My biggest fear when asked to hold a new born

anderson-koala · 2013-01-24T20:10:52+00:00

My biggest fear is that its head will fall off if i don't hold him or her properly.

abstractpaul · 2013-01-24T18:33:24+00:00

At least Simba always lands on his feet

e42343 · 2013-01-24T19:45:20+00:00

Whenever I get to hold a baby for the first time I always mention how I've gotten better at it over the last 18 months. It's funny to watch the parents' reaction. They never know quite how to react.

the_cooliest · 2013-01-24T18:49:19+00:00

I want to hear a "I dropped a baby" story. Aaaand GO!

renzerbull · 2013-01-24T18:00:09+00:00

your biggest fear should be that big self destruct buttom on the back of their heads... im no toching a babys head ever

Carter52 · 2013-01-24T19:20:18+00:00

What's this from? Is is a parody of the lion king or something?

Novaova · 2013-01-24T20:09:23+00:00

Someone comes at me wanting to hand off a baby, I just say no. Fuck that. I'm not holding your little squirming snot-and-drool-glazed vomit and shit grub with its horrible slimy hands and surprising strength which it uses to (inexplicably) try to break out of my grip and hurl itself to the floor.

No fucking way. Fuck your kid. You hold it. Or find a grandparent and make them do it.

speedballkills · 2013-01-24T19:57:17+00:00

Damn it! It's got to be in the timing... or title... or something...

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1759gv/when_my_only_successful_post_is_someone_elses_cat/

HylianAssassinGirl · 2013-01-24T20:31:40+00:00

I'm looking at this in my Latin class and I'm doing my best to keep a straight face.

tunabomber · 2013-01-25T00:22:40+00:00

We had our son in Ohio and both of our families came in from Pittsburgh to see him. He was napping when everyone arrived. I took a teddy bear, wrapped it up real nice, walked into the room full of family members, tripped and fell directly on the teddy bear. It was then I finally realized after 34 years that some jokes just aren't worth it. Women were sobbing. I mean sobbing.

maybeacreativetype · 2013-01-24T20:59:39+00:00

Whenever I hold a baby, everyone yells "D'AWWWW" and asks when I'm going to have one. That's a big enough deterrent.

FunTimesInDreamland · 2013-01-24T21:06:15+00:00

Not completely related, but when I was a little younger than one year old, my parents had me out on the deck in our back yard, and the balusters on the stairs were much farther apart than they should have been. I was a speedy little tyke, and somehow managed to run right off of one of the top stairs, which was probably 6 feet up. My mum said my dad ran across the entire backyard with a speed unexplained by modern science, and managed to catch me by my leg before I split my skull open on the patio stones below.

hammerheadsmiley · 2013-01-24T22:37:23+00:00

Avoid behaving like a baboon atop a large rock and this can be prevented.

Relahtees · 2013-01-24T18:55:50+00:00

The Circle of Life taking place

Onze · 2013-01-24T20:14:03+00:00

Its cool, my dad fell down the stair with me when I was 4 years old. I didn't clean your car but I hit it with a rock.

Fuckin_Hipster · 2013-01-24T20:20:10+00:00

I won't hold someone else's kid until they can hold their own head up right.

SweetNeo85 · 2013-01-24T20:26:07+00:00

Reminds me of this post.

iamrenata · 2013-01-24T20:28:00+00:00

LOL this really cracked me up but babies so soooooo strong.... the ob pulls them out by the neck so, i think you'll be fine

Keephating · 2013-01-24T20:29:16+00:00

Shit happens

kungfu_anal · 2013-01-24T20:33:13+00:00

I refused to hold a newborn until I had my own.

bigpamperino · 2013-01-24T21:11:11+00:00

Please don't hand me your baby to hold I'm terrified that I will drop it, and it gets worse when you insist. Don't do it

MainManBlackDynamite · 2013-01-24T21:11:18+00:00

I think of Lennie from Of Mice and Men. And rabbits.

360walkaway · 2013-01-24T21:14:24+00:00

Seriously... I always do a quick safety check when someone hands me a baby.

Anything slippery on the floor within 20 feet?
Slowest possible handing over of said baby?
Any windows open nearby?
Anything with a sharp corner on it nearby (cabinet, table, TV stand, etc.)?
Do I need to sneeze?

HiFiWiFiSciFi · 2013-01-24T21:14:44+00:00

I dropped one of my nephews when I was about 10. (He was fine. I cried for longer.)

I have in the 20 some years hence NEVER held somebody else's baby, and only held my own because I kinda had to.

IIGe0II · 2013-01-24T21:15:11+00:00

There was a story in an AskReddit thread someone told about how they were baby sitting and he just dropped the baby. Died instantly.

tavarner17 · 2013-01-24T21:16:10+00:00

I swear babies are actively trying to commit suicide and make it look like someone else's fault.

rismeyes · 2013-01-24T21:18:53+00:00

Babies are scary, OK? They have giant eyes, and come on, the soft spot? If there's gonna be a self-destruct button, at least hide it somewhere it won't accidentally get pressed!

cank3r · 2013-01-24T21:22:54+00:00

I have never laughed so hard on reddit, thanks !

coba1t · 2013-01-24T21:24:10+00:00

I once came close to lifting a newborn up into a ceiling fan. Still scares me till this day.

Reefpirate · 2013-01-24T21:24:59+00:00

Yea, when my cousin had a baby and I went to visit him and his wife in the hospital, they inevitably asked me if I wanted to hold the baby. It was awkward, but I had to refuse. They thought it was really funny that I wouldn't want to hold their baby, but I really didn't want to take the risk!

ravelle · 2013-01-24T21:26:12+00:00

YOU'RE NOT HOLDING HIM RIGHT. JESUS, THE HEAD, HOLD HIS HEAD.

mattspamp · 2013-01-24T21:26:54+00:00

**dream

timothygruich · 2013-01-24T21:30:01+00:00

Is there a longer, smoother version of this gif?... if not, we should band together to make one.

pinkpussylips · 2013-01-24T21:33:50+00:00

SAIL!

petite_cherie · 2013-01-24T21:39:21+00:00

On the first day of my Ob/Gyn rotation as a student, I told my boyfriend how nervous I was. I asked him what he thought they would do if I dropped a newborn and he said "they will probably send you home". So, I headed to the hospital and it turned out I was a day early for the beginning of my 5 week rotation. I was told to go home and come back tomorrow. I returned home, walked into my house, and with the most downtrodden expression looked at my boyfriend and said, "I dropped a baby". (He didn't believe me, but I thought it was perfect)

khotch · 2013-01-24T21:39:28+00:00

I worry about getting barfed on

Andumssssssssss · 2013-01-24T21:41:41+00:00

I've never held a newborn and I never will. Solely because of this fear.

SirRonaldofBurgundy · 2013-01-24T21:46:52+00:00

AMA request: somebody who has dropped a friend's baby.

loLZokaY · 2013-01-24T21:49:37+00:00

that'll shorten the movie a bit!

MP-G · 2013-01-24T21:50:43+00:00

I worry about not supporting it's head/neck properly and having it's neck snap or something.

condor216 · 2013-01-24T21:51:46+00:00

About one hundred yards from the front door of the house i grew up in is the house of a family, every one of their offspring has been held and subsequently dropped by my father. My father does not have the same issue wit his own children or any others, as far as i know. I will just never understand why they would still allow him to hold their children or why he kept accepting.

mcquackers · 2013-01-24T21:56:49+00:00

This happened at a crawfish boil, where the dude tripped and the baby fell into a huge pot of boiling water. Needless to say he got a certified ass beating out of it. Linky.

treesoclock · 2013-01-24T22:01:17+00:00

Thing is... toddlers try to make that happen. They practically leap out of your arms at something shiny.

smruggles · 2013-01-24T22:03:18+00:00

My biggest fear is pushing their self-destruct button [on the back of their teeny tiny heads]...

Kryptogreen · 2013-01-24T22:08:49+00:00

So true..

birddancer · 2013-01-24T22:19:05+00:00

Strangely this is how I feel when I see kids holding babies.

Birch_Tree · 2013-01-24T22:25:44+00:00

Like father, like son.

SKSmokes · 2013-01-24T22:32:15+00:00

You won't do that. You'll try to tuck and roll onto your back while not harming the baby.

Whether you're successful or not depends on your acrobatics skill of course.

Kingsley0 · 2013-01-24T22:43:41+00:00

1 reason why I'm afraid to have kids.

5tation · 2013-01-24T22:53:09+00:00

No worries, those things are tougher than you think.

jmlinden7 · 2013-01-24T23:11:16+00:00

It's simple, you just hold it like you'd hold a football:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAUkc_60uAk

bugsy987 · 2013-01-25T00:11:01+00:00

Wasn't a baby, but small child. To encourage her to brush her teeth I gave her a piggy-back to the bathroom. Wet towel on floor caused me to basically fall on top of her. She was ok but I was traumatized.

forgetwhatijustsaid · 2013-01-25T00:53:52+00:00

http://imgur.com/IcRWuCp

diegojones4 · 2013-01-25T01:29:22+00:00

I'll always say this in circumstances like this even though everyone thinks I'm crap. I just hope that their are others.

Babies creep me out in a major way. I don't find them cute and they scare me like clowns. Until they can walk and talk, I have issues.

playingnice · 2013-01-25T01:40:10+00:00

And the newborn's same fear.

OGWillikers · 2013-01-25T03:27:34+00:00

When I was 13, I was running through the house holding my 2 year-old little brother because it made him laugh. Tripped.

I managed to spin myself in the air and land on my back/shoulder. Didn't drop him. Good times.

rodrib1 · 2013-01-25T05:44:31+00:00

Dying.. Great post though.

Macpherb · 2013-01-25T06:14:03+00:00

Maybe stay away from cliffs when holding a newborn

JamesR624 · 2013-01-25T08:05:41+00:00

"It's the circle of liiii-OH SHIT!"

Go-Go_Pun_Thread · 2013-01-24T19:52:19+00:00

I'd be lion if I said this wasn't a fear for me as well.

chazzeromus · 2013-01-24T20:11:01+00:00

My cousin has apraxia because of me because I left him unattended. I still live to this day with that guilt.

Jrook · 2013-01-24T20:40:01+00:00

Oh sure MJ dangles a baby out of a window and everybody freaks out, but when Niki Manaj does it, its hilarious.

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