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If you can't beat them, join them. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by iwanttogotohell

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[–]Dick_GraysENT 30 points31 points ago

Lesson 1

Lesson 2

[–]asdfcasdf 10 points11 points ago

Don't forget to learn piano. (Feat. Bo Burnham)

[–]bryanplayspiano 1 point2 points ago

Piano doesn't help... :(

[–]daysex 1 point2 points ago

Bass guitar

[–]heh_wut 0 points1 point ago

no, no. a GIRL playing bass is hot not necessarily a guy.

[–]elkins9293 26 points27 points ago

I think that's Jared Leto...

edit: definitely is.

[–]vanel 10 points11 points ago

Yep, I thought so also.

Pretty sure he's fairly adept at pulling ass even without that guitar lol, whether he's a douche I really don't know.

His acoustic stuff is pretty damn good, considering a lot of people don't think he can sing.

Here's another good one.

[–]Lurkinlincoln 0 points1 point ago

my thoughts exactly!

[–]right_foot -1 points0 points ago

So, yeah. Douche with a guitar.

[–]sonniecg 0 points1 point ago

well he is a huge douche

[–]WIDE_OPEN_BEAVERS 0 points1 point ago

how to get girls - 1.Look like Jared Leto. 2.Don't not look like Jared Leto.

[–]LascielCoin -1 points0 points ago

It's not just about the looks, he isn't that good looking. He is extremely confident and just looks cool all the time, that probably makes him way more attractive than his appearance does.

[–]highd 1 point2 points ago

I don't really get what you are saying. Jared Leto has been a fantasy boy for Gen Exrs since My So-Called Life. He is really great looking and since he has an attitude of I don't give a fuck it makes him even better looking. It also explains why he is so willing to be a free spirit with his looks.

[–]WIDE_OPEN_BEAVERS 0 points1 point ago

I don't think this user has really seen Leto. The dude is freakin pretty.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]IReason 3 points4 points ago

I ain't clickin' this one either.

[–]unclepickle1 45 points46 points ago

I've never seen a douche with a guitar get a woman.

[–]xVictor 36 points37 points ago

...maybe because they're stuck up cunts.

[–]heyblair 6 points7 points ago

Do you mean that their penises are always trapped inside vaginas and that's why you never see them in public getting women?

[–]xVictor 10 points11 points ago

Douche bag = something that is literally stuck up a cunt.

My attempt at a witty post

[–]MyLastNameIsSummy -1 points0 points ago

The wittiness was great. It's ok.

[–]kokowam -1 points0 points ago

The douche is stuck up the cunt, not the bag that contains them. Which is why the joke remains valid as it never called the guitarist a "douche bag!"

[–]heyblair 0 points1 point ago

OH! Ok. I also thought you were calling guitar guys "stuck-up cunts." I had forgotten what an actual douche bag was. Well, that was fun.

[–]learn_after_reading -1 points0 points ago

no their guitars

[–]qwop88 18 points19 points ago

Douche here. It works about 1 out of 4 times. The downside is that it's usually the crazy girl majoring in English becauase she didn't know what to pick, not the one studying to be a neurosurgeon.

Also, be in college.

[–]jmc_automatic 4 points5 points ago

It also depends on the songs you play.

Step 1: learn "I will follow you into the dark"

Step 2: Be attractive.

Step 3: Don't be unattractive.

[–]qwop88 0 points1 point ago

"may angels lead you in" and "swing life away" are absolutely fucking crushers. "Iris" if she's older than 25. It's like cheating.

[–]Gargilius 6 points7 points ago

...I don't think the goal here was to catch neurosurgeons, but I may be wrong. In that context, a 25% success rate ain't bad.

[–]qwop88 1 point2 points ago

Eh, I like smart chicks.

[–]EddieRattlehead 0 points1 point ago

You are right! thats 25% bigger chances of scoring then i'll ever get!

[–]MadDogTannen 14 points15 points ago

As someone who has been playing guitar for 20 years and never gotten a woman because of it, I second this.

[–]evilbananaman 11 points12 points ago

but do you play exclusively in public?

that's what separates guitar douches from guitar players

[–]boatss 3 points4 points ago

No one plays exclusively in public. Don't be daft.

[–]NuclearWookie 7 points8 points ago

By the sound of the douches with shitty acoustic guitars sitting outside of my dorm, I think you may be wrong.

[–]boatss 2 points3 points ago

Damn. I feel for you then. My condolences five.

[–]BrahCJ 4 points5 points ago

I like to think that I am living proof that it is possible to be the "douche with the guitar" without being a douche.

The guitar can be used as a tool to pique interest initially. Too many guitarists see this result and think they're going down the right track. Truth is, after one song you MUST put the fucking guitar down and talk to the women.

Otherwise you just end up being the soundtrack to other men picking up.

Leave them asking for more.

Important note: It's helpful to also be good at signing. People will shut up for one song. Then you just become background noise.

[–]NuclearWookie 4 points5 points ago

The guitar can be used as a tool to pique interest initially.

Exactly. The guitar is a doucheprop and you are a douche.

[–]duffdurfman -1 points0 points ago

Yeah and using a tools to build things is cheating. Only douches use hammers.

[–]BrahCJ -2 points-1 points ago

shrugs

By your definition many things could be included into that category. It would have been foolish of me not to make use of the tools available to me. Sorry you think I'm a douche. Also sorry if I banged your highschool crush.

[–]le_utilisateur 0 points1 point ago

It's essential to be good at signing, girls always ask for your autograph after one song.

[–]BrahCJ -1 points0 points ago

I once had a girl sneak a photo of me... It was super awkward. That one kinda did freak me out.

[–]le_utilisateur 0 points1 point ago

So now you can relate a bit to girls who complain they are "too pretty" and get stalked all the time.

[–]BrahCJ 0 points1 point ago

Oh Lord no. My new friends in my new city hardly even know I sing. Those were the good olde highschool days. I wish it was still that simple!

[–]ChollaIsNotDildo 0 points1 point ago

It's essential to be good at signing

I don't have a problem with deaf women, but I tend to cast my net wider.

[–]smashybashy -1 points0 points ago

Have you recently been in a high school?

[–]TuctDape 0 points1 point ago

You also need to be able to sing relatively well.

[–]ChollaIsNotDildo 0 points1 point ago

My guitar playing is competent but not brilliant. My singing is like Tom Waits with a head cold, or (as Leo Kottke described his own singing) goose farts on a muggy day. And I'm not a handsome guy. It still works.

One difference from some other posters-- I am loud, and I perform. I don't just sit quietly in the corner.

[–]Midlothianer 0 points1 point ago

I occasionally pick up a guitar at parties thinking it'll help me pick up a girl. Inevitably I end up forgetting about picking up girls, so I can focus on getting this finger-style rendition of Concerning Hobbits just right because damn I had this yesterday. I end up sitting in a corner alone, basically just practising guitar by myself.

[–]lolserbeam 6 points7 points ago

It actually works. I got to college, and then I got a girlfriend the first time I pulled out my guitar in the girls dorm.

[–]brianbrianbrian 0 points1 point ago

I'm imagining a drunk half-dressed dude wielding an acoustic guitar like a club, threatening girls to make out with him or else.

[–]Punkster93 11 points12 points ago

It's not about the guitar playing, it's about the singing. That's what girls love.

[–]WatchYourTone 14 points15 points ago

Singing songs they know.

[–]bretticusmaximus 13 points14 points ago

Freshmen year I had the idea to pick up chicks by playing guitar. I left my door open and played -- sure enough a couple come right in. "Can you play some [indie band I'd never heard of]?" "No, but I can play some Metallica." They left soon after.

[–]WatchYourTone 23 points24 points ago

If you try to pick up chicks with metal, you're going to have a bad time.

[–]black-beast-of-arrrg 4 points5 points ago

Yeah metal is pretty much a leg closer. I don't bring up my musical tastes till after I've slept with them.

[–]Midlothianer 2 points3 points ago

"Aw that was really pretty, did you write it? I've never heard it before."

"Me? God no, that was the National Anthem of the USSR."

She left pretty soon after that.

[–]ChollaIsNotDildo 1 point2 points ago

Stick to the Internationale next time. Much better pulling power with that.

[–]clownyfish 11 points12 points ago

This is really it.

1) Being good at guitar is impressive but won't entertain for more than a few minutes. You'll fast become the background music to other people enjoying themselves.

2) Start singing, that's cool as well. Don't get too hung up singing full songs, either; you'll find after the first chorus, people are less interested.

3) Sing only songs which flatter your voice. Don't push your range in public. Just sing nice and easy, keep it relaxed and don't be afraid to make eye contact and enjoy yourself. Flash a smile every now and again.

4) Once you've spotted a girl or two you think you might fancy, finish up that song, make eye contact, and start chatting. Move the conversation away from music as soon as tactfully possible. Now you're chatting with some lovely ladies of your choice.

It's basically a mating call. Use these tips wisely or learn the hard way.

[–]heh_wut 0 points1 point ago

or i can just jam out and not give a fuck!

takes out electric guitar

[–]USxMARINE 0 points1 point ago

Labeled douche

[–]heh_wut 0 points1 point ago

D:

[–]USxMARINE 0 points1 point ago

Rocks out anyway

[–]Infinator10 2 points3 points ago

4 chords, man...

[–]Punkster93 0 points1 point ago

Want me to play Wonderwall?

[–]na85 10 points11 points ago

I fucking hate Guitar Guy at parties. If you want to learn guitar, that's cool. But don't be Guitar Guy at parties, because Guitar Guy kills parties and turns them into 20 people not talking, and just sitting in a room in silence, listening to half-assed renditions of Flight of the Conchords.

[–]That0neGuyIKnow 3 points4 points ago

TIL that no one likes guitarists.

[–]PrimeIntellect 3 points4 points ago

they don't like some weird idea of guitarists they got from movies and listening to people who barely know how to play

[–]PrimeIntellect 14 points15 points ago

fresno sucks

[–]Shaqueta 8 points9 points ago

I will always upvote Fresno hate from my CSU Fresno dorm

[–]hanf_solo 6 points7 points ago

Fresno: Fuck it, at least it's not Hanford.

[–]soupykins 2 points3 points ago

Hanford is a craphole and their water tastes awful.

[–]exploited 1 point2 points ago

I like to say FresYES!

[–]dayvieee 2 points3 points ago

central valley sucks in general...

[–]Up_to_11 0 points1 point ago

but...but Sacramento...

[–]dayvieee 4 points5 points ago

Sacramento is what I considered nor-cal.

[–]Up_to_11 2 points3 points ago

Dodged a bullet there.

[–]wang2thechung 0 points1 point ago

Thank you, I knew someone would say it...and it is full of douches

[–]chokochika96 1 point2 points ago

:( Well we do have a lot of meth addicts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUidxS8VnE8 hmmm

[–]EngineF 4 points5 points ago

They get women because they're a self-absorbed douche, the guitar has nothing to do with it.

[–]creepyeyes 3 points4 points ago

As a non self-absorbed guitar player, I can confirm I have 0 women.

[–]eromitlab 4 points5 points ago

Hey, you're Jason Mraz!

I'm not Jason Mraz, I'm just a guy with a hat.

Yeah! That's who Jason Mraz is!

[–]bender_2982 6 points7 points ago

Was amused when watching the credits to discover that Jason Mraz actually provided that guy's voice.

[–]satan_loves_you 2 points3 points ago

I've never been more compelled to become a douche.

[–]bmoviescreamqueen 2 points3 points ago

Can't BE Jared Leto. Nope.

[–]elkins9293 2 points3 points ago

Oh no. It is.

That man is NOT a douche.

[–]bmoviescreamqueen 0 points1 point ago

I've heard he is, now that you mention it, which makes me super sad because he looks very nice.

[–]elkins9293 0 points1 point ago

Really? From the way he treats his fans, I'd certainly say otherwise. He has the ability to be a big shot asshole because of his acting and music careers, but from what I can tell through his fanbase, hes absolutely not.

[–]bmoviescreamqueen 0 points1 point ago

Well that's what I thought, he looks so involved, but I've heard some people who have met him and say he's a huge douche to people. Haven't met him myself so I can't say.

[–]Downhillrunner 2 points3 points ago

This makes me think of Mike Birbiglia's "Guitar Guy at the Party"

[–]MidKnight007 1 point2 points ago

559 area code? That's in fresno

[–]iwanttogotohell[S] 2 points3 points ago

Yup. It's on Olive outside Zen Wok Fusion.

[–]MidKnight007 -1 points0 points ago

I check it out myself tomorrow, hopefully it's still up

[–]iwanttogotohell[S] 2 points3 points ago

And I'll hang out in the nearby bushes and creepily wait for you.

[–]MidKnight007 1 point2 points ago

Win win for both of us

[–]YouSmellLikeBurning 3 points4 points ago

There needs to be scientific studies performed on this phenomenon. The sound of a guitar being played automatically draws the attention of all females within hearing range, compelling them into investigating and gawking at the guitar player.

[–]The_Music 1 point2 points ago

It's funny. You dont even have to be good at singing.

[–]GabeRigade 2 points3 points ago

its not about the guitar playing (which sounds nice) or the singing (which sounds nicer). its those 2 small parts combined with a healthy dose of confidence and talent. THATS what (most) women are attracted to, the music is just nice to hear.

[–]patefoisgras 6 points7 points ago

Fuck getting girls, I like my music.

/foreveralone

[–]GabeRigade 2 points3 points ago

i hear ya. im actually pretty good but i refuse to play in front of anyone. too scared i guess. ill take alone time jammin over pickin up chicks in a douchey way any day.

[–]patefoisgras 0 points1 point ago

I do reserve some nice "performance" songs like those by a Japanese finger-style player named Kotaro Oshio and maybe Ghibli studio's ones (composer Joe Hisaishi) for celebrations with close friends/family, but most of the time I just try to play Bach to myself.

[–]GabeRigade 2 points3 points ago

much better player than i am. although i didnt start till i turned 26. i mostly port rock and metal songs over to acoustic and add my own touches. tried writing songs, turns out im not very creative.

[–]patefoisgras 0 points1 point ago

I wouldn't say I'm any good; I just spend a lot of time practicing when I find a song I really like. I haven't tried writing any songs but after having digested quite a few songs with a certain theme of melody, I did come up with something sounding similar. It's kind of a weird moment, sitting there, humming to something you've never heard before.

[–]ShakaZulu1 0 points1 point ago

Had some guy that was on the Bachlorette come to my university to do an acoustic concert..no way in hell i was going to that.

[–]Mikeets 1 point2 points ago

Insane marketing.

[–]detrahsI 1 point2 points ago

So Patrick just called himself a douche?

[–]ember5050 1 point2 points ago

I've been playing guitar for 8 years and I never get women. Maybe it's because I'm not a douche.

[–]creepyeyes 1 point2 points ago

Same here man. I mean, not as long, but I've been playing piano that long and guitar for about 2 years now. Not a single lady as a result. Not even light flirting :C

[–]toweldayeveryday 0 points1 point ago

So when you call it really is Patrick...

[–]ImMikey 0 points1 point ago

Bugs bunny was always kind of a douche...

[–]JackTrueborn -1 points0 points ago

Jared Leto is a douche? He's one of the friendliest guys I've ever met.

[–]bender_2982 0 points1 point ago

This is a song i wrote last summer, its called "Water".

My hair is growing

Growing all the time

Look how sensitive i am

Cause my voice is so fine

Every beer i've ever had

Is on a shelf above my bed

And sometimes i put my speakers

Facing out my window

[–]Shrim 0 points1 point ago

Beautiful

[–]Peenackle 0 points1 point ago

As said douche, honestly it's great to be a soundtrack. I'm really awkward, but people love it if I'm just in the back, playing classical or whatever song. Perks is that I normally don't have to talk to many people, and I get to play music watch people!

[–]NameForMyAccount 0 points1 point ago

559....I know that place

[–]Thereminz 0 points1 point ago

spoiler: it only attracts other douches who also play guitar

[–]warrenlain -1 points0 points ago

Don't call Patrick, call warrenmusic. 2.5 million views today, baby.

[–]angelpuff 1 point2 points ago

I fucking hate this. there is a party, and a guitar in the room. Some douche picks it up. plays it and people can't really talk over his shitty strumming. now I scan the room and hide the guitar

[–]geebag 0 points1 point ago

Is there anything worse than bad guitar guy at a party?

[–]Put_What_in_My_Butt 0 points1 point ago

Hahahaha holy shit I can totally see an ad like this in the 559 area... Was this in Fresno by any chance?

[–]mushmyhead 0 points1 point ago

I want to downvote because i hate that douche... but i want to upvote because its cocky and i like it... im just so confused.

[–]newb0rn11 0 points1 point ago

Remember guys, don't play original songs, girls don't give a shit about that apparently. Instead, play faux-emotional covers of Katy Perry songs or even 'mash-up' two songs that follow the same chord progression to appear as if you have any original musical talent.

[–]guyver_dio 0 points1 point ago

I play guitar but I'm still not that douche. Most women don't get Steve Vai and I sound like a female cat being raped when singing.

[–]Overlorddd 1 point2 points ago

four chord song

[–]MC-Master-Bedroom 0 points1 point ago

That's right - get in touch with your inner douche.

[–]cboogie 0 points1 point ago

Dan Smith will teach YOU how to play guitar.

[–]tgots 0 points1 point ago

John Mayer should be the poster boy

[–]Ruck1707 0 points1 point ago

lol

[–]that_guitar_guy 1 point2 points ago

There's always that guy with the guitar playing a bad version of Wonderwall, thinking he's impressing people. Well I've got news for him.

Nobody likes that guitar guy.

[–]yyx9 -4 points-3 points ago

oh God, not more of them. Whenever I'm at a party and someone "breaks out the guitar to, you, just mess around a little hahhaha." Oh wait, let me play this one song I've painstakingly practiced over and over until I got it right, you know I'm just messing around though I'm not really trying. Fucking DICKHEADED MORONS. The only exception is my younger Brother who plays R Kelly - Ignition flawlessly.

[–]juice_of_the_mango -2 points-1 points ago

Oh boy... here we go...
Just when we were all starting to have a good time, here comes ______ with his guitar.
Let's bring the party to a screeching halt so that we can all behold his unparalleled musical talent.

[–]PrimeIntellect 3 points4 points ago

why would you stop partying because someone was playing music?

[–]BrahCJ 2 points3 points ago

Juice_of_the_mango is Ke$ha

[–]arfenhausen 0 points1 point ago

Women only like it if you can't play guitar for shit. Unless you're on stage and tearing it up being able to play will only hold you back.

[–]penisinthepeanutbttr 0 points1 point ago

The douche with a guitar never gets the women. It's the guy who frequents the clubs.

[–]kigoloeg 0 points1 point ago

The Nickle Nickle Nine huh... My home town is full of Douches nowadays.

[–]TheEpicSalad -2 points-1 points ago

And then John was the douche.

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