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top 200 commentsshow all 266

[–]elcid25 978 points979 points ago

"Bitch where's my honey?"

[–]ILL_Show_Myself_Out 729 points730 points ago

"I'm from the hundred acre 'hood."

[–]HogwartsNeedsWifi 620 points621 points ago

Calm down mah tigger.

[–]Badgermeister 215 points216 points ago

[–]Auntfanny 47 points48 points ago

Toyz in the Hood

[–]Jabba_the_Mutt 101 points102 points ago

[–]solidwhetstone 18 points19 points ago

Never gets old.

[–]vertigo1083 12 points13 points ago

First time for me.

I think my inner-nineties-nerd came, and now I need to figure out how the shit to make one of these, because I have dozens of ideas.

[–]stabbing_robot 2 points3 points ago

Adobe AfterEffects, my boy. Unfortunately, it costs an arm and a leg to obtain legally.

Look up some tutorials on Youtube to begin with.

[–]Kamikaze_Leprechaun 3 points4 points ago

Hah. Legally.

[–]seniorlulz 102 points103 points ago

[–]Phoequinox 216 points217 points ago

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT.

[–]seniorlulz 52 points53 points ago

Better question is why is that epic creep photo getting downvotes?

[–]Aiskhulos 62 points63 points ago

'Cause it's creepy as shit.

[–]vertigo1083 25 points26 points ago

10/10

Would shoot at.

[–]retrofag 20 points21 points ago

NSFL

[–]enzo32ferrari 48 points49 points ago

That's enough Internet for today.

[–]IsSuchAThingPossible 43 points44 points ago

"Slaying deez hoez requires a profound pimp hand and a sense of hoe logic and hoe values. The philosophy of slapping dat ass emphasizes no condom traditions, anal experience, and tigga knowledge, all of which are clearly reflected in the ethics of being a tigga like me. That's why I can sit on the toilet and become an inexhaustible treasury of turds.

As a form of idiot ideology, the ethics of being a tigga like me differs in different historical periods. It is the code of conduct of a given society for the adjustment of the relationships between new pussy and better made sandwiches.

Slaying hoes evaluates a tiggaz behavior and adjusts my toilet seat with such conceptions as the good and evil shits I drop in the toilet, dollar menus and olive garden, ass and pussy, and hoes and more stupid hoes.

Slaying deez hoez is a system of skills and theories the Pimp people have developed through their struggle with dumb hoez and in the course of their anal expeditions, for combat and to promote phat asses and improve one's mack hand.

Combat in the usual sense means putting it in her ass, bloodshed and death. For this very reason, few of the various cock techniques and skills in the world are combined with anal lube. Bitches don't have an opinion, theory, or philosophy. Everything these hoes speak is hypothesis."

[–]ddsdhillon 44 points45 points ago

Needs TL;DR.

[–]Aptspire 7 points8 points ago

The rules and guidelines to being a pimp.

[–]JewBoySandler 15 points16 points ago

I'm not sure what that was... But I think I liked it.

[–]prnd3l 6 points7 points ago

TL;DR Tigga please!

[–]for_clarity 4 points5 points ago

Tao of P-bear

[–]macgiollarua 18 points19 points ago

[–]Hime_Takamura 4 points5 points ago

[–]oberon 2 points3 points ago

I have no idea what I just upvoted.

[–]Phoequinox 3 points4 points ago

Trifecta of perfect punning.

[–]Innominaut 3 points4 points ago

"Tut tut, looks like pain."

[–]Wonderfat 20 points21 points ago

"All you had to do was follow the damn train, Christopher Robin!"

[–]shrlock 4 points5 points ago

I'm stuck on that level. Fuck that level.

[–]TheWinStore 4 points5 points ago

"I was raised in Ashdown Forest the projects"

[–]MD_NP12 45 points46 points ago

"Oh bother...now I'll have to break your legs"

[–]DELTATKG 72 points73 points ago

[–]PatAunces 26 points27 points ago

Looking straight gah-rizzly

[–]jonahlew 58 points59 points ago

Paws-itively!

[–]undercutting_zane 45 points46 points ago

That fence does not look safe

[–]Gizzard_Puncher 44 points45 points ago

The bears do though, so it's okay.

[–]Jakalll 10 points11 points ago

Someone in another post awhile back pointed out it was an electric fence or something to keep them from getting out.

At least i hope they were right.

[–]dafragsta 17 points18 points ago

I saw this movie. It was called Bearassic Park. Wait, that was a porno.

[–]Jakalll 10 points11 points ago

......go on.

[–]NotVerySmarts 19 points20 points ago

Green is for the money

Bitch Where's My Honey?

[–]BaronVonKlotz 10 points11 points ago

Tigger is you crazy?

[–]biblevscapcom2 4 points5 points ago

I fronted you two Jars you either give em back, give back that skrilla tigga or I break your fucking legs and get that money tomorrow

[–]countfluffythetrout 147 points148 points ago

Time to be a BOTHER!

[–]supaspy 27 points28 points ago

The Hundred Acre Wood. Home... at least it was before I bothered everything up.

[–]Dr_Medic345 83 points84 points ago

And that is when the acid kicked in for CJ.

[–]Mozzarella_FoxFire 43 points44 points ago

Damn, Smoke! You a goddamn bear or some shit.

[–]scooby_GANG 41 points42 points ago

[–]filthyhobo 9 points10 points ago

turned out better than expected.

[–]spp41 1 point2 points ago

Thanks

[–]Rhiokai 101 points102 points ago

There's something terrifying about a big yellow bear walking at you with a bat...

[–]os99 72 points73 points ago

...stuck in his face.

[–]oSand 54 points55 points ago

Not a bat. It's a Pooh stick.

[–]MakesUpRandomFacts 9 points10 points ago

Did you know that pooh sticks were invented by cavemen? They used them as a means of establishing dominance. Jousting with a pooh stick that was forged naturally from each cavemen's own stool gave him pride and confidence. The pooh-off champion was rewarded with the cave mistress jumping out of a pooh cake. These age old traditions are still around today, mostly among the pooh nether regions of the United States. Detroit is actually the lead pooh stick distributor in the country.

[–]siegewolf 7 points8 points ago

This would be normal in Saints Row.

[–]Chickunkey 4 points5 points ago

I think it's the bat.

[–]elephantx 3 points4 points ago

big yellow half-naked bear

ftfy

[–]RageGodReed 57 points58 points ago

Chill Big Smoke, chill! Chill!

[–]Rufiuss 11 points12 points ago

Moms is dead yo...

[–]Unethical_Panda 15 points16 points ago

what fucking book!

[–]LeonTrotsky_on_speed 5 points6 points ago

The good book, man, know I'm sayin'?

[–]RageGodReed 2 points3 points ago

Awww CJ mah dawg!!

[–]JankstarrK 1 point2 points ago

We are both blessed and cursed.

[–]A_GZA 23 points24 points ago

AYO POOH BEAR

[–]BonerDude 15 points16 points ago

Piglet you a busta

[–]norealpurposehere2 24 points25 points ago

"YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE MOTHERFUCKA"

[–]Fawful 3 points4 points ago

Fool

[–]daxem2k 19 points20 points ago

That terrified me on some deep level

[–]TheWalmartRapist 14 points15 points ago

To be fair, that would be fucking terrifying...

[–]mrdoink20[!] 13 points14 points ago

"Ey yo, Pooh man it's your brother, man, Carl"

[–]Extremexeon 9 points10 points ago

[–]tututitlookslikerain 8 points9 points ago

"Tut tut, looks like rain motherfucker!"

[–]Martel732 6 points7 points ago

Tut tut, it looks like pain, motherfucker!

FTFY

[–]ThundarrtheRedditor 6 points7 points ago

Anybody make a Naughty Bear mod where you play as pooh?

[–]shrlock 3 points4 points ago

Was naughty bear even a good game?

[–]Skimmerlit 5 points6 points ago

Um.. Depends on how easily you're entertained. Personally, tying one of those cruel, heartless bastards to a chair and gutting them, slowly, painfully, making them fucking regret not caring about me, the poor, insecure bear. Then, when my face is covered in their fuzz, I don their clothing, gather my bloodied supplies, and repeat the process as many times as I have to until they get the message... But they never will. Boo.

[–]ThundarrtheRedditor 2 points3 points ago

Didn't try it.

[–]IsSuchAThingPossible 185 points186 points ago

I like to stalk people in Grand Theft Auto 4.

Follow them everywhere they go. They get in a cab or car, I'll follow behind them slowly at pace equal to theirs, always two cars length behind them. They get a hot dog, I get a hot dog, etc.

While doing this one day I came across a couple, a dark haired man with medium length hair and this girl who had gorgeous long blond hair.

I followed this couple for miles, from Alderney City to the bright neon lights of Star Junction, they were seemingly happy, joyful, in love with one another. The man cared for his girlfriend, and the girlfriend cared for her boyfriend.

They ate happily together, eating hot dogs, talking in the city, and always staring into each others eyes with deep glee and happiness. I had never seen so much love between two people. I cared for these two as much as they cared for each other. I would do as much as I can to make sure nothing would ever happen too them. After going ahead of them a bit and beating up hobos, walking in traffic ahead of them to make sure if a car were to come I would take it for them, and any other nuisance there could be.

Then it happened. After watching them stare at a giant ad in the Star Junction I realized something. I am alone. There was no one. Michelle was long gone for something I do not wish to bring up. Kiki dumped me when she found out I had been having intercourse with hookers then bash their heads in with a baseball bat to gain my money back. Carmen never called me again after our first date, mostly due to me pushing her down a set of subway stairs and then stopping her head into the steps. I never tried any other woman due to me thinking it was pointless at this point. I began to feel sad.

I thought to myself, "Why can that man not be me?" "Is he any better than me?" "Why wouldn't she think of dating me? Get some coffee, even at least TALK TO ME?" I wanted her. I wanted this mysterious blond with the looks of an angel and the laugh of a child. I wanted to be that man. I wanted to have what he had, to know that joy of having somebody care for your own well being. I was jealous of the man. I wanted that I could not have, that I desired for so much. The longer I watched them, the longer I wanted to become him, at any cost. I then felt remorse. Saddened of what I had become, a lonesome man stalking random pedestrians, but when the thought of this man touching her, kissing her, loving her... the thought of remorse was thrown to the back of my head as if I had never thought it.

I set forth a plan. I will kill him. Take up my new identity as him and the blond and me will live happily together forever.

I knew what I had to do. I kidnapped her and drove her whilst her screaming like a banshee. I reach my destination, the cliff next to Mikhail Faustin's house. If you've ever seen this part of the game there are rocks and old cars that seem like they’re from the '50s and '60s at the bottom.

I rev my engine. She screams even louder. I drive faster, faster, and faster. Her death curling scream gets louder, louder, and louder.

We fly off the edge.

Everything is then silent for a mere second. The second feels like an eternity. I know what I am doing, I feel no regret. I am also for the first time in a long time…happy.

We both plummet to bottom and die instantaneously. They will never know who killed John, or the cab driver Shafeeq. They will never find the body of Sara or Niko Bellic. The ocean mixed with gasoline fueled fire will ruin any traces of either of our pasts or future.

I then revive at a hospital and steal a Blista Compact and go bowling with Roman.

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 120 points121 points ago

For anyone unaware, IsSuchAThingEvenPossible literally does nothing but go around posting copypasta.

Or saying things like "nailed it level: gem"

:{

[–]CannedSewage 32 points33 points ago

In his defense, he was mocking OP when he said "NAILED IT LEVEL: GEM".

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 16 points17 points ago

Well, yeah, that's what I meant - when he's not spilling spaghetti everywhere he's doing stuff like that.

[–]Fintonius 11 points12 points ago

What is your favorite food?

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 8 points9 points ago

Fried chicken.

[–]Fintonius 6 points7 points ago

Really? What sort of dipping sauce?

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 6 points7 points ago

What kind of nonsense?

[–]Strug-ga-ling 7 points8 points ago

This comment earned him/her an Inciteful Comment trophy?

http://imgur.com/seh6p

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 3 points4 points ago

I'm confused, sorry.

[–]mister_baiter 6 points7 points ago

I knew I read this before somewhere

[–]mistermojorisin 73 points74 points ago

Is such a thing possible?

[–]Strug-ga-ling 101 points102 points ago

[–]mistermojorisin 7 points8 points ago

I expected nothing less.

[–]SolarTsunami 21 points22 points ago

I'm glad you took all the time out of your day to steal someone elses comment, you douche bag.

[–]will851 26 points27 points ago

Good story, would read again 9.5/10

[–]Reesch 15 points16 points ago

Hey, what's with the 0.5?

[–]GeorgeTaylorG 18 points19 points ago

Nothing's perfect.

[–]chrisc098 4 points5 points ago

Not telling how he killed the man.

[–]ewest 9 points10 points ago

Reminds me of Fallout 3 Hardcore Style.

[–]MarineKimPrime 5 points6 points ago

Bad copy pasta; no suspense, no originality. The only redeeming factor for you is the fact you didn't write this huge waste of time. Google harder next time.

[–]Dat_Karmavore 4 points5 points ago

Reddit, full of perfectly normal people.

[–]artacuno53 4 points5 points ago

And he has telekinesis!?

[–]iniightmareav 3 points4 points ago

Ayo Ryder, help! WE AIN'T GOT NO HONEY!

[–]Mr_Muscles 12 points13 points ago

I could argue why San Andreas is the best game of all time.

[–]NemWan 29 points30 points ago

When I was playing it, I agreed. I kept thinking, this is the only video game anyone would ever need. It does everything. Then GTA IV came out and the atmosphere spoiled me. GTA V has one job: be GTA SA with GTA IV and Red Dead Redemption's detail.

[–]mathmat 20 points21 points ago

And it's doing just that.

Just announced: It's GTA IV level detail over a map the size of Red Dead Redemption, GTA SA, and GTA IV combined

[–]NoVaGuy 8 points9 points ago

would that fit on an 8.5GB Xbox disc?

[–]TehFet 3 points4 points ago

It'll probably go the route of Halo 4. You install some stuff on another disc and play it all on the main disc (a total of 2 discs). Disc.

[–]cheops1853 5 points6 points ago

Instead of having a natural disaster blocking the vast majority of the map in the beginning, it's DLC.

[–]BurningWater 2 points3 points ago

Big Pooh, no!

[–]AnxiousInfusion 2 points3 points ago

This mod. How do I get it?

[–]Jon46 5 points6 points ago

[–]AnxiousInfusion 1 point2 points ago

To be honest, I didn't even google it. I just wrote the comment as to say "I like this".

[–]Iceman531 4 points5 points ago

[–]chickenandcheese 2 points3 points ago

...Looks like that guy was pooh-ing his pants.

[–]Aethersniper[!] 1 point2 points ago

That's oddly terrifying.

[–]TheFNG 1 point2 points ago

Happy cake day.

[–]WhatHappenedLastNite 1 point2 points ago

I swear I had a dream exactly like this before...

[–]andrewbr500 0 points1 point ago

He looks so happy.

[–]ewest 0 points1 point ago

Is this an available mod for GTA?

[–]Usaron 0 points1 point ago

This was a nice surprise :)

[–]NeuxSaed 1 point2 points ago

For some reason I feel really bad for the man cowering in fear.

I want to help him.

[–]b3nd33z33 -1 points0 points ago

Aw man i love this! My nickname is Pooh Bear :p

[–]D33GS 1 point2 points ago

It would be funnier if the bat wasn't inside Pooh's face.

[–]fawnfodder 1 point2 points ago

Let me tell you, if a giant Pooh Bear came through my door with a bat, I'd shit myself till my jeans are brown.

[–]blackrend 1 point2 points ago

You picked the wrong house, fool!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Baron_Von_Gagenshatz 2 points3 points ago

Crtl-F'd, was not disappointed.

[–]irtimixd 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit, I saw this on Facebook 4 days go. All of my wat.

[–]dregan 0 points1 point ago

I want more!

[–]MaoriJesus 1 point2 points ago

You picked the wrong house fool!!

[–]LittleOni 1 point2 points ago

That's what happens when tiggers fuck with Poo's hunny.

[–]gabengabengaben 0 points1 point ago

That's not even his final form

[–]stormclaw11 0 points1 point ago

WHERE'S THE HONEY? YOU WANNA BACK-TALK ME, TELL ME WHERE IT IS! smack smack smack. TELL ME, OR I BEAT YOU THE FUCK DOWN! Don't you run away from me! blood stains

[–]kanned 0 points1 point ago

Pooh keeping the hundred acre wood on lock down.

[–]bringerof 1 point2 points ago

[–]kabukistar 2 points3 points ago

"You broke into the wrong house, motherfucker."

"No wait, Pooh. Pooh, wait! It's me, CJ!"

[–]ItsameKristie 1 point2 points ago

Bitch! Where's the fucking honey?!?!

[–]otaku1497 0 points1 point ago

Oh fuck I read your books!

[–]F3mm3Fatal3 0 points1 point ago

NO POOH NOOOOO

[–]jm001 0 points1 point ago

You a busta Piglet

[–]innocent_pasta 0 points1 point ago

The "Where's my honey?" mod

[–]tylerhuse109 0 points1 point ago

looks like someone forgot to deliver the honey

[–]MikeDamone 0 points1 point ago

I was a little disappointed we didn't get to see Pooh cave his skull in.

[–]dasheekeejones 0 points1 point ago

Two words:

Bath salts.

[–]wilbla5 0 points1 point ago

Is that Diddy?

[–]ninjaplease69 0 points1 point ago

I choked on my milk when I say this. You have made my day. I literally have milk in my lungs, it feels fantastic so you know. No sarcasm intended ;P

[–]gimmeboobs 0 points1 point ago

Hundred Acre Grove Street. Home.

[–]boxerej22 -1 points0 points ago

4chan's fingerprints are all over this one

[–]Otaku_Son 0 points1 point ago

I want that mod.

[–]DystopianReality 0 points1 point ago

GTA 6: Right to Bear Arms

[–]augbog 0 points1 point ago

"Don't make me go Pooh on you."

Pun intended.

[–]unicorn_factory 0 points1 point ago

You know know you have played too much GTA San Andreas whe you watch this gif and say

Watxh out C.J. He has a bat"

[–]Otaku-jin 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes you gotta beat some sense into a tigga.

[–]tanq45 0 points1 point ago

What you gunna do when the Pooh run wild on you?

[–]ChewiestBroom 0 points1 point ago

Video. The dialogue makes it even more weirdly amusing.

[–]Killerninja_254 0 points1 point ago

"Bitch, where tiger?'

[–]Gentleraptor 0 points1 point ago

I want to see this with the GTA hot coffee mod.

[–]dudehellno 0 points1 point ago

Big Smoke was kinda like pooh, so this seems normal

[–]hbomberman 0 points1 point ago

Dammit, why'd ya do it Big Pooh?

Damn Green Sabre...

[–]Cyberslasher 0 points1 point ago

Poo's an asshole.

[–]Estoye 0 points1 point ago

Let me guess: Kenny Loggins is on every radio station.

[–]ElagabalusCaesar 0 points1 point ago

He called my friend the t-word

[–]Logia 0 points1 point ago

Wow, he actually looks scary when he's smiling like that...zz

[–]rockfordauthor 1 point2 points ago

[–]branman77 0 points1 point ago

I'd draft him for my fantasy team. Looks like a real slugger

[–]bikexpunk 0 points1 point ago

Mo honey, mo bitches.

[–]BabyWithaChainSaw 0 points1 point ago

I like this a lot better.

[–]coolmichelle 0 points1 point ago

That hurt my feelings.

[–]Dynamic_Chicken 0 points1 point ago

He just doesn't give a bother.

[–]rdpulfer 0 points1 point ago

Give him the honey. Or else.

[–]MiilkyJoe 0 points1 point ago

You picked tha wrong house, fool!

[–]AimlessAbyss 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me how crappy the graphics from San Andreas really were...

[–]Zyranium 0 points1 point ago

I bet his cheek really hurts

[–]Kriicz 0 points1 point ago

Want this for GTA4, gl finding that..

[–]rapcorruptsyouth 0 points1 point ago

Damn nigga...

[–]Vandelay797 0 points1 point ago

oh bother

[–]Blezerker 0 points1 point ago

YOU CAME TO THE WRONG HOUSE FOO'

[–]denli21 0 points1 point ago

[–]Dustmeister 0 points1 point ago

What naughty bear should have been

[–]sugmeister 0 points1 point ago

I'm in a club right now. This is too much. Lol

[–]wtfmanquestionmark 0 points1 point ago

O bother, now I have to smash your fucking head in.

[–]jsimo36 0 points1 point ago

I would never have been more terrified in my life!

[–]coolxman1015 0 points1 point ago

lol

[–]zeekar 1 point2 points ago

Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh
Listen, little fucker, don't touch his stuff

He's Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh
Willy-nilly killy old bear

[–]kinda_obvious -1 points0 points ago

lame as hell

[–]kelsaapwn 0 points1 point ago

Well that is fucking terrifying.

[–]Schmackelnuts 0 points1 point ago

I have decided that redditing any further is pointless. There is absolutely no way I will find anything better than this. Thank you, sir. You have freed me.

[–]TheHolyTreenity 0 points1 point ago

AND NOT A SINGLE BOTHER WAS GIVEN THAT DAY

[–]graaaags 0 points1 point ago

GTA meets Kingdom Hearts

[–]brb1006 0 points1 point ago

Pooh finally snapped!

[–]chingyduster 0 points1 point ago

I thought it meant Greater Toronto Area: Pooh at first.