1980
1981

I fear neither death nor pain (X-Post /r/onetruegod) (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by BeatlesHaveTheTARDIS

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[–]Saintdemon 96 points97 points ago

Fun fact: Nicolas Cage was actually offered the role of Aragorn.

[–]stillnotking 22 points23 points ago

The really disturbing fact is that Stuart Townsend was cast and actually shot a few scenes, before being fired for being a tit. I seriously can't imagine what the films would have been like with Stuart fucking Townsend.

[–]ngregge 27 points28 points ago

I don't actually know who Stuart Townsend is, and as it turns out the first Stuart my brain defaults to is Stuart Little. Stuart Little as Aragorn. I'd probably go to see that.

[–]Troo 25 points26 points ago

Well, then you would just have Redwall.

[–]imbignate 8 points9 points ago

FOR THE BADGER LORD!

EEEUUULAAALIIIAAAAAAAAAAAA!

edit: relevant xkcd

[–]boostabubba 5 points6 points ago

LOGALOGALOGALOGALOGA!!!!

[–]kralcrednaxela 5 points6 points ago

those damn books always made me hungry

[–]KingToasty 5 points6 points ago

Not true, Redwall doesn't have the legendary ancient swor- holy shit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

As a grown man I would never read one of those on a slow weekend day or anything......

[–]ngregge -1 points0 points ago

I don't know what that is either

[–]bleeding_dying_love 0 points1 point ago

played Lestat in Queen of the damned

[–]Doodle_strudel 0 points1 point ago

I thought Lestat was in Diary of a Vampire...

EDIT: I meant Interview with a Vampire, not Diary...It's been awhile.

[–]bleeding_dying_love 0 points1 point ago

.....Lestat de Lioncourt is a character from Anne Rice's Vampire chronicles book series.... -.-

[–]Doodle_strudel 0 points1 point ago

Sooooo....yes.

[–]ATomatoAmI 0 points1 point ago

No. The point was that Stuart Townsend was in QotD in a particular role. The fact that the same character was in another movie is irrelevant.

It's like mentioning Harrison Ford or Ben Affleck as Jack Ryan in Patriot Games of The Sum of All Fears and going "but I thought Jack Ryan was in The Hunt for Red October". It's technically true but misses the point of the conversation. Saying "but it's the same character" doesn't change that.

Edit: autocorrect. Thumbs and phones and things.

[–]Doodle_strudel 0 points1 point ago

OH! I feel so stupid. QotD was so different didn't realize it was the same character. But I understand now.

[–]bleeding_dying_love 0 points1 point ago

its not the same character? same actor maybe, but not the character....Lestat is the character. Stuart Townsend is the actor....

[–]vintermann 0 points1 point ago

Mouse Guard live action?

[–]bstampl1 0 points1 point ago

This is the first Stuart I thought of.

[–]Kinetic_Waffle 2 points3 points ago

Oh please fuck no. Better the Cage than that.

[–]Madeleine227 2 points3 points ago

I cannot imagine Stuart Townsend as anything but a toff. The thought of him playing Aragorn is just god awful.

[–]Late_Night_Grumbler 3 points4 points ago

How does that work, though? Does he still get paid? You can't just take someone on, and then fire them once they're on scene in New Zealand or something.

[–]KingofCraigland 3 points4 points ago

His contract probably contained contingencies to cover such problems. He was probably paid for the amount of work he actually did.

[–]Turdcervix 1 point2 points ago

Wikipedia says he wasn't paid at all.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuart_Townsend

[–]angrydeuce 66 points67 points ago

Thank fuck he didn't accept...

[–]Hesho95 3 points4 points ago

I don't get why everyone hates the guy so much. I really like a bunch of movies he's in. Can someone explain please?

[–]senbei616 44 points45 points ago

He has no standards. If it pays well enough he'll play that role even if it's a role he can't realistically pull off. Which leads to the "If you throw enough shit at the wall one will eventually stick" phenomena that keeps him relevant.

He also has an odd face.

[–]pseudolobster 7 points8 points ago

Apparently he's been having hard times financially. He owes so much he had to sell his comic book collection, including an original Action Comics #1, which is the first issue of Superman and worth tens of thousands of dollars.

Apparently this was caused by a bad divorce that drained all the rest of his money. That's why for the past 5-10 years he's been accepting every role he's ever offered. Kinda sad actually.

[–]gradivus22 8 points9 points ago

He is really terrible with money. You dont get $5mil a movie, 3 times a year for two decades and STILL be broke without doing something terribly wrong.

[–]patmcdoughnut 2 points3 points ago

I thought it was because he bought that castle

[–]Hesho95 0 points1 point ago

Maybe. But isn't that something most actors have to go through at one point?

[–]Lil_Druid 9 points10 points ago

at one point?

These are the key words here.

Edit* Don't get me wrong I love watching his movies just because most of them are so hilariously absurd but I mean c'mon, ya have to admit...

[–]Hesho95 0 points1 point ago

I guess... Maybe I've just seen his good movies and not his bad ones.

[–]Lil_Druid 1 point2 points ago

I haven't seen a huge amount of his movies, but even ones that are "decent" or "alright" that I've seen still have some... "what?" moments in them, most often in regards to his acting.

[–]Hesho95 5 points6 points ago

Well, I liked him in The Rock. He seemed to work really well with Sean Connery. Also, his acting in Kick Ass was nothing to complain about. My point is, he's not an amazing actor, but some of the movies he's in are better with him in them. Am I making any sense here?

EDIT: Also, in FaceOff. John Travolta and Nicolas Cage made a great team in that movie.

[–]TheUnknownFactor 1 point2 points ago

Point in case, reddit arbitrarily likes and dislikes many things. Sometimes these things change, but usually they don't.

Since someone will surely come about and claim reddit is not a person. Sure it's not, but many redditors still make comments based on whether or not it matches the current popular opinion- or rather, don't post things that would hurt their karma.

I also thought he was great in the Rock and Face Off, he was also fantastic in lord of war. I think people mostly dislike him because he effectively has 1 face and plays almost the same "person" in every movie.

[–]angrydeuce 6 points7 points ago

May it please the court, I'd like to submit for the record Exhibit A.

[–]Hesho95 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit, that was hilarious! I don't think I've seen any of those movies, though.

[–]gradivus22 0 points1 point ago

The man is an incredible actor, really one of the best, its just he takes anything they throw at him so his good/bad ratio is wider than most. His good roles are incredible and above what almost anyone else can pull off.

[–]Bedeone 3 points4 points ago

Because the Nicolas 'Rage' Cage video would be another 40 seconds longer after the Hobbits get stolen by the Uruk-hai.

[–]Brimmk 1 point2 points ago

/r/onetruegod

[–]aDarkerKnight 2 points3 points ago

I was actually hoping OP knew this. It's what made me laugh in the first place.

[–]17Hongo 1 point2 points ago

That's what makes this all too real for me. Dear god I am glad he didn't take that role - aside from the fact that he would never have been a good Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen was poured into that role.

[–]EwThatsNerdy 0 points1 point ago

Funner Fact (Shut up): Nicholas Cage was also going to play Superman, with mullet, in a Kevin Smith/Tim Burton reboot that never saw the light of day.

[–]JesseCuster40 22 points23 points ago

For a second there, I thought she was indeed holding an AK-47.

[–]Ethosia 4 points5 points ago

I swore it was an M16.

[–]sirmonko 5 points6 points ago

by the look of it it's not even an original dwarven AK, probably a cheap, unlicensed knock off assembled in mordor. still, top price/efficiency and works like a charm, even when dirty.

[–]sirmonko 2 points3 points ago

no wonder she doesn't fear death nor pain - the orcs bring swords to gunfights.

[–]arsenalfc4 9 points10 points ago

Reminded of The Hound

[–]thisissamsaxton 11 points12 points ago

Quite a coincidence.

[–]ngregge 3 points4 points ago

May have been deliberate, along the lines of, as someone once tried to convince me, Boromir's "Still sharp" line being a reference to Sean Bean's long running role as Sharpe.

[–]hydro_wonk 6 points7 points ago

TIL: Nicolas Cage with Viggo Mortensen hair looks like Chad Kroeger.

[–]LaterGatorPlayer 0 points1 point ago

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together'

[–]Init_4_the_downvotes 6 points7 points ago

You see it's funny because Nicolas Cage was supposed to be Aragon but he turned it down because he didn't want to move for 4 years in the filming process.

[–]Hoahdog 0 points1 point ago

Dat username

[–]BeatlesHaveTheTARDIS[S] 1 point2 points ago

Thanks. :D

[–]Hoahdog 1 point2 points ago

The TARDIS shall never die

[–]BCJRW 0 points1 point ago

I want to make another account to upvote this again.

[–]ImaSquiddie -1 points0 points ago

Took me too long to realise...

[–]lambs0623 1 point2 points ago

Lol. He looks like Luke Wilson with that hair!

[–]bheklilr 1 point2 points ago

I didn't read the title before I looked at this, so it really caught me off guard.

[–]Mavido 0 points1 point ago

Wasn't this on the front page, last night?

[–]distinctvagueness 1 point2 points ago

I am friends with OP and the image was created yesterday. It reached the top of onetruegod and was crossposted to funny. If someone else crossposted it first we didn't see that.

[–]BeatlesHaveTheTARDIS[S] 0 points1 point ago

What he says is true.

[–]goldman60 1 point2 points ago

I am also friends with OP and can verify this

[–]IamLeven 0 points1 point ago

Based god has his own subreddit?

[–]BeatlesHaveTheTARDIS[S] 1 point2 points ago

Why yes. It is a glorious place.

[–]IamLeven 1 point2 points ago

Thank you Based God

[–]kuhlguymccabe 0 points1 point ago

Oooo I get it now.

[–]JellyfishJamming 1 point2 points ago

My only regret is that I have but one upvote to give.

[–]Majil229 0 points1 point ago

Okay, I hate nick cage but that shop got a chuckle out of me. Well done, good sir, well done.

[–]cutthecrap 1 point2 points ago

I just upvoted for your userame. But the joke was good.

[–]BeatlesHaveTheTARDIS[S] 1 point2 points ago

I am glad that you enjoyed my username, good sir.

[–]Sanyle 1 point2 points ago

I giggled like a girl at this in class and everybody looked at me. Its so fucking funny!

[–]unpredictable_me 1 point2 points ago

goddamnit man, this was excellant

[–]stephanieisanerd 1 point2 points ago

This actually made me laugh. Karma for you.

[–]AliasUndercover 0 points1 point ago

Bah Dum. Chink.

[–]fractal7 0 points1 point ago

I didn't even notice the final image was a shop till I read a post saying it was. Kinda ruined what the op was trying to say.

[–]adzug -1 points0 points ago

death is one thing but fear pain. lets hook up the car battery to your nuts and see the lack of fear. fuck that pain is something to fear.

[–]sirmonko 0 points1 point ago

but she's female*! no nuts!

* as in woman. you know, boobs, vagina, ovaries, birth canal &tc &tc. no testes, no penis, no chest hair.

[–]Gladix -3 points-2 points ago

does She holding a rifle :D

[–]sirmonko 2 points3 points ago

yes she being Does a folly automatic gun maiden :D

[–]Gladix 0 points1 point ago

justm I cannot unsee this :D

[–]Bobdor 2 points3 points ago

Wat?

[–]Dagus_Prophet 8 points9 points ago

The gentleman inquired as to whether did the lady a rifle hold.

[–]Bobdor 1 point2 points ago

OOOOH. now I feel like an idiot. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

[–]Dansup_ -2 points-1 points ago

Lol'd hard.