top 200 commentsshow all 264

[–]I_Nickd_it 507 points508 points ago

Your friend is a huge douche for causing the turtle extreme stress being held like that, let alone chasing it around for an hour...

It's also probably illegal.

[–]PoorlyBuilt 106 points107 points ago

True, no wonder the turtle's scared as fuck.

[–]reediculus1 128 points129 points ago

In Hawaii it is illegal to touch them. $10,000 fine. Hard to enforce, but it's there for a reason.

[–]freeaccount 71 points72 points ago

I wish there was a Turtle Patrol Squad that dressed like the Ninja Turtles and ran around Hawaii protecting all the turtles.

Someone should do that.

[–]goldenelephant45 49 points50 points ago

No, but the locals will seriously hurt you if they see you near one. Angry natives are just about as scary as a group of mutant turtles.

[–]grubas 7 points8 points ago

Preacherbot: To hell with the turtles!

Bender: No one insults the turtles!

[–]Leonidas140 2 points3 points ago

[–]grubas 0 points1 point ago

I want to think of a good song, but Futurama and dancing just reminds me of "The Hustle", but Bender wouldn't know that, it's an Ancient Bronx Dance.

[–]DownvotingPokemon -1 points0 points ago

You like pokemon don't you? (I'm seeing that I've downvoted you rather a lot.)

[–]DRUNK_CYCLIST 11 points12 points ago

i think i would take locals more serious than a bunch of grown men in costume.

[–]Mikey-2-Guns 1 point2 points ago

If I don't save the wee turtles, who will!?

[–]Breathing_Balls 14 points15 points ago

There is, you just never see them.

[–]mcgibber 3 points4 points ago

hence the ninja in their name.

[–]RonBurgundy_says 0 points1 point ago

There's no....ohhhh

[–]Se7en_Sinner 1 point2 points ago

They're too busy at Domino's.

[–]travis_of_the_cosmos 2 points3 points ago

There is a Monk Seal Patrol Squad in Hawaii. They set up barriers and keep people away when the seals come up on shore. Special t-shirts, too.

[–]chaunceyvonfontleroy 2 points3 points ago

Volunteered for them for awhile. NOAA at one point gave them badges that had to be taken away b/c people started going bat shit insane with the perceived "power" that the badge had. I watched a middle aged woman chew out a young child for... looking too directly at a monk seal. They were insane.

Edit: they also have a turtle patrol set up at Lani's. Not sure if they're affiliated with NOAA though.

Edit 2: typo

[–]travis_of_the_cosmos 0 points1 point ago

I watched a middle ages woman chew out a young child for... looking too directly at a monk seal.

Hahahaha I fucking hate people so much.

What's Lani's? Is that the name of the beach before Waimea where they come ashore?

[–]chaunceyvonfontleroy 0 points1 point ago

What's Lani's? Is that the name of the beach before Waimea where they come ashore?

Well, they come ashore on almost every beach on the NS, but somehow, someone decided Lani's was where they were going to point tourists to see turtles (even though there are plenty of beaches where they are more prevalent). Yes, it's before Waimea and causes way too much traffic on Kam. Fuckin' turtle traffic!!!

Full Name: Laniakea

[–]travis_of_the_cosmos 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, that's the beach I was thinking of. Back in high school I was sure that was the famed "Turtle Bay" because I didn't have money for the Hilton. Turns out it's not, still don't think I've ever been to Turtle Bay.

Tourists are so god damned obedient. Go wherever they're told, and nowhere else...anytime I'm on a flight next to a tourist I try to get them to promise to leave Waikiki at least.

[–]Bogey_Kingston 0 points1 point ago

Justice with a side of humor.

I like it.

To the White House petitions page!

[–]lexxxgrace25 0 points1 point ago

Where do I sign up?

[–]straightgineer 0 points1 point ago

Mmm crazed vigilante militias. They're ok when they're fighting for something you like, but bad when they're fighting for something you're against.

[–]ahawks 9 points10 points ago

I went swimming near the turtles in Hawaii a few years ago (in a tour group).

Many of the turtles had giant tumors on them, as a result of contracting HPV from humans. That's right, HPV, genital warts. Turtles are susceptible to it, and grow tumors from it.

So that's the primary reason it's illegal to touch them.

[–]Versatyle07 13 points14 points ago

HPV doesn't mean genital warts specifically. Genital warts are just one type of Human Papilloma Virus. Warts on your hands are also caused by a different strain of hpv. Just so people don't think someone is going around wiping their dicks on sea turtles.

[–]whitemithrandir 3 points4 points ago

"Dicks on Sea Turtles". Thanks, my garage band needed a name.

[–]Mikey-2-Guns 13 points14 points ago

Not hard to enforce if there is a photo uploaded to facebook for evidence.

[–]mrspoogemonstar 5 points6 points ago

When I was scuba diving in hawaii, someone in our dive group got sent back to the boat for chasing a turtle for a picture. Got bitched out afterwards too.

[–]Ninja0verkill 0 points1 point ago

But when i was in Hawaii, one snuck up on me and rubbed up against my ass... what does this mean?

[–]Versatyle07 1 point2 points ago

Trying to give you HPV.

[–]xilpaxim 1 point2 points ago

Are you serious? Really? Dude, get back there, man, you're the fucking one! Like, the one it wants to fuck! Go make turtle people!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

TMNT

[–]Ninja0verkill 0 points1 point ago

Yah it scared the shit out of me cause I thought it was a shark.

[–]HashiHash 0 points1 point ago

I was told while there on vaca its because of the bacteria on our hands.

[–]Brian-Puccio 0 points1 point ago

I went snorkeling in Hawaii and the guide said do not follow turtles because they will swim as far and as deep away from you as possible until they run out of air while all the snorkelers are breathing just fine through their tube.

Plus he said it was illegal to interfere with them.

[–]soccertes 1 point2 points ago

I went deep sea swimming off the coast of Oahu, and a giant sea turtle much bigger than the one in OPs picture appeared. We had signed a contract that we wouldnt touch any wildlife already, so we were just staring in awe. But then this turtle starts swimming towards me and i keep swimming backwards and it just doesnt stop, to the point where we were swimming parallel to each other but I was kinda doing the Neo dodge from the matrix. I was face to face with this turtle and all I could do was stare at it in the eyes while thinking of the turtles from finding nemo

[–]kibblesNbitches 0 points1 point ago

Release me at one you blithering idiot!!!

[–]DudeBug 39 points40 points ago

[–]MrPeterIt 10 points11 points ago

Oh god...that had to be made, it was only a matter of time. The original is so much better than the American version too.

[–]DudeBug 3 points4 points ago

agreed.

[–]ipfaffy 0 points1 point ago

I'm almost scared to ask: what is the original from?

[–]DudeBug 3 points4 points ago

Girl with the dragon tattoo.

[–]Lillipout 20 points21 points ago

I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment and suggest that the person in the picture might be involved in tracking sea turtles as part of a conservation or research effort and just took a silly photo.

[–]xilpaxim 7 points8 points ago

I'm going to play devil's advocate to your devil's advocate, and state that if they were involved in tracking sea turtles, they would know not to do something so fucking stupid and terrible as this.

[–]mrspoogemonstar 11 points12 points ago

Seriously, your friend is a fuckhead.

[–]Reservedforeddit 6 points7 points ago

This. Regardless of whether its dangerous for the turtle to be touched or not, it took an hour to catch it. That means it wants to be left alone. Leave it the hell alone. I wish people that did things like this, thinking that its harmless, would somehow have the same human equivalent happen to them. Some gigantic scary asshole chasing you around for an hour, you have no idea what his intentions are, and then he catches you. Sounds like a nightmare to me.

[–]ToastedSoup 0 points1 point ago

Sounds like every horror movie ever to me

[–]codin_aint_easy 2 points3 points ago

Well these comments were enough to make FoD (friend of douche) delete his account. That makes me feel a bit better.

[–]scroobble 7 points8 points ago

But on the up side, he's probably going to be way more grateful for his life and go on his way living a much fuller turtle life. I mean, imagine getting picked up and for a bit then set down by a polar bear or some shit...

[–]hurrahporn 5 points6 points ago

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of the turtle's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

[–]accostedbyhippies 8 points9 points ago

Twist: The turtle's name: Raymond K. Hassell.

[–]stuff_of_epics 5 points6 points ago

And he always wanted to be a humanitarian.

[–]I_used_to_be_surly -1 points0 points ago

veterinarian?

[–]stuff_of_epics 1 point2 points ago

While the human wanted to work with animals, the animal has a fondness for humans.

[–]Aiken4Brain 2 points3 points ago

I think you're giving the turtle's cognitive abilities a little too much credit. The guy is an asshole for fucking with a protected species.

[–]scroobble 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, after watching Finding Nemo it does seem like they're a little loopy and not all there upstairs. But in all seriousness, I definitely agree. I'm spending a year in Central America and turtle conservation is a big issue that gets too little attention.

[–]BioGenx2b -1 points0 points ago

It's a joke, man.

[–]perfconfused 2 points3 points ago

Agreed. OP should pick better friends.

[–]rrritalin -2 points-1 points ago

Not necessarily! Have you considered he might have been doing so for a turtle monitoring program? catching and measuring turtles using snorkelling gear is a key part of many of these, and is vital for population assessments (source: used to work on a reef survey team).

[–]accostedbyhippies 26 points27 points ago

Yeah. That guy looks like he's doing some science.

[–]_______walrus 11 points12 points ago

I doubt any scientist would stress a turtle like that.

[–]EducatdInsolince 2 points3 points ago

He would be wearing gloves because he'd know that the oils in human skin break down the protective layer on the turtles' skin.

Edit: It would appear that what I was told was wrong.

[–]BioGenx2b -1 points0 points ago

Doesn't saltwater break down those oils?

[–]newaccount -1 points0 points ago

......and let's not forget the top post on 'all' at this very moment.

[–]penfouky -2 points-1 points ago

I seriously hope this guys tiny dick gets eaten by sharks, and then he slowly bleeds out, all alone and helpless.

[–]MelbaSnax 1 point2 points ago

Reddit Army: ENGAGE!

[–]moosestew 169 points170 points ago

put it back douchebag

[–]freeaccount 33 points34 points ago

No kidding, this turtle is clearly distressed and is probably in shock thinking it's about to be eaten. What an asshole.

[–]hockeycrazy033 5 points6 points ago

won't it be happy when it realizes it didn't get eaten then...

[–]TheReasonableCamel 2 points3 points ago

....it will be thrown back in right in front of a shark or sting ray

[–]amillionthmonkey 69 points70 points ago

Pitchforks, get your pitchforks here:

---E

------E

------E

[–]BoxMonster44 25 points26 points ago

I'm a pretty short guy, so I'll take the small one, thanks!

[–]Se7en_Sinner 13 points14 points ago

Actually you should take the largest one to compensate.

[–]Octomon 5 points6 points ago

Do you sell flaming brands? I'd prefer a flaming brand.

[–]tazcel 0 points1 point ago

[–]Macrat -1 points0 points ago

dude what about the torches :C

[–]sunwriter 1 point2 points ago

Do you have any on fire?

[–]iTowboat 109 points110 points ago

Isn't that shit illegal as hell? Touching, let alone, taking a turtle out of the water?

[–]Anonximous 35 points36 points ago

In American waters it is for sure. A federal crime, a very big deal. Hence why in Hawaii and other places the turtles have absolutely no fear of people at all.

[–]iTowboat 4 points5 points ago

That's what I thought. Must have been taken elsewhere then.

[–]thepegleg 12 points13 points ago

Went scuba diving in Hawaii a few years ago and was told to NEVER TOUCH THE TURTLES. Swam pretty close to them, but did not touch.

[–]iTowboat 5 points6 points ago

That's why I mentioned it. Everyone was like "Don't touch 'em HOWLIE!"

[–]mannpt 7 points8 points ago

haole

[–]Demercenary 4 points5 points ago

Don't be such an asshaole.

[–]mannpt 0 points1 point ago

Ua Mau Ke Ea O My house. She come over. I be happy.

[–]iTowboat 1 point2 points ago

Thanks.

[–]UptightSodomite 0 points1 point ago

Careful though, cause they'll touch you. My friends and I have been surprised more than once by turtles that have sneaked up behind us. One even slapped my friend on her back before swimming by.

[–]Anonximous 0 points1 point ago

It could have also just been on a boat far enough out to be in international waters. In most places where the turtles are not protected they are so fearful of humans catching one would be impossible.

[–]CisForCondom 0 points1 point ago

While I was scuba diving in Australia we were told not to touch the sea turtles because it was illegal.

[–]jaggazz 72 points73 points ago

I would say that chasing it for an hour would constitute Harassment which carries a penalty of $1,000 - $10,500 for a first offense and is a federal crime.

ENDANGERED SPECIES ACT PENALTY SCHEDULE PDF

[–]coaxfun 2 points3 points ago

And, the authorities now have proof. I expect this guy's going to get some interesting mail very soon.

[–]phorkor 6 points7 points ago

Unfortunately it's not if they're not in a marine sanctuary. Sea turtles are what got me into scuba diving. Such amazing creatures. Not sure why people feel the need to fuck with wild animals. Just look at them, enjoy them, leave them alone and move the hell on.

[–]dontblamethehorse 3 points4 points ago

Unfortunately it's not if they're not in a marine sanctuary.

Yes, it is. Go to Hawaii and play with the turtles and tell me how that $10,000 fine works out for you.

[–]cyclop_blowjob -1 points0 points ago

Go to somewhere outside USA where there is no law forbidding playing with turtles.

The USA is a big sanctuary for these turtles, it's illegal to touch them there.

[–]dontblamethehorse 2 points3 points ago

That is not what a sanctuary is, and that would completely defeat the purpose of even making the original statement. You said it is only illegal in sanctuaries, but you think that anywhere the turtles live is a sanctuary because they are endangered... i.e. you think everywhere is a sanctuary, so why would you say it is only illegal inside of a sanctuary if that is literally anywhere?

A sanctuary is a man made facility in which animals are cared for by humans, and more importantly protected from outside threats. That is the big one. I encourage you to go do some research and look at some actual sanctuaries if you like.

You would have to extend this "anywhere an endangered species happens to be automatically becomes a sanctuary" to humpback whales as well, amongst tons of other animals. I would love to know how you think humans are able to protect humpback whales from outside threats when they live in the ocean and we have no way of making sure they are not threatened.

It is obvious you are just trying to make the reality fit what you originally said. It is illegal to fuck with sea turtles anywhere in the United States. You can't just start calling Hawaii and California sanctuaries because that would conveniently make your statement correct. They aren't sanctuaries.

[–]agray20938 5 points6 points ago

It likely wasn't in the USA. In other countries, there are American-sponsored Sea Turtle monitoring programs which I've personally participated in. We could catch turtles basically by chasing them around and diving out of a boat on them, then measure them, tag them if they didn't already have them, give them a free little fish, then send them on their way. It was perfectly legal.

[–]Tybalt941 62 points63 points ago

That is illegal and not cool.

[–]codin_aint_easy 55 points56 points ago

I hope your friend gets chased around by a shark for an hour.

[–]LOGANSaLOSER 11 points12 points ago

To be fair the shark would probably do more than just take a picture with him.

[–]EatDiveFly 11 points12 points ago

Well I came here to admonish, but it seems you all beat me to it. Thanks, hive mind!

[–]KYLE-BROFLOSKI 19 points20 points ago

The turtle looks like he's being mugged.

[–]PoorlyBuilt 6 points7 points ago

By a naked guy using his penis as the weapon.

[–]KYLE-BROFLOSKI 4 points5 points ago

The worst kind of mugging.

[–]GrossFatty 23 points24 points ago

Your friend is not going to like you making this public- Delete this before he gets his ass handed to him for animal abuse.

[–]Surfacetovolume 9 points10 points ago

No, leave it up so he gets his ass handed to him for animal abuse.

[–]phorkor 1 point2 points ago

agreed.

[–]caphits 27 points28 points ago

[–]Squirmish 10 points11 points ago

It's most likely sacreligious to suggest this on reddit, with all the love for Steve Irwin, but isn't this what he taught everyone to do? Chase animals and piss them off?

[–]koaladungface 1 point2 points ago

It worked out well for him in the end.

[–]MrAllotters 19 points20 points ago

We were on a boat observing dolphins,giant turtles,... and other rarely seen marine life. We got the rare chance to see the mating process of two giant turtles in open water, which then suddenly got interrupted by some american tourist boat. They threw bottles, caps, even slapped the turtles on the back. This caused them so much stress they separated and probably didn't finish the mating. Can't you simply go somewhere without disrespecting the place? Just to be clear, a giant turtle isn't a dog/cat/bunnyrabbit. They're not used to humans picking them up. TL, DR: Your friend is kind of a dick man

[–]_the__doctor_ 7 points8 points ago

Thats very rude for the americans to do that, however I don't think it's fair to say that all americans are like that. I think it's just on a human level- don't be a douche to turtles.

[–]MrAllotters 1 point2 points ago

ow yea, i see how my mentioning Americans might have caused some confusion. Don't worry I'm aware a boat with two dozen drunken, mostly male, Americans isn't very representative if you discuss a nation of 300 million. I was referring to tourist in general who willingly disrespect the environment when they're simply guests.

[–]UptightSodomite 1 point2 points ago

Since when are dolphins rarely seen marine life? They love boats and tend to follow them.

[–]MrAllotters 0 points1 point ago

well I didn't get to see them, just the turtles. Am I part of that 1 percentile who doesn't have dolphins following their boat?

[–]UptightSodomite 1 point2 points ago

Maybe. I grew up in Hawaii so maybe I take some of these things for granted.

[–]MrAllotters 0 points1 point ago

And as a Belgian I may be hyping dolphins, but then again can you really overhype dolphins?

[–]mekkasheeba 4 points5 points ago

Definitely illegal. Your friend sucks.

[–]PoorlyBuilt 16 points17 points ago

"What the fuck is going on?!!!!" -Turtle

[–]NooB-UltimatuM 5 points6 points ago

Scuba diver here. It is advised that we don't touch turtles because it literally freaks them out so much that they are at risk of a heart attack. I've never seen it happen or heard of it actually happening, but more experienced divers really stressed the point. I guess I would freak out as well if an outsider picked me up out of my domain...

[–]twinglockfortys 6 points7 points ago

STEVE HOLT! \o/

[–]chadcoleman808 -1 points0 points ago

obligatory upvote

[–]luminiferousaethers 13 points14 points ago

Your friend is a douche, and I hope your post gets him chased around by the cops for an hour.

Maybe post a picture of his face when they catch him.

P.S. fuck you too OP.

[–]generallypositive 8 points9 points ago

It's hard to believe someone with a functioning adult-level IQ could find this ok.

[–]mysterym3at 1 point2 points ago

Then I think it's safe for us to question if he even possesses an adult-level IQ. My guess would be no.

[–]Make_it_Snow 6 points7 points ago

It's hard for a depressed turtle to get out of his shell.

[–]Karate_Kyle 4 points5 points ago

I'm guessing the OP is seriously regretting the decision to post this, as he should. The OP should also reflect on the quality of 'friends' that he or she has.

This guy in the photo is a first rate douche-canoe and deserves every bit of the public shaming he's receiving.

[–]dreadsword 2 points3 points ago

Your friend is an asshole.

[–]onlinealterego 11 points12 points ago

Downvoting as your friend is a cunt

[–]Sursumsuffragium 1 point2 points ago

Dude, that turtle is clearly in unnecesary distress. Also your irresponsible friend could spread foreign bacteria to the turtle ( but I think people told me this so I wouldn´t touch any marine life).

( source: Used to work for the Saba Conservation Foundation and Reef Care on Curacao)

[–]HiImTed 3 points4 points ago

I was gonna call this guy a cunt. So glad the number one comment called him a huge douche. I'll take it.

[–]Skante 5 points6 points ago

More people need to downvote this. This is Fucked

[–]DemiDualism 0 points1 point ago

actually, upvoting it this time will get word out that this shit is not cool based on all the comments. Just as long as we downvote every future post related to it

[–]Skante 0 points1 point ago

good point

[–]Antaresia 0 points1 point ago

OP deleted his account anyway, so it's not like he's getting any of the upvotes.

[–]shafton 4 points5 points ago

Congratulations! Your friend is an idiot!

[–]skeptichectic 1 point2 points ago

Your friend is a bit of a cunt.

[–]rngtrtl 1 point2 points ago

Thats not success, thats fucking mean. Doucher.

[–]churizurd 1 point2 points ago

Put that back! That is illegal!

[–]ceh19219 4 points5 points ago

As a professonal diver who has spent a lot of time underwater with these animals. You and your friend are sick, not to mention fucking morons. Wild animals, especially sea life, can actually die from a stress buildup like this.

[–]Funktapus 3 points4 points ago

Why don't you tell your friend to leave the fucking endangered species alone. Show some goddamn respect.

[–]handsomewatermelon 0 points1 point ago

"Fin, Noggin, Duuuuuudddeeee!"

[–]ferny711 -1 points0 points ago

Is this in the Keys?

[–]RAPEINI_THE_GREAT -1 points0 points ago

How does one "chase" a turtle?

[–]worksub 0 points1 point ago

[–]c4ptaincrippl3 0 points1 point ago

Your friend has tiny ears..

[–]nigma16 -1 points0 points ago

Freeze, sucka!

[–]liljedahls -1 points0 points ago

Your friend must be a very slow man

[–]thecoydog -1 points0 points ago

Upvoted with the hope that douche gets arrested and or/fined

[–]cran -1 points0 points ago

Self-catching felons!

[–]sdpunk -1 points0 points ago

Yes extremely illegal. Green sea turtles are an endangered species and your buddy is clearly harassing it. Which I beleive is a felony.

[–]cran 0 points1 point ago

Turtlefuckers.

[–]BartyParty 0 points1 point ago

You are only allowed to accost wildlife if you are Steve Irwin, says Reddit.

[–]Truck43 -2 points-1 points ago

Your friend is a fucking asshole and should kill himself.

[–]miamiviceroy -2 points-1 points ago

Kill himself? Yeah, that seems like a logical response to the situation. GMAFB.

Edit: The fact that people are upvoting someone condoning suicide and downvoting someone advocating a rational response is just astounding.

[–]IronLung420 1 point2 points ago

This entire comment thread is bull shit in my opinion.

[–]watto11107 1 point2 points ago

I was with my best friend and his mom one time on the beach at night in South Carolina. His mom volunteered to watch baby sea turtles when they hatched and made sure they go to the ocean. I fought off many ghost crabs or whatever they're called to get them to the ocean. Probably one of the most amazing experiences i've had with nature in my life. The little guys were cute as fuck. Got some pictures and video. To OP, I hope you a conservationist and did not seriously take that picture of karma.

[–]matsky 1 point2 points ago

In Australia it's actually illegal to interfere like that. I don't know if I could watch those cute motherfuckers get eaten either, but it's apparently a major deal if the conservation people catch you. I wouldn't have thought a few extra could fuck up the balance, but I'm no expert and they are, so I guess I gotta believe they're right if I ever see it.

[–]GiJoeSamo -4 points-3 points ago

Quite sure its illegal to do this and you just gave us the evidence we need. Thanks

[–]patricknayani -2 points-1 points ago

OP is an asshole also your friend is

[–]apfpilot -1 points0 points ago

Florida Statutes (F.A.C. Rule 68E-1) restrict the take, possession, disturbance, mutilation, destruction, selling, transference, molestation, and harassment of marine turtles, nests or eggs. Protection is also afforded to marine turtle habitat. A specific authorization from Commission staff is required to conduct scientific, conservation, or educational activities that directly involve marine turtles in or collected from Florida, their nests, hatchlings or parts thereof, regardless of applicant's possession of any federal permit.

[–]ruzzelljr 0 points1 point ago

Great, now your friend has given the turtle high risk for tumors, from the human oils that is on his hands.

[–]scubahana -2 points-1 points ago

Your friend is a tit who has no concern for wildlife.

[–]BlusteryEmu -1 points0 points ago

[–]Blazeinpain 1 point2 points ago

Where's all the butthurt over this photo?

[–]PiousLiar -3 points-2 points ago

THrough out most of the world even touching, let alone catching, a sea turtle is illegal. The fines for that are astounding, and most result in jail sentences too. Put the damn thing back asshole

[–]digger70chall -5 points-4 points ago

at first my faith in humanity was crushed when I saw the photo, but all the comments calling this guy out helped to restore the little I have left.

[–]koosher -1 points0 points ago

I kind of hope he gets salmonella.