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top 200 commentsshow all 450

[–]sifeus 430 points431 points ago

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The first part is more confusing to me.

"watching the sunrise is the hot tub on the 3rd floor porch"

Is this some sort of insane metaphor?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]thevideoclown 29 points30 points ago

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im trying not to laugh out loud at 6:30am. Almost woke up my mom

[–]harryballsagna 224 points225 points ago

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Might I suggest separate bedrooms?

[–]ObsceneBirdOfNight 98 points99 points ago

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I N C E S T

[–]es_beto 2 points3 points ago

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wincest

[–]Carpeabnocto 3 points4 points ago

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It's impossible to call it wincest unless we know what his mom looks like.

[–]starscreem 13 points14 points ago

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well, you just woke me. thanks.

[–]sonap 13 points14 points ago

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mom?

[–]starscreem 21 points22 points ago

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no. she's next to me.

[–]unamerican 18 points19 points ago

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Will you two keep it down over there? The rest of us are trying to sleep. And by sleep, I of course mean 'masturbate'.

[–]lolgrim 2 points3 points ago

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Perfect.

[–]ut2k4king 1 point2 points ago

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1.5 ‽

[–]christhetwin 3 points4 points ago

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That may have been the greatest explanation of all time.

[–]dolver 6 points7 points ago

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OF ALL TIME!

[–]banquosghost 370 points371 points ago

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i think we found NonSensicalAnalogy's facebook page.

[–]mortified_penguin 202 points203 points ago

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Watching the sunrise is the hot tub on the 3rd floor porch

More like NonSensicalMetaphor. Claiming a metaphor as an analogy is like degreasing a microphone with-

Sorry, I'll show myself out.

[–]deltopia 164 points165 points ago

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Metaphors are analogies (although not all analogies are metaphors). It's possible what you were thinking of was similes, which are not metaphors -- metaphors claim actual equation of dissimilar concepts without the use of "like" or "as;" similes claim dissimilar concepts to be alike, using the terms "like" or "as." An analogy is any argument where you take a concept and transfer it to something else.

Easy mistake, could happen to anyone.

[–]Happypants 118 points119 points ago*

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You guys know why we come off as smug assholes, right?

[–]hob196 111 points112 points ago*

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Perhaps I could clarify this debate with a Venn Diagram

[–]Flex-O 81 points82 points ago

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That is not a Venn Diagram. That's a Euler Diagram. A Venn diagram is a Euler Diagram that specifically shows all possibly intersections of your base sets. Your diagram does not have the section for those of US that are also not SMUG ASSHOLES. Whenever the Euler Diagram explaining what different parts of the United Kingdom/Ireland/British Isles are all called, this discussion usually takes place.

Easy mistake, could happen to anyone.

[–]Ctrl-C 2 points3 points ago

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An Euler Diagram.

[–]Flex-O 2 points3 points ago

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I got in the bad habit of pronouncing it "yuler" (like ruler with a y) instead of "oiler". Hence the "a" insetad of "an".

It's an easy mistake. Could have happened to anyone.

[–]oobey 9 points10 points ago

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Our diagram does not have the section for those of US that are also not SMUG ASSHOLES.

Since when do Venn Diagrams have to include all possible null sets?

[–]yellowstuff 23 points24 points ago

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That is the definition of a Venn diagram.

[–]hob196 5 points6 points ago

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flypast

[–]thcobbs 10 points11 points ago

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Something familiar about that diagram.... but I just can't put my finger on it.

[–]greginnj 15 points16 points ago

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I think you'd need to put eight fingers on it.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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I never think of it that way, I'm guessing most other people on reddit don't either. I've noticed most intelligent people don't take offence from being corrected, you just think of it as something you've learned.

[–]otakucode 5 points6 points ago

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Finding out you are wrong is fantastic. Once you find out you are wrong about something, you get to be right (about that thing) for the rest of your life.

[–]JesusRice 6 points7 points ago

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TIL Smug Assholes can be Redditors, but not all Redditors are Smug Assholes; furthermore I can be corrected by either and offence needn't be taken.

Thanks Reddit!

[–]lolbacon 12 points13 points ago

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I don't think that came off smug or assholish at all. In fact it was quite polite and informative.

[–]yatima2975 19 points20 points ago

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Smug? Smart. I learned something.

[–]bitbytebit 7 points8 points ago

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something the rest of us learned in 3rd grade?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Yeah, but what the more smug and assholeish of us can't figure out is why the rest of you forget.

[–]MetalPig 4 points5 points ago

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Pffft. I learned it in 2nd grade.

[–]Gizank 4 points5 points ago

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I learned it back when it was just playing open mic nights.

[–]sonap 2 points3 points ago

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I learned it dressed in vinyl.

[–]Wanderlustfull 3 points4 points ago

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That didn't sound particularly smug assholey to me. Personally, if I make a mistake, I'd rather be corrected than carry on oblivious and do the same thing again and continue to look foolish.

It was possibly the last line that did make it sound like that, but it came across as genuine to me.

[–]baddox 1 point2 points ago

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Your comment made me simile :)

[–]VCavallo 1 point2 points ago

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I was thinking the same thing and felt sort of ashamed

[–]argleblarg 2 points3 points ago

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[–]skwingar 1 point2 points ago

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Hey, at least you gave it a whirl. Better luck next time, and with a bit more spunk and some confidence! :P

[–]xrCore 12 points13 points ago

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I read it as:

watching the sunrise in the hot tub on the 3rd floor porch... Fuckin a dude, can't beat that.

[–]deadapostle 32 points33 points ago

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He's fucking the dude because he can't beat him off.

[–]blatanttroll 1 point2 points ago*

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Wait, you mean he isn't giving the dude a reach around??

[–]shrodikan 2 points3 points ago

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I think I read it as intended for some reason...

watching the sunrise in a hot tub on the 3rd floor porch... Fuckin' A, dude, can't beat that

[–]grumpyoldgit 14 points15 points ago

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Look, he was busy fucking a guy - who can type properly while thats going on!

[–]zeldink 12 points13 points ago

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I was stuck trying to make sense of that so much that I missed the "fuckin a dude" bit. Then I read the comments and realized I'd missed something.

Is it too much to ask people to make only one mistake for unintended comedic consequences?

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago

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Nascent rays remind

Of time in 3rd floor hot tub

Gettin' mah dick wet

[–]xtrumpclimbs 4 points5 points ago

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I would... oh!

[–]Chyndonax 4 points5 points ago

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Is = in for him.

[–]spacebarstool 1 point2 points ago

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So does he like it is the butt or is the mouth?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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NonsensicalAnalogy likes fucking dudes?

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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Kind of reminds me of the joke

My friend's shagging twins, who both like it up the ass. I asked "how do you tell them apart?" "Easy" he said...

Sallys got long blond hair, and Derek's got a moustache.

Source

[–]envirotex 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, since sunrise has other meanings.

[–]Eroc 11 points12 points ago

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Or as Elton might say, don't let your son go down on me...

[–]speek 2 points3 points ago

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Ah english. Best. Language. Evar!

[–]Syg 1 point2 points ago

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The sunrise part confused me the most. That's like early

[–]arichi 125 points126 points ago

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Another example where capitalization matters. This is even more awkward than helping my Uncle Jack off a horse.

[–]aolley 27 points28 points ago

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well your uncle jack helped you off a horse

[–]cowinabadplace 53 points54 points ago

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Why? Did the horse talk too much?

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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They threatened it first by dumping a human's head in its bed. But he just wouldn't quit.

[–]asskickingjedi 185 points186 points ago*

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[–]Raumschiff 33 points34 points ago

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I think the second one needs more compression.

[–]r4nf 45 points46 points ago

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[–]geosmin 10 points11 points ago

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Hmmm, i can still make some stuff out. Needs to be more compressed still.

[–]r4nf 17 points18 points ago

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[–]sweetafton 29 points30 points ago

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[–]LordGravewish 7 points8 points ago

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And now... Enhance!

[–]sweetafton 6 points7 points ago

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[–]r4nf 4 points5 points ago

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I commend you. That's some serious compression.

[–]drgradus 1 point2 points ago

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We need sweetafton working on internal combustion engines.

[–]lolbacon 9 points10 points ago

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[–]modeblue 12 points13 points ago*

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[–]xtrumpclimbs 52 points53 points ago

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Thank you sir. Or lady. Or ghost.

[–]cowinabadplace 26 points27 points ago

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Woah...wait, knighthood elapses when you become a ghost?

[–]Carpeabnocto 22 points23 points ago

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Yeah...titles pass to your eldest rightborn son. You can't keep it as well, that would create chaos.

[–]isarl 4 points5 points ago

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It's a shame Ly Tin Wheedle never perfected his experiments.

[–]Carpeabnocto 3 points4 points ago

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"The only thing known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy", according to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle. He reasoned like this: "you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantantaneously. Presumably", he said, "there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queeons -- that do the job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon." His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expounded because, at that point, the bar closed

Interesting theory.

[–]kane2742 2 points3 points ago

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Don't tell Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington that.

[–]asskickingjedi 2 points3 points ago

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That's Jedi to you. :)

[–]tonstergfx 1 point2 points ago

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Jedi

[–]Eroc 2 points3 points ago

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The Mighty Hermaphrodite.

[–]Blastoise 10 points11 points ago

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Yeah... except this one actually says he's fuckin a dude.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]Blastoise 15 points16 points ago

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facepalms

[–]turambar 13 points14 points ago

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[–]gladvillain 1 point2 points ago

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Also relevant: Example 1

[–]MadCat1704 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit! Can you imagine a size 12 clit?!?

[–]arizonaa 2 points3 points ago

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Why don't you just look in your pants?

[–]shnuffy 3 points4 points ago

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Number 3 is painfully fake.

[–]btnheazy03 3 points4 points ago

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your username is redundant because in order to be a jedi, you must first kick ass

[–]ilovelegos413 200 points201 points ago

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I'm not seeing the problem here, it sounds like a pretty awesome time to me.

[–]alk509 150 points151 points ago

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Fucking-A, dude!

[–]ani625 110 points111 points ago

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Hey man! Check out channel nine! It's a breast exam! Whoo!!

[–]KoNP 56 points57 points ago

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Lawrence you wanna just pretend like we can't hear each other through the walls?

[–]amishius 4 points5 points ago

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No way man- I don't want you fuckin' up my life too.

[–]looksfamiliar 44 points45 points ago

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Fucking-A, dude!

That's it. This is why people should listen to us grammar Nazis every so often. It's important business.

[–]adaminc 2 points3 points ago

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Its Fuckin' Eh, not Fuckin' A.

Canada Unite! Form of... Grammar Nazi!

[–]Redpin 20 points21 points ago

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[–]albel65 14 points15 points ago

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b-dude looks on...

[–]profist 6 points7 points ago

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as c-men gather

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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the x-men arrive

[–]KimonoThief 1 point2 points ago

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And unleash their inner d-men...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]AnaliTree 5 points6 points ago

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I always thought this too.... Are you a hoser? Coooroocoocoo Coooroocoocoo!!!

[–]TuesdayExpress 6 points7 points ago

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It's military slang..."fuckin' A'" for "fuckin' Affirmative". In other words, "goddamn right".

[–]refrigeratorbob 1 point2 points ago

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If you're Gordon Ramsay it's "fuckin' ell" as in 'fucking hell'.

[–]ZtUPid0 6 points7 points ago

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Definitely sounds like an awesome afterparty!

[–]pegothejerk 57 points58 points ago

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I'm beginning to think facebook images, to redditors, are like catnip to cats.. they walk up to it defiantly, sauntering while muttering words of disgust, displeasure and admonishing for guilt of harboring the children of the unsophisticated.. and then they go roll in it, purring.

[–]tallguy509 16 points17 points ago

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Are you a poet?

[–]allforumer 3 points4 points ago

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It's been a while since I've seen 'defiantly' used correctly. Thanks for that.

[–]everyothernametaken1 15 points16 points ago

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capital A ?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]lolbacon 5 points6 points ago

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Capital idea, I'll get right on it!

[–]frid 48 points49 points ago

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It's probably time to re-evaluate "fuckin' A" anyway.

[–]psilokan 15 points16 points ago

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Agreed... What the fuck does it even mean? The first few times I heard it I assumed it was "fucking eh" which kinda made some sense, but now that I see it in writing I can see that there is no sense to be made.

[–]omgpro 55 points56 points ago

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Short for 'fucking awesome'

[–]shnuffy 29 points30 points ago

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TIL

[–]nicolauz 3 points4 points ago

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I always went with "Well if you're fucking A, you might as well fuck B and C too".

[–]92MsNeverGoHungry 8 points9 points ago

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Fuck a B, it has more holes.
Fuck an O, it's rather smooth.
Fuck a P, it's got a handle.
Fuck a Q, it kind of tickles.

[–]TuesdayExpress 8 points9 points ago

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Started out as military slang for "Fucking Affirmative", but now it seems to mean whatever people want it to.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

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I think it's short for "fuckin' ass", but you just say "A" because ass is a swear word.

[–]Japican 10 points11 points ago

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Life's all about the details.

[–]dropcode 26 points27 points ago

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LOL Happens more often than you'd expect. http://youropenbook.org/?q=%22fuckin+a%22&gender=any

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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Uh....what the holy fuck is this supposed to mean?

F-B FRIENDS I JUST TALKED TO SOMEONE I HAVENT TALK TO IN YEARS MY HEART FEELS SO GOOD IMMA TRY TO EXPLAIN IT! ITS LIKE WININ DA LOTTERY AND THROWIN DA TICKET AWAY TO PLAY AGAIN! FUCKIN A CHICK WITH AIDS WITH NO RUBBER SWIMMIN DA ATLANTIC OCEAN& DONT DROWN PULLIN MY BOTTOM LIP OVER MY HEAD WHILE I JACK WID MY ELBOWS! &CUM ON ME TOES! FNM

Holy shit. You just found retard heaven.

...thank you for making me feel better about myself.

http://www.facebook.com/bumpy.johnson86?v=wall

[–]DipsomaniacDawg 7 points8 points ago

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That man is a genius with the soul of a poet. This generations T.S. Elliott.

I'm going to start updating my status with whatever his status is. I should get some good reactions from my friends, family and co-workers with gems like these:

Is there anything wrong with fuckin a girl in the ass

That's crazy niggas stole the mayor rims off his truck, haha welcome to the hood Nigga

Just left McDonald's and my ass was suppose to b at work at 9 o well fuck I get there when I get there

I'M married to the game all white everything

Just got done drinkin my frappe from McDonald's damn this shit was slappin but now im sleep wtf

NIGGAS IN NASHVILLE SLEEPIN ON THAT PURPLE RAIN DRINK

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Trina Williams wow did 75400 pounds tonight fuckin a man we did awsome >143DdHmC<33

[–]rooktakesqueen 41 points42 points ago

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wow its amazing how things turn around one day your sobbing the next your like fuckin a right doggie

Edit:

finally got my lap top back im excited and bout to cook salmon on the george forman fuckin a baby...... how u dourin????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'SSS AWWRIGHTTT

[–]Forbizzle 13 points14 points ago

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fuckin a baby wins the prize

[–]hett 13 points14 points ago

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how u dourin?????????????!!!!!!!!

[–]frickindeal 11 points12 points ago

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The mental image of cooking salmon on a George Foreman grill while fucking a baby is...a bit unsettling.

[–]xyroclast 2 points3 points ago

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I'm laughing so hard right now...

[–]mhanson01 7 points8 points ago

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WTF...

Aaron Michael Gray finally got my lap top back im excited and bout to cook salmon on the george forman fuckin a baby...... how u dourin????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

linky

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah, fucking babies is a pretty common practice for George Foreman grill owners.

[–]diziet 7 points8 points ago

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Now I remember why I never leave my house.

[–]Kektain 5 points6 points ago

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Paul QuinnJr. is fuckin a man, how do i block someone off my news feed??? oh wait, click, =D

EDIT oh yes even better

Mike More Going muddin fuckin a man

[–]anahnymous 2 points3 points ago

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[–]xur 4 points5 points ago

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It would seem from my cursory calculations that approximately 35% of Facebook status updates containing the word "cock" belong to people whose accounts have been compromised. This is most intriguing!

[–]devy0n 2 points3 points ago

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A cock may belong to one person but when it crows the entire neighbourhood hears, may the whole world rejoice when your glory shines in JESUS NAME

[–]BDaught 2 points3 points ago

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every second counts on a cock that is ticking...

[–]NoWhatIDontEven 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah well you see we were in the hot tub and Steve had this natty light...

[–]aolley 7 points8 points ago

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We were just listening to Jack Johnson

[–]Travv15 5 points6 points ago

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We had just got done playing some GameCube

[–]JMaboard 1 point2 points ago

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I had just brought out my can of axe.

[–]c_a_turner 12 points13 points ago

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That's no way to react to a friend coming out.

[–]Travv15 8 points9 points ago

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For real. Ryan was obviously trying to be subtle by slipping it into an innocuous status update

[–]xMadxScientistx 5 points6 points ago

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Absolutely. Nothing more natural than that.

[–]Xeauron 3 points4 points ago

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Sounds more like he was slippin' it in somewhere else...

[–]scottharden 4 points5 points ago

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Floor bathroom, three balconies sunrise, you can not ... fuckin is probably please people. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please refer to win.

http://translationparty.com/#7847195

[–]Nefilim777 5 points6 points ago

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I'm buying him a copy of 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves'.

[–]funknut 10 points11 points ago

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[–]Csusmatt 1 point2 points ago

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your mom's box smells like a muskrat.

[–]Chaos3ory 3 points4 points ago

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And here, we learn the importance of grammar.

[–]InnerBattle 8 points9 points ago

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I've always felt the phrase should be spelled "fuckin - eh" like an exasperated canadian said it.

[–]DJBJ 3 points4 points ago

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Guy likes to look at homo's naked, whatever.

[–]toadstyle 3 points4 points ago

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Is he fucking the dude while the hot tub watches?

[–]AOneArmedHobo 3 points4 points ago

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Let's eat, Grandpa! Let's eat Grandpa!

[–]cicadawing 3 points4 points ago

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It's my understanding, when it comes to dudes, one can beat 'that.'

[–]Chyndonax 3 points4 points ago

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He's watching the sunset from his hot tub and his friends are surprised he's fucking a dude? I don't think this was a mistake, it was just his way of coming out of the closet.

[–]washburncrosby 3 points4 points ago

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...and the problem here is?

[–]Clorox_Breakfast 2 points3 points ago

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I didn't see anything wrong. I guess Ryan isn't bisexual or gay?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Tobias?

[–]exlex 2 points3 points ago

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Nah, he phrased it perfectly.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]macabresalad 2 points3 points ago

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One of my roommates always used to say "fucking a, little girl" ... which is funny in real life but obviously absolutely horrible when you put it in print. I was once mere seconds away from making it a Facebook status update when I realized that no amount of punctuation could make it not awful.

[–]NZAllBlacks 2 points3 points ago

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I read this in Kevin Nealon's voice from in Happy Gilmore.

[–]andycryst 2 points3 points ago

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Fuckin' a dude in a hot tub at sunrise is pretty fantastic, I highly recommend it.

[–]notcaptainkirk 14 points15 points ago

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Silly Americans, it's fuckin eh.

[–]jetmark 5 points6 points ago

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fuckin meh

[–]psilokan 2 points3 points ago

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Agreed... Fucking A doesn't even make sense. Can we just use random letters?

Fucking Q

[–]drunkmonkey81 7 points8 points ago

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Can you explain how "fuckin eh" makes any more sense?

[–]omgpro 17 points18 points ago

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Short for 'fucking awesome'

[–]dragon0196 3 points4 points ago

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While this may very well be true, I go with "eh" when typing because then no one thinks you are fucking a dude.

[–]vagijn 1 point2 points ago

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FuQing?

[–]ltjboy03 1 point2 points ago

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It's like the butterfly effect of grammar.

[–]PhyzixChik 1 point2 points ago

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In the age of internet hyperbole, I have to say that I literally LOL'd and had to whip tears from my eyes. Not quite to the point of ROFLMAO.

[–]chka 1 point2 points ago

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Haha, he missed a "g". Fucking, not fuckin.

[–]HeroOfCanton 1 point2 points ago

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Peter... watch out for your cornhole, bud.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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wait wait wait.......................WHAT?!!?

[–]cicadawing 1 point2 points ago

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It's my understanding, when it comes to dudes, one can beat 'that.'

[–]JinMarui 1 point2 points ago

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Capitalize the A at least. Use a period after "dude."

"Fuckin-A, dude. Can't beat that."

Optionally, just don't use that phrase. It's archaic.

[–]ghostchamber 1 point2 points ago*

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Let's see what the Bad Translator has to say about this!

  • 10: "Observe the sun and the third floor balcony ... I fucked OPA tub, you can not win."
  • 56: "Strange ... Not a morning shower, to win."

Sort of progressively becomes less gay.

EDIT:

Anyone know what an OPA tub is?

[–]idontgetmemes 1 point2 points ago

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He knows what he's doing...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, he's missing a "g."

[–]vplatt 1 point2 points ago

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Supplies!

[–]Dorfidiot 1 point2 points ago

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is it really a porch if it's on the 3rd floor? Wouldn't that be more of a balcony?

[–]bitbytebit 4 points5 points ago

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are you all stupid?

is is 'in' .. context people .. CONTEXT!

[–]seriot 1 point2 points ago

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Commas save buttholes.

[–]alienangel2 3 points4 points ago

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Sometimes you just need more periods in your life.

[–]seriot 3 points4 points ago

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Women would disagree.

[–]alienangel2 2 points3 points ago

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Actually men probably would too.

[–]logophile 0 points1 point ago

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Hahah. Yeah. Hot tubs are gross.

[–]bobadobalina 0 points1 point ago

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"fucking a dude" in a hot tub? he essentially gave his pal an enema

[–]lonefox 0 points1 point ago

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Adouchebagsayswhat?

[–]bobadobalina 0 points1 point ago

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[–]holla171 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome!

[–]yummycorndog 0 points1 point ago*

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He forgot to add 'ss' to the end of that word.

[–]freddunkle 0 points1 point ago

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i like his post better the way it is!