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The most annoying person in Skyrim (imgur.com)

submitted ago by blemay417

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[–]wolfcub11 940 points941 points ago

Step 1-Become Thane of Whiterun.

Step 2- Murder him

Step 3- Tell guard you're a Thane of Whiterun

Step 4- "Ok, well don't do it again."

Mission Accomplished

[–][deleted] 570 points571 points ago

I feel the fact that you can only do this once is really absurd.

You pardon my mass murder spree the first time because I'm the thane, but god forbid I try to steal a cheese wheel a week later.

[–]undearius 336 points337 points ago

"You saved Tamriel, did you? That's great and all but you stole a sweet roll, so into the cell you go!"

[–]ILoveHate 352 points353 points ago

Honestly, this is the most just system ever devised by man.

[–]Nicoon 423 points424 points ago

Don't forget that it was a horse which reported you.

[–]skytro 157 points158 points ago

It was that chicken that did me in

[–]mygodhasabiggerdick 100 points101 points ago

Fuck one chicken in public...

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    [–]shityeahbro 115 points116 points ago

    "Who do you think you are?" I literally saved your entire world asshole, I can kill dragons without them knowing I'm there. I can disappear behind pebbles, I can kill you with my voice, I can summon the dead, but you get touchy about having my bow out in public? tl;dr - fuck you skyrim

    [–]Benislav 101 points102 points ago

    To be fair, if someone can kill dragons without being noticed, I'd be pretty nervous about them having a drawn weapon around me.

    In game it's annoying as hell, though.

    [–]CryAJagOnMe 20 points21 points ago

    I don't know that I would be very comforted seeing them with their weapon on their back either. Besides, who cares about the bow when you know they could literally kill you by speaking to you? Personally, I wouldn't call out or threaten that kind of man at all, weapon out or not.

    [–]kindabiglie 16 points17 points ago

    "HEY! PUT YOUR MOUTH AWAY!"

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          [–]Amunium 35 points36 points ago

          At least people don't kill you for touching their beds like in Morrowind, which you need to do to find out if it's unowned and you're allowed to sleep in it.

          I loved Morrowind, just not that part.

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            [–]Statutory_Apes 49 points50 points ago

            "So you can cast a few spells. Am I supposed to be impressed?"

            "Yes!! My destruction is maxed out!! If I wanted to I could burn this entire city to the ground by barely lifting my finger! Also, I'm the thane! I should have you executed for talking to me like that!"

            Is what I say every time I walk past a guard.

            [–]kapncobs 17 points18 points ago

            And then I go on a murdering spree of rage and have to reload a save.

            EVERY DAMN TIME A GUARD OR CHILD TALKS AT ME

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              [–]xscaralienx 23 points24 points ago

              you go to jail if you choose so. you see:

              they are following the law, no matter who you are you can't break it, but being the most powerful being in Skyrim, you can simply avoid going to jail by killing every single guard once you resist the arrest.

              [–]Kamikrazey 4 points5 points ago

              This is easy with a bow and jumping on roofs

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                [–]elperroborrachotoo[!] 28 points29 points ago

                But what for did you save us if our cheese wheels aren't safe?

                [–]CryAJagOnMe 9 points10 points ago

                Praise Talos for the LEEKS. Oh no, he's taking those too.

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                    [–]cody_au 91 points92 points ago

                    I've got kids to feed ...

                    [–]Xnfbqnav 102 points103 points ago

                    I've got bills to pay

                    [–]crazywallnuts 113 points114 points ago

                    There ain't nothing in this world for free

                    [–]cpljwlusmc 64 points65 points ago

                    Can't slow down

                    [–]Mister_Doc 57 points58 points ago

                    Can't hold back

                    [–]DelightfullyGangsta 50 points51 points ago

                    Even though I wish I could

                    [–]shadowofmeadow 295 points296 points ago

                    SO CALL ME MAYBE

                    [–]spider_on_the_wall 75 points76 points ago

                    Skillful finish. 9/10.

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                      [–]ericshogren 29 points30 points ago

                      I said there ain't no rest for the wicked.

                      [–]DelightfullyGangsta 23 points24 points ago

                      Until we close our eyes for good.

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                        [–]bob_blah_bob 32 points33 points ago

                        Knees weak, arms spaghetti.

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                                  [–]gorampardos 7 points8 points ago

                                  What, they don't like falafel?

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                                    [–]Wingser 32 points33 points ago

                                    Hi there!

                                    As someone that hates the individual in the picture above, I'd like to share this with you and others:

                                    1. Buy the spell called Fury(I believe you may buy it from the mage in Dragons Reach).

                                    2. Save your game

                                    3. Hide in the bushes near the steps behind and to the right of the statue he preaches at.

                                    4. Cast Fury upon that mother fucker.

                                    5. Watch as hilarity ensues(+1 if you can get him to attack that really old lady that walks around there).

                                    6. Reload and repeat 1-5 to your heart's content!

                                    As a fun bonus challenge, try to kill all of White Run in this manner.

                                    Or.. Just make a PUNCHCAT and beat the living shit out of ALL THE CITIZENS! \o/

                                    [–]ilski 17 points18 points ago

                                    Honestly, as guard I would be really pissed that i had to let you go for killing spree, only because you are some ass Thane. That cheese wheel week later would be too much for me. So yeah, fact that you can do this once totally makes sense to me.

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                                      [–]jfinneg1 109 points110 points ago

                                      Only reason I got the reverse pickpocket perk (poisoner I think ?) Grind Alchemy, Make awesome frenzy potion. Wait until day, drop some pricey shit in the middle of whiterun so everyone starts to come over and fight over it (including guards). Put frenzy potion in Nazeem's pocket. Then sit back and watch him attach guards and citizens and be dismantled. Finally, strip him naked and drag his body to the cloud district.

                                      [–]sharpie36 67 points68 points ago

                                      drop some pricey shit in the middle of whiterun so everyone starts to come over and fight over it (including guards)

                                      Does this seriously work?? I need to try this immediately...

                                      [–]evillozer 46 points47 points ago

                                      Yes. Sometimes people come up and say you dropped something and you can tell them to keep it.

                                      [–]ItamiOzanare 27 points28 points ago

                                      Do it in Riften. Mjoll will bust faces for trivial shit.

                                      It doesn't even have to be pricey. I dropped bounty letters.

                                      [–]CrackCC_Lurking 15 points16 points ago

                                      Really? Do people do that? I was always dropping stuff and I never saw anyone come to pick it up, much less fight over it.

                                      Hmm... Maybe I should give skirim another go, havent played it in a year or so.

                                      [–]RatzuCRRPG 25 points26 points ago

                                      I'll have you know there's no pussieeeeeee

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                                        [–]orcadus 78 points79 points ago

                                        haha, Mine was:
                                        1. Await Werewolf transformation quest
                                        2. Find and Maul
                                        3. Awake to no pants and no bounty

                                        [–]ConMan42 14 points15 points ago

                                        1. sneak far behind in daylight at level 2 2.shoot in butt with arrow 3.follow into secluded alley 4.kill him 5.steal clothes 6.go into his house and steal his sweetroll

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                                          [–]online222222 107 points108 points ago

                                          Step 1 - become werewolf

                                          Step 2 - eat him as a werewolf

                                          [–]codereign 158 points159 points ago

                                          That's weak-sauce.

                                          1. Pick pocket his house key
                                          2. Wait until 8PM
                                          3. Follow home
                                          4. Stealth assign in his house
                                          5. Place key back in his possessions.
                                          6. Raise fucker
                                          7. Walk his fucking ass to whatever secluded grave you'd like.
                                          8. Wait for his body to self cremate.

                                          [–]WeedNTaiChi 317 points318 points ago

                                          That's nothing.

                                          1. Pick pocket his house key
                                          2. Wait until 8PM
                                          3. Follow home
                                          4. Run into his wife
                                          5. Begin casual friendship with her
                                          6. Become good friends
                                          7. Begin to question her already shaky relationship with him
                                          8. Offer a shoulder to cry on in consolation of her failing marriage
                                          9. Convince her to have an affair
                                          10. Have her become pregnant with the dragonborn's child
                                          11. The two break up over the love child
                                          12. Send the Jarl a malicious letter on behalf of Nazeem
                                          13. He loses his job/position
                                          14. Go to the cloud district
                                          15. Dragonborn god mode that shit to smithereens
                                          16. Sneak into his house
                                          17. Steal ALL his sweet rolls
                                          18. As thane use your connections to get his house repossessed
                                          19. In his last bit of postage to his former home, Nazeem is informed that his beloved cloud district is no more
                                          20. He still is unaware that it was you who ruined his life
                                          21. Walk up to him and talk to him
                                          22. With his last few bits of sanity, he asks you if you've been to the cloud district before it was destroyed
                                          23. YES I'VE BEEN TO THE CLOUD DISTRICT, I DRAGONBORNED IT TO THE FUCKING GROUND, THEN I BANGED YOUR WIFE
                                          24. He begs you for death
                                          25. Spare him
                                          26. He lives the rest of his life as a hated poor man
                                          27. Walk to his little box or whatever when he's old
                                          28. Say a cool one liner
                                          29. Slaughter him

                                          [–]Speech500 103 points104 points ago

                                          And may I add to that?

                                          1. Put his soul in a soul stone

                                          2. Resurrect him using commands

                                          3. Pickpocket his own soul stone onto him so he can forever be tormented by the voices of his own harassed and livid spirit.

                                          [–]kerune 12 points13 points ago

                                          Addendum: soul stone him into a cheap dagger that you pawn for a few hundred gold. Then a shitty bandit gets to keep his soul forever.

                                          [–]TheSearcher165 62 points63 points ago

                                          Another one:

                                          1. Get the Wabbajack
                                          2. Go to Nazeem
                                          3. Save the game.
                                          4. Keep using the Wabbajack on Nazeem until he turns into a sweet roll, but make sure no one notices.
                                          5. Reverse-pickpocket the sweet roll into his wife's inventory.
                                          6. She will eventually eat the sweet roll and no one will ever know what happened to that annoying asshole from the Cloud district
                                          7. Enjoy your improved Whiterun!

                                          [–]Bobshayd 44 points45 points ago

                                          Seriously, fuck that pompous asshole.

                                          [–]barton26 73 points74 points ago

                                          10/10

                                          [–]Derpotron_9001 24 points25 points ago

                                          "Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't."

                                          Evil grin followed by beheading.

                                          [–]OtakuSoze 16 points17 points ago

                                          Mind if I add something else?

                                          1. Revive body with spell
                                          2. Wait until spell wears off. He disintergrates into ash.
                                          3. Collect ash and mix in with melted iron and corundum to make steel ingot infused with his ashes.
                                          4. Build your own house
                                          5. Add a main hall
                                          6. Add a cellar
                                          7. Add a shrine
                                          8. Use his Amulet of Talos, the steel ingot fused with ashes, dragon bone and dragon scale to make your own Shrine of Talos.
                                          9. Ironically pray to shrine

                                          [–]WowzersInMyTrowzers 12 points13 points ago

                                          The one liner: "Do make it up to the cloud district often?"

                                          [–]doomsdaydefense 20 points21 points ago

                                          http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/354/018/b57.gif

                                          [–]Chliki 15 points16 points ago

                                          That was... Terrifying.

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                                            [–]Good_Guy_Graig 49 points50 points ago

                                            Assign him what? We're missing a key element to this plan!

                                            [–]AMostOriginalUserNam 83 points84 points ago

                                            What the hell? This looks like english, yet clearly isn't.

                                            What does it mean to 'raise fucker'? As in to raise a child? To raise bread? To raise from one's grave?

                                            And you stealth assign his house? What does this mean? "I have assigned you a new office, Rogers, but I have done it... stealthily...." Or, "Oh sorry, I was assigned to a new class. But the teacher who assigned me was a ninja."

                                            Seriously, get your shit together.

                                            [–]Kyuuketsuki 28 points29 points ago

                                            I don't know about the rest but "raise" is pretty clearly a raise dead spell on him, what with step 8 and all.

                                            [–]jesustitties 26 points27 points ago

                                            To make it more clear:

                                            1. Pickpocket the character's house key.
                                            2. Wait until 8pm then follow him to his house.
                                            3. Assassinate the character.
                                            4. Place the key you previously picked back into his possessions.
                                            5. Use a raise undead spell to make him a zombie.
                                            6. Walk the character to a secluded area where he won't be found.
                                            7. Wait for the spell to wear off, as the body will disintegrate.

                                            I don't know why you would bother destroying and hiding the body though. Unless someone sees you do the murder, you won't get fined by the guards.

                                            [–]Xnfbqnav 50 points51 points ago

                                            Raise Undead.

                                            Assign = assassinate on an iPhone?

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                                                [–]Commander_Titan 14 points15 points ago

                                                No no no. Do companions quests. When you first become a werewolf, find him and kill him. How I did it was I said no at fist to drinking the blood then when it was day, drink and kill whoever you wanted and never be blamed for it.

                                                [–]SinProtocol 10 points11 points ago

                                                • step 1- become all powerful dragon born god of all the world
                                                • step 2- transcend to the realm of gods
                                                • step 3- find and kill talos
                                                • step 4- tell this maggot to stuff his face on an all you can eat buffet of daggers
                                                • step 5- rejoice

                                                [–]Nickster93 15 points16 points ago

                                                Or you can murder him and not get caught, that's what I did :D

                                                [–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

                                                Stealth, shoot him from afar. Worked for me in broad daylight

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                                                    [–]Makokatana 226 points227 points ago

                                                    Examples of possible solutions.

                                                    [–]ilikepie59 22 points23 points ago

                                                    I really thought that would be higher up.

                                                    [–]L7_weenie 16 points17 points ago

                                                    I came to find this video and upvote the beautiful person that posted it first. Upvotes all around! Also Gavin makes my insides happy.

                                                    [–]TLe92 40 points41 points ago

                                                    Geoff has the best laugh ever.

                                                    [–]Makokatana 11 points12 points ago

                                                    agreed.

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                                                      [–]Nicoon 19 points20 points ago

                                                      Replace his congregation with vegetables

                                                      I fail to see what's changed.

                                                      [–]Jumin 5 points6 points ago

                                                      The fact that you could then throw his congregation at him? Duh!

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                                                        [–]pauLo- 143 points144 points ago

                                                        Enjoy

                                                        [–]Oneinchpunch9 20 points21 points ago

                                                        The sense of anticipation in that video was only exceeded by the payoff.. a rare thing. Thankyou.

                                                        [–]sithjustgotreal 7 points8 points ago

                                                        French Heimskr...duuuude.

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                                                          [–]bloargh 173 points174 points ago

                                                          Me and Talos Priest having a peaceful chat on the nearby bench

                                                          [–]Linkruleshyrule 85 points86 points ago

                                                          You've got a little something... right there, on the back of your head. Oh well, it's probably nothing.

                                                          [–]Valgoroth 39 points40 points ago

                                                          Must've been the wind

                                                          [–]Acecicle 20 points21 points ago

                                                          It's probably your imagination

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                                                              [–]generallypositive 327 points328 points ago

                                                              My vote is Lydia. Every damn time I want to give her something, her response? A melodramatic, "I am sworn to carry your burdens". Like you'd even EXIST without me.

                                                              [–]Nictionary 182 points183 points ago

                                                              You should get a better follower, like J'zargo. That guys a bro.

                                                              [–]SimpleTwistofFate 143 points144 points ago

                                                              I love J'zargo but his habit of referring to himself in third person reminds me of a really sinister Bob Dole.

                                                              [–]SynisterBaconLord 92 points93 points ago

                                                              I fail to see the problem with this, I'd companion the FUCK outta sinister Bob Dole.

                                                              [–]ad_rizzle 12 points13 points ago

                                                              No way, he's got a gimpy hand! His carry weight would be very low.

                                                              [–]wafflecopter51 46 points47 points ago

                                                              Most Khajiit do that

                                                              [–]The7thTaco 74 points75 points ago

                                                              M'aiq does not know what you're talking about.

                                                              [–]Invalid_Entry 41 points42 points ago

                                                              You fucking liar!

                                                              [–]IDontHaveUsername 14 points15 points ago

                                                              "Some say m'aiq is a liar, M'aiq says don't believe everything people say"

                                                              boom! Head explodes

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                                                                [–]TunaCasserole 8 points9 points ago

                                                                Cat Bob Dole.

                                                                [–]Sansarasa 36 points37 points ago

                                                                I wouldn't call a character that conspired to kill you a "bro", personally.

                                                                For a Khajiit follower i prefer Kharjo from the nomad caravan. He's great as a tank if you're an Archer or the like.

                                                                [–]supersonicbacon 9 points10 points ago

                                                                Whenever lydia tries to tank for me she likes to catch my arrows, with the back of her head...

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                                                                  [–]nwar 30 points31 points ago

                                                                  J'zargo is fantastic just because instead of using firebolts to fight dragons, he'll beat them down with his mother fucking fists.

                                                                  [–]Nictionary 15 points16 points ago

                                                                  Yeah or sometimes he'll blast people with Sparks, which doesn't do much. Cool how it goes with his big ego about how good at magic he thinks he is.

                                                                  [–]sithjustgotreal 25 points26 points ago

                                                                  J'zarbro.

                                                                  [–]mastercoolkid 16 points17 points ago

                                                                  Yeah personality wise he's my favorite. Combat wise, Mjoll the Lioness. Game is glitched and she can't die.

                                                                  [–]ItamiOzanare 15 points16 points ago

                                                                  Not glitched. She's flagged as essential.

                                                                  [–]Sadonyoriik 12 points13 points ago

                                                                  If we're sharing favorites, mine is Serana. I think that she might actually be the best NPC in the game, not just the best follower.

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                                                                      [–]Schnoofles 48 points49 points ago

                                                                      She kind of grew on me. And I can't really fault her annoyed tone when I ask her to carry stuff. After all, she's worn to serve for the rest of her life, trained as a soldier and guard and the talent she's appreciated for? Being a packmule and carrying all the heavy crap we can't be bothered to carry ourselves (as is also lampshaded by Serana in Dawnguard). She's sort of justified in being moody from time to time.

                                                                      [–]SOMETHING_POTATO 8 points9 points ago

                                                                      Keep in mind she was appointed to me before I fucking changed the entire government of her capital city and she stayed with me.

                                                                      [–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

                                                                      Needless to say she was "accidentally" Fus-Roh-Dah'd off of High Hrothgar once or twice.

                                                                      [–]TheFunkyHobo 24 points25 points ago

                                                                      There's a mod to fix that.

                                                                      [–]CommentsOnOccasion 4 points5 points ago

                                                                      And the *Hearthfire expansion pack has an update for her dialogue.

                                                                      [–]blakenichols1500 11 points12 points ago

                                                                      I am sworn to carry your babies.

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                                                                          [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                          [–]generallypositive 15 points16 points ago

                                                                          I switched her for Aela the Huntress. I like having an archer companion because they don't get in my way when I run into battle.

                                                                          [–]Rockeh900 10 points11 points ago

                                                                          And Aela's a babe. Woof woof, if you know what I mean

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                                                                              [–]GunsOfThem 9 points10 points ago

                                                                              FUCK YOU TOO LYDIA, just let me carry our entire relationship. But no, I guess I'll keep these fucking plates.

                                                                              ::weeps::

                                                                              [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                              [–]johnwalker60 3 points4 points ago

                                                                              What if Lydia is just trying to make a joke, to lighten the mood?

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                                                                                [–]AISim 37 points38 points ago

                                                                                For every skull I find while playing I take it and drop it off in this guy's house. I've pretty much filled the whole place up.

                                                                                [–]herpendatderp 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                LOL he still has a house in your playthrough.

                                                                                [–]ElectronicFerret 111 points112 points ago

                                                                                WEEEEE ARE BUT MAGGOTS!

                                                                                [–]Laereom 86 points87 points ago

                                                                                WRITHING IN THE FILTH OF OUR OWN CORRUPTION

                                                                                [–]dannyrand 63 points64 points ago

                                                                                WHILE YOU HAVE ASCENDED FROM THE DUNG OF MORTALITY AND NOW WALK AMONG STARS!

                                                                                [–]Chervenko 73 points74 points ago

                                                                                AND THERE IT IS, FRIENDS! THE UGLY TRUTH. YOUR CHILDREN, HAVE ASCENDED FROM THE DUUUNG OF MAN, AND I ALONE HAVE BEEN ANNOINTED TO SPREAD MY ASS FOR YOU! FOR I LOVE YOU!

                                                                                [–]Brave_Coward 23 points24 points ago

                                                                                Breathe now! Embrace the power of tacos!

                                                                                [–]Mekrani 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                Shut up, will you?

                                                                                [–]Chervenko 17 points18 points ago

                                                                                LET ME SHOW YOU THE POWER OF MY ASS MAN

                                                                                [–]undearius 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                LOUD NOISES!

                                                                                [–]Serath62 20 points21 points ago

                                                                                WRITHING IN OUR FILTH!!!!

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                                                                                  [–]Mother_Fucking_Bread 31 points32 points ago

                                                                                  I love, LOVE, MOIST TOWELETTES!

                                                                                  [–]Fawful 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                  We'll bang, okay?

                                                                                  [–]OmarRodriguezLopez 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                  "Hmm. Interesting. But highly disturbing."

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                                                                                    [–]Admiral_Cornwallace 68 points69 points ago

                                                                                    Funny story, and one of my all-time favorites from Skyrim:

                                                                                    I hated this guy, so I pulled out my best bow, perched up on a nearby ledge behind him, and silently assassinated him with an arrow through the back of his neck. He fell face down into the water.

                                                                                    I went down to where the body was to check for loot, and at the exact same time I got there the town drunk showed up.

                                                                                    The drunk stumbled over, looked at the body, and then slurred out "people shouldn't just leave their trash lying around!" He then promptly stumbled away.

                                                                                    [–]diegotf30 262 points263 points ago

                                                                                    Clearly you haven't met the 'Cloud District' guy

                                                                                    [–]Zenaton 551 points552 points ago

                                                                                    He's just misunderstood

                                                                                    [–]rcavin1118 305 points306 points ago

                                                                                    So that whole time he was just hitting on my male orcish warrior?

                                                                                    [–]007JamesBond007 160 points161 points ago

                                                                                    Yes.

                                                                                    [–]Viatos 48 points49 points ago

                                                                                    "You're the fucking hottest Imperial lady in this town, Takh Gro-Arag."

                                                                                    "...I...am an Or-"

                                                                                    "Shhhhhhhhhhh. My sweet Dovahkiin. Don't spoil this with words. Do you get to the Cloud District often?"

                                                                                    ;)

                                                                                    [–]Malkav1379 72 points73 points ago

                                                                                    Who are we to judge?

                                                                                    [–][deleted] 80 points81 points ago

                                                                                    Reddit.

                                                                                    [–]GuardianReflex 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                    If fully believed, many people on Reddit have a Phd and Erathangology.

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                                                                                      [–]thebendavis 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                      Not that there's anything wrong with that...

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                                                                                        [–]cieltsd 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                        So, you're telling me that all those times I killed him, I should have been making sweet, sweet love to him? MFW ... no wait, I don't give a shit. Rest in pieces you motherfucker.

                                                                                        [–]aerodit 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                        Nazeem is also married lol. I wonder what his wife would think about that.

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                                                                                          [–]420wasabisnappin 56 points57 points ago

                                                                                          "I work for Belathor in the General Goods store."

                                                                                          [–]Manning119 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                          I know Sigurd, I heard you the 100th fucking time!

                                                                                          [–]Schmackadoodle 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                          that guy is obviously belethor's bitch

                                                                                          [–]xTROGD0Rx 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                          I named my character Sigurd after the old Norse dragon slayer and was devastated when I found that the name was already taken by some pussy shop assistant in Whiterun.

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                                                                                            [–]CoreOfSmores 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                            Hey this guy and the Talos dude is a treat compared to what we got in Oblivion. Just thinking of that putrid yellow coned hair makes me wanna puke.

                                                                                            [–]Team_Coco_13 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                            I pushed that guy off a cliff. Again. And again. And again.

                                                                                            [–]Xnfbqnav 17 points18 points ago

                                                                                            By Azura by Azura by Azura

                                                                                            [–]Littlebigdreams 87 points88 points ago

                                                                                            Do you get to see OP play Skyrim often? Oh what am I saying, of course you don't.

                                                                                            [–]Christemo 37 points38 points ago

                                                                                            It was totally worth going to jail to stab that guy. He got a good mouthful of Daedric Greatsword when no one was looking. Then i reloaded to use this mod against him

                                                                                            [–]Todd_the_Wraith 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                            /r/ofcourseyoudont request your presence

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                                                                                              [–]BrodyApproves 30 points31 points ago

                                                                                              That mother fucker is so high on himself. Just assumes "Oh who am I kidding? Of course you don't." Mother fucker please, I'm the Dragon-fucking-born.

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                                                                                                [–]HamQuestionMark 97 points98 points ago

                                                                                                I made sure to kill him when I first turned into a werewolf and rampaged around the town.

                                                                                                [–]BloodyLlama 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                                Came here to say this. It does marvels for making this game less annoying.

                                                                                                On the topic, after I got rid of my werewolf-ness, everybody in the game comments about how I smell like wet-dog. Is this supposed to happen, or did I get bugged and still have some werewolf flag set?

                                                                                                [–]kelseyleeanne 28 points29 points ago

                                                                                                They still continue to comment on it even if you're no longer a werewolf.

                                                                                                [–]SOMETIMES_I_GO_2_FAR 18 points19 points ago

                                                                                                I'm always having people say I look pale, sick, or smell like a werewolf. It may have something to do with being a vampiric, elven, werewolf, but its still annoying as hell.

                                                                                                [–]Rockblocked 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                This is supposed to happen!

                                                                                                [–]Frisbeehead 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                People will say that to you for as long as you have the werewolf disease, even if you aren't transformed into one

                                                                                                [–]bulletbillx 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                http://gaming.stackexchange.com/questions/87060/how-do-i-stop-smelling-like-a-wet-dog

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                                                                                                    [–]Muffinkingrex 62 points63 points ago

                                                                                                    I love this guy. He sets the tone for a lot of what's about to go down in that game.

                                                                                                    [–]balathustrius 47 points48 points ago

                                                                                                    I thought he also had some of the most believable voice acting.

                                                                                                    [–]pluckydame 22 points23 points ago

                                                                                                    "I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you."

                                                                                                    He sort of starts chewing on the scenery around this line.

                                                                                                    [–]balathustrius 29 points30 points ago

                                                                                                    Nah, he pretty much nailed "religious fervor." At least to an ear trained by Southern Baptists.

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                                                                                                      [–]Blusteel 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                                      "Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVESSSSSSS??

                                                                                                      [–]Mastrmindr 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                                      He doesn't bother me so much. The punk kid telling me I'm there to lick his dads boots, that motherfucker needs to die.

                                                                                                      [–]egothard 120 points121 points ago

                                                                                                      That guy is fighting for what he believes in, despite persecution by Imperials. Much respect for old Heimskr.

                                                                                                      [–]canucksbro 35 points36 points ago

                                                                                                      The Imperials don't really give a shit, mostly just the Thalmor who, at the time, happen to be not enemies with the Empire so they can freely persecute Thalos worship and get nice and embedded in Empire territory before they attack...

                                                                                                      ...when will there be an Empire vs. Thalmor DLC

                                                                                                      [–]cuddles_the_destroye 30 points31 points ago

                                                                                                      Empire v. Thalmor? Why not Everyone Else v. Thalmor?

                                                                                                      [–]MeteorPhoenix 20 points21 points ago

                                                                                                      Probably because Hammerfell hates the Empire only a bit less than they hate the Thalmor. And the Argonians are opportunistic, reclusive dicks.

                                                                                                      "What's that? Problems in the Empire? Let's secede and take half of Morrowind!"

                                                                                                      [–]Gerka 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                      Yes clearly the argonians are the jerks for ransacking morrowind. Lets just forget about the years of persecution and slavery at the hands of the dunmer.

                                                                                                      [–]MeteorPhoenix 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                                      We have Nazi Elves in the southwest that want to unmake the world. This is really not the time.

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                                                                                                            [–]batman_lives 73 points74 points ago

                                                                                                            Kill him, at night with a bow while sneaking.

                                                                                                            [–]bitch_im_a_lion 33 points34 points ago

                                                                                                            Or just decapitate him and spend a night in jail. No real consequences other than losing any stolen items you may have and possibly some lost progress on a few skills.

                                                                                                            [–]TThor 154 points155 points ago

                                                                                                            Guard: "Well technically the penalty for murder is death, but we all kinda hated the guy, so just spend the night in the jail cell."

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                                                                                                            [–]KeavesSharpi 28 points29 points ago

                                                                                                            can I really do that? I thought he preached 24/7...

                                                                                                            [–]BaronOshawott 104 points105 points ago

                                                                                                            It's a rare occurence but he does sleep. I've seen this motherfucker yelling about Talos at 3am while nobody is around.

                                                                                                            [–]BoerboelFace 50 points51 points ago

                                                                                                            well, You saw him. Talos put him there for you.

                                                                                                            [–]KeavesSharpi 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                            new challenge unlocked!

                                                                                                            [–]Tabdelineated 56 points57 points ago

                                                                                                            I did that. Then I stole anything worth taking on the way out.
                                                                                                            Three days later I get attacked by thugs in the forest. One of them had a note from Heimskr about getting revenge for me stealing his stuff.
                                                                                                            How a dead guy hired thugs, I'll never know.

                                                                                                            [–]terriblehuman 72 points73 points ago

                                                                                                            TALOS BE PRAISED!

                                                                                                            [–]Tabdelineated 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                            I LOVE, LOVE MOIST TOWELETTES

                                                                                                            [–]PaplooTheEwok 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                            Talos works in mysterious ways...

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                                                                                                              [–]excess5 23 points24 points ago

                                                                                                              Or frenzy him while sneaking. Max Illusion and Sneak is the best for causing mass havoc in towns.

                                                                                                              [–]BoerboelFace 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                                              Gunna go start a "Shadow Mage" now.

                                                                                                              [–]Vanelar 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                              This. Frenzy is the most useful spell for The Dark Brotherhood missions and getting rid of annoying NPCs.

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                                                                                                                [–]Macg85 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                                                I was playing a few days ago and looked around for him and realized I had killed him on all three of my characters. Kinda missed him.

                                                                                                                [–]Jerdana 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                I "killed" him with the Wabbajack in broad daylight. When I shot him with it, he went insane and attacked everyone, so I sat back and watched the guards take care of him. Then I dumped his body in Dragon Keep's moat.

                                                                                                                [–]Bonejunky 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                                I did this with lv. 100 Sneak, no one able to see me even after I killed the guy, and guards still attacked me. :(

                                                                                                                [–]CoffeeFox 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                                                Yeah, murdering people outside in cities always seems to have witnesses to incriminate you, even if nobody sees it.

                                                                                                                [–]cozzbp 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                                                Animals can witness murders. You gotta off that damn cow that's running away.

                                                                                                                [–]MineTurtle 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                                Damn chickens

                                                                                                                [–]420wasabisnappin 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                                why must we get in trouble for offing the chickens?

                                                                                                                [–]strills 44 points45 points ago

                                                                                                                November 11 2011. First thing I do freely in Skyrim is die because I killed that fucking Riverwood chicken.

                                                                                                                [–]rnally 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                                You and several million others.

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                                                                                                                      [–]nwm141 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                                                      Belethor's sassy "Do come back" makes my blood boil.

                                                                                                                      [–]utopianfiat 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                                      Is there a mod that will replace the Talos preacher's dialogue with Billy Mays pitches?

                                                                                                                      [–]faiek 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                                                      Still not as annoying as the priest in Megaton

                                                                                                                      [–]kingwolfos 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                                                      Mass Effect

                                                                                                                      [–]Seriwanabuckulamian 18 points19 points ago

                                                                                                                      Was it just me that read "YALL MOTHER FUCKERS NEED TACOS"

                                                                                                                      [–]thuderroar 18 points19 points ago

                                                                                                                      Someone needs to make a mod to give him about a few hundred unique lines that are all hilarious.

                                                                                                                      [–]sithjustgotreal 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                      Someone make a mod were Heimskr does stand-up routines!

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                                                                                                                        [–]chiefroaringpeacock 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                        Upvote for the humorous rephrasing, but he is most certainly not the most annoying person in skyrim.

                                                                                                                        [–]lunertexcosmo 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                        Maybe I'm just a noob at Skyrim, but anyone else find it bizarre that he wasn't ever killed or arrested for preaching Talos out in the middle of the city? Wouldn't the Empire disapprove of that?

                                                                                                                        [–]_Kubes 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                        Clearly You all haven't met Cicero

                                                                                                                        [–]Bradel23 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                        I remember accidentally decapitating that guy while attempting to put a pot on his head. Good times.

                                                                                                                        [–]Kyllenios 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                        For some reason I only seem to pass him while he's screaming, "Your very liiiiives?!"

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