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Destroy the Computer!! (pic) (cdn-www.cracked.com)
submitted 2 years ago by olbeefy
[–]melanthius 68 points69 points70 points 2 years ago
Come to think of it, I do spend more time on a computer than with my girlfriend. Maybe my computers are gay.
[–]timeshifter_ 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago
Only if you put your penis in the rear exhaust.
And refer to your computer as a male.
[–]ifiwasntintherapgame 38 points39 points40 points 2 years ago
...yup, totally gay.
[–]OnSolThree 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
It's only gay if the hard drives touch.
[–]perezidentt 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
It's okay to have a sword fight with the wifi dongles though.
[–]I_divided_by_0- 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
My computer is called NCC 1701 E. Does that make me gay?
[–]timeshifter_ 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Hey, I thought she was a pretty ship.
[–]Cid420 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I don't know about you but I refer to my machines as females. For instance, the one I'm on now even has an I Dream of Jeannie sound bite play when it starts up..."Hello master!".
[–]Snapdad 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago
hmm I named my computer the same name I named my penis. Little Beavis.
[–]TheGonzo 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
actually
laptop name - MicahKhurtz (it gets hot) desktop name - HughJurgan (it has a large monitor)
[–]protell 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
tmi
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
There is no such thing as too much.
[–]deserted 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
OK, that's a bit creepy.
[–]vanbacon 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I've often made jokes about having sex with my computer through the USB port. What it looks like a vagina Or could look like one with a little decorating
[–]Shaper_pmp 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
FYI, there's something very wrong with your girlfriend. A healthy vagina should look nothing like a USB port.
Unless he has a rectangular penis.
[–]Shaper_pmp 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
No... no... irrespective of the shape of his penis, a healthy vagina should still not look like this.
Damn, double penetration at it's finest.
[–]malicart 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
There is something wrong with his penis. It should not be able to fit into a USB port.
[–]HotBBQ -9 points-8 points-7 points 2 years ago
Come to think of it, I do spend more time on a computer than on my girlfriend. Maybe my computers are gay.
FTFY.
[–]I_divided_by_0- 128 points129 points130 points 2 years ago
I... can't tell if this is satire or real.
[–][deleted] 218 points219 points220 points 2 years ago
It's a pro-gay rights demonstrator with an ironic sign. Note that she is carrying a rainbow flag.
[–]photokeith 279 points280 points281 points 2 years ago
Maybe she's anti-gay with an ironic rainbow flag.
[–]cutchyacokov 124 points125 points126 points 2 years ago
A fundamentalist hipster? Nuke the site from orbit.
[–]tdehnel 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago
It's the only way to be sure. You didn't know that?
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
I knew that it was the only way to be sure before it got popular.
[–]Legollama 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
You're just saying that to be cool. Real fans of the phrase... you know what? You don't deserve to know.
[–]f4hy 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Isn't there some law that pertains this this?
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago
Poe's law.
[–]GarethNZ 21 points22 points23 points 2 years ago
And that the sign is computer-printed :P
[–]brainburger 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
I don't think so. I recall it being shopped by the b3ta collective for one of their competitions.
[–]egarland -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago
OMFG! ACTUAL irony!
[–]mrjsson 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
Even better: FACTUAL irony!
[–]randomb0y 40 points41 points42 points 2 years ago
You think that real homophobes have any idea about who Turing was and what he did?
[–]HeroOfCanton 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago
Nerd != liberal
[–]postertorn 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago
It should. Can we get that fixed?
[–]cynicalcheeto 20 points21 points22 points 2 years ago
I'm working on the Reality v1.01 patch. I'm working on making explosion physics more awesome, but I'll get to it after.
[–]frankichiro 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago
Oh, you mean like explosions in space? That is awesome! :D
[–]zirconium 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago
Could we get some sound up there too?
[–]frankichiro 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago
So that somebody actually could hear you scream in space.
[–]jillg 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Fucking Alien.
[–]Legollama 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
I'm not certain I'd want to hear that.
[–]l034me 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
I don't have admin rights to run that :(
[–]cynicalcheeto 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
You're gonna have to contact your system administrator, then. I can't help you.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Can everyone's dick be bigger too?
[–]cynicalcheeto 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
The answer to that question is right in the FAQ:
Q: Can you make everyone's dick bigger? A: Cause then we'd have to make everyone's vagina bigger, too.
Q: Can you make everyone's dick bigger?
A: Cause then we'd have to make everyone's vagina bigger, too.
[–]cohesion 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
i need some evidence of this.
[–]parallax7d 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
plenty of homophobes worked with turing, is probably why things didn't work out so well.
[–]fwork 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
Oh no, they were fine working with him. Without his work on cracking the enigma the war would have gone on longer and thousands or millions more would have died.
Once the war was over and he was no longer useful, then it became a problem.
[–]FlyingBishop 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
There are no homophobes in foxholes.
[–]falseprophet 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Even better question: Would real homophobes be able to spell that well?
[–]DeedTheInky 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Good point. If she was a fundie the sign would probably just say "JESUS HAD NO COMPERTERS BEWARE SINNUR THE UN IS GEI CONSPIRASY." Or possibly something less legible.
[–]sundowntg 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
also note that the sign was designed and printed with computers
[–]takeda64 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
also note that she is most likely a lesbian and didn't think that someone would take it any other way than poking fun of the fundamentalists.
[–]Asystole 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago
The "Who cares if he cracked the German Enigma code and won World War II" bit makes it pretty damn obvious it's satire.
[–]degustibus 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago*
Satire mixed with revisionist fantasy. Turing was a genius and made important contributions, but did not win World War II nor did he "invent" the computer. (Yes, hopefully everyone here knows this already.)
A frequent misconception is that Turing was a key figure in the design of Colossus; this was not the case.
And Turing shouldn't even be remembered for breaking the Enigma.
Marian Adam Rejewski ( [ˈmarjan reˈjefski] (help·info); 16 August 1905 – 13 February 1980) was a Polish mathematician and cryptologist who in 1932 solved the plugboard-equipped Enigma machine, the main cipher device used by Germany. The success of Rejewski and his colleagues Jerzy Różycki and Henryk Zygalski jump-started British reading of Enigma in World War II; the intelligence so gained, code-named "Ultra", contributed, perhaps decisively, to the defeat of Nazi Germany.wiki
[–]hajk 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Colossus was used to break Tunny, a telex cipher and was designed principally by Tommy Flowers. Turing worked on the Bombe which cracked Enigma and heavily modded the original Polish design to use "cribs" (known plain text attacks) which made it much faster to find the settings, but this too was modded to reduce the amount of plaintext required by someone else. Between the Poles (Marian and Jerzy), Turing and the other, they did not "win" WW2 but they did shorten the war by at least a year and saved a lot of lives in the convoys.
[–]humbled 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Indeed. Turing's breakthrough was the design of a machine that could be reprogrammed to try different permutations, and do it quickly enough that the Allies could crack the Enigma settings which the Germans rotated every day, even though he stood on the shoulders of Rejewski. That shouldn't be used to diminish his accomplishments, as science is a community process that requires building on the accomplishments of those who went before you. I mean, Einstein may have derived E=mc2 but who cares? The real credit belongs to Newton & Huygens, those guys are the ones who really invented calculus in the first place!
[–]soxy 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Gotta call Poe's Law on this.
It's transcendent dude.
[–]monkeyman114 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Thats what is so sad.....the real protesters are so wierd that this doesn't seem like satire.
[–]Benjaphar 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
That makes me very sad for you.
[–]borez -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
ratire.
[–]slithymonster -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Don't the Westboro Baptist Church crazies have rainbows? I think it's them. Which means it's real.
[–]takeda64 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I think your sarcasm detector is broken ... or mine.
[–]brokenearth02 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
...and so the Butlerian Jihad begins...
[–]turingheuristic 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
So very fucking spot on, I wish I could give more ups.
[–]desimusxvii 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago
They don't even avert their eyes when you pee in the hamper.
[–]Pheter 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
I read that as hampster.
[–]ifiwasntintherapgame 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
I read that as hamper.
[–]Pheter 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Well done!
[–]vegievegie 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago
my monitor was made by a hetrosexual priest which cancels out the homo's devil machine. so i guess im in the clear
[–]pinguis -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago
Priests, should be asexual. Your probably buggers little girls instead of little boys. I guess you may not be in the clear after all, huh?
[–]HyperSpaz 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
There is a whole christian sect who condemn computers (not their main tenet, though). They call themselves "Marienkinder" ("Children of Mary", not to be confused with the Children of Mary). I can't find any English-language material on them atm, but here are some nice pictures of computer-related tracts issued by them to give you an impression:
http://www.heise.de/tp/r4/bild/29/29872/29872_1.html
Computer = 666 = Satan
He is right in our midst and kills everyone, Save yourselves from the beast out of hell!
http://www.heise.de/tp/r4/bild/29/29872/29872_2.html
He has surrounded the grey world. In the future he will force everyone from the cradle to the computer, to the image of the Beast, to the foundation of all existence. But nevertheless the Beast will be defeated devastatingly. And beneath: Holy Archangel Michael defend us in our struggle.
http://www.heise.de/tp/r4/bild/29/29872/29872_3.html
Edit: Forgot some text.
[–]spazzm 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
I can't find any English-language material on them atm,
What, they don't have a website?
[–]shuzumi 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
they are on to our dragon overlords
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago
.
M̟̎̂̌͝y̲̘̠͉̲̑̊̈̎̑͑ ̺̫̖̝̠͍͋̐́̏̈́̈i̇̇͗͟n̅t͇̩̮̀͒̒̂̅̋ḛ̟̱̠̜͒ṛ͍̫̠̳̙̉̋̏̀͡n̮̺̦̣̰̩̰e̸̓̓̚̚t̲̟̻̘̻̂͊s̯̰͗̇̐̎ ͎̙̍̔͆̇̍͌͗a͍̩͈͎̩͒ȓ͈̣̟̼̱̗̪̽̂͡e̝͉͉̓͒ ͍͍̟̳̩̋͒́̎̄̓̀b̛͈̱̼̻̘͇̗͑͂r͈̞̾͋͂͊̋͆̆o̟̞̜̟̝̞̠̐̿̉͌͜k̢̤̯͓̜̩̲̭̂̉͆͌e̻̹̻̽͜n͎̯͞
. ̳̝̦̃ͅ
[–]tugteen 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
Got the cyberAIDS eh?
Now you've got it!
Swarm! Swarm! Swarm!
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I'm more of a fan of the internet than of my computer in particular. Does this mean I'm gay?
[–]reddddditer 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
very.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Damn it! Should I tell my wife or keep on living a lie?
[–]big_cheese 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Why ruin a good thing? Do like Timmy says. "Livin' a lie! Livin' a lie! Timmay!"
[–]TheGeneral 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
upvoted for hot-linking.
[–]ironnick 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Did he look at himself in the mirror before stepping out of the house with that outfit?
[–]BaumFrosch 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Ahh, irony, gotta love these people.
[–]Paul-ish 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
If you looked closely she is carrying a rainbow colored flag. I detect sarcasm in that photo.
The problem is this, I can see a right winger using that sign LEGITIMATELY.
The fact she had to put the disclaimer about WW2 in just proves my point. As satire, this sign isn't obvious enough to work on the majority of people, who are borderline retards.
It would be easy to detect satire if she was smiling instead of looking grouchy
[–]BaconCat 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
"It's a homo's devil machine"
I think I just found my new tagline for when I don't like some contraption or another.
[–]lnava 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Hmmm... I wonder how she made that sign?
[–]jusu 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
I'm pretty sure she has Vista.
[–]hrtattx 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
or WinME. This pic looks a little old. I was pretty close to an anti-computer crusade after using that shit.
[–]splinty 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Fuck!!! Now I think I'm gay!
[–]ropers 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago*
Here's a little background for yers. (Starts at 1m10s.)
[–]TheGreatNico 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Am I the only one who read that in Arnold's voice?
[–]CD7 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Wow, a scary lesbian.
[–]m1ss1ontomars2k4 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Wait, so this ISN'T spawn of the devil? Lame.
[–]citizenmouse 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Awww, I love my little homo-devil machine.
[–]notaloop 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Larger version for those who want to read the fine print.
[–]chromakode 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Sigh. This again?
[–]joellevin 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I'll note that that is definitely not a hand-made sign.
[–]jimmick 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Is... Is that Spencer Rice?
[–]drmc_coy 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
shall I destroy my computer before or after I write this?
[–]zoomzoom83 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I love the fact that the sign was printed by a computer
It sure is, and that's why I like it so much. :)
[–]James_Johnson 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I've seen this before, and what's funny to me is that John Von Neumann had more to do with creating actual computers than Turing did IIRC.
Wasn't it Zuse? Or maybe Babbage, Jacquard, Boole or Stibitz?
[–]apollotiger 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Lovelace!
[–]James_Johnson 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
No, I meant the modern electronic fetch-execute-store computer, not theoretical computer science or whatever mechanical protocomputers Babbage or the ancient Greeks made.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
What exactly do you mean by modern electronic fetch-execute-store computer? You mean like Turing's work on stored-program computer and the actual computers Manchester Mark 1 and the Automatic Computing Engine? Or rather the work by Mauchly and Eckert?
Anyway it seems pretty arbitrary to choose a particular development/person in computers and saying this is the point by which modern computers are derived, when many different developments within computer science led the way.
PS. The dudes I mentioned are all theoretical computer scientists, who also have implemented their ideas in building actual computers (bar Boole who didn't and Babbage who didn't finish). No ancient Greeks.
Don't get me wrong, those others laid an important theoretical foundation, but no one's ever fired up their Turing machine to play Quake.
When you play Quake you are playing on a Turing machine.
[–]squigs 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
Naah. My gaming machine has a finite amount of storage. It's only an approximation to a Turing machine.
[–]solyanik -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Alan Turing winning WWII is just ridiculous.
It is usually missed by US history classes, but 80% of German military deaths were on the Eastern Front. Soviet Union had 23M casualties, of which 10M were military.
http://1-800-magic.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-us-has-won-world-war-ii.html
[–]Wartz 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago*
Do you think that Russia doing all the winning in Europe would have been any better than Hitler keeping control?
And US contribution to winning the war was closer to that of France and UK, and far, far, far, far behind Soviet Union, where Germans lost 80% of their army and where it was broken in Stalingrad
Here's a few contributions to the war that were ignored in that article.
Stalin himself declared that without the gigantic US production machine, the war could not have been won.
Britain would have starved without food, oil, and raw materials from the US.
With the UK out of the way in Africa, Hitler would have had full access to middle-east oil.
Russia would have had to do without hundreds of thousands of heavy trucks (The foundations of a mobile army) and the US produced 95% of new locomotives and railcars that Russia replaced losses with. In fact 65% of Russian ground transport was US built, and Russian rocket artillery batteries were almost all built on top of US trucks.
Russia would had to do without the flow of millions of tons of food, clothing, and medical supplies from the US via the Pacific, Iran, and the Arctic.
The US produced some 20% of Russian combat aircraft.
US/British heavy bombers did massive damage to the German economical war machine, and US/British fighter pilots virtually destroyed the Luftwaffe, thereby removing an extremely potent threat to Russian tank forces.
Japan would have been free to attack Russia, putting Russia's east Asia factory complex at huge risk.
Casualty counts are not the only part of a war.
[–]Brian 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
None of those are contradicting the point. It's also clearly true that without Russia, the war could not have been won. You could say the same thing about the UK, but that doesn't mean it's contribution outweighed Russia's. The fact that the removal of one participant changes the outcome says nothing about the relative contribution of each part, just that it wasn't superfluous (ie remove 0.2 from "0.7+0.1+0.1+0.2" and you no longer exceed 1.0, but 0.7 is still the main contribution, and 0.2 is still closer to 0.1 than 0.7).
I think that by any reasonable measure, Russia's contribution was much greater than the US's. (Though this is not to say that Russia winning would have been a good thing for Europe compared with the role the US had post-war in stopping it's advances)
[–]Xeiheo 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Wooosh!
Nice graphic design on the posters there.
[–][deleted] 2 years ago
[deleted]
She's being sarcastic, genius.
[–]mrgrimm -8 points-7 points-6 points 2 years ago
She looks like she eats some mean carpet.
[–]anything_but -4 points-3 points-2 points 2 years ago
Being stupid enough to write such a sign and being stupid enough to write such a sign carrying a rainbow flag does not seem too different to me.
[–]Talamasca -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago
The part of the pic that was cropped.
[–]skwigger -10 points-9 points-8 points 2 years ago
wtf is this chick doing out of the kitchen? am I the only one to ask these tough questions?
[–]robkinyon -13 points-12 points-11 points 2 years ago
Delicious Irony: Complaining about homosexual's inventing the computer dressed in a crimson robe holding a rainbow flag in one and and a sign in the other - robes, flag, and sign having been designed on and made with the help of computers.
[–]randomb0y 20 points21 points22 points 2 years ago
Your satire detector seems to be malfunctioning.
[–]willies_hat 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
Sometimes when the gaydar gets squirrelly it'll bring down the whole shebang.
[–]superwinner 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
personal experience?
[–]willies_hat 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Live in Vermont for a few years and you'll set it first hand. ;)
[–]cajun_super_coder 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
"squirrelly" is my new favorite word.
[–]ajehals 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I'm guessing it's satire based on the sign, the fact she is holding a rainbow flag and that the picture doesn't seem to have been taken in the US.
Mr Babbage might take offense at the 'the gays' claiming his invention.
[–]AmazingShip -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago
Doesn't deserve as many upvotes as it's getting. Pretty rudimentary populist appeal, if you ask me.
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
[–]melanthius 68 points69 points70 points ago
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