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2111
2112

I wouldn't be smiling either... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by BoobsRPleasant

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top 200 commentsshow all 445
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[–]whensday 1363 points1364 points ago*

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What are two things the parents didn't think about before premarital sex.

[–]BoobsRPleasant[S] 389 points390 points ago

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All the other comments now seem superfluous.

[–]superfluous 204 points205 points ago

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Huh?

[–]battmaker 62 points63 points ago

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oh those must have been a glorious two years.

[–]KindaSlow 50 points51 points ago

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What?

[–]WinnieThePOOP 13 points14 points ago

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oh those must have been a glorious 21 days.

[–]battmaker 2 points3 points ago

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Glad you know what is going on.

[–]StaticPrevails 9 points10 points ago

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Is your name Matt Baker?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Ijustride 3 points4 points ago

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That's a Virgin Mary Condom.

[–]Lazarus5214 7 points8 points ago

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I'm not even religious and that kinda offended me... Thank you.

[–]aldenoneil 1 point2 points ago

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Which resembles Mary more than it does the baby, I would say.

[–]fabreeze 1 point2 points ago

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The baby moved to the left shoulder on the codom (her left, not yours).

[–]Santos_L_Halper 2 points3 points ago

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Is your name Jimmy and do you eat world?

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      [–]ImADouchebag 165 points166 points ago

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      I'll take "Big Mistakes" for 500.

      [–]flipvine 6 points7 points ago

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      Umm.. I think that one might actually be Double Jeopardy level.

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        [–]Kite_Rider 43 points44 points ago

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        Or is it all just a setup for a hilarious name, i wonder what his middle name is?

        [–]kparms 136 points137 points ago

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        is my

        [–][deleted] 157 points158 points ago

        sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

        Sized

        [–]Charleym 96 points97 points ago

        sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

        Broke My

        [–]gc4life 79 points80 points ago

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        Where Is My

        [–][deleted] 78 points79 points ago

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        , Screw The

        [–]UncleJunior 4 points5 points ago

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        Clearly Didn't Want My Parents To Use A

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            [–]AllThePenguins 54 points55 points ago

            sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

            Shaped

            [–]gregshortall 16 points17 points ago

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            Flavoured

            [–]syuk 8 points9 points ago

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            Ina

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              [–]dontmakeavillage 111 points112 points ago

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              Ricardo Enrique Jose Manuel

              [–]3rdFunkyBot 25 points26 points ago

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              This comment was perfect after reading the ones above it. Thank god it was at the bottom of the replies.

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                [–]whitelightbrown 23 points24 points ago

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                Accidentally The Whole

                [–]doogleduck 9 points10 points ago

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                never needs a

                [–]mrfurious 1 point2 points ago

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                H. O. (Say it out loud.)

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                  [–]starspangledpickle 30 points31 points ago

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                  The dad, Turd Ferguson, could not be reached for a comment.

                  [–]UnnamedPlayer 8 points9 points ago

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                  Don't make the same mistake!

                  [–]HateToSayItBut 34 points35 points ago

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                  What are, commas, for, for 500, Alex?

                  [–]whensday 66 points67 points ago

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                  I am sorry that I grammered badly.

                  [–]byronsucks 11 points12 points ago

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                  The word is 'grammared'.

                  [–]wolfzero 5 points6 points ago

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                  Obviously, you've been Kelsey Grammer'd.

                  [–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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                  whensday is William Shatner

                  [–]donwilson 1 point2 points ago

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                  I can't look away from that comma...

                  [–]ravenrue 1 point2 points ago

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                  Dude... ur already at 1234 upvotes. I don't think I've ever seen one comment ever get so much. Whensday your awesome!

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                    [–]completebreakfast 56 points57 points ago

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                    Chuy (pronounced chewy) is the nickname for Jesus. This poor guy can't catch a break.

                    [–]insertAlias 11 points12 points ago

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                    I've wondered about that. I guess it's no different than going from "Richard" to "Dick" or "William" to "Bill," but it seems strange.

                    [–]innocuous_work_user 61 points62 points ago

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                    Actually, there is a rhyme and reason to many of the Spanish language nicknames that have the "ch" sound.

                    The "ch" sound is similar to how small children commonly mispronounce the "s" sound when learning to speak.

                    Most of these nicknames come from the way that a small child would try to pronounce the name. You can imagine that these names probably started out by parents telling their child "Say your name, son. Say Gonzalo." ...and then the kid says "chalo".

                    Some examples:

                    igNACIO => Nacho

                    SALVAdor => Chava

                    asunCION => Chon

                    jeSUS => Chus (or chuy)

                    alFONSO => Poncho

                    gonZALO => Chalo

                    graCIELA => Chela

                    inoCENCIO => Chencho

                    [–]blufr0g 4 points5 points ago

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                    Santiago => Chago

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                      [–]starduster 3 points4 points ago

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                      Do you think the disciples went about going, "Yo when you gonna do another miracle eh Chewy? I need some wiiiine rightabout now!"

                      [–]blufr0g 2 points3 points ago

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                      no, they didn't speak spanish

                      [–]beatles910 425 points426 points ago

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                      Jesus Condoms don't work... (they are too holy).

                      [–]Booster21 96 points97 points ago

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                      HIYOOOO

                      [–]Ed_McMahon 79 points80 points ago

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                      You are correct, sir!

                      [–]UnlessYoureDead 6 points7 points ago

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                      If you click really fast his voice almost becomes angelic.

                      [–]TheGoodGreat 3 points4 points ago

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                      Is it wrong I thought of the Age Of Empires "Your unit just got converted" sound first?

                      [–]cajual 4 points5 points ago

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                      SILVER!

                      [–]coulsono 1 point2 points ago

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                      ...and here I thought it was because they didn't have green cards.

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                        [–]EndymionAwake 229 points230 points ago

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                        immaculate contraception.

                        [–]JKoss 74 points75 points ago

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                        But what am I gonna do with this Res-erection?

                        [–]foonly 25 points26 points ago

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                        Back up in yo ass with it?

                        [–]Vercingetorixxx 8 points9 points ago

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                        Is the group harder than an erection That shows more affection? They wanna ban us on Capital Hill Cause its die muthafuckas, die muthafuckas Still!

                        [–]CaptainKilljoy 4 points5 points ago

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                        So, are we done here?

                        [–]Deleriant 7 points8 points ago

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                        Not yet. It feels too good to be a gangster.

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                          [–]irsmert 5 points6 points ago

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                          Wait three days, it'll disappear without a trace and never come back.

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                            [–]zzbzq 9 points10 points ago

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                            Now, remember, the immaculate conception is actually when Jesus' mom was conceived. Jesus' conception doesn't get a cool name because there wasn't really anything unusual about it.

                            [–]Ericzzz 9 points10 points ago

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                            Why the downvotes? The term immaculate conception actually does refer to Mary's conception, not Jesus'.

                            From Wikipedia:

                            The Immaculate Conception is, according to Roman Catholic doctrine, the conception of the Virgin Mary without any stain ("immacula" in Latin) of original sin.

                            However, Jesus does get a special term here, which is the virginal birth/conception.

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                              [–]Hayley3AM 111 points112 points ago

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                              WWJCD

                              [–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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                              A bukkake, perhaps?

                              [–][deleted] 35 points36 points ago

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                              Not a very effective one.

                              [–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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                              What consumer-grade prophylactic could withstand Jesus Condom's bukkake?

                              [–]lolbacon 27 points28 points ago

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                              A liquid glass condom?

                              [–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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                              Reddit: Ripped straight from the headlines of today.

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                                  [–]wootastik 61 points62 points ago

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                                  Now, what would be an appropriate middle name for this young genitalman?

                                  [–]foomp 27 points28 points ago

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                                  i-forgot-the

                                  [–]aloserofsorts 87 points88 points ago

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                                  where-is-the

                                  [–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago*

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                                  Because he seems Latino, I probably would guess his middle name to be Juerezde.

                                  [–]drram 10 points11 points ago

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                                  You must be slightly autistic, but in any case we forgive you.

                                  [–]mrpeabody208 43 points44 points ago

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                                  Robert. Let's give the kid a fighting chance.

                                  [–]Lystrodom 47 points48 points ago

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                                  Jesus Robert. Let's give the kid a fighting chance. Condom?

                                  I don't get it.

                                  [–]mrpeabody208 10 points11 points ago

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                                  Those Hispanics and their ridiculous number of names.

                                  Jesus Ricardo Rodrigo Fernando Luis Reynaldo Francisco de Batista Condom.

                                  [–]hain 3 points4 points ago

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                                  This is Miranda Veracruz de la Jolla Cardinal!

                                  [–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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                                  Magnum

                                  [–]NewWorldSamurai 20 points21 points ago

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                                  H.

                                  [–]EnderofDragon 10 points11 points ago

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                                  Jesus "We Tore the" Condom

                                  [–]bw1870 7 points8 points ago

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                                  Hates

                                  [–]ToucheDouche 11 points12 points ago

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                                  Extra-Large

                                  [–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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                                  She-swallowed-the

                                  [–]Shocker88 15 points16 points ago

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                                  iBroke

                                  [–]biiaru 2 points3 points ago

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                                  Horatio.

                                  [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                                  Holy

                                  [–]mons_cretans 2 points3 points ago

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                                  's

                                  [–]bravelyboldsirtj 1 point2 points ago

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                                  '

                                  FTFY

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                                    [–]gelatinous_poot 22 points23 points ago

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                                    Have a great summer- signed Mohammad Rythm Method

                                    [–]adamdesoto 127 points128 points ago

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                                    Not Pictured: "Moses Dental Dam"

                                    [–]honkerburger 41 points42 points ago

                                    sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                    or Nicky Nuvaring

                                    [–]EnderofDragon 34 points35 points ago

                                    sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                    or Allah Anal

                                    [–]fatalerrrpr 56 points57 points ago

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                                    or Vishnu Vagisil

                                    [–][deleted] ago

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                                    [deleted]

                                    [–][deleted] 44 points45 points ago

                                    sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                    or Shiva Shit-on-my-face

                                    [–]Tecktonik 37 points38 points ago

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                                    or Pharaoh Foreskin

                                    [–]Boiuthh 29 points30 points ago

                                    sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                    Thor Tied-Tubes

                                    [–]davodrums 39 points40 points ago

                                    sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                    Poseidon Pullout

                                    [–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago

                                    sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                    Cthulhu Coat Hanger

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                                        [–]karmanaut 92 points93 points ago

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                                        The best contraceptive is giving your kid a name like "Jesus Condom"

                                        [–]Achalemoipas 71 points72 points ago

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                                        It's also a good way to get a post-birth abortion.

                                        [–]Borster 39 points40 points ago

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                                        That's "Mr Condom" to you. http://www.myspace.com/dominicancock

                                        [–]Splitzy 12 points13 points ago

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                                        Look how happy he is now. He's even pointing to his name with pride.

                                        [–]ACiDGRiM 3 points4 points ago

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                                        That's actually his middle finger, which isn't pointing at anything, but is the 2nd half of a "peace" gesture.

                                        [–]starduster 2 points3 points ago

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                                        Based on that logic, are we actually flipping off God when we throw a peace sign?

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                                          [–]charliedayman 38 points39 points ago

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                                          Saved sex

                                          [–]cweaver 38 points39 points ago

                                          sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                          Does that mark on his forehead mean Voldemort killed his parents?

                                          [–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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                                          it means he paid him to

                                          [–]scrotumbrau 20 points21 points ago

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                                          I'm wearing a Jesus Condom right now. It protects me from those unnatural feelings of Christianity.

                                          [–]streetlite 11 points12 points ago

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                                          Now now, scrotumbrau, those feelings are perfectly natural. Just don't play with your Jesus in public.

                                          [–]darkesnow 1 point2 points ago

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                                          Just remember, if you genuflect more than 3 times, you're playing with yourself.

                                          [–]mapoftasmania 14 points15 points ago

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                                          He still has the scab on his forehead from his last schoolyard beating.

                                          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                                          Oh my god that is horrible why am I laughing?

                                          [–]dalejreyes 67 points68 points ago

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                                          His surname is probably "Condón," which is a common latino last name. Unfortunately, it also means condom. Someone at his school's yearbook staff probably thought it was funny to translate it into English.

                                          [–][deleted] ago

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                                          [deleted]

                                          [–]ThisClown 189 points190 points ago

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                                          That's not how condoms work.

                                          [–]foomp 23 points24 points ago

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                                          Depends who is using it.

                                          [–]numbakrunch 25 points26 points ago

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                                          That is not how Depends works.

                                          [–]joebleaux 36 points37 points ago

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                                          I think that actually is how Depends work.

                                          [–]fadingfad 11 points12 points ago

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                                          During intercourse?

                                          [–]CaptainKilljoy 21 points22 points ago

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                                          So, are we done here?

                                          [–]numbakrunch 9 points10 points ago

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                                          I certainly hope so, Captain Killjoy. I certainly hope so.

                                          [–]vanuhitman 2 points3 points ago

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                                          Well, did you get crotchless Depends? Cuz then it might work...

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                                            [–]falcon9x5 14 points15 points ago

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                                            From Irish descent, but your username is olivercromwell? Bastard!

                                            [–]olivercromwell 1 point2 points ago

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                                            My alliance stands with our first Lord Protector.

                                            [–]falcon9x5 3 points4 points ago

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                                            Well don't go massacring civilians just to get in the cool kid's gang!

                                            [–]Lexington44 2 points3 points ago

                                            sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                            If Oliver Cromwell jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge too?

                                            (the above sentence is to be mentally narrated by your mother)

                                            [–]olivercromwell 2 points3 points ago

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                                            I did, then I got creeped out because that means I can hear ghosts.

                                            [–]BrokenVisage69 1 point2 points ago

                                            sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                            looks at username Whatever you say Mr. Cromwell!

                                            [–]realmadrid2727 14 points15 points ago

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                                            Condón is absolutely not a common surname. But yeah, this would be the most logical explanation.

                                            [–]dalejreyes 12 points13 points ago

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                                            You're right, I should have not said "common." I retract that word.

                                            [–]meh-aidez 19 points20 points ago

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                                            you can't pull out now...should've used a condom.

                                            [–]ab-irato 2 points3 points ago

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                                            Recant!

                                            [–]dalejreyes 1 point2 points ago

                                            sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

                                            My usage of the English language has Ebola and AIDS today.

                                            [–]bjs3171 5 points6 points ago

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                                            why, in God's name, would it be a common last name, if it means Condom? Do you see many english people with the name Condom?

                                            [–]bw1870 12 points13 points ago

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                                            Latinos clearly have a much better sense of humor, Carlos Mencia notwithstanding.

                                            [–]ab-irato 9 points10 points ago

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                                            In Mexico names like Maria-José Sacrificio Gordillo Villalobos are surprisingly common, and in my opinion proof of an unwitting yet perverted sense of humour that is inherent to Mexican society. (That name translates roughly to 'Mary-Joseph Sacrifice Fatty Wolf-village')

                                            [–]rocky_whoof 3 points4 points ago

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                                            Butch is a common american name. We're american our names don't mean shit.

                                            [–]GlueBoy 1 point2 points ago

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                                            Villalobos is actually a literal translation of Wolfgang in the 18th century, or it is in portuguese at least.

                                            [–]emanlive 1 point2 points ago

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                                            I don't know about that. But Villalobos is a town in Castile and Leon, Spain.

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                                              [–]hseldon10 1 point2 points ago

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                                              José María Inocencio Hurtado.

                                              [–]insertAlias 2 points3 points ago*

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                                              Chicken and egg, perhaps.

                                              How many Anglos go by Dick? It's a nickname usually, but it's not all that different of a situation.

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                                                [–]orangepotion 17 points18 points ago

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                                                Common? Where do you live, Ron Jeremy?

                                                [–]biiaru 10 points11 points ago

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                                                I don't think he lives in Ron Jeremy. I'm sure some sort of small animal does, but not dalejreyes.

                                                [–]rossiFan 3 points4 points ago

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                                                They only did it because it is funny to translate it into English.

                                                [–]libcrypto 1 point2 points ago

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                                                It's more likely that it was shopped after the fact.

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                                                  [–]kthorjensen 12 points13 points ago

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                                                  Tempted to start a Worst Names Of People You Went To School With thread. I have two: "Mister Wiggins" (the kid's first name was really Mister) and "December Christmas Holiday."

                                                  [–]starduster 12 points13 points ago

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                                                  Mister Wiggins? The fuck? Does he belong to a family of cats or something?

                                                  [–]ungoogleable 3 points4 points ago

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                                                  I knew a boy named "Real Joy". He went by R.J. for obvious reasons.

                                                  [–]HungLikeJesus 2 points3 points ago

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                                                  I know a guy named 'Discovery', because his parents were hippies. He goes by Disco, as the less silly option.

                                                  [–]kthorjensen 1 point2 points ago

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                                                  That rules twice.

                                                  [–]pullmystrings 2 points3 points ago

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                                                  december christmas holiday? there is just no excuse for that, really. at least mister wiggins makes me giggle.

                                                  [–]commanderlooney 1 point2 points ago

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                                                  Friend once worked with a guy named Irwin Weiner. Honestly, who names their child that?

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                                                    [–]travisjudegrant 12 points13 points ago

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                                                    I worked with a guy named Kent Argue. He was a very poor debater.

                                                    [–]marsvolta 12 points13 points ago

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                                                    jesuscondom@gmail.com

                                                    My email for the past several years. If this kid wants it, I will willingly give it to him.

                                                    [–]HungLikeJesus 3 points4 points ago

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                                                    I kinda want it.

                                                    [–]EnderofDragon 32 points33 points ago

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                                                    "Jesus Condom" would be an excellent name for a rock band...

                                                    [–]SwellJoe 12 points13 points ago

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                                                    Immaculate Contraception

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                                                      [–]streetlite 8 points9 points ago

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                                                      The only form of birth control endorsed by the Pope!

                                                      [–]H4rry 9 points10 points ago

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                                                      It's the second coming!

                                                      [–]travisjudegrant 4 points5 points ago

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                                                      too bad it's coming into a condom.

                                                      [–]ooopsitbroke 7 points8 points ago

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                                                      I will gladly give up my username to him.

                                                      [–]Anonymalous 5 points6 points ago

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                                                      No one expects the Spanish Prophylactic!

                                                      [–]mikel81 4 points5 points ago

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                                                      Better than this kid, and he is smiling!

                                                      [–]kleinbl00 4 points5 points ago

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                                                      I dunno, man. If that kid grows up right and learns to work it rather than fear it, he'll be fine. If a man walks up to you with a spring in his step and a smile on his face and tells you confidently that his name is "Jesus Condom" you can rest assured in the knowledge that there is no insult or sly remark you can make that will phase him in the slightest.

                                                      And hey - I've heard worse lines than "Hey, beautiful, my name is Jesus Condom. What's yours?" At least they have something to talk about.

                                                      [–]zydeco 5 points6 points ago

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                                                      You know, I was thinking along the same lines. If this guy can tough out the hard part when he's very young, rise to the occasion so to speak, all our base will belong to him.

                                                      [–]hollowgram 2 points3 points ago

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                                                      A Boy Named Sue.

                                                      [–]iheartevil 4 points5 points ago

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                                                      I'd rather be named Jesus Condom than D'brickashaw Ferguson.

                                                      [–]rossiFan 1 point2 points ago

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                                                      Me too. Jeez what an awful name.

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                                                        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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                                                        His expression totally reads as: "Fuck, this is going to be on the internet."

                                                        [–]Dremen 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Finally, we understand the Immaculate Conception. Mary thought it ‘didn’t count’ if they used a condom. Condom broke. Thus, the Jesus Condom. The broken condom. And Christ was born.

                                                        [–]Higgs-Bosun 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Nice work, Professor Langdon.

                                                        [–]kinematografi 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        I think you're referring to the Virgin Birth.

                                                        [–]atlacatl 4 points5 points ago

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                                                        Jesus Perdioel Condom

                                                        [–]tetrahydrocannabinol 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        he has his own facebook fan page

                                                        [–]paraiahpapaya 6 points7 points ago

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                                                        Great, thanks jerk. I was eating lunch when I opened this and now I'm cleaning rice out of my laptop's ventilation grate.

                                                        [–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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                                                        (Oh) Jesus (We Forgot the) Condom.

                                                        [–]nabiki87 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Least it isn't Cook Pu.

                                                        [–]insertfunnynamehere 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Here.

                                                        [–]Shawnanigans 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Jesus Condoms: 100% effective, yet fail 100% of the time.

                                                        [–]hereticjoe 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Little known fact. His middle name is "Magnum".

                                                        [–]maleman 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Jesus Condom provides divine intervention for conception.

                                                        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        I really hope this kid's name is photo-shopped. Otherwise his parents are cruel and twisted.

                                                        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        It looks like it's not photo-shopped

                                                        [–]c0mputar 2 points3 points ago

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                                                        Let me guess, those were the first 2 words his mom said after his dad forgot to pull out.

                                                        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        I started my day looking at this picture. I think today will be a good day.

                                                        [–]TROLLTRON69_loljkjk 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Hopefully that condom isn't to HOLY! bud dum bum cha

                                                        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        its Hey-zuese con-do-my

                                                        [–]planet808 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Jesus Condon http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesus-Condon/100000032806501

                                                        [–]supaphly42 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Jesus Condom is what they call abstinence.

                                                        [–]HellzillaQ 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Jesus got into the business after he grew up without a real dad.

                                                        [–]BigSlim 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Insert this name into any article on the front page of your local newspaper and let hilarity ensue. For example: Jesus Condom found guilty of child abuse. Oh, I just made myself sad...

                                                        [–]CosmicSloppySeconds 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Nobody fucks with The Jesus!

                                                        [–]notAnnie 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Hey Zeus Condom

                                                        [–]alreadytakenusername 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        You see how cool this kid is (and will be)?

                                                        That's what Johnny Cash was singing about.

                                                        [–]mombakkie3 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        My first thought was what sort of parent gave their son that name and how has he survived school without psychoanalysis?

                                                        [–]blitz79 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        Jesus Condom = not omnipotent after all.

                                                        [–]NorthernSkeptic 1 point2 points ago

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                                                        The last thing said before his conception.

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