I stood here for a while this morning; nothing happened. :/

dora_explorer · 3 years

ugh! do you pee on the door marked MENS ROOM as well?

you have to OPEN THE DOOR and then GO INSIDE!

As always, follow all instructions carefully, and if you have any questions, contact your chronician.

roxm · 3 years

That teleports you to a distinct but identical universe.

phathiker · 3 years

You probably forgot to say "energize".

Gravity13 · 3 years

Everyone knows you need to build an exit before that'll work.

68Cadillac · 3 years

"Teleporter down!" - Engineer

FishCake · 3 years

You did it wrong. I told you ...

1/ Strip naked, and lather yourself from head to toe with lard. This ensures smooth teleport process.

2/ Once nicely lubed, stand on teleport platform. (Pictured in the link above.)

3/ Begin yelling out ... "I'm ready, take me, take me, take me!!!"

4/ Repeat yelling until teleport operator replies with a confirmation. The confirmation may be of a uniformed gentleman zapping you with electricity and then restraining you on the ground. Don't worry, this is to ensure you are properly restrained for teleportation.

Have a great trip.

ow1n · 3 years

Sure, nothing happened to you. But everyone else who tried to teleport in got pulverized.

AnonymousFan9 · 3 years

Well there's your problem. You're not supposed to stand there, you're supposed to teleport. Idiot.

arbitrarystring · 3 years

Maybe if you lifted the cover and crawled inside, you'd be John Malkovich.

ZenAnonymous · 3 years

Did you try pressing Up?

Kayin_Angel · 3 years

it doesn't say teleporter, just teleport. in other words, it's a damn good thing you didn't get telefragged.

unsee · 3 years

URGENT NOTICE

To the gentleman disrupting the portal for a period this morning, you were very nearly telefragged. Please refrain from this behaviour in the future if you enjoy the current configuration where your skin holds the rest of your organs neatly inside.

NoSalt · 3 years

Maybe the pattern buffers were on the fritz?

beardybaldy · 3 years

Jump up and down on it. It's obviously pressure activated.

AlDente · 3 years

You might end up in here

MDPhotog · 3 years

That's because it's a teleport ending. You're lucky you didn't get telefragged!

M0b1u5 · 3 years

That Stepping Disc is clearly malfunctioning.

And good thing too: if it is not working then it's a sure bet that the inertial damping lake is also failing. And frankly, teleporting to a location with your original potential energy intact turns you into a meat missile at your arrival point.

Thank your lucky stars!

drmoroe30 · 3 years

You did teleport a micro-second into the future!

ericanderton · 3 years

Maybe that was an exit. In which case, you're lucky you didn't get fragged.

FromAmsterdam · 3 years

You didn't say the magic words, did you?

akindablue · 3 years

the teleporter is under the lid.

seanomenon · 3 years

If you are friends with a timelord, ask for their help.

tricolon · 3 years

You need to find the crystals.

Starks · 3 years

The Tomorrow People are back?

knullcon · 3 years

duh. the other teleport entrance clearly got taken down by a demoman

DivinelyFlawed · 3 years

Well of course not, it's not lit up! Everyone knows teleporters glow when active.

EagleTG · 3 years

It worked fine for me. Evidenced by the fact that I'm here now, not there. Clearly I would have been in the picture if I was still there.

rbrt · 3 years

Maybe you are the original and were not destroyed?

iwantonetoo · 3 years

we apologize for the inconvenience. Twitter is down again.

holysocks · 3 years

it's working, sending you one second into the future every second

MechaAaronBurr · 3 years

Did you hit it with a wrench? It was probably a level one teleporter and those fuckers take forever to recharge.

mrhorrible · 3 years

Hah. Reminds me of something I discovered in Boston, in one of the underground highway tunnels. I was stopped in traffic, so I could read the little label stuck onto a service hatch: "Future access portal". Whoah!

hyperfat · 3 years

With the slumping of the economy the city works has had to cut back and this particular site has be deactivated until further notice.

contraption · 3 years

worked fine on my machine.

siokaos · 3 years

You could have been telefragged!

hyperbad · 3 years

You teleported to a slightly different parellel universe. I wonder what that slight difference could be. Oh well maybe you'll figure it out on your own, I have to fly home now. Bubye.

juma606 · 3 years

I think you accidentally the port.

mushpuppy · 3 years

What I don't understand is why he had to do an emoticon--as if we wouldn't get the joke.

isaacs · 3 years

Did you said "beam me up Scottie"?

offat9 · 3 years

Relevant comic:

http://www.boatcrime.com/2009/08/11/teleporter/

BeingFree · 3 years

The exit wasn't built yet.

malakon · 3 years

you were immediately teleported to our identical parallel universe. (except in this one spock has a sinister goatee)

[deleted] · 3 years

It is obviously jammed by that cigarette, scrub the whole thing clean until is is all shiny metal and try again.

llaki · 3 years

You need to say, "Energize!"

winsmith · 3 years

Good thing you didn't stand ON it, you could have been telefragged!

[deleted] · 3 years

You did. It was so fast you didn't notice you teleported to the same spot.

eukary0te · 3 years

360 comments. Arg far too late to add a clever comment that will get upvoted to infinity.

kkyiosueki · 3 years

DURRR it's not glowing. There's no matching exit.

[deleted] · 3 years

I think something's blocking the exit...

ky420 · 3 years

You have to link it back to the mainframe.

ytknows · 3 years

You have to link up all the teleporters first. That will also unlock the Pack A Punch machine, and you can upgrade your weapon (damn expensive, though).

redslug · 3 years

M.L.I.A.

acegibson · 3 years

That unit is down. I told Larry to put a sign on it, but he's such a scatterbrain. Check back in about a week. We're getting new parts shipped in from China. And no, I don't know why we can't teleport them from there, so don't ask.

Technohazard · 3 years

You're lucky, you could have been killed! What if that was a landing pad?

molslaan · 3 years

Don't you feel reddit is a bit less funny compared to before?

[deleted] · 3 years

I tried it and a turtle opened the manhole, tapped my leg and asked if i was the pizza guy.

[deleted] · 3 years

Maybe that's just the receiving end of the teleporter. You'd better move before a cacodaemon comes in and telefrags your ass

timeshifter_ · 3 years

well, sure... remember, you've got 25 seconds to get back to the mainframe and link the node. Hurry, they're coming!

parttimehuman · 3 years

You're lucky. Your clone would be alive, but you would be dead.

nrajed · 3 years

That is the entrance to the teleport. Once inside climb down ladder and stand there for a while. Make sure to close the entrance or else the teleport will not engage.

penguin673 · 3 years

That's the teleport exit, silly. God hasn't updated the Team Universe 2 with 2-way teleports yet

Rakosman · 2 years

The damn engineer hasn't finished upgrading the other side yet.

lachiemx · 3 years

Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you see that its a RECIEVER??? YOU COULD HAVE BEEN TELEFRAGGED

okamiueru · 3 years

Am I alone in first thinking the thumbnail was of a deathstar? :/

FearOfSuccess · 3 years

That literally made me Laugh Out Loud. Thank you for an internet rarity.

JimXugle · 3 years

We've got the workorder here. Seems as though some punk thought it would be a good idea to throw out his cigarette butt on the teleport. There's a reason why all star fleet ships are now smoke free, people!

It'll take a few weeks to get it properly cleaned and re-calibrated. Try again on the first of the month.

CookieOfFortune · 3 years

Was I the only one who thought the thumbnail looked like an unfertilized egg?

ikoss · 3 years

Did you tap your heels together?

stafu · 3 years

Another submission copied word-for-word to digg. I don't really care when digg power users copy news or some random link that reddit breaks a little earlier, but seriously copying reddit's user-generated stuff like this word-for-word (implying the digg submitter was the one who took it/'stood there') is just pathetic.

outsider · 3 years

Great. Another animated jpg with that guy that looks like a chicken jumping out and screaming 53 seconds into it.

maniaq · 3 years

you obviously didn't consume enough beer and peanuts...

boolianlove · 3 years

where is it?

[deleted] · 3 years

It may have worked. I understand that these things work by creating an exact molecular copy of yourself at the destination. What you need to do now is destroy the original.

lex99 · 3 years

Somebody must've sapped your teleporter!

sharpsight2 · 3 years

Where is this teleport? We must start mapping the network!

[deleted] · 3 years

Are you sure?

Hans_Meiser_Koeln · 3 years

I like the pattern on the teleport platform. I'm going to use it as a ship texture in my space shooter game.

lalmario · 3 years

you forgot to say "Beam me up Scotty"

StevenDickson · 3 years

In a couple days he will turn into Brundlefly

dubbleenerd · 3 years

Next time you try it, make sure you take your shoes off and relieve yourself of any fluids exceeding 3.3 ounces. You don't want to raise any flags with the TSA (Teleportation Security Administration).

duxup · 3 years

or did it?

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