this post was submitted on
861 points (59% like it)
2,684 up votes 1,823 down votes

funny

subscribe2,725,104 readers

13,261 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 44 comments

[–]Rambis 59 points60 points ago

so what's the proper length where you're not judged?

[–]ElectronicPotato 49 points50 points ago

You're always judged.

[–]Rambis 16 points17 points ago

Oo i like you.

[–]RottenApple360 0 points1 point ago

Always.

[–]Potaytoe 0 points1 point ago

i like your name

[–]MapleSyrupIsAwesome 1 point2 points ago

A millimetre of white.

[–]chetter44 0 points1 point ago

5

[–]wicked_pissa 0 points1 point ago

I will only stop judging you when you are exactly like I am!

[–]bukelley 109 points110 points ago

Holy shit this isn't funny.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]tylerhmm 8 points9 points ago

Don't worry I down voted it.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]TheNebster22 6 points7 points ago

No one's butthurt, your post just sucks dick.

[–]HitlerDidNothingBad 1 point2 points ago

I personally know the OP. I can comfirm faggotry.

[–]Subduction 18 points19 points ago

This isn't cleverly-written at all.

[–]DrDWayneLove 1 point2 points ago

Do pirates replace individual fingers with hooks?

[–]luigisfuckingpeach 5 points6 points ago

In between the first 2, I just bite them

[–]hobaggg 2 points3 points ago

I have deep seated anxiety.

[–]Larkenau 2 points3 points ago

one of the shorter ones should say: "playing the violin" But only if it's the left hand ;)

[–]Miz_myztik 7 points8 points ago

It had nothing nice to say. So why show it at all?

[–]YMU15 2 points3 points ago

Overly Hygenic. I am bad.

[–]SydneyRubbert 1 point2 points ago

I file nails instead of papers, but my nails are less cat-like. Also: So much disappointment at lack of hooker nails.

[–]OstmackaA 1 point2 points ago

Why does nails start to loop after a while?

[–]Strikerj94 1 point2 points ago

Why is overly hygienic and the "stressed" category swapped?

Also, not funny at all

[–]teuast -1 points0 points ago

Why isn't there one for bass player? The fingernails on my right hand are ugly as fuck.

[–]Fleagonzales -1 points0 points ago

Used to have a customer come in our shop every now and then with nails that were about 9 inches long on both hands. I would have to put her change on the edge of the counter for her because she couldn't take it from my hand... Shit is gross.

[–]Vaknor 1 point2 points ago

Heh, 9 inch nails.

[–]kandy4me 0 points1 point ago

Deep-seated anxiety should not be longer than overly-hygienic.'

I believe I posted this exact same comment last time I saw this post

[–]WombatHerder 1 point2 points ago

Guitar player here, I concur with the judgments. Always gotta explain.

[–]Meganheartt 0 points1 point ago

Describes me as a cosmetologist.

[–]honeydee 0 points1 point ago

Coke fiend. Shit.

[–]RosieRotten 0 points1 point ago

Haha finger painting... I like my stiletto nails...

[–]klahaya 0 points1 point ago

Where's the nose picker length?

[–]Mythlord 0 points1 point ago

TIL pirates have a hook on every finger

[–]Code4Beer -1 points0 points ago

[–]PoopAdvisoryCouncil 1 point2 points ago

The "You File Nails Instead of Papers" should be relabeled "Your Fingernails Are as Long as a Black Person's"

[–]ThatsSoRighteous 0 points1 point ago

pirates have hooks for hands not hooks for fingernails.

[–]RoadToSerfdom -1 points0 points ago

It wasn't funny, but then I saw pirate, and it still wasn't funny.

[–]DennishIrst 0 points1 point ago

I feel like between the "record holder" length, and the "velocorapter" lengh, there should be a warlock length

[–]1123581321345589144b 0 points1 point ago

I keep my finger nails long because my forefathers did. It is tradition. And we have fabulous nails. Women envy us.

[–]OhioMegi 0 points1 point ago

totally grosses me out when people have super long nails. How do they wipe their asses??!

[–]Lytespawn 0 points1 point ago

"Claws"

[–]Diredoe 0 points1 point ago

But... my nail bed ends at the very tip of my finger. I can't get it down to the 'hygienic' line if I tried.

[–]cyrilio 0 points1 point ago

So how does this coke finger work? I do not understand...

[–]I_RAPE_YOUR_CHILDREN 0 points1 point ago

title comnts points age /r/
As a nail technician, I approve this message. 0coms 11pts 5mos funny
Saw this on 'funny', found us in there... 7coms 253pts 6mos RedditLaqueristas
What your fingernail length says about you 59coms 585pts 6mos funny

source: karmadecay