Don't trust anyone you meet online. You could regret it.

CreepyFable · 2 years

There were once two boys, Ted and Billy. They both lived happy lives with their respective families. They both attended public school, where they learned about "stranger danger".

Afterward, each boy questioned their parents about "stranger danger".

Ted's parents explained that sometimes people hurt each other, and that sometimes adults even hurt children. They explained that most people who hurt others are sick, and that there are signs that indicate danger, which they enumerated. Ted's parents taught him that most people can be trusted, but that all people should be watched.

Billy's parents explained that you should never talk to strangers, never let them touch you, and that you can only trust the police, your family, and people that Billy's parents say are safe. They instilled in Billy a powerful fear of unfamiliar people and taught him to rely absolutely on his parents' judgement.

One night, the dark ones in the lake awoke after a hundred million years of slumber and rose from the inky depths. They hovered high in the sky, as static as celestial bodies and nearly as bright.

Their impossible light etched the details of their frames deep into the psyches of all who beheld them. The details were many; they left little room for the rational thoughts whose sum we call sanity.

Ted, who understood the sickness of men's minds, recognized that his parents no longer behaved like safe adults. He fled, he hid, and through a mix of cleverness and luck he found one of the only remaining healthy and sane adults. Together, they escaped into the wilderness.

Billy did not recognize the signs of his parents' insanity. He cried out for their protection even as they ripped at his skin with their bare nails.

Eventually, the government's bombs would reduce Billy to ash. Until then, his corpse would bear the confused expression of a boy unable to think for himself because his parents had always thought for him.

Rabid_Llama8 · 2 years

I play Arkham Horror and D&D with a couple that has a 3 year old kid that will, on occasion, run around the house with his hands over his mouth like little tentacles making the WoW Murloc sound going "I'm Cthulu!" It's pretty epic.

thefamousmoe · 2 years

when i first started frequenting chat rooms i thought i was talking to this chick but then she sent me a webcam invitation and it was just some dude jerking off. that was the day i lost my internet innocence.

gipp · 2 years

Amusing, but the submission title+background image kinda ruins the punchline

thephotoman · 2 years

The first god I will teach my children about is not my God, but Cthulhu. They must be warned.

beast_in_black · 2 years

On the Internet, nobody knows you're an elder god.

altf3 · 2 years

he probably give the best cunninglinguis ever.

bonaducci · 2 years

and introducing the newest cast member of Dating in the Dark; Cthulu! So tell us Tiffany, What did you think of your Date in the Dark? Well, I liked how he was very attentive. He kept hugging me and telling me how he wanted to become a part of my dimension, which was reeeally sweet. *But** He kind of smelled like sulfur and brimestone. Thats a turn off!*

Luminaire · 2 years

Cthulhu gets a bad rap. He really just wants a friend!

bithead · 2 years

IT WAS MOTHERFUCKING CTHULHU.

Could have been worse. Could have been motherfucking Ctheney.

OnkelOnd · 2 years

Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum

RaRRaR52 · 2 years

I'm confused is this like some sick Japaneses thing?

arsmorendi · 2 years

na'ar! r'leah!

AQUA2 · 2 years

Why must you all hate on Zoidberg?

2ply · 2 years

i love this almost as much as stross's fuller memorandum!

SpaceApe · 2 years

Obligitory

krowface · 2 years

I dunno. She said "I party til I black out n I fuck til I bleed."

She seems legit.

mitigateaccomp · 2 years

A couple years back my friends set me up on a blind date. I got into my best outfit, did my hair, smelled all pretty. I got to the restaurant early, had flowers and chocolate waiting. When she finally shows up, bam, MOTHER FUCKING CTHULHU!

radix89 · 2 years

At first I thought it was a joke. Then for a second I thought it was serious. Then I thought it was a joke. Then I realized I had been mind fucked by cthulhu yet again.

noseeme · 2 years

Cthulhu just wants to be loved. :'(

zdogcypher · 2 years

Some more good advice: "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

cst · 2 years

Don't trust anyone.

davidreiss666 · 2 years

Fuck. You guys are on to me.

rocktopotomus · 2 years

i'll just leave this here

xenucide · 2 years

I wonder how many Cthulhu fans have actually read Call of Cthulhu. It's only like 20 pages.

Leatardo_Duh_Vinchi · 2 years

and never yank on Cthulhu's udders. Unless you enjoy milk of the dammed.

gmpalmer · 2 years

[deleted]

dtriana · 2 years

I endorse this message.

redwich · 2 years

i'm living with a cthulhu...he stole my money and bought beer with it

[deleted] · 2 years

One "fuck" too many, ya dope.

4erlik · 2 years

Where is MrOhai when you need him? :P

LucasKane · 2 years

mmofan eh...

HungryHungryHobos · 2 years

I met my ex-wife online. She turned out to be very untrustworthy.

derpage · 2 years

That's not funny, my sister died that way

[deleted] · 2 years

You know, these days meeting people you met on the internet is really not all that dangerous. Voice confirm, bring pepperspray, meet somewhere public, and leave if they aren't who they claimed to be.

SLNH · 2 years

/Rolls a Sanity Check. You lose 1d10 Sanity Points.

KBPrinceO · 2 years

r/Lovecraft

You DO know who Lovecraft is, right?

amazing_squirrel · 2 years

Get your ass to mars!

iamsomeguy · 2 years

so much win here. keep up the good work.

geek

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