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top 200 commentsshow all 209

[–]TimeTravelingMouse 192 points193 points ago

Shel Silverstein was my inspiration.

[–]Jackstick 31 points32 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]K1dn3yPunch 0 points1 point ago

I think it was a real link.

[–]Sinfulblissful[S] 63 points64 points ago

My childhood hero.

[–]Rambis 37 points38 points ago

MY childhood idol!

[–]Sinfulblissful[S] 32 points33 points ago

Grrr....

[–]JewBoySandler 15 points16 points ago

Come on, now, everyone knows he's MINE.

[–]BetterStandBack 23 points24 points ago

You seem more like the Adam Sandler type

[–]Sinfulblissful[S] 6 points7 points ago

Whoa! We will sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge!!!...what?

[–]BetterStandBack 1 point2 points ago

Sorry, that doesn't particularly suit me too well.

[–]JewBoySandler 1 point2 points ago

Well, hi.

[–]dannkherb 1 point2 points ago

Nobody parties

[–]negafon 3 points4 points ago

Did you know he played music, too?

[–]jsmayne 10 points11 points ago

A Boy Named Sue

He also hung out at the Playboy mansion a lot. Contributing a lot of stories and comics to the magazine.

[–]Scootaru 0 points1 point ago

TIL from this TIL post earlier there is a sequel to this song. I thought most of the song was pretty hilarious.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]stoutshako42ref 9 points10 points ago

what a shitty novelty account

[–]BabsonMcChonkers 2 points3 points ago

If you want something similar, check out Mooseclumps. Really wonderful poems in the vein of Shel Silverstein.

[–]Joeisdabomb 61 points62 points ago

Captain Hook must remember Not to scratch his toes. Captain Hook must watch out And never pick his nose. Captain Hook must be gentle When He shakes your hand. And playing tag and pouring tea And turnin' pages of his book. Lots of folks I'm glad I ain't - But mostly Captain Hook!

[–]strangelycutlemon 25 points26 points ago

Teddy said it was a hat,

So I put it on.

No dad's saying,

"Where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?!?!"

[–]POOP_HAIKU 7 points8 points ago

Asshole on fire

My anus is inflamed

No more Taco Bell.

[–]strangelycutlemon 14 points15 points ago

Ask you a favor

"Please write me a good poop joke.

Do me a solid."

[–]POOP_HAIKU 9 points10 points ago

What's the color brown

And can also rhyme with Snoop?

Must be Dr. Dre.

[–]POOP_HAIKU 4 points5 points ago

Humor can be hard

Oh strangelycutlemon

Solely via haiku.

[–]strangelycutlemon 7 points8 points ago

Indeed, also hard

Using all the syllables.

Hist, you missed 7.

[–]POOP_HAIKU 5 points6 points ago

My apologies, sir,

For the poor syllable count

User names are very hard.

[–]strangelycutlemon 5 points6 points ago

You are forgiven.

Godspeed, on your merry way,

Pinching artsy loafs.

[–]isaiahvanderhyden 1 point2 points ago

I love both of you.

[–]strangelycutlemon 0 points1 point ago

I tagged you as "My secret French lover".

[–]Cptn_Hook 11 points12 points ago

You guys are all jerks.

[–]Sinfulblissful[S] 0 points1 point ago

Right in the feels :)

[–]cralledode 2 points3 points ago

that's not what that meme means

[–]m0use44 5 points6 points ago

Uh oh, the meme police are here. Partys over folks

[–]Steffuhhknee 22 points23 points ago

“If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer,
If you're a pretender come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in! Come in!”

[–]batmanlight 4 points5 points ago

looked for this. most amazing introduction to any book, ever.

[–]guitargirl478 1 point2 points ago

Flax-golden tales...It conjures up such a wonderful image.

[–]enginurd 15 points16 points ago

I had to memorize a poem for class in grade four or something. Others took serious, long ones. I chose a Shel Silverstein poem:

We gave you a chance

To water the plants.

No, we didn't mean that way!

Now zip up your pants!

[–]suspect161 0 points1 point ago

Same assignment here! I chose my gorilla and then my beard.. I still know this one by heart

[–]strangeanatomy 0 points1 point ago

.....Mike? Did you have to calligraphy that shit, too?

[–]BuzzMcTroit 29 points30 points ago

This poem was clearly the inspiration for Bayonetta.

[–]strangelycutlemon 6 points7 points ago

Or Heavenly Sword.

[–]Entice 4 points5 points ago

Or the silent guy in Life of Brian.

[–]crackodactyl 2 points3 points ago

Not so silent after Brian met him.

[–]crackodactyl 2 points3 points ago

Not so silent after Brian met him.

[–]gangler52 0 points1 point ago

Fuzz Power from Action 52.

[–]aelizabeth27 22 points23 points ago

That was my favorite poem in Where the Sidewalk Ends! I remember getting in trouble for giggling during silent reading in 4th grade because of "My Beard".

[–]Wolf_Protagonist 8 points9 points ago

How DARE you laugh at the funny poem! What are you, some kind of jerk?

[–]aelizabeth27 16 points17 points ago

Clearly.

This same teacher saw me holding hands with my male friend while running, and drug us in to give us a long lecture about how we were "too young for that stuff" (waving a finger in our face and everything). I didn't understand why she would be upset that I held my best friend's hand, and because I was scared that I had done something bad, I never brought it up to my mother.

Only as an adult did I realize what she was talking about. -1 points for wild ass assumptions, Mrs. Mullins.

[–]aelizabeth27 9 points10 points ago

The best part is, that friend is gay.

[–]Citicop 59 points60 points ago

Brace for the reposts with "No Shave November" titles...

[–]pyropaul555 19 points20 points ago

I was feeling pretty good about my no-shave november comment until you showed up.

[–]danceswithpubes 7 points8 points ago

Brace yourselves for the people who go around looking for "No Shave November" reposts

[–]Bushels_for_All 7 points8 points ago

Shel Silverstein is also responsible for arguably Johnny Cash's best song (or at least his most funny).

[–]NewToLT 8 points9 points ago

My mom read my favorite poem "Too Many Kids in this Tub" to my 2nd grade class and my teacher flipped shit and never let her come read to the class again. I thought it was hysterical, and I still do.

[–]batmanlight 5 points6 points ago

ICKLE ME PICKLE ME TICKLE ME TOO

[–]Steffuhhknee 7 points8 points ago

"Went for a ride in a flying shoe.
'Hooray!'
'What fun!'
'It's time we flew!'
Said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too."

[–]grumpy_curmudgeon 1 point2 points ago

ickle was captain, and pickle was crew, and tickle served coffee and mulligan stew as higher and higher and higher they flew! ickle me, pickle me, tickle me too.

[–]Supertrample 2 points3 points ago

This is the only whole poem I can still remember by heart. :)

[–]eddward 10 points11 points ago

these*

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

One.

[–]_muckduck 5 points6 points ago

The Frisbee, he got tired of sailing To and fro and to; And thought about the other things That he might like to do. So the next time that they threw him, He turned there in the sky, And sailed away to try and find Some new things he could try. He tried to be an eyeglass, But no one could see through him. He tried to be a UFO, But everybody knew him. He tried to be a dinner plate, But he got cracked and quit. He tried to be a pizza, But got tossed and baked and bit. He tried to be a hubcap, But the cars all moved to quick. He tried to be a record, But the spinnin' made him sick. He tried to be a quarter, But he was to big to spend. So he rolled home, quite glad to be A Frisbee once again.

Had to memorize it in 3rd grade to win a prize. :)

[–]strangelycutlemon 4 points5 points ago

The razor-tailed wren

will pretend he's your friend

As he cuts all the grass on your lawn.

But never leave anything

Sticking too far out

Or swishity. It will be gone.

[–]Red_AtNight 18 points19 points ago

Needs more jpeg

[–]Yet_Another_Guy_ 0 points1 point ago

MOOAAAR JPEG PLEZZZZ!

[–]Killertofoos 4 points5 points ago

I <3 This post. Thank you

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

*These

[–]jsmayne 10 points11 points ago

thems

[–]gypsy_remover 6 points7 points ago

thoses

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

Two.

[–]NashvilleRedditors 3 points4 points ago

I was just reading Wher The Sidewalk Ends. I put it down to get on reddit.

[–]fuzz37 3 points4 points ago

This should be posted in /r/beards.

[–]tigersdime 3 points4 points ago

One of my favourites which I've memorized:

Two boxes met upon the road,

said one unto the other:

"If you're a box, and I'm a box, then you must be my brother!

Our sides are thin, we're caving in and we must get no thinner."

So two boxes, hand in hand, went home to have their dinner.

Yay Shel Silverstein!

[–]Nodebunny 3 points4 points ago

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout would simply not take the garbage out... coffee grinds and potato peeling, until it piled up to the ceiling!

[–]kickinit202 4 points5 points ago

how does this get upvoted to the front page OF REDDIT when there is a typo in the title?

[–]Sinfulblissful[S] -1 points0 points ago

(Aliens)

[–]elad661 8 points9 points ago

NEED MORE JPEG

[–]JangSaverem 2 points3 points ago

After all this years

These?*

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

Three.

[–]jai07 2 points3 points ago

MAN. The nostalgia, make it stop!

[–]Jacknife_Johnny 2 points3 points ago

I got this recently. Todd Snider, Kris Kristofferson, John Prine, Willie Nelson all doing Shel Silverstein songs. I like it.

http://open.spotify.com/album/4CCnyV214M5zE6FKWcWjsV

[–]FriendlyVisitor 1 point2 points ago

Anyone know what the poem is that ends something like "but _____ rhymes with ____, and that is how most poems are made."

[–]batmanlight 2 points3 points ago

oh man where the sidewalk ends, my father would read me a few every single night before I went to bed. He would do 1 special request, a couple of new ones, but always started off with that amazing introduction. Thanks Dad.

[–]DancesWithDaleks 2 points3 points ago

Shel Silverstein remains my favorite poet of all time. I enjoy reading his stuff now as much as I did when I was a kid. Some of it for the whimsical silliness, but some of it because I now understand the message he was trying to send. They're simple enough to get kids to like them but are worthwhile in reading them as an adult as well.

"Masks" is a great example. I read this after years of trying to change myself to fit people I wanted to have a relationship with, and it really resonated with me. I don't do that anymore, and I think this poem was a part of that.

[–]The_Glorious_Leader 2 points3 points ago

Ahem.

How doth the little crocodile,

Improve his shining tail?

And pour the waters of the nile,

On every golden scale?

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spread his claws!

And welcomes little fishes in,

With gently smiling jaws.

(Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland).

(Edit: Holy fuck, reddit formatting sucks. LEAVE NEWLINE ALONE! LEAVE HER ALONE!)

[–]guitargirl478 2 points3 points ago

I recently inherited a 7 year old and I read this to her a lot. Other than "Inspiration" it's my favorite:

Listen to Mustn'ts, child, listen to the Don'ts.

Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts.

Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.

Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.

[–]toysjoe 2 points3 points ago

If I could give you 1000 upvotes for using it's and its properly, I would. You sir are one of the few people left on this planet with that ability.

[–]TheOilyGoat 2 points3 points ago

I can imagine it would feel like being hugged by a Yeti.

[–]sourpatch_kid 2 points3 points ago

It's interesting how you can imagine feeling something that you imagined.

[–]GravyJigster 0 points1 point ago

What, you've never hugged a yeti? Totally missing out, man.

[–]TheOilyGoat 1 point2 points ago

I still remember my first time. you always remember your first.

[–]AutumnEmber 2 points3 points ago

Wouldn't that feel weird on your crotch?

[–]banana_bob 3 points4 points ago

If by weird you mean strangely arousing, yes...yes it would.

Who doesn't like to bury their dong in waves of glorious, scraggly beard hair.

[–]missbeast16 4 points5 points ago

This is my favorite poem by him. It's one of the first poems I memorized when I was little. I thought it was hilarious! Still is!!!

[–]Reddit_Videos_To_Gif 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/G5Q0O.jpg hey found a pic of you!

[–]Sinfulblissful[S] -2 points-1 points ago

Yup

[–]reposedhysteria 5 points6 points ago

[–]sprkleyes420 2 points3 points ago

Just gave my copies of these books to my 7 years old, it's even more magic watching someone else discover and love them :-)

[–]Lewie_Goin_Krazy 1 point2 points ago

Rest In Peace

[–]Nidus53 1 point2 points ago

Why does this fit to the tune of "whalers on the moon"?

[–]jfields8 1 point2 points ago

LOVE Shel!

This guy's pretty great too: http://www.mooseclumps.com

Found him in /r/books!

[–]MagicManMarty 0 points1 point ago

I have a feeling i wasn't the only one to like beard wars on facebook?

[–]dumpsztrbaby 1 point2 points ago

shel silverstein was my favourite as a kid

[–]crawlingkingsnake6 4 points5 points ago

shel silverstein is my favorite now

[–]mellamoesmud 2 points3 points ago

As a 30 year old, he is still an intriguing read.

[–]Rhode_Islan-derp 0 points1 point ago

He used to also be a regular contributor to Playboy

[–]pyropaul555 1 point2 points ago

Shel Silverstein; proud sponsor of no-shave november 2012.

[–]shutupjoey 0 points1 point ago

So he always wears clothes?

[–]BooCradley 0 points1 point ago

This should be on the cover of the Rolling Stone...

[–]emileogalileo 0 points1 point ago

I was so sad when I found out he had died

[–]thestarheart -1 points0 points ago

Relevent flapjack scene

[–]rissa_rizz 0 points1 point ago

I made an airplane out of stone, i always did like staying home

[–]The_Savage_Detective 1 point2 points ago

can't tell if 'this years' is a wink at the odd grammar of poem, or OP's mistake.

[–]millerlit 0 points1 point ago

He also wrote A boy named Sue performed by Johnny Cash.

[–]Strader69 0 points1 point ago

That's not my beard growing down, its my pubes growing up.

[–]GreyFoxMe 0 points1 point ago

If you never wear no clothes, doesn't that mean you always wear clothes?

[–]GentlemenTiger 0 points1 point ago

That guy was such a cynic and talked about midgets fucking on his vinyl. Great amazing inspiration though.

[–]thatawesomebacontaco -1 points0 points ago

Shel Silerstein!!!!! NEVER GETS OLD!

[–]fishareswim 1 point2 points ago

I have this drawing tattooed on my shoulder blade.

[–]griffinhamilton 0 points1 point ago

Was this from "where the sidewalk ends"?

[–]laurelivid 0 points1 point ago

I have this guy tattooed on me, along with many other Silverstein illustrations. This is the first thing I could recite from memory! :)

[–]Solesaver 0 points1 point ago

So... He always wears clothes. Ok :)

[–]mcandbjuice 0 points1 point ago

my favourite poem :)

really happy to see this right now during a low time.

Thanks for cheering me up x

[–]outdoors4life 0 points1 point ago

Love Shel Silverstein!

[–]Paige_Railstone 0 points1 point ago

My niece is four and just starting to read. I'm giving her a hardbound copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends for Christmas.

[–]Kbman 1 point2 points ago

I can't tell wether you meant the grammatical error in the title to go along with this poem or not...

[–]nin_ninja 0 points1 point ago

Bayonetta's inspiration.

[–]skybluskyblue 0 points1 point ago

[–]prototato 0 points1 point ago

I'm still scared of that messy guy.

[–]Randumbthawts 1 point2 points ago

http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/f/fatherswhiskers.shtml

Lyrics to "Father's Wiskers"

One of the lines reminds me of this picture: " When Father goes in swimming, No bathing suit for him, He ties his whiskers 'round his waist, And gaily plunges in."

[–]soxfan04 1 point2 points ago

Giving Tree makes me want to cry every time

[–]76will 0 points1 point ago

never wear no clothes? isn't that a double negative? which means he never goes out with no clothes? which means he wears clothes?

[–]Nick700 1 point2 points ago

It's lost a lot of resolution though.

[–]eyix 0 points1 point ago

No kidding. Better res.

[–]thatphatphool 0 points1 point ago

"I never wear no clothes" is a double negative so it means he must always wear clothes

[–]The66Ripper 0 points1 point ago

I can't help but read this in 2 Chainz' voice. It sounds like it could be a part of a song he dropped a verse on.

[–]Folan 0 points1 point ago

His nose looks like a penis.

[–]Hawkbird 0 points1 point ago

Wasn't this an Action 52 game?

[–]bax101[!] 1 point2 points ago

Shel Silverstein used to come to my grade school every year and autograph his books and put a little doodle next to his signature. I have about 4 of his books signed including the one this poem is in.

[–]estradaboy7 0 points1 point ago

If he never wears no clothes shouldn't he be wearing clothes?

[–]MelissaMacabre 1 point2 points ago

I still have Where The Sidewalk Ends and A Light In The Attic. I read those books as a child over a million times. Also, The Giving Tree. Fuck yes.

[–]Furydwarf 1 point2 points ago

I've still got my copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends, it's amazing.

[–]yosoydavidchavez 1 point2 points ago

Ill upvote Shell Silverstein every time.

[–]AMZNboss 0 points1 point ago

GOOD OL' SHELL

[–]unknownchild 1 point2 points ago

it makes sense that the same guy that wrote this is the same as the guy who wrote the song "a boy named sue" that jonny cash sang

[–]Keltiones 0 points1 point ago

I just picked that book up off my bookshelf and showed it to my laptop. I don't think he cared.

[–]harborheights 0 points1 point ago

I keep WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS in my bathroom in case I feel like reading something.

[–]kjakubowski 0 points1 point ago

Check out different dances by shel and lose your childhood

[–]LollyLewd 0 points1 point ago

[–]viomonk 0 points1 point ago

This is my current status for No Shave November.

[–]ambiguous100 0 points1 point ago

I have been trying to remember this book for years- Thank you!

[–]TomCruiseWitchcraft 1 point2 points ago

There is no such thing as happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part.

So give me a happy middle,

and a very happy start.

[–]isitlunchtimeyet 1 point2 points ago

I cannot go to school today said little peggy ann mckay I have the measles and the mumps a gash a rash and purple bumps My mouth is wet my throut is dry I'm going blind in my right eye My tonsils are as big as rocks I've counted 16 chicken pox there's one more that's 17 and don't you think my face looks green my leg is cut my eyes are blue it might be the Instamatic flu I gasp and cough and sneeze and choke I'm sure that my left leg is broke My hip hurts when I move my chin my bellybuttons caving in...

Thats all I can remember.

[–]therealjgreens 0 points1 point ago

Shel silverstein was scary looking.

[–]EMUHLEELULZ 0 points1 point ago

His nose is an uncircumcised penis.

[–]wondergirl24 0 points1 point ago

sooo this is why people do no-shave november!

[–]monkeyhoward 1 point2 points ago

Where the Sidewalk Ends is one of the best books ever written. I grew up with this book and was one of the first books I gave to my children. But it's not just for kids. Everyone should have some Shel Silverstein in their lives.

[–]thekeanu 0 points1 point ago

This is the old man from The Life of Brian!

[–]fireinthesky7 0 points1 point ago

If you have to dry the dishes, Such an awful, boring chore! If you have to dry the dishes 'Stead of going to the store, If you have to dry the dishes And you drop one on the floor...

Maybe they won't let you dry the dishes anymore.

[–]Nato955 0 points1 point ago

Falling Up?!

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

There are five different comments in this thread correcting OP's incorrect use of "this" in the title. I like correcting grammar as much as, or more than, the next guy, but use Control+F before you do it, or else you look like a tool.

[–]hairyharryli 1 point2 points ago

He never wears no clothes? So he does wear clothes. Confusion.

[–]mutantlabor 1 point2 points ago

This used to always crack me up in third grade:

Shel Silverstein reading My Beard

[–]Onlyhereforthelaughs 1 point2 points ago

Double negative. Guess he IS wearing clothes.

[–]Melbell1992 -3 points-2 points ago

but the second line doesn't make sense.........

[–]iiiiiix 4 points5 points ago

yes it does, because you're capable of understanding context and artistic license

[–]konohasaiyajin 1 point2 points ago

The double negative is killing me.

[–]wanderer11 1 point2 points ago

If his beard is so long why does he wear clothes?

[–]1151955 -3 points-2 points ago

Read it again

[–]wanderer11 0 points1 point ago

I never wears no clothes

That double negative means "I wear clothes." It was a bad joke.

[–]1151955 0 points1 point ago

No it wasn a bad joke

[–]Hydris 0 points1 point ago

double negative means he does wear clothes.

[–]GoGators321 -3 points-2 points ago

"never wears no clothes" is a double negative

[–]shdwtrev -2 points-1 points ago

She took this to heart.

[–]Dark_Brick 0 points1 point ago

What?

[–]shdwtrev 0 points1 point ago

It's the chick from bayonetta....she doesnt wear clothes either, her hair is just long and she uses that to cover her body....like the poem?

[–]ohsteveoh -2 points-1 points ago

these... THESE years

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

Four.

[–]jeccap -2 points-1 points ago

I can't even look at the picture because I can't get past the title.......THESE

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

Five.

[–]enragedStapler -2 points-1 points ago

r/shittypoetry

[–]MonoMcFlury -2 points-1 points ago

Reddit. Yo!