top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]BillYG20 243 points244 points ago

All that's missing are wings.

[–]Bemith 258 points259 points ago

Nightmares!

Yes they are harmless but there you go :P

[–]Quizzie 226 points227 points ago

Which Pokémon is that?

[–]screamagainstcancer 108 points109 points ago

Gligar, they first appeared on Gold/Silver.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]I_RAPE_WIIS 93 points94 points ago

[–]PiggyPork 42 points43 points ago

Did he/she grow enormous nipples ?

[–]cronatos 28 points29 points ago

Well, now one of my favorite Pokemon has one of those "cannot unsee" things. Thanks... bastard.

[–]ewolram128 15 points16 points ago

What is the name of this horrible creature?

[–]TheyCallMeStone 58 points59 points ago

Scorpionfly.

[–]hoikarnage 52 points53 points ago

How in the world do they come up with these names. So creative...

[–]iPay_In_Gum 22 points23 points ago

Avatar style

[–]matthewgstat 21 points22 points ago

Just... bear....?

[–]TwilightShy 13 points14 points ago

Surely you mean his "platypus bear."

[–]d16n 6 points7 points ago

Or armadillo-bear.

[–]Superpatboy 4 points5 points ago

No, polarbeardog

[–]Panksworth 16 points17 points ago

Latin name is Genitalibus Homicida.

Source: Wisdomand google translate.

[–]RaindropBebop 3 points4 points ago

"Hey Joe, this animal looks like it could murder my genitals. What should we call it?"

[–]Mech1 6 points7 points ago

I saw that as Genitalia Homicide.

[–]osnapitsjoey 3 points4 points ago

and thus, a heavy metal band was formed called Genitalia Homicide.
they went on to cover various songs and even made a few of there own

[–]Bemith 7 points8 points ago

Scorpion Fly

[–]carnage123 14 points15 points ago

Luckily "Scorpionflies are named because of the external male genitalia which resemble the stingers of scorpions. Scorpionflies cannot sting. Females do not have this structure."

[–]Space_Bungalow 12 points13 points ago

So its dick is enough to make people afraid.

[–]StepOfDub 21 points22 points ago

That actually looks really cool.

[–]OBrien 39 points40 points ago

Scorpionflies are a thing.

[–]CircadianHour 32 points33 points ago

A harmless thing unrelated to scorpions. Thankfully.

[–]MeniteTom 5 points6 points ago

Though they are related to fleas, amusingly.

[–]nimofitze 43 points44 points ago

Fuck.

[–]carnage123 6 points7 points ago

Luckily "Scorpionflies are named because of the external male genitalia which resemble the stingers of scorpions. Scorpionflies cannot sting. Females do not have this structure."

[–]Grindstone50k 7 points8 points ago

Time to burn the earth down.

[–]Blinsin 2 points3 points ago

They don't sting. They are nothing

[–]Arinnarina 105 points106 points ago

[–]Vikingrage 24 points25 points ago

Some men just want to see the world burn.

...now imagine, if you will, a pack (?) of scorpions flying 1.5m above ground in the middle of a busy city at rush hour. With some of them on fire. Descending from the skyscrapers like a never before seen hellish nightmare to fight the humans.

[–]vpovio 10 points11 points ago

A holocaust seems like a much more appropriate way of referring to a large group of floating scorpions. I mean, if crows get to be called a murder...

[–]saygoe 6 points7 points ago

If you play D3 you can get close enough with an elite pack!

[–]fader_j 31 points32 points ago

dont jinx it

[–]BoonTobias 41 points42 points ago

Guys, guys, i have this idea guys, hear me out, guys

[–]SBecker30 102 points103 points ago

[–]nermid 7 points8 points ago

This always makes me chuckle. It's like magic.

[–]Cole119 70 points71 points ago

[–]this_is_normal 12 points13 points ago

He has a door, wide-open, that leads to a fucking desert. That guy doesn't give a shit.

[–]ScorpionFacts 23 points24 points ago

My time to shine!

There are over 1300 different species of scorpions. They live on every continent except Antarctica. Scorpions live in the hottest places on Earth, and can also withstand being frozen solid. They can hold their breath for 3 days, eat nothing for an entire year, and can survive doses of radiation that would kill us. Not only that...They were alive in their present form 400 MILLION years ago. They witnessed the rise and the fall of the dinosaurs -and survived. They have the most light sensitive eyes on the entire planet, during the day a pigment blocks most light but at night their eyes become an astonishing 10,000 times more sensitive, they can also see 360 degrees. During their lifetime they accumulate high levels of zinc and iron in their exoskeleton strengthening it's armor with REAL METAL REINFORCEMENTS.

If you liked these facts, and would like to learn more and have these enumerated by the great David Attenborough watch this video

[–]Agauos 21 points22 points ago

The closest winged version of this is probably the Tarantula Hawk. Honestly, I'd rather face the scorpion.

[–]alltat 22 points23 points ago

Wikipedia describes the effect of their sting as:

"…immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream."

[–]AscentofDissent 2 points3 points ago

Bullet ants are worse. Unfortunately, I'm speaking from personal experience.

[–]holyerthanthou 2 points3 points ago

on bullet ants

The Satere-Mawe people of Brazil use intentional bullet ant stings as part of their initiation rites to become a warrior.[7] The ants are first rendered unconscious by submerging them in a natural sedative and then hundreds of them are woven into a glove made out of leaves (which resembles a large oven mitt), stinger facing inward. When the ants regain consciousness, a boy slips the glove onto his hand. The goal of this initiation rite is to keep the glove on for a full ten minutes. When finished, the boy's hand and part of his arm are temporarily paralyzed because of the ant venom, and he may shake uncontrollably for days. The only "protection" provided is a coating of charcoal on the hands, supposedly to confuse the ants and inhibit their stinging. To fully complete the initiation, however, the boys must go through the ordeal a total of 20 times over the course of several months or even years.[8] Steve-O and Chris Pontius performed this act in a stunt in Episode 2 of Season 2 on Wildboyz and were taken to the emergency room.

nope...

[–]JohnWesternburg 9 points10 points ago

It belong to the genera Pepsis though, so there's probably a Cokes variant that stings even more out there.

[–]esimkar1 6 points7 points ago

It's just like a Cazador :(((((((((((((((((((((

[–]Lakevren 4 points5 points ago

Because Cazadores ARE mutated Tarantula Hawks. And I'd rather fight a Rad Scorpion than those goddamn Cazadores.

[–]Morgrassa 2 points3 points ago

I prefer the Tarantula Hawk simply because it can become intoxicated.

[–]Polemus 6 points7 points ago

Thanks, I didn't need to sleep tonight anyways.

[–]broncoz33 173 points174 points ago

The less you actually know about scorpions the happier you will be.

[–]lambo7 158 points159 points ago

The smaller the scorpion is the more deadly it is. So the ones that are harder to see are the ones you should be most afraid of.

[–]danpaquette 272 points273 points ago

Yep... I am less happy now.

[–]Harddaysnight1990 69 points70 points ago

But at least the big, scary looking fuckers are pussies.

[–]Vandalay1ndustries 126 points127 points ago

Like the Hummers of the insect world.

[–]Team_Khalifa 29 points30 points ago

How many mpg do they get?

[–]LakeStClair 17 points18 points ago

YMMV

[–]Platypussy 10 points11 points ago

Except the scorpions aren't extinct.

[–]Lightning-Dust 6 points7 points ago

I saw a hummer on the highway a few days ago...was I dreaming?

[–]andreylosev 4 points5 points ago

*arachnid

It's quite simple, really. The rule of thumb is: Six legs- insect. Eight legs - arachnid. Ten legs- Crustacean. More legs- probably myriapod. Now you know.

NOTE: some spiders try to disguise themselves as ants or other prey.

More awesome insect disguises

[–]broncoz33 65 points66 points ago

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!

[–]Frix 19 points20 points ago

On rare occasions a scorpion can be born with two tails to be twice as deadly!

[–]broncoz33 9 points10 points ago

I picture him being the villain in something like A Bugs Life but way more badass.

[–]madkinesis 42 points43 points ago

I rented a home with a skylight awhile back and I kept hearing tap tap on the panel. Turned out to be a mother bark scorpion, I know because it started bombing me with her young. Nothing like baby scorpions dropping down around your head in the bath room. About the size of a key on your keyboard and almost completely clear. Freakiest thing I ever seen watching those things drop down then scamper across the floor.

[–]man_cub 44 points45 points ago

be quiet.

[–]boomer478 18 points19 points ago

You're just not a nice person.

[–]ziplokk 7 points8 points ago

Bark scorpions aren't bad. Feels like a nerfed wasp sting. Also I have been stung several times by them and I'm still alive.

[–]Snarlwal 9 points10 points ago

A sting from the small ones can cause sudden and severe pancreatitis. yay

[–]Hunk-a-Cheese 7 points8 points ago

Thanks Indy

[–]bytesnbits 14 points15 points ago

I once collected large arachnids and exotic pets when I was younger. I loved watching their behaviors and feeding habits but I only got really attached to a few of them. My favorite part of my collection were my emperor scorpions because they were aesthetically appealing to me.

My first scorpion was already in adolescence when I got him and had fairly typical behavioral patterns in addition to being rather over aggressive. My second was very young when I brought him home and was really strange behaviorally. He showed almost no aggression when I'd put my hand near to feed him and even began to grab wood chips from the bottom of his cage whenever he'd see me and wave them aloft. Just to see how he would react I picked him up while wearing some welding gloves and walked around my house for a bit. He simply sat there motionless, taking in the sights. I started picking him up with my bare hands after a few more tries and aside from the occasional exploratory pinch he didn't sting or act defensively.

One day I picked him up and sat him down on the counter where all the rest of my aquariums were. He sits there a moment, taking in the sights and ambles off to the rest of the counter. Then he spots my tarantula (the exact breed of which I cannot remember) and completely loses his shit. He sprints over to the glass and does the typical arcing tail/ raised claws position when getting ready to fuck something up. Now my tarantula was so mild mannered I'd usually keep him on my shoulder as my T.V. watching buddy when my girlfriend wasn't around. He sees this bad motherfucker coming in at him and does his defensive posture of raising his front legs. They glare at each other across the glass, a poignant arachnid "come at me bro" moment. Then my tarantula quickly turns tail and hides in his log. My scorpion holds his posture for a few more seconds and moves on. I go to pick him up after he's done touring the other wildlife and for the first time he stings me right above my wrist. It's pretty much like a slightly more painful bee sting but I'm more amazed than hurt at this complete turn around in personality. I drop him off back in his cage and name him Shao Kahn, emperor of my pets.

[–]Lenscrafter 3 points4 points ago

Morbid curiosity: Who would have won?

[–]bytesnbits 4 points5 points ago

This is an interesting question, and one that I probably can't answer with much accuracy due to my rather superficial understanding of entomology. I'll give it a try though from what I observed while owning these specimens.

First a defensive: My emperor scorpion had a thin but durable exoskeleton, with the segments on the thorax being thinner than the coverings around the claws and legs. My tarantula had an exoskeleton of comparable thickness over it's entire body while also having a dense mat of wiry hairs covering every bit of the exoskeleton. These hairs irritate exposed flesh and would deter a mammal, bird or reptile but would have little to no effect on the scorpion. For maneuverability, the emperor scorpion had greater lateral movement speed than the tarantula, but less horizontal maneuverability. Both species could tuck in their legs to their sides but neither had any way of covering the top of their thorax. The face is somewhat of a vulnerable area for both creatures. The emperor scorpion has two large claws to cover its face and can still attack with its primary weapon, the stinger, while doing so. The tarantula can cover its face with a wall of front legs but loses the use of its primary weapon, the fangs.

Now offensively: My emperor scorpion has two claws capable of restraining the tarantula, but incapable of piercing the exoskeleton. The curved stinger on its back would easily pierce the carapace of the tarantula and would also inject it with a sizable dose of imperatoxin. The actual piercing may damage internal organs or disable the use of an eye, but I am uncertain what the effects of imperatoxin has on a tarantula. Imperatoxin is deadly to small mammals, reptiles and other invertibrates of comparable size so I will assume that the toxin will have an effect on a tarantula. In addition, the tail moves like lightening when the scorpion is determined so it can sting over and over again very rapidly while depositing venom. Like I said, this is merely speculation on my part as I have little knowledge relevant to your question outside of what I learned caring for them. Perhaps /r/askscience might provide a more informed answer. The tarantula on the other hand has greater leg strength (from what I observed while watching him roll things about in his aquarium) and two fangs that are significantly larger than the scorpion's stinger. However, the tarantula I had did not have any venom glands, so a bite would cause physical trauma to the effected area but would not poison the scorpion. In addition, my scorpion came up to my tarantula so they will be fighting in his habitat, in which he has a slight advantage over the scorpion by being able to get above the scorpion.

The verdict: The tarantula would most likely latch onto the top of the scorpion's thorax since that is the largest and first available target. The scorpion would then grab onto the legs of the tarantula and sting the first thing it can reach, most likely the top of the tarantula. The tarantula would thrash about trying to pull free while enduring sting after sting. Eventually the imperatoxin does its work and the tarantula dies.

Although this is a somewhat unlikely scenario since neither of these creatures would find the other to be worthwhile prey being very similar in size. More than likely these two would meet make their "I'm a badass!" pose and scurry away.

tl;dr I think that the scorpion would win due to having his venom glands while my tarantula's glads were removed. But really, I'm talking out of my ass here.

[–]Tetha 2 points3 points ago

Some scorpions have freaking metal in their shears and armor to be even more badass. I suppose they are working on size restriction of a chitin exosceleton at earth's air pressure and gravity.

[–]zWeApOnz 89 points90 points ago

This is weird as fuck to be on frontpage today --- Last night I had a nightmare of a Scorpion that had the physical appearance of a spider and it had wings. FUCKING WINGS. My house had about 20 of them and they would fly and try and sting me.

I killed myself in my dream.

[–]mustnotthrowaway 92 points93 points ago

You did the right thing.

[–]nermid 3 points4 points ago

They call it the coward's way out, but in some situations, you simply have no other option.

[–]smpx 1 point2 points ago

There are two times where it is ok for men to cry: when their dog dies, and when they encounter flying scorpion-spiders.

[–]chordnine 19 points20 points ago

Is anyone scared of lobsters?

[–]RubberDubberDingDong 12 points13 points ago

Insert Zoidberg meme here.

[–]DrDragun 6 points7 points ago

Afraid? Not really. But I don't go putting my dick in underwater crevices to tempt fate.

[–]newtothelyte 2 points3 points ago

I'm not scared of them, but I won't go near it. One pinched my toe when I was kid and it hurt like hell

[–]cedricchase 0 points1 point ago

im afraid of coconut crabs. close enough?

[–]N8dogg420 28 points29 points ago

"Here I am!"

[–]Crumbeness 57 points58 points ago

Rock you like a hurricane!

[–]thatfilthyfive 11 points12 points ago

COMEONCOMEONBABYAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[–]matiasrdz 5 points6 points ago

Twist and shout!

[–]thatfilthyfive 0 points1 point ago

suddenclarityclarence.jpg

[–]thisisntpatrick 1 point2 points ago

Ah, who can forget the memorable cover Nate Dogg did of "Rock You Like a Hurricane"

Edit: Fixed my ignorance

[–]AvPrime 23 points24 points ago

scorpions were among the first animals to have adapted to land

Props for the article link, but your comment was slightly inaccurate.

[–]Plasmashark 5 points6 points ago

Are you saying that TV LIED or oversimplificated things to me?

I'm sorry, but I can't take your claim at face value.

[–]Mange-Tout 24 points25 points ago

They like to crawl into a nice warm bed at night. I learned this the hard way.

[–]Grindstone50k 9 points10 points ago

And boots, especially when you're trying to get them on in a hurry.

[–]DrewTheSchu 262 points263 points ago

And yet, still not as scary as spiders (to me anyways).

[–]Mister_Perfect 322 points323 points ago

Clearly you have never encountered a scorpion

[–]OBrien 177 points178 points ago

I've encountered plenty, and given presence of mind it's rather obvious that the average scorpion is something to give significantly more fucks about then the average spider, but there's just something about the spider shape and movement... fuck those guys.

[–]TheVenetianMask 142 points143 points ago

[–]Will_Tay 56 points57 points ago

You just completely changed my viewpoint on spiders....untill I see another one, of course

[–]JafBot 29 points30 points ago

/r/spiders have fun. It won't take long to get over your phobia once you understand them.

[–]GDarkwolf 4 points5 points ago

I quickly got over my spider fear after I subscribed to /r/spiders. I don't fear scorpions either. But fucks wasps and bees, they're evil.

[–]606_10614w 8 points9 points ago

Bees are essential pollinators. Wasps are just fucking assholes.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]league80085 28 points29 points ago

The little dance is so cute!!

[–]shadowfusion 13 points14 points ago

Wait til you see Cuban Pete!

[–]thebiggiewall 19 points20 points ago

I'll leave this here. Taken from roughly the 1:08 mark

[–]IggySorcha 16 points17 points ago

I love how every cute spider picture I ever see is some form of jumping spider. <3

[–]Hi_Im_Jason 8 points9 points ago

Jumping spiders are the exception for me. I get the tiny striped ones in my window sills. I just let them hang out because they're so cute and entertaining to watch.

[–]Sum_Bitch 7 points8 points ago

I'd let that lil guy dance all over my skin.

[–]Candlematt 4 points5 points ago

The best part about that video is the top comment from Nigel Thornberry. "Smashing  I say! Absolutely smashing!"

[–]Mongoose42 3 points4 points ago

Whenever I do that with my legs, all I get is restraining orders.

[–]Billyshears68 1 point2 points ago

That's exactly how I act at the club.

[–]SlaughterMeister 2 points3 points ago

Why is it that as I watched this video with the sound muted, every time the spider flipped its legs in the air, I heard myself shouting "HOORAY!" in a faux child's voice in my head?

[–]iUsedtoHadHerpes 2 points3 points ago

Watch your back, mate! Too late.

[–]JSW2K7 3 points4 points ago

"The males get excited".

[–]Brainles5 36 points37 points ago

[–]choc_is_back 16 points17 points ago

It's the because you can't predict which direction they'll move in.

Seriously, fuck spiders.

[–]arachnophilia 46 points47 points ago

okay, if you insist.

[–]youngchul 12 points13 points ago

How can you hate this little guy??

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

Biologist here!

Some biologists theorize this may be due to ancestral image memory. Primates are much more likely, in respect to their regions of evolution, to encounter spiders and snakes (widespread human fears) than scorpions which may have been encountered less commonly.

[–]Yourdomdaddy 13 points14 points ago

Yea, those fuckers hurt when they sting. One got my friend in the face. After a couple hours of burning pain, one side of his face went number for a couple days.

Edit: changed "number" to "numb" then back to "number"

[–]buttplugpeddler 41 points42 points ago

Autocorrect is ruining this country.

[–]akatherder 51 points52 points ago

Almond, my brother.

[–]drewniverse 5 points6 points ago

May the great PMS touch you with his google appendix!

[–]powertrippy 14 points15 points ago

Peach it, man.

[–]Arknell 12 points13 points ago

one side of his face went number two for a couple days.

FTFY

[–]mattindustries 4 points5 points ago

Meh, I have been stung a handful of times (mom lives near a mountain in Arizona) but it hasn't been very bad for me. Once it even helped my back pain.

[–]Yourdomdaddy 4 points5 points ago

Maybe you lucked out and got stung by a licensed chiroprachnid.

[–]whv3rd 5 points6 points ago

I ate one in a lollipop once. Does that count?

[–]InbredScorpion 21 points22 points ago

Sup.

[–]wtfmanquestionmark 34 points35 points ago

[–]sneakay 13 points14 points ago

Fun fact, the pirate put into the boo box is Glenn Close.

[–]PraiseBillPaxton 2 points3 points ago

Dude! Upvote for you, for making that reference!

'Hook' was/still is one of my favorite movies of all time. But when I was a kid and would watch that movie, every time it got to that part I would have to watch the scene through cracks in my fingers. I don't know why, but at the time that was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen in a movie at that point in my life.

[–]bad-r0bot 2 points3 points ago

OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?! Is this a children's movie? I've never seen this movie but that looks like some messed up shit right there....that'd give most children and some adults nightmares D:

[–]dudestuffiscool 30 points31 points ago

wut...you've never seen Hook? "Have to fly, have to fight, have to crow, have to save Maggie, have to save Jack, Hook is back."

[–]gambiter 18 points19 points ago

Bangarang!

(It was something before it was a Skrillex song)

[–]JustSomeEngGuy 9 points10 points ago

"IT'S SNOWING!" SLAM

[–]blex64 4 points5 points ago

BANGARANG

[–]starwarsnerdguy 11 points12 points ago

Quit being a little bitch. Hook is an amazing movie.

[–]bastardsnow 8 points9 points ago

the most disturbing part is that it's glenn close in drag.

[–]shibblywibbly 7 points8 points ago

Why would he put on more drag? Why not just take off the regular drag

[–]eyereport 6 points7 points ago

It's actually an excellent movie. I watched it as a kid and loved it. The scorpion part was a tiny bit scary, but it's a very insignificant part of the overall movie.

[–]multiple_scorgasms 4 points5 points ago

yeah its the peter pan movie 'Hook'. Quality family flick!

[–]wtfmanquestionmark 3 points4 points ago

Dude, there is a scene where Captan Hook has a gun to his head and is going to kill himself. This movie was amazing and I was 9 when it came out

[–]archontruth 31 points32 points ago

I would agree, simply because the scorpion's pretty much only coming at you from one direction. The spider, on the other hand, can strike at you from any direction. The spider can be on the floor. The spider can be on the walls. The spider can be on the ceiling above your head RIGHT NOW just waiting for you to look up so he can drop down on your face and harvest delicious screams. Screams nourish the spider just as much as bugs.

[–]giveintolola 21 points22 points ago

Scorpions can also drop down from the ceiling. Actually they more like leap.

[–]Sioxnc 11 points12 points ago

They are fast as shit too.

[–]onlinealterego 10 points11 points ago

Looked up, shit myself

[–]cinemadness 9 points10 points ago

Fuck you.

[–]dmanbiker 3 points4 points ago

I've seen on multiple occasions scorpions drop down at people from the ceiling. I have no idea why they do it-- maybe to get into their hair or something, but they seem to have an intent to land on people. Spiders usually just hang out on their web.

[–]DirtyPolecat 2 points3 points ago

You are never more than 3 feet from a spider at any given moment.

Don't look at me the internet told me that.

[–]lambdaknight 6 points7 points ago

Spiders and scorpions are nothing compared to millipedes. Fuck this fuckers and their too many god damned fucking legs.

[–]hedonismbot89 8 points9 points ago

Millipedes aren't that bad. They look nasty, but they're not going to hurt you. Centipedes, on the other hand, will fuck you up. I've seen a centipede "bite" someone before. They're not fun

[–]TheUnforgivenII 1 point2 points ago

Yeah my sister got 'bit' by one before, fuck everything about them.

[–]smackfrog 6 points7 points ago

What you don't know about scorpions is how freaking indestructible they are. They can live after being stored in a freezer. When I was young I found one at the bottom of my grandparents pool (i'm talking 8 ft deep) assumed it was dead...took it out and it walked away.

Finally conquered my fear by eating one last month in China. Not too bad, actually.

[–]anossov 1 point2 points ago

[–]Hidden_Obviousness 20 points21 points ago

Yet you never remember they have a mouth. I bought 2 emperor scorpions as pets for poops 'nd giggles one day. I sat by the tank for a good 20 minutes with my hand hovering over the opening working up the nerve to pick one up. Finally, I reach in, grabbing the tip of the tail and placing it on my other hand, still afraid to let go of the tail. The scorpion, in turn, twists around, latches onto my thumb with its' pincers, and proceeds to try to eat it. I'm 6'1'' 225lbs. I flung that hell spawn back into the tank screaming like a little girl while my gf struggled to catch her breath as she pointed and laughed at me. TL;DR Grabbed a scorpions tail so I wouldn't get stung. Scorpion tried to eat my thumb. I screamed. Gf laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.

[–]YaroLord 7 points8 points ago

You're the kind of guy I see on fail compilations, man.

[–]robcap 0 points1 point ago

Scorpions eat like spiders, they pump you with enzymes and suck you up when you're goo. And recollection you have of it chewing on you is just your imagination.

[–]Hidden_Obviousness 4 points5 points ago

So I was simply being tenderized. Much better.

[–]evencorey 10 points11 points ago

Arizonan here. Ever find a scorpion hanging out in your shoe when you wake up? Desert dwellers, check your shoes every time you put your feet in them! I learned that the hard way.. Luckily no damage done.

[–]OhCrapNotAgain 3 points4 points ago

Oh yeah. After my first encounter I learned to stuff my shoes with socks every night.

[–]supertaco_12 6 points7 points ago

Fellow Arizonan checking in, if you ever DO meet a scorpion, DO NOT flush it down the toilet/crush it/<normal things you do to bugs>. This might seem like overkill but the way we got rid of them was to use pliers to put them on a concrete/asphalt surface outside then burn them with a butane torch to a crisp...they can survive underwater for days on end, they can be crushed and walk away, and they can kill small mammals. Don't underestimate them.

[–]markandspark 5 points6 points ago

KILL IT WITH FIRE

[–]blumpkin24 10 points11 points ago

wasps are the embodiment of evil...

[–]C_T_C_C 37 points38 points ago

You're missing the oxford comma.

[–]eyereport 13 points14 points ago

Usage notes on the Oxford Comma (a.k.a. serial comma or series comma):

The 2009 Associated Press Stylebook states on page 357

IN A SERIES: Use commas to separate elements in a series, but do not put a comma before the conjunction in a simple series: The flag is red, white and blue. He would nominate Tom, Dick or Harry.

The text continues on to say that a comma should be used after the concluding conjunction

if an integral element of the series requires a conjunction: I had orange juice, toast, and ham and eggs for breakfast.

It further states that a comma should be used

before the concluding conjunction in a complex series of phrases: The main points to consider are whether the athletes are skillful enough to compete, whether they have the stamina to endure the training, and whether they have the proper mental attitude.

Interestingly, the AP Stylebook also instructs the reader to consult Webster's New World College Dictionary for more detailed guidance on comma usage. On page 1673 of Webster's Fourth Edition (1999), it instructs the reader to use a comma

To separate words, phrases, and clauses in a series.

Note the oxford comma used in the instruction. Webster's continues on to give examples.

The menu offered the usual choices of steak, chops, and chicken.

Expect it tomorrow, next Monday, or a week from today.

If you study hard, concentrate, and take your time, you are sure to pass.

Finally, Webster's adds this note:

Some writers omit this "series comma" (as in "Expect it tomorrow next, Monday or a week from today"). The comma is useful, however, in preventing ambiguity.

As you can see, the acceptable use of the Oxford comma is still subject to disagreement. However, it is clear that it is acceptable in some circles to ignore the Oxford comma at one's discretion, provided the sentence is unambiguous.

EDIT: Added the year (1999) of Webster's Fourth Edition.

[–]Wangst 3 points4 points ago

The AP Style Book should be ignored when it is obviously being old and busted.

For instance, it said up until last year that we should all write "Web site" instead of "website."

As the meme says - "We invited the strippers, JFK, and Stalin." is superior to "We invited the strippers, JFK and Stalin."

Also, see all those punctuation marks? Total shit. But AP Style says use them. Everyone is moving to italics for titles of movies like Asspuncher and for emphasis of words like elephantiasis these days.

[–]rhineauto 32 points33 points ago

who gives a fuck about an oxford comma?

[–]C_T_C_C 25 points26 points ago

I've seen those English dramas, too

[–]Treecko99 16 points17 points ago

They're cruel.

[–]C_T_C_C 5 points6 points ago

So if there's any other way to spell the word

[–]TheAmazingKent 1 point2 points ago

It's fine with me, with me

[–]udevi 1 point2 points ago

Oxford.

[–]Pelican_Fly 3 points4 points ago

and deliciousness, you forgot deliciousness

[–]Matthias21 3 points4 points ago

I am pretty sure Scorpions have been around much much longer than any of the other creatures mentioned.

Boo http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=qP-Auo8CE9A#t=245s

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I remember when I was in Costa Rica in some hostel in the jungle. After showering I saw something black about 2 inches big in the corner, looked like it had died years ago.

I touched it with a little stick to see what it was. Then it suddenly kind of swung upen and run away and later under a shelf, putting me almost in cardiac arrest. It was a fucking scorpion that had molted half-way.

I never found it, safe to say I did not sleep very well... The only thing I was left with is a pic of that ugly fucker just before it disappeared.

[–]FUCKING_BUG_EXPERT 2 points3 points ago

Although scorpions do look like Satan's mass produced crotch spawn minions, I would say they really aren't as scary as wasps. Sure, a scorpion's prominent ass extension can make the manliest of men climb up the nearest furniture, but you have to get really close to get stuck. Scorpions have terrible eyesight and navigate almost exclusively by touch via setae and a set of pectines located on the underside which feel the ground as they walk.

Examples of asshole scorpion genus include Hadrurus, Leiurus, Buthus, Tityus, many containing species which will sting with little provocation, but scorpions will never, ever go out of their way to harm a human. Same goes for spiders; they just want to do their own thing.

Wasps, on the other hand, will gladly hunt you down and pursue for hundreds of feet beyond their nest to make sure you get the message (whatever the hell it is, sometimes it doesn't take much more than getting too close to the nest). Some studies have confirmed that wasps can accurately recognize faces of other members within their nest. Have you ever heard of someone being chased and stung by a group of angry scorpions? And why are lobsters suddenly so scary? They are fucking delicious.

[–]syrush 10 points11 points ago

I moved to New Mexico for a few years, first few times I saw a scorpion I freaked the fuck out, after about the tenth time I just stepped on it like it was any other pesky bug and moved on.

Side Note: Even though I am back in California, I still check my my shoes every morning, getting stung by one of those things is no joke.

[–]Pandajuicexx 4 points5 points ago

Not sure if I want to upvote for accuracy, or downvote for level of terrifying.

[–]petermlm 6 points7 points ago

Side vote for both.

[–]wanabeswordsman 2 points3 points ago

Tell my wife I said hello.

[–]truelikelihood 1 point2 points ago

just don't fuck with it and it will not fuck with you.

[–]pedalhead666 4 points5 points ago

who else can rock you like a hurricane?

[–]smixton 4 points5 points ago

[–]FudgeRoDuck 3 points4 points ago

I... I'm speechless.. I've been scarred for life.

[–]wkrausmann 2 points3 points ago

I look at scorpions and I sometimes wonder what evolution was trying to protect these guys from that made them so fucking deadly.

[–]LovesMustard 2 points3 points ago

I was expecting fucking scorpions.

[–]BnGamesReviews 4 points5 points ago

Yet they made excellent rock ballads.

[–]MerkyMerkinsmith -1 points0 points ago

MIRACLES!

[–]Eaglezzz 1 point2 points ago

I've never seen a scorpion in real life...

[–]DirtyPolecat 11 points12 points ago

Yeah I think they stopped touring a while back...

[–]caleb48kb 1 point2 points ago

No nightmares are made of ravens talking. Skip to the 4:40 or the end for some mismatched music with one of their voices. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZyBNWVD70w

[–]RayFinkle1984 1 point2 points ago

The only things I ever think about when I see a pic of a scorpion... Captain Murphy, Ben and Bebop Cola.

[–]hisdudeness87 1 point2 points ago

What's wrong with delicious lobsters?