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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Thaumimicus 243 points244 points ago

[–]silverain13 60 points61 points ago

It's actually pronounced "Gooey-Duck"

[–]Im_At_Work_Damnit 12 points13 points ago

They really should just rename them to GUIduck.

[–]Mantup 4 points5 points ago

Gee you eye duck? Am I the only one here who doesn't pronounce GUI?

[–]traken 13 points14 points ago

Yes.

[–]AwesoMoumoute 54 points55 points ago

I immediately thought of that one when I read "penis fish"! Apparently there are plenty of penises in the sea!

[–]rekcut303 28 points29 points ago

I immediately thought of those poop filled condoms

[–]Screaming_Monkey 25 points26 points ago

I knew there was something about that picture that was trying to dredge up a repressed memory.

[–]danE3030 10 points11 points ago

Dear lord, what have we become? Even the cumbox didn't make me look twice...I'm so desensitized to wtf/gross/gory stuff.

Thanks internet!

[–]CorneliusJack 20 points21 points ago

Geoduck is Urechis Unicinctus in 50 years.

P.S. Geoduck sashimi is actually pretty good.

[–]kraken_calamari 24 points25 points ago

you know, I farmed them for years and yet never ate one?

[–]CorneliusJack 6 points7 points ago

I had to go all the way to Asia to taste one, but they farm it right in my country. From what I gathered they are mostly farmed in Canada and on the east coast, and all of them are shipped to Asia.

Have you sold it to anyone local?

[–]kraken_calamari 12 points13 points ago

We farm them out here in WA by the puget sound. In fact the Evergreen basketball team is called the Geoducks and has a big geoduck as a mascot and a song to go along. link I never sold any, I was just a sea penis jockey. Edit: I don't know sports.

[–]CorneliusJack 7 points8 points ago

That costume... why green?

It looks like a sparkly pickle stuck between a bra.

Edit: Oh, nevermind, it's the mascot of 'Evergreen'.

[–]groggymouse 4 points5 points ago

And the school motto translates to "Let it all hang out." Y'know, just in case anyone is pondering whether that mascot was chosen out of innocence or naivete.

[–]C_T_C_C 28 points29 points ago

I believe these were featured on an episode of dirty jobs with Mike Rowe...

[–]Jonny_Watts 5 points6 points ago

He ate one

[–]kraken_calamari 2 points3 points ago

Indeed! That was out here by the sound as well. Taylor United Shellfish was the company, I believe.

[–]Priapulid 57 points58 points ago

It is a worm, not a fish. Also They are more properly called "Spoon Worms"

Now that being said, there is a phylum of worms called "Penis Worms" (Priapulida they used to be lumped in with Spoon Worms (aka Echiurans) but they are different.

[–]jabels 8 points9 points ago

Don't know why this is buried so far down...it seemed pretty obvious that these were not fish. My first instinct was Sipuncula but you seem pretty knowledgeable. Somebody please get this guy an upvote!

[–]adoorbleazn 3 points4 points ago

I saw your username a while back and this is exactly what I thought of! I had to do a phylogeny project on them in my zoology class freshman year. I'm pretty sure we were only assigned to it so the professor could see everyone's faces when we went up in front of them and announced that we had studied penis worms for the past two months...

[–]swipecardblues 514 points515 points ago

Step one, cut a hole in a box...

[–]Creating_Logic 193 points194 points ago

Throw one in a condom, put some ketchup in the end, than toss it onto a sidewalk (maybe from an upper floor of a building).

Then go watch people's reactions.

[–]option_i 39 points40 points ago

Must happen...

[–]samoroasty 39 points40 points ago

Hopefully, while it's still wiggling for a while

[–]doughboy666 539 points540 points ago

Step two, put your Urechis unicintus in the box

[–]CandiruInYou 452 points453 points ago

Step three, have Kanye open the box

[–]Msj2705 198 points199 points ago

He does love his fish dicks.

[–]angerfluctuate 64 points65 points ago

Gay fish yo!

[–]stillakilla 105 points106 points ago

That's the way you do it!

[–]st_soulless 152 points153 points ago

Gay fish in a box!

[–]ProxyMuncher 54 points55 points ago

A fish in a box, girl...

[–]tresilk3 25 points26 points ago

WHATS IN THE BOOOOOOOX!!?!?!

[–]timeteo 39 points40 points ago

i guess i was expecting something that looks more like a fish and less like a penis

[–]thesi1entk 105 points106 points ago

I ate that in South Korea. They cut it up into little bits that still move a bit if you prod them with a chopstick. Didn't taste that bad.

[–]franklin_stubbs 129 points130 points ago

Makes the phrase "eat a bowl of dick" take on a whole new meaning...

[–]wickedgames 68 points69 points ago

That's a phrase?

[–]franklin_stubbs 45 points46 points ago

Yes, yes it is. Eat a bag of dick is also acceptable.

[–]yomotha 16 points17 points ago

Suck a bag of dicks!

[–]koji150 9 points10 points ago

I've had it as well. From what I remember it doesn't have that strong a flavor, you mostly taste the sesame oil and salt that you dip it in. It kind of has a rubbery texture which is probably weird to a lot of people. Then again I like eating strange foods.

[–]zeefomiv 48 points49 points ago

I ate that in South Korea.

Of course you did, them Koreans and their seafood...

They cut it up into little bits

Well, how else would you do it?

that still move a bit if you prod them with a chopstick.

NOPE NOPE NOPE

[–]theeternalnoob 6 points7 points ago

Oh, you are going to absolutely LOVE this. And don't forget to have a look at the frog legs in the first link!

[–]Akiba89 21 points22 points ago

NOPE

[–]touxbronchiqueetrhum 287 points288 points ago

OP would totally eat one.

[–]retrovolucioner 50 points51 points ago

An entire bag of fishes

[–]magnetard 15 points16 points ago

Here Suzie, take a blue one!

[–]KillaSwiss 26 points27 points ago

Suck a bag of Urechis Unicinctus

[–]franklin_stubbs 11 points12 points ago

I've eaten one...they're ubiquitous at Korean seafood markets.

[–]didyouevah[S] 155 points156 points ago

I would nevah!

[–]touxbronchiqueetrhum 39 points40 points ago

Kanye? Is that you?

[–]sirfaf 86 points87 points ago

[–]dude8462 46 points47 points ago

Ah you see that is the amazon penis fish, this is the Chinese penis fish.

wiki for the Chinese penis fish http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urechis_unicinctus

[–]Valiant4Funk 124 points125 points ago

I bet the Amazon penis fish is a lot bigger than a Chinese penis fish.

[–]4dprism 25 points26 points ago

incorrect. candiru is why u must always break the stream (when pissing in the amazon river). i wonder if u introduced them if the candiru would swim up the penis fish... seems likely

[–]DropbeatsNotbombs 14 points15 points ago

Although lurid anecdotes of attacks on humans abound, very few cases have been verified, and some alleged traits of the fish have been discredited as myth or superstition.

[–]SweetMisery2790 4 points5 points ago

how did I know that was going to be a food in China...

[–]AllisZero 17 points18 points ago

Growing up in the Amazon, the adults made sure to drill it into me that this shit was the stuff of nightmares, man. We were never supposed to go in the water without some tight clothing around our exposed orifices, especially after dusk.

Definitely not a fun little critter.

[–]thetreece 20 points21 points ago

Yeah, that's bullshit.

http://oi50.tinypic.com/fas9d2.jpg

[–]IamAhamsterAMA 7 points8 points ago

So essentially, some guy stuffed a fish in his penis and then lied about it. ಠ_ಠ

[–]TheMagicStik 9 points10 points ago

Apparently that is just rumors and there are no actual reports of a candiru swimming up a dudes piss stream.

[–]pinkpocket 15 points16 points ago

Whether it actually swam up a stream of urine I don't know. But I present this! Video of candiru removal from a man's urethra

[–]FilthyBojangles 16 points17 points ago

Yeah, I'm not watching that...

[–]sexybassman 4 points5 points ago

I'm still never going to pee in the Amazon River now just in case.

[–]ImDSK 8 points9 points ago

"The Candiru is the star of an urban legend — which turns out to be true — of a man who was urinating in the Amazon River when a 6-inch Candiru swam up his urine stream into his penis."

which turns out to be true

[–]DrunkenAss 27 points28 points ago

[Proof]

[–]PunkRockMakesMeSmile 14 points15 points ago

yep, there it is, right on the internet. Nice to have that settled

[–]profchaos83 17 points18 points ago

Now I know what Louis CK was on about when he was trying to visualise a "Bag of Dicks".

[–]HeyFunkyPianist 292 points293 points ago

I WANT THESE IN MY VAGINA. NOW.

[–]vapulate 455 points456 points ago

ichthyologist here. i'm sure with a little rinse, them squirming around inside would feel pretty amazing. however, make sure to take them out every now and then to keep them alive, because when they die, they explode and release their toxic innards that dissolve human tissue instantaneously.

[–]leliocakes 353 points354 points ago

YOU GUYS I AM TRYING TO EAT BREAKFAST, HERE

[–]AllTattedUpJay 71 points72 points ago

The thought of liquefied vagina prevents you from eating?

[–]OceansofLotion 54 points55 points ago

That's what makes me hungry.

[–]Mad_Max_Rockatansky 19 points20 points ago

I'd drink it with a straw.

[–]ma6ic 46 points47 points ago

[–]hammond_egger 29 points30 points ago

Eating breakfast while browsing WTF? Not recommended.

[–]Chispy 55 points56 points ago

NO REGRETS

[–]HOLOCAUST_IN_MY_ASS 40 points41 points ago

NO REMORSE

[–]C_T_C_C 19 points20 points ago

No.

[–]rhymenoceros_ 53 points54 points ago

[–]MiketGuy 14 points15 points ago

-Oh wow, this would work?

-Oh yeah... they'd need water. Makes sense.

-Uh...

-OH GOD.

[–]Archaeoptero 18 points19 points ago

All of my wat.

[–]UnclaimedUnderpants 5 points6 points ago

All of your twat.

[–]ImNotAWhaleBiologist 4 points5 points ago

I doubt you're an ichthyologist. If you were, you'd probably know that these are not fish, but sea cucumbers, an echinoderm.

[–]vapulate 13 points14 points ago

is that the only thing that gave it away?

[–]friendlyfaithplate 2 points3 points ago

these are actually another phylum entirely, probably Echiura.

[–]ImNotAWhaleBiologist 2 points3 points ago

Wow, thanks for that!

Didn't know these. Just looked kinda like sea cucumbers.

[–]meowmeo 4 points5 points ago

[–]Eddicus 18 points19 points ago

These is plural...I like where this is going.

[–]ifightfirewithwater 6 points7 points ago

This is even weirder because you are a man.

[–]CosmicBard 11 points12 points ago

Somebody's gotta get em in there.

I'm your man.

[–]UnclaimedUnderpants 13 points14 points ago

Literally a fish taco.

[–]TysGirlLola 10 points11 points ago

Except that it's not literally fish taco.

[–]FissureFilms 15 points16 points ago

Obviously NOT Kosher.

[–]Randomness425 9 points10 points ago

How big does it get?

[–]KamenRiderJ 31 points32 points ago

well depends of it's mood/arousal

[–]xPRIAPISMx 9 points10 points ago

Should I be worried if my penis does not look like that?

[–]fdg456n 2 points3 points ago

Yes. What does yours look like?

[–]ilyafancypants 3 points4 points ago

we need pictures

[–]KatieYijes 2 points3 points ago

Only if you're uncircumsized

[–]xPRIAPISMx 3 points4 points ago

Whew, I am circumcised, I was worried for a moment though.

[–]Aqeelk 54 points55 points ago

AKA my exe's favourite food.

[–]tbs41195 47 points48 points ago

Ex's*

[–]DeathMetalDave 166 points167 points ago

He clearly meant what he feeds to his Windows program.

[–]Msj2705 25 points26 points ago

It seems like some of my programs crash so much that all they do is sit around and choke on bags of dicks.

So yeah, probably talking about his Windows program.

[–]Antarius-of-Smeg 21 points22 points ago

Yeah. I hear that Aqeelk is a real .COMunist.

(That son of a .BATch is always fiddling with a .DLLdo too. Which is apt -cough- for this conversation.)

[–]cjdavda 6 points7 points ago

I just don't see how this is favorable from an evolution standpoint.

[–]modern_warfare_1 3 points4 points ago

Evolution doesn't just "pick" the best traits. If a mutation is favorable, it is only more likely to continue to be passed on because of the mutant's increased chances of mating. If a trait is not detrimental to the survival of the organism, then the trait can be continued to be passed down even if it not particularly helpful. Thus, you get penis fish.

[–]wingzero01913 25 points26 points ago

You sure they didn't just find a box of your moms dildos

[–]TastyBiscuit 35 points36 points ago

[–]jdtix 58 points59 points ago

[–]oilkmawsd 14 points15 points ago

you know,in china,people eats this,you can buy some easily in a seafood market.

[–]coiclaypool 24 points25 points ago

according to wikipedia, it "is commonly eaten raw with salt and sesame oil in Korea" ....I keep trying to imagine what the texture is like.

[–]crumb0167 10 points11 points ago

Reminds me of the awesome Rammstein song about the German cannibal. Mmmm chewy!

[–]ddanger 5 points6 points ago

Mein Teil!

[–]dayoon 5 points6 points ago

I would describe the texture as cold, slimy, cartilage? It's chewy and crunchy. It's really quite good if you're a fan of seafood. And it doesn't really smell or taste offensive.. just like a little seawater. Pretty awesome :^ ). Here's a photo of what it looks like after its prepared LINK

[–]cdj5024 3 points4 points ago

It's actually somewhat popular in Korea. They call it dog penis as a joke.

[–]Raynaudz 3 points4 points ago

These are all over Seoul,South Korea...fish tanks out on the streets, everywhere you look, flacid drowning penis.

[–]kleptobismol 1 point2 points ago

Definitely not Kosher

[–]Aarondhp24 3 points4 points ago

So that's what a bag of dicks might look like...

[–]thereisnonamesleft 4 points5 points ago

ITT: Lots of bad dick jokes.

[–]MetalxMessiah 2 points3 points ago

You obviously havent seen a gooey duck

[–]Narcoleptico 7 points8 points ago

geoduck, please.

[–]TheWinStore 2 points3 points ago

I hate to say it, but, uh...rule 34 anyone?

[–]Sandleafj17 2 points3 points ago

It was difficult, but I managed to fap to it.

[–]TheRealBroseidon 2 points3 points ago

Gives new meaning to the phrase, "eat a bag of dicks"

[–]Rfelt 3 points4 points ago

Cue nightmares about getting thrown into a pool full of penis fish and drowning in squirming phalluses.

[–]IAmTheColossus 2 points3 points ago

Those are innkeeper worms. They make U-shaped burrows in the mud, cover the top with a layer of their own mucus, and then eat the mucus when there's enough detritus in there for their liking.

[–]Don_Cornholeleone 0 points1 point ago

Andrew Zimmerman approved.

[–]Hector_Kur 2 points3 points ago

Finally, one can properly eat a bag of dicks if prompted.

[–]terriblehuman 2 points3 points ago

But what do they look like when they're circumcised?

[–]Finniono 2 points3 points ago

I kind of want to buy one of these now, stuff it in a condom, pour ketchup all over it, and drop it on a busy sidewalk just to see how people react.

[–]Sure_Enough -1 points0 points ago

Uncircumcised penis fish

FTFY

[–]321232 38 points39 points ago

which is the default position, so i guess the name still stands?

[–]not_that_original 10 points11 points ago

Uncircumcised penis is like saying corn on the cob. Should just be called corn. And it should just be called penis.

[–]wufoo2 8 points9 points ago

unmastectomized breasts

[–]CoreMcClair 1 point2 points ago

There are a few there that look familiar...

[–]chiagod 1 point2 points ago

Can we get a picture of those in a bag? For science?

[–]itsthepanda 0 points1 point ago

thats where it went

[–]Smeagol3000 0 points1 point ago

I thought it was going to be that one fish that swims up your urethra because it mistakes your urine for the uric acid expelled by the gills of fish.

[–]gomtuu123 1 point2 points ago

If you like these, then you're a gay fish.

Edit: Damn. It turns out touxbronchiqueetrhum beat me to it.

[–]AveryGo3sRawr 0 points1 point ago

Now imagine diving into a school of those

[–]bjarkebjarke 0 points1 point ago

The monthly penis-fish post.. Was worried it wasn't gonna come for november!

[–]Phys_Gunner 0 points1 point ago

Twist: None of those are fish

[–]courteous_coitus 0 points1 point ago

10 bucks...err...10 RMB says that pic was taken in a Chinese restaurant.

[–]iamst3 0 points1 point ago

I see mine!

[–]pez319 1 point2 points ago

The one in the middle looks like it has herpes

[–]IImahII 1 point2 points ago

Isn't THAT the one pink worm from spongebob...

[–]elretardado 0 points1 point ago

I bet they are from Japan!

[–]Slender_Loris 0 points1 point ago

Imagine if someone in Greece had found these while designing the God lore.

[–]Dapi 0 points1 point ago

I was hungry a couple seconds ago... not anymore

[–]londoncalling29 0 points1 point ago

Geoduck anyone?

[–]pieandkimche 0 points1 point ago

i see this a lot in korea in the fish market

cant think of much else i would rather eat less

[–]Scuttlebutt91 0 points1 point ago

Yummy

[–]XxvillianxX 0 points1 point ago

Why?

[–]oliver_h_really 0 points1 point ago

why do you have so many?!

[–]Wrecktrekstar 0 points1 point ago

Geoduck is delicious, by the way.

[–]DrunkleSwervy 0 points1 point ago

this looks more like intestines than dick. I feel qualified to say this. Because I have one. A dick that is.

[–]Staplegunned911 1 point2 points ago

As a scuba diver from the pnw we do this a lot to weird out and disgust the new guys http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=iP-NDCTEi6k&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DiP-NDCTEi6k

[–]dougal24 0 points1 point ago

One of them has chlamydia

[–]antihypothesis 0 points1 point ago

is the common name for it "geoduck"?

[–]pdmcmahon 0 points1 point ago

I dunno guys, for some reason I'd rather see a penis fish versus a fish penis, but whatever floats your boat.

[–]purplelimes 0 points1 point ago

I now have a much better idea what Louis CK is talking about when a guy told him to suck a bag of dicks...

[–]CareForceOne 0 points1 point ago

Why is it called "The Penis Fish"?

[–]yoddita 1 point2 points ago

Ariel!!! Put that urechis down! It might have. . .crabs ;D

[–]Chaplin_Wannabe 0 points1 point ago

reminds me of King Kong... fuck that scene...

[–]seand 0 points1 point ago

alternative title: I said fish-STICKS!

[–]bhender 1 point2 points ago

CORNDOGS!!!!

[–]SANDBOX1108 0 points1 point ago

Well you can see who the asian fish were

[–]AikawaKizuna 1 point2 points ago

I suddenly got flash back of Fate/Stay Night Sakura's path now...

[–]libretumente 1 point2 points ago

This should be x-posted to /r/AWW pronto

XD

[–]Kizwik -1 points0 points ago

WTF..even the fake penis fish are bigger than my dong! fml..

[–]quiksilver10152 0 points1 point ago

I can finally suck a bag full of dicks. Finally...

[–]Benay21 0 points1 point ago

Why? Why did I click on this?

[–]spodex 0 points1 point ago

Do I have to make them all cum?

[–]procom49 0 points1 point ago

peenus!!

[–]April_Fabb 0 points1 point ago

Now all we need is a fish resembling a pair of testicles, and have the two meet. Dunno why, but i'd love this meet-up to be moderated by OAG, set to the score of Saladfingers' theme. (It's Boards of Canada, right?)

[–]essentially 1 point2 points ago

The freshman class at the Tel Aviv Mohel training Institute eagerly awaited their first lab session,

[–]alBROgge 0 points1 point ago

I wonder what they taste like

[–]Brantastic 0 points1 point ago

The Dong Fish...I like that.

[–]BosskHogg 0 points1 point ago

The penis of the Penis Fish looks like Danny Devito

[–]reddit_user13 0 points1 point ago

[This] is commonly eaten raw with salt and sesame oil in Korea and in part of Japan.

Oh, you, Japan!

[–]datdeletedaccount 0 points1 point ago

Finally, a bag of dicks!

[–]rolex97 0 points1 point ago

the fuck..

[–]boomtakzaag 0 points1 point ago

Probably beats icicling

[–]Fookananer 0 points1 point ago

I did it, I won reddit! Everything on the front page is a repost.

[–]julywildcat 0 points1 point ago

[–]rosequeen 0 points1 point ago

My mom asked if it tasted good...

[–]nononooooo 0 points1 point ago

These things are served still wiggling: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvLhb-iyXKE

[–]NukeMeister 0 points1 point ago

Asians eat that as sushi or put it on seafood soup. It's pretty tasty, but I couldn't even try sushi...