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top 200 commentsshow all 447

[–]WhereIsShellBeach 256 points257 points ago

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and all you can do is dislike and probe

[–]tehp0rk 178 points179 points ago

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not to mention steal their crops and set their farmville farm on fire.

[–]CF5 167 points168 points ago

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It shall be called... Doucheville

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points ago

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You won't understand...it's a Jersey thing.

[–]PictureofPoritrin 16 points17 points ago

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You mean Twitter?

[–]sawbutter 12 points13 points ago

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Jerkbook

[–]funkgerm 20 points21 points ago

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That sounds like it would serve a different purpose...

[–]Tebixan 12 points13 points ago

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The jerk store called! They've run out of you!

[–]mal_tez92 1 point2 points ago

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You're their top seller!

[–]Ubeta 22 points23 points ago

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The more friends you have, the smaller your plot of land is

[–]Inyoeye 17 points18 points ago

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You shouldn't have any friends. Just enemies.

[–]Shadefox 3 points4 points ago

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The more enemies you have, the more molotov cocktails you get

[–]dreadlord15 1 point2 points ago

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good idea, so all the loners in the world would be the greatest people in this game called LIFE

[–]Username_Anagram 2 points3 points ago

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He wishes he'll be crab.

[–]SSChicken 58 points59 points ago

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In a similar manner, when I was young I used to think that when a couple would get a divorce that you would have the opposite of a wedding. I wasn't sure what it consisted of, but I was pretty sure the ex-brides and the ex-grooms side would cuss each other out the entire time. People would just walk around eating food and swearing at the other side.

[–]girlinterrupted 16 points17 points ago

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and instead of dancing they would be kicking each other to the dulcet tones of speed metal or jangling ambient noise.

[–]misplaced_my_pants 1 point2 points ago

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Nope it'd be with cricket bats to the dulcet tones of Freddie Mercury.

[–]gargleblast 12 points13 points ago

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Dude I would crash so many divorces if they were like this! Walk around, eating free food, being a jerk to strangers, fuck yeah!

[–]zaltman 91 points92 points ago

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Too bad two Harvard cross country runners came up with the idea first.

[–]Schr0dinger 22 points23 points ago

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I thought it was rowers

[–]derekg1000 35 points36 points ago

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whoosh

[–]zaltman 1 point2 points ago

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You sure it wasnt a cat?

[–]RosebudReverie 357 points358 points ago

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Isn't this pretty much what everyone does with Facebook anyway?

[–]sthrmn 148 points149 points ago

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Keep your friends close, and your enemies so close you're almost kissing.

[–]Major_Major_Major 60 points61 points ago

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And never go with a hippie to a second location.

[–]Beezle 29 points30 points ago

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And don't forget to synergize backward overflow.

[–]mkrfctr 31 points32 points ago

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Reverse the polarity of the deflector shield.

[–]onetwentyeight 3 points4 points ago

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Make it so, number one!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Make it now, number two!

[–]xerexerex 4 points5 points ago

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TEA! EARL GREY! HOT!

(I think that every morning when I make my tea)

[–]plbogen 1 point2 points ago

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Shift the phase variance

[–]ImADouchebag 2 points3 points ago

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Someting something quantum.

[–]Electrorocket 1 point2 points ago*

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THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS RECONFIGURE THE DEFLECTOR SHIELD!!!

[–]theguth 1 point2 points ago

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Set your entry grid. Neutralize your field. The light is green, the trap is clean.

[–]DAllenJ 1 point2 points ago

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Don't cross the streams.

[–]MegaTom 1 point2 points ago

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Cross the streams.

[–]michaelcooper 1 point2 points ago

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LAWYER UP?

[–]sheerheartattack 4 points5 points ago

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Some of my past relationships make far more sense in this context.

[–]Aksama 3 points4 points ago

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Alec Baldwin.

[–]TheMarshma 2 points3 points ago

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Will Arnett actually. Or at least I'm pretty sure, it's been a while though.

[–]spankyham 72 points73 points ago

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It already exists, and is called Hatebook.

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points ago

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yeah but it's still not assbook.

[–]dingdong_yo 53 points54 points ago

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I like Assbook. Kinda has a ring to it.

[–]corevirus 13 points14 points ago

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Plus, I'm kind of an ass man

[–]dingdong_yo 8 points9 points ago

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As a fellow ass man I salute you with a tip of the butt.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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As a fellow ass man I salute you with a tip of the butt.

This is completely heterosexual .... right?

[–]dingdong_yo 1 point2 points ago

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/no homo

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Slogan: Your face, your ass - what's the difference?

And it will be released at the same time as Duke Nukem Forever.

[–]rednightmare 1 point2 points ago

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I believe the word you are looking for is sphincter.

[–]double1 1 point2 points ago

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Assbook.

Because sometimes you just wanna be an asshole.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I think you accidentally a word

[–]e_d_a_m 1 point2 points ago

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yeah but there is an arsebook

[–]Aupajo 26 points27 points ago

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I already have my own anti-Facebook. It's called PeteFace, and it's the world's most exclusive social network. When people ask me, "Are you on Facebook?" I say, "No. Are you on PeteFace?"

[–]sli 5 points6 points ago

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Too bad it wants my home address to register. Fuuuuck that.

[–]Jumin 9 points10 points ago

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For mine I put, "Why - Would I provide this?"

And my profile was made.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Did the same and entered 12345 for my zip code.

Then, I clicked on the zip code and noticed how many people were in the same zip code as me. I hate them all.

http://www.hatebook.org/users.php?filter=zip&country=US&zip=12345

[–]cstoner 5 points6 points ago

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In all fairness, the "edit profile" section says:

Your contact data – Enter wrong address to hide from enemies!

[–]kinematografi 2 points3 points ago

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I put "Fuck You St." It doesn't seem to care if you lie. I like that in a website.

[–]baeb66 6 points7 points ago

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As an accomplished hater, this interests me. Thanks, Spanky. It almost makes me want to take back that thing I said about your momma last week.

[–]spankyham 12 points13 points ago

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All good, I gave you good reason after what I did to your sister.

[–]friedsnails 14 points15 points ago

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I use facebook to 'Delete facebook' and proceed towards hitting the gym and lawyering up.

[–]condescendingpats 5 points6 points ago

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pat pat pat

[–]AdorableZeppelin 8 points9 points ago

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AdorableZeppelin and 40 other like this.

[–]Ironbird420 1 point2 points ago

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took the letters out of my keyboard

[–]gwac 25 points26 points ago

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What about a Facebook that actually looks like your acquaintances got a high school education, and have meaningful, thought-out things to say, other than... "WHY KE$HA SO UGLY?! ME N CAIITLLINNNN GOIN' TO b0$T0n. fAKE NIggaz need not apply! lmaooo;, (;"

[–]FatGirlsTryHarder 5 points6 points ago

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There is so much goodness in this statement.

[–]Searth 3 points4 points ago

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I don't know man, none of my friends does this. But they should make an optional translator for those cases.

[–]ungoogleable 1 point2 points ago

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That was sort of the point back when Facebook was limited to college students.

[–]wuddersup 54 points55 points ago

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Pretty sure Aziz Ansari did this as a routine.

[–]spelunker 69 points70 points ago

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AZIZ! LIGHT!

[–]thibedeauxmarxy 1 point2 points ago

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You know, considering all the damn "multipass" quotes that materialize when someone mentions anything 5th Element related, this is really a refreshing change. I sincerely appreciate the comment.

[–]dimmmo 3 points4 points ago

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most underrated movie ever. multipass...

[–]yppans 27 points28 points ago

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Underrated? I've never met anyone who thought that movie was anything less than a tsunami of awesome. As an aside, I recently attended a Halloween party where TWO Leeloos were present. One with the white tape and one from the Multipass scene.

[–]HuruHara 18 points19 points ago

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Dude, pics ?

[–]yppans 4 points5 points ago

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There were a lot of things I regretted not taking pictures of that night. I learned to stop taking pictures on mushrooms a long time ago, because everything is OHMYGOD AWESOME and needs a hundred pictures taken of it.

One other major one was Luke Skywalker playing the keyboards with Mario on the guitar.

[–]dimmmo 5 points6 points ago

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a tsunami of awesome

That's underrated.

[–]karnoculars 7 points8 points ago

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This is the most important question you will ever answer: did they make out?

[–]yppans 7 points8 points ago

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I don't want to destroy your dreams, so "yes".

[–]MCgert 11 points12 points ago

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[–]AhThatsTheStuff 1 point2 points ago

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RAAAAAAAANDY!

[–]bpat 7 points8 points ago

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Too bad I don't have friends or enemies. Forever Alone...

[–]Eroc 10 points11 points ago

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That's what you think. Careful starting your car tonight.

*evil laugh...

[–]CIAHasWays2MakeUTalk 2 points3 points ago

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Dude, don't tell him...

[–]bonbonbonbons 4 points5 points ago

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what are you Switzerland?

Forever Neutral.

[–]AusIV 38 points39 points ago

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A guy I used to work with talked about making an anti-social networking site where you started out friends with everyone, and had to unfriend people you didn't like.

[–]thebrokn 19 points20 points ago

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But at the end of it all, doesn't it just end up being Facebook?

[–]theuglyspirit 0 points1 point ago

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This could worth milllioonnss.

[–]Elite_Dog 11 points12 points ago

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A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? A billion dollars.

[–]jingowatt 9 points10 points ago

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A billion dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? Justin Timberlake buying round after round of appletinis.

[–]Frankeh 1 point2 points ago

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It blew my mind when I found out that the guy who created Napster had a hand in Facebook and still owned like 7%.

[–]aDKH 6 points7 points ago

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[–]Currimos 44 points45 points ago

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The anti-facebook

Seriously, go outside.

[–]TacoDiablo 55 points56 points ago

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Because spending time on reddit telling people to go outside is better than Facebook.

[–]jayssite 9 points10 points ago

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Yes, because using Facebook and going outside are mutually exclusive. Especially with today's lack of mobile phones.

[–]Tarqon 6 points7 points ago

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Ok, I'm outside browsing reddit on my mobile phone, now what?

[–]jeff303 1 point2 points ago

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go east

[–]Spleen_Muncher 1 point2 points ago

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GGGAAAAAAHHHHHH FUUCK THE LIGHT BUUUURRRRNNNNNSSSSSSSSssssssssss................

[–]Cptn_SlapAWhore 16 points17 points ago

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There already is, right down to the "enemy requests". It's called Hatebook.

[–]smimon 4 points5 points ago

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Was just about to post this same thing, it's been around for years

[–]iamnotaclown 1 point2 points ago

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Why does it need to know my address?

[–]DLun203 16 points17 points ago

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In the top corner you can have, "You haven't threatened this person lately" instead of trying to reconnect you with people you just don't care about anymore.

[–]Legrosale 5 points6 points ago

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I'll just leave this here... http://www.hatebook.org/

[–]I_TALK_LOUD 5 points6 points ago

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IT SHOULD BE PRETTY EASY TO HACK INTO ALMOST ANYONE'S ACCOUNT SEEING AS "MY HAND" SHOULD BE THE CORRECT ANSWER.

[–]asdfman123 9 points10 points ago

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Antisocial networking.

[–]grunt_wars 2 points3 points ago

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No one writes anything!

[–]buu700 1 point2 points ago

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No, that would be asocial networking. This is antisocial networking we're talking about.

[–]BeerBaronBrent 3 points4 points ago

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Trollbook. I like this already.

[–]pablot 3 points4 points ago

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Oh, you mean arsebook?

[–]TinManRC 6 points7 points ago

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I'm pretty sure Facebook would sue you for "Assbook" because it's got "book" in it. Isn't that what they're up to these days?

[–]lol____wut 5 points6 points ago

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South Butt prevailed in court when sued by North Face so maybe they'll be fine?

[–]MaximumAbsorbency 7 points8 points ago

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100% true story, I remember sitting in a Panera one day with a couple friends of mine, and we overheard a group of women discussing a website/project they were working on called "MyEnemiesSpace" or something similar - back when Myspace was the shit. As the one woman explained it to her peers, and if memory serves me well, it was literally designed for you to post shit about people you hate as opposed to communicating with your friends.

We all registered on the site (3 or 4 of us were there, I believe) and started posting things about each other and listened to the woman get all excited because people were using her site.

Then we found out her admin account had a default password. Something like Username: Admin Pass: Admin.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Its called reddit?

[–]_No 8 points9 points ago

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This domain is for sale!

email contact@assbook.com if you are interested in buying this domain

I wonder if it was the same guy who registered.

[–]RagingIce 3 points4 points ago

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not likely

Domain Name: ASSBOOK.COM

Registrar: DYNADOT, LLC

Whois Server: whois.dynadot.com

Referral URL: http://www.dynadot.com

Name Server: NS1.820DAVIS.COM

Name Server: NS2.820DAVIS.COM

Status: clientTransferProhibited

Updated Date: 11-sep-2010

Creation Date: 20-dec-2001

Expiration Date: 20-dec-2011

[–]daedone 3 points4 points ago

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too late! he's been hacked

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ireneh 39 points40 points ago

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shit

I found the word you were looking for. (:

[–]Calvin_the_Bold 18 points19 points ago

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:)

I turned that smiley face around like it should be for you.

[–]ChairGraveyard 10 points11 points ago

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By the way, you can curse on the internet. I agree, though, Shitlist is better than Assbook, and conveniently sidesteps the issues with using <Something>book and lawsuits that come with that.

[–]circa7 3 points4 points ago

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Aziz Ansari?! Is that you?!

[–]MEGC 2 points3 points ago

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One day all social networking sites will merge into one. Everyone will waste their days sitting at their computer staring at the assfacespace.

[–]pornsiteads 2 points3 points ago

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it already exists... burnbook.com

[–]im_cereal 2 points3 points ago

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Foebook?

[–]jerryluc 2 points3 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Trollbook

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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For some reason I don't think "Assbook" would be about people you don't like.

[–]KaptainKarmel[S] 4 points5 points ago

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It's more the idea that your ass is the anti face.

[–]kingkilr 2 points3 points ago

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I like staring at both of them, let's go with "Bottom of foot-book"

[–]asancho 1 point2 points ago

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Quick get this guy some Venture capital funding!

[–]TheOtherJeffLebowski 1 point2 points ago

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Shitlist.com!!! Oh man, he's got 200 people on his Shitlist! He must not get along with people!!!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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They already make this. It's called facebook.

[–]snafu7x7 1 point2 points ago

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what an original idea

[–]turlz 1 point2 points ago

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I'm tempted to repost this to /r/somebodymakethis

[–]n8opoly 1 point2 points ago

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they used to have one.... Does anyone remember TheJohnson.net?

[–]crunchycode 1 point2 points ago

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A person I know started a site like that, but called it Hatester. This was back when Friendster was the big social network. It got immensely popular, so he had to shut it down, because he could not afford the bandwidth.

[–]Swoopz 1 point2 points ago

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What about Assface?

[–]offendernz 1 point2 points ago

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Wouldn't everyone just reject the enemy requests in order to keep in line with the anti-facebook theme?

[–]age20d 1 point2 points ago

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hah. i made an "Enemy Request" app a while ago for facebook. http://www.facebook.com/apps/application.php?id=2413849342

[–]Travis-Touchdown 1 point2 points ago

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They have that. It's called Facebook.

[–]heuheuheuheuh 1 point2 points ago

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That's basically what facebook is to me already. I just troll people on there, half my friends probably think I'm insane.

[–]winkleburg 1 point2 points ago

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Assbook sounds like an adult friend finder type site.

[–]pizzaforce3 1 point2 points ago

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how about face-off?

[–]pyrocube 1 point2 points ago

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http://www.arsebook.org/ has been up since 2007

[–]philoponeria 1 point2 points ago

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This idea already exists. Its called Hatebook

[–]pieface248 1 point2 points ago

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I believe http://www.arsebook.org/ would serve this purpose.

[–]StinkyTheDiver 1 point2 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Isn't this pretty much what Facebook is already?

[–]vanduzew 1 point2 points ago

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Anyone else automatically attempt to hit the "Like" button on this picture?

[–]fatfook 1 point2 points ago

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Someone already registered the domain...

[–]sati 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Chipware 1 point2 points ago

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Sounds like something from Idiocracy.

[–]Nyphur 1 point2 points ago

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I'm trying SO hard not to laugh in class right now.

[–]pa672688 1 point2 points ago

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we already have that...its called reddit

[–]pefyeah 1 point2 points ago

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I think Aziz Ansari told a joke about that in one of his old comedy routines. RAAAAAAAAAAAANDY!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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It's called 4chan.

[–]ekki 16 points17 points ago

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No it's not.

[–]MSUKirsch 1 point2 points ago

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Half of my "friends" do this anyway. They friend the people that have jilted them and then write bullshit passive aggressive status every hour.

[–]Satanta 1 point2 points ago

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I like your style, but I have a completely different idea for AssBook. It consists of women only. That is all. ( Y )

[–]roburrito 1 point2 points ago

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Wouldn't this more appropriately be a self.reddit post? Was a picture necessary? Oh right, Karma whoring.

[–]KaptainKarmel[S] 3 points4 points ago

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I joined this site for the Karma. Meaningless numbers are awesome.

[–]FractalP 1 point2 points ago

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read a feed of people being assholes.

There's already something like this. It's called Facebook.

[–]thebru 0 points1 point ago

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"This domain is for sale!"

[–]vampirate 0 points1 point ago

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Luckily I can unlike this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I'm in (check karma/comments)

[–]lafayette0508 0 points1 point ago

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David Grassi?

Edit: Oo! Now there are more. It's spreading!

[–]n1rvous 0 points1 point ago

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i think that dude wants to get fucked in the ass. what a bitch.

oh sorry, just practicing...

[–]Totesboats 0 points1 point ago

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It's called Hatebook.org. "Hatebook is an anti-social utility that disconnects you from the things YOU HATE."

[–]Neetra93 0 points1 point ago

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So what exactly is the change?

[–]fishyman 0 points1 point ago

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its called 4chan.

[–]RanDont 0 points1 point ago

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That might be Brian Wilson

[–]shhong 0 points1 point ago

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and the Assbook should expect a lawsuit over the "-book" trademark from Facebook.

[–]Have-a-Muffin 0 points1 point ago

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First one to do this becomes a millionaire!

[–]BrandoCalrissian 0 points1 point ago

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I had this idea years ago. It was called YourSpace. You would register and then could post on any of your friends pages, but not on your own. Postings would be anonymous, but there would be safeguards to ensure someone couldn't post and claim to be somebody else.

It would be the biggest drama creator since teenage sex.

[–]Purp1e 0 points1 point ago

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The domain is for sale

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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He just described 4chan to the tee!

[–]umop-3pisdn 0 points1 point ago

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does anyone who was in college 2002-2003 or so remember friendster, before facebook was around? if so, does anyone remember the fake "enemyster" that was supposedly in development? this made me think of it... the site's sill up, lol:

http://www.enemyster.com/

[–]PaperbackBuddha 0 points1 point ago

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Some trolls will mess it all up by constantly posting evenhanded, well-considered thoughts, dragging the discourse up to their level.

[–]bautofdi 0 points1 point ago

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Am i the only one who thinks this is brian wilson?

[–]Nicoscope 0 points1 point ago

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It's called Facebook-with-exes-who-didnt-unfriend-but-hate-each-other.

[–]joebleaux 0 points1 point ago*

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There used to be a website called Friends or Enemies and you could either add a person as a friend or an enemy. I think it eventually merged with buzzsomething, which was sort of MySpace for "scene" kids.

[–]contspeel 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sorry, using the word "book" or "face" in the context of a social networking site will get you sued...

I suggest RectumNovel

[–]iostream333 0 points1 point ago

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I had the idea for Yourspace years ago.

[–]tias 0 points1 point ago

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Rule #34 says assbook is already taken. Sorry.

[–]Rackapulsare 0 points1 point ago

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I believe that this idea is generally referred to as HateBook? The most important feature of such a "book" would be the possibility to have a relation set to "arch enemy".

[–]Vexing 0 points1 point ago

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Or Faceass.

[–]TheCuriousMan 0 points1 point ago

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When Friendster was still popular, they had a counterpart called FIENDster, where fiends could hate on each other...

[–]killerstorm 0 points1 point ago

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Here it is -- Nemester

[–]endlessnameless 0 points1 point ago

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An ass-book... now that's something I can get behind.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This guy clearly isn't facebook friends with me. That's all I do.

[–]eggandmuffin 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]darkrum 0 points1 point ago

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I've always referred to facebook as tits-n-assbook. That is all.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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that would rule. sign me up.

[–]lalaland4711 0 points1 point ago

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Shouldn't that be "assfilm"?

[–]feastoffun 0 points1 point ago

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Well you could create this using buddypress.org

[–]FlyingSpaghettiMan 0 points1 point ago

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Would it be possible to add the world to your hatelist?

[–]M2JOHNSON 0 points1 point ago

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They've already got something like this, it's called AYB. http://awfulyearbook.com/comments/top/all

[–]llieaay 0 points1 point ago

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As part of the UChicago scav hunt a few years ago some of my teammates implemented theassbook.net. It wasn't so much about enemies as about ass and it had a lot of very cool features and a growing user base. It actually really took off at Stanford for some reason.

Sadly theassbook.net crashed and wasn't backed up. It is no more.

[–]portezbie 0 points1 point ago

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why is this getting upvoted....not original or well said at all