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top 200 commentsshow all 473

[–]jamesofmn 755 points756 points ago

You have poor strudel preparation skills.

[–]dmack1228 298 points299 points ago

Maybe OP should switch to pop-tarts.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 388 points389 points ago

The breakfast short bus.

[–]Battletooth 71 points72 points ago

The Wal-Mart brand Great Value Toaster Pastries are the poor kids' short bus breakfast.

[–]red321red321 16 points17 points ago

If you have cerebral palsy can you ride the short bus?

[–]slenderwin 48 points49 points ago

B-b-breakfast comes first. B-b-bitch.

[–]Battletooth 19 points20 points ago

I, uh, I don't know. Why the hell are you asking me? If you or someone you know has cerebral palsy, you may want to consult your school about that.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing a reference here, so that's why I gave a pseudo-realistic answer.

Edit: Typo

[–]Battletooth 68 points69 points ago

Oh. Okay. That answered exactly zero of my questions.

[–]jordanminjie 32 points33 points ago

Breaking Bad. You should probably just move along.

[–]Khiraji 8 points9 points ago

Hey now, don't be knockin' pop-tarts. Can't get a faster breakfast that tastes as good. Pop-tarts got me through freshman year in college.

[–]OkayAtBowling 6 points7 points ago

I hear that some wasteful jerk at school has a whole locker full of them.

[–]codesign 16 points17 points ago

You make a tiny cut in the corner, then use pressure to apply thin even strips. This one is not skilled in the art of strudel. You must not be fat enough.

[–]PedoJones 28 points29 points ago

Does he even strudel?

[–]MrProper 11 points12 points ago

Also poor lighting tools for photography.

[–]TheNaughtyHagraven 19 points20 points ago

Yeah, but at least he makes his own icing

[–]electricmice 66 points67 points ago

actually toaster strudels are one of the only products where the picture does look like the product. op's example has never happened to me.

[–]Mindelan 302 points303 points ago

You gotta warm up the cum packet first, and make a careful snip in the corner, pipe that shit like a birthday cake.

[–]ISuckAtMakingUpNames 46 points47 points ago

This is exactly what I do. I use a toaster oven, and just set the packet on top of the oven where it gets pretty warm. Be warned that the top of some toaster ovens get actually hot.

If you're using a toaster, just set the packet right next to the toaster so it can warm up.

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 44 points45 points ago

I kneed the packet. My toaster oven would probably set the packet on fire.

*knead

[–]mrs_awesome 11 points12 points ago

I hold mine a few inches over the top, and flip them back and forth.

[–]Red_AtNight 8 points9 points ago

Do you mean that you hit it with your knee?

Or that you knead it?

[–]ryants 31 points32 points ago

Peter North makes the best Toaster Strudels.

[–]KittyCanScratch 8 points9 points ago

I didn't know who that was, so I googled it. Thanks dick.

[–]cloned_again 12 points13 points ago

I just eat it separately because I'm lazy. Squeeze the shit right into my mouth.

[–]Mattrick 7 points8 points ago

Exactly, I throw mine in the microwave for 5 seconds

[–]r1y23 85 points86 points ago

I take a dump on the counter and use the warmth of my feces to warm up the packet. Kind of like in star wars when Han puts Luke in the belly of the thing.

[–]newloaf 20 points21 points ago

Why is this so so funny?

[–]PalermoJohn 15 points16 points ago

Stating something ridiculous in a straight, matter-of-fact way.

[–]LUV2ChUM 2 points3 points ago

Is it because he capitalized Han and Luke, but not Star Wars?

[–]DoWhile 7 points8 points ago

Ah, the ol' Tauntaun maneuver

[–]101Dickmations 3 points4 points ago

I put mine in my pocket while it toasts.

[–]joepaulk7 41 points42 points ago

I think your strudel is jaundiced.

[–]boardgameben 13 points14 points ago

It's lupus.

[–]someToast 21 points22 points ago

It’s never lupus.

it’s probably lupus

[–]Timibumatay 3 points4 points ago

Looks like leprosy to me.

[–]mikede88 150 points151 points ago

i think your icing is semen

[–]the_longest_shadow 244 points245 points ago

Didn't you read the thread title?

[–]heardlb 12 points13 points ago

Like fucking an apple pie but better

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 8 points9 points ago

Pastrylight...

[–]brygy24 5 points6 points ago

FROM HASBRO. May cause 3rd degree burns and sterility.

[–]soylent_absinthe 10 points11 points ago

I always suspected the Pillsbury Dough Boy was jacking it into my breakfast, and now I know.

[–]mikede88 3 points4 points ago

pretty sure the pillsbury dough boy himself is semen

[–]soylent_absinthe 4 points5 points ago

I asked my wife, and she says I don't taste like baked goods. Maybe I need more pineapple in my diet?

[–]mikede88 4 points5 points ago

Uh.. Ok?

[–]Deviathan 2 points3 points ago

I'm sure you say that to ALL the girls.

[–]tmrivas 53 points54 points ago

I don't think Gretchen Weiners' father would appreciate your remarks.

[–]SkaggieStyle 19 points20 points ago

So not fetch.

[–]boardgameben 4 points5 points ago

It's not going to happen.

[–]JTLightning 8 points9 points ago

You can't sit with us.

[–]InnuendoPanda 7 points8 points ago

Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person that knows about her nose job. Oh my God. Pretend you didn't hear that.

[–]Doom_Muffin 9 points10 points ago

We should totally just STAB CAESAR!

[–]none4gretchenweiners 4 points5 points ago

Lets just keep this our little secret and maybe he won't find out!

[–]nosprings 96 points97 points ago

That's you and your shitty camera's fault. Those things always look/taste delicious if you toast/ice them correctly.

[–]HollaJames 21 points22 points ago

To be fair it's not Toaster Strudels' fault you are terrible at breakfast. I mean NASA can land a rover on Mars and you can't land icing onto a Strudel from two inches away. Punishment = cereal with water, no milk, forever, until you die.

[–]RadioactiveSamurai 61 points62 points ago

....and they're still tasty as fuck.

[–]HorizonShadow 35 points36 points ago

I had toaster strudel for the first time in my life last week. I bought them expecting poptart substitute.

Oh man, they're so much better.

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 50 points51 points ago

And only three times the price!

[–]yakityyakblah 8 points9 points ago

Now take two, and put them together like a sandwich with the icing in the middle. You're welcome.

[–]DrRedditPhD 22 points23 points ago

The Pillsbury Double Down.

[–]DocJawbone 7 points8 points ago

It's true. Don't matter what they look like, they TASTE exactly like that package looks.

[–]TheRealBigLou 6 points7 points ago

Cardboard?

[–]DocJawbone 8 points9 points ago

Delicious napalm.

[–]akjake 22 points23 points ago

There's about a three second difference between frozen and burnt.

[–]Reesch 7 points8 points ago

Maybe if you knew how to freaking spread the icing it wouldn't look nearly as crappy.

[–]just-being-myself 7 points8 points ago

How the fuck did you make those look like frozen pieces of shit with cum on them? Ive never seen them look that disgusting in my life.

[–]ArborBanette 23 points24 points ago

Pro Tip: Butter knife.

[–]megamoze 18 points19 points ago

I don't use a butter knife because then some of the icing gets on the knife, and that's just that much less icing on my strudel.

[–]Artums 14 points15 points ago

You have to lick the knife!

[–]whatwouldscoobydo 5 points6 points ago

This. It is your reward for being a good leader and spreading the much needed icing to all parts of the strudel.

[–]PineNeedlez 6 points7 points ago

I just put the frosting in the middle of one of them and rub the two together.

[–]Forlarren 7 points8 points ago

Eat them like a sandwich frosting in the middle.

[–]spacebootsohno 3 points4 points ago

I too make my strudels as a sandwich. I like the pastry hot, the filling just above frozen, and the icing cold. The icing will melt and drip as you start eating, I combat this by continuously rotating the sandwich til the last bite. DELICIOUS!!!

Edit - Wildberry is where it's at.

[–]starwarscreature 7 points8 points ago

Pshhh! Amateur!

[–]laniastarpower 7 points8 points ago

I call Gretchen Weiners and complain every time I open a new box of Toaster Strudels.

[–]none4gretchenweiners 1 point2 points ago

So it's YOU who's been calling me!

[–]flyinglabrador 2 points3 points ago

"I don't think my dad, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be happy to hear about this...."

[–]omjezus 11 points12 points ago

needs a Brazzers logo.

[–]Dave41 9 points10 points ago

Squirt all the icing in one spot, use butter knife to spread...best way to ice a toaster strudel!

[–]Thameus 4 points5 points ago

Lighting. Lighting matters.

[–]FluffyPuddles 4 points5 points ago

They are delicious no matter what they look like.

[–]andrewsmith1986 5 points6 points ago

You will eat it and you will like it.

[–]kaliopi 2 points3 points ago

still delicious as fuck

[–]danielkuzmin 2 points3 points ago

Someone really likes toaster strudel.

[–]shaustin 0 points1 point ago

how dare you talk shit about toaster studel!

[–]buddyspiked 0 points1 point ago

Pop-Tarts.

[–]Khromasoul 2 points3 points ago

[–]Fraymond 1 point2 points ago

It's the strawberry man. That strawberry is the difference between glorious breakfast heaven and those moldy jizz crackers.

[–]debaked 1 point2 points ago

tip: make a toaster strudel sandwich with the icing in-between. Makes for a good icing:strudel ratio

[–]mars20 -1 points0 points ago

Can't see Strudel.

[–]iwtwe 0 points1 point ago

Looks like my Friday night!

[–]oopse3 -1 points0 points ago

They are still fucking delicious.

[–]thezooman123 0 points1 point ago

Those are still tasty

Fuck what they look like

[–]Sebguer 1 point2 points ago

You forgot the part where it's also ice cold in the middle.

[–]onzisw -1 points0 points ago

Pizza puff with jizz sauce

[–]kid_idioteque -1 points0 points ago

Looks like Strudel Bukkake.

[–]LetterD -1 points0 points ago

wish they didnt have HFCS.

[–]Evaluations -1 points0 points ago

Knives

[–]KEIS_ -1 points0 points ago

Just use the smooth end of a spoon to spread the icing around.

Then lick off the icing after using it on both strudels

[–]ginjah_ninjah 1 point2 points ago

only because you microwaved them and suck at frosting

[–]NuclearExchange -1 points0 points ago

toaster bukkake

[–]Agnostalypse -1 points0 points ago

Translation: You fucking suck at doing a simple task, and are blaming the product for your own ineptitude.

[–]b8b 0 points1 point ago

And yet they still taste great.

[–]KingofBread 0 points1 point ago

Any one else notice the resemblance between the empty icing packages and used rubbers? top left 2nd pic

[–]spinozasrobot -1 points0 points ago

Without context, picture on right = knish bukkake

[–]ebUTA 1 point2 points ago

Caption requires asterisk: *still delicious.

[–]JamesTrivettesHat 0 points1 point ago

Still deliciously sweet.

[–]TheOne1919 1 point2 points ago

I dont think that's icing...

[–]zipstack111 1 point2 points ago

I remember when toaster strudels hit the shelf, shit changed the game

[–]countfluffythetrout 0 points1 point ago

It's ok man, with practice you WILL make your toaster strudel, and it will be a five star presentation.

[–]DocJawbone -1 points0 points ago

Your toaster strudels look like a Cossack's head.

EDIT: Or is it a Hussar?

[–]LimeyPunk 0 points1 point ago

I have perfected my icing technique and it is very easy.

Take both packets of icing and tear them open. It doesn't matter if the packets have little slits or are ripped wide open. Next, squeeze both packets on to one of the toaster studels. Then place the other toaster strudel on top, sandwiching the icing between them. Slide the top toaster strudel off the bottom. The icing will melt completely and there will be a nice even coat on both strudels.

You're welcome.

[–]mrTlicious 0 points1 point ago

Anyone that still expects to get what they see advertised deserves to be disappointed.

[–]arnoldclone13 -1 points0 points ago

Every fucking time

[–]PhantomPhun -2 points-1 points ago

Juuuust a touch of operator error there...

[–]BrevityBrony -1 points0 points ago

NSFW

[–]Lan777 -1 points0 points ago

They truly are socks among pastries

[–]Cuntmaster_flex -1 points0 points ago

I came.

[–]Wednesdayayay -1 points0 points ago

so that is why people continue to buy them...huh

[–]garrettmikesmith 0 points1 point ago

You and only you are responsible for the crude icing job. Zig-zag your hand back forth; it's not that hard.

It helps if it's warm too.

edit: advanced Strudelers can attempt to draw pictures, like smiley faces or flowers.

[–]BigMacintosh501 1 point2 points ago

money shot

[–]transvestite_owl 0 points1 point ago

holy shit dude this should be NSFW

[–]Coolbreezy 0 points1 point ago

See, Maybe the first mistake was expecting some sort of higher quality from a food product with "Toaster" in its title...

[–]monstasanta 0 points1 point ago

Hey fuck off that's my cum. Get your own strudel

[–]wanttoseemycat -1 points0 points ago

If your strudels look like that and you're past the age of 6 you're going to be a terrible failure.

[–]ImExcessivelyVerbose 0 points1 point ago

Another acceptable title: "Fucking professional porn versus real life."

[–]Dunkelz 1 point2 points ago

Just going to come right out and say it, those empty frosting packets look exactly like used condoms.

[–]seth11111 0 points1 point ago

You suck at Toaster Strudels.

[–]taurus45 -1 points0 points ago

But they burn your mouth EXACTLY the same way.

[–]Octopus_Tetris 0 points1 point ago

Hey, if you have to fuck your Strudels, at least don't shoot your load on them. That way you can enjoy a nice post-masturbatory snack.

[–]Mad_Madam_Mim 0 points1 point ago

I guess taking a butter knife to spread it is too much work?

[–]bilateralchicken 0 points1 point ago

Fuck toaster strudels. I got incredibly sick from eating one once. Never again.

[–]liskoturri 0 points1 point ago

My microwave meal started to taste a lot better after seeing the image. Also, the serving suggestion is pretty spot on this picture.

[–]PlzBuryMeWithIt 0 points1 point ago

needs brazzers logo

[–]Girl_in_Pearls 0 points1 point ago

Icing packets: as easy to control as jizz!

[–]Petzl89 0 points1 point ago

pathetic effort...

[–]xilpaxim 0 points1 point ago

Your like those people in those ad shows. Or a bumbling fucking idiot, as I like to call them.

[–]ABCosmos 0 points1 point ago

Be sensitive.. OP is Michael J Fox.

[–]DMV_line12 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of my sex life

[–]Tier1Rattata 0 points1 point ago

honestly? i was 8 and able to get very close to the picture on the left... it's not hard to do.

[–]zombays 0 points1 point ago

How do you fuck up like that? Do you just tear open the frosting packet and put it on with your nose? I manage to do it exactly like the ads exactly

[–]mego 0 points1 point ago

As an adolescent, I had no idea how someone could become addicted to something like cigarettes. When I had my first toaster strudel - I understood.

[–]Sprengstoff 0 points1 point ago

I wish adverts would stop lying

[–]Calandresh 0 points1 point ago

Use a spoon to smear it, perfect errrrrtime.

[–]2_cents -1 points0 points ago

Risky click.

[–]Modstar_98 -1 points0 points ago

this looks like some one got too exited at breakfest!

[–]GrinningPariah 0 points1 point ago

Dude this isn't like the Expectation/Reality posts of like McDonalds burgers where you get them and they look shitty compared to the ads. I bet if you took a bite off one end and used the same camera the ad did, it would look just as delicious as the ad version aside for your shitty icing job.

[–]SuckinLemonz 0 points1 point ago

I always meet expectations.

[–]M3g4d37h -1 points0 points ago

They look like they were dipped in an asshole.

[–]fr00d 0 points1 point ago

pebsac

[–]Nage -1 points0 points ago

its not my fault you cum on your toaster strudels

[–]Gaddy -1 points0 points ago

Practice on your girlfriend.

[–]Eckophix 0 points1 point ago

Never in my life have I ever thought that I would be able to say this, but you sir/ma'am are absolutely awful at strudeling.

[–]bloomyself 0 points1 point ago

And that's after using up 3 of the icing packets.

[–]timothy90 0 points1 point ago

I always just cheated and spread the icing with a knife.

[–]Tuccker -1 points0 points ago

Looks like someone's spaffed all over your strudels.

[–]stinger503 0 points1 point ago

Fucking delicious anyway

[–]newman42 0 points1 point ago

we need /r/realitybites for stuff like this.

[–]cakeswithahuman 0 points1 point ago

They would probably look a lot better if you didn't beat off all over them.

[–]wearepog 1 point2 points ago

Still tastes amazing

[–]nemaramen 0 points1 point ago

I don't think I have to tell you what the icing looks like in that photo

[–]freddith_ 0 points1 point ago

still tastes good

[–]pink_meat_tickler 0 points1 point ago

is it just me or does it look like u just came on a breakfast

[–]carrionmyson 0 points1 point ago

This is an error! These are called pop-tards

[–]jamesherr44 0 points1 point ago

Sweet icing job. May I recommend a butter knife in which to spread the icing?

[–]SchecterShredder 0 points1 point ago

Dude you suck at preparing a pre-made meal. When I make them they come pretty close to the picture on the box.

[–]i_am_omega 0 points1 point ago

I always spread my frosting with a knife so it's evenly distributed and doesn't look like I squeezed out a used condom on it.

[–]reeno23 0 points1 point ago

10 seconds for two icings. Easy

[–]MyNameIsSoLonggggggg 0 points1 point ago

Cum-strudel

[–]Razorshroud 1 point2 points ago

[–]poonjam 1 point2 points ago

never seen a strude so brown. and that icing looks like cman

[–]K__squared 0 points1 point ago

Anyone remember the similar but oh so more delicious toaster scrambler from pillsbury? I still dream about them from my childhood but can't find them anywhere!

[–]khengstebeck 0 points1 point ago

but still delicious

[–]oliver_h_really 0 points1 point ago

op needs to quit putting jizz on strudels.

[–]wadad17 0 points1 point ago

The bottom one looks sad.

[–]BobbyDigital_ncsu 0 points1 point ago

you're not supposed to fap on your strudels. They come with a little pack of icing.

[–]emazzuca 0 points1 point ago

um, its not that hard..

just cut or tear the end of it, and apply gracefully,

if you squeeze it out like a pack of ketchup, that's what you will get,

DownVote for failing!

ahahaha the power

[–]Ryurra -2 points-1 points ago

OP blows.

[–]Random_Fandom 1 point2 points ago

You should x-post this to /r/ExpectationVsReality. Anyway, next time, try not to dribble the icing like that.
Just looks kinda... wrong.

[–]TRPalconFunch 0 points1 point ago

Don't you hate it when you're trying to prepare your morning pastry, and you accidentally ejaculate all over it?

[–]Guykilledmemel 0 points1 point ago

The trick is to get through 5-7 with no icing, and save it all up for the last one.

[–]demha713 0 points1 point ago

you can make it work the way they show it. practice, my son.

[–]IronLunchBox 0 points1 point ago

Well what do you expect? You placed your strudel on a paper plate.

[–]meach17 -1 points0 points ago

Did you just blow your load on that toaster strudel....gross man

[–]stoney_wan_kenobi 1 point2 points ago

how to improve your toaster strudel enjoyment...

  • buy 2 different yet complimentary flavors of strudels (for example apple + cinnamon, or any fruit + cream cheese)
  • cook one of each
  • as the strudels are cooking, (while the packet is still closed) massage the frosting packets to loosen it up a bit and then snip the corner of the packet to create a small hole
  • when they are done cooking, use both packets on the top of one strudel, then place the other on top to create a strudel sandwich

much less mess, and lets face it, you were going to eat 2 anyway.

[–]GoZags18 0 points1 point ago

Looks like you had a little protein spill on your strudel

[–]el_monstruo -1 points0 points ago

Still better than Pop Tarts.

[–]Thaver 0 points1 point ago

Hi I think you might just be a little special

[–]WeWillRiseAgainst 0 points1 point ago

Is OP Michael J Fox?

[–]DoodleBob88 1 point2 points ago

The internet ruined this picture for me.

[–]EvilThe13th 0 points1 point ago

Don't blame the pastry for your lack of artistry.

[–]Oasis69 0 points1 point ago

Ok I know toaster strudels are good and all, but I don't think you need to fap to them I mean seriously...maybe pizza rolls or something but toaster strudels? Cum on...

[–]JeremyTheMVP 0 points1 point ago

Toaster Strudels. John Holmes style

[–]Nenbran 0 points1 point ago

They look so tasty in the commercials, but when I make 'em, it always just looks like I jizzed on cardboard...and they don't even taste very good.

[–]IfYouSeeHerSayHello 0 points1 point ago

Who needs Toaster Strudels? I'm all about the Toaster Scrambles.