Fuck wasps

Jacurry0 · 2 years

I'm a second year biology student at a small state University. Last semester, I took entomology. As part of the class, we had to collect and pin bugs. It was a major project that we worked on all summer and all semester. One day walking around campus, I saw a bald-faced hornet nest and thought, "Hey, that should be in my collection." But instead of waiting for the frost to kill the hornets, I decided I needed it THAT NIGHT. So I got some trash bags from the cafeteria and convinced my friends that duct taping ourselves into our hoodies would be enough to ward off any attackers. Armed with our bags and a gerber multitool, we made our way across campus to the nest. It was about the size of a basketball, and at just the perfect height to do this quickly. In one smooth and practiced motion, we pulled the bags up around the nest, duct taped them shut, and cut off any branched holding the nest up. We couldn't believe it. We made it out of the fray without a single sting! So with our prize in the bag and a smile on our faces, we made our way back to the dorm. "No way they'll get out of THREE trash bags," I thought, and hung up the nest in my closet. The next day, a friday, I went back into my room to get ready to go out that night. I immediately turned around and left. Those fuckers had already chewed through the trash bags and were chilling all around my closet, happy as little hellraising clams. Thinking quickly, I lunged for the duct tape and sealed the bastards in my closet. And there they stayed. For two months. Eventually I pumped the closet full of acetyl acetate and just let them choke to death. Bastards.

tl:dr, I had a nest of ~230 bald-faced hornets living in my closet for two months.

muffinz · 2 years

You don't have to tell me.

My son was "helping" with yard work when he was a toddler, raking branches and leaves and crap when he upset a wasp nest underground. I was about twenty or so feet away when he stops what he's doing, stands there and starts screaming. Took me a second or so to see this grey, moving cloud around him so I run and grab him like a football and take off with him for the house. The fuckin wasps were pissed, man. I got him inside, closed the door and all I could hear was the "plink plink plink..." sound of the wasps hitting the glass porch door in pursuit. I swated all the wasps on my son (without trying to beat the crap out him since he hasn't got a clue what's going on). Meanwhile the fuckers are under my shirt and in my hair, stinging the crap out of me. My son got surprisingly lucky, stung less than ten times from what I could tell but I got upwards of thirty or more, some on top of one another. For the next ten minutes I stormed around the house,annihilating any that got inside and then went all Chemical Ali on their asses outside and nuked their nest with two cans of Raid.

tl;dr saved young son from a wasp attack and kicked their buggy asses.

case9 · 2 years

"Almost every pest insect species has at least one wasp species that preys upon it or parasitizes it, making wasps critically important in natural control of their numbers, or natural biocontrol."

jk, I fucking hate wasps too

jaogiz · 2 years

I sent this to my dad. He sent it to my uncle. This was my uncle's response:

Bullshit!!

This is *waaaayyyyy** too nice in its description of these little motherfuckers.*

You don't have the option of "just standing the fuck still" and not getting fucked up by these things. They'll fuck you anyway!

They'll fuck you if you let the screen door slam 20 fucking feet under their nasty little nest! They'll fuck you if you step within 10 feet of their filthy fucking little ground hole where they crawl around all over each other and their nasty, squirmy, filthy little grub babies! They'll fuck you if you suck their waxy little nasty fucking thoraxes into your mouth because the little cocksuckers crawled into your soft drink during the few seconds you weren't watching out for such a mind-blowingly awful fucking thing to happen. The god-forsaken little fucking agents of Satin will go up the sleeve of your shirt when you've got your arm resting on the window sill of your car and then cause you to crash and die just because being dead is better than the thought of that cocksucking, motherfucking little prick stinging it's way around your entire torso and finally squishing in the most crunchy disgusting manner imaginable between your back and the seat.

Just thinking of these nasty little fuckers makes me nauseous.

Fuckers!!!

yellowcoward · 2 years

Try to imagine yourself in the back yard. You get your first look at this "one inch turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his stinger is barbed like the bee's - he'll die if he stings you so he'll save that for an emergency. But no, not wasp. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two wasps you didn't even know were there. Because wasps are dicks, you see, they seem to sting for no fuckin' reason and they are out in force today. And he pokes at you with this... a tiny stinger, like a razor, on the butt. He doesn't sting you and then die like a bee, say... no no. He stings at you here... and here... and maybe across the belly. The point is... they are alive after they sting you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

HonkeyMagoo · 2 years

This is awesome and hilarious, but there are a couple issues. The wasp pictured is a Cicada Killer - a solitary species - therefore it has no backup. And it does pollinate flowers! I am getting my Master's degree in wasp-ology (and apparently a PhD in pedantry) so I have to give respect where respect is due...

porntip · 2 years

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarantula_hawk the king of wasps

j0nna5 · 2 years

Wasps are fucking scary, check out parasitic wasps.

They lay their eggs in caterpillars and when the eggs hatch they eat the caterpillar inside out. But that's not the crazy part; after they escape the caterpillar they use some kind of chemical mind control so the caterpillar spins a cocoon for them and then actively protects them till it starves to death.

eeek.

CJGibson · 2 years

I used to always think of myself as not "afraid" of anything, the way some people are afraid of spiders or snakes. But last year I came to realize that the feeling I get when there's a wasp flying around a room is exactly what people are talking about. It's an utterly irrational sense of terror that actually makes it hard for me to function normally.

I'm afraid of wasps.

whateverfits · 2 years

[deleted]

tonynojutsu · 2 years

You know how the people on those nature shows use smoke to calm the bees and steal their honey? It works on wasps, too. My girlfriend had a newly formed wasp nest on her deck railing and people kept getting stung. Feeling rather bold, I decided to try out the smoke trick with some clove cigarrettes her hipster roommate smokes. I blew smoke on the nest and the wasps either flew away or became really lethargic and stopped moving. It was at this time I took a broom and knocked the nest to the ground, which my buddy and I then stomped the shit out of and lit on fire. The hisses and pops the larvae made as they burned was satisfying.

theITguy · 2 years

Realizing there is a wasp in your car when you're on the highway is a fear comparable only to certain death.

Waspveteran · 2 years

I am the wasp veteran.

I have suffered many times at the pitiless stingers of these sonsofbitches. They took my parents from me (okay they weren't). As a child I ran in terror, begging for mercy but I found none. I've been stung below my eye twice only to have it swell up shut. I am grateful it left me unaffected.

The last straw was when I was mowing, and found a small nest on the ground. I felt pity for the savages and picked it up to set it out of my way. The little handstinger, stung me on my knuckles...to which I punched it into oblivion on the side of the house and threw the nest under the mower. From that day forth I became them. Pitiless, relentless and pissed as fuck at everything.

I found a nest latched like a parasite against my roof. To which I used my airsoft SMG to rip the nest apart...clip after clip...until it was torn to shreds. One made a foolhardy attempt at me...and I snatched it out of the air and crushed it before it had a chance.

Fuck Wasps.

Fuck Wasps. cries

keysersozefan · 2 years

Two Things:

1) I was a wireless tech before getting laid off, and occasionally climb towers as part of my job. Two things I ALWAYS take: Sunscreen and Wasp Killer. Invariably, at about 60-150 feet in the air on just about every tower I've climbed, those SOB's have a "fortress of solitude", and just as often the gear I would need to repair would be above it. I'm not gonna lie, I do take pleasure in a slow, light rainstorm of drunken dying flightless demons spiraling to their "great reward". I have never been stung... in my view, it's them or me, and I always bring the gun to the knife fight.

2) These things are terrifying: http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_the-5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html

BuckeyeBentley · 2 years

You know what's even worse? HORNETS.

If you even look at one of them wrong, it'll send out a distress pheromone and summon the entire fucking nest to destroy you. And they're FAST. Forget outrunning them. They will find you and sting your ass over and over.

Fuck hornets.

mordarion · 2 years

Morpheus: I won't lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought a wasp has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed.
Neo: Why?
Morpheus: I've seen a wasp punch through a concrete wall. Men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge stingers?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

Indubitableness · 2 years

They pollinate some things.

Zandt88 · 2 years

Got in my car at 4:30AM to go to work. In the time it took me to open the door, and plant my ass, one of these bastard assholes of nature flew in and landed on my steering wheel. I closed the door, and put my hand right on top of the little fucker. It burned like having a white hot needle shot into the my palm. To beat that I didn't know I was allergic until about half way through my 1 hour trip to work. They all need to just fucking die.

locochilli · 2 years

The animal that kills more people than any other by far is the mosquito.

Wasps eat mosquito larvae.

Wasps Rule.

Morton_Fizzback · 2 years

Some years ago I was told of a method to keep wasps away when eating outside: You blow air into a (brown) paper bag and hang it next to where you are sitting. Then the wasps will see the bag as another hive/nest and keep away from its territory. I didn't believe it to work, but tried it out anyway, and to my surprise there were several wasps without the bag, and almost none with the bag.

aeonblack · 2 years

Last summer while in the process of re-doing the stucco on my house, I discovered that behind one of the exposed/lifted pieces of wood (used to be a Tudor style) there was a makeshift wasp nest of sorts. First I stuck the hose in an open crack in the wood and drowned them (the first and only time I turned the dial to "soak"). This just knocked them down for a bit, pushing them out from behind the wood and onto the driveway. While they were subdued/planning my death/getting really pissed off, I sprayed them with some heavy duty wasp spray. I pulled off the board and there were more of them that were hiding, waiting to strike. I swung the board, fucked them up, but there were more. They kept coming at me, and I kept hosing them and hitting them with the board, smashing them, when they would land on the ground I would spray them with wasp spray. Some flew off to call in reinforcements from somewhere, and I killed them too. It was a fucking massacre. After about 10 minutes of total war, I won. They have never come back. I win, wasps...I fucking win.

2 years

[deleted]

3I8W0Z · 2 years

Spring is coming and saw my first one the other day out in the yard. I will wage war this summer.

jeconti · 2 years

Then there's my cat who spent 45 min. yesterday teasing and toying with it until it died, then wouldn't leave me alone until I came and saw what a good job he did.

lars1451 · 2 years

Upvote cause wasps are the worst things ever

Raging_Apathist · 2 years

Fuck everything about that.

I do not stand still. I do not chill. I get the hell away from those fuckers and make a flailing idiot of myself as I go.

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