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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]SC0TTBL4M 850 points851 points ago

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All the evil and hatred is gone from me.

[–]WilliamChris 125 points126 points ago

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...and SCOTTBL4M's heart grew 3 sizes that day.

[–]Skibum04 198 points199 points ago

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Just wait until you are sleeping tonight and your cat slices your achilies tendon by reaching underneath the covers.

[–]krispykrackers 375 points376 points ago

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Cutest disabling technique ever.

[–]unsound 115 points116 points ago

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It seems your achilles tendon is actually...

your heart

[–]EndymionAwake 18 points19 points ago

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Why did I just read that in Glados' voice?

[–]Pizzadude 48 points49 points ago

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Actually, he pounces on me from the headboard while I'm sleeping and tries to break my ribs... but the cracking sound is adorable.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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Mine pounces on my chest, cracking ribs, then assaults my face with her sandpaper tounge.

This is her gentle way of saying "It's 5am, wake up and feed me, jackass."

[–]TerpZ 32 points33 points ago*

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Which will happen. Because cats are the spawn of Satan himself, sent here to destroy all humans. This is why they're so fucking adorable as kittens, so you never suspect them.

[–]Sinthesys 28 points29 points ago

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The only reason cats are adorable is because if they weren't, we'd have wiped their evil little hides from the earth long ago.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TerpZ 5 points6 points ago

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He's got you right where he wants you. Watch your back, man.

[–]IConrad 2 points3 points ago

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I hate to break it to you all, but I've sold out to the enemy. I have five of 'em at my place. And there's just me, my girlfriend, and her two pit bulls. (They'll never see it coming.)

[–]TerpZ 4 points5 points ago

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Ah, so you're not completely lost. You've got some white knights among your death army. Dogs are such wonderful companions who truly only want you to be happy!

[–]alienangel2 59 points60 points ago

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Fuckers. How am I supposed to rage about people posting their pet pictures when every now and then someone posts something as adorable as this.

My upvotes here are red with self-hate.

[–]jxstar1250 4 points5 points ago

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I'll take it.

I've been wanting to be more of a jerk lately anyway.

[–]ozLebowski 98 points99 points ago

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[–]V3N0M91 11 points12 points ago

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Upvote for still using a CRT

[–]cinic 24 points25 points ago

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Upvote for properly using the Yellow Pages.

[–]Crath 5 points6 points ago

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You need to make this 1 picture and submit it. Just as awesome.

[–]Id3s 2 points3 points ago

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That almost made my head asplode too. D'aaaaw!

[–]orksnork 245 points246 points ago

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If I send this to my wife, I'll come home to find at least 6,000 new kittens in my home.

[–]sourgrap3s 112 points113 points ago

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Do you have any idea how much karma you would get once you started posting pictures of them?

[–]orksnork 138 points139 points ago

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Ignore Toxoplasmosis. Acquire Karma.

[–]theturbolemming 40 points41 points ago

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TIL what Toxoplasmosis is.

[–]brinkofjon 9 points10 points ago

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You obviously don't watch House. They suggest it every. single. episode.

[–]orksnork 14 points15 points ago

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Or Trainspotting? C'mon!

[–]Kelvin_Inman 2 points3 points ago

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"Tommy was lying face down in a pool of vomit.

The kitten was fine"

[–]fstorino 2 points3 points ago

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You'll flip over this:

The Scratch

(from this episode of Radiolab)

[–]freeballer 39 points40 points ago

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That's enough to fill a room and roll around in, Scrooge McDuck style.

[–]StevenDickson 19 points20 points ago

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And then make into a jacket Mr Burns style.

[–]snowyday 15 points16 points ago

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See my mittens?

[–]rooktakesqueen 13 points14 points ago

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Former kittens?

[–]snowyday 12 points13 points ago

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Like my loafers, former gophers,
T'was that or skin my chauffeurs,

[–]gurumusicman 2 points3 points ago

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Dammit, I read that in Mr. Burns' voice. Upvote for you!

[–]jetmax25 12 points13 points ago

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House full of kittens - Adorable

House full of cats - Pathetic

[–]internetsuperstar 193 points194 points ago

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I was about to commit a double homicide but now I think I'll just go pick some dandelions.

[–]pootedesu 36 points37 points ago

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Dandelions are living things too. Pick two of them and you can still accomplish your double homicide!

[–]chronographer 35 points36 points ago

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Isn't it planticide, or herbicide? Homocide would be people killing. Or maybe it is Taraxacumicide.

Oh my god, a Taraxacumicidal maniac!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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This sounds like a fetish.

[–]Calitude 287 points288 points ago

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It's a kitty! \o/

[–]Wisedome 71 points72 points ago

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Oh god, he's drowning!

[–]Takuun 92 points93 points ago

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THAT'S NOT WHAT DROWNING LOOKS LIKE. DO WE NEED TO REPOST IT AGAIN!

[–]BowlingNight 27 points28 points ago

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o OH GOD HE'S DROWNING

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ilovelegos413 16 points17 points ago

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lol
bacon

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Is he drowning in bacon?

[–]whywait 117 points118 points ago

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this must be an outlier. http://xkcd.com/231/

[–]acousticfigure 14 points15 points ago

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Outliers are observations that don't match up with the rest of the data. Calitude's statement actually matched up with the graph very well, so it's not an outlier.

Sorry for making corrections in a feelgood thread. Let me make it up to you with some more xkcd cat-related comics: 1 2 3

[–]whywait 7 points8 points ago

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yes but this cat is, in all likelihood, a great distance from everyone on this thread and yet its effect remains potent. the cats are more powerful than we imagined...

[–]acousticfigure 5 points6 points ago

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I hadn't considered it as physical distance. In that case I retract my statement. Except for the cat comics part.

[–]lanisaurus 24 points25 points ago

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When i first saw this comic I could not stop laughing. I love xkcd.

[–]jerrygofixit 22 points23 points ago

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This was my wallpaper at work for the longest time. For some reason my co-workers didn't understand it, and I didn't understand how they couldn't understand it. Much confusion was had.

[–]fuckshitwank 13 points14 points ago

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[–]Spunge14 705 points706 points ago

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My God this is adorable.

[–]ap2002 609 points610 points ago

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I heard the kitty was stolen at a gang bang party.

[–]HairyBeanbags 198 points199 points ago

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Ahh, I see you read that website called reddit?

[–]CosmicMocha 77 points78 points ago

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What's that?

[–]NoNomad 178 points179 points ago

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Ponzi Scheme

[–]DoctorDeath 103 points104 points ago

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Ponzi? That guy from Happy Days?

[–]workroom[!] 60 points61 points ago

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No, that was Fonzi, you're thinking of a citrus-based sauce commonly used in Japanese cuisine that is tart, with a thin, watery consistency and a light yellow color.

[–]cebedec 31 points32 points ago

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No, that's Ponzu, you're thinking of a peculiar method of journalism, invented by the late Hunter S. Thompson.

[–]pearlbones 27 points28 points ago

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No, that's Gonzo. You're thinking of the cartoon purple gorilla that people used to have on their desktops.

[–]Katelsheart 20 points21 points ago

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No, that's Bonzi Buddy. You're thinking of dried pork fillet.

[–]Wuzzles2 184 points185 points ago

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No, you're thinking of fuck you.

[–]isayfuckeverytime 100 points101 points ago

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No, you are just fucking upset because you couldn't figure out a word to continue this meme.

[–]Imgonnasayfuck 6 points7 points ago

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We need to fucking talk..

[–]lunacraz 10 points11 points ago

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sigh No that's Ponzu, you're thinking of a popular maker of powerboats.

[–]Fiend 11 points12 points ago

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Ford.

[–]Prius 2 points3 points ago

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Allons-y? I love that stuff!

[–]Gericaux 91 points92 points ago

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Reddit is quite simply one of the most crudely designed websites on the internet. Its interface is so mundane and uninventive, one has to wonder if its creators are only interested in the saucy topics they talk about (drugs, sex addiction).

For me, Digg has always represented a very positive and helpful look at America. It’s like a beautiful lawn where the fresh sprouts of freedom and patriotism burst above the surface every day.

[–]Kodix 30 points31 points ago*

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He's quoting christwire, folks. Lay off on the downvotes.

[Edit] I guess I should've seen this coming - to everyone who's going into unholy berserk rage over christwire, don't. It is, indeed, satire.

[–]nuwzillund 9 points10 points ago

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I clicked on that link to the christwire story. It's not satire, is it? Omfg...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Yes, it is.

[–]Gericaux 4 points5 points ago

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I don't have the (|v) indicator thingy, so it's alright.

[–]azgeogirl 3 points4 points ago

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Wow, that is trolling at its finest (I hope).

[–]CosmicMocha 10 points11 points ago

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Interested in... the topics? Why? I thought page layout was everything?!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Gericaux (3052 link karmas, 34203 comment karmas, 285 days)

ʘ‿ʘ

[–]Skyrmir 4 points5 points ago

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I think I just tasted bile...yeah, pretty sure I did.

[–]enduser666 10 points11 points ago

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This site that rips off Digg, or so I hear from the ever-reliable TechCrunch.

[–]CosmicMocha 5 points6 points ago

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It's troof because I read in on the internet once.

[–]hotpocket 26 points27 points ago

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To be fair, the kitty may not have been stolen. It could have walked out the open door with all the men coming and going.

[–]supaphly42 23 points24 points ago

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with all the men coming and going.

Where did manners go? You really should stay for a little bit after.

[–]Trolly_McTrollerson 14 points15 points ago

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Mostly coming. Unless it was one of those kinds of gang bang parties, where there's a bunch of going, too.

[–]pclamer 2 points3 points ago

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brb prague

[–]Accelerator 131 points132 points ago

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An actual Question for the OP.

What is the cats relationship to the mini teddy bear?

Did you just stage the picture or does the cat actually display any kind of "kitty memories" of sleeping with the little thing when it was smaller?

I know our dogs would have favorite toys they'd carry around with them. I wonder if cats can have the same connections with an object that's not either a ball of string or soaked in cat nip.

[–]Pizzadude 187 points188 points ago

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My cat loves his red sparkly ball.

Screw the pink one, the white one, the various multicolored ones... They don't matter. But every time his red sparkly ball is stuck in a closet, under the stove, or anywhere else, he will not leave us alone until someone digs it out for him.

Then he shoves it right back in there to fuck with us.

[–]Ftech 104 points105 points ago

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It's because you didn't get it fast enough. The cat is training you.

[–]creepycreeper 32 points33 points ago

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I dyslexically read your name as "fetch" which made your comment even more appropriate.

[–]VapidStatementsAhead 8 points9 points ago

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Then he shoves it right back in there to fuck with us.

Everyone do the context dance!

[–]Frencil 100 points101 points ago

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Not the OP but cats can definitely create that security-blanket connection with toys.

I have two cats and one is very attached to a little plush bee that we've had since before she was born. She's always loved the bee and has a habit of carrying it around like one of her babies while meowing through it. Usually she does this when she wakes up from a nap and finds that she's alone. She'll grab the bee and wander around the house, her wails muffled by stuffed cotton, until she finds one of us and her anxiety subsides.

The bee has no nip in it.

[–]caffeinefree 30 points31 points ago

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One of my cats has a mouse made of rabbit fur that I purchased when he was a kitten ...none of the other cats have ever cared for it, but it is by far his FAVORITE. He used to grab it by the tail and toss it up in air and then run and pounce on it, when he was a kitten. Now that he is an adult, the poor toy is nothing more than a bedraggled bit of fur attached to a dubious looking piece of plastic, but he still runs to fetch it whenever he wants to give me a "really good" gift. He will drop it very proudly in my lap and mew at me.

I have tried purchasing replacements (same style, same brand, etc.), but to no avail. None of them are as wonderful as his oldest, ugliest mouse. :)

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago

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Yeah... that's common predatory behavior. The mewing is to alert her babies (you) that she has procured food.

Mmm delicious stuffed bee.

[–]captainlavender 8 points9 points ago

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Holy crap, I never realized this was common cat behavior! One of mine also has toys that she carries around in her mouth, yowling, until one of us shushes her and she finds us and deposits it in front of us. We're not sure if she's lonely or just wants someone to admire her prize.

[–]digitalcowboy 8 points9 points ago

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Also, some cats have a habit to kind of get obsessed with something. I know Siamese in particular will start to get obsessed over some random thing. In fact, my Siamese has an obsession with socks.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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I desperately want a video of this.

[–]MolePlayingRough 30 points31 points ago

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My roommate got her kitten without warning, so all they had for it to play with was a sock with a cartoon cat on it. Now the cat is grown and still loves the sock. The funny thing is, he has no interest in the matching sock. He knows which one is his, and if we try to offer him the other one he just gets offended.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

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My cat has grown up with a tiny stuffed dog that he carries around in his mouth by the scruff of its neck. Sometimes he'll drag the stuffed dog up to his food bowl with him as though he's trying to feed it.

[–]NeedToExplore 6 points7 points ago

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awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[–]eamonman2 5 points6 points ago

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The percentage of people on earth making that sound increased by at least 800 micropercent!

[–]HeroOfCanton 56 points57 points ago

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OP is EthicalReasoning. S/he spends all day ripping off content from all corners of the internet and posting it here. They have no idea who this kitty is, I'm sure.

Regardless, you bring up an interesting point!

[–]tsaylor 18 points19 points ago

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Parent is HeroOfCanton. He spends his life defrauding and outright stealing from the rightful Government and occasionally masquerades as a Robin Hood like character thanks to one incompetent mistake. He has no idea what ethics are, I'm sure.

[–]HeroOfCanton 12 points13 points ago

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Well you're just a low down, dirty... deceiver.

[–]HotCrazyScale 36 points37 points ago

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My cat has a stuffed cow. She takes it around the house with her, and snuggles with it all the time.

http://imgur.com/Yd7PK

[–]neniell 12 points13 points ago

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My cat has a similar stuffed cow. And steals every small stuffed animal I bring home. She keeps them in a basket. I have a very weird cat.

[–]CockMeatSandwich 16 points17 points ago

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My cat actually has a stuffed raccoon that she goes back to every single time. They definitely do have memory of association. And when the raccoon is not available, she'll pick the pig stuffed animal. always in that order.

[–]redwoodtree 2 points3 points ago

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Why would the raccoon not be available? Is the raccoon out hunting or something? hmph

[–]seraphn 8 points9 points ago

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My cat has a stuffed tiger that he is really attached to.

in fact, we thought he was a she until we realized that he wasn't playing with it, but was trying to hump it.

[–]stonestacker 3 points4 points ago

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My cat shits and pisses in the same place on the rug if I don't let it out all day.

[–]jrfish 4 points5 points ago

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My cat has a favorite toy. It's a little stuffed lion, and was the first toy we bought her when she came home from the animal shelter. She now has so many toys, but that's the only thing she'll consistently play with. It's weird to me because I didn't realize that cats could develop relationships with certain toys like that, but she did.

She brings us this lion as a "present" every day, multiple times a day.

Here's a picture of her with said lion http://imgur.com/A0y0u

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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My cat is in love with his feather boa stick. He carries it around so it is near him wherever he is planning on sleeping.

[–]Bixie 3 points4 points ago

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My cat has a pilfered lego piece from an exs set. She's packed herself for ever moving day since she originally stole it.

[–]darkrock 2 points3 points ago

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I had a cat that would play fetch with a regular foam ball with no nip.

It would chase it, bring it back and drop it about 6" out of my reach, waiting for me to flick it down to hall to do it all over again.

[–]ThatOtherOneGuy 84 points85 points ago

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My monitor just exploded from cuteness overload. Every girl in my dorm came down to my room because they could sense the cute.

[–]NancyReaganTesticles 91 points92 points ago

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Every girl in my dorm came

Go on...

[–]koalaberries 208 points209 points ago

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down to my room because they could sense the cute.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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I work at a modeling agency. I'll leave this image up for a while and let you know how it goes...

[–]jbae29 10 points11 points ago

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What? You work at a modeling agency and you're wasting time on reddit. Shouldn't you be out there talking to models..., or something.

[–]afreemind69 4 points5 points ago

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He may be gay, in which case, GO TALK TO MODELS.

[–]Left4Bread 33 points34 points ago

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That cat stole the kitten's toy. What a jerk.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]andytagonist 30 points31 points ago

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nah...he just zoomed in on the kitteh.

[–]ninjakicktotheface 14 points15 points ago

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it's all about camera angles.. you can do anything with the right shot...

[–]hermzz 14 points15 points ago

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Not angle, focal length!

[–]bernardolv 28 points29 points ago

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my husky then and now

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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No, no, no stick to ki-

D'awwww

[–]cake_please 53 points54 points ago

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WEAPONS GRADE CUTONIUM

[–]longbow7 26 points27 points ago

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[–]KillerSe7enth 10 points11 points ago

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So in the first pic, he started eating your hair...and the now is his victory?

[–]Shanjayne 4 points5 points ago

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aww, how cute!

[–]liquidm 236 points237 points ago

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I normally hate kitty pics but this one was too cute to downvote

[–]krazykipa- 50 points51 points ago

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:3

[–]catcher6250 24 points25 points ago

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Testicles on your chin

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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Hi there.

[–]WiktorMcman 11 points12 points ago

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He's a ballchinian!

[–]DontNeglectTheBalls 7 points8 points ago

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:D

[–][deleted] 77 points78 points ago

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(づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ

[–]catcher6250 47 points48 points ago

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◕◕づづ‿。)‿。(

scrambled that shit

[–]MorningHaze 14 points15 points ago

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That's just some dude fondling breasts.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]syndl 5 points6 points ago

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with testicles hanging in his face.

[–]YesMaybe 61 points62 points ago

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IT DOES BLEND !

[–]lesinge 4 points5 points ago

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Is it wrong that I see 2 penises.

[–]Its_Entertaining 16 points17 points ago

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I normally hate comments like this but this one was too cute to downvote

[–]roger_ranter 4 points5 points ago

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First picture: "Bear, protect me!"

Second picture: "Mess with my bear and I will FUCK YOU UP"

[–]alfis26 4 points5 points ago

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I agree, that's about the cutest shit I've ever seen. And I'm a MANLY MAN!

[–]WilliamPoole 46 points47 points ago

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This is a dangerous amount of cute. Head esplodes

[–]cuddlyogre 9 points10 points ago

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I believe the correct word is asplodes.

[–]slapheadsrnice 27 points28 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]cooltreat 14 points15 points ago

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Even cuter to scale.

[–]Wimc 89 points90 points ago*

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW

Edit: Why is people upvoting this?.. I am being obnoxious!

[–]Rogued 37 points38 points ago*

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SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

Edit: Because you're beautiful. We're beautiful.

[–]nighton 11 points12 points ago

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BATMAN!

[–]pigferret 3 points4 points ago

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Don't tell me what to do!

Obnoxious or not, I think that is the appropriate amount of AWW given the subject matter.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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I wish my cat played with something equally cute. Instead, he has a plush monkey that he ripped an arm off and plays with the arm. He loves cuddling with it, dipping it in his water bowl, and leaving it on the bed when its soaking wet.

It looks like a hairy turd but I don't have the heart to throw it away.

[–]ZAKagan 20 points21 points ago

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I haz a teddy...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ChiperSoft 7 points8 points ago

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*checks cat photo for a single fang*

[–]fluffykittie 11 points12 points ago

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I approve!

[–]MDKrouzer 11 points12 points ago

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Shit man.... with this and the Corgi puppy pic, I think I'm done... KO

[–]badpickupline 7 points8 points ago

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Damn, that is too adorable.

[–]bluestblue 8 points9 points ago

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Man. This picture should've come with a warning.

[–]lnterruptingCow 24 points25 points ago

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that's fucking adorable.

...I mean... mooooo

[–]Scarker 16 points17 points ago

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Kitties... my only weakness.

[–]r2002 7 points8 points ago

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Well, that and bullets.

[–]iBleeedorange 22 points23 points ago

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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[–]elmuchoprez 15 points16 points ago

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You should submit this to Young Me, Now Me.

[–]jaggeh 7 points8 points ago

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probably the cutest thing ive seen ever

[–]theholotrope 7 points8 points ago

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I just puked out bunnies that puke rainbows.

[–]rampantdissonance 13 points14 points ago

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Argh. This is the closest I have ever seen to cute overload.

Must resist making inane comments...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Cuteness aneurysm arrrrrrrrrrgggg

[–]andnothinghurt 5 points6 points ago*

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Most adorable thing I've seen.

[–]jeremy1701 4 points5 points ago

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Cuuuuuuuuuute! :-D

[–]surfnaked 5 points6 points ago

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Forever Pookie.

[–]GAMEchief 6 points7 points ago

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Tears of happiness. :'(

[–]reliq 4 points5 points ago

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GIEF CUTENESS!! :3

[–]KevRose 4 points5 points ago

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BAWWWWWW :3

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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I just got diabetes

[–]ooglytoop7272 3 points4 points ago

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this picture has made me realize that there is no reason to be angry.

[–]savageelements 8 points9 points ago

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logged in to upvote

[–]andreiknox 3 points4 points ago

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Just plain awesome.

[–]smokinJoeCalculus 4 points5 points ago

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so cute i had to puke

[–]emortio 4 points5 points ago

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92% like it... unusual...

[–]iDisapprove 5 points6 points ago

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FUCK! I'm crying now...

[–]hufferz 2 points3 points ago

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Motherfucker! That's cute shit.

[–]redleif 4 points5 points ago

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Who the fuck downvotes this?

[–]SamSoBuff1215 2 points3 points ago

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That bear shrunk a lot

[–]thavi 4 points5 points ago

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This is the first thing in my entire 25 years of being a MAN that has caused me to say "AWWWW" because it was cute. I shall now return to epic stoicism.

[–]caldarijew 5 points6 points ago

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Was he/she a rescue or did you just find him/her somewhere? Want the story!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Aww that's too cute. I love the way he/she still has his/her fav teddy :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Wonderful.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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aww

[–]amaterasu717 2 points3 points ago

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ZOMG! So cute.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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The ultimate "awwwwww" picture.

[–]grumblewoof 2 points3 points ago

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Aww so cute. I wish puppies were that gentle to their toys.

[–]Tyfud 2 points3 points ago

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Painfully cute.

[–]HairyBeanbags 2 points3 points ago

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I don't mean to alarm you, but I think your teddy bear is bulimic.

[–]gripto 2 points3 points ago

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It's growing. And it has claws.

[–]Pansophist 2 points3 points ago

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