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top 200 commentsshow all 230

[–]seishi 47 points48 points ago

Let me guess, Australia?

[–]SomeBloke[S] 112 points113 points ago

South Africa, the other, other place with lots of deadly shit.

[–]lisabadcat 23 points24 points ago

Especially if you are a miner.

[–]Genmaken 43 points44 points ago

Or just a person, really.

[–]FullOfMan 5 points6 points ago

Not as bad as the seal life.

[–]telllos 14 points15 points ago

Or an Alien

[–]PancakeTune 21 points22 points ago

Fookin' proons!?

[–]ourosoad 6 points7 points ago

I would never have any kind of pornographic activity with a fookin' creature!

[–]rgeguypic 2 points3 points ago

Yep, it's tough for young kids there.

[–]jannisjr 6 points7 points ago

any idea what snake it is? Living in Swazi at the moment, we had to move a cobra off of the farm the other day. As a Brit, this shit terrifies me. I don't mind snakes, but until someone on the farm can confirm to me that it's a harmless breed i'm shitting myself. Damn some of the nature in this part of the world

[–]FaptainAwesome 2 points3 points ago

Damn nature, you scary!

[–]TexasTango 2 points3 points ago

Looks like a rather deadly snake there mate. Source..Many years of watching David Attenborough documentaries

[–]Viridovipera 3 points4 points ago

Looks like a house snake, Lycodonomorphus sp or Lamprophis sp. depending on where you live. I can tell you this, it's completely harmless. No idea how/why it got so tangled up though. Happy spring!

[–]OpIpAp -1 points0 points ago

buurrrrrrn

[–]kingofthekastle -1 points0 points ago

its them conflict diamonds

[–]docmuppet -1 points0 points ago

and who are good at rugby and cricket, they seem to go hand in hand.

[–]Xtremepado1234 0 points1 point ago

it probably tried to bite you, but since you were moving, its head got caught in the spokes of your bikes, which caused it to get tied up in your wheel

[–]TheseIronBones 1 point2 points ago

Prawn the fook up.

[–]KemintiriAtWork -1 points0 points ago

So Australia, Jr?

[–]SomeBloke[S] 29 points30 points ago

That's New Zealand but never tell a Kiwi to his face.

[–]cyanwinters 6 points7 points ago

New Zealand also doesn't have any snakes.

[–]mcguire 5 points6 points ago

It's a little-known fact that hobbits are the natural enemies of snakes.

[–]Dyanthis -1 points0 points ago

Wait, what? How can it not have snakes?

[–]TheInfernalSpark 3 points4 points ago

New Zealand, Like the Galapagos, and Hawaii are volcanically formed. The only things that had managed to reach most of them (until us) were birds. It's why a lot of animals in New Zealand are endangered. They lived for hundreds (or hundreds of thousands) of years without any outside influences until we got there. Once we did we brought our rats and other vermin which started killing everything off. See Youtube talk by Douglas Adams. He talks about some of the endangered animals on New Zealand. Particularly a kind of parrot.

[–]Dyanthis 0 points1 point ago

I had no idea!

[–]cyanwinters 3 points4 points ago

It and Hawaii don't.

Source

Edit: Second Source

You can google it yourself, too!

[–]bvimo 6 points7 points ago

Don't forget Ireland, they've been snake free since some saint did something special.

[–]cyanwinters 7 points8 points ago

Sacrificed all the potatoes to appease some form of snake god?

[–]Dyanthis 0 points1 point ago

Oh yeah? Google this!

[–]Dyanthis 0 points1 point ago

PS - Upvote

[–]Psada 1 point2 points ago

Denmark almost doesn't have snakes either and we arn't even an island.

[–]MTknowsit 3 points4 points ago

Well, that's because the snakes can never warm themselves in your Arctic climate.

[–]mcguire 1 point2 points ago

Now that is immigration control!

[–]Dyanthis 0 points1 point ago

Do you have other reptiles? You are a bit chilly.

[–]RussianBeagle 0 points1 point ago

To New Zealand, I go.

[–]sativacyborg_420 0 points1 point ago

my grand mother and great grandmother are from new Zealand

[–]barbados-slim 106 points107 points ago

well, time to get a new bike.

[–]pru_man 50 points51 points ago

Yea, one with protective sidewalls that snakes can't penetrate. We'll call it... a car!

[–]fashion__king 26 points27 points ago

Are you sure that is good enough?

[–]Belsher 47 points48 points ago

Yea, I'm not gonna click that.

[–]Dustinm16 12 points13 points ago

It's tame, you may click it.

[–]bc2ba 10 points11 points ago

SHOULD NOT HAVE CLICKED SHOULD NOT HAVE CLCKED SHOULD NOT HAVE CLICKED

[–]Resaianka 16 points17 points ago

Am I the only guy on Reddit that isn't Arachnophobic?

[–]MasterFasth 7 points8 points ago

Nope.

Well, I don't really like spiders, and I think that if they'd just suddenly land on me I'd jump quite a bit, but I don't go all screaming when I see a spider, or a picture of a spider.

Isn't this thing cute?

[–]Vark675 3 points4 points ago

Hopping spiders are adorable, mostly because they always seem so curious, and not in a "Can I eat this?" kind of way.

I found one crawling around on some folded clothes at work, so I poked my finger at it and it checked me out with its little palpus, and when I didn't spook it, it crawled onto my hand and started to just wander around.

Never got flustered, just wondered what was going on.

[–]Resaianka 0 points1 point ago

Saw some of those things around my school when i was little and I thought they were so cool.

[–]DisgruntledMoose 0 points1 point ago

D'awwww!

[–]SaintZvlkx 0 points1 point ago

That thing is cute because it's small enough that you don't notice how horrifying it looks, and because it's got proper respect for people.

[–]bc2ba 3 points4 points ago

Haha probably. They're fucking creepy

[–]Lay-Z-Bones 1 point2 points ago

No i am the second, i have a business of going to redditors houses and killing spiders... Just not australian redditors. I learned that lesson after they got my third toe.

[–]Cormophyte 1 point2 points ago

"got"?

[–]Lay-Z-Bones 1 point2 points ago

The bastards took toementor from me, he's the name of my left big toe, they also got to toe and toemmy. I couldn't bare for them to take any more so i moved from australia and now nomad across the lands killing spiders until i am strong enough to reclaim my toe bones so that i may one day be recomplete.

[–]AnHonestQuestions 3 points4 points ago

IT IT TAME! SO HE HAS RULED!

[–]Belsher 1 point2 points ago

[–]agmcleod 1 point2 points ago

i had wished i didn't. Fuck spiders.

[–]Belsher 0 points1 point ago

It's spiders? FUCK. That's worse than a fucking snake.

[–]agmcleod 0 points1 point ago

The crazy ones in Australia no less :(.

[–]batteripakke 2 points3 points ago

I watched that without sound.. What the fuck

[–]T3hSav 1 point2 points ago

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

[–]TheBingage 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, so i'm never going to Australia..

[–]Knubinator 0 points1 point ago

NOOOOOOOOPE.

Sorry Enterprise, but you're going to have to get a new car.

[–]Asyx 0 points1 point ago

cunt!

[–]Rohan21166 0 points1 point ago

The chances of that link being purple...

[–]TexasTango 0 points1 point ago

Well fuck me time to sell my car

[–]sonvincent 0 points1 point ago

that is the next steve irwin

[–]iflew 0 points1 point ago

I'm not sure man, I heard they even get into planes.

[–]maximomore2 0 points1 point ago

My first thought at seeing this would, "well I'm walking."

[–]NewQuisitor 1 point2 points ago

Or stop using mouse oil on the chain

[–]dragonnovsvd 0 points1 point ago

Judging by the wheel hub alone, I'm guessing this bike cost anywhere from $1500-4000, deepening on how what the rest I the bike is made of.

[–]CamZillo 24 points25 points ago

Pedal down to the nearest corner, and the problem will sort itself out.

[–]geoper 4 points5 points ago

I know its a joke but DONT HURT THE SNAKE!

[–]Bettabecheddah 17 points18 points ago

He's right. KILL IT!

[–]ZestyProspect 14 points15 points ago

That's horrifying. Imagine having to wait until it unwrapped itself and slithered off..

[–]SomeBloke[S] 13 points14 points ago

Apparently it was still alive afterwards, looks like a type of Cobra, though hard to tell without seeing the head.

[–]Theropissed 9 points10 points ago

You live near cobras?

[–]SomeBloke[S] 11 points12 points ago

Yes, though this picture was taken by another South African cyclist.

[–]WalkerGeek 4 points5 points ago

Just spray it with water

[–]FeatherGrey 0 points1 point ago

I've actually heard booze is more effective.

[–]benzwaggy 4 points5 points ago

So you saw a snake coiled around your chain one day and reacted by riding the bike with the snake still on, shredding the snake in the process? I don't even know what to say to that.

[–]SomeBloke[S] 15 points16 points ago

My suggestion would be to say well done to the guy who uncoiled him from his cassette: http://www.thehubsa.co.za/forum/index.php?app=core&module=attach&section=attach&attach_rel_module=post&attach_id=158992

[–]Stackleberries5 5 points6 points ago

Dear diary, today OP was not a faggot.

[–]thelegitpat -1 points0 points ago

That's what I would have done. Fuck snakes I have a morbid fear of them, I can barely look at them in pictures.

[–]benzwaggy 0 points1 point ago

What if it bites you in the calf?

[–]thelegitpat 0 points1 point ago

Well then that would be bad.

[–]ZestyProspect 1 point2 points ago

Yeah maybe. Looks painful.

[–]overweightanorexic 36 points37 points ago

Wow, I bet that snake really derailed your biking activities.

[–]Canadianbacons 22 points23 points ago

Must have been an unfortunate chain of events.

[–]Nappyheaded 8 points9 points ago

Hope your Armstrong enough to yank it loose.

[–]KramericaCEO 6 points7 points ago

I wheelie doubt that.

[–]bretttwarwick 4 points5 points ago

Just get a long stick to spoke it with.

[–]presidents_choice 4 points5 points ago

I hope this snake doesn't mean the endo your day.

[–]Knubinator 2 points3 points ago

Wow, I bet that snake really derailleured your biking activities.

FTFY

[–]Knubinator -1 points0 points ago

Not my fault they messed up the pun.

[–]thlkmrtgionrfg 2 points3 points ago

Correct spelling or not, I think we got it.

[–]HansWurst121 21 points22 points ago

This kills the snake.

[–]lallish 3 points4 points ago

Only way to conquer Australia is to bike in masses over their land.

[–]benzwaggy 3 points4 points ago

It's super effective.

[–]El_Mono_Rojo -4 points-3 points ago

It is known

[–]engals 53 points54 points ago

Holy shit, that's intense. I remember I was camping in West Virginia and my friends dog was walking ahead of us (Mind you, we were all tripping on Mushrooms...) It was windy as fuck! and when you're tripping, your sense are heightened, at least hearing wise. In any case, we were all enjoying the scenery and the intense winds. As we kept hiking I realized, it wasn't windy, it was my two buddies behind me blowing in the back of my head fucking with me. So, when I heard my friend's dog barking, I knew right away that sound was a fucking rattle snake, so I just yelled the dog's name "CLOIE! GET OVER HERE! HEY!" My friends at this point are tripping balls laughing their asses off, I turn around and say, "HEY MORON YOUR DOG IS ABOUT TO GET BIT BY A FUCKING RATTLE SNAKE! CALL IT! NOW!" So, as you can imagine we're all running like idiots trying to call the dog. Finally, we catch up to the dog and at this point, the rattle snake is louder than ever! My buddy picks up his dog and I grab about ~5 foot long log. I spot the thing in a tall grass area about 10 feet ahead. At this point we're all tripping balls freaking the fuck out. As a snake lover, I hated what I had to do next, I crept up close to it and smacked it as hard as I could, right in the head. That squirmed for a bit and kept smacking (maybe 10 more times). Then, I stepped on its head and got out my jack knife decapitated it. I grabbed another piece of wood and dug a hole then used my hands to dig further, the hole at this point was 1 foot deep. I figured that was good enough and buried it's head. Then I grabbed the rest of the snake and gutted it (This was in a span of 45 minutes, I completely forgot I had 8 other people behind me mutter curses under their wondering whether this was real life or not...) I turn around after I was done and simply say, "Who wants dinner?" There a 5 second silence and we all erupted in laughter...

TL;DR Tripping balls. Rattle snake was about to bite dog. Whack-a-moled that thing to death. Buried head in a foot hole. Skinned it. DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKING SNAKE. Will post pictures later.

EDIT: JEEZ calm down. I'm at my university and don't get home till later in the evening, be patient.

EDIT 2: I searched my 4 hard drives for the photos for a couple hours but no luck... I apologize for the lame "climax"... I'll keep looking but I can't promise anything :/

[–]jcfy 35 points36 points ago

So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?" And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

[–]nojoebe 1 point2 points ago

You're so hot right now.

[–]Duffong 8 points9 points ago

Will post pictures later.

Replied and quoted so I can come back to this.

[–]Danroulette 1 point2 points ago

ditto.

[–]x1ux1u -1 points0 points ago

ottid

[–]tjdeezdick 1 point2 points ago

Yeah that.

[–]Audiophiliac 4 points5 points ago

OP better deliver, that was a cool story.

[–]engals 4 points5 points ago

Thanks man! I will as soon as I get home, I will dig through my files, this was about 4 years ago.

[–]Audiophiliac 1 point2 points ago

I'll let you slide this time, but next time to tell such an epic story I expect photos :P

[–]engals 0 points1 point ago

I appreciate your understanding kind sir. I will only share my epic tales that involve photos from now on.

[–]souldonkey 3 points4 points ago

This is the first TL;DR that has ever made me go back to the top to read the whole thing. Was not disappointed.

[–]Ent_angled 2 points3 points ago

I'm not sure if I could even watch someone gut a snake on mushrooms, let alone do it myself. Hope you kept the rattle!

[–]Aqualung69 2 points3 points ago

What part of dubv?

[–]engals 0 points1 point ago

Seneca Rocks.

[–]Aqualung69 0 points1 point ago

Thats whats up! Thats a long trek up if you did climb the switchbacks.

[–]engals 0 points1 point ago

Oh no. We were my buddy's private property. But we did trek it the next day.

[–]Billthebutchr 5 points6 points ago

Tits or gtfo

[–]engals 4 points5 points ago

My tits or the snake's tits?

[–]strict88 2 points3 points ago

Spiders have lots of eyes,so a snake must have lots of tits. Show us the snake's tits.

[–]engals 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, ate them.

[–]Drilz24 3 points4 points ago

Its been 18 minutes man where is my picture

[–]Mercury-Redstone 0 points1 point ago

This is Reddit. You know better. Updates are extinct.

[–]amcuriosity 1 point2 points ago

Ok Rambo, we will wait for pics. Take as much time as you need.

[–]Icountmysteps 0 points1 point ago

Just replying so I can...you get the idea.

[–]KraziEyez 1 point2 points ago

Oh man, serious situations on boomers are the best!

[–]engals 0 points1 point ago

Yeah man. It was a rush!

[–]ColeSloth 0 points1 point ago

I remember I was camping in West Virginia

Camping is always intents.

[–]lolsail 6 points7 points ago

Imagine riding the bike with it entwined fully through the wheel. Instant snake slushy.

[–]eulersbitch 4 points5 points ago

A friend of mine ran over a squirrel once and it broke his fork so I don't suggest trying that.

[–]Fibonacci121 4 points5 points ago

So what kind of snake was it?

[–]whenonedoorisclosed 5 points6 points ago

Fellow South African here; This looks like a juvenile mole snake. I used to catch and keep snakes as a kid and I caught one that looked just like this guy! He's a beauty, will make lots of noise and act very aggressively, but is completely harmless :) I used to have huge glass tanks in my bedroom and at any one time had puffadders, boomslang, skaapsteekers, red-lipped herald, brown house snakes, a royal python, a cape cobra etc....I love snakes!

Similar markings can be seen on this guy here:

http://www.flickriver.com/places/7ce2EPtUV7OjsPdIUg/recent/

[–]EasyPanicButton 2 points3 points ago

skaapsteekers, NOW YOUR JUST MAKING SHIT UP

[–]SomeBloke[S] 0 points1 point ago

Thanks, man. I think mole snake is the verdict. Also had my share of skaapsteekers and red-lipped heralds as a kid (about four of which escaped and slept under my pillow for a few days before our maid found them). It was good to hear that the snake survived, though looking at the picture I can't figure out how.

[–]Duffong 9 points10 points ago

[–]landaaan 2 points3 points ago

[–]Weaselvoyager 0 points1 point ago

Ewww...time to get a new bike and move some place else.

[–]yopeasants 0 points1 point ago

Snakes on a Chain, coming to theaters December

[–]VampireCircus 1 point2 points ago

FIRE! And lots of it!

[–]Dillon93 0 points1 point ago

Are you saying this has happened more than once!?

[–]doesntmatterhad 0 points1 point ago

So how did it get there, and is it caught in the chain? or is it just wrapped around it?

[–]SomeBloke[S] 0 points1 point ago

I believe it was startled as the cyclist rode past, took a strike at the bike and got pulled into the wheel and chain. He was unwrapped and released.

[–]AudacityTN 0 points1 point ago

who needs a derailleur when you've got a snake to skip your chain!

[–]DirtyTre 0 points1 point ago

Dat Asp

[–]hudony -1 points0 points ago

Chill out you motherfucker!

[–]T3hSav 1 point2 points ago

Snakes only attack quality parts. This one has clearly singled out your bike for the hubs.

[–]RouseHouse1013 0 points1 point ago

Ride about a mile and post the result in r/gore.

[–]PepNYC 0 points1 point ago

He just needs a ride to the rat store. Geez dude. Don't be so uptight.

[–]Null_zero 0 points1 point ago

Well this gives me a great idea for a new bike chain.

[–]lethal_weapon_five 0 points1 point ago

If you peddled the bike you would probably grind it up good...

[–]AustinTreeLover 0 points1 point ago

It's the snake's bike now.

[–]epic720 0 points1 point ago

manyupvotes.gif

Brilliantly clever title.

[–]jacobuj 1 point2 points ago

Bike thief deterrent activated.

[–]AHCretin 1 point2 points ago

Protected by VIPER!

[–]paidijones 1 point2 points ago

Originally I thought this was a link to show someones bike lock disguised as a snake.

[–]Ckruse922 -1 points0 points ago

Snakes on a plane reference. Love it!

[–]scruffyfox 0 points1 point ago

I'm tyred of these motherfuckin' snakes

FTFY

[–]FookingPrawns 0 points1 point ago

Burn the bike

[–]protomd 1 point2 points ago

If this happened to me I'd run away and tell everyone the story of how a snake stole my bike :(

[–]damonkat26 1 point2 points ago

I'm actually watching Snakes on a Plane right now. It's on FX

[–]polite_bulb 0 points1 point ago

Turn that small mother fucker left!

[–]mapkinase -1 points0 points ago

It was not a snake. It's a snake/dog hybrid: a snake with a dog's brain.

Snog.

[–]glassandmonocle 0 points1 point ago

Don't fuss, just start peddling and it should sort itself out.

[–]capita33 0 points1 point ago

logged in to say you have nice wheels :)

[–]tbestor 0 points1 point ago

just ride he won't be there long .. or at least most of him wont.

[–]b0utch 0 points1 point ago

Snake on the bike. Best movie ever.

[–]g-raf 1 point2 points ago

Start riding and tear that shit up

[–]rightfullrudder 0 points1 point ago

That's a nice bike. Avid Elixirs and a SRAM X-0?

[–]rufaterd 1 point2 points ago

[–]Ovitz 0 points1 point ago

Chain rhymes with plane.

[–]frogsrbetter 1 point2 points ago

If not for sits, why is it made of warm pointy metal?

[–]epsilonalpha 0 points1 point ago

Nice bike, btw...

[–]Parthros 0 points1 point ago

I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!

[–]im_at_work_now 1 point2 points ago

Just. Start. Pedaling.

Faster.

[–]unicornbunny 0 points1 point ago

Welcome to Australia!

[–]shlockin 0 points1 point ago

Probably works better than a U-bar lock

[–]Fightbuddy 0 points1 point ago

[–]josawalk 0 points1 point ago

Is this a sequel? Snakes on a Chain.

[–]Mrkickling 0 points1 point ago

Snakes on a chain

[–]peachbuzz 0 points1 point ago

Try hot sauce on your bike- Dilute with water and spray hot sauce on the area they will prob avoid it after that... Crazy snake

[–]adzug 0 points1 point ago

its a beauty shame its mangled

[–]H0l0 0 points1 point ago

poor snake

[–]vese 0 points1 point ago

So THAT'S the random stranger that fixed that guys bike chain...

[–]mspmsp123 0 points1 point ago

Next movie, 'Snakes on a Bike'

[–]qwerdf 0 points1 point ago

It could be worse.

There could be snakes on EVERY chain!

[–]VestaDear 0 points1 point ago

I once spent 20 minutes staring at my chain, waiting for the spider on it to drop low enough on it so I could stomp on it.

I have no idea how I would handle a snake.

[–]Marzipan_Brain 0 points1 point ago

That's a well spec'd bike. Easton EA90 wheels, Avid XX brakes, a SRAM PG990 cassette and judging by the rest of the spec a SRAM X0 mech?

[–]harry_deepwood 0 points1 point ago

thank you for not censoring yourself with those faggot ass *s.

[–]Yage2006 0 points1 point ago

I am tired of this motherfucking meme. And the movie wasn't even that good.

[–]djguerito 0 points1 point ago

Poor guy:(

[–]A_User 0 points1 point ago

Start pedaling. Problem solved.

[–]Kinomi 0 points1 point ago

I'd shit myself

[–]mailmanjohn 0 points1 point ago

Here in California the only thing that gets stuck in my bike chain is squirrels; those little guys seem to have a death wish.