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1624
1625

Working in a movie theatre with the name "Jacob" this weekend (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Penleg

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[–]RawrCola 129 points130 points ago

If it makes you feel better, I'm on your team.

[–]The_Last_Melon14 42 points43 points ago

Team Edward fo' life bitches.

[–]fishiecracker 42 points43 points ago

TEAM BABY MOTHER FUCKER

[–]riqk 19 points20 points ago

I get it... Because he fucked the baby's mom.

[–]fishiecracker 4 points5 points ago

I didn't even realize how much sense that makes...

[–]MrONegative 1 point2 points ago

No, because he's going to fuck the baby. Srs.

[–]AustinTreeLover 51 points52 points ago

I wish could understand Bella's thinking. What did her con lists look like?

Cause this is how mine would have looked:

Cons, Edward:

  • Head looks like a foot

  • Has to really concentrate not to eat me, but in a bad way

  • Entire family has to really concentrate not to eat me (always bad)

  • Abandons me repeatedly both physically and emotionally

  • Knocked me up with a demon baby, starting a vampire war

  • Sparkles in sunlight

  • Is dead

  • Can't have sex with me unless I'm dead

Cons, Jacob:

  • Kinda looks like an Ewok*

  • Turns into a dog sometimes

  • May get pissed off and scratch me

*Body almost makes up for Ewok face.

Beyond this, Jacob would build motorcycles with me and always have my back.

Bella, you dumbass. I wanted demon baby to end you.

Edit: Formatting.

[–]AdrianBrony 20 points21 points ago

I can't stand twilight, and I can admit that if the story was about her moving on from Edward and gaining a strong friendship or romantic relationship with Jacob while handling her pregnancy from Edward and nothing else was changed, the story would have been tolerable.

[–]AustinTreeLover 9 points10 points ago

I never thought of it that way, but now that you mention it, yeah, that would have been better.

[–]AdrianBrony 13 points14 points ago

The author had her sights set on idealizing this fatalistic, destiny based love. It doesn't matter where she lead the plot, in her mind it HAD to end with Bella and Edward together because in her mind they were just destined to be together.

All the difficulties and clear signs that Edward is an abusive and harmful lover were supposed to just be obstacles and temptations for Bella to overcome. The story is written with the assumption that the greatest thing Bella is capable of accomplishing is being blindly faithful to Edward. Her goal in life is to marry Edward. That means morality in the series is based on Edward. Good or bad, correct and incorrect hinges entirely on "will this help me become Edward's wife?"

This is not good character writing. But even worse, since the entire story revolves around Bella being Edward's wife because it was "just meant to be" then the entire story's writing has that same obsessive fixation.

[–]kh2linxchaos 2 points3 points ago

Well, Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, so that probably has something to do with how she wrote Bella's behavior.

[–]inormallyjustlurkbut 5 points6 points ago

Another con for Jacob: Creepily long neck.

[–]mahh_nigga -4 points-3 points ago

Get out, Now.

[–]eljacko 1 point2 points ago

Jacob is also kind of creepily possessive of Bella. And he's a pedophile.

[–]Kiassen 3 points4 points ago

Imprinting doesn't have to be a romantic thing. He'll be whatever that kid needs-- a best friend, or something more.

[–]Dark-Ganon 2 points3 points ago

pedophilia also doesn't have to be a romantic thing

[–]obsequious_flattery 0 points1 point ago

It would make me feel better if you were on my team.

[–]MacNeil69 -2 points-1 points ago

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–]Prototype1xx 34 points35 points ago

Try living with the name Edward for the entire time the movies have been out.

[–]Siktrikshot 25 points26 points ago

Oh yea! How about Edward Jacob!

[–]3720to1 1 point2 points ago

Plz, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way iz sooooooo terebel to haf.

[–]anagramgoeshere 1 point2 points ago

Try being a vampire! All the other goth kids make fun of me now. :'(

[–]I_LOVE_SHEEP 58 points59 points ago

I don't get it.

[–]Penleg[S] 80 points81 points ago

Breaking Dawn part II came out this weekend. one of the character's name is Jacob.

[–]NitsujTPU 20 points21 points ago

Way to whine about meeting all of the hot older women you want..

[–]darkstrategyhd 7 points8 points ago

Much older than you think. Cougars even if you allow me to be frank.

[–]Craysh 6 points7 points ago

As long as you allow me to be Shirley.

[–]Dustin- 5 points6 points ago

Surely you can't be serious.

[–]TL10 2 points3 points ago

I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

[–]NitsujTPU -3 points-2 points ago

1) How do you know how old Penieg is? Let's suppose he's 18. Okay, so he meets a hot woman over 40. He gets his pick of all of the women who will be interested simply because his name is Jacob. Do you think a woman over 40 will be looking to marry him over that? She's looking for fun.

2) Let's suppose he's old enough that dating a "cougar" is basically dating a woman his age. He gets a date with a hot woman who started talking to him over his name. It's like winning the lottery.

[–]DreadPiratesRobert 15 points16 points ago

My coworker's name is Jake Edward last name

[–]xplodinpigz 23 points24 points ago

GO TEAM SHARK-BOY!!!!!!!!

[–]deadmantra 9 points10 points ago

Fellow Jacob here. I feel your pain, brother.

[–]FTLRalph 16 points17 points ago

Do you have any idea how badly I want to kill you?

[–]hyattisqueen 9 points10 points ago

I hope you found at least one opportunity to spontaneously rip off your shirt.

[–]Peanutviking 8 points9 points ago

The only good thing about Twilight at the cinema I work at is the panic my co-workers go through when they forget their name badge, the managment made special Edward and Bella badges as a method of comedic punishment.

[–]Huongnum 6 points7 points ago

I went to see Breaking Dawn over the weekend. The guy who ripped our ticket stubs had baby powdered his skin, wore a suit, and golden contacts. You could do the same thing, except be shirtless/ wear this

[–]seianat 5 points6 points ago

This made me giggle for your misery.

[–]alolerboy 3 points4 points ago

This is why you always go for a shortened version of your name. In this case, Jake.

[–]Penleg[S] 1 point2 points ago

i usually do, for this reason, but my nametag says Jacob. I have asked them to change is several times.

[–]Link_95 2 points3 points ago

My name's also Jacob... Good thing I don't work in a movie theater.

[–]Lttngblt 0 points1 point ago

Imagine how someone named Jason felt when Friday the 13th came out

[–]Elriond 3 points4 points ago

You people suck. You think you have it bad? Think about all the people who have the surname beiber.

Granted, not many. But still.

[–]tn_nt -1 points0 points ago

How is Justin Bieber even relevant here?

[–]fuszybear 2 points3 points ago

MFW my name is spelled Jakub ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–]MrMono1 5 points6 points ago

Dafuq is that square?

[–]TL10 2 points3 points ago

What's with this face? I get off of Reddit for one weekend and all of a sudden, I'm seeing this all over the internet.

[–]Addyct 1 point2 points ago

I just want you to know that I clicked on three other posts before something clicked in my brain and I came back to this post and laughed my ass off. No idea why.

[–]awsongbird_13 0 points1 point ago

If it's any solace to you... this is the last time you'd ever have to deal with it...

[–]polkadots1999 1 point2 points ago

Team Alice bitches!

[–]TL10 0 points1 point ago

Team CarthatalmostranoverBella!

[–]tylerbird 0 points1 point ago

I worked at a movie theater when the second one came out . A lady and her daughter came up and the mom said I look like Jacob. Spoiler: I don't. Same skin color doe.

[–]JakeCameraAction 0 points1 point ago

My name's Jacob, I have a grey pea coat people say looks like Edward's. I work in a mall. I hate Twilight releases.

[–]Taures1 0 points1 point ago

We need a sequel to it , One where Blade comes and chops their heads off with Kris Kristofferson. THAT would be a good movie.

[–]Purplemustachedonkey 0 points1 point ago

Are you allowed to take your shirt off?

[–]mikehonda 0 points1 point ago

dude, my name is Bella. try having that.

[–]Rainbow_Night 0 points1 point ago

Team guy who almost killed Bella by driving his car into her!

[–]IrelevntElephnt 1 point2 points ago

I'm really glad in myself that I had to look in the comments to understand this post. Man pride is still intact!

[–]hyattisqueen 0 points1 point ago

I'm a girl and it took me a few minutes. Ladypride also in tact.

[–]fman5k -1 points0 points ago

If you are black too, Godspeed.

[–]missreah -3 points-2 points ago

Try being called "Leah" there is a character in the thing called Leah and all she does is rustle everyone's Jimmies.

[–]hyattisqueen 3 points4 points ago

This is why, for most of my life, I appreciated that my name was Megan. No one in movies is named Megan. No one. It was great.

And then Megan Fox happened.

[–]MrMono1 1 point2 points ago

She was hot in Transformers 1, not in Transformers 2.

Now I don't even know what she looks like.

[–]hyattisqueen 1 point2 points ago

Has she been in anything since that Transformers 3 debacle?

[–]MrMono1 1 point2 points ago

All I know of is Jennifer's Body and Jonah Hex, both crap movies.

[–]missreah 1 point2 points ago

Shutup Meg...

(Sorry had to)

[–]hyattisqueen 0 points1 point ago

You know, I...

... never really got any of those jokes. Even though that's my name. Even though I kinda look a little like her. Even though everyone around me loved the shit out of Family Guy. I don't know if it's just that no one calls me Meg, so no one really made the connection, or what?

How the fuck did I dodge that bullet?

[–]missreah 1 point2 points ago

Luckily I'd assume... I get called meg by my stepdad all the time

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