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1586
1587

When you finish masturbating the second before someone gets home (imgur.com)

submitted ago by 5k337lady

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[–]zestyonion 73 points74 points ago

When everyone finally leaves and I can start masturbating

FTFY

[–]DrJingles 48 points49 points ago

Down to the fap dungeon.

[–]elrzepo 18 points19 points ago

To the masturbatory!

[–]Godot_12 11 points12 points ago

I prefer the masturbatorium

[–]zeroSKILLx 3 points4 points ago

That's what the Romans call it.

[–]spazmodic- 9 points10 points ago

When everyone finally leaves and I can start masturbating

[–]zeroSKILLx 106 points107 points ago

The second before?

More like "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Gotta clean this mess, put dick away, shut off porn... wut do first... wut do first... WUT DO FIRST DAMMIT!?"

[–]5k337lady[S] 108 points109 points ago

Not for ladies. Heh.

[–]5k337Daughter 36 points37 points ago

Bullshit.

[–]Wazowski 29 points30 points ago

Are you going to tell us about you mom's masturbation habits now?

[–]Preposterous_Ostrich 18 points19 points ago

Go on...

[–]JTDeuce 1 point2 points ago

You have peaked my interest.

[–]Wazowski 9 points10 points ago

(piqued)

[–]KamehameHanSolo 5 points6 points ago

You're username begs to differ. At least on the "clean this mess" part.

[–]Fir3R 4 points5 points ago

Your*

[–]KamehameHanSolo 13 points14 points ago

Oh god, what have I done!

[–]meal2goplease2 0 points1 point ago

I'm going to steal that.

[–]The_Cat_Guy 0 points1 point ago

How often does this happen to you v

[–]HookDragger 1 point2 points ago

Even better when you're meeting someone new and have to shake their hand?

[–]KillAllLawyers 0 points1 point ago

Just sit back with satisfied smile Amirite?

[–]GrukfromtheGrok 0 points1 point ago

Refer to girl caught masturbating .gif

Even worse than a guy getting caught.

[–]5k337lady[S] 2 points3 points ago

The one where she throws the dildo? I love that gif.

[–]GrukfromtheGrok 2 points3 points ago

Yea, that's the one. Wouldn't that just make it more awkward? "did you just throw your dildo at me??"

[–]floralmuse 0 points1 point ago

link?

[–]5K337Lord 17 points18 points ago

And then they walk in and youre sitting there with your dick out, tissue in hand and some bitch moaning her head off on your laptop. We've all been there bro.

[–]shinthemighty 20 points21 points ago

What the shit is going on here? I demand that you explain your relationship with OP!!

[–]5K337Lord 1 point2 points ago

Woah what? OP's name is 5k337Lady? I think I just found my future wife.

[–]shinthemighty 0 points1 point ago

Enough lies! Tell us the truth!

[–]seismick 1 point2 points ago

I think I've been smiled upon by God or something, because I have NEVER been caught despite a couple really close ones.

[–]bitcheslovedroids 1 point2 points ago

Are you OP's bf?

[–]noquedannombres 0 points1 point ago

", put dick away, ..."

Almost died of laughter, I could feel your desperation.

[–]lessqqmorebbq 0 points1 point ago

You forgot the part about running out of your neighbors back door.

[–]jwwhales 0 points1 point ago

Then you forget to unlock the door so your roommate finds you locked up looking at Reddit trying to act like nothing has been going...

[–]Spruxy 28 points29 points ago

Or, when everyone leaves the house... http://reversegif.com/p5q

[–]TheXiahouDun 14 points15 points ago

You didn't finish before they got home. They just heard you from outside and decided to wait until you were finished before entering the room because it's the polite thing to do. There's no coincidence here.

[–]studmuffffffin 1 point2 points ago

That would be very loud fapping.

[–]TheXiahouDun 0 points1 point ago

Just average.

You kids aren't as quiet as you think.

[–]Darknezz 1 point2 points ago

silent as the grave

[–]coopitypootypot 0 points1 point ago

Suddenly very mortified looking back at my childhood (at least between 9-18)

[–]Rasta_Man69 10 points11 points ago

even when my parents aren't home I still fap secretively just in case. It has saved me before.

[–]marioIsDead 6 points7 points ago

'Oh hey hun, just came back for the ke...' '

WTF! I heard you shut the front door! You were gone!' ;___;

[–]poo-poo 15 points16 points ago

See you should never put yourself in that kind of position. The sneaky fap requires many layers of security.

  • Multiple closed doors or layers. Feel like a fap? "I'm going to go take a nap." Now you can close your door, get under the blankets and hide your naked body in the event that they burst in.

  • What's that sound? At all times you should have at minimum 1 ear listening for someone coming. You should be making no noise of your own.

  • Easy clean-up. Sure it's hot to just let the spooge fly and not worry about where it lands, but when you're caught with your pants down scraping cum off your floor you're going to be sorry. Better to finish into something innocuous and innocent. Kleenex is a good option, especially if you have a lot of runny noses. Just make sure to keep things innocent looking. Maybe throw some other trash on top of the kleenex, or wrap the kleenex in more kleenex and take it to the bathroom surreptitiously for sneakiest disposal (flush).

  • If you're going to use a computer, leave no evidence behind. Incognito mode for all fap sessions. That way when you are done you can close the browser and there is no history of the awful things you have seen. Double check for extra porn popups (like livejasmin). Remember to wrap yourself in a blanket or something too, so that no one can see your naked ass sitting in the chair.

[–]Glitchiness 0 points1 point ago

And if it's a laptop, you can combine bullets one and four. I could never fap sitting up, anyway.

[–]knifegash 24 points25 points ago

I don't laugh, or feel good. I feel greasy, filthy. Minutes after finishing and cleaning up, the doorbell went off and my niece and nephew came to visit and came into my room to play. I felt sub-human, like what the fuck am I doing?

[–]poo-poo 6 points7 points ago

This morning I watched a video of a woman inserting rather large objects (like a handle of vodka). I was laughing about it being a birthing preparation video. The exact second that I finished I was actually a bit disgusted and it was no longer at all funny to me.

[–]JTDeuce 5 points6 points ago

If it makes you feel better, I have wacked it off to much worse so you are at least better than me.

[–]poo-poo 3 points4 points ago

So have I, but this was very fresh on my mind. Normally I try to finish around the same time. This time I finished and stuck around to watch the rest of the video.

[–]ThrobawayAccount 3 points4 points ago

This happens to everyone. Your mind before and after climax are, chemically, very different things.

[–]Jambam12 4 points5 points ago

You should check out r/nofap.

[–]Caramel_Chew_Chew 5 points6 points ago

There's always that telltale smell, the reddened cheeks, the rolled-up sleeve on your right arm. They always know, dude.

[–]gregogree 8 points9 points ago

Everything is put away.. Parents walk in with company..Old friend of theirs..introduces you to them..shakes your hand..He instinctively pulls back from clamminess on hands before full epic handshake..You walk away to go in your room and masturbate some more..Dad says to friend, "we probably just got here after he was masturbating. We will know when he posts this story to reddit in about 15 minutes."

[–]MightySquidWarrior 0 points1 point ago

This is horrifying....

[–]originalusername2 0 points1 point ago

/r/HIFW

[–]adamgrey 1 point2 points ago

How I fap when?

[–]tcallanan87 0 points1 point ago

its the BEST feeling, kinda feel like james bond after

[–]sirius89 2 points3 points ago

Quick to the fap cave!

[–]STUN_Runner 1 point2 points ago

Oh, why is my headphone cable going through the zipper on my pants? No reason.

[–]Bobsiggitysaget 0 points1 point ago

hehe, closing the trap door. Double meaning...

[–]HolyDivr 0 points1 point ago

Some people don't realize that getting the tattoo is only a part of the experience.

[–]QuaintBlasphemy 0 points1 point ago

perfectly said

[–]blackmist 0 points1 point ago

http://i.qkme.me/3rpowt.jpg

[–]poo-poo 0 points1 point ago

Perhaps they mean after EVERYTHING is done. As in cleanup and all.

[–]delaflores 1 point2 points ago

Pretty sure I saw this on tumblr a week or two ago...

[–]youshedo 0 points1 point ago

the question is why does this happen to me 1/4 times

[–]McChickenMonkey 0 points1 point ago

not so much in a dorm room...

[–]Sonendo 0 points1 point ago

I literally laughed out loud. That means something.

[–]Dunge 0 points1 point ago

Except for the leftover smell

[–]HubertJayFarnsworth 0 points1 point ago

I never laugh out loud when I browse Reddit, I am always judgemental of people who say they laugh out loud why browsing. I'm ashamed to admit, you got me to blow up with this. Thanks.

[–]Dirty_Liberal_Hippie 1 point2 points ago

Also could be an old lady "O" face......Hmmm..... O_o

[–]creepy_is_what_I_do 0 points1 point ago

Ya, I usually make sure to put the old lady I've been staring at while masturbating back into the basement before anyone walks in.

[–]ernieTOOdope 0 points1 point ago

This made my day! haha

[–]LadyandtheMastadon 0 points1 point ago

Legitimately the funniest thing I've seen today. Well done, sir.

[–]voordalak 0 points1 point ago

OP, I've had a terrible fear of this witch ever since I saw her as a child. I hadn't seen her for a long time. Almost long enough to forget about her, and then this. My adrenaline is pumping, my heart is racing, and I feel sick to my stomach. I hope you're happy.

[–]WildRever 0 points1 point ago

No. No no no no no. Can someone please make a gif of the scene from the Big Lebowski where Jackie Treehorn is coming back into the room and The Dude sprints across the room and dives into a chilled position just as he walks in?

[–]youreawinner_barry 0 points1 point ago

I read this as "when you finish masturbating the second time before someone gets home" still just as funny

[–]dredawg 0 points1 point ago

Whys it smell like asparagus and hand lotion in here?

[–]ForeverTied_wifey 0 points1 point ago

Lol this totally happened to me last night!

[–]hastyspartan92 0 points1 point ago

I can think of a better gif. The "YEAH, FUCK YEAH!!!" Guf would be better

[–]trapherkeepher 0 points1 point ago

sheeewwww boy i just laughed very loudly at work for a solid 10 seconds straight. thank you for that.

[–]baker32 0 points1 point ago

heh heh heh heh

[–]PandaSixx -2 points-1 points ago

Oh wow, that's OC right there. Not as though it's been around Tumblr with tens of thousands of not es or anything and you totally didn't repost this.

[–]mayonesa -3 points-2 points ago

Way to creep it real, Peddit.

[–]shinthemighty -5 points-4 points ago

If this is supposed to be your junk, please see a doctor.

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