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top 200 commentsshow all 348

[–][deleted] 291 points292 points ago

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i would just do all my sleeping while time is stopped and manage to get shit done finally.

[–]Humpa 77 points78 points ago

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You would be aging 33% faster than anyone you know.

[–]OutsideObserver 101 points102 points ago

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Stopping time should stop aging too, for fun.

[–]andme 35 points36 points ago

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If it stops aging what about light? Would you leave a 3d shadow behind you as you absorb or move the photons that are trapped in midair? And if photons aren't moving into your eyeballs would you even be able to see?

Maybe I'm over-thinking this.

[–]fingus 74 points75 points ago

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Heck, how about exchange of energy. If you stop time then everything except you will essentially become an indestructible object. Walking over a lawn would be like stepping on a spiked mat because the blades of grass won't yield to your weight. Actually, just moving around would shred your skin off because of all the microscopic dust particles suspended in the air. Heck. You would be encased in a solid tomb of frozen air, you wouldn't even be able to breathe.

Timestopping sucks.

[–]Loggie 53 points54 points ago

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This is why we can't have nice things!

[–]octopus_prime 18 points19 points ago*

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screw you, buddy.

edit: nicholson baker's novel "the fermata" deals with many of these topics, but doesn't exactly resolve them. IIRC, the narrator carries with him a kind of "envelope" of normal time when time is stopped; this makes it possible for him to breathe, with some difficulty, and even use a small tape recorder at one point. neat book.

[–]siberian 3 points4 points ago

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Another Fermata fan. That makes 3 of us.

Read it, its interesting.

And pervy. Very pervy, I was never the same.

[–]supersleepman 2 points3 points ago

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Upvote for the Fermata reference, cool and pervy book.

[–]aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw 2 points3 points ago

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Or, if you factor in all the magic stuff that keeps you moving, when you paused time wouldn't you immediately either shoot upwards, into the ground, or at some random tangent at 65,000 kmh?

[–]gfshrew 5 points6 points ago

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This reminds me of the post about time travel and ending up in the vacuum of space due to the Earth not being in the same position.

On the one hand, the reality is a bit of a buzzkill. On the other hand, it is nice to know that this is true so that I can stop wishing science would get their head in the game and finish up my personal time travel/stopping toothbrush.

[–]baddox 11 points12 points ago

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That explanation is a bit bogus, because it's assuming that when you stop time you suddenly become fixed in positive relative to the Sun. Who's to say you would be in the Sun's frame, and not the Earth's, or for that matter, the center of the Milky Way? That explanation tries to be cute by pointing out that your position relative to the Earth is somewhat arbitrary, but then it makes the same mistake by assuming your position relative to the Sun is any less arbitrary. Remember, in space there is no absolute time or position.

[–]Peroxyde 4 points5 points ago

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This is already scientifically impossible, you're overthinking. :)

[–]aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw 4 points5 points ago

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Time doesn't exist, you are ALL overthinking

[–]mullwaden 7 points8 points ago

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Then at some point you would have to stop time to avoid dying. Hope you can bring someone with you :)

[–]ajenius620 11 points12 points ago

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now what if you die while time is stopped?

[–]Balrogspain 30 points31 points ago

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Then you just fucked everyone over.

[–]n3xg3n 10 points11 points ago

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Then you in essence recreate the end result of A Kind of Stopwatch

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Even more interesting, you couldn't stop time when you knew you were going to die, because by then it would be too late. Imagine knowing that sooner or later, assuming you wanted to survive, you would have to stop time, but not knowing when is the right time...

[–]nexes300 6 points7 points ago

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Now sounds good.

[–]da_js 34 points35 points ago

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make that 50% for me

[–]tebee 179 points180 points ago

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But then the Reddit frontpage would be the same, every time you woke up!

[–]Mattyi 239 points240 points ago

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Like he said, get stuff done.

[–]NonSequitirMitch 73 points74 points ago

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You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.

[–]Literati 22 points23 points ago

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I was about to downvote you for firstly being a non sequitor, and secondly for not attributing that quote to its rightful owner.

Then I saw your username. <3

[–]SpellingErrors 22 points23 points ago

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non sequitor

You mean "non sequitur".

[–]Literati 16 points17 points ago

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I was about to upvote you for correcting me, because I don't see the point in downvoting people for helping me improve.

Then I read your username. <3

And then I upvoted you with a silly grin on my face! :D

[–]MyCommentHas 7 points8 points ago

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I was about to downvote you for claiming to be illiterate, yet here you are posting on reddit.

Then I realized I misread your username. <3

[–]Literati 6 points7 points ago

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Thanks for giving me the first comment I've ever had on my username. <3

[–]stinkybinky 8 points9 points ago

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Have another!

[–]free2live 67 points68 points ago

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Oh the horror!

[–]cyzoonic 8 points9 points ago

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Like it isn't already.

[–]mystikraven 1 point2 points ago

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No change there...

[–]BaseballGuyCAA 30 points31 points ago

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I wouldn't do that. What if stopping time also stops your bodily functions--aging, hunger, bathroom, etc. In that case, it is possible that by falling asleep as time stood still, you would never wake up.

Also, let us contend that since you were the only one with the power to stop time, as long as you are asleep you will not be able to restart time. And until you restart time, you will not wake up.

Basically, by enacting this plan, you are opening up the possibility of life as we know it ceasing to be.

[–]gfixler 48 points49 points ago

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I've been thinking about the time-stopping problem since 1987, when I first watched "Out of This World" with Evie, a half-alien who could stop time. I thought "She can't just stop the room, people could walk in." Then "She can't just stop the city, all calls and commerce would halt between cities and the National Guard would be called in to investigate." Soon "She can't just stop the people, because they'd notice that time had jumped considerably when she unfroze them, and also, every car would crash, and people would wake up underwater wherever tides came in, etc." It grew to "She can't just stop every process on Earth, because then scientists would find we'd jumped minutes or most of a day into the future, and all kinds of things like satellites and observatories would be wrong, plus everyone would notice the sun/moon/stars had leapt considerably in an instant. Eventually I realized she had to stop time everywhere in the universe for it not to cause problems. That's a lot of power! In fact, that's exactly as much power as the universe, because she'd have to stop all expressions of power, which is an equal, but opposite force to all of existence.

However, there's a simpler problem. What about air? Terminal velocity, and that trick people here were talking about doing with their hands out the car window, pretending it was an airplane wing all show that air is a tangible thing in your way. It just moves out of the way as you walk around, sloshing together again behind you. If you froze all of time around you, you'd freeze the medium through which you move, pinning yourself pretty well in place. You'd probably be able to wiggle around like you can inside your own skin when you're buried in wet sand at the beach, but that's about it.

Evie could 'unfreeze' people by putting her hand on their arm, so perhaps she's unfreezing the air she bumps into. Still, there are more problems. If this person did what they said, they'd be alone for the rest of their life with no TV, radio, car (combustion/gas pumps wouldn't work). Also, what would you drink? Liquids would all be solid. Even if you could unfreeze food to eat it, there'd be no farming, no shipping, no plant growth, so you'd have to expand your search from a central point, or become a nomad, wandering everywhere to find food. Coming back for the money shots would become harder and harder to do, always on foot, always farther from new food and resources.

What would happen to the things you'd disturbed? Would things you let go of refreeze, or would you be leaving a trail of unfrozen things behind? Would they rot? Would it be dark out, because the sun's light could no longer travel? I would expect the instant you froze time, it would become dark. Would photons seem solid suddenly? So many questions!

[–]andme 9 points10 points ago

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I started thinking about this when Heroes first aired. What about light? Without photons moving into your eyes how can you see anything?

[–]DoctorDeath 34 points35 points ago

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I don't think these people so much "stop time" itself... but allow themselves to move through time a much higher velocity, so that they are in fact moving SO fast, that time itself seems to be at a standstill.

This problem was discussed once about THE FLASH.

When he is traveling at super-incredible speeds... the world as we know it must be at a complete standstill as he runs around doing whatever it is that he does. In one comic book, to defeat a villain... he ran all over the Earth turning every radio on the planet to a specific frequency. For one man to do this alone, it would take centuries. Lets say that he does not need to eat, drink or anything else during this time... It would still be at least 100 years of him going from house to house, radio to radio and individually tuning them to that specific station. He would be ultimately alone during all that time as everyone on Earth would be like a statue to him. While he ran from radio to radio repeating this monotonous task, day in and day out for the equivalent of a hundred years of so, with no communication with anyone or anything. No radio, no TV, not even the change of day to night accept when he traveled far enough to reach the other side of the planet. But to us it would only seem like a few seconds had gone by. Imagine not seeing anyone you knew for a hundred years, and then when you do see them again, to them only seconds have passed.

I don't think that it's his speed that is incredible... I think it would be his mental stability that would be an achievement at that point.

[–]Lickw1d 12 points13 points ago

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Maybe he has become so accustomed to the effect that its at least bearable to him. I know it is explained as him having 2 frames of reference, 1 normal and 1 super fast, but what if it wasn't everything seems slower, but just that He could interpret events extremely fast. I know its a bit shaky, but I mean it in the same sense that someone who can type fast doesn't perceive time as going any slower than someone who has never typed on a keyboard before.

[–]andme 5 points6 points ago

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So if the flash had to move 25 times the circumference of the earth in 3 seconds he would be going faster than the speed of light. At that point my understanding is that he wouldn't be able to see anything. And then there's stuff to do with relativity that is way over my head.

[–]rooktakesqueen 2 points3 points ago

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And then there's stuff to do with relativity that is way over my head.

tl;dr version: it can't be done.

[–]Splitzy 2 points3 points ago

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I think your example with the Flash shows that, though you no longer have problems with light, you get a whole new list of quandaries with super-speed. At its core, we must assume that the super-speedy person undergoes a shift in the way she mentally process time. Somehow her brain begins processing data from her senses many many many times faster. Next, in order to do anything useful, she needs to move around, and to do that her muscles need to be a lot stronger, and in general, her body has to be made of much stronger stuff than a normal person's (else it would be torn apart from the strain of moving so fast, not to mention the friction that occurs between her, the air, and everything she chooses to interact with). Then, even if her body is super-strong, super-durable, it doesn't mean the things she interacts with are. If she's moving/doing things so fast, could she pick up a coffee mug from the table without it shattering in her hand? Do the things she touches suddenly become super-durable as well?

[–]khakimage 4 points5 points ago

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The Romulan disruptors on Star Trek, which would completely disintegrate a person, and their clothing, and anything they were carrying, unless it was important to the plot, always made me feel the same way. How did the gun know exactly which molecules to destroy?

[–]gfixler 6 points7 points ago

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Amen. I've also had issues with the transporters. How do they know what to beam up? It makes sense beaming down. That's anything on the pad that isn't the pad. Things I've wondered about include: things they're holding, things that aren't them, the dirt under their feet, and when they say "3 to beam up" when they were originally 2 people, and it knows which 3rd unknown person to grab onto.

I would love to see a villager give Picard a vase in thanks for his help, then he says "beam me up" and he disappears while the vase stays behind, crashing to the ground below. Back on the ship he stands their with his hands out as if holding the vase, looking angry at the transporter room operator who asks "I'm sorry, sir. Were you holding something?" I'd like to see things like hair, dirt, and poop left behind, fluttering and plopping to the ground once they're gone, and then they rematerialize in the transporter room, hairless, spotless, and wide-eyed after the abrupt colon flushing. Too, I would have loved to see an episode where Picard and crew and someone they met while on the planet are about to beam up, he says "Enterprise... (then, smiling) 4 to beam up" and the 3 crew members plus one random dude in the crowd disappear. Back on board he says "Not him. I don't know even know him" "Sorry sir." "Are you new here? Normally you beam up everyone closest to the person who asked." "It won't happen again, sir."

As for the dirt/feet bit. I always wondered how they knew what was shoe and what was the dirt under it. I mean, I guess that's pretty easy to tell, but does it go by plane under the foot, or does it spider through all of the molecules of rubber or leather? When they get back, are their shoes completely spotless underneath, because even the dirt in the cracks was left behind? I used to think that would be a great - if non-standard - use for the transporter. You could say "Chief, can you beam me over there, minus all this dirt on me?" I also wondered if it just chose a plane, it would have to choose a bit below them, but that would mean always tracking in a thin disc of dirt. If it chose higher, it might leave behind a very small bit of their soles, and after time their soles would be so thin there would be holes in them. The soles would also get flatter and flatter, and people would walk around in a stompy way.

[–]ohtobiasyoublowhard 1 point2 points ago

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Your shoes don't really touch the dirt. Nothing really touches anything.

[–]gfixler 1 point2 points ago

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Your words have touched me.

[–]foocs 2 points3 points ago

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Oh my god, he's right! Do NOT do it!

[–]LSCanaan 2 points3 points ago

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If stopping time would also stop your bodily functions you wouldn't feel sleepy while time is stopped, don't you think?

[–]pistolwhip 3 points4 points ago

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I think your bodily functions would have to be unaffected, otherwise you wouldn't be able to do very much once time stopped. At least not for very long.

[–]gorwell 8 points9 points ago

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he might also consider using the same time management technique to clog every toilet in the world just for the mystery.

[–]mike_sol 20 points21 points ago

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oh man. we'd all just be sitting around using reddit, and then we'd randomly go and try to use the bathroom, only to find the toilet clogged... and we'd think, well, that's odd. and some of us would post on facebook about it and point out what had happened, and the rest would be like, hey, yeah, that happened to me too, what the shit

and after a few hours the planet would wake up in a blaze of shared cognizance as we all share together the first truly unifying event in all of human history

everyone will remember where they were when they found out (mostly because it will have been their bathroom)

[–]Ubiquity24 13 points14 points ago

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The plot of the next season of Flash Forward.

[–]the8thbit 17 points18 points ago

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Flash Forward porn knockoff: Ass Forward.

One day, for a short period of time, everyone in the world blacks out, and when they wake up a few minutes later, everyone's ass hurts.

[–]Mystic11 144 points145 points ago

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Stop motion pornography.

[–]xTRUMANx 4 points5 points ago

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If someone leaves a reply to you consisting of a link, let me know.

[–]ryansullivan 299 points300 points ago

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That was good, but the hair part made it GREAT.

[–]Asarael 5 points6 points ago

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For all the shit 4chan gets, they still manage to supply the majority of the internet's great comedy.

[–]RoaldFre 50 points51 points ago

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Cashback.

[–]Wonderfat 22 points23 points ago

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That wasn't out of perversion exactly, it was art!

edit: there were some fine tits in that movie, however.

[–]imfacemelting 6 points7 points ago

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I came here to say that.

[–]archlich 4 points5 points ago

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Gross, dude.

[–]passwordispassword3 22 points23 points ago

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I want to invent a device that, once pressed, takes you back in time to a few milliseconds before it was pressed. Your cognition would remain in tact but your muscles would return to the state they were in, such that there would not be time for your brain to send a signal to your muscles to stop them from pressing the button again. You would likely die of dehydration after watching yourself press the button around 200 million times. To the observer it would seem to instantly dehydrate people and nothing more.

And yes, I know there are some consistency problems that need to be solved. I have not yet produced a working prototype.

[–]foodmagorium 5 points6 points ago

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This might be one of the worst ways to die I've ever heard.

[–]Rolling20s 1 point2 points ago

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Slow clap of approval

[–]RufusMcCoot 69 points70 points ago

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[–]TheRnegade 11 points12 points ago

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I must find out who that is

[–]LSCanaan 3 points4 points ago

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That's a beautiful shot.

[–]xampl9 2 points3 points ago

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Black eyes in 3..2..1

[–]symptomless 9 points10 points ago

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is she lactating?

[–]legatic 1 point2 points ago

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seeing as she's in a bathing suit I'd imagine it's water

[–]rosscatherall 38 points39 points ago*

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I think an uncensored series of Bernards Watch is in order.

[–]ani625 23 points24 points ago

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"Bernard's Watching"

[–]ideonode 49 points50 points ago

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Bernard pls go.

[–]Cenobite 26 points27 points ago

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no

[–]KineticShampoo 7 points8 points ago

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I used to watch this in Discovery Kids with my little brother when he was three in Spanish: "Bernardo y su reloj!"

[–]danltn 4 points5 points ago

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This was filmed at my old primary school. Huzzah.

[–]Doobies 177 points178 points ago

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"the cumshot that changed the world"

[–]fubuvsfitch 29 points30 points ago

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"the cumshot heart round the world" sound a little more familiar, but makes less sense.

Also, is 'millineums' a word?

[–]benjo8 25 points26 points ago

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Millennia.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]wanderingjew 18 points19 points ago

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and 'Willenium' is the....

...fuck it

[–]KronosTheBear 19 points20 points ago

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Formal version of Billenium

[–]blaugrana_blazer 1 point2 points ago

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...the time spent getting jiggy

[–]tctony 10 points11 points ago

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*heard

[–]fubuvsfitch 1 point2 points ago

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oops

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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wasn't god's cumshot the one that changed the world? the whole immaculate conception thing?

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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Fun fact: immaculate conception does not refer to the concept that Mary had a child as a virgin.

Immaculate conception refers to the fact that Mary herself was somehow born without original sin.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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:(

[–]reductionist 2 points3 points ago

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I did not know this. It doesn't make it any less nonsense of course, but I'm amazed this wasn't explained by the fucking nuns and christian brothers who supposedly educated me.

I bet most catholics don't know this.

[–]worff 7 points8 points ago

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I was reminded of this weird Japanese porn (is there any other kind?) where this dude in a cell phone shop stopped time, banged every female in there, and resumed it after he left.

EDIT: Holy shit--turns out it's this strange sub-genre of Japanese porn--NSFW links

[–]Rocco03 33 points34 points ago

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[–]politicaldeviant 16 points17 points ago

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I don't know why, but the 'powerful' part in the title cracks me up.

This is totally what Gandalf would be doing if there was a Walgreen's in Middle Earth.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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The whole phrase "powerful Japanese wizard" did it for me.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I was going to scold you for not including a (NSFW) tag, but then I came to realization that it was my own fault for clicking any link with the word "Japan" in it.

[–]LeadVest 4 points5 points ago

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"time-stop-powerful-japanese-wizard-having-fun-with-three-teens"

Now, that's a url to remember.

[–]weazx 4 points5 points ago

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it's like mannequin porno. Stupid. Yet strangely arousing.

[–]jdelphiki 50 points51 points ago

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So much imagination and brilliant creativity gets squandered on 4chan.

[–]yetiman223 79 points80 points ago

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/b/ is just one really fat guy with a bunch of computers.

[–]MrPickle 26 points27 points ago

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...and an amazing talent for stopping time.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Oh? And where would it be put to good use? Television?

[–]atheist_creationist 15 points16 points ago

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No, I think he's referring to reddit pun threads, the pinnacle of creativitu and educated collaboration. They always deserve to be at the top of every post.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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If you want to know what stopping time is like, please read The Fermata by Nicholson Baker.

Great shit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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You beat me to it. Great read, and surprisingly enough, quite in keeping with the spirit of the /b/ screencap above. One of the filthiest -- and awesomest -- books ever.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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:D

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Looks interesting. I'll be checking it out later on this evening. I love the internet: http://www.99chan.org/lit/src/NicholsonBaker-The_Fermata (1994).pdf

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]a_disco_ball 3 points4 points ago

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that was the one scene in the book that was a bit too much.

great book though.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]a_disco_ball 2 points3 points ago

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I did read The Mezzanine, and it was good, though thoroughly detailed, almost unbearably so. maybe that's the style you were referring to. I still want to read VOX, though I heard it's not as good or juicy as The Fermata.

[–]Dafon 4 points5 points ago

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Reminds me of doing the same thing in Unreal Tournament, but with rockets and the 'playersonly' cheat.

[–]ichae 4 points5 points ago

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Actually I found it interesting to experiment with all the different weapons. Some of them don't function in playersonly. The Flak Cannon and Shock Rifles were my favorite. The Flak Cannon leaves a nice glowing ball - it was always fun to surround every bot with 3 or 4 and then unfreeze to get a big monster kill. The Shock Rifle on the other hand would function immediately, so it was possible to actually kill bots in playersonly.

Another interesting tidbit - if you complete an assault level in playersonly mode without taking any time at all, despite it knowing that you achieved the objective it thinks you took the maximum amount of time possible.

[–]mesablue 17 points18 points ago

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A cumshot already changed my world.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Mesablue.... in the case of 3 year old Destiny... You are not the father!

[–]titan42z 8 points9 points ago

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how?

[–]YourIcarus 29 points30 points ago

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Here, I'll show you.

[–]titan42z 22 points23 points ago

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I was set up

[–]luag 6 points7 points ago

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It's a trap!

[–]mesablue 4 points5 points ago

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The usual way.

[–]listening_device 10 points11 points ago

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wouldn't it start to smell after a while? ewww

[–]lalaland4711 18 points19 points ago

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Not if the powers included the ability to move the cum from animated to "frozen" once applied to said face.

[–]listening_device 10 points11 points ago

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what would someone with such superpowers be called, i wonder?

[–]counterfeit_coin 173 points174 points ago

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Jizzus.

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points ago

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I guess he finally came.

[–]girigiri 5 points6 points ago

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It's the second coming. And the third, and fourth and fifth and........

[–]Cenobite 2 points3 points ago

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Well done. I may have actually shat my pants laughing.

[–]audiotechnica 8 points9 points ago

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...you're not sure?

[–]Cenobite 2 points3 points ago

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I'm too scared to check.

[–]aaaaaaaargh 5 points6 points ago

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Obviously it's Seaman

[–]listening_device 9 points10 points ago

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I was trying to put together cum, ice and time travel but keep thinking of the Iceman Cometh...

[–]monkeychipsx2 4 points5 points ago

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Keep watching Batman & Robin. I'm sure you'll find some gem that fits it perfectly.

[–]ligyron 34 points35 points ago

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Didn't find it that funny, but the comments that followed convinced me otherwise that it was, in fact, funny and I am wrong. Dammit

[–]seiya42 30 points31 points ago

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[–]sonipitts 8 points9 points ago

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I think they were less amused than simply in awe of the scope of the thing, and the detail to which he'd clearly thought out something that disturbingly specific.

[–]PantsOnHead719 4 points5 points ago

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The Internet is full of normal people

[–]GadFlyOnTheWall 8 points9 points ago

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If you stop time and then die before restarting it, what happens to everybody and everything? In theory, a suicidal time controller could just end everything singlehandedly, right? Does this query need its own Reddit?

[–]ichae 12 points13 points ago

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Well, no. A person who has "stopped time" is technically in a pocket of hypertime, that is, passage of time is flowing much faster for them than anything around them. If they died their body would rot away and decay and possibly completely disintegrate away before anyone around noticed.

[–]GadFlyOnTheWall 5 points6 points ago

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I never even considered the notion of "stopped time" as "hyper-time". My non-physicist, layman's brain always interpreted "stopped time" literally. Thanks for the quick lesson.

[–]mcsenget 1 point2 points ago

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did you ever see that episode of Batman: TAS when they had special devices that could dramatically slow down time? It wasn't stopped but it was extremely slow.

[–]sir_lagalot 2 points3 points ago

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If time stopped, you wouldn't notice.

[–]sadhoboclown 4 points5 points ago

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He obviously meant to say Pizza the Hut.

[–]Greasy 5 points6 points ago

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Lamest tagline ever.

Also, it's "millenia."

[–]zentenai 4 points5 points ago

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Millenniums is also acceptable, actually.

[–]atheist_creationist 1 point2 points ago

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He's a grammar Nazi on the Internet, he MUST know what he's talker about...

[–]bluefate 4 points5 points ago

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movie cashback, skip the first 9minutes and 9 seconds in this clip http://videos.mensup.fr/view/241/cashback-keeley-hazell-nue/

one of the sexiest movie scenes i've seen.. (NSFW)

[–]pickledspiders 13 points14 points ago

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Why did 4chan start putting XXX as the last 3 digits? (if you can still figure the number out)

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points ago

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At one point every second post was people guessing the last 2 or 3 digits of their post number, so they introduced the XXX thing. It's still normal on /r9k/ and some other boards though.

[–]atheist_creationist 2 points3 points ago

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Like the guy that said he'd renounce atheism if his post was a certain number and three times he failed. I guess he's now spreading the gospel to disadvantaged youth

[–]hrtattx 7 points8 points ago

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you can hover over the post number and it will show the last 3 in your status bar down at the bottom.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago*

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The 200000000 get was a Ninetales.

Edit:Spelling

[–]koperty 5 points6 points ago

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I just lost 2 hours FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[–]smilingarmpits 4 points5 points ago

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*Ninetales.

FTFY

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I am so embarrassed T.T

[–]canitreal 7 points8 points ago

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So in order for one to accomplish this without burning to death or exploding, one would have to be continually dowsed in water or have some very intense fan flow going.

Why? The human body releases around 100 watts of heat to the environment(potentially more), so taking a conservative estimate of 500 years of time frozen this equates to an energy release of ~1.58 terajoules, as much as a nuclear bomb. One would release this energy over the duration of the cumshot. So assuming the cumshot last about 6 hours he'll have an apparent heat rejection of 73 megawatts, which is probably managable actually.

This is probably so much heat he'd be steaming if water was used to cool him!

[–]KirkLazarus 3 points4 points ago

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I like that you actually took the time to think this through

[–]kiplinght 1 point2 points ago

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This is Reddit after all

[–]Tendious 8 points9 points ago

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How is this NSFW? Why not just use a [4Chan] ?

[–]anybuzz 2 points3 points ago

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This Twilight Zone Collection had a episode 'A Kind of Stop Watch' with this scenario. no raping was involved.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Okay, here's what you do. Make a porno at home, with a money shot. Then play it back and freeze frame it on the money shot. Hire an artist to sculpt the actress in that pose. For years do this with that sculpture. Replace the clip with that.

[–]tobiasljungstrom 34 points35 points ago

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Freezing time actually seems like less of a hassle.

[–]akindablue 21 points22 points ago

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Stay classy /b/

[–]mrreddit 105 points106 points ago

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Excuse me!? This is currently #1 on Reddit - why point fingers at /b/?

[–]atheist_creationist 6 points7 points ago

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The "pretend were better than digg or 4chan but fail miserably at meme forcing" bullshit is one of the 10 principle reddit karma catchers. It never fails.

[–]MrFlabulous 4 points5 points ago

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We're

[–]burchalade 2 points3 points ago

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5 bucks says atheist_creationist put the "were" in there on purpose.

[–]Splitter4 2 points3 points ago

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As always.

[–]Gonza200 3 points4 points ago

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4chan scares me

[–]reeksofhavoc 1 point2 points ago

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Be a troll on 4chan.

[–]ltjboy03 1 point2 points ago

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I like how he refers to the passing of time as "taking a break"

[–]greyscalehat 1 point2 points ago

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Solve NP problems in O(1) time.

[–]alexnader 1 point2 points ago

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I think the Internet is the new window to the soul ... of the degenerates. Imagine the endless possibilities that a mind like that could achieve if only put to good use ... If only ...

[–]smek2 1 point2 points ago

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raep everyone and everything

Dear God, is that really mankind?

[–]drwormtmbg 1 point2 points ago

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people on /b/ aren't mankind.

[–]NoSalt 1 point2 points ago

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I would pay to see that.

[–]kylearm 1 point2 points ago

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Stopping time has been a staple of my fantasy/daydreaming life for about as long as I can remember.

Sometime in the 70s or early 80s, there was a TV movie called The Girl, the Watch, and Everything. It was about a guy who inherited a pocketwatch that could stop time, but it could never be used to hurt people.

Some bad guys were trying to get the watch, I think.

Seriously, does anyone remember this movie?

[–]toddkddot 1 point2 points ago

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I almost lost control of my bowels while reading this.

[–]TheNewNumberTwo 1 point2 points ago

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If I could travel in time one time, I'd travel to the end of all of mankind.

[–]Abuzz 1 point2 points ago

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Why?

[–]Squackula 1 point2 points ago

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Assuming it happens at the snap of a finger:

  1. Freeze time
  2. Find every asshole who has ever humiliated me
  3. Put them in compromising positions. Take reputation-ruining pictures
  4. Post EVERYWHERE

[–]DrAculaMD 1 point2 points ago

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A book about exactly this "la fermata" by Nicholson Baker, and he does everything you would think of, maybe, and it's somehow still great and not just creepy.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]flynnfx 1 point2 points ago

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Everyone needs to read "The Girl, The Gold Watch & Everything".

Reviews of the book here.

[–]Tetraheathen 3 points4 points ago

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I'm pretty sure this is BP's latest plan to stop the oil spill. Plagiarism!

[–]secondarse 1 point2 points ago

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NSFW, that sounds like "The Gush." A porn industry term where the guy gets caught in ejaculation mode and is unable to stop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiS7QEJyrFI&feature=related - from Chris Morris's Jam.

[–]LaughingMoose 1 point2 points ago*

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Came here to say this. Glad someone has seen it also.

Here, my favorite of the sketches are the ones with the doctor... This is at the top of my list

Also if you are a fan of the Jam series, there are the radio shows Blue Jam too. These are collections of scenes with nice ambient tunes mixed in. Usually boards of canada and the like. I think this radio show lasted for around 3 years so there should be plenty of it out there.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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It's pretty bad when I see this on reddit and think, "hey, i remember that thread on /b/ last night".

:-/

[–]Hioebe 1 point2 points ago

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rib cramps

[–]Charles_Strouse 1 point2 points ago

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he missed the point when he dies of old age.

[–]snotrokit 1 point2 points ago

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wake up 30 seconds before I had to get to work and be right on time.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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What and deny yourself 30 seconds of sleep?

[–]rmm45177 1 point2 points ago

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I lost it at "my hair is literally blowing out of my head" lol

[–]tgiokdi 0 points1 point ago

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you ever see that movie about the guy that was a cashier/artist that could stop time and he would go around stripping girls?

that.

[–]Probably_immortal 0 points1 point ago

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[–]kirun 0 points1 point ago

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Read TvTropes without wasting hours at a time.

[–]sulimanthegreat 0 points1 point ago

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Start it back up.

[–]ShadowOnion 0 points1 point ago

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Anonymous would choose to rape everyone if he could stop time? Of course he would, of course.

[–]sy5551 0 points1 point ago

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overrated.

[–]dghughes 0 points1 point ago

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More like forward reverse forward reverse forward reverse