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top 200 commentsshow all 321

[–]RedRupee 204 points205 points ago

"our grate lord." Perfect finishing touch!

[–]borring 65 points66 points ago

Y'all need Cheesus!

[–]LordCheezus 36 points37 points ago

Present!

[–]CapnPrice 6 points7 points ago

2 years nice. Karma approved

[–]Dradshire 4 points5 points ago

This post reminds me of the cheeto shaped like jesus on the crucifix

[–]MacAndCheesus 2 points3 points ago

add macaroni, and you've got me!

[–]done_holding_back 5 points6 points ago

I only wish it said it on the grater itself, so if I bought this the pun would not be lost on people.

[–]Meanfacemick 183 points184 points ago

I got kicked out of a class is high school for crucifying a string cheese with googly eyes and a paper beard on a popsicle stick. And I totally called him cheesus.

[–]BubbaRay88 269 points270 points ago

I got kicked out Sunday School when I was 7 for drawing Noah's ark on fire and the animals all jumping overboard in flames as some WWII Japaneses Zeros strafed The Arc.

[–]OmegaArcadia 46 points47 points ago

Never forget.

[–]BubbaRay88 43 points44 points ago

Dec 7th, 2,000 BC.

[–]ColdFire75 39 points40 points ago

I read that while leaving the page, I had to come back to upvote you!

[–]Cobyba 6 points7 points ago

that's almost stranger than hitler masturbating.

[–]BubbaRay88 24 points25 points ago

I was a 7 year old who was obsessed with The Titanic and Pearl Harbor. So naturally I see a picture of a boat and go, "Hmm, lets make it sink...WITH FLAMES."

You should have seen the look on the nun's face when she saw what I was doing.

[–]Cobyba 9 points10 points ago

Man, the stories I find on reddit. Btw that's hilarious and kind of sad, getting kicked out for artistic creativity and imagination.

[–]iCamasHD 2 points3 points ago

How could they kick him out for insulting their religion? (If it even happened...)

[–]demsix 13 points14 points ago

In my religious studies class I got sent down a set because we was asked to draw "what you think the gates of heaven look like". So I drew people falling to hell while good people where given parachutes to land on a cloud and laughed at people who where 'bad'.

Catholic schools suck, but it was RE, who fucking cares. (Ended up getting a B in RE at GCSE)

[–]Kittyginochko 10 points11 points ago

We was? You can tell you went to the wrong kind of Catholic school.

[–]tyranosisyphus_rex 3 points4 points ago

Kind of an assumption maybe?

[–]cheezus_lives 9 points10 points ago

You called?

[–]HappyTissue 25 points26 points ago

Cheesus be with you

[–]Jesus_Faggot_Christ 60 points61 points ago

Cheesus is the whey.

[–]joshsg 16 points17 points ago

WWCD?

[–]CraigChrist 8 points9 points ago

What Would Craig Do?

[–]Murch23 6 points7 points ago

Craig Christ.

[–]owlsrule143 1 point2 points ago

WWDC. World Wide Developers Conference

[–]cheesuscristos 14 points15 points ago

I am with everyone my son.

[–]SpermWhale 5 points6 points ago

You know why Cheesus went to clouds? What else, but to meet the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[–]LovingSweetCattleAss 2 points3 points ago

Hey, spaghetti, cheese grater and cheese: sounds like the holy trinity to me.

EDIT: hey =/= he, even if in dutch it is.

[–]somanyroads 0 points1 point ago

That's fantastic...they kicked you out for artwork: there's a school it would have been almost a privilege to be removed from.

[–]digitalfx 74 points75 points ago

I find this offensive! I'm lactose intolerant!

[–]minustheberry 30 points31 points ago

Perhaps you shouldn't have cheesed off the big man

[–]Mr_Handstandz 29 points30 points ago

I find your humour grating sir.

[–]minustheberry 22 points23 points ago

To Brie honest, my humour is a bit cheesy.

[–]Lemurrific 14 points15 points ago

You're a Munster!

[–]So-Do-Me 6 points7 points ago

You're a fookin' goat.

[–]Kradiant 5 points6 points ago

Leicester not get ahead of ourselves.

[–]exomiller 3 points4 points ago

i thought that it was a gouda joke.

[–]T-Ravi 31 points32 points ago

And lo the lord said unto thee, take of me this quesadilla for it is my body...

[–]senorchaos718 24 points25 points ago

Open in queso emergency.

[–]polite_bulb 7 points8 points ago

One summer I was getting chased by a hornet, and instinctively shouted "beesus christ"

[–]Poetry_Corner 21 points22 points ago

Gather round children.

Our father, who now farts in heaven,

Used to say 'Hallowed be thy cheese',

Now he's gone, my service is done,

In the kitchen as well as in heaven,

He would give us this our daily Cheddar,

But forgive us our grating skills,

As we forgave him for making us do it,

But lead us not into cheesy temptation,

And deliver us from being evil like him,

For he used to say,

'Thine is the kingdom, the power, the glory,

The ruler of all that is,

But the holiest cheese you ever shall eat,

Is named after the bastard 'Swiss'',

Amen.

[–]Teh_Hicks 1 point2 points ago

Why are you so low??? This should be up at the top!

[–]minustheberry 14 points15 points ago

They're really milking the puns there

[–]troyv21 15 points16 points ago

Gouda one!

[–]dm6776 9 points10 points ago

This post is so relevant to this subreddit, right?

[–]ElagabalusCaesar 12 points13 points ago

No, you want /r/funny, not /r/atheism

[–]jgosche 4 points5 points ago

The thing is, you don't need actual good content here.

[–]Canyonerro 45 points46 points ago

So why is this in r/atheism?

[–]MozzarellaSquirrel 6 points7 points ago

please x post this to /r/cheesus

[–]whale_pubes 11 points12 points ago

Go to /r/trueatheism. It's one of the few atheist subreddits that aren't a constant circlejerk.

[–]samout 5 points6 points ago

There's a true -version of every subreddit. I find that hilarious. I wonder if there's a true-spacedicks too...

[–]glow442 9 points10 points ago

Until r/atheism gets a hold of it.

[–]whale_pubes 7 points8 points ago

It won't. The reason this subreddit has so many trolls is because it's a default. Plus the mods over there are great.

[–]Redneckistan 4 points5 points ago

Cuz this place is full of angry douchebags

[–]badddog 16 points17 points ago

From the Cheeses of Nazareth Collection.

[–]Spacegost 4 points5 points ago

FiF FTW

[–]Dustin_Breadcrumbs 2 points3 points ago

I miss FIF.

[–]kinyutaka 3 points4 points ago

Am I the only one that thinks it looks more like Che than the classical Jesus?

[–]groomingfluid 3 points4 points ago

che-sus?

[–]etgggg 6 points7 points ago

It's funny how a similar joke was the subject of an episode of glee, which Reddit is oh so clearly superior to, but make the same joke minus the glee, and to the frontpage you go.

[–]Tamko 3 points4 points ago

Right next to the illuminated BBQ tongs. Where is this store.. must be in HEAVEN! I must go there and hallelujah!

[–]CasperTFG_808 2 points3 points ago

I want to buy a case of these as stocking stuffers for my Mother In-Law and the rest of their family.

[–]flaming_gonads 1 point2 points ago

Oh my curd!

[–]tolos 3 points4 points ago

So where do you buy this?

[–]God_of_Abraham 0 points1 point ago

Jesus would love this!

[–]owiepdot 2 points3 points ago

That thing looks like Jesus and Mona Lisa had a baby

[–]StacheMash 3 points4 points ago

Grumpy Cheesus?

[–]Bunnymancer 2 points3 points ago

So.. What store is this? My SO's parents are deeply religious and also in need of a smile. (Not entirely unrelated)

[–]KimiGibler 2 points3 points ago

Why would you post this picture to atheism?

[–]AvianMinded 2 points3 points ago

Late Night Slice in Columbus, Ohio has this pizza slice with another slice on top (think like a pizza sandwich.) It's called the 'Cheezus Crust'. They're huge, because a slice for them is like 1/6th of the pizza. So if you're not all that hungry you can get 'The Baby Cheezus' (half serving.) And if you're throwing a party you can get 'Your Own Personal Cheezus'.

[–]kevbawt 0 points1 point ago

Shut up and take my money.

[–]tannersnotreal 2 points3 points ago

I personally think that /r/atheism is the greatest subreddit on this site. This post proves it!

[–]andresito3000 0 points1 point ago

that's not a cheese-grater.. that is a sponge-ruiner

[–]backtackback 5 points6 points ago

My SO wants to open a pizza place someday and offer a pie called the Cheezus Crust, with toppings creating the image of the J-man.

Also, her son refers to Jesus as Cheezus because he is at the age where he comically mispronounces things. We don't correct him on that one, though.

[–]OnlySarcasm 4 points5 points ago

Ok fun fact about my child hood. When I was like 6-7 my parents were believing Jahovahs Witnesses. The only reason it pissed me off as a kid is because I had to wear a suit to church, but I digress. Anyways, they would let me draw in church instead of paying attention. I thought to myself, the least I can do is draw something that related to god in order to help worship. So I drew our savior, whom I thought was named Cheesus Christ. I literally just drew a square with arms legs and a face. My mom thought that it was cute because that is the best I could draw humans, but no I was drawing our lord and savior. Since I have become an athiest because fuck knocking on peoples doors.

[–]The_Minstrel 2 points3 points ago

Thank you.

[–]hat678 3 points4 points ago

Y'all motherfuckers need Cheesus.

[–]somanyroads 2 points3 points ago

Hell, why is this even in r/atheism, every Christian should be proud to own one of these: you get Jesus on every piece of cheese!

[–]yellownumberfive -1 points0 points ago

Pretty sure they sell these under Bob Marley's name as well.

[–]KamiTozzi 0 points1 point ago

The Jesiest

[–]Knight0fSpades 1 point2 points ago

Just .... why?

[–]sindex23 1 point2 points ago

Chesses is lard!

[–]theway00 0 points1 point ago

May Gouda be with you.

[–]TetrisKingFISH 0 points1 point ago

Inb4 the reddit pun machine.

[–]minustheberry 1 point2 points ago

So if Jesus is cheese, God must be milk and the holy spirit is grass... which explains why they say 'it's all around us' I GET IT NOW!

[–]captainsnag 0 points1 point ago

How's the cheesus priced?

[–]malmac 2 points3 points ago

You saviour money when you shop there.

[–]skimsmilk 0 points1 point ago

National Velveeta or What a Friend we have in Cheeses.

[–]Garryfre 1 point2 points ago

Holy holy is he!

[–]MikeDMesser 0 points1 point ago

I -must- have one for Christmas. You know - His birthday, and all.

[–]locotx -1 points0 points ago

I'm Catholic and I laughed

[–]5celery 0 points1 point ago

Not willing to sacrifice 1/3rd efficiency to air person.

[–]nicudeemus 0 points1 point ago

Depressing how many christians would buy that.

[–]Pearlsastinger 1 point2 points ago

Is there much demand for a Muhammad version?

[–]bedazio 1 point2 points ago

Which roman soldier cut the cheesus during the crucifixion?

[–]winniepoop 2 points3 points ago

This looks like another cheesy Urban Outfitters product.

[–]WouldIPutMyDickIn 1 point2 points ago

Cautiously...

[–]cheesuscripes 1 point2 points ago

My work here is done.

[–]Cookie1922 0 points1 point ago

where can I get one of these?

[–]buzzhavoc 1 point2 points ago

Praise Cheesus!

[–]ForeverReal 1 point2 points ago

[–]na4ion1 0 points1 point ago

lolz

[–]senseshaper 0 points1 point ago

Jesus' revenge: scourging cheese.

[–]warpfield 0 points1 point ago

It works best, apparently, on cheese made with milk from holy cows :)

[–]mtbsean 1 point2 points ago

It's holey.

[–]RealStyrofom 0 points1 point ago

do they make a Buddhist one? Something along the lines of "The Grate Gouda!"

[–]beetmedia 1 point2 points ago

Where did you find this? Must purchase!

[–]bjaeger11 1 point2 points ago

I was thinking of opening a pizza place called "cheesus crust". Good idea/name?

[–]FletcheRonin 0 points1 point ago

Taking the guess work out of findind Jesus in your food.

[–]mlima1 0 points1 point ago

What a ripoff... cheesus originally was a cheeto shaped like jesus.

[–]Godolin 0 points1 point ago

I actually kind of want one...

[–]Evildead818 1 point2 points ago

Available At Wallgreens

[–]groomingfluid 0 points1 point ago

reminds me of a lovely french tourist i met, who would comically exclaim "cheezus christ, get me some camembere!"

[–]moltencheese 1 point2 points ago

[–]mecrosis 1 point2 points ago

I must have this.

[–]Nidos 0 points1 point ago

Dafuq?

[–]MyKarmaKilledURDogma 0 points1 point ago

Blasphemy meets humor, I love it

[–]SecondaryFire 0 points1 point ago

All hail CHEESUS!

[–]hueuhuehue 1 point2 points ago

Where can I buy this?

[–]InsideOut172 1 point2 points ago

where can I buy this beautiful grater?

[–]craven25 1 point2 points ago

This thread is delicious! I want some Osama bin ramen

[–]CityFeelsClean 0 points1 point ago

"I told her to order you a box of baby Jesus'"

[–]DeFex 1 point2 points ago

Your own personal cheesus.

[–]chesus_christ 1 point2 points ago

Guys, guys, look here. It's me on reddit. And on the frontpage today!

[–]JacobTheHat 1 point2 points ago

Before I do it, has somebody started a long string of pun comments yet? Yes? No? Yes. I'll see myself out.

[–]electronicewok 0 points1 point ago

Did anyone else read that in Mr. Slave's voice?

[–]gaelicsteak 1 point2 points ago

[–]srgisme 0 points1 point ago

Cheesus Jeist

[–]avboden 0 points1 point ago

as if it wasn't already set in stone, if they end up being right, i'm sooooo going to hell.

[–]MVolta 0 points1 point ago

r/funny

[–]Pacific_Turbulence 0 points1 point ago

Why so sad, Savior?

[–]Cragstone 0 points1 point ago

so weird, I wonder how old this is. A guy I work with has been saying for months that he wants to open a pizza shop callled "Cheesus Christ" and even had puns for all the different pizza based on characters in the bible. most of them were prettttty blasphemous. and everyone knows blasphemy goes great with pizza

[–]The_Big_Salad 0 points1 point ago

Praise Cheesus!

[–]ampersanderson 0 points1 point ago

I don't think I could take off the packaging!

[–]Ryanizninja 0 points1 point ago

OH LORD CHEESUS, GET DA WATA CHEESUS!

[–]samvacc 1 point2 points ago

The thumbnail on the homepage looks like a Series of Unfortunate Events book cover.... just saying.

[–]4realthistime 0 points1 point ago

If that's paint, its gonna come off if your grate carrots or hard cheeses....

[–]Evilsj -1 points0 points ago

Oh god, I lost it at "Our Grate Lord"

[–]electric_bugaloo 0 points1 point ago

Please tell me where I can buy this!

[–]TorpedoMuffin 0 points1 point ago

Now we just need Jesus in the Jungle... And we have a rank recipe for a bad meal.

[–]MegaMatt999 0 points1 point ago

Religion wasn't often talked about growing up with my family, and until I was at least 7 I legitimately thought Jesus's name was Cheesus. For some reason my mental picture of him was a slice of processed cheese with arms and legs sitting on a stool in a dressing room. I have no idea why

[–]Viictory 0 points1 point ago

Sweet baby cheesus all grown up.

[–]HersheyPrincess 0 points1 point ago

There need to be an accompanying Cheesus board of the Lord with a Cheesus knife of life.

[–]c757peaches 0 points1 point ago

This reminds me of the episode in Parenthood, where Sophia Vergara tells her husband she wants "baby jesus." She was trying to say "baby cheeses." You know with her accent and all.....

[–]feor1300 0 points1 point ago

Is it wrong that I want this to come to Canada, just so they'd be forced to translate the "Our Great Lord" part into French. ("notre râpe seigneur")

[–]apteryx_274 1 point2 points ago

It looks like Eddie Vedder, I guess you really can't find a "Cheddar Man"?

[–]AdvocateForLucifer 0 points1 point ago

Can you explain how his image got so perfectly placed on the grater? No? Checkmate, Atheists.

[–]georgewk -1 points0 points ago

OH CHEESUS, OH LAWD CHEESUS, CHEESUS CHRIST NIGGA GET DA WATER!

[–]LordCheezus 1 point2 points ago

I approve this message.

[–]egregious_haircut 0 points1 point ago

WOTSIT MEAN??!?

[–]AnonymousHerbMan 1 point2 points ago

For those who don't know, the cheese comes back to life after 3 days.

[–]goobersayshey 0 points1 point ago

Looks more like Cheese Guevara

[–]kuatsimoto 0 points1 point ago

wait so in Spanish, would that be Quesus?

[–]NoctGent 0 points1 point ago

Looks like someone took a vector image of the mona lisa and added a beard and eye shadow.

[–]techatyou 0 points1 point ago

CORRECTION: CHEESIEST CHRIST LOL

[–]stealer0517 0 points1 point ago

Why is this in /r/ atheism? Should be in /r/ funny

[–]breezyshoreline 0 points1 point ago

who cut the cheese?

[–]ThePersonalCheesus 0 points1 point ago

Aw yiss.

[–]Hydrothermal 0 points1 point ago

I feel like I'm missing something here, but could anybody explain to me how this is related to atheism?

[–]nittygrittyloven 0 points1 point ago

any one else say 'cheesus christ' like mr slave from south park?

[–]conman3 0 points1 point ago

What would cheesus do?

[–]tommytacos 0 points1 point ago

Ill take the illuminated bbq tongs.

[–]AntonChigur 0 points1 point ago

I would sooooo buy that

[–]tehzephyrsong 0 points1 point ago

That is the saddest Jesus I've ever seen.

[–]A_for_Anonymous 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this scene. Somebody should start a business like this.

[–]VsAcesoVer 0 points1 point ago

¡Quesus Christo!

[–]JohhnyTopside 1 point2 points ago

Not sure why this is on /r/atheism, I'm Christian and I find this hilarious.

[–]Pillagerguy 0 points1 point ago

The problem is that without the packaging you just seem like a jesus freak.

[–]galty9283 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only that saw this and immediately thought of the lispy "Cheesus Christ" from slave on South Park?

[–]ryanasimov 0 points1 point ago

It would be funnier if the package didn't have the words "cheese grater" on it.

[–]poof312 0 points1 point ago

Reminded me of a cracker brand I was going to start:

"Leibnitz crackers. The best of all possible crackers."

[–]0123789 1 point2 points ago

And humanity has reached its highest point!

[–]89rovi 1 point2 points ago

Why is this in /r/atheism?

[–]youdidntreddit 1 point2 points ago

This is the best r/atheism post of all time, hilarious.

[–]partialdread 0 points1 point ago

That's not Jesus, that's this guy

[–]nolanater5711 0 points1 point ago

Sweet Cheeses!

[–]Nutsackstapler 1 point2 points ago

So.. They sell these on Amazon. This will not be a purchase I'll regret.

[–]ddrt 1 point2 points ago

I'm going to move to Jerusalem and open a dairy store called Cheeses of Nazareth.

[–]Greywyn 0 points1 point ago

More like Cheesus Sliced

[–]widowedsoul 0 points1 point ago

Why is this in r/atheism? It would be more fitting in r/christianity.

[–]CheesusDairyMessiah 1 point2 points ago

You rang?

[–]mharo 1 point2 points ago

I, for one, welcome our new grater overlord.

[–]koavf 0 points1 point ago

This is painfully stupid and not about atheism.

[–]CheesesofNazzerath 0 points1 point ago

I approve this cheese related comment!

[–]4tw0 0 points1 point ago

Look at us! None of us believe in Jesus, but we'll upvote it anyway

[–]Kanodean 0 points1 point ago

Cheesus normally doesn't cut the cheese but when he does, he is grateful

[–]eddardsnark 1 point2 points ago

Quesos Christo!

[–]ww_ggg_d 0 points1 point ago

Jesus wants to rape your cheese.