this post was submitted on
3,213 points (72% like it)
5,134 up votes 1,921 down votes

funny

subscribe2,720,637 readers

6,669 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 383

[–]sais 61 points62 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

When I was a TA I got all kinds of goofy feedback like this. It was a shame that the students decided to be funny and clever only on the evals and never in class. Some of the comments were so hilarious I saved them to show my friends. One of the weirder ones said something like, "I just wanted you to know I love getting high before your class because even if the class is boring it's still awesome. Let me know if you want to smoke with me." The evals were all anonymous so I didn't take him/her up on the offer.

[–]Carmynut 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I always make a point of leaving ebay style comments for my Profs.

'A++ would do business again! Seller sent the goods ASAP, goods were undamaged!!'

[–]Headpuncher 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It would be funny to have two sets of business cards printed up like that, one positive and one negative, and to hand them out at appropriate times. I think I could get through about 500 of the "Seller was sultry, morose and unhelpful, will NOT do business again F-" ones pretty quickly.
"Seller was hot and helpful, A++ would do (the) business with seller anytime!" sounds like a good idea (for the under 30s :/ )

[–]RandomPerson99 37 points38 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I imagine it wouldn't be to hard to spot the stoner

[–]starphish 144 points145 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah, it was the college student.

[–]thepizzlefry 30 points31 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I don't know, I've been in some college classes where it would be hard to spot the non-stoner.

[–]strolls 27 points28 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At my uni, hangovers were a bigger problem. I remember one time the lecturer just stopped what he was saying and looked up at the tiers of students. We all looked, and there were these two guys who had fallen asleep sitting up against each other. They were kinda resting their shoulders & heads against each other, forming an "A" of somnolent students. We appreciated the view for a moment, then the lecturer said to leave them be, and carried on with the class.

[–]pingveno 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I once managed to fall asleep surrounded by students that all had their laptops out for notes. The laptops were also great for having an IRC conversation on what to do to me. Fortunately, that was essentially "nothing". Never again shall I fall asleep in class under those conditions.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Many of them are more low key that you'd think. You'd be surprised how many people partake.

[–]kingtrewq 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I lol'd, you got anymore good ones?

[–]Redpin 266 points267 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I offer to donate my liver to this person.

[–]stereomind 265 points266 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I also offer to donate Redpin's liver to this person.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]HighOnReddit 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No, I broke the dam.

[–]alijohnstone 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No, I literally offer to donate Redpin's liver to this person! It was me!

[–]Scarker 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd like to offer both Redpin's and stereomind's livers for six bucks.

I can get them fresh tonight, but it's gonna be double.

[–]LeonardofQuirm 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Throw in a kidney and we have a deal.

[–]fabreeze[!] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Its not really donating if your getting paid for it.

[–]lem0nhead 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I offer steromind's offer to this person.

[–]alexistukov 21 points22 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

yay for a new reddit meme

[–]big-o-notation 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sadly, it's no longer a meme.

[–]mrkipling 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Also, saying "yay a meme" ensures that it will never become a meme.

[–]Aurash91 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

is this from the jackass who said he was going to die soon?

[–]theleftfielder 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No, it was from the nice people who wanted to prevent the jackass from dying.

[–]sluz 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll donate some onions to go with it.

[–]inthebackofyourhead 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

and a case of fine scotch.

[–]swilts 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And my Bow!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And... my... axe, I guess.

[–]tendonut 206 points207 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I've got one of those too

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2502/4170343498_861c0f5546_b.jpg

I took a pic of it as I was entering surveys into a spreadsheet from the training session I (unofficially) taught.

[–]7oby 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Are you Sabrina or are you Sheela?

[–]DirtPile 61 points62 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Neither, as implied. Or maybe implode.

[–]isarl 42 points43 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Delightful linguistic surrealism. A#. Would double-take again.

[–]jwilke 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A number?

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No, A sharp.

[–]isarl 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Correct.

[–]DirtPile 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Simpsons.

[–]Tafty 2 points3 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Wonders, Lisa, or blunders?

[–]tendonut 22 points23 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Neither. I was unofficially teaching it as they sat in the back and drink their Tim Hortons coffee they brought for themselves. Probably what sparked this survey response...

[–]ph34rb0t 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Go Canada.

[–]tendonut 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm in Buffalo. Pretty much anything touching southern Ontario has a Tim Hortons.

[–]jxmac 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

There's at least one in Kentucky.

[–]barake 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

There are three in Kentucky. Two in Ashland, one on base at Fort Knox. Plenty of stores in southern Ohio.

I have something of a Tim Hortons problem.

[–]macattak420 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

haha thats funny. I remember there was a site with like hundreds of these (not over exaggerating fyi). It was all the funny things kids would write on tests and papers. Can anyone track it down I know there was one with the elephant in the way of a ball moving on a ramp (physics problem). Thanks!

[–]gannon6790 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

so no one found this yet?
now i want to see it but i'm too lazy/high to look it up... or am I?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Really guys? All I had to do was google "funny test papers" to end up here.

By the way, this must be the work of 4chan.

[–]gannon6790 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

yea i did the same and it was less exciting than i'd hoped.

[–]NotKumar 369 points370 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Constructive criticism at its best.

[–]DearBurt 118 points119 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I agree, Kumar.

[–]ntou45 27 points28 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm pretty sure his name must be Burt.

[–]WritingImplement 64 points65 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think you mean Bort.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Are you talking to me?

[–]Mr_A 56 points57 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No, my son is also named Bort.

[–]elus 44 points45 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

We need more Bort license plates in the Gift Shop. Repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.

[–]Karliament 19 points20 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Marge, I was a political prisoner! How on earth were you a political prisoner?! I kicked a giant mouse in the butt, do I have to draw you a diagram?!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm so embarrassed I could crawl in a hole and die!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Throw her in ze hole!

[–]rocksmysocks 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yvan eht nioj

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

T-H-R-I-L-L-H-O-U-S-E

[–]eburroughs 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

WELCOME THRILLHO

[–]amishius 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Everything's comin' up Milhouse!

[–]Syphon8 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Milpool

[–]talonparty 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You're watching the Family Learning channel. And now, angry tics fire out of my nipples.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I wahsh mahself witha rag onna steeyick

[–]Karliament 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

(applauding)

[–]capitannut 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

For the love of god, and all that is holy! My anus is bleeding!

[–]crazyeight 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

LOL I'm doing prep for a colonoscopy tomorrow, I get to be this character!

[–]MeowZen 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's unpossible

[–]djbeeker 1 point2 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You're probably too young to remember the short lived Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour. They had to come up with some friends. There's Disgruntled Goat, Uncle Ant, Klu Klux Clam . . .

Oh yeah. They weren't very funny.

[–]elus 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Kids there's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!

Isn't that the wrong way?

Yeah, but faster!

[–]umm_wat 50 points51 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just filled out one o' these, pre-evaluation, half of the class agreed to write: "Great lecture, better 'stache"

The prof's got this fan-friggin'-tastic handlebar mustache.
Intimidation keeps us awake. Watching.

[–]XJXRXVX 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It would be even funnier if it were a female prof.

[–]dhnguyen 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Upvoted for teachers with handlebar 'staches across the world.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I've got one! (the prof not the stache)

[–]drodeznop 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

We've got one of those at my school too, It is a shame that the handlebar-moustachians can not exist as much outside of the education career as they do inside.

[–]ZoidbergMD 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You need tenure if you intend to keep a job with a big handlebar mustache.

[–]klobbermang 113 points114 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have a similar theory: If you are afraid of dying and want time to pass as slowly as possible, immerse yourself in awkward situations constantly, like walking into a conference room with a meeting going on where there's no one you know and ask if you are in the right place but it turns out you aren't. If you can pretty much do that 10 times a day, you will feel 80 by 27.

[–]Sibilantjoe 83 points84 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What an utterly miserable existence.

[–]notwist 69 points70 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

But long!

[–]lektran 17 points18 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Longer than you think, Dad! It's longer than you think!

Edit: reference since the story doesn't seem to be as popular as I thought it might be

[–]ArminVanBuuren 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i was in the pool! i was in the pool!

[–]meows 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I tried really hard to make a joke about Catch-22, but I can't remember the character's name with the same philosophy.

[–]Najahen 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That would be Dunbar.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yossarian lives!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yup. Catch-22 was my first thought too.

[–]IkoIkoComic 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At some point you will become acclimated to awkward situations, and you will have to do increasingly more socially awkward things to get a fix.

SOON YOU'LL BE RUNNING AROUND THE STREETS IN AN ELEPHANT COSTUME.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, BILLY? IS IT?

[–]phandy 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This could explain the behavior of many old people I know

[–]conundrumx 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

We once had someone barge into the middle of a staff meeting (where staff actually means managers and VPs), interrupt the person talking and start making excuses as to why things he was responsible for were not done. He'd been brought up in weeks past as behind schedule, etc, and his manager kept saying that he was trying to get it resolved.

The conference room full of surprise and irritation wasn't enough to drive him off, it took his manager's insistence.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]benihana 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is an absolutely awesome idea! Where did you get it from?

Catch-22

[–]mikeboy81 77 points78 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My best friend in college wrote the following in the Comments section of the feedback form (they were all anonymous": Dr. Klassner is the worst teacher I've ever had, including my 3rd grade teacher who molested me.

I thought that was pretty damn funny, I had the same professor the next semester and he used that as an example of not-constructive criticism.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]nimbusnacho 32 points33 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Become a 3rd grade teacher?

[–]OhZone 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm terribly sorry to bother you sir, but I can't help but wonder. What the fuck does your handle mean?

[–]ab-irato 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

nimbusnacho

Nimbus, nacho.

nacho: a small crisp piece of a tortilla.

nimbus: a luminous cloud or a halo surrounding a supernatural being or a saint.

A glorious supernatural tortilla crisp.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

a cloud-like chip. Maybe something about cloud computing, maybe something about fluffy cheese. It depends on how high he was at the time, or how nerdy.

[–]Dbochman 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Molesting Kids?

[–]Glenn_Beck 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You can't make me answer that question.

[–]iamthepants 25 points26 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"My best friend had you last semester and thought you were the worst professor he ever had, so I signed up for your class the first chance I got. I know this isn't very constructive, but after four months of analysis, I concur."

[–]Warpedme 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I've had some professors that I would spend the entire class fantasizing about being molested by.

[–]dhaadh 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I drew a cow.

[–]attomsk 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I used to write "More Ice cream" for each class assessment in college.

[–]Karliament 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd drink 20% of a 5 hour energy drink.

[–]daRoach 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why die with all that remaining energy?

[–]Busybyeski 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

To keep your rigor mortis going.

[–]Turkilla 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Today you will learn: rigor mortis is actually when all of your energy (ATP) is used up. ATP binding and hydrolysis is needed for myosin heads to detach from the active sites of thin filaments in muscle. I shall refer you to this diagram of muscle cross-bridge cycling which depicts the mechanism. Thus, rigor is defined as the complete absence of ATP in the cell, which will only occur when you're dead. This of course only last for a while before the protien structure is compromised and the muscle becomes permanently relaxed. So, the 5 hour energy drink would infact delay rigor mortis (granted the necessary components of the drink actually made it into the myocytes before the heart stopped circulating your blood.

[–]sircrowbar 59 points60 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

In college, I had an CompSci professor that had the uncanny ability to make the most boring lectures ever. He was very knowledgeable and helpful on everything he talked about, but inside the classroom time slowed to a crawl. There he would stand at the podium, sipping from a coffee cup the size of God and there he would teach.

My friends and I did everything we could to prevent boredom from washing over us. One started making a yawn log, marking everytime someone in the class yawned. Another drew a progress bar on paper and filled it in as time progressed. I one-upped him and made the same thing in javascript during class. One just started having hallucinations during class. One of these involved our professor's head being a volcano and whenever he raised his hands the volcano exploded. I'm at least 90% certain he wasn't using drugs. I can only imagine it being even more awesome if he was.

tl;dr version: Boring Lectures make people hallucinate volcano eruptions.

[–]originalone 61 points62 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Note: god is 52 ounces

[–]cliff_spamalot 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And currently unavailable.

[–]godlesspinko 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Now if we could only get a handle on him...

[–]Takuun 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That'd sure blow the lid of that case!

[–]FANGO 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I had a prof who was a real nice guy, but very quiet, not a native speaker, and the room the lecture took place in was absolutely horrid, no windows and all that jazz. Class was also in the afternoon, perfect napping time. So I'd go into the class and almost every day I'd fall asleep. One day I was sitting near the back and actually snored myself awake. As far as I could tell nobody really noticed, but...who knows.

[–]pyro138 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I gained 10 pounds in this class because I would come toting candy bars and cans of soda just to keep myself occupied and not die of boredom.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd set myself on fire, because you only get one chance to do something like that.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Only set yourself on fire when there's nothing left to burn.

[–]ilostwaldo 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

God, I love that line.

[–]CrazySpaniard 33 points34 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

submitted 1 hour ago

O=

[–]HaightnAshbury 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd go tell my ex-gf that I still love her, but now that I am about to die... it's okay to tell her this and hug her, because seeing as how it has taken 45 minutes to drive out to see her, I have only 15 minutes left to ruin her life.

After this, no more life-ruining would be possible on my part.

We would have the best 14 minutes of sex possible.

Then I would try to go die somewhere convenient... like a hole or something.

The end.

[–]sligowaths 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

One virtual hug for you.

[–]Headpuncher 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Have you the stamina required for sex 28 times in 14 mins?

[–]zotquix 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah same, though the ex- I would tell lives too far away now. Still, some sort of apology and gesture would be good. Though, come to think of it, that's pretty selfish, since it will just hurt her again when I'm gone.

Other than that, maybe listen to some music. Stretch. Dance. Meditate/cogitate (though this is a bit dangerous as I wouldn't want to waste it thinking about my demise). Indulge in some porn. Write something profound. Post it to reddit. And then...get reacquainted with the oblivion from which we all sprung in the first place.

[–]maxxpower5000 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Damn, I just finished all my Course Evaluation Forms, could have used this line for at least three of my classes.

[–]AnnArchist 31 points32 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd spend it fishing and getting a blowjob.

[–]ProximaC 82 points83 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What kind of fish do you prefer to get a blowjob from?

[–]eaturbrainz 128 points129 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Kanye West

[–]Jacko87 29 points30 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Small Mouth Bass...

[–]rhino369 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I am now going to describe any big small mouth I catch as big enough to suck my dick.

[–]Syphon8 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Ouch, teeth.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

they don't have teeth. all tongue.

[–]Emunator 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Piranhas.

[–]AnnArchist 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

carp

[–]StevenDickson 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Flipper

[–]dekz 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Hi, I'm a 20 year old Caucasian male and I detest fishing, at which age does fishing get fun?

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It becomes fun when you have a wife and kids you try to escape from.

[–]roganartu 22 points23 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

When you feel masturbation is not a good enough reason to play with your rod anymore.

[–]leedoot 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

fishing works like this. for every fish you catch you drink one less beer. the catch is, you start at infinity. and... you work your way back to zero.

fishing might be fun next year.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

this was funny enough to make me drool, don't ask why

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

some people need an excuse to drink.

[–]adrianmonk 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It becomes fun at whatever age you are when your grandpa teaches you to fish.

[–]Glenn_Beck 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh wow! Are you the AnnArchist? I love your stuff!

[–]sirin3 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Here is a comment about eternity, i just read in a book:

Imagine a sphere of the size of Earth, and a small fly which lands on it for just a heartbeat every millions years.
Then, when the friction of this fly has destroyed the whole sphere, eternity has not even begon

[–]barlister 17 points18 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

eternity has always begun

[–]oakley619 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

True, but as far as I can tell, it still has yet to begon.

[–]talkingwires 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"Randy Described Eternity" by Built To Spill:

every thousand years

this metal sphere

ten times the size of Jupiter

floats just a few yards past the earth

you climb on your roof

and take a swipe at it

with a single feather

hit it once every thousand years

`til you've worn it down

to the size of a pea

yeah, I'd say that's a long time

but it's only half a blink

in the place you're gonna be

[–]daRoach 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm not afraid of living forever, I just wanna keep living.

[–]jonr 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"The biggest mountain in the universe lies at the end of it. Every thousand years, a small bird flies there and rubs it beak on it. When the bird has rubbed the mountain to a pebble, a moment of eternity has passed"

(Sounds better in my native language)

And read Jaunt by Stephen King, it's a short story, google it.

[–]icdapoakr 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I get the basic idea of this quote but how would the friction of the fly destroy the sphere?

[–]ubermorph 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Very slowly.

[–]Korben82 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Erosion + time. Andy Dufresne knows a little bit about this.

[–]icdapoakr 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Got it. Saw him in War of the worlds a couple of a days ago. Looks like Mexico wasn't working out

[–]dimensional_dan 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why does it have to be a sphere the size of the Earth? Why not just say the Earth? That works better.

[–]retardcity 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Because eventually he'll have worn down enough of the earth that he won't be able to avoid the spiders any more.

[–]isarl 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Thanks for sharing that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So basically, "Imagine something really really really really really really really really really really really really long. Eternity is a bazillion times longer than that!"

[–]Wolke 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

We have a pretty famous math professor here who has an eyepatch and two peg legs because of some disease. On one of his evals, under weaknesses someone wrote "aim for the legs".

[–]GuffinMopes 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I immediately thought that Dunbar would've loved that class

[–]mothsmoke 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Major Major Major. Wierd fucking story for his name.

[–]postertorn 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

In high school, I told a teacher her class was boring, and she cried, in class.

I suspect that I was the last straw; 'cause, really, she should have punched me in the head.

[–]callum_cglp 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I love the unbalanced scale - three positive and two negative responses. I'm assuming they don't teach marketing research at this school?

[–]reddof 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Heck, even "Fair" isn't all that bad. I tend to equate that with average or the median response.

[–]bmiddle30 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i am definitely doing this on one of my evaluations this semester

[–]PapaLeo 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Derivative.

[–]TheArsenal 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Integral.

[–]jooes 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I filled one of those surveys out back in college and I didn't bother reading the instructions (honestly, who does?).

I thought that 5 stars was the best rating to give but I found out after I filled the whole thing out that 1 star was best and 5 was worst. That's the opposite of pretty much every other rating system ever, but hey, I'll go along with it.

So I asked the teacher for another sheet to fill out because I filled it out backwards. He jokingly said "Good thing you said that. I'd be reading this later and thinking, this student really hates me!" I chuckled because although he was joking, what he said was exactly how I felt.

[–]baconpancakes 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why the hell would you give the best possible review to a teacher you hate?

[–]danceswithsmurfs 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Obligatory: http://xkcd.com/505/. My favorite xkcd of all time.

[–]OrsonCarte 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I work in rope matting, so I guess I'd use that last hour to tie up any loose ends.

[–]ArmyofAncients 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Obviously you should just go to Narnia.

[–]ayrsen 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Haha, I always write stupid shit on those teacher evaluation forms as well

[–]hansk 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I just went through 3 of those classes.

[–]sameolpimp[S] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

if u can't read it http://i.imgur.com/NuZVN.jpg another pic that is bigger for some reason

[–]transitionality 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It is bigger because its resolution is higher.

[–]fatmax 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Funny one. So is work life some days. I'm hopeful and still buying lottery tickets.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]klyther 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

These evals seem ridiculously personal and not anonymous like they should be to get constructive feedback. No matter how mature people are you can never expect to get full feedback unless it is anonymous.

At my university the professor is required to leave the room while we fill them out, have delegated the TA or a student to collect them in a manila envelope and deliver it to the department's main location on campus. The forms are all scantron/bubble sheets with an area for writing comments on the back that won't ever be seen by the professor so they would never be able to recognize handwriting.

[–]simianfarmer 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

10 bucks says it was an anonymous feedback form.

[–]deezeejoey 108 points109 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's obviously a class evaluation sheet. And they are all anonymous.

[–]lolocaust 30 points31 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Ha! I wish!

I've decided whenever I take a course that has a non-anonymous feedback form, my only response will be "This form need to be anonymous if you ever want constructive feedback".

I've done it a few times now.

[–]the_dude782 51 points52 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i don't know about you guys, but at my school we fill out a sheet of paper, with no name or identifying numbers, put it into a manilla envelope with all the others, and then one person takes it to the professor who was not in the room while we filled them all out. so unless your prof knows your handwriting its totally anonymous.

[–]robhue 66 points67 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At my school, the prof isn't even allowed to touch the evaluations once they're filled out. He/She leaves early so we can fill them out and a student in the class actually has to bring them to the office.

[–]DaveEstervez 30 points31 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At my school, the prof leaves early, we fill out the form, we get a student in the class the bring them to the office, and then they have to input the data into a spreadsheet themselves so the prof can't even recognise any handwriting

[–]7oby 151 points152 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At my school, the prof is ejected out of a cannon, we fill out the form, a chimpanzee cuts them into small shreds, puts them in a tumbler, and a trained poodle places them on a conveyor belt which deposits them in a jumble onto another conveyor belt covered in monkey batter. Then, a student is blindfolded and points at pieces one by one while a streetwalker is paid to use her vagina to attempt to lift that piece (she almost always misses and gets a different piece) and place it on the professor's desk.

The resulting single page review is then laminated and sent to Washington where lobbyists get congress to pass it as a new law.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]isarl 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh, man.. the weird breathing noises are the worst. I never have any urge to make them whatsoever unless I'm somewhere really quiet. Then they stand out like a loud thumb. (Sore thumbs are usually pretty quiet, for me.)

[–]allforumer 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My thumb tends to stick out even when it isn't sore. I think it's evolution or something.

[–]IlliterateJedi 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That does seem to be the most efficient method of doing things. I think I'll petition my school to do this instead of the other methods listed.

[–]lwrun 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My cuil litmus paper came out purple, so this gets about a three.

[–]soccerman 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

are you sure it was not an upside down "E"?

[–]jacktt 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

At my school the teacher is forced to ingest all the evaluations. Then, after an hour of eating taco bell and chugging malt liquor, the teacher will vomit. A mysterious sage is called from his lair to interpret the splatter, which reflects how well the teacher did over the semester and whether spring will come early that year.

[–]mrmaster2 2 points3 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sometimes, the professor still can match up a student to their comment.

At my school, the system was the same as yours. We even had their secretaries type the comments into the computer, to put it all on a spreadsheet, and this was all we were told. You were supposed to put your school id on the evaluation though.

When I was a senior, one of the more anti-establishment type professors told us that the secretary keeps all of the paper copies in a folder, so if the professor has an issue with a particular comment, he can ask his secretary to go into the folder and dig out the evaluation.

This professor said she had been fighting with the school for years to tell people this, but obviously she had been losing this fight, as I had never heard of this policy until second semester of senior year, and none of my friends had either. I think the fact that people thought they were anonymous made them more likely to put down their student ID number.

Even if they didn't put down an ID, if you had distinctive handwriting, you were at a disadvantage if you wanted to speak frankly about a professor and ever take them again.

[–]veXvector 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

We used to do that, now it's all online so there's no awkward peer incentive to even do them! :D

[–]kelvie 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

We switched to an electronic system now. This helps for those morning classes, because near the end of the semester, people stop showing up to those.

[–]anarchman 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Are you still in high school? If not, what university? If it is a public university in the United States I am pretty sure they are breaking a privacy law which I can look up for you if you like.

[–]Iguanaforhire 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Theoretically.

[–]puffypants123 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I can usually tell who it is by the handwriting. Just a word to the wise. It doesn't really matter though-- we don't see them until after final grades have been put in.

[–]jrivs13 27 points28 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]esotericguy 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Description was perfect, would look at again. A++++

[–]DirtPile 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

They stop there, apparently.

[–]the_dude782 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

kind of like how being a piece of shit on the internet is also anonymous