The tour was surprisingly boring considering it was of one of the most famous schools in the wizardry world. He had toured the classrooms and study labs, seen the musty library, visited the Hufflepuff dormitories in the basement, been disturbed by the Bloody Baron at the house of Slytherin, and was bored to tears by the Grey Lady's treatise on Ghost politics at Ravenclaw. "Why does everyone assume I am so damned interested in politics," he thought to himself.

As they climbed an impossible amount of stairs, it dawned on Barry where they were now heading. Biden had recounted with feverish breath many tales of the great house of Gryffindor; Godric Gryffindor, and the origins of the Sorting Hat, the countless Quidditch Cup holders who hailed from this house, and poor Augusta Longbottom who was tortured and killed in the terrible war that once raged in the wizardry world. The portrait door swung open, and Barry was permitted entrance into the famed house.

Inside he was greeted by several students. There was an annoying ginger boy (who, obviously had no soul), too tall and lanky to be attractive or interesting in the slightest. Next to him was a strangely beautiful yet somehow harsh and severe girl. She stands perfectly straight, shoulders square, and maintains a serious look. She is obviously an overachiever, and her countenance makes Barry go completely flaccid.

But set apart from this crowd, brooding over the fire, is a boy he recognizes immediately. Raven haired with a determined look that suggests he has seen entirely too much of this world for someone his age, Barry knows this boy. His parents killed to protect him, raised by unloving and harsh step-parents, and constantly involved in various troubles, this is the famed Harry Potter.

The wizardry world knows him as, The One.

Harry looks up from the fire as if he had been interrupted mid-conversation. Above the thin frame of his glasses, Barry spots the famous lightning-shaped scar. Barry's palms begin to sweat ever so slightly, and he feels an ache in his groin as he imagines himself gently kissing and caressing this scar.

"Damnit, Focus, Barry!" He tells himself as he pulls his mind away from such images. "No time for that now! It's just exhaustion and jet lag getting to you! You said you'd never again commit an act with someone so young... Not after the Fred Savage afair of 1988..."

"It is a pleasure and an honor to be here in the hallowed halls of Godric Gryffindor," Barry smiled warmly, trying his best not to look at the raven-haired boy with his piercing eyes.

"Well," interrupted Dumbledore, as if sensing what was on the President's mind, "We should let these students get back to their studies, and we have more of Hogwarts to see..."

As he left the tower, Barry chanced one last glance back at the boy, and their eyes locked for the briefest of moments. Inside Potter's eyes he could see a confused spark, as if something had awoken inside him which he had previously been unaware of. But then the door portrait closed behind him, and Barry found himself once again in the drafty stairway of the central tower.

It was now quite late in the evening, and the tour had long since ended. Barry had convinced Dumbledore to let him explore the castle on his own before retiring to guest quarters. He brought a sole secret servicemen, Thomas Sonus. Thomas was actually a graduate of one of the American schools of magic, UC Berkley, and had been assigned to be the primary defender against the dark arts for the President. Thomas was a tall man with unremarkable and easily forgettable features, and there was some blemish in his past that Biden had once alluded to, but which Barry knew relatively little about. Still, it didn't matter, and here at Hogwarts, Thomas was the only protector he needed.

As they turned a corner, they came to a long hallway lined with various suits of armor. But something was amiss; Barry felt eyes upon him and a chill went down his spine. His brain wracked to remember the possible threats he could face in the wizardry world. Could it be a Dementor? A Death Eater? Something worse? Thomas could feel the presence too. From his jacket, he drew his wand, and scanned the darkness with squinting eyes.

A sudden movement in the shadows catches both of their eyes. Thomas quickly readies his wand and shouts "Impedimenta!" followed by a flick of his wrist and "Lumos!" A bright light bursts from his wand, illuminating a now paralyzed Harry Potter. A folded map falls from Harry's stiff hand. Barry leans closer and examines it. "Marauder's Map" is scrawled across the top of it, and tiny footprints move about the paper. Above one of the footprints holding perfectly still is the name "Barack Obama".

"I.... I'm sorry..." squeaks Harry through stiff lips as the full effects of the impedimenta spell begin to wear off. "I didn't mean any harm. I... I was simply... confused..."

Barry steps closer to the young wizard. He extends his hand out and lowers Thomas's wand. "Confused about what?"

"I.... I felt strange feelings when we first met in the tower. They were feelings I've never felt before, or, rather they were feelings I've never felt for a man before..."

Barry's pulse quickened, and he once again felt the ache in his groin. "Potter, these feelings are only natural. Many people feel them every day. In fact, I can honestly say I feel them too..."

"Mr. President, I... know of a place we can go... Where we will have some privacy. It is a room that only appears when someone has a very real need, and I think we have some very real needs..."

Barry glances at Thomas, who does not return his glance. Thomas once served under Bill Clinton, so he must be used to situations such as these, and Barry knows he can trust him due to the cyanide chip embedded into the skull of every secret servicemen and its correlating remote detonator which every President has on a chain around his neck at all times. "Take us to this room," Barry returns his eyes to Harry.

"The room is on the seventh floor, in order for it to appear, we must walk past its entrance three times while concentrating on what we need..." Harry says as he leads them down the hallway and up a flight of stairs. They come to a strange tapestry which is filled with ugly creatures in tutus and ballet slippers. "Now, walk with me.."

Barry follows Potter as they pace back and forth in the hallway. He concentrates very hard on Harry, imagining in great detail what he wishes to do to him. On their third time past the tapestry, a door appears. Potter takes Barry by the hand and leads them through the door.

Inside the room is every sexual aide and toy Barry's perverted mind could imagine. A velvet covered wrack with feather ticklers, a crate filled with fleshlights of every description and utility, full body suits made from rubber, leather, and rice paper, and an entire library of Hustler magazines.

Barry approaches Potter, takes him into his arms, and leans in close preparing to kiss. Suddenly, they are interrupted by a noise at the door. They turn to see Thomas standing in the doorway, dressed from head-to-toe in a fuzzy blue hedgehog costume.

In a cartoon-like voice Thomas proclaims loudly, "I'm Sonic, and I'd love me some cock rings!"

tl;dr Obama has sex with Harry Potter and discovers a member of his secret service is into furries and has a Sonic the Hedgehog fixation.

(1) : That's right, bitches, this takes place during Half-Blood Prince.