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top 200 commentsshow all 467

[–]CleanCleanClean 535 points536 points ago

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Isn't it obvious? He stopped aging when he drank from the Holy Grail in the Last Crusade.

[–]isaaciaggard 161 points162 points ago

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He has chosen wisely.

[–]munificent 54 points55 points ago

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You forgot the "..." before "wisely".

[–]ibisum 28 points29 points ago

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I read that as "whiskey". Made more sense.

[–]iveL 16 points17 points ago

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He has chosen... whiskey. (yeah, much better)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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I am currently at work, and am trying so so so hard not to laugh out loud at this thread. I've already gotten 2 weird looks about why I'm smirking and quietly snorting into my hand in the corner.

[–]dclowd9901 46 points47 points ago

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If you leave the temple, it doesn't work. Didn't you watch the movie?

[–]Work45 60 points61 points ago

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Lies! That's what they want you to believe. SHEEPLE!!!

[–]chwilliam 32 points33 points ago

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The movie was just a plot by the illuminati and evil Catholic groups to keep people from seeking the grail!

[–]P-Dub 26 points27 points ago

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Oh man I hope Dan Brown doesn't see any of this, I don't want Sean Connery sucked into such a shitty plot.

[–]mynoduesp 7 points8 points ago

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It does work, it just collapses the temple if it crosses the threshold.

[–]dclowd9901 6 points7 points ago*

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No, dammit, the immortality doesn't work if you leave the temple, but the temple will remain erect if you leave the grail in it. The temple collapses if you take the grail out of it. They are mutually exclusive.

[–]mynoduesp 11 points12 points ago

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Of course it works, the Grail came before the Temple not the other way around.

[–]dclowd9901 9 points10 points ago*

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"KNIGHT You have chosen wisely. But the Grail cannot pass beyond the Great Seal. That is the boundary and the price of immortality."

The cup or the person crosses the boundary, and all immortality it grants is broken. It's a magic seal; it has a way of doing stuff. Then again this is a relatively poorly worded way of saying this.

[–]mynoduesp 46 points47 points ago

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I doesn't say the Grail doesn't work out side the Temple. Just that shit happens if you try to take it outside.

They built the Temple around the Grail and placed those strictures upon it.

But you interpret it how you want, I have film script translated from its original Aramaic text.

[–]Anthropoid1 4 points5 points ago

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You have to keeping drinking from the Grail in order to maintain immortality.

[–]dclowd9901 11 points12 points ago

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lol.

[–]attilad 8 points9 points ago

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The price of immortality is you have to stay there with the grail and keep drinking. If the grails effects stopped at the edge of the temple, he'd have died when he left my god I can't believe I stepped into this argument

[–]scrimsims 5 points6 points ago

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He can come into my temple ... ahem err ... 'scuse me - remembered I'm married.

[–]CitizenPremier 200 points201 points ago

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I think you meant to say:

When you reacsh macsh level, you shtop leveling.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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Now everything I hear is like this >.<

[–]CitizenPremier 16 points17 points ago

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You're welcome.

[–]XoYo 5 points6 points ago

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A friend of mine does some voice-over work, and was once called on to do a Sean Connery impersonation for an advert. He struggled with getting it just right until he discovered that if he started by saying "Seve Ballesteros", everything after it came out perfectly.

[–]InAFewWords 2 points3 points ago

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Actually, there isn't a photo of it, but his accent actually levels up over time.

[–][deleted] 201 points202 points ago

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I don't always watch James Bond films - but when I do, I prefer Sean Connery...The most interesting man in the world.

[–]szymj 199 points200 points ago

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He can speak English in French.

[–]lowenheim 122 points123 points ago*

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Sean Connery was once interviewed between shooting on the set of Hunt for Red October and asked why he didn't seem to even be attempting a Russian or Lithuanian accent.

Connery looked at the interviewer for a moment and said, in his thick, Scottish brogue, "This is my Russian accent."

[–]melanthius 25 points26 points ago

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Il est a bad ass motherfucker, n'est-ce pas?

[–]tricolon 12 points13 points ago

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Even on le week-end!

[–]simucal 30 points31 points ago

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Sean Connery on Rollerblading:

"No."

[–]Scarker 12 points13 points ago

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Stay the same age, my friends.

[–]antimetric 18 points19 points ago

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Plenty O'Toole: Hi, I'm Plenty.
James Bond: But of course you are.
Plenty O'Toole: Plenty O'Toole.
James Bond: Named after your father perhaps? 

[–]ngcazz 22 points23 points ago

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You read like a whiskey advert would sound.

[–]aseclear 13 points14 points ago

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I'd say it reads a bit like a Japanese whiskey advert, though it could use a bit more intensity.

[–]msghmr 25 points26 points ago

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For relaxing times.... make it Suntory time.

[–]ngcazz 3 points4 points ago

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I was indeed thinking Lost In Translation.

[–]venir 8 points9 points ago*

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It's actually from a beer commercial for Dos Equis.

edit: link

[–]Dagon 1 point2 points ago

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I was wondering what it was reminding me of, thanks.

[–]e3revolution 982 points983 points ago

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I maxed out with your mother last night Trebek.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]vtdweller 11 points12 points ago

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I thought it was awesome when Trebek actually came on for Ferrell's sendoff show. If this post is any indication, Connery may still be around for a big reunion special in 20 years.

[–]Beelzebob 546 points547 points ago

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What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

One's a sick duck and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.

[–]mrsir 323 points324 points ago

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CONNERY: I'll take the rapists for 100.

TREBEK. Thats Therapists!

[–]franimal61 285 points286 points ago

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CONNERY: I'll take the Penis Mightier for $300

TREBEK: That's the Pen is Mightier!

[–]mrsir 304 points305 points ago

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CONNERY: That's a very nice suit Trebek... yes, very nice. It looks good on you. Might I ask where you bought it at?

TREBEK: Wow Sean, I uh dont know what to say, but thank you. Yes I bought it at Barney's on Fifth Street, ask for Alec.

CONNERY: Ahhh Barney's I see. Well uh, one more question about the suits Alex...

TREBEK: Uhh yes well what is it Sean?

CONNERY: Do they make them for men? Queue goading laugh

[–]SisterRay 176 points177 points ago

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I'll take Jap Anus Relations for 200.

[–]theXarf 160 points161 points ago*

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I'll take Anal Bum Cover for 400. I tried for years to invent an Anal Bum Cover; failing to do so is my greatest regret.

[–]chickinkickir 37 points38 points ago

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Shuck It Trebek!

[–][deleted] 61 points62 points ago

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TREBEK: It's your turn to pick a category Mr. Reynolds CONNERY: You should go with swords REYNOLDS: Yeah what the hell, I'll go with swords TREBEK: That's S-Words...

[–]evtedeschi3 50 points51 points ago

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Connery: SABER!

Trebek: No.

Connery: IT BEGINS WITH A BLOODY "S"!

[–]dhpii 4 points5 points ago

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Below me!

[–]PygmyCrusher 92 points93 points ago

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I'll take Famous Titties for 400.

[–]theXarf 45 points46 points ago

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Dolly Parton!

[–]evtedeschi3 57 points58 points ago

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BUCK FUTTER!

[–]nigel45 9 points10 points ago

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Ursula Andress!

[–]JKoss 15 points16 points ago

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I'll take Catch the Semen for 200.

[–]joeyhndc 28 points29 points ago

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Is that what the mustache is for, Trebek?

[–]SisterRay 3 points4 points ago

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You have lived a horrifying life.

[–]lennort 21 points22 points ago

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Can somebody give some context?

[–][deleted] 119 points120 points ago

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SNL skit - celeberty jeopardy. damn you rest of the world for not knowing american tv shows

[–]Scarker 44 points45 points ago

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OK.

puts TV on, only to watch Glenn Beck

FUCK YOU.

[–]Zeulodin 13 points14 points ago

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Hey, damn you America for not having a decent health care system! ZING!

[–]alpharaptor1 20 points21 points ago

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ouch, that hurt! damn you, now i gotta get a second mortgage to pay for the treatment of my pain.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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At least you still have your freedom.

[–]majormind329 6 points7 points ago

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Check out Funny or Die, they have every episode in order.

[–]mayoroftuesday 24 points25 points ago

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The day is mine!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago*

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CONNERY: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take Anal Bum Cover for 7,000.

TREBEK: That's An Album Cover, not anal bum cover.

CONNERY: I can read, Trebek. That says Anal bum cover. I've spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover, failing to do so is my greatest regret.

[–]DrOOpieS 25 points26 points ago*

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CONNERY: Anal bum covers for $500

TREBEK: That's album covers and I want to kill myself.

[–]barkingllama 58 points59 points ago

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Sean Connery: I can read, Trebek. That says Anal bum cover. I've spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover, failing to do so is my greatest regret.

[–]deflective 73 points74 points ago

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that made no sense.

CONNERY: Anal bum cover for $500
TREBEK: That's an album cover and I want to kill myself.

[–]janizary 80 points81 points ago*

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Connery: Damn you and your daily doubles ya brigand! One day it will by my turn Trebek!

Connery: I've got to ask you, about the Penis Mightier.

Trebek: What? No, no, no, that's the Pen is Mightier.

Connery: Gussy it up however you want Trebek, what matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis man?

Trebek: It's not a product Mr. Connery.

Connery: Cause I've ordered devices like that before, wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if the Penis Mightier really works, I'll order a dozen.

Trebek: It's not a penis mightier Mr. Connery. There's no such thing.

Cage: Wait! Wait, wait, are you selling Penis Mightiers.

Trebek: No! No, I'm not!

Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine!

[–]dakboy 23 points24 points ago

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CONNERY: I'll take Catch The Semen for 100

TREBEK: That's Catch These Men

[–]BoonTobias 31 points32 points ago

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I'll take bon ape tit for $300 trebek!

[–]kurtu5 18 points19 points ago*

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Aww but you missed the best part of it....

CONNERY: I'll take psycho the rapist for 200$

TREBEK: Thats psychotherapist!

[–]ascagnel 8 points9 points ago

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CONNERY: I'll take The Rapists for $200 please, Alex. TREBEK: That's Therapists.

[–]barkingllama 7 points8 points ago

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Not so fast, Trebek.

[–]hyperbad 11 points12 points ago

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I just now realized how obviously the duck joke goes. Never occurred t o me before. And you suck dicks.

[–]mcgosd 7 points8 points ago

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best celebrity jeopardy quote. evar.

[–]albino_wino 8 points9 points ago

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I <3 BOOBS

[–]nigel45 47 points48 points ago*

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Trebek: this is the sound a doggy makes.

Connery: Moo

Trebek: that's incorrect

Connery: well that's the sound your mother made last night

Trebek: we would have accepted Bow Wow or Ruff

Connery: ah rough, the way your mother likes it!

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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Well, I say good sir... that's borderline inappropriate. Just pick a category please.

[–]Quicksilver_Johny 7 points8 points ago

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user for 12 months

Nicely done.

[–]theITguy 7 points8 points ago

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why don'tcha give me Ape Tit for $200.

[–]T0XiC1TIES 6 points7 points ago

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I'll take Jap Anus Relations...

[–]r_schleufer 33 points34 points ago

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I think he is the only man on the planet that other men can admit is damn handsome without sounding gay. The fact that he never hides his balding head is uber-manly.

/I came here for the Zardoz references, and I can leave happy.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points ago

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also patrick stewart.

[–]beckermt 3 points4 points ago

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Also George Clooney.

[–]RAISEStheQuestion 9 points10 points ago*

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The fact that he never hides his balding head is uber-manly.

Except for that $20,000 hairpiece for The Hunt for Red October.

[–]unbibium 18 points19 points ago

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YOU'RE RELIEVED.

[–]rottingflamingo 1 point2 points ago

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what about the dredlocks from the rock?

[–]Kisses_McMurderTits 31 points32 points ago

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Still the man now, dog!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Achalemoipas 90 points91 points ago

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That's not Max Level, it's Sean Connery.

[–]wkdown 65 points66 points ago

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We named the dog Indiana

[–]Davisourus 15 points16 points ago*

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I don't care what you call it, but I want to know if it really works?

[–]wkdown 12 points13 points ago

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Welcome to the Rock!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]amishius 13 points14 points ago

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Your mom's no prom queen, but whatever.

[–]TopRamen713 8 points9 points ago

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Your mom's no prom queen, Trebek

FTFY

[–]amishius 1 point2 points ago

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Ah ya montabank!

[–]skyylineddrive 45 points46 points ago

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Proof that the Highlander exists.

[–]rebennett529 16 points17 points ago

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There can be only ONE.

[–]rmeredit 4 points5 points ago

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Until they made a sequel. Ugh. The abomination that was Highlander 2. /pinches bridge of nose.

[–]ricoza 7 points8 points ago

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There was no Highlander 2. Stop saying that.

[–]logicalriot 113 points114 points ago

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This is before he got his legendary gear http://yadogg.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/boratbond.jpg

[–]Helcionelloida 45 points46 points ago

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GUNS ARE GOOD THE PENIS IS EVIL!

[–]treetrouble 13 points14 points ago

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THE PENIS SHOOTS SEEDS!

[–]wunderkind319 2 points3 points ago

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excuse me, it's called a fireman.

[–]choad 4 points5 points ago

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The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmet and he spits in your eye.

[–]jordanlund 12 points13 points ago

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THAT COSTUME BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!

[–]amosharper 23 points24 points ago

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Alright, how do I un-see that image?

[–]Freeky 13 points14 points ago

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Lobotomies can be performed easily and safely at home with only minimal tools and no previous experience required.

Immediate results* guaranteed.

[–]amosharper 13 points14 points ago

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On second thoughts, I think I'll live with the trauma from the image. Thanks all the same.

[–]walterfreeman 6 points7 points ago

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If you ever want to reconsider call me, I'm a practiced veteran. Yes I did just create the account for this but I'm sticking with it.

[–]amosharper 2 points3 points ago

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Wow... Not a lot usually bothers me, but reading the Wiki article on Walter Freeman made me feel quite ill.

[–]Atomic235 21 points22 points ago

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ZARDOZ

Now go forth, and KILL!

[–]brettbender 10 points11 points ago

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Are you implying that that outfit does not qualify as legendary?

[–]Aldrenean 1 point2 points ago

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I knew exactly what this would be before I clicked it. I was not disappointed.

[–]DrOOpieS 18 points19 points ago

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That is one dapper son of a bitch.

[–]mynoduesp 12 points13 points ago

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I don't want no Fop, I'm a Dapper Dan man!

[–]Chisaku 18 points19 points ago*

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I think David Bowie is kind of like this, too.

[–]florinandrei 4 points5 points ago

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And Alice Cooper.

Both for entirely different reasons than Connery, though.

[–]shengdan 8 points9 points ago

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No way. Alice Cooper's face looks like a well worn saddle-bag now.

[–]greeneggsnam 29 points30 points ago

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I think that's the point. It always did.

[–]SkyPork 4 points5 points ago

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I don't think he even needs to wear makeup anymore to look like a zombie.

[–][deleted] 188 points189 points ago

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You know that old fart's had plenty of epic mounts along the way too...

[–]Jmjonkman 19 points20 points ago

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I'd hate to see the portrait in his attic.

[–]Raoulmeister 45 points46 points ago*

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Yes - when men grow older, they begin to look more distinguished, like Sean Connery. Problem is, as women grow older, they begin to look more distinguished too, like Sean Connery...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Make a comparison pick and that would make front page.

[–]KJW 13 points14 points ago*

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That is Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez... Of course he's not aging.. He's Immortal...

*Edit: added link

[–]Facepuncher[S] 80 points81 points ago

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I think this is my first ever submission making it to #1. O glorious day.

[–]deserted 40 points41 points ago

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It was the excellent title that did it for you.

[–]amenok 5 points6 points ago

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I'll make it two

[–]phrakture 7 points8 points ago

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Enjoy the karma. Here have an envelope

[–]KJW 8 points9 points ago*

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Well done! Your submission was so minty that somebody re-posted it over at Digg using the exact same title... and it got on the top ten.

Edit: #1 now!

[–]MonkeyCrumpets 6 points7 points ago*

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That's because it was submitted by MrBabyMan, power-digger extraordinaire. His army of followers stand ready to shoot articles (most of them stolen from reddit) straight to the top ten at the wave of his hand.

reddit | digg

reddit | digg

reddit | digg

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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i suddenly remembered my Charlemagne:

"Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky."

[–]emmster 12 points13 points ago

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He made a deal with Keith Richards. Keith is doing all his aging for him.

[–]panserbjorn 1 point2 points ago

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But if he ever looks at Keith he will be inflicted with all the years he thought he had escaped.

[–]BrownGregory 63 points64 points ago

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Who would have thought that occasionally beating your wife was the key to immortality.

[–]DrOOpieS 29 points30 points ago

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Back-hand, open palm.

[–]rosigrimbaggins 27 points28 points ago

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The obligatory video link - looks like he's on the verge of giving Barbara Walters a taste of the ol' Glasgow pimp-hand.

Link

[–]eightnine 7 points8 points ago

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This is a waaaay better version.

[–]DrOOpieS 9 points10 points ago

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It took you 9 tries to get it right.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

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Haha, that's dirty calling someone out on their edit attempts

[–]DrOOpieS 30 points31 points ago

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I was getting envelopes at an astonishing rate so I figured something was up. Upon further inspection, the same text was entered and deleted 9 times. Mildly hilarious. This pleases me.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Yeah, I sometimes forget that when I reply to a comment and edit it a bunch, there is someone on the other end mocking my bad grammer the whole time.

[–]DrOOpieS 8 points9 points ago

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I was enjoying seeing all of the envelopes.

[–]phrakture 2 points3 points ago*

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I like envelopes also.

[–]sebso 4 points5 points ago

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Here, have one.

[–]mynoduesp 2 points3 points ago

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Elope with my Envelope

[–]lograh 5 points6 points ago

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question from someone who doesn't really understand reddit:

if the comment was edited, shouldn't there be an asterisk by it or something?

[–]deserted 11 points12 points ago

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Instead of editing he was deleting and re-posting.

[–]rosigrimbaggins 2 points3 points ago

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But ... but ... how did you know?! (Yes, 'tis true. I kept getting a line break between bracket and parenthesis -> facepalm.)

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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...Suck it, Trebek.

[–]UnnamedPlayer 2 points3 points ago

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Shuck it Long.. shuck it Hard.

[–]fonzynator 17 points18 points ago

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He should come back in one of the new movies as a bad guy. What do you guys think?

[–]Vicinus 7 points8 points ago*

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oh he did....and it was beyond terrible: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118661/ ...or did u mean the Bond movies?

[–]HunterTV 8 points9 points ago

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That movie sucked, period.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]bandman614 2 points3 points ago*

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Are you joking? Sean Connery in a giant teddy bear outfit as "August De Wynter"? Comedy Gold!

[–]logicalnoise 3 points4 points ago

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he said he'd come out of retirement for that but the bond producers didn't want to pay him what he asked for.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Can we get Roger Moore to sign this?

[–]wunderdug 1 point2 points ago

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Worst. Idea. EVER!

[–]DrMonkeyLove 6 points7 points ago

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He looks better now than Harrison Ford.

[–]Khendroc 5 points6 points ago

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So I started reading the celebrity jeopardy comments and found myself laughing so hard I had to go watch the old clips again.

Now I'm wondering if there's a legitimate reason that every clip of celebrity jeopardy on youtube is some retarded ass montage with techno music. Anyone know what's up?

[–]poopooonyou 4 points5 points ago

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Copyright. They get pulled if it's a regular copy. Same as if you try to find a non-ass-montage version of Cowbell.

[–]Deacon 6 points7 points ago

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What's really appalling is that Harrison Ford is now older than Sean Connery was then.

[–]Stormwatch36 4 points5 points ago

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Sean Connery is the first being on Earth to hit the level cap on life and be able to keep playing.

[–]epicRelic 6 points7 points ago

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Patrick Stewart is the same way.

[–]kyohapooka 2 points3 points ago

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One of the advantages of letting yourself go bald and white-haired at 30. Oh ... and by the by here's him playing Oberon in a loincloth. http://www.ministryofart.se/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/patrick_stewart_as_oberon.jpg

[–]Syphon8 9 points10 points ago

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RED offered Sean Connery a RARE CANDY. ... But Sean Connery refused!

[–]jdrama83 5 points6 points ago

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To be fair, in 1989 he was a pretty hard 57.

[–]TopRamen713 1 point2 points ago

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I hope I look that good at 57.

[–]disfunct 4 points5 points ago

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Smacking the wife around keeps one in good shape.

[–]Knife_Ninja 14 points15 points ago

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I can't wait for the new expansion. Increased level cap and new weapons!

[–]n-space 3 points4 points ago

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Except he's lost his hat. Clearly a bad plan...

[–]iveL 6 points7 points ago

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No one ever plans to lose their hat.

[–]cornponious 3 points4 points ago

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Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.

[–]Scarker 2 points3 points ago

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Good news everyone, you will not be reading this in Connery's voice.

[–]spikey666 5 points6 points ago

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what? he's completely changed. he isn't wearing the hat in the 2009 picture!!

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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He just unchecked the "Show Helm" option in his interface options.

[–]elendur 3 points4 points ago

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They actually aged him rather significantly with makeup for Last Crusade. Harrison Ford and Sean Connery are only 11 years apart in age.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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It's because he drank from the holy grail duh

[–]matthank 2 points3 points ago

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Your plansh for world domination are shadly mishtaken, Mishter Blofeld.

[–]Etchii 2 points3 points ago

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Of courrrrse!

[–]kyle90 2 points3 points ago

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According to IMDB, he had radiation therapy in 1993 - clearly this has turned him into a mutant and halted his aging process.

[–]mediaarts 2 points3 points ago

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I will be genuinely saddened when/if that man passes...

[–]rowd149 2 points3 points ago

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You are now realizing that the reason Sean Connery keeps getting roles opposite busty young women is because he is, in fact, a vampire.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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http://imgur.com/r2xA1.jpg

Perhaps the wall had been hit already?

[–]emmadilemma 2 points3 points ago

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I would still hit that.

[–]NelsonMuntz 4 points5 points ago

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Hilarious. I posted this originally like 2 years ago and yesterday I tried to find it thinking "This would get to the front page again!"

Damn you for beating me to the punch.

[–]phrakture 5 points6 points ago

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It's like he punched you in the face, or some shit

[–]arutay01 3 points4 points ago

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This is the James Randi technique of looking old way ahead of schedule and then just maintaining that look for decades.

[–]eric22vhs 1 point2 points ago

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This was on /b/ like 2 days ago...

Not that I was surfing /b/....

[–]MrSt1klbak 1 point2 points ago

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I rented Zardos tonight, in honor of this post.