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Ouch!!!! (imgur.com)
submitted 26 days ago by Stooooopido
[–]shun-16 392 points393 points394 points 26 days ago
I had a Venezuelan roommate when I was 19 and he had a pet tortoise, same size as that one maybe a little bigger. We just let it roam the house and that thing would sneak up on you - they move quicker than you'd expect, and it would bite your toes if you didn't have socks on. Not as hard as it could but it was always jarring to suddenly have a fuckin tortoise on your foot.
[–]monopixel 168 points169 points170 points 26 days ago
About that tortoise speed.
[–]Domer2012 113 points114 points115 points 26 days ago
Turtle =/= tortoise
[–]carbonxe 122 points123 points124 points 26 days ago
=/= != !=
[–]triplea20x 230 points231 points232 points 26 days ago
≠
Bitch
[–]Fool_In_The_Rain_ 20 points21 points22 points 26 days ago
(=/= != !=) == (=/= ≠ !=)
[–]kostiak 12 points13 points14 points 26 days ago
True
[–]TheInternetHivemind 12 points13 points14 points 26 days ago
1
[–]richard_mayhew 38 points39 points40 points 26 days ago
Not everyone programs, but most people do math.
[–]Garizondyly 8 points9 points10 points 26 days ago
I math. Do you math?
[–]AbsolutelyDoubtless 15 points16 points17 points 26 days ago
Bro, do you even math?
[–]Sentazar 5 points6 points7 points 26 days ago
;
[–]KTY_ 18 points19 points20 points 26 days ago
8===D
[–]Garizondyly 34 points35 points36 points 26 days ago
8D
:(
[–]Contero 15 points16 points17 points 26 days ago
Aww, it looks happy!
[–]k-volare 11 points12 points13 points 26 days ago
=/= = ≠ = !=
[–]z3dster 27 points28 points29 points 26 days ago
☭
/why? because unicode can
[–]Fergood 3 points4 points5 points 26 days ago
In soviet russia, keyboard unicodes you!
[–]NotJoeSuthers 3 points4 points5 points 26 days ago
Here's a video of an actual tortoise walking around a room. This one isn't incredibly fast, but I definitely didn't expect it to move as quickly as it did.
[–]annoying_dumb_guy 7 points8 points9 points 26 days ago
Someone gif this
[–]electric_zebra 19 points20 points21 points 26 days ago
Make it another of those "Hey guys, what's going on in this thread... NOPE." (scurries away)
[–]iCole 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
or ABANDON THREAD
[–]Randomdude1337 13 points14 points15 points 26 days ago
It's kind of funny at 0:18-19 ish when the tortoise lifts it front left foot. Somebody should edit some gibberish excuse-I'm-innocent talk up to that point and BOOM! It's gone ^
[–]R0xx0Rs-Mc0wNaGe 56 points57 points58 points 26 days ago
its a fucking turtle, the video even says its a turtle, how the fuck can you people not grasp the fact there are different species of animals? here have a picture of a fucking hippo http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AZPDfFd1C0I/T9J0Ns5t73I/AAAAAAAAAYc/vxL06DBh-AY/s1600/rhino-2.jpg
[–]macdoogles 32 points33 points34 points 26 days ago
Here's a picture of a rhino.
[–]babyMeerkat 44 points45 points46 points 26 days ago
here's a picture of my mom
[–]ANBU_Spectre 23 points24 points25 points 26 days ago
You've waited so long for this. It was destiny.
[–]hibernating_brain 10 points11 points12 points 26 days ago
Goddamnit 8.5MB? Someone give me a 'your mama is so fat' line!!
[–]itsactuallyapenis 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
Yo mama is so fat, that picture of her had to buffer.
[–]BranDaDon 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
You're Mamas so fat, I'm very concerned for her well-being and will be taking her to the gym...
[–]cyence 16 points17 points18 points 26 days ago
Lies. That hippo is not fucking anything.
[–]aprofondir 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
Dat aint a hippo nigguh
[–]buiwashere 10 points11 points12 points 26 days ago
Looks more like a geraffe
[–]triplea20x 3 points4 points5 points 26 days ago
Because they look kinda similar, and the first comment was about a tortoise
[–]R0xx0Rs-Mc0wNaGe 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
NOT GOOD ENOUGH! its a good pro homosexuality argument though.
[–]verdictseven 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
I can't believe I laughed so hard at that.
[–]embretr 5 points6 points7 points 26 days ago
Horses are so dumb
[–]DerpyCat 3 points4 points5 points 26 days ago
*long horses
[–]rogueman999 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.
[–]facepump 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago*
Haha was I the only one patiently waiting for something terrifying to happen :O
[–]fermi_sea 14 points15 points16 points 26 days ago
Turtles are assholes.
[–]-ass- 294 points295 points296 points 26 days ago
"spay and neuter your pets."
-Bob Barker (1923-2013)
[–]zordon_rages 215 points216 points217 points 26 days ago
I like how you have already foreseen his death next year
[–]jaroberts24 89 points90 points91 points 26 days ago
He's still alive?!
[–]redlion81 64 points65 points66 points 26 days ago
That guys has taken so much viagra he is just a walking stiff. Won't die till it all wears off.
[–]CatAstrophy11 32 points33 points34 points 26 days ago
He stays limber by visiting Adam Sandler regularly to give him a nice beatdown.
[–]T-REX_BONER 5 points6 points7 points 26 days ago
bitch!
[–]el-toro-loco 10 points11 points12 points 26 days ago
Rigor mortis has set in early
[–]SpermWhale 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
Advance rigor mortis.
[–]ScottyDaQ 7 points8 points9 points 26 days ago
/r/conspiracy/
[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 17 points18 points19 points 26 days ago
/r/oldage
[–]cs9001 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
/r/ttotm
[–]clm51193 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
WARNING ABOVE LINK IS NSFL
[–]skysignor 5 points6 points7 points 26 days ago
If he does die next year, you're gonna feel bad.
Then again your username is ass so maybe not
[–]Major_Butthurt 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
And weird friends, and relatives.
[–]Seabuscuit 125 points126 points127 points 26 days ago
Ahhhh hurts just to watch!!!
[–]TheHotpants 37 points38 points39 points 26 days ago
Link to the video
[–]Tim_Drake 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
The guys are jus begging to be bit!
[–]lallish 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
Most painful thing I've watched today.
[–]itsmyfourthaccount 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
This is NOT our tortoise, dog or balls.
[–]cheddarben 30 points31 points32 points 26 days ago
I couldn't help but gasp out loud in horror for that poor dog!
[–]MELSU 40 points41 points42 points 26 days ago*
More like:
Audible laugh.
Immediate sympathy.
[–]Morraj97 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
empathy
[–]CatAstrophy11 7 points8 points9 points 26 days ago
Poor dog? He was being a douche to that turtle.
[–]Rooonaldooo99 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
My balls retracted into my body and are now crying. Thanks for that OP.
[–]PromaneX 408 points409 points410 points 26 days ago
What kind of prick just sits there and films when they can see the dog is gonna get his sack munched?
[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 743 points744 points745 points 26 days ago
http://i.imgur.com/e1Wh2.jpg
[–]RedditWithoutReason 177 points178 points179 points 26 days ago
Fuck your watermark.
[–]LearnsSomethingNew 43 points44 points45 points 26 days ago
TELL ME HOW DID YOU DO THAT WIZARDRY?
[–]PRNDL 74 points75 points76 points 26 days ago
He purchased the picture.
[–]RedditWithoutReason 145 points146 points147 points 26 days ago
Fuck no. MS Paint.
[–]hemlockecho 12 points13 points14 points 26 days ago
You purchased MS Paint?
[–]DutchEEE 27 points28 points29 points 26 days ago
Impressive.
[–]SweetNeo85 106 points107 points108 points 26 days ago
Not really. It's a goddamn cartoon with like six colors.
[–]PilotH 142 points143 points144 points 26 days ago
You're a goddamn cartoon with six colors.
[–]SweetNeo85 56 points57 points58 points 26 days ago
Yeah well you're a towel.
[–]Anthony-Stark 20 points21 points22 points 26 days ago
16 colors FTFY
Also fuck you for making me count.
[–]Highlander113 3 points4 points5 points 26 days ago
/r/firstworldanarchists
[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 532 points533 points534 points 26 days ago
Wait, wait, wait... Even better.
[–]IIdsandsII 36 points37 points38 points 26 days ago
needs more scumbag steve hat
[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 334 points335 points336 points 26 days ago
http://i.imgur.com/tb8Cs.png
[–]moogoesthecat 67 points68 points69 points 26 days ago
Ah, Scumbag Lakitu.
I see potential.
[–]SunsFenix 7 points8 points9 points 26 days ago
Maybe it was one of the turtles he tossed so he could film it.
I wonder how many turtles can fit in that cloud?
[–]White_Luigi 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
There's only one in there at a time, him. He just poops them out as needed.
[–]ThrowawaySkrillex 22 points23 points24 points 26 days ago
No. No it doesn't.
Shut up.
[–]gary88 14 points15 points16 points 26 days ago
DAE me-mes?
[–]Never_Gonna_Give_You 10 points11 points12 points 26 days ago
*Le me-mes
[–]pfftYeahRight 10 points11 points12 points 26 days ago
LOL THE HAT IS MAKES IT FUNNY
[–]Hermeran 18 points19 points20 points 26 days ago
Needs a larger watermark.
[–]ninten 60 points61 points62 points 26 days ago
Why is it the owner's fault? That dog clearly should have been wearing pants.
[–]assumes 64 points65 points66 points 26 days ago
Yeah, if he wasn't dressed like such a slut this never would've happened.
[–]no-mad 12 points13 points14 points 26 days ago
That dog was naked. askin for it IMHO.
[–]TheMexicanTac0 7 points8 points9 points 26 days ago
Or a dick warmer.
[–]eat-your-corn-syrup 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
the dog was asking for it!
[–]BetaKeyTakeaway 8 points9 points10 points 26 days ago
This guy.
[–]DiarrheaGuzzler 26 points27 points28 points 26 days ago
Listen, you fucking fringe, if I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm walking, and I'll bite your fucking Jacobs off.
[–]codevii 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago
Goody gumdrops.
[–]nisk 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
Is this supposed to be an empathy test?
[–]codevii 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
What's a tortoise?
[–]Sirtet 34 points35 points36 points 26 days ago
Walking castrater, with defensive shell.
[–]overlordror 12 points13 points14 points 26 days ago
Somebody call Mike Rowe, we've got a new Dirty Job for him.
[–]RadicalSally 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
Actually he did castrate lambs once with his teeth.
[–]TrepanationBy45 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
One of those tough jobs that nobody wants.
[–]Woden1Eye 27 points28 points29 points 26 days ago
one of Aesop's lesser known fables
[–]Alexdale86 155 points156 points157 points 26 days ago
source: karmadecay
[–]cwcoleman 13 points14 points15 points 26 days ago
/r/NotaMethAddict ???
[–]SolKool 11 points12 points13 points 26 days ago
He circlejerks with himself.
[–]servohahn 25 points26 points27 points 26 days ago
It's only been on the front page 4 times already. That's practically OC by reddit's standards...
[–]epictoast11 -7 points-6 points-5 points 26 days ago
THANK YOU. OP is a reposting faggot.
[–]SweetNeo85 33 points34 points35 points 26 days ago
http://i.imgur.com/iGhVg.jpg
[–]sicklyfish 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Nah, I'm down.
[–]AmalgamatedMan 7 points8 points9 points 26 days ago
Reddiquette: Please don't complain about reposts. Just because you have seen it before doesn't mean everyone has.
[–]MAYBE_IM_NAKED 13 points14 points15 points 26 days ago
Source: Video
[–]inwardsinging 32 points33 points34 points 26 days ago
The dog's (and/or tortoise's) owner needs some sense smacked into them. Not only did they allow the dog to gnaw on the shell (which can cause some horrible wounds to the tortoise) they allowed the dog to be bitten as well. Horrible people.
[–]triplea20x 14 points15 points16 points 26 days ago
Maybe he thought the Dog and the Turtle needed to work out their issues like adults
[–]horrorfetish 10 points11 points12 points 26 days ago
As a reptile owner, most reptile owners are idiots. There's a group of us online who are respectful, responsible owners. But the average reptile owner that I have met doesn't understand the needs of their pet, keep it in a too small cage, feed them live rodents (a big danger for your pet, not just cruel to the rodents), and might even be the kind to play pranks on people who are afraid of reptiles, even though it can bring harm to their pets and to their prank victim.
As a reptile owner, shit like this infuriates me, but it also has kind of come to be expected.
( If everyone set up a cage like this for their lizards http://i.imgur.com/9100T.jpg when appropriate, then I'd be happy, haha. Featured, my skink's cage.)
[–]IrrelevantLeprechaun 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
I love how the owners are just standing around laughing their asses off while their dog gets his balls painfully munched on.
And when I say I love it, I really mean I hate it.
[–]Otaku_Son 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
Except they didn't stand around laughing their asses off; they put the camera down and went to check on the turtle.
[–]tlock8 14 points15 points16 points 26 days ago
Well that's one way to neuter a dog...
[–]sapper2345 9 points10 points11 points 26 days ago
Thats one ballsy turtle
[–]mattyrs500 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Teenage mutant neutering turtle
[–]THRU_THE_GLORY_HOLE 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
welcome to married life
[–]koerner 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
cross post this in /r/aww
[–]Nards-of-Doom 3 points4 points5 points 26 days ago
Seems that pup now suffers from a severe case...of shell shock. I'll see myself out.
[–]RecoveringRedditor 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
He was just trying to get him to come out of his shell.
[–]fredandlunchbox 6 points7 points8 points 26 days ago
Cards Against Humanity anyone?
[–]_____cadet 5 points6 points7 points 26 days ago
And the Academy Award® for [Just the tip] goes to [A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis].
[–]CatAstrophy11 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
.jpg 4gifs.com
.jpg
4gifs.com
[–]notsurewhatiam 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Wrong subreddit, unless this is r/WowThat'sFunny
[–]Snizzysnootz 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Thats nothin I've had a hyena bite my nuts..no big deal
[–]withholdthelaughing 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Cheap bastard... Neuter your dog at a vet for Christ's sake!!!
[–][deleted] 26 days ago
[deleted]
[–]ShadowAssassinQueef 4 points5 points6 points 26 days ago*
I have RES and I clicked the gif closed before what ever was about to happened. In my mine the turtle turned around and went on it's merry way.
Edit: mine = mind
[–]ReltihFlodaRerhuf 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Really? In my mine I have a bunch of gold veins. Gonna make a lot of money.
[–]stootboot -3 points-2 points-1 points 26 days ago
I keep count on the number of times this is reposted and i downvote it. 17.
[–]AmalgamatedMan 2 points3 points4 points 26 days ago
[–]TrepanationBy45 -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
You care too much about inconsequential pixels.
In ten years, you'll either still care, or not. Why not choose now?
[–]Twoflappylips -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
Damn that must be painful. Poor dog.
[–]mayanpaw 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
If that was a snapping turtle
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
What a bitch move.
[–]danmodernblacksmith 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
well, you leave them hanging around someone's gonna bite them (happens to me all the time)
[–]derrt_flirt 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
I was anticipating the whole time waiting for that .gif to load. Worth it.
[–]blinton 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
And that's for helping that dickhead hare...
[–]19800891 -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
Knew what was coming, couldn't watch.
[–]S-Katon 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
OOOOH, THE PAIN!
[–]clentz1129 -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
I call this "the friend zone."
[–]matt01ss 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Check out more at /r/babyturtlevs
[–]Waphlez 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Needs a loud CHOMP noise added.
[–]PaijeMaster 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Did the turtle survive?
[–]tubaswag 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
As a cat, even I feel his pain.
[–]i-liketurtles 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
I-liketurtles...
[–]jp_lolo 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
that was freaking painful to watch
[–]BigPic-865 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Why would you setup that situation? You wrong fo dat!
[–]Plume_Latraverse 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Damned snappy turtle !
[–]DrunkenPopTart 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
The worst thing is, you could totally see it coming.
[–]Eaders 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Silly dog, letting something get that close to its sac. Almost a Darwin award nomination. Almost.
[–]buyingaspaceship 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
fuck
[–]idunnothis -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
poor pooor dog! I wouldn't even wish that on Hitler.
[–]RoosterToAsclepius 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
All I could think of as the turtle's gaze slowly focused on the exposed ballsac was "oh no...oh no...oh no..."
[–]SolomonGrumpy 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
That dog - not so bright.
[–]Sydviciouz 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
I'm not even a dog and this makes me cringe.
[–]I_love_cat_tits 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Oh SNAP !
[–]fiftyfifth 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Stupid dog should evolve shell.
[–]onionpalac 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
It's funny seeing people complain about this being a repost. Not all of us live in Reddit. First time for me and I laugh louder at each reloop . . .
[–]gatubel 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Ain't that Bitch...
[–]cmart332 -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
Hey I'm doggy Knoxville and this snapping turtle is gonna snap my ball bag.
[–]aprofondir 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
I see Colby got a turtle friend. His bad luck is still with him though.
[–]ilm2112 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
As a turtle, I approve.
[–]manifes7o 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
My face the second I saw that dog's huge balls
[–]RicoX73 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Ball nibblers... don't trust them.
[–]gfunktastic 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS8UXVsIiP4
Youtube video of gif.
[–]LiLxSPOOZIE 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Damn
[–]WellBye 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
OP is the turtle
[–]bribo54 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
That's why I quit dating turtles.
[–]flyprdu 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
This week on "Ow, my balls!"
[–]413x820 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Those aren't the berries you're looking for.
[–]zhokar85 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
I think I saw that here a while ago. Like that gif? Click through the page. ;)
[–]amirborna 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
In a span of 1 second, I went " Eheehee-awww-thatsux"
[–]MegaSquishyMan 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
im not even the same species as that guy and i felt that pain
[–]BLAK_attack 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
That was a good fap...
[–]codevii 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
GODDAMN! That's one aggressive fucking tortoise!
Is it a Russian Tortoise?
[–]vinunleaded0301 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
OH GOD NOT THE SACK NOT THE SACK!
[–]apullin 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Meh, I've paid girls to do worse to my balls.
[–]FISHHHHHHHH 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Never fuck with a turtle
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 26 days ago
He was just removing ticks and fleas, like a true symbiote.
[–]EliaTheGiraffe 1 point2 points3 points 26 days ago
Ah yes, the mythical ball-snapping turtle.
[–]carbon-and-stuff 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Those aren't grapes!
[–]ElScreecho 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
Slow and steady wins the race...
[–]billofbong0 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
!!!!
[–]Latke-Larry 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
People, please! Spay and neuter your pets. If you don't, a snapping turtle may bite their balls.
[–]p4ssage 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
This is a pretty amazing video.
[–]MrMeowOfficial 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
you better watch out if you don't want your turtle's head ends up in your dog's belly
[–]theGreatHoward 0 points1 point2 points 26 days ago
That tortoise has balls!
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
π Rendered by PID 27094 on app-143 at 2013-01-22 09:33:12.177972+00:00 running f40af60.
[–]shun-16 392 points393 points394 points ago
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