top 200 commentsshow all 208

[–]Brianf1967 93 points94 points ago

In later years he pops his brothers girlfriends cherry, Marries his highschool sweetheart and steals his life savings...

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 57 points58 points ago

but you're still bitter at 45

[–]coldize 21 points22 points ago

you mathed! YAY!

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 7 points8 points ago

yes, since the year is only 23 days in, there is a 0.936986301 probability (342/365) that his birthday has not already passed this year meaning he is likely 45 and not 46.

[–]reddit_poster_anon 4 points5 points ago

Not that anyone could assemble a set of statistics with a sufficiently large sample space, but I would be interested to know if over the course of recent history, human births have occurred roughly uniformly throughout the year, or if there are particular dates / times of the year when more babies are born than at other times...

[–]Wrongbutton 3 points4 points ago

How Common is Your Birthday?

Keep in mind that a large proportion of births in the modern era are scheduled. That explains why there are fewer during holidays.

[–]GeekRef 1 point2 points ago

Love the spike at the end of December. Gotta get that tax credit before the end of the year!

[–]TinyPenisChinaman 0 points1 point ago

I imagine all of us September babies are due to end of year celebrations.

[–]FoaL 0 points1 point ago

Anywhere Valentine's Day is observed I'd imagine birthrates in November are pretty high...

[–]Hatric 0 points1 point ago

That and Halloween... more so Halloween as they are drunken whoopsies compared to carefully planned nights out.

[–]Bad_Joke_Detector 0 points1 point ago

oh god, just realized my birthday is exactly 9 months after christmas

[–]FrackinKraken 0 points1 point ago

right? mine too dude. just...just don't think about it

[–]prplemoos 1 point2 points ago

That's ok. My birthday is one day shy of 9 months after 420.

[–]moltiinSFW 0 points1 point ago

That's awesome..

[–]coldize 0 points1 point ago

mine is exactly 9 months after my brother's birthday. lol.

[–]Thereminz 33 points34 points ago

I like that other one where the mom is holding the girl an a little boy pops in from the right and blows the candles out real fast with a mean look on his face

[–]VC61 88 points89 points ago

Here you go, friend.

http://i.imgur.com/Tgd2D.gif

[–]HappyReaper 19 points20 points ago

You wouldn't happen to also have the one where there's two girls playing with toy instruments when suddenly a kid on a toy excavator appears from nowhere and destroys the stage, would you?

EDIT: Found it (it was a tractor).

[–]TheBroCodeEnforcer 1 point2 points ago

I remember that one too, with a caption saying something like FUCK YOUR JOY! or BOYS RULE!. Idk braj.

[–]genupb 1 point2 points ago

It should be "fuckin' hippies"

[–]_youngdeezy_ 30 points31 points ago

i love that little shit

[–]Thereminz 0 points1 point ago

lol yup that's the one

[–]Purpose2 1 point2 points ago

Madeline McCann?

[–]Twist3rD 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit cannot unsee.

[–]Bluedemonfox 18 points19 points ago

GUARDS! TAKE HIM AWAY!

[–]LeMoofinateur 230 points231 points ago

this reminds me of being at birthday parties as a kid where the parents had to light the damn birthday candles like 5 or 6 times, so that all the spoiled little shits who weren't being taught how to not be a little shit on someone else's birthday could blow out the candles on some other kid's birthday cake. Mmm, now I get a slice of cake with wax and 6 little bastard's spit all over it, hurray :/

[–]CiscoEnt 254 points255 points ago

I've never had this happen at my birthdays as a kid, or have seen it at my kids parties now that I'm an adult. Sounds like your childhood friends were just assholes.

Or I've been lucky so far?

[–]studmuffffffin 81 points82 points ago

As a former child and current adult, I can confirm this.

[–]enjoylol 61 points62 points ago

AMA please

[–]dudeguy2 16 points17 points ago

What does cake taste like?

[–]dinnerdewinner 19 points20 points ago

You're tagged as 'Douchebag.'

What did you do?

[–]dudeguy2 36 points37 points ago

I drunk reddit often.

[–]dinnerdewinner 16 points17 points ago

This explains it.

[–]TheFaradayConstant 7 points8 points ago

You're now tagged as drunk reddits a lot

[–]rifk 9 points10 points ago

Why does it seem like every single person who uses the tagging function of RES forgets the reason for every tag they make?

[–]darkneo86 16 points17 points ago

Every single person doesn't, only every single person who comments asking about the tag they made.

[–]Sobertese 0 points1 point ago

Is there a law about this, such as Murphy's laws?

[–]Sanctus_5 2 points3 points ago

I have a guy who I have tagged as "Is probably gay" on r/NBA. Anytime I bring it up, the guy gets pissed off like I just offended his manhood. Oh...

[–]FlamingWeasel 0 points1 point ago

I tend to tag random people as confusing things while drunk on reddit to fuck with myself.

Drunk me sucks sometimes, the other day before going to sleep I decided it would be funny to google Chlamydia symptoms on my husbands phone because his reaction is gonna be SUPER FUNNY. I'm lucky he's fairly used to this shit.

[–]FrailRain 1 point2 points ago

Copy the permalink and put it in the "link" section. Now you always know why you tagged people.

[–]K1dn3yPunch 0 points1 point ago

I'm goin cakeless

[–]CantDeside 0 points1 point ago

Cake.

[–]ziorjen 0 points1 point ago

Tastes like lies.

[–]RedSkyNoise 12 points13 points ago

You've... you've been both?

[–]coldize 4 points5 points ago

That person is an abomination. It says so right in the book of Peter. "Those who are adults are abominations. They shall have their hand eaten by a crocodile and to be haunted by foul ticking for eternity."

[–]EvenStevenKeel -2 points-1 points ago

As a former adult and current child, "neener neener neener you smell like poop".

[–]poutyp 10 points11 points ago

Oh yeah? I never had birthdays as a kid.

Source: Fuck Jehovah's Witnesses. They ruin everything.

[–]innesk8r4life 8 points9 points ago

I have actually seen one kid's parent bring a present for him, to my nephews birthday party. She said "he cries when the birthday boy gets to open his presents, so I have to bring him one."

[–]h3rpad3rp 9 points10 points ago

Wow, the only time I've ever heard of this is Cartman on South Park... Thats just terrible.

[–]Hatric -1 points0 points ago

Wait situations on animated television shows are modeled around real life!?

[–]CiscoEnt 4 points5 points ago

I've seen this one before. The chlid in question is referred to as a demon child regularly by grown adults when the parents aren't around.

For the love of god, if you're reading this, and do this for your children, give them a boot in the ass for me.

[–]UnD34d_Do0d 2 points3 points ago

Maybe it's when you are 5 and your parents are like I DON'T know who you are friends with so I invited everybody

[–]paniconya12 2 points3 points ago

"BUT MOM!, no one likes that kid and he smells like a cat"

[–]doomgiver98 2 points3 points ago

I might be missing something but it seems like those random capital letters are unnecessary.

[–]UnD34d_Do0d 1 point2 points ago

I was going to do it in all caps but pussied out

[–]musicguy2013 2 points3 points ago

You've been very lucky.

[–]rfm23 0 points1 point ago

On my 7th birthday my older brother's friend (13yo) pushed my face in to my Power Ranger's cake, completely destroying it. I cried. So yes, they were assholes.

[–]Shugbug1986 0 points1 point ago

I never had good birthday parties as a child.

[–]Starkai 7 points8 points ago

condolences friend

[–]urbankaiser 1 point2 points ago

condolence high five

[–]EndlessAutumn 8 points9 points ago

The key is to have one cake for the kids and another cake for the adults. Preferably, heavily soaked with some kind of liquor.

[–]Naggers123 -1 points0 points ago

[–]greasyhands 26 points27 points ago

I'm really curious what socio-economic rung you are on, because I have never seen or heard of something like this.

[–]Wazowski 37 points38 points ago

Yes, also tell us what race you are so that we may judge you and your peers collectively.

[–]hitwithtruth 11 points12 points ago

He's British. I creeped his old posts and found the use of the word ”colour”. Also, he has decent grammar and called children ”little shits”. British people love to call children that.

[–]unknamed 3 points4 points ago

Having listened to Pink Floyd, I can confirm this (the little shits thing).

[–]jsellout 4 points5 points ago

I HOPE THEY THROW AWAY THE KEY YA SHOULDA TALKED TO ME MORE OFTEN THAN YOU DID BUT NO!

[–]Midnightatnevada 2 points3 points ago

You had to go Your own way, have you broken any Homes up lately? Just five minutes, Worm your honor, Him and me, alone.

[–]Has_fun_with_chicken 2 points3 points ago

or Australian, actually pretty much every english speaking country can spell colour right except America..

'Murica, Fuck Yeah

[–]QuirkyTurtle 1 point2 points ago

I'm Canadian and we use colour too so he might be from here. But I've never seen that happen either.

[–]Anth741 1 point2 points ago

Wasn't aware "little shits" was a British thing.

[–]Hatric -1 points0 points ago

I can confirm this statement.

Source: My mum is British, I am half British and I call my son a "little shit" all the time, also per my parents "shit" was my first word.

[–]DavidOnPC 1 point2 points ago

Or Canadian, we spell colour correctly too.

[–]doomgiver98 1 point2 points ago

We don't say "little shits" though. At least not the Canadians I know.

[–]DavidOnPC 1 point2 points ago

Where in Canada? B.C. it happens quite a bit.

[–]doomgiver98 0 points1 point ago

The populated part of Ontario.

My mom has referred to me as a little shit and she's British.

[–]lax4life0607 5 points6 points ago

Like this?

[–]winesti 9 points10 points ago

Speaking of little shits at birthday parties, it reminds me of the time I was at a friends birthday party, and he was opening presents. He unwrapped a pretty badass looking Batman PS2 controller, and as soon and the wrapping paper was off and everyone went "Woah!", one of the kids yelled "I CALL USING IT FIRST!!!".

Yes, he was dead serious, and no, he was not the one who bought it for him.

[–]mangaka-yaidir 0 points1 point ago

Should've said " No you don't! " and kicked him out.

[–]AndroTritium 3 points4 points ago

My parents were the type that would not take crap from kids...

[–]Fuckin_Hipster 5 points6 points ago

So brave.

[–]Punchee 2 points3 points ago

...dem germs. So disgusting. Probably the only time I'd ever turn down cake.

[–]gootwo 0 points1 point ago

What the fuck? That's totally not normal, dude.

[–]RJLupin2 0 points1 point ago

I went to a birthday party for a friend of mine. Luckily, none of the little shits who were dicks to candles were around, but my friend who was supposed to blow out the candles thought it would be funny to blow raspberries all over the cake. Me being queunliskanphobic, did not have any cake that night.

[–]Tulos 14 points15 points ago

Reddit: When America's Funniest Videos just isn't enough.

[–]girls_kissing_girls 34 points35 points ago

THAT FUCKING KID

[–]DownInFive 41 points42 points ago

Looks like he's saying "you asshole!"

[–]Synackaon 68 points69 points ago

I saw him raise his fist and I seriously expected to see him sock the little fuck who blew out his candles. Was rooting for him too.

Kid was awesome regardless.

[–]yaharon 3 points4 points ago

I was really impressed that he didn't sock him. The ensuing rebuke had enough aggression.

[–]yaharon 0 points1 point ago

7[] +_0432

[–]Mr_Eds_carrot 35 points36 points ago

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU

[–]ajaxfontura 1 point2 points ago

I'VE ABANDONED MY BOY

[–]ASesz 11 points12 points ago

"Heeeey it's not your turn!" ?

[–]funnywhennecessary 4 points5 points ago

THAT WAS YOUR DOOM

[–]scorpion347 2 points3 points ago

"Fuck you too!"

[–]Purpose2 2 points3 points ago

Pretty sure he says "Thats Not Good!" Which would make sense as it is likely what his parents say to him to tell him off, and he had to tell off his asshole mate.

[–]svsvsvs 3 points4 points ago

Not sure if joking. He obviously says "shame on you."

[–]doomgiver98 0 points1 point ago

He doesn't close his mouth for the 'm'.

[–]rasmus9311 0 points1 point ago

HEY, THAT'S NOT COOL!

[–]nprnpbr 6 points7 points ago

To me it looks like he says "Not Your Turn!"

[–]skiwf42 0 points1 point ago

Agreed. They look like twins so maybe he's older and gets first crack at it?

[–]unsilentninja 5 points6 points ago

I've got a video of my nephews doing exactly this, the birthday boy (the younger one) looks at his brother then pushes back from the table like he's about to beat some ass. Very funny. Can post if anybody wants.

[–]Black_Hitler 2 points3 points ago

Yes, please!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ReppinDaBurgh 11 points12 points ago

Your brother and sister in law (Or vice versa) are assholes for not actually yelling at the older brother there. The younger brother was clearly upset.

[–]Black_Hitler 6 points7 points ago

Wow your older nephew is a douchebag. He got in trouble for acting like an ass, right?

[–]unsilentninja 0 points1 point ago

he did off camera

[–]Black_Hitler 0 points1 point ago

Cool. For the record, I'm sure he's a good kid. I don't think he's a raging, terrible child with bad parents. My comment was limited to blowing out the candles only.

[–]unsilentninja 0 points1 point ago

it's cool dude. I know. But, it IS the internet lol

[–]imnottouchingyou 3 points4 points ago

That is ridiculously awful parenting.

Little homie was defending his right to blow out his candles, only to get hit in the face by the offender and laughed at by the adults.

[–]alejandrosaysrelax 0 points1 point ago

"Get off your chair, you can get him"

[–]jacobsnemesis 2 points3 points ago

Well done OP. I was rooting for Jack, hoping he would open a can of whoopass on his bro.

[–]unsilentninja 1 point2 points ago

sorry guys, OP is a faggot. Family wanted me to take it down. Not sure why.

[–]eru88 0 points1 point ago

probably didn't like being called bad parents.

[–]unsilentninja 0 points1 point ago

They're good parents and would have done something if it got out of hand. We were all too busy laughing especially after he started getting out of the chair. and yeah my older nephew is an asshole.

[–]eru88 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I got here too late didn't even see it. Just saying that because of teh comments.

[–]Scout_Treeper 0 points1 point ago

Oh hell ho!

[–]stupidlikeafox 1 point2 points ago

An ugly sweater themed bday party? Sign me up.

[–]sflstargazer 3 points4 points ago

i showed this to my mom and she said "get that kid out of there, he is a MONSTER!"

[–]gumpythegreat 3 points4 points ago

"I'M GETTING REAL TIRED OF YOUR SHIT, JIMMY!"

[–]jaroberts24 11 points12 points ago

Someone should make the candles burning orange upvotes and then blown out into blue downvotes.

[–]Chonaic17 2 points3 points ago

The Harbaughs?

[–]JLinrs 0 points1 point ago

That's it I'm going on a kid punching rampage!

[–]brap668 1 point2 points ago

What a little prick.

[–]meatwad1987 0 points1 point ago

i woulda fought him

[–]fire_marshall_ill 0 points1 point ago

He's gonna make a great boss one day.

[–]itookyourjob 1 point2 points ago

And thats when he started being known as "scumbag steve"

[–]Turkmama 0 points1 point ago

They're twins, right? This is why we served cupcakes at our twins' bday.

[–]colloquy 0 points1 point ago

That's what I thought. It looks like he was saying "Hey! You had your turn".

[–]Clbull -1 points0 points ago

That kid looks so much like Justin Bieber, it's unreal.

[–]Heebmeister 0 points1 point ago

I thought he said "How could you", but that seems a tad dramatic for a 7 year old

[–]matthewgstat 2 points3 points ago

This reminds me of my fifth birthday where a kid brought me a gift and later on demanded to my mom that he open it, citing that his mother had "bought it with her very own money." I wasn't even in the room when this happened. I was a shy, non-confrontational kid, so I walk in and asked my mom to let him. Then again, during a game of Monopoly at this same kid's house, he told me he wouldn't invite me over again if I bought Boardwalk (which I had landed on). I promptly informed him that I was forced by my mom to go over in the first place, and left.

[–]leif777 0 points1 point ago

If those were my step kids (5 and 6) there would have been blood shed and it would have taken a half a dozen parents to keep them apart before they killed each other.

[–]lowpro 1 point2 points ago

This might be a case of awesome parenting. Maybe previously in his life when he did something wrong rather than being smacked or yelled at this was the response he got and this is how he learned to express his disappointment.

Even if I'm wrong which I probably am; kudos kid!

[–]BubblyTiara -1 points0 points ago

That kid looks a lot like Alfalfa's friend from The Little Rascals

[–]homepanda 0 points1 point ago

I TRUSTED YOU!

[–]bax101 0 points1 point ago

For some reason I was reminded of the movie Problem Child.

[–]HeMightBeRacist 0 points1 point ago

It looks like "SHAME ON YOU!" to me...

[–]p0wndizz7e 0 points1 point ago

and to me to0

[–]VictoryOverHabit 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of parents always taking the bat away from me when parties had a pinata. I was too damn accurate and they always wanted to let the birthday kid break it.

[–]VladTheImpala 1 point2 points ago

taking the bat away from me

You had a bat - you could have defended yourself...

[–]fur_sure_braj 0 points1 point ago

Too bad they don't show the resulting duel that the kid was obviously challenging him to...

[–]tehripper 1 point2 points ago

Somebody add the Phoenix Wright Objection text !

[–]nemesisx26 0 points1 point ago

That little asshole would've made me cry of it was me back in the day

[–]jukefest -1 points0 points ago

This actually happened to me on my 10th birthday. My cousin wore the same hyper color shirt as me that day

[–]McBurger 0 points1 point ago

[–]macko656 0 points1 point ago

PO-TA-TOES

[–]dev_icee 0 points1 point ago

i think it's awesome that he outed that slow bastard...

[–]tomango 0 points1 point ago

MOMMY, Charlie blew out my candles......

[–]CornFedHonky 0 points1 point ago

That set off some kind of primal rage in me left over from childhood.

[–]Hatric 0 points1 point ago

The way my 2 year old tells people off for just about anything I expect this will be him in the future.

[–]purplesandblues 0 points1 point ago

It looks like he's saying "I'll kill you!"

[–]lordfalgor 0 points1 point ago

So that's how Mark Wahlberg looked like when he was a little boy...

[–]Santa_Claauz 0 points1 point ago

I didn't know jpegs could move

[–]Shamus_Aran 0 points1 point ago

I was totally ready for some snot-out-of slapping to take place.

[–]guillelon 0 points1 point ago

I think he said: "SHAME ONE YOU!!!"

[–]robfromtherich 0 points1 point ago

This happened at my 10th birthday. My neighbor's little brother that got to come because he was my neighbor broke my pinata while we were playing with the water balloons. I was excited to try it because I was playing my first year of softball at the time and I was getting a good swing :(

[–]GrandMasterMara 0 points1 point ago

and that's how dictators are born

[–]njspec 0 points1 point ago

seven year old me did this exact thing to a friend. haven't forgiven myself since.

[–]esquiii 0 points1 point ago

I have a picture of preschool me blowing out my friend's birthday candles at Chuckie Cheese. When the cake was brought out he whispered to me that I could do it and he wouldn't mind!

... At least that's what I've been telling myself ever since.

[–]Blinkme0182 0 points1 point ago

I logged in just so i could upvote this

[–]Jarrrp 0 points1 point ago

Oh no he didn't!

[–]TheBlackLuffy 0 points1 point ago

"Dude F*ck you" also works lol

[–]taisha2640 0 points1 point ago

Old as the internet

[–]tosavethefriendship -1 points0 points ago

I have a great and cherished picture showing me blowing out my little brother's birthday candles behind his back while he beams at the camera. It's probably my favorite picture ever taken of me.

[–]SCIZZOR 0 points1 point ago

Not for you!

[–]Karitas_Savva 1 point2 points ago

OBJECTION!

[–]soulreaper55555 0 points1 point ago

Kill steal.

[–]DarthDiaz 0 points1 point ago

"Screw you too"

[–]hayden_evans 0 points1 point ago

As a twin, I am kind of surprised that this never really happened with my brother and I.

[–]laugh_to_myself 0 points1 point ago

Happened to me when I turned 4..... never forget.

[–]laugh_to_myself 0 points1 point ago

Happened to me when I turned 4..... never forget.

[–]DenialSystem 0 points1 point ago

I'd definately hate that kid like forever. Especially if it was recorded and i'd have to get through this over and over again.

[–]sniperwolf325 0 points1 point ago

I'm waiting for a version of this to be made that says "You're a faggot!" when he points at the second kid.

[–]zestyhol3 0 points1 point ago

that kid was going to whoop his ass!!

[–]deejydee 0 points1 point ago

Is this the SCUMBAG gif but in his YOUNGER years..?? FUCK YA IT IS

[–]thepegleg 2 points3 points ago

This would be my reaction. (NSFW)

[–]Loves2Sp00ge 3 points4 points ago

dat intro

[–]Go-Go_Pun_Thread 1 point2 points ago

Wow, that kid blew his chance.

[–]FuckUYankeeBlueJeans 0 points1 point ago

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow!

[–]vomitvolcano 0 points1 point ago

Was this on America's Funniest Home videos with Bob Saget?

Also, eat shit.

[–]space_m0nkee -1 points0 points ago

came here to say the first sentence.

[–]lukewarmcereal -1 points0 points ago

Wow, that blows

[–]Babill -2 points-1 points ago

Is that John Malkovitch?

[–]jonnyrotten7 -4 points-3 points ago

Young Mitt Romney?