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[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]LeCrushinator 19 points20 points ago

Yea, all the comments here about how he should've know the horse was angry are ridiculous. What percentage of people spend any time around horses, let alone know what mood the horse is in by looking at it?

[–]mermadon 55 points56 points ago

I think the important point is, that if he wanted to interact with wild animals, he should have some clue about what to do.

[–]LeCrushinator 12 points13 points ago

That much is definitely true.

[–]fortuitous5 715 points716 points ago

Before you approach wild creatures, you might want to learn what they look like when they're pissed off. When a horse has its ears pinned back, do not try to pet it.

[–]mattfasken 1000 points1001 points ago

Exactly. And don't look a GIF horse in the mouth.

[–]ACapulong 58 points59 points ago

This pun made my day.

[–]tjdziuba 10 points11 points ago

I ....

um...

oh wow.

[–]crawphish 3 points4 points ago

Im going to need someone to explain that pun for me...

[–]mattfasken 15 points16 points ago

Sounds a bit like a proverb.

[–]crawphish 4 points5 points ago

Ah, Ive never heard that before. Thanks :)

[–]NonaSuomi 184 points185 points ago

That goes for most any animal. Ears back is pretty universal in nature for "I'm freaking out, leave me the fuck alone!"

[–]eyecite 215 points216 points ago

"It makes me more aerodynamic when I fight!"

[–]wolf3r 29 points30 points ago

I read "flight", and it still made sense!

[–]Aths 15 points16 points ago

Our dog, a mixed breed between East Siberian Lajka and Huskey, puts her ears back when she's happy and being petted, so there you better watch the tail. =)

[–]lizzindc 6 points7 points ago

My friend's dog (pit/lab/dane) puts his bat ears down right before he licks your face off, if he's getting petted, if he's playing, etc. I wonder if dogs are the exception?

[–]ARoyaleWithCheese 11 points12 points ago

No, they aren't. You can't judge the state of an animal based upon just one characteristic. Dogs (and all other animals) have many ways to indicated many different things.

[–]lizzindc 2 points3 points ago

I know that, I was just making a small joke that fell flat. the dog I mentioned before actually has a fear/warning signal that is ears-back but super tight, versus the relaxed ears-back for playtime. If you include that with the tail, the shoulders, spine etc, you get a clear picture of his emotions.

[–]Rosalee 49 points50 points ago

Here's an exception to the ears back theory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGinm6KIC4Q

[–]Jaynabird 29 points30 points ago

Llama was cool until dude in the white shirt walked past him without even greeting him. "You think you're better than me?!" thinks the llama. "We have about a case of beer left, so... (random calculations). "Hey! Hey bro! Fuck you!" Llama yells angrily. "Get out of my yard you jerk!"

[–]akatherder 71 points72 points ago

I got kicked out of the Detroit Zoo for arguing with a llama. It might have been an alpaca. I was, unsurprisingly, drunk. I wasn't even doing anything and he spit at me. That's some racist shit right there.

[–]sutibun 20 points21 points ago

When I was little I went to a walk around zoo with my family. Where most of the animals are walking around. Some llamas were in a cage and one mother llama spit on the back of a baby llamas head and it was so massive that it sprayed outward and nailed my sister. Fucking classic.

[–]FindingIt 14 points15 points ago

It was a llama. Alpacas are very progressive animals. I once saw a llama in KKK garb. Or maybe it was the other way around.

[–]beef_boolean 17 points18 points ago

A KKK in llama garb?

[–]I_Fuck_Whales 7 points8 points ago

Fuckin' love the Detroit Zoo. The polar bears are cool as fuck.

[–]putin_my_ass 13 points14 points ago

Really? Seems like you would enjoy Marineland more...

[–]BreSput 15 points16 points ago

I love how they told him don't turn your back to it, so he proceeded to make sure he always had his back facing it for as long as possible.

[–]Rosalee 0 points1 point ago

haha ye I guess reason deserted him at that moment.

[–]pkScary 8 points9 points ago

lol, that llama was trying to mate though, not attack

[–]Rosalee 3 points4 points ago

so that's why the guy ran away

[–]Atmaweapon74 2 points3 points ago

Came here to say this. It definitely wasn't try to bite him... that fucker was trying to hop up and mount that dude.

[–]the_peach_pit 7 points8 points ago

Never dropped his beer

[–]s4ms3milia 1 point2 points ago

That was hilarious, I almost burst out laughing in class.

[–]Rosalee 1 point2 points ago

Yes especially when someone shouted out to him to lay down.

[–]mypetridish 5 points6 points ago

me too... ears all pinned to the back and all.... man I wish we have more than just our faces to tell if someone is angry

[–]Nonchalant_Elephant 5 points6 points ago

Not for me. See me with my big ass ears out and flapping and you better watch yourself! I don't usual care enough to get mad though

[–]dorei22 177 points178 points ago

Also he held his arm out weirdly as if he thought it would lick his arm like a dog or something. Arms down at your sides people. Lots of calm but confident chatting, be bossy. Don't reach for the face, let it approach you, watch for ears forward, tail lowered, no head shaking. Always have treats.

I think this poor fellow hadn't been around horses before. Shame he got bit, that looked painful, but thank god the horse was just irritated, it could have killed him.

[–]notjawn 214 points215 points ago

Don't approach wild horses period.

[–]Cacafuego 18 points19 points ago

Even tame horses are sneaky bastards who are more concerned about their social status than your well-being. Lovely creatures, though. Like high school girls.

[–]dj3v3n 47 points48 points ago

Or Wyld Stallyns

[–]pandorazboxx 18 points19 points ago

Station!

[–]movieseeker123 32 points33 points ago

Don't approach wild horses on period.

[–]moparornocar 52 points53 points ago

No that's sharks.

[–]Bit_Chewy 101 points102 points ago

Don't approach wild horses on sharks.

[–]TheYe 31 points32 points ago

Stay inside. The world outside is dangerous and full of horses and sharks.

[–]streetpeople 2 points3 points ago

I thought it was bears?

[–]borbus 10 points11 points ago

You should offer your hand to a horse so it can smell it if it wants without getting too close to you. Their muzzles are soft as well and their bottom lips are funny so you can get all your petting done there.

Always remember to stand up straight too and don't let children run around them. They hate small things close to the ground. They will bolt but they might bolt in your direction and kill you. Never underestimate a ton of muscle.

[–]TwistedNinja 4 points5 points ago

As someone who has been knocked ten feet backward by a horse that was only trying to get away and bumped me on its way past, I can confirm that you never underestimate a ton of muscle. Luckily, I was only stunned.

[–]universalradio 4 points5 points ago

Do not offer your hand to a strange horse. Even if it has food in it. I once got my hand bitten because I was holding a chocolate chip muffin and walked past a horse in a stall.

[–]bluedanieru 3 points4 points ago

When I was four a pony at a county fair bit my right tit (I had cotton candy earlier) and lifted me off the fucking ground. That was the day I learned about terror.

To this day horses scare me a bit. Not pathologically so, but I have a healthy respect for them. Really healthy. Works out every day. Lifts. Lot's of Omega-3 fatty acids and insoluble fiber.

[–]borbus 1 point2 points ago

You have to hold your hand really flat so that the fingers won't get caught in its lips. They don't want to bite you, but your fingers are tiny compared to their mouth. Don't ever let a child feed a horse. A well behaved pony is better.

[–]SpaceMonkeyRage 8 points9 points ago

When feeding said treats keep a flat open palm

[–]Bladelink 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I think the rules of appearing non-threatening apply almost universally.

[–]TheJack38 1 point2 points ago

Thanks for the crashcourse in "how to horse" if I ever see one. Horses are beautiful animals, but I really don't want to piss them off xD

[–]zirfeld 58 points59 points ago

Excellent answer. And not only wild animals. I see all those videos here with funny cats and dogs and most of them are just panicking or are paralyzed with fear. When a dog shows you his teeth, he is not happy. When a cat has a hump it's in full defense mode. And most of all: They are confused as hell, because they do not understand what their humans wnat from them.

[–]RumpleJoskin 14 points15 points ago

This is why I started to hate AFV. Oh you have a rat dog showing its teeth as you continue to piss it off. Hilarious

[–]Thinks_Reddit_Is_RPG 5 points6 points ago

I've always felt the same way about those types of videos. If that dog was 10x larger, we'd be scared shitless if it was doing that. The only difference is that those dogs are powerless against us, so people find it funny when they get mad. That's finding enjoyment in your power over something else. It is just a step above sadism.

I know what I just said sounds crazy, but when you really think about what is happening, I really don't think it is crazy at all. Seeing an animal mad at you, knowing it is mad, and then responding by laughing and trying to piss it off more because you know it can't harm you, is nearly sadistic.

[–]bwrap 1 point2 points ago

Yeah but if it doesn't weigh 30+lbs it's not a dog, it's just a large disguised rat

[–]Nerfi 12 points13 points ago

Seriously, this^ How would you feel if a bunch of 20 foot tall aliens were making strange gestures, staring, and laughing at you? Fucking monkeys.

[–]TripKidd 17 points18 points ago

Agreed. They are more aware than we think.

Story time - several years ago I was in bed after having just woken up, when my cat decides to leap up on top of my computer case to see out the window. Well, what Kitty didn't realize was that I had cut a hole in the top of the case for a fan the previous day, but hadn't gotten the fan mounted yet. So when he jumps up his front two paws go into the hole, then of course as his upper body tilts forward as they go in his chin smacks down since his head is too big to fit in the hole. All in one swift motion. my girlfriend erupts in laughter at the sight of this, the cat pulls his paws back out of the hole, looks at her, runs and jumps up onto the bed and swats at her face before tearing off out of the bedroom.

I was stunned by this. I swear my cat felt embarrassed and got really pissed when my girlfriend started laughing, then thought "stupid monkey, I'm gonna scratch your face off!". I know, thats a whole lot of anthropomorphizing, but it was just unreal.

[–]putin_my_ass 7 points8 points ago

Seriously though, I think a little bit of anthropomorphizing is warranted. You don't realize how much personality an animal can have until you live close to it for a long time.

[–]Hopelesz 13 points14 points ago

Or playing a piano with your limbs.

[–]BakerBitch 4 points5 points ago

I'm not good at piano so I suppose it would depend if I could play better with their help.

[–]Hopelesz 4 points5 points ago

Fair enough, education is paramount.

[–]adriardi 2 points3 points ago

When a dog shows you his teeth, he is not happy.

Actually, showing teeth in and of itself can be good or bad. When it is accompanied by clenched teeth, wrinkled nose, possibly tail down, etc., that means he isn't happy. Some dogs will show their teeth when happy and greeting a human they like, accompanied by tail wagging, excited motions, etc.. I don't think they'll do it to other dogs though. At least I've never seen it.

[–]americanslon 1 point2 points ago

That's also true fro pretty much any animal.

[–]becausefahq 2 points3 points ago

...And if it approaches you with its ears pinned, mouth open, a solid left cross to his face is definitely in order.

POW! MOTHERFUCKER!

[–]skintigh 1 point2 points ago

Horses: nature's cats.

[–]n1nj4_v5_p1r4t3 1 point2 points ago

I was at a friends, and someone came over and right away sat down and stuck their face in the dogs face. the dog bit their face, like wtf who the fuck are you in my face!

[–]oneleginthebucket 3 points4 points ago

As someone who is used to horses, it actually didn't look agressive, looked like a surprise attack, i've never seen a horse take a bite like that, small agressive behaviour and small biting yes but he's really going in for it. But yeah don't go up to horses you don't know.

[–]genefixer 6 points7 points ago

You're kidding me, right? You must not be as familiar with horses as you think.

[–]imakitty 6 points7 points ago

I really don't understand how people do not pay attention to animal body language.

[–]Triptolemu5 3 points4 points ago

It's very easy if your only understanding of animals comes from the disney channel.

[–]ubomw 56 points57 points ago

The guy looks almost OK in the video.

[–]KibethTheWalker 73 points74 points ago

Horses have front and back teeth, but a big gap in between. I think that's where his arm went, so he will prolly just have some bruising from the pressure.

[–]OldMiner 111 points112 points ago

That's neat to know. Grabbing one of the frames from the GIF, looks about right.

[–]WuzzupPotato 69 points70 points ago

God that single frame is terrifying. It's looks like he's going to rip that guy's arm off when out of context.

[–]dptronz 2 points3 points ago

Am I the only one here who wishes I had a horse that would chomp on fools?

[–]Tokugawa 2 points3 points ago

[–]foil-time 1 point2 points ago

I just want to know where that penguin under his arm came from.

[–]newpong 18 points19 points ago

hrm....i might need to update my profile picture

[–]phedre 7 points8 points ago

That is one pissed off looking horse.

[–]Unidan 101 points102 points ago

Biologist here!

This gap is called the "diastema."

The evolution of that gap is really neat. It's a literal case of "if you don't use it, you lose it" evolutionary relaxation of pressure.

Bone and teeth are costly to produce in the body. Ancestrally, the areas that had teeth were more designated for predatory or omnivorous ancestors. With the eventual diet of the horse being herbivorous in nature, the pressure to keep those types of teeth was relieved.

Thus, the teeth that remain are the ones that were suited for cutting and grinding plant material, resulting in a large diastema.

[–]sheepman21 5 points6 points ago

I never learned so much from a thread... especially a /r/funny thread!

Yay knowledge!

[–]foil-time 2 points3 points ago

So similar to how we're going to lose our small toe eventually?

[–]Factitiously_Real 2 points3 points ago

TIL!

[–]HK-47_Protocol_Droid 2 points3 points ago

So what your telling me is that ancient horses had canines for biting and tearing flesh?

[–]KibethTheWalker 1 point2 points ago

Oh neat! Thanks for sharing!

[–]Unidan 6 points7 points ago

No problem!

[–]Elrim208 3 points4 points ago

Their teeth are also flat for grinding up plant material, so even if it had bitten him with its back teeth, it probably would not cause the same damage you would expect from a dog bite where they have pointed teeth.

[–]eifersucht12a 14 points15 points ago

I just thought "Huh... Horses are herbivores."

Then I imagined a pack of wild horses hunting like lions and picking apart a kill.

It was ridiculous.

[–]KibethTheWalker 1 point2 points ago

True that - in most cases it just causes bruising and hurts like a motherfucker. Pro-tip, do not google horse bites unless you want to see a torn off finger. Ugh.

[–]davepople 21 points22 points ago

UGGGHHH, That music....

[–]the_pants 837 points838 points ago

Irrational fear of horses rationalized.

[–]Beau_Vine 129 points130 points ago

It's not irrational - they're large and strong creatures.

But this video is not a reason to be afraid of them - the cyclist held his hand out to equine equivalent of a growling dog/ hissing cat (and he still only bit him and ran away, didn't crunch on it or anything).

Two most important thing for horses are:

  1. They have sight very near 360 degrees, so anything coming from behind quietly and suddenly popping into their vision freaks them the fuck out.

  2. Ears. Back- gtfo, front hey there! middle/flicking - who the fuck are you?

[–]WaitingForClients 2 points3 points ago

What about if you are already petting a horse on the head, then it puts its ears back?

[–]impshial 6 points7 points ago

Walk backwards slowly, keeping your arms to your sides.

[–]WaitingForClients 10 points11 points ago

Note to self, do not approach horses.

[–]Beau_Vine 4 points5 points ago

The way horses are, it'd have ears flicking, and wouldn't go from "best buddies" to "fuck you, imma horse!". At worse some horses never go beyond the middle/flicking, and you just have to stay at guard.

Seriously, it takes minimum knowledge and care and you don't have to worry about a horse biting you.

Riding on a horny stallion, or worse yet - the mare it's horny for - now that's a cause for worry.

[–]Arvald 3 points4 points ago

depends on the horse, when im brushing mine he will lay his ears back and close his eyes when grooming his face and head, and he loves it.

[–]2Weird2Live2Rare2Die 2 points3 points ago

Start screaming and punching and don't stop until one of you is dead.

[–][deleted] 183 points184 points ago

That's exactly why I don't trust large mammals.

[–]Loopyprawn 165 points166 points ago

You can trust them fine, as long as you can read their own body language.

[–]Ryanair 77 points78 points ago

You mean the ears?

[–]Loopyprawn 100 points101 points ago

Ears, speed at which he's coming, may or may not have been stamping or agitated noises, etc.

[–]Ryanair 28 points29 points ago

I never had contact with a horse to be honest, but the ears seemed strange. Speed also has something to do with it? Well I guess at the time you recognize the speed of the horse or the movement of the head it's already too late. Fucker seems quick.

[–]Loopyprawn 93 points94 points ago

An agitated horse sometimes grunts or makes a high pitched squeal sound, will sometimes stamp it's foot, ears back are usually a good giveaway as has been said in the thread, and typically a horse that is investigating something new is going to be slow and cautious, probably even keeping a good distance away. The speed that the horse is moving toward's the dude says to me that he's pissed and is about to lay some smack down.

Source: I have 7

[–]Ryanair 14 points15 points ago

Ever had any incidents? 7 sounds like quite a lot for potential.

[–]Loopyprawn 59 points60 points ago

There's always potential, but paying attention to them helps limit it. There's one old grumpy fucker that you can't really love on anymore without him getting bitchy, but otherwise the ones now are all real nice.

Used to have 1 that didn't like being ridden because she was lazy, she would start stamping while riding them try bucking you off, but she was such a fat lazy turd she'd give up bucking. Another one was real skittish. Once his ears started flattening you knew you needed to get off him. Some small animal went zipping out from under him in the grass, scared him, he took off back for the barn, I couldn't get off him in time so I got a foot hung up in the stirrup and got drug most of the way back.

Edit: I'd suggest finding someone you trust that has horses or a reputable trainer to get into riding. There's a connection you get with horses that's hard to understand by anyone who doesn't deal with them. It's really an amazing thing to witness someone who's really connected with a horse.

[–]Rafi89 13 points14 points ago

I'd suggest finding someone you trust that has horses or a reputable trainer to get into riding. There's a connection you get with horses that's hard to understand by anyone who doesn't deal with them. It's really an amazing thing to witness someone who's really connected with a horse.

I was never a big fan of horses because a lot of times they come across like big dumb dogs. But we went riding in Colorado and I got paired with a blue Appaloosa and... dude, it was incredible. The horse got me, or I got her, or something, and it was some of the most fun I've ever had since it seemed that we'd get to an open stretch and I'd think 'Should we gallop? Maybe...' and I'd glance down at the horse, and I could tell that the horse was down to run and it seemed that even before I urged her on she was already taking off.

[–]Ryanair 7 points8 points ago

Well I just can say that you have my deepest respect to live with and train mammals thrice the size of yourself. I also can imagine that they can be the best friends you can ever imagine. A friend of mine lives in Switzerland for close to 3 years now and has her own horse. The pictures I see are absolutely awesome and adorable.

But somehow I think I'll never get the hang of it. It seems more than a hobby. It's a life that's totally depends on you. Would be probably too much of responsibility for me. And 7 of them? You're a hell of a lad / lady.

[–]nineteen_eightyfour 13 points14 points ago

I'm a riding instructor who owns 5 personally but takes care of 27. There are always incidents. Most notably I had a stallion who was a multiple world champion. For some reason he was acting awful one day and he reared up and fell backwards on me. Broke or cracked all my ribs, partially collapsed both lungs and broke my shoulder. They're still animals.

[–]Ryanair 1 point2 points ago

Woah, so he voluntarily dropped himself onto his back? Did you get to know the circumstances after the incidence? It just sounds unnatural that a horse flipped onto its back.

Sorry if it's a stupid question.

[–]Danzerello 2 points3 points ago

My uncle had a horse freak out on him and run full speed into a barbwire fence. The horse looked like it had a part in a slasher film.

[–]nineteen_eightyfour 13 points14 points ago

Ears pinned back = pissed horse

[–]BenCelotil 7 points8 points ago

First contact is pretty simple.

Be quiet and slow, don't approach, and ignore the horse.

They get curious in their own time and will give you a nudge when they want attention.

[–]MooingTricycle 6 points7 points ago

Pinned ears and very aggressive step, bad sign

[–]Spongi 42 points43 points ago

Also horses have teeth in the front of their mouth and the back but not in the middle. The front teeth are for biting off things (like grass) and the back teeth are for chewing. If you look at the still shot from the vid, he halfway swallows that dudes arm but doesn't actually bite it. He would have just used his front teeth if that was his intention.

Horses bite the fuck out of each other fairly often. It's their way of saying 'move away' or 'stop what you are doing' .

If you look at the full video it's not as dramatic as the gif makes it seem. Notice the ears, head shake. In horse language that's "move away now".

Now when I work with horses, I'd take that as a challenge/dominance play and wouldn't have it, but when dealing with wild horses you probably should listen and step back.

[–]Ryanair 9 points10 points ago

Thanks for the video link and the information about the teeth of a horse. I always thought it was a full line of molar teeth. I didn't know there's a gap between them. Also it's very interesting to see the bodyspeech in much more depth.

Edit: Yeah, there are no bitemarks on his arm, so was it a controlled bite, or just coincidence that the horse bit him like that? genouinely interested.

[–]Spongi 13 points14 points ago

I'd say it was intentional. Horse just wanted to shoo him off but didn't need or want to injure him. Once a horse learns that it can use those sort of tactics, they don't forget.

[–]SMTRodent 10 points11 points ago

The gap between the front and back teeth is actually where the bit goes when riding - the bar of metal you put in the horse's mouth, which attaches to the reins, and which you use to guide the horse to turn left or right, or pull back on to tell the horse to stop. That part of the mouth starts off very sensitive, although it can numb up if people abuse the reins and keep yanking on them.

'Taking the bit between the teeth' is a phrase from when a horse literally does just that, and then can't be guided at all by the reins. It's one of a horse's way of saying 'fuck you'.

[–]arkmtech 4 points5 points ago

Learned something today - This post requires more upvotes.

[–]Battle_of_Shiloh 3 points4 points ago

I also noticed in the video that the horse is male (can't tell if its a gelding or stallion tho) so he was likely protecting his mares and the babies from this strange person.

[–]Andymac175 3 points4 points ago

Yea, like when they bite your arm off, that means they don't like you.

[–]Snowblindyeti 4 points5 points ago

Yeah I'm not sure if it comes from being raised in a rural area but I've never understood people that are oblivious of animal behavior. You can tell a lot about Damn near any mammal species by the way they're standing how their ears are set, it's pretty easy to steer clear when they're pissed.

[–]Casban 4 points5 points ago

Today I just learned about the ear thing, to me you're oblivious of my inexperience :(

[–]Frankeh 5 points6 points ago

That's why I refuse to date your mum. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]ownworldman 33 points34 points ago

They have personalities. Some are kind, some are trusting, and some are assholes just for the sake of being assholes.

[–]Ahil 18 points19 points ago

They have personalities

Like pretty much every other animal?

[–]Cheesewire 52 points53 points ago

Oysters don't :(

[–]Detective_Fallacy 48 points49 points ago

They tend to be quite the introverts, I heard.

[–]MrHorseWithNoName 17 points18 points ago

They'll find out how beautiful the world is once they come out of their shell.

[–]completej 7 points8 points ago

Every once in a while in a thread, you come across a pearl of a comment like this.

[–]efro4472 0 points1 point ago

And then follows a thread of imitation pearls just for karma's sake

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]3yearoldgenius 7 points8 points ago

Is that a snake biting that woman's boob?

[–]Aeroknight 3 points4 points ago

snakes on a plane.

so technically that's not really a thing. unless you want to bring Cleopatra into the mix.

[–]Mad_Madam_Mim 3 points4 points ago

Well, we should all fear large, wild animals. That looked like a pack of wild horses, not domesticated.

[–]nineteen_eightyfour 3 points4 points ago

No need for fear, see that horses ears? They're pinned back against his head? That means he's pissed at you.

[–]cafo92 5 points6 points ago

Everyone's fingers are just carrots to them. Forever scarred

[–]workpuppy 4 points5 points ago

The way to feed a horse is to hold your palm flat, all the fingers together and arched as far back as possible. With a whole carrot, you can hold the end until he gets a piece of it, and then move your fingers into the "safe" position, and push the rest up into his mouth.

Horses have very sensitive lips that they use to figure out where the foodz are, but they can't actually see things that are at their lips, so yea, they'll bite your fingers if you're holding your hand wrong.

It's worth learning to feed them. Their noses are soft and warm. They'll eat most anything, but they love sugar. I used to have one that loved candy corn. But if it's not your horse, you should stick to apples and carrots. Some people get mad if you feed their horse a lot of junk food.

[–]Jisaw 141 points142 points ago

"Aww! His ears are back! Clearly a sign of trying to be cute!"

[–]Dangger 55 points56 points ago

He was like that scientist in Prometheus.

[–]billin 22 points23 points ago

That hissing and and rearing back must be signs that she loves me! Aww, who's a pretty little alien? Is it you? Is it you? Yes it is! Come here and let Poppy- AAARHGHGHGHGHHHHHHHH

[–]VeryWrongImpression 1 point2 points ago

"It's burrowing into my brain!!! Why does it love me so much!?!?!?"

[–]GymIn26Minutes 5 points6 points ago

Fuck that guy.

[–]yonicay 5 points6 points ago

worst scientist ever.

[–]ronaldraygun91 6 points7 points ago

Come here horsey! I wants to pets you! Ah fuck no don't bite me!

[–]wankatronics 22 points23 points ago

Fashion designer horse does not approve of your blue and purple lycra outfit.

[–]DalekCaek 19 points20 points ago

Oh, Rarity. You a bitch.

[–]KingOf 201 points202 points ago

Duck-sized horses would be harmless.

[–]Crestfallen_Username 51 points52 points ago

Not if they swarm your ankles.

[–]Krxe 46 points47 points ago

Stand on a smallish box, problem solved

[–]livinglogic 1 point2 points ago

Or stomp-jump widely in a small circular radius if surrounded.

[–]SushiGradeNarwhal 14 points15 points ago

Start river dancing, you'd be invincible.

[–]chronicallysexy72 28 points29 points ago

And cute as buttons

[–]dzhoe 6 points7 points ago

[–]penis-butter 7 points8 points ago

But a horse sized duck would have ripped his fucking arm clean off

[–]kheltar 5 points6 points ago

A horse sized goose would be terrifying, they are mean fuckers.

[–]DeLane79 53 points54 points ago

Pener Packer was a mild-mannered cyclist until that fateful day...
the day he was bitten by a radioactive were-horse and became
HORSEMAN!

[–]billin 16 points17 points ago

Sugar cubes, beware!!

[–]methical 10 points11 points ago

with great horsepower comes great responsibility on the streets.

[–]NikkoE82 8 points9 points ago

"Will evil escape my sight? NEIGH!!!"

[–]easygoer89 16 points17 points ago

Horse Etiquette 101: Ears up, eyes open wide, nostrils flared (to smell you)= interested in being friendly. Ears pinned flat, eye lids half or mostly closed, nostrils closed = pissed, scared defensive horse. Do not approach or allow a horse who looks like that to approach you or get within biting or kicking distance.
Looks like a senior mare of the herd who wanted to be sure interloper got the message that he wasn't welcome to join up to graze with them. He's lucky she didn't break his arm with that bite.

[–]ubomw 27 points28 points ago

They always look surprised.

[–]FatDrewLo 10 points11 points ago

I'm fairly certain that's a staged photo. Horses don't have teeth in that spot and that horse's body language suggests it is in no way threatened.

[–]jishtish 8 points9 points ago

ITT: Everyone reading this thread instantly becomes a horse expert.

[–]FatDrewLo 4 points5 points ago

I can see where that's coming from, but I actually grew up on a farm and a good friend of mine is a farrier. Also, I have family and friends who have horses now.

[–]whatahorribleman 29 points30 points ago

I like to imagine that the man went out there thinking that horses are the same as bicycles.

[–]georgepordge 55 points56 points ago

dis motherfucka ain't horsin' around

[–]Doomdoomkittydoom 17 points18 points ago

No doubt this guy saw that Bear Grylls episode where he suggested catching and riding a wild horse back to civilization.

[–]Toribor 14 points15 points ago

Dear god, that sounds like a horrible idea.

[–]Doomdoomkittydoom 13 points14 points ago

I remember my jaw dropping when he suggested it. His survival tips are like a game of Russian roulette.

[–]AverageCypress 10 points11 points ago

Well how can you be surviving if you're not constantly placing yourself in danger? Duh.

[–]harriest_tubman 8 points9 points ago

Mr. Ed, bitch.

[–]morganinhd 21 points22 points ago

That's a pretty strange bite, actually. Most horses instinctively bite with their front teeth since it's how they eat, but this one looks like it tried to crush this guy's arm with his molars. Cold blooded.

[–]SMTRodent 5 points6 points ago

There's a large gap between front and back teeth, and stills from the gif (in comments upthread) show his arm fitted into that gap. It was a warning bite, more of an aggressive gumming than a true attack.

[–]sheepman21 4 points5 points ago

Good guy wild horse.

[–]s0m3thingc13v3r 17 points18 points ago

Wild horses do not fuck around.

[–]universalradio 5 points6 points ago

They're not wild horses, but they're in their own pasture, and they have strong instincts to protect the herd. This guy has a helmet on, looks weird, might smell of something odd, the horse might have been abused by men - whatever. The pasture is their turf, you don't just walk into it and expect to be welcomed. They aren't fluffy stuffies. They do bite. He's lucky he didn't get kicked. We've got our own, well-treated horses, but I never take them for granted when they're loose in a pasture, or in their own stall. They protect their territory.

[–]wachachi 3 points4 points ago

as someone who grew up riding horses, i have to admit i laughed at this one

[–]svalbard_is_my_name 5 points6 points ago

Aww, look! His ears are pinned back. Let's approach him :)

[–]excommunicated 6 points7 points ago

Relevant Oatmeal

Now, I know what you're thinking. Horses are kind. Horses are beautiful. Nations have been built on the backs of horses. All that.

You haven't seen the things I've seen, however. You haven't suffered at the hands of these terrible beasts. You don't know what horses are like because you've probably never owned one. Allow me to enlighten you.

Horse Anatomy.

[–]buddascrayon 2 points3 points ago

The actual original Youtube vid. Not sure why music.

[–]kratos23 4 points5 points ago

Horses are terrible people

[–]TheJoePilato 3 points4 points ago

Relevant Louis CK bit (heh heh, bit).

[–]proswordfish 5 points6 points ago

I've seen this before...It hasn't been too long.

[–]thatfatgamer 6 points7 points ago

This is why Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't need any Mace Spray.

[–]BridgetteBane 5 points6 points ago

Jesus I've never seen a horse look that pissed, nor chomp on a guy like that either. What were they doing, just biking along all tra-la-la, "Oh look, pretty horsies that I've never met before! Let's see if we can pet'em!?" That's just foolish.

[–]mypetridish 0 points1 point ago

How is his hand after that bite?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I know the pain but under my left arm-pit.

[–]pkurk 2 points3 points ago

This just confirms that horses are worth nothing more than glue.

[–]Seriouslywhite 1 point2 points ago

So sarah jessica parker is on bath salts now?

[–]C_M_O_TDibbler 2 points3 points ago

When I was in my early teens (~14) I was helping my neighbour with his horses, moving hay/straw to where it was needed.

I was on my way out of the paddock when on of the horses walked up to me, no signs it was being hostile just walking up to me. Out of nowhere it bit me on the upper left arm with its front teeth, not being a small lad and at the time I had a bit of a temper I turned and punched it in its fucking face! My neighbours daughter saw it and told her father, he told me never to come to the house again, threatened to kick the shit out of me and wouldn't believe it had bitten me even though I had a bruise on my arm that hadn't been there a few moment before

[–]Meliae 7 points8 points ago

Used to ride competitively. There was this one asshole gelding named "Doc" who felt like being a dick was his true calling in life.

I was brushing down one of the other horses when he came up behind me and sunk his teeth into my shoulder.

So I punched that motherfucker in the nose.

Disclaimer: I did not hurt him, I am 5'4" and he just flicked an ear at me and walked away, leaving me with a bloody shoulder and a bruise that stretched from my collarbone halfway down to my elbow. I love horses, they're characters.

Edit: Lol at the downvotes, guys. You'd have to hit a full grown horse in the face with brass knuckles on for them to give a shit. You people are silly.

[–]mermadon 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, I kicked my horse once in the butt because he was starting to act kind of aggressive. It's amazing that even after seeing a video like this, people don't get how tough horses are.

[–]MuNansen 2 points3 points ago

Yeah. Anyone that's been around horses knows that a good punch is just a light tap to them.

[–]MrXhin 5 points6 points ago

Sarah Jessica Parker is tired of the abuse and strikes back!

[–]notjawn 3 points4 points ago

Yeah, don't approach wild horses.