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top 200 commentsshow all 204

[–]Drunken-Historian 420 points421 points ago

I would buy an Insanity Wolf Christmas album.

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 189 points190 points ago

I'd play it softly in the background of my Christmas Eve gathering.

[–]Sobertese 87 points88 points ago

...Softly?

Impossible

[–]cgimusic 7 points8 points ago

That would be an insane thing to do. Wait... that means we should do it right?

[–]WhyNotBarbershop 0 points1 point ago

I'm very tempted to make one tbh. I'd have to make the lyrics clean, but very tempted. I made this a while back and feel the noise level would be adequate :P

[–]lethargicwalrus 27 points28 points ago

Thanksgiving dinner with the family.

[–]Adapt2Reason 12 points13 points ago

Gloooo Ooooo Ooooo Oooory Hole.

[–]Tx35 3 points4 points ago

With balls deep double pene traaaa tion

[–]chonwol -2 points-1 points ago

how about this

[–]roadrash1992 0 points1 point ago

That made me laugh so fucking hard

[–]Respondir 117 points118 points ago

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
I'LL RUN YOU OVER WITH MY CAR

UP AND OVER THE HOOD SO HIGH
I'LL BACK UP TO MAKE SURE YOU DIE

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
I'LL RUN YOU OVER WITH MY CAR

[–]englad 35 points36 points ago

its better without last verse

[–]Respondir 8 points9 points ago

But doesn't the original twinkle twinkle song go in that pattern?

[–]hoikarnage 10 points11 points ago

Yes, except they used "carriage" back then instead of car.

They weren't very good at rhyming in those days.

[–]lethargicwalrus 3 points4 points ago

It's better without all that pussy "twinkle twinkle" shit.

[–]Chunkeh 15 points16 points ago

THESE THREE FUCKERS OF ORIENT ARE

I'LL RUN 'EM OVER WHEN DRIVING MY CAR

IT'S FANTASTIC, THEY SNAP LIKE PLASTIC

LEAVE 'EM WITH MORE THAN A SCAR

[–]teamste1222 6 points7 points ago

Beautiful

[–]cgimusic 6 points7 points ago

FILL THE STREETS WITH LOTS OF BODIES

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

IGNORE THOSE BASTARDS WITH THEIR LOLLIES

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

HIT THAT FAT KID, HE WAS TOO SLOW

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

IS THIS ACTUALLY A ROAD?

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

[–]CdeoD 2 points3 points ago

OH HO, PILLAGE AND PLUNDER

PILLAGE AND PLIGHT

I CUT YOU IN PIECES

WITH SHINY KNIFE

[–]Chunkeh 0 points1 point ago

AWAY IN A MANGER

I'M GUNNA CREEP IN YOUR BED

THIS SHARPENED MACHETE

WILL SLICE OFF YOUR HEAD

HUSH NOW, DON'T YOU CRY

I JUST WANT TO PLAY

BUT IF YOU RESIST ME

I'LL WATCH YOUR BLOOD SPRAY

[–]cgimusic 1 point2 points ago

ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS THAT WOLF THREW AT ME

A LIT JAR OF ACELTYLINE

[–]OrangeNova 1 point2 points ago

It doesn't fit to the tune too well...

I WILL HIT YOU WITH MY CAR

ROLLING OVER THE HOOD SO HIGH

NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DIE

Fits better

[–]Gravyness 0 points1 point ago

This, combined with the melody I simulated in my brain while singing, is hilarious.

[–]TheAbeLincoln 38 points39 points ago

Track 2: Deck the halls with bits of Molly?

[–]Adapt2Reason 33 points34 points ago

FA LA LA LA LA, FELLATIO

[–]mmPete 16 points17 points ago

TIS THE SEASON DO DO MOLLY

[–]TheWeedster 13 points14 points ago

FA LA LA LA LA, FLIP THAT HOE

[–]NotSoMeanJoe 4 points5 points ago

I don't think fellatio from Insanity Wolf would be a good thing..

[–]Tx35 7 points8 points ago

Go big or go home.

[–]404-shame-not-found 0 points1 point ago

Totally, I'd tap that.

[–]StairwayToTruth 1 point2 points ago

hey man, don't knock it if you haven't tried it

[–]GlitterConjurer 4 points5 points ago

Deck the halls with the bowels of Holly also works

[–]PoopAdvisoryCouncil 22 points23 points ago

Seriously, with all the musicians on reddit, someone ought to make it.

[–]FortySixAndTwoMake48 4 points5 points ago

O, Cum On Ye Faceful

[–]Fairhur 0 points1 point ago

We should give it its own thread, set up a system for collaborators, then make a whole subreddit to organize everything and bang it out, because how hard could it be?

This might sound familiar.

[–]souperninja 5 points6 points ago

I'm sensing a new chart topper on this year's Christmas tunes

[–]lydocia 6 points7 points ago

Someone needs to turn this into a metal song.

[–]loveandbaseketball 0 points1 point ago

I bet we could get DMX to do it.

[–]funktion 0 points1 point ago

might as well do a space jam mashup then

[–]LastGladius 1 point2 points ago

10/10 would die..I mean..buy.

[–]sleepygamer 1 point2 points ago

Give me, like...

Uh...

Right, assuming I get some time to myself tomorrow and Monday, I'll hopefully have at least a rough metal version of Insanity Wolf's song by... uh... Tuesday? Might have to pester my dad so I can go around to his and use his nice tube mic. Really cannot record vocals at my new place, too many housemates. :(

[–]SomeFakeInternetName 0 points1 point ago

It's pretty much just speed metal.

[–]longlive4chan 0 points1 point ago

... and Japanese women all tied up with string! These are a few of my favorite things!

[–]FirstGameFreak 126 points127 points ago

InSANTAty wolf

[–]marsneedstowels 13 points14 points ago

Peril Noel.

[–]lethargicwalrus 9 points10 points ago

The intestines he devoured were jingling.

[–]myfriendsaccount420 97 points98 points ago

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, The whole damn family was as drunk as a louse. Grandma and Grandpa were singin' a song, And the kid was in bed, floggin' his dong.

Ma home from the cathouse, And I out of jail, We had just settled down for a good piece of tail. When out on the lawn, Arose such a clatter, I sprang off Ma to see what the fuck was a matter.

Away to the window, I made a mad dash, Flew open the shutters and fell on my ass.

But what to my bloodshot eyes but appear, A rusty old sled and a dozen rein deer, And a little old driver holding his dick, I knew right away it was that bastard St. Nick.

(Santa)"On dasher, on Blitzen, up over those walls, "Quickly now, damnit, or I'll cut off your balls."

Upon the roof, he fondered and fell, And came right down the chimney like a bat out of hell. He staggered and stumbled on over to the door, Tripped over his cock, and fell on the floor.

And I heard him explain, as he rode out of sight, "Piss on you all, It's been a hell of a night."

[–]hinduguru 20 points21 points ago

In all seriousness, if I asked ma what the fuck was a matter I'd get my ass beat.

[–]lethargicwalrus -3 points-2 points ago

Indian parents are abusive. I know that feel.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]kuatsimoto 0 points1 point ago

As a Mexican, I also know that feel

[–]standupstanddown 0 points1 point ago

In that last bit there I think "exclaim" would work better than explain.

[–]kimcheekumquat 9 points10 points ago

This. This reminds me of a time when I was going through a rough patch in life. My girlfriend freindzoned me, my dog got cancer, my gaming PC (I'm not a console peasant) broke down, my fundie parents kicked me out for being gay...everything in life was just looking so bleak.

But something happened one day. I was walking to Costco to grab a can of Mountain Dew and I saw HIM. I saw Barack Obama. On the floor, there was a picture of him. It was beautiful, miraculous, life changing and I was never the same ever again. There was something just so powerful about his smile, and his white teeth. He was like an angel (which don't exist of course).

Ever since then I've gotten a job as an engineer and started working for Gabe Newell, I got married to my gay boyfreind, saved a kitten from a volcano and I've never been so happy.

Thank you so much for all you did Barack.

[–]A_Mouse_In_Da_House 6 points7 points ago

Is there a rule for upvoting for general asshattey? Cause I think this deserves it.

[–]lethargicwalrus 2 points3 points ago

How dare a wummin not agree to have le sexytimez with you! *strokes cheeto-dust infested neckbeard.

[–]hinduguru 3 points4 points ago

so many questions....so many questions.

[–]totoro11 1 point2 points ago

your parents are [le]terally Hitler. I'm so glad that your life was turned around by the power of Barack "Carl Sagan" Obama.

[–]throwmeaway1102 0 points1 point ago

So you had a girlfriend but at the same time your parents knew you were gay?

[–]ssjbardock123 0 points1 point ago

Read your post here

[–]Aerosteel -2 points-1 points ago

I want to find this later as well.

[–]lethargicwalrus 67 points68 points ago

I sometimes wonder whether insanity wolf was abused as a pup.

[–]lydocia 51 points52 points ago

It was horrible! Every day, they would throw the ball but I just... I couldn't find it, you know?!

[–]lethargicwalrus 12 points13 points ago

I know how you feel. This one time I got yelled at for pooping.

[–]lydocia 1 point2 points ago

I was just licking them because they were itchy, but I got scolded nevertheless.

[–]TacoinaToaster 7 points8 points ago

There's a lot a puppy would lick peanut butter off...

[–]Nathorus 0 points1 point ago

he just had one bad day

[–]faitswulff 1 point2 points ago

Insanity Wolf is probably a Creature from Black & White that killed its abusive master.

[–]Hill-Arias 0 points1 point ago

Poor Colby...

[–]VicYesterday 15 points16 points ago

Dude, it's November.

[–]rrb 8 points9 points ago

Seems like reddit puts up the decorations earlier and earlier every year...

[–]atheistjubu 2 points3 points ago

Reddit? It's fucking everyone. I was in Home Depot today and they're in full fucking force. I saw an ad for Christmas cards in FUCKIN OCTOBER. Fuck you, Hallmark, can't I escape this terribly contrived festering shitball of cliches for one more fucking month? Does the specialtime of year have to extend to a full fucking quarter of the whole fucking year?

[–]ryansweet 7 points8 points ago

Written by Gerard Way, apparently.

[–]Arvald 23 points24 points ago

that made me laugh so hard that i choked on a pumpkin seed and then my nose started bleeding

[–]LockedInTheCloset 12 points13 points ago

I don't even...

Nevermind

[–]Verbose_Slayer 4 points5 points ago

40 days before first infection christmas

[–]bowties_are_cool_ 27 points28 points ago

Dashing through the snow!

Get the fuck out of my way!

And if you do not move,

I'll fuck you with a rake!

[–]kimcheekumquat 25 points26 points ago

Roses don't have to be red

Violets aren't blue

They are fucking violet you dumbass

And you know that shit's true

[–]Britredditor 36 points37 points ago

Roses are red

This much is true

But violets are violet

Not fucking blue

[–]CannedSewage 16 points17 points ago

Roses are red

Do you even lift

Show me your pecs

heh

[–]Cherianne 11 points12 points ago

Roses are red

Violets are blue

They don't think it be like it is,

But it do

[–]outdoorsmn660 3 points4 points ago

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Aids is contagious

So watch who you screw

[–]abritabroad 1 point2 points ago

Amen.

[–]mulvahlok 1 point2 points ago

Roses

[–]Lt_Dipshit 2 points3 points ago

I read this thread trying to maintain the melody from the first post and it just really falls apart at this point.

[–]mushmancat 33 points34 points ago

This is hilarious. Also, I'm 14

[–]GenericCommentGuy 2 points3 points ago

This comment is hilarious. Also, I'm fat neckbeard virgin.

r/IAMavirginNeckbeard

[–]mushmancat 0 points1 point ago

BURN!!

[–]Incepticons -2 points-1 points ago

Fuck 9gag am I rite???

[–]Bonobo395 6 points7 points ago

I have elaborated upon your song and added another two verses:

Insanity wolf jingle bells-

[BADASS GUITAR SOLO TO START THIS MOTHERFUCKER UP]

Verse:

DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW

GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY

YOUR SO FUCKING SLOW

AND FAT, WHAT DO YOU WEIGH?

HA-HA-HA

YOU CAN'T FUCKING SING

I'LL START A FUCKING FIGHT

GET OUTTA MY WAY YOU FUCKING HO

IM RIDING HERE TO NIGHT!

Chorus:

JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY

OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

OVER BODIES EVERY DAY!

HEY!

JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

BITCH WHAT DID I SAY?

RUN THAT ASS CUZ YOU CAN'T HIDE

FROM MY MOTHERFUCKING SLEIGH!

Verse:

BITCH IM CATCHING UP

IM GONNA HIT YOU SOON

YOU BETTER RUN FAST

OR I'LL HIT YOU, YOU FOOL

HA-HA-HA

BLOOD AND GUTS WILL FLY

WHEN I HIT YOU FAG

FUCKWAD BETTER HURRY UP

EAT MY FUCKING SWAG

Chorus:

JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY

OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

OVER BODIES EVERY DAY!

HEY!

JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

BITCH WHAT DID I SAY?

RUN THAT ASS CUZ YOU CAN'T HIDE

FROM MY MOTHERFUCKING SLEIGH!

Verse:

NOW I'VE CAUGHT YOU ASS

BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING SLOW

YOU'RE GONNA END UP DEAD

YOU MOTHERFUCKING HO!

NOONE HEARD YOUR SCREAMS

CUZ WE'RE IN THE WOODS

IM CALLING MY WIFE AND KIDS

CUZ DADDY'S GOT SOME FOOD!

Chorus:

JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY

OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

OVER BODIES EVERY DAY!

HEY!

JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

BITCH WHAT DID I SAY?

RUN THAT ASS CUZ YOU CAN'T HIDE

FROM MY MOTHERFUCKING SLEIGH! If any of you want to actually make this into a song, by all means go ahead! If not then I hope you enjoyed it! If not, you are welcome to make any changes you please! As Macine_Dick pointed out, the last verse did kinda suck.

[–]Uvabird 1 point2 points ago

I think "he's gone caroling" is going take on a whole new meaning this season.

[–]Machine_Dick 1 point2 points ago

Last verse was lame, but "eat my fucking swag" in the 2nd verse made up for it.

[–]Bonobo395 0 points1 point ago

Yah. I was running out of things to say. You are welcome to make changes to it!

[–]BigZ7337 1 point2 points ago

I tried singing it, and it didn't really work at all, along with the lyrics being pretty bad.

[–]Bonobo395 0 points1 point ago

You are entitled to your opinions. Up vote for honesty. And anyone else who commented on my comment.

[–]BigZ7337 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, I have nothing against you, but I tried singing it and just couldn't get it to work. The original had a few parts where you had to mash the words together to make it fit, but there were multiple parts in your verses that I just couldn't sing to the tune.

[–]Bonobo395 0 points1 point ago

Totally fine. Just a kid dicking around for about 2 minutes.

[–]fuckyallbitches 18 points19 points ago

HOW DID THIS GET TO THE FRONT PAGE

WHO ALLOWED THIS!?

[–]rodiren 5 points6 points ago

You didn't hear about the big merger of 9gag and Reddit?

[–]fuckyallbitches -3 points-2 points ago

Fuck I can't say I didn't see it coming

I can't stand how pussy these sites become as they become more popular

[–]mrm3x1can 0 points1 point ago

There's no school today, bro.

[–]CatKebab 6 points7 points ago

Dashing through the snow

With a rusty razorblade

Chopping off their toes

Laughing all the way!

HA-HA-HA

And that's all I could come up with.

[–]ArcadianMess 2 points3 points ago

Ditch the "razor" and it's perfect.

[–]CatKebab 0 points1 point ago

I feel like it loses part of the melody if I do, and it comes to an awkward halt.

[–]GirlWithThePandaHat 14 points15 points ago

This was so beautiful. I laughed so hard there were tears. I have now saved this and will be humming it later.

[–]MetapodUseHarden 35 points36 points ago

So you'll be humming jingle bells, just more aggressively?

[–]GirlWithThePandaHat 1 point2 points ago

Exactly... And the best part, unless they have telepathy no one will know. Mwa hahahaha!

[–]MetapodUseHarden 1 point2 points ago

"HMM HMM HMMMMMM, HMM HMM HMMMMMM, HMM HMM HMMMMMM, HMM HMM!!! MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!"

[–]lethargicwalrus -1 points0 points ago

You mean you exhaled softly.

[–]Midnight_In_Paris 0 points1 point ago

Man this just kindles the Christmas spirit :')

[–]big_ol_boners 0 points1 point ago

What website is that?

[–]sgtdisaster 5 points6 points ago

reddit: reposts from tumblr, complains if you steal their content

[–]MandatoryUpvotes 0 points1 point ago

We need WhyNotBarbershop in on this!

Oh man, I'm still laughing. As in actual laughter and not just the usual slight chuckle.

[–]spaceye 3 points4 points ago

[–]RiverBoogie[S] 1 point2 points ago

beautiful.

[–]Reaper-Tours-EU 2 points3 points ago

And this is how I will ruin Christmas this year... no regrets

[–]TacoinaToaster 1 point2 points ago

Btw, totally original content.

[–]Dark_Green_Blanket 1 point2 points ago

I'm going motherfucking caroling.

[–]Uvabird 0 points1 point ago

The Reddit Motherfucking Carolers. I'd join.

[–]semondem0n 2 points3 points ago

I don't know why but the "hey" at the end made me lose it.

[–]CheeterMcSkeeter 2 points3 points ago

I just imagine the song sung in a death metal voice.

[–]Cattoo 0 points1 point ago

Insanity Wolf? It's a Christmas miracle!

[–]JonBonesJones -1 points0 points ago

this is really good.

[–]Handsthing 1 point2 points ago

Nothing like the holidays

[–]rawrgs -1 points0 points ago

"Fine holiday fun."

[–]Acidrain77 -1 points0 points ago

Audio please

[–]CokeyCola -1 points0 points ago

This shit is so relatable!

[–]samusmaster64 -1 points0 points ago

'tis the season.

[–]skeanthu -1 points0 points ago

O'er the hills we go, Smashing heads along the way

[–]fateswarm 0 points1 point ago

I feel so violated and I'm not even English speaking natively.

[–]JuicyMangoes -1 points0 points ago

He's not Ofuckingkay he's Ofuckingbrillant.

[–]Tblanco -1 points0 points ago

This year the family is going caroling

[–]darkshy -1 points0 points ago

10/10 would murder to.

[–]int3rwebz3 -1 points0 points ago

Look at that fat fuck! Dressed up like he's all professional and shit!

[–]BaronVonKlotz -1 points0 points ago

And I thought the Joker's version was the funniest.

[–]somedude456 0 points1 point ago

You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa.

[–]fairwayks -1 points0 points ago

I wanted to wait til the day after Thanksgiving to get in the holiday spirit, but after this, time for some egg nog and misteltoe!

[–]Darkanglesmyname -1 points0 points ago

It's even funnier when you sing along to the tune

[–]gtipwnz 1 point2 points ago

How is this the top post today? Not that good.

[–]UnderstandingPrimus 1 point2 points ago

Are we back in the dark days again where insanity wolf was funny?

[–]damontoo -1 points0 points ago

GET OUT MY WAY...

This drives me fucking CRAZY! It's "get out OF my way". My girlfriend is half black and says "get out the way" etc. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

[–]rqaa3721 -1 points0 points ago

JINGLE BELLS, MERMAID MAN SMELLS

BARNACLE BOY LAID AN EGG

[–]ckelley87 -1 points0 points ago

Where's that dude that sings comments when you need him?

[–]papabadger357 -1 points0 points ago

This sounds like a Dethklok song.

[–]waffleninja -1 points0 points ago

10/10

[–]azgeogirl -1 points0 points ago

This is my favorite post of the day.

[–]UnnecessaryShoutOuts -1 points0 points ago

Shout out to insanity wolf

[–]BigZ7337 -1 points0 points ago

So I attempted to make a recording of the song, the first one is just in a normal caroling voice, and the second is in a probably more appropriate growl:

http://soundcloud.com/bigz7337/a-reddit-insanity-wolfs

http://soundcloud.com/bigz7337/a-reddit-insanity-wolfs-1

[–]YummYummtheMan 0 points1 point ago

This post gave me cancer.

[–]shamdy -2 points-1 points ago

[–]mangomangomangomango -2 points-1 points ago

This makes me so so very happy.

[–]Link3693 2 points3 points ago

All I see here is Insanity Wolf being used incorrectly.

[–]evileh -1 points0 points ago

Jingle Bells, explicit version. -parental warning sticker attached-

[–]saltyseadog -1 points0 points ago

This unfunny shit makes me want to quit reddit

[–]stooner 1 point2 points ago

I would pay money to hear Five Finger Death Punch do these tunes. Someone, make it happen...

[–]soul_justice -1 points0 points ago

I fucking love this.

[–]bigmeech -2 points-1 points ago

I am 14 and this is funny

[–]fangsby -3 points-2 points ago

You pretty much have to be 14 to find this funny.

[–]david-me 1 point2 points ago

Any tracks feat. Lil Red Ridin' in the Hood?

[–]just_dont_bite -1 points0 points ago

Hella dumb. Front page? Reddit has gone to shit.

[–]Phettiii 0 points1 point ago

For the love of god, someone sing this.

Edit: Into a microphone, whilst recording.

[–]Croc_Clock -2 points-1 points ago

It's not even Thanksgiving yet :( Even Reddit succumbs to the pressure...

[–]SGMD1 -3 points-2 points ago

You know you sang it out loud.

[–]ArcticSpaceman -2 points-1 points ago

'LIKE IN 3 SECONDS IF U SUNG OUTLOUD LOL'

'DON'T IF YOU LOVE CANCER'

[–]YouAreIncorrect- -1 points0 points ago

Im going to downvote every single person in this thread, myself included; just for being in here with this shit

[–]kivarenn82 0 points1 point ago

When I have a kid. I'm gonna slip this set of lyrics to them for when they get to sing in those elementary christmas pageants. I'm already excited for it.

[–]Uvabird 0 points1 point ago

Do this and you too will have the joy of sitting on the little red plastic seat outside the school office, waiting to have that We Need To Talk About Kevin conversation with the principal. The Holiday Edition.

[–]CaughtMeALurkfish 1 point2 points ago

Yep. This one's a keeper.

[–]brainemack 0 points1 point ago

I miss insanity wolf

[–]Boekiej -2 points-1 points ago

/r/AdviceAnimals is leaking...

[–]SubtleMockery -1 points0 points ago

Not insanity wolf enough.

[–]Mediumraah -2 points-1 points ago

I rarely upvote ans comment but when i do,it's because something made me lol.