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top 200 commentsshow all 267

[–]webfiend 63 points64 points ago

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I am disappointed by the complete lack of Sid Meier.

[–]plbogen 1 point2 points ago

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Me too.. I was hoping it was a Sid Meier joke.

[–]mattflight 186 points187 points ago

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OKAY

[–]friendsshare 147 points148 points ago

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YEAH

[–][deleted] 95 points96 points ago

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I BEG YOUR PARDON

[–]ElGaucho56 82 points83 points ago

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PLEASE TRY TO ENUNCIATE

[–]seldon452 159 points160 points ago

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[–]ponchoboy 41 points42 points ago*

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It's still funny. Get's me every time with the:

It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake.

WHAT!?

[–]ungood 1 point2 points ago

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Rhyming "cake" with "cake,"

kisses fingers

[–]Luthien77 0 points1 point ago

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No, the rhyming is:

Its a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake... If the way is HAZY You gotta do the cooking by the book... You know you cant be LAZY.

[–]xyphus 3 points4 points ago*

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Bring it down bitch, now let me see you back it UP ...Drop that ass down low, now pick that motherfucker UP

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points ago*

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You fucker... I thought I had finally gotten that out of my head.

If you do the cooking by the book

theeeen yooou'll have aa...

bring it down bitch

let me see you back it up

[–]thecasbah45 26 points27 points ago

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why did you click it?

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points ago

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I don't know... maybe it's a sexual thing :(

[–]Smight 54 points55 points ago

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Why don't you have a seat right over there...

[–]the_bob 88 points89 points ago

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OKAY

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I'm going to run an ad in craigslist:

Searching for Lil John and Julianna Rose Mauriello look alikes for X rated tape. Pay will be percentage of profits. Let's do some cooking by the books and make bank together.

Contact is 1smartass on reddit.com. Drop me a line.

Oh, and Julianna Rose Mauriello look alikes should be prepared for a long audition.

[–]Luthien77 3 points4 points ago

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I made a cake the other day, but my recipe was all messy... and it turned out totally CRAZY!

[–]h0dg3s 17 points18 points ago

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That puppet with the pink hair is disturbing.

[–]42omle 11 points12 points ago

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It's not a puppet...

[–]musicisum 30 points31 points ago

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IT'S A SPACE STATION

[–]atomicthumbs 1 point2 points ago

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No! It's FleshMation™!

[–]nanto 1 point2 points ago*

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*puts on glasses*

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]bethlehem18 16 points17 points ago*

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That video is just so wrong.

People should experiment with new recipes instead of always cooking by the book.

[–]modnar 12 points13 points ago

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Thanks! The link I had was deleted from youtube.

[–]FurryMoistAvenger 8 points9 points ago

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Mine too.. But the good/bad news is memes simply cannot be stopped

[–]GeoAtreides 2 points3 points ago

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Fit memes cannot be stopped.

[–]drspanklebum 215 points216 points ago

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US President:

W

[–]freakball 69 points70 points ago

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[–]freakball 35 points36 points ago*

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[–]ManifestoConform 16 points17 points ago

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Gordon Freeman:

[–]Skuld 1 point2 points ago

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Use some other image hosting site, that one requires javascript to display the image.

[–]freakball 3 points4 points ago

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[–]manniac 1 point2 points ago

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[–]spatialmongrel 1 point2 points ago

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Sarah Palin "...." (blank look, big smile)

[–]wurtis16 97 points98 points ago

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Rene Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says "Yo, Rene you want a beer??" Descartes responds with "I think not!" POOF

[–]SeattleTomy 69 points70 points ago

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Descartes: To do is to be.

Jean-Paul Sartre: To be is to do.

Sinatra: Do be do be do.

Homer: Doh!

[–]ace_wolfgang 25 points26 points ago

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[–]ungood 9 points10 points ago

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That song has better lyrics than 90% of the music made today.

[–]Sutibu 1 point2 points ago

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You must've spent hours trying to figure out how to write that.

[–]xyphus 0 points1 point ago

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yo da dub dub

[–]Sutibu 0 points1 point ago

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Very seldom can I use the acronym "lol" having actually done it.

[–]Mr_A 4 points5 points ago

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What was it Jean Paul Satre used to say . . . ?

"Come out of de boudoir, Simone."

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Turns out that joke was poorly written because Descarte not thinking and therefore not existing is not logically equivalent to him thinking therefore existing.

In other words where p = thinking and q = existing Descartes says p -> q (p implies q) however given that you can't logically say !p -> !q (the inverse). What you can say though is !q -> !p or I don't exist therefore I don't think (the contrapositive).

So my logic teacher decided to rewrite the joke as "Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks Descartes are you thirsty? He replies 'I am not.' and goes brain dead."

[–]plbogen 0 points1 point ago*

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POOF

Are you saying Descartes was gay?

EDIT: That was a joke.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points ago*

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Holy shit! I made this a while ago from a comment I read somewhere and posted it to reddit.

I love the internet, you send something off into the tubes and it comes back months later from somewhere completely different :)

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Let me be the first to congratulate you on your very funny joke, OrrInSweden, I know how irritating it can be when you don't get the credit you deserve.

[–]freakball 6 points7 points ago

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*clap, clap clap

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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To be is to do. -- Sokrates

To do is to be. -- Jean-Paul Sartre

Do be do be do. -- Frank Sinatra

[–]moultano 9 points10 points ago

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I don't get the C.S. Lewis one.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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neither do i!

[–]moultano 14 points15 points ago

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I think I get it now. He's saying "What does it?" as in "What is behind natural phenomena?" i.e. god.

[–]isny 23 points24 points ago

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What is it? It's it! (Faith No More)

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Specifically, Mike Patton.

Check out his work with Fantomas, Tomahawk and Mr Bungle

[–]Hexogen 2 points3 points ago

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You forgot Peeping Tom. And then he has a shit ton of collaborations.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago*

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Yeah, I didn't get into Peeping Tom. I'm not saying it's bad, just that I haven't gotten into it. Ditto for "Vs the Xecutioners" and Loveage.

I loved the Dillinger Escape Plan EP.

[–]Mr_A 4 points5 points ago

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The first present I ever bought my girlfriend was Lovage - Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By. We now have a one and a half year old daughter.

[–]Dildozer 2 points3 points ago

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Didn't you read the warning on the CD, MAY CAUSE BABIES.

[–]emordino 1 point2 points ago

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I loved the Dillinger Escape Plan EP.

Likewise. Except the Aphex Twin cover, which is hideous and should never be spoken of again.

[–]duplico 4 points5 points ago

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I don't know... I think "EARTH HAS 4 CORNER SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY" should be in there somewhere, representing a true contemporary philosopher in the mold of Aristotle and Descartes.

[–]Sutibu 0 points1 point ago

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Points for originality, I'll give him that.

[–]Qubed 13 points14 points ago

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One of these things is not like the others....

[–]ragesoss 26 points27 points ago

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Is it... Descartes, the only Catholic among them?

[–]captainhaddock 4 points5 points ago*

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C S Lewis was Catholic.

Edit: I apologize for being incorrect in this matter. I have been sorely chastised by my fellow Redditors.

[–]Kale 14 points15 points ago

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I thought he was Anglican?

[–]ragesoss 7 points8 points ago

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Yes, he was Anglican.

[–]fujimitsu 5 points6 points ago

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Raised in a church-going family in the Church of Ireland, Lewis claimed he became an atheist at the age of 15, though he later paradoxically described his young self (in Surprised by Joy) as being "very angry with God for not existing". He returned to his Christian beliefs at age 33.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C._S._Lewis

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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"very angry with God for not existing" --- for someone who admired poetry, myths, stories and tales as much as CS Lewis (and how plain this is to see in his writings, fiction and non-fiction) is it so hard to see this as a turn of phrase?

Are we so locked up into "philosophical proposition that, truth statement this" to not think about what he means by being "angry with God for not existing"?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Upmodded for sincere and hilarious apology

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points ago

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I see the problem here: black people.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Alive?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago*

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Lil Jon was born in America. That's it, isn't it? [ETA] He's the only one not born in Europe!

[–]grahamlester 3 points4 points ago*

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Four: CS Lewis, "What does it?" Three: Emily Post, "What Does?" Two: Lil John, "What" One: W.

[–]jlks 13 points14 points ago

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Where do we go from "what"?

[–]swampsparrow[S] 72 points73 points ago

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?

[–]ThisIsDave 43 points44 points ago

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[–]swampsparrow[S] 48 points49 points ago

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[–]Deadpixel1221 6 points7 points ago

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comment deleted

[–]BoonTobias 3 points4 points ago

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what are we, shooting blanks?

[–]Sutibu 0 points1 point ago

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PROFIT!!!

[–]wurtis16 0 points1 point ago

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Excellent response 4 u 2 give, lol.

[–]lychee-twist 49 points50 points ago

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I hate to say it, but that's actually too intelligently written to represent how badly grammar is doing right now.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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ya

btw ur such a fag ommfg lol

[–]Bagel 46 points47 points ago

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wat

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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lol, wut?

That is the reply I hate the most.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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lolwut?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Ow My Balls!

[–]nullibicity 6 points7 points ago

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Grunting, and beating people who ask questions.

[–]grottobill 2 points3 points ago

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Hopefully start over at the top... but I'm guessing there will be a few more levels.

[–]dangph 2 points3 points ago

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mu?

[–]grignr 2 points3 points ago*

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Godel, Escher, and the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu!!1!

[–]jorgeka 0 points1 point ago*

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#+montypython

Nih! Nih! Nnnnnnnih!

#-montypython

[–]redleader 2 points3 points ago

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4chan: wat

[–]Xeiliex 1 point2 points ago

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You acknowledge the fact that is no question.

[–]Paulaner 3 points4 points ago

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WHA?

[–]cheese_puff42 1 point2 points ago

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A cat with a smily face; WAT

[–]scientologist2 0 points1 point ago

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ha

[–]Notmyrealname 0 points1 point ago

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Wha?

[–]jebiv 0 points1 point ago

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There's nowhere left but up.

[–]SkuttleSkuttle 0 points1 point ago

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wtf?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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[–]cowardlydragon 7 points8 points ago

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easily ignited?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago*

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i'm under the impression that descartes was a rich mf.. and what other to spend your money on than alcohol!

[–]turambar 1 point2 points ago*

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And Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.

[–]randomb0y 6 points7 points ago

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Grab that dick, it's your's bitch!

[–]BritishEnglishPolice 10 points11 points ago

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Why is there an apostrophe there? I should kill you where you stand, sir.

[–]i_am_my_father 2 points3 points ago

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Evolution is wrong. This pic proves that devolution is right.

[–]IConrad 1 point2 points ago

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According to evolutionary theory there is no such thing as devolution. Only adaptation to the global mean. I.e.; evolutionary theory allows for evolution into a simpler form.

[–]zuloon 4 points5 points ago

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It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is.

Bill Clinton at his finest.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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At least he tried to answer!

[–]yumology 1 point2 points ago

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upvoted for fires of heaven

[–]eidolontubes 1 point2 points ago

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We've come a long way.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Somehow "What?!" manages to capture the worlds of philosophy and science in an extraordinarily succinct way.

[–]MeridianJP 1 point2 points ago*

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And from the ashes arises this: the Lil' Jon Lazy Town remix: Cooking By The Book.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you, for introducing me to one of the few things to ever make me LOL.

[–]visarga 1 point2 points ago*

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Not fair!!! Lil Jon had a lot to say about asses and pussies too.

[–]underdog138 0 points1 point ago

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That is amazing.

[–]djork 1 point2 points ago*

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I don't know why "what does it?" is attributed to C.S. Lewis. That doesn't resemble anything I've ever seen from him.

[–]skoll 2 points3 points ago

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What does it, as in what does everything. What makes the world turn, what makes the sun rise. C.S. Lewis was devoutly religious. Or as wikipedia puts it, he was a Christian apologist. I thought that one fit well.

[–]rafuzo2 1 point2 points ago

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I knew reddit was good for something. thank you!

[–]el-bombero 6 points7 points ago

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4chan: wut

[–]state_of_alert 0 points1 point ago

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[–]GunnerMcGrath 0 points1 point ago

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[–]rolanatmi 1 point2 points ago*

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"..." - Future person.

[–]AVISINGH 0 points1 point ago

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it happens

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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don't dress him like me that ain't my lil buddy

[–]thatguydr 0 points1 point ago

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*Inserts well-known pedophilia meme*

[–]jimmycabo 0 points1 point ago

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you missed "W."

[–]OctopusMan 0 points1 point ago

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Wha?

[–]daviangel 0 points1 point ago

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okay but Dubya Bush in there somewhere would've put it over the top for sure!

[–]torpid 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sure there were plenty of village idiots during Descartes' time as well, screaming ridiculous crap. Except they would yell "hwaaaaaaeeeeeeet?"

[–]emordino 0 points1 point ago*

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Hmm. I know what you're going for, but that just makes me think of Hedonismbot. How delicious!

(... also, and more pedantically, wouldn't "hwaet" have been long out of use by Descartes' time? Unless you're talking about some language other than English.)

[–]IConrad 0 points1 point ago

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Nah, he was just making an onomatopoeia.

[–]turambar 0 points1 point ago

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Seems like we can solve our energy problems by harnessing the rotation of dead English professors and grammarians in their graves.

[–]dberis 0 points1 point ago

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Wassup?!

[–]Sutibu 0 points1 point ago

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Dis iz it.

[–]Sutibu 0 points1 point ago

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lol wut?

[–]parshul 0 points1 point ago*

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the future will be a bit silent I think

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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2008: Yo dawg

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago*

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I'm just posting to say I am proud of reddit for lasting 94 comments without a single mention of racism. I'm serious! I came in here expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised. Good job you guys :)

[–]coleman57 5 points6 points ago

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a greek guy and a black guy walk into a bar.....

[–]eaturbrainz 1 point2 points ago

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And the bartender's a rabbi...

[–]michael333 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of toilet wall graffiti at my old uni. Descartes 'to do is to be'

Nietzsche 'to be is to do'

Sinatra 'do be do be doo'

[–]michael333 0 points1 point ago*

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Great minds think alike. And that was 30 years ago.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]discohead 0 points1 point ago*

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I actually agree with you old person. Just fyi etc is the worst evar imo.

[–]scaredofbears 2 points3 points ago

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Very clever observation with one little flaw in your helpful observation. Etc. is an abbreviation for two words in latin. I thought it was obvious I was refering to the English language. I will make an effort to be clearer in the future.

[–]discohead 0 points1 point ago

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Furthermore etc is not text speak (neither is fyi), while imo is, hence i was jk.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Etc. is the typographically challenged version of &c.

[–]turambar 0 points1 point ago

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Your ultimate sentence should have been terminated with a question mark.

I agree with you though - it's a rather horrifying development.