1586
1587

When my wife is "in the mood"... (cdn.mdjunction.com)

submitted ago by frequent_pliers

all 125 comments
sorted by:
best
best
top
new
hot
controversial
old

[–]choochoomaroo 41 points42 points ago

Hell Michigan!

Dammit, Michigan needs a karma train

[–]disastermarch35 9 points10 points ago

Hell yeah! It's a shame all I ever see from MI on here is a black guy doing something ridiculous titled "meanwhile in Detroit" or some other nonsense.

edit: grammar

[–]big_red__man 4 points5 points ago

...or misspelling Kalamazoo

[–]Armagetiton 5 points6 points ago

I learned there was a Hell, Michigan because of Twisted Metal (2?). In Twisted Metal, whoever wins the tournament gets 1 wish. If you beat the game as the unlockable boss (who is a demon), he wishes to go back to hell, for eternity. So the wish granter sends him to Hell, Michigan for eternity.

Edit: Found the video! Guess it was Twisted Metal 3.

[–]bug530 4 points5 points ago

Hell's a pretty nice place actually.

[–]mschmidt022 2 points3 points ago

Good ice cream

[–]sweetygirlfaj 0 points1 point ago

A pretty small place.

[–]AnthonyCrispino 1 point2 points ago

Nice try, Satan.

[–]Grasscangrow 2 points3 points ago

Been there. Got the hat.

[–]kpacek330 2 points3 points ago

Hell has the best ice cream I've ever eaten :)

[–]AxelCaprio 1 point2 points ago

Are you sure this isn't Hell, Norway?

[–]darkarchonlord 5 points6 points ago

This sign is actually found in my home town of Pinckney, MI

[–]Didub 1 point2 points ago

Adam?

[–]Davelociraptor 0 points1 point ago

Mike?

[–]Zerenium 0 points1 point ago

I'm from Brighton, MI and apparently Pinckney is full of heroin addicts.

[–]darkarchonlord 0 points1 point ago

The kids who never leave yes.

[–]Tot_Neo 5 points6 points ago

Norway has blue signs with white letters

edit : Like this : http://imgur.com/ZOQZv

[–]AxelCaprio -3 points-2 points ago

I guess.

[–]choochoomaroo 1 point2 points ago

Very.

Side note, it's not a bad trip from Hell Michigan to Paradise Michigan. And, if one has time, they should head from Paradise up to Gay (small town, great bar)

[–]gravewood 1 point2 points ago

Don't forget to visit Christmas.

[–]trexcantfap 1 point2 points ago

Detroit CHOO CHOO

[–]jbm222 1 point2 points ago

I now live about 40 miles from Hell. Thought about driving out there just for the hell of it. Is there anything to do in hell aside from taking a picture?

[–]sweetygirlfaj 0 points1 point ago

Take pics, get ice cream, go to the bar, get merchandise. There are seriously like 4 buildings on the main strip.

[–]disastermarch35 0 points1 point ago

There's an annual run people from those parts put on. I believe it's called the Run Thru Hell, but I'm too lazy to double check via Google.

[–]markspyguy 1 point2 points ago

ALL ABOARD THE MICHIGAN KARMA TRAIN.

CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKER!

[–]Gillbreather 76 points77 points ago

Question 1: Why marry someone who's never in the mood? Question 2: Instead of complaining about it on reddit, Why don't you go fix it. Doing something nice for her and winking, maybe.

[–]frequent_pliers[S] 69 points70 points ago

She was always in the mood when we were dating.

Now that we have two kids (one of which is an infant), do you know how many planets have to align in order to just have the free time? Plus, now that I'm older, the emphasis really isn't on getting laid. It's on being a good father and supporting the wife. Still, it would be nice.

I've made concerted efforts with the flowers, date night, etc. and sometimes it works. More often than not, it doesn't.

Good questions.

[–]nobodysweasel 8 points9 points ago

I'm in exactly the same boat. Hopefully it gets better for us both soon.

[–]Wilki 11 points12 points ago

Me too, I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old! Up votes for sexually deprived dads!

[–]crcook123 6 points7 points ago

I know that feel. 4 year old and 2 year old boys. 10pm rolls around and poof, wife is asleep.

[–]FourWordAsshole 5 points6 points ago

2-kids no-sex dad also

[–]raven12456 3 points4 points ago

2 1/2 yr and a 10 month old. In the last 10 months I've gotten probably as much as the first week of marriage. Between the kids and a medication that destroys her sex-drive it's been rough.

[–]coloumb 0 points1 point ago

Meds are a huge mood killer for anyone [especially if it is taken for chronic pain]. In similar situation as those above [2 kids] and I've literally found the best time to get lucky is on the weekend - when she doesn't have any plans and isn't rushing off trying to get to work.

[–]snowlion18 1 point2 points ago

as a wife, i want to let you people know it can be the other way around, women can be deprived too

[–]JenWarr 8 points9 points ago

I understand your plight, because I too am a mother of a toddler and baby... But really you gotta sit down and talk about getting out of the no-sex rut and save your relationship. I'm being really serious. And don't buy her fucking flowers to bed her... Describe a time when you jumped each others' bones and re-live the memory. Paint the picture in her mind and then you can get her aroused.

[–]TheBoldManLaughsOnce 2 points3 points ago

My wife and I went through a multi-year dry spell... it took a lot to over come it, but it has been wonderful for a while now. One thing I can recommend, other than your recommendation of talking about it (which is #1), is to rediscover kissing. Kissing that doesn't lead anywhere... making out... rediscover what is to get into each other's souls.

Our quality of life is immensely better. We talk before and after... quality time.

I've discovered that she doesn't want to make out like when we first met... because she has a hard time stopping. Sometimes that can make the anticipation wonderful. Start with that in the morning before the little one wakes up... you've got yourself a wonderful day with a happy ending.

[–]JenWarr 2 points3 points ago

Ahh I like that. Congratulations on rekindling =)

[–]Gillbreather 15 points16 points ago

Aw. Yeah, I hear having kids puts a real strain on the relationship even when two people are good partners to each other. I hope things get better between you two. I take back all the snarkiness. =) If you want a laugh, have you heard of this silly book called "Porn for new moms"?

[–]thespawnkiller 1 point2 points ago

I feel for you! I hope things turn around for you. Don't give up, but it isn't the end of the world if it doesn't work.

Unfortunately it never got better for me. Well at least not until the divorce and custody stuff was over. Although I'm a bit lighter in the wallet these days, I'm infinitely happier in the sack.

Edit: I'm in no way advocating divorce. Divorce sucks and I'd rather have been able to happily stay married. Trust me, I tried.

[–]Buttered_Penis 2 points3 points ago

That's actually exactly what I figured.

But I was going to suggest romantic gestures. Sorry that doesn't work out. Maybe when the infant is a little older it'll get better.

[–]breathcomposed 0 points1 point ago

Kids. Well, there's your problem!

[–]sowhynot 1 point2 points ago

Pick some responsibility she usually does, like dishes or laundry, and jokingly suggest to do that for sex. Have a good laugh together, but later start doing that responsibility anyway. She will have less responsibility to do and that could magically unfreeze the hell.

[–]Woman_AMA 34 points35 points ago

My fiance works his ass off flirting with me, cuddling, playing around in the kitchen, kissing me, all for the endgame. He puts a lot of effort into it, and i make it very worth his while. If someone is experiencing that their wife is never in the mood, its probably not that 'she changed' or 'she got lazy', i think they both did.

[–]not_charles_grodin 24 points25 points ago

That will backfire on him in a few years. Soon, you'll get use to it and expect it. And no matter how hard he tries, he will hit a point where he cannot do any more than the currently level. If he slows down or stops doing something, you will punish him (probably subconsciously). In the end, he will become frustrated that he can never do enough to please you and you will be angry with him for not trying as hard as he use to.

Edit: Ducking spelling

[–]iluvgoodburger 22 points23 points ago

hahaa so bitter

[–]mypretties 13 points14 points ago

You're assuming that he is flirting, cuddling, kissing his fiance for the sole purpose of it resulting in sex. Maybe he actually enjoys touching/kissing his fiance? Why is continuing to do that in the future such a "huge frustration"?

[–]not_charles_grodin -2 points-1 points ago

All men (fine, most) also enjoy all of those things and don't expect them to always result in sex. The frustration will come when the percentage of times that those things lead to sex diminishes. Slowly, those lovey couple things will become associated with the things that use to lead to sex, but now lead towards other demands with less sex. And since he started from so high up, that is as far as he has to fall. Resentment over needs left unfulfilled compared to the previous levels will lead him to see things like flirting, cuddling and kissing as you using him to get what you want with nothing in return. He'll pull back further, you'll get angry he's not like he used to be. If you two can learn to deal with that eventuality, you have a chance at a decent long-term relationship. If not, you will choose new paths and try again with new people. Good luck.

[–]mypretties 7 points8 points ago

If you say, that the wife is expecting to be showered with flowers, chocolates, gifts etc all the time to lead to sex, I can say, yes that can get frustrating. But cuddling, kissing are mutually gratifying activities. And if you don't enjoy touching the woman you've married without a sexual payment than you have other issues that need resolving first.

[–]not_charles_grodin -1 points0 points ago

Everyone enjoys it and is very enjoyable for all parties, I'm just explaining the natural progression of the original statement. Sex diminishes with time and most of the time it is the man who misses it more. The associations are inevitable, as is the outcome. Feel free to think that your relationship is different, your relationship will be the one defining perfect relationship built on mutually fulfilled needs and desires, balanced in a intertwining orgasmic combination of understanding and never-ending sexual heat. All I'm saying is that the odds are not forever in your favor.

[–]justmerriwether 7 points8 points ago

Hey, I'm really digging this new Depressing Truths novelty account.

[–]Gillbreather 4 points5 points ago

I agree, it does usually take two.

[–]emstobro 5 points6 points ago

agreed, woman_AMA. it is both partners' responsibility to keep it interesting.

[–]candyman420 -3 points-2 points ago

Do you really demand all of that fucking shit to get it on with him? What if you were just laying in bed and it just casually happened. Oh no, can't do that, you need copious amounts of attention before allowing penetration.

[–]soursalt 1 point2 points ago

Who said any of that?

[–]candyman420 -1 points0 points ago

the implication that to "get sex" - a man has to put in work for it. As in it is supposed to be some sort of "reward" from her royal highness. It's a fucking crock of shit if you asked me. In a loving marriage where two people are mad over each other, starting sex should be as simple as rubbing feet together in bed. If that is not possible for most situations, there's a serious problem.

[–]soursalt 0 points1 point ago

I just think she meant it makes her feel sexy to have her SO kiss her and stuff. Not that he has to work really hard providing affectionate gestures to earn sex. I agree sex shouldn't be "earned", but affection is a turn on (including rubbing your feet, as you had mentioned).

[–]candyman420 -2 points-1 points ago

You should read her post again, especially the end part where she implies that it's somehow the man's fault for things "fizzling out." Not that there shouldn't be some romance, but sex should never "require" romance.

It's this exact bullshit mindset that women have, and I don't know from what. Their mothers, disney movies, maybe both.

My fiance works his ass off flirting with me, cuddling, playing around in the kitchen, kissing me, all for the endgame. He puts a lot of effort into it, and i make it very worth his while. If someone is experiencing that their wife is never in the mood, its probably not that 'she changed' or 'she got lazy', i think they both did.

[–]soursalt 1 point2 points ago

Thank you for the quote, I did re-read it. The ending about how BOTH partners in a marriage get lazy and then blame their partner is something I agree with, while the wording in the beginning may be interpreted as you said. However, please don't generalize about women.

"It's this exact bullshit mindset that women have" -- this accusation is in the same boat as the idea that men have to "work their ass off for the endgame" -- the one you just protested.

[–]candyman420 0 points1 point ago

I don't generalize, but you can agree that finding a woman who is ready to get it on at the spur of the moment is much more rare than one who always needs to be 'seduced' - and far too many of them use sex for leverage.

[–]soursalt 0 points1 point ago

I know men with the same tendencies. never thought of it as a "woman" thing, but as a "some people who have sex this way" thing.

[–]mypretties 0 points1 point ago

"Allowing penetration"? Oh boy. What a smooth operator, this one.

[–]candyman420 -2 points-1 points ago

SRS: and this is how you spend your time?

[–]candyman420 -5 points-4 points ago

Yeah, let's get right to the fucking point. It's only reddit, why beat around the bush.

[–]aged-flatulence 3 points4 points ago

I'm sorry, but you young people don't know anything about sex in a long-lasting marriage. I'd tell you all about it, but you can't handle the truth.

[–]DeLaDface 1 point2 points ago

Ew, don't wink!

[–]Gillbreather 1 point2 points ago

Winkaphobe?

http://imgur.com/gallery/ua6zB

[–]Eazye91 11 points12 points ago

/r/deadbedrooms

[–]a_lumberjack 2 points3 points ago

That is one depressing subreddit. Right in the feels. :(

[–]545pm 8 points9 points ago

It's like I'm really watching stand up comedy from the nineties!

[–]papilio_glaucus 2 points3 points ago

I'm sorry, man.

[–]FourWordAsshole 9 points10 points ago

Tip: Long, non-conditional massage

[–]deagle2012 3 points4 points ago

Just the tip?

LOL DID YOU GET THE REFERENCE GUISE? UPTOKES TO THE LEFT [8]

[–]_XxDerpyHoovesxX_ 0 points1 point ago

/r/circlejerk is that way.

[–]deagle2012 0 points1 point ago

Finally, a place where an outcast atheist scientist homosexual sweedish white 25 year old male neckbeard like myself can fit in. An upvote for you, good sir!

[–]FourWordAsshole 0 points1 point ago

my non-nigga (hi five)

[–]bugzrrad 5 points6 points ago

LOL married women don't like sex!

edit: i still don't understand to this day why friends/family/society makes fun of bachelors. i seriously have been ridiculed and have seen others questioned for there lack of wanting to get married. single and considering a vasectomy? what are you? some kind of WEIRDO?!!???? it's like all the idiots that got married and found out that they have like a 25% chance (or less) of being happy are pissed that we found a loophole in the system so they gang up on the rest of us.

math edit: my 25% estimate is extremely rough and of my own thought... ~50% of marriages end in divorce. I know of many married couples that are unhappy and should get divorced, but won't. that could possibly leave 25% (or less; based on my observations) of couples that should actually have children and DIE together. Then there's the couple that get divorced and reconcile... wtf do you do with that data?

these are the same statistics people use to ridicule those who gamle in vegas.... except gamblers have better odds in some situations. i. just. don't. get. it.

[–]masquonnage 11 points12 points ago

Growing up, I learned a lot of my 'societal rules' from sitcoms. Because of that, until sex ed., I thought that women legitimately did not enjoy sex ever, and that it was just treated as a reward when a man does what they say.

[–]Buttered_Penis 2 points3 points ago

Same here. I always thought I'd never get married because I didn't want to live like that. I've only had one girl try to use sex to control me, and it backfired. She had a higher sex drive than I did and I could easily turn her on, but I just kept telling her "Nope, I'm an asshole and I need to learn my lesson." Eventually I gave in, and she never tried that again.

[–]a_lumberjack 5 points6 points ago

The 50% number, if it's valid, applies to all marriages, do you get serial offenders. I know a guy with a preacher for a dad. three divorces, his Mom twice. And he just got divorced. turns out stats are tricky.

[–]bugzrrad 0 points1 point ago

this feels like it only reaffirms my notions and doesn't upset the stats. ALL MARRIAGES is the number. if it's the same idiot marrying the same women again and divorcing her again shouldn't matter. the concern here still is the idea of marriage.

[–]a_lumberjack 2 points3 points ago

The majority of first marriages don't end in divorce. That a minority of people marry the wrong person doesn't say much at all about marriage.

[–]hpabraxos 1 point2 points ago

No. It's the person, not the institution.

[–]STRONG_USERNAME 1 point2 points ago

SRS linked to this. I don't think they understand the sarcasm in your first line.

[–]Tired_of_this_7 0 points1 point ago

After having two kids and regardless of the partner's efforts? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they don't.

[–]Smalltalk91 1 point2 points ago

Welcome to Michigan, where Hell and Paradise are merely hours apart.

[–]hotdogcore 0 points1 point ago

At least there's an ice cream shop.

[–]frankzzz -1 points0 points ago

well, at least then you could go ice skating.

[–]Shitty_Paint_Art 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/jqeHz.jpg

[–]sellurpickles 0 points1 point ago

I live 20 minutes from there. It was 29 today. Sorry man, maybe by June...

[–]biggreennumbers 1 point2 points ago

canned laughter

[–]slapshotten11 1 point2 points ago

R/forwardsfromgrandma

[–]BalletBrenna 0 points1 point ago

Hell has frozen over!

[–]nfury8ing 0 points1 point ago

She probably is.. Just not with you anymore.

[–]Shardic 0 points1 point ago

Protip: get some professional help or it may end soon. Major warning sign.

[–]DistinctlyBenign 1 point2 points ago

I have no comments to give here.Because my wife is also a redditor.

[–]Myneighborsaremorman -3 points-2 points ago

I'm sorry.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Niresque 1 point2 points ago

Some of us actually love our significant others? That and it's a way to ensure that our genetic offspring survive childhood, by us being there for it.

[–]aged-flatulence 0 points1 point ago

Some of us actually did not get that much action as single guys, so it was a good move to lock-in a reliable sex partner.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Son-of-Man -5 points-4 points ago

Time to upgrade to the new model.

[–]Purp -4 points-3 points ago

FW: FW: FW: FW: LOL TOO TRUE

[–]insidious_troll 0 points1 point ago

Wow I thought it was supposed to mean that hell froze over, so that his wife is never in the mood.

[–]xJarace 0 points1 point ago

Hell is a town in Norway. It freezes over every winter.

[–]Seruz 0 points1 point ago

Im actually flying to Hell, Norway tomorrow!

[–]omegaaf -5 points-4 points ago

"Everytime my wife spreads her legs the furnace comes on!"

[–]guinnypig -4 points-3 points ago

I'm the wife that breaks the mold. le sigh

[–]sellurpickles 1 point2 points ago

Tits or GTFO!

[–]THE_ARTYST -4 points-3 points ago

Very clever. Love it.

[–]Uncle_Crunch -1 points0 points ago

There is a Hell in Grand Cayman too, named so because of creepy limestone formations formed from thousands of years.