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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]blackoak365 797 points798 points ago

no we are awake...just drunk

[–]mountainunicycler 632 points633 points ago

I'm neither awake nor asleep...

I'm studying.

[–]Ree81 318 points319 points ago

The living read.

Noo, that was terrible.

[–]mach-2 71 points72 points ago

M'ask you sumthin' Rick?

[–]useless_mirror 42 points43 points ago

Shane?

EDIT: SHAAAAYNE!?

[–]ducttape36 30 points31 points ago

rrrreeeeeeeiiiiiiihhhhhhkkkkk! dammit curl, gitinnda howsss!

[–]endline80 28 points29 points ago

fucking carl. i feel bad for the boy, had to see his moms cooter...

[–]shadypizzaguy 10 points11 points ago

Oh he saw more than that.

[–]Ag-E 2 points3 points ago

The cooter AND the uterus. Nice!

[–]hungryasabear 6 points7 points ago

COOTERUS!

[–]Boston_Pare 28 points29 points ago

You leff' mah brotha on a roof!?

[–]k1ngmad 21 points22 points ago

lori what are you doing....lorii.....stahhhppppp

[–]silent_p 9 points10 points ago

graaaaaaades

[–]rogurd 7 points8 points ago

As an English major, I liked it.

[–]mdeckert 4 points5 points ago

Did you hear the joke about the paper?

[–]crsini 17 points18 points ago

Apparently it fell flat

[–]Kodostaff 3 points4 points ago

That was just tearable.

[–]codygooch 2 points3 points ago

That was a tearable comment

[–]IAteATurtleOnce 39 points40 points ago

Studying reddit. My favorite kind of studying

[–]BCouto 34 points35 points ago

Crikey! Here we have the very unique creature known as a Redditor. It is very secluded and only leaves its habitat to feed. I moight be able to stahtle it by jamming my pinky fingah in its ahsshole

[–]truthlife 11 points12 points ago

Why did you only do the last sentence phonetically?

[–]rogurd 9 points10 points ago

I am currently writing a 15 page paper on reddit. Going on reddit in class is now "research." I love my major.

[–]IAteATurtleOnce 6 points7 points ago

well you are lucky sir. i have a 13 page paper to write on sleepwalking. kill me now

[–]crocoperson 16 points17 points ago

Yea I'm "studying" too

[–]Knigel 7 points8 points ago

F Minus.

If you're going to use quotes, you need to cite your sources in your bibliography. Plagiarism is a serious offense.

[–]jadenray64 10 points11 points ago

You should try my preferred method of study.

[–]PseudoChris 7 points8 points ago

6:30am.. Just finished studying and writing papers.. I'm not sure who decided to release Halo 4 on a Tuesday, but it was a cruel joke. On the bright side.. the sun is coming up and I'll get to sleep for a couple hours before class. :D

[–]Denludde 6 points7 points ago

No you're not. You're on reddit.

[–]lily1346 7 points8 points ago

A good 40% of studying includes clicking over to the reddit tab to see if anything happened. More if you particularly hate the subject you're "studying."

[–]Lars--Himself 4 points5 points ago

There is no way i would have graduated university last year if i knew about reddit. Thanks for holding out on me, internet.

[–]Zombie_Squid 17 points18 points ago

Schrödinger's studier neither asleep or awake

[–]flying_chrysler 10 points11 points ago

Studying: A superposition of hating my life intensely, and believing that I'm going to have an improved quality of life and higher income.

[–]Kill_You_I_Will 6 points7 points ago

Architecture student here. No such thing as sleep. Just Hibernation.

[–]BigBOSSAlak 3 points4 points ago

So true, it's like becoming a zombie absorbing information like it's brains only to go back to class and find out we need to continously learn more.

[–]MrDerisant 3 points4 points ago

I'm drunk and studying. My grades aren't to great.

[–]honestdirt 22 points23 points ago

Quite drunk.

[–]epsilonius 17 points18 points ago

and high

[–]DanaCarvey 62 points63 points ago

Legally of course, in Colorado

[–]ixreadstuff 31 points32 points ago

I think I want to move out there. For science, of course.

[–]Drandic 23 points24 points ago

And for the legalized weed.

[–]Yorpel_Chinderbapple 19 points20 points ago

Mostly science.

[–]Thumbucket 12 points13 points ago

No no, science is legal everywhere.

[–]seattlechica 4 points5 points ago

And Washington! Well, in another month or so.

[–]my2penniesworth 3 points4 points ago

and soon to be in Washington and Oregon now that voters have spoken!

EDIT: my info was from CNN online this morning but now at 4:30 pm EDT, it says Colorado and Washington only.

[–]Anotherdamnclone 8 points9 points ago

Legally of course, in Colorado

Technically it won't be legal till 2014 and then only if you're 21 or above

[–]le0pard828 10 points11 points ago

No it will become legal within the next 30 days when the governor verifies the results of the election and signs the voted-upon laws. There will be no legal distribution until 2014, but you can totally walk around smoking a J with no fear

EDIT First off, IANAL so please do not try this. Also walking around with a J is probably a bad idea regardless. Happy toking :)

[–]hustlecat 4 points5 points ago

I don't think you can do it publicly, same as drinking, but state cops can't come busting down your door if they know they're smoking.

[–]le0pard828 2 points3 points ago

Definitely makes sense that way

[–]buffpig 18 points19 points ago

Hello captain buzzkill

[–]BitsAndBytes 2 points3 points ago

I wonder of we'll see a decline in tourism from the US here in Amsterdam. ;)

[–]IAmDrumk 6 points7 points ago

Never stopped me.

[–]leorio-san 4 points5 points ago

Or living abroad...China here.

[–]Jeev3s 2 points3 points ago

And now hungover...

[–]Dunkelz 98 points99 points ago

First thing I thought when I saw that episode: god damn that is a beautiful swing.

[–]Asaoirc 41 points42 points ago

He's had a few months to practice.

[–]EmpireAndAll 20 points21 points ago

And a beautiful man, even though he is evil... Don't judge me.

[–]yiyopuga 39 points40 points ago

Am I the only one who thinks he sounds just like liam neeson? Kinda looks like him too but not really.

[–]woody2107 5 points6 points ago

His accent reminds me more of Elvis. Isn't liam Neeson scottish?

[–]Tubetrotter 8 points9 points ago

Nothern Irishman.

[–]CopEatingDonut 4 points5 points ago

I agree but he needs a better follow through with his back leg...

[–]Kbear52 97 points98 points ago

Where's this from?

[–]leontrotskitty[S] 239 points240 points ago

The Walking Dead - specifically S03EP03

EDIT: My bad, S03EP04

[–]JesusRollerBlading 349 points350 points ago

Episode 4, actually. A shitton happened in that 40 minutes and many feels were had.

[–]headwrong 127 points128 points ago

I am still having problems holding all these feels.

[–]donstone666 53 points54 points ago

I'm having difficulties in that Carl actually did something good for once.

[–]hngryhngryhippo 19 points20 points ago

So, since he's a man now, does that mean he'll stay put? Or that he just will no longer be asked to stay put?

[–]peon47 20 points21 points ago

He won't stay put. But now when he doesn't stay put, it's because He and Rick are Disagreeing, rather than just a childish mistake.

[–]DriveByStoning 12 points13 points ago

Carl is a bad ass in the comics. I was sad that he and Rick were portrayed as being a little soft in the first two seasons. When Carl put a bullet threw Shane (which happened way earlier in the comics) he was a man. Rick was the shit right out of the gate in the books but when he finally said, "This is not a democracy," he started down the correct path.

[–]SolKool 104 points105 points ago

[–]levicoultify 35 points36 points ago

Was expecting limes.

[–]Azuil 8 points9 points ago

Was expecting feels.

[–]Yoyo8 35 points36 points ago

T-dog 2012. Never forget.

The new black guy has real big shoes to fill in.

[–]sunshine-x 43 points44 points ago

His name is T-Lion.

[–]jtrot91 11 points12 points ago

Two-dog

[–]jilseng4 10 points11 points ago

The writers went all George RR Martin on everyone.

[–]swiper33 0 points1 point ago

don't remind me... crai.

[–]jukain254 2 points3 points ago

Agreed. Holy Feels ;_;

[–]iGoByManyNames 34 points35 points ago

A truly good OP

[–]Kbear52 3 points4 points ago

Thank you my friend

[–]Flint_Ironstag 3 points4 points ago

Isn't it episode 4?

[–]JesusRollerBlading 4 points5 points ago

Yes.

[–]grimebox 3 points4 points ago

I never noticed he actually hit a zombie until I saw this gif

[–]aah_zombies 6 points7 points ago

Agh! spoiler alert please! Now I know someone uses golf balls to whack zombies in s3 thanks a lot OP *sarcasm

[–]February30th 12 points13 points ago

this

O.E. þis, neuter demonstrative pronoun and adjective (masc. þes, fem. þeos), probably from a North Sea Germanic pronoun formed by combining the base *þa- with -s, which is probably identical with O.E. se "the" (representing here "a specific thing"), but it may be O.E. seo, imperative of see (v.) "to behold." Cf. O.S. these, O.N. þessi, Du. deze, O.Fris. this, O.H.G. deser, Ger. dieser.

Once fully inflected, with 10 distinct forms; the oblique cases and other genders gradually fell away by 15c. The Old English plural was þæs (nom. and acc.), which in Northern Middle English became thas, and in Midlands and Southern England became thos. The Southern form began to be used late 13c. as the plural of that (replacing M.E. tho, from O.E. þa) and acquired an -e (apparently from the influence of M.E. adjective plurals in -e; cf. alle from all, summe from sum "some"), emerging early 14c. as modern those.

About 1175 thes (probably a variant of O.E. þæs) began to be used as the plural of this, and by 1200 it had taken the form these, the final -e acquired via the same mechanism that gave one to those.

[–]SavingMyWit 1 point2 points ago

Ha! Smart-arse.. Pity some can't take a joke.

[–]bassistwanted 1 point2 points ago

We can take jokes, we just prefer them to be good...

[–]RedTiger013 115 points116 points ago

And it was T-Dogs biggest speaking roll so far.. what a shame

[–]crocoperson 80 points81 points ago

But there's another black guy so it's all good

[–]turd_scramble 76 points77 points ago

Those who skipped this week's episode won't even notice the difference

[–]ablok 42 points43 points ago

people skip episodes ?!?!?!

[–]nicolauz 20 points21 points ago

The middle ground of Season 2 was a snoozefest. Minus the bar scene.

[–]sofa_king_what 2 points3 points ago

And we all know what you tell a show with two black eyes.

[–]Frankeh 4 points5 points ago

I'm up for just calling him t-dawg still and pretending he didn't die.

[–]Boss_daddy 33 points34 points ago

Isnt it obvious though? the SECOND you become a moral compass on that show you die

[–]RedTiger013 30 points31 points ago

Basically if you disagree with Rick you're gonna die

[–]N0V0w3ls 3 points4 points ago

Dale dragged along for a while as a moral compass. He seemed to survive your paradigm.

[–]findable 5 points6 points ago

AWWW HELL NAW

[–]Just2UpvoteU 9 points10 points ago

[–]Raspieman 0 points1 point ago

ouch, right in the spoil!

[–]peon47 1 point2 points ago

The second he said God was protecting him, I waved goodbye.

[–]Bronkic 17 points18 points ago

That's understandable, he was already bitten at that point.

[–]BerenCamlost 3 points4 points ago

I waved goodbye before that, when he was bit on the shoulder. Didn't think they'd be able to cut off his shoulder.

[–]partykitty 18 points19 points ago

Americans are asleep, post Romney.

[–]spitfire25565 1 point2 points ago

I may never sleep again after seeing this.

[–]ptboi42 0 points1 point ago

Why did you have to post a picture of his face? I never want to see this man again.

[–]irascible 45 points46 points ago

We;re SO FUCIKING Drunk,... I love all you pond oppeople...

[–]The_Brad 16 points17 points ago

we love you too big guy.

[–]dophie23 23 points24 points ago

Thiserican is always awake.

[–]dophie23 24 points25 points ago

Never mind, I'm gonna go with the drunk comment, my typing skills prove that point.

[–]Black6x 9 points10 points ago

[–]TrolleyPower 13 points14 points ago

You do know when they awake up we're not gonna stop hearing about Obama.

[–]10051 2 points3 points ago

...or that they legalized weed in Colorado. What's "Obama"?

[–]PaperPhoneBox 19 points20 points ago

My thought was who is the poor bastard that has to go collect the balls? A town that small, even if it had a sporting goods store would have run out by now.

[–]heruskael 29 points30 points ago

It's how new guys prove themselves.

[–]topside_downes 6 points7 points ago

You just made me remember how UNREAL that episode was. It was awful and amazing all at once. I was crying like a baby. Amazing show.

[–]Bromazepam 9 points10 points ago

Really? Because usually when I wake up the front page is more or less the same unless something big has happened, like today where it was all Obamastuff.

Or perhaps Americans are actually the ones who don't post crap, and we are the ones who fill /r/new with unworthy shit.

[–]TheArcane 10 points11 points ago

you mean /new

[–]AkaRobertSilva 16 points17 points ago

The one thing i hate about The Walking Dead....the 100% guaranteed nonstop head shots...even with golf balls

[–]TheBoyWhoCriedDicks 9 points10 points ago

Well to be fair, it's better than having stormtrooper aim.

[–]loonsun 2 points3 points ago

Me and my friend call that fucker Handsome Jack for a reason

[–]Oeab 3 points4 points ago

What show/movie is this from?

[–]29083011397778 13 points14 points ago

I live in Canada and am awake. You're welcome for gracing Reddit with my presence. You can thank the 2L of Mountain Dew keeping me company.

[–]CynicalRealist 16 points17 points ago

How the fuck do you remember your username.

[–]29083011397778 9 points10 points ago

I spent an afternoon or two memorizing it a couple years ago. Makes a perfect username (memorable to others, always available for me (making remembering accounts easy for me), etcetera).

[–]partykitty 12 points13 points ago

A string of seemingly random numbers isn't memorable, yo.

[–]kitcatcher 10 points11 points ago

0118 999 881 999 119 7253

[–]Gorilla_Triscuits 5 points6 points ago

As opposed to an actual female.

[–]onceblnd 0 points1 point ago

Hahahah, that pretty much sums up the feeling.

[–]yooper80 0 points1 point ago

Ok, what the hell....

I keep seeing these posts about r/new, but every time I try to go there, it says it's banned.

[–]PumpActionYogurt 2 points3 points ago

What movie is this from?

[–]dreamendDischarger 3 points4 points ago

It's from a TV show, The Walking Dead.

[–]tycoon177 2 points3 points ago

'Murica!

[–]riverj09 2 points3 points ago

could anyone tell me what /r/new is? It's banned now :(

[–]The_Peagle 3 points4 points ago

I think he just meant the "new" tab at the top, not an actual subreddit.

[–]lossno 4 points5 points ago

Australia represent!

[–]phantom_lord 6 points7 points ago

Yeahnah

[–]lossno 8 points9 points ago

I sense this happening to me soon ;)

[–]dsgnmnky 3 points4 points ago

American here. About to go to sleep. My schedule is funky.

[–]citysnake 4 points5 points ago

*insert shameless /r/upvotegifs plug *

[–]Malplace 4 points5 points ago

Or this and this

[–]Malplace 1 point2 points ago

[–]nachumama -1 points0 points ago

when i go to reddit.com/r/new it says that the subreddit has been banned. what am i doing wrong?

[–]ThatGhost 1 point2 points ago

Oh, we aren't asleep

[–]AreYouInGoodHands 0 points1 point ago

T-Dog nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[–]ShinySpoon 0 points1 point ago

Tell me about it. I work third shift in the Eastern Time Zone in the US and New is dead during my entire shift.

[–]AllMustSuffer 1 point2 points ago

I'm not asleep; I've just been ignoring you. I never sleep.

[–]SuperKingBender 1 point2 points ago

Everyone always talks shit when they think no one's paying attention.

[–]j1xwnbsr 0 points1 point ago

Right in the middle of my backswing!

[–]non-discernable 1 point2 points ago

what show is this from?

[–]obylix_work -1 points0 points ago

i like the gif and all but i dont get what your title really has to do with it?

you downvote all non american posts?

your downvote goes further without americans?

[–]spirit_spine -1 points0 points ago

The Governor has got one hell of a swing.

[–]igdub -1 points0 points ago

Heh, usually the opposite for my comments.

[–]UNKN -1 points0 points ago

Was playing Halo 4 then DayZ sorry, I don't sleep.

[–]SomeNormalGuy -1 points0 points ago

As an American, have an upvote :)

[–]Lard_Arse 0 points1 point ago

You know, Americans aren't the only ones who use Reddit.

[–]TomSellecksStash -1 points0 points ago

Touche.......

[–]Vargolol 0 points1 point ago

Good to see a foreign stranger say something nice about us instead of hearing how fat and inbred I am. Haven't even been with reddit for half a year to know it consists of indiscriminating but very, very judgmental people. A good bunch, as long as you keep any special sort of sense of humor to yourself.

[–]dacah 0 points1 point ago

No matter how much you keep telling yourself that you hate us, you know you would miss us if we weren't here.

[–]steinmas -2 points-1 points ago

OMFG THANK YOU FOR FINDING/MAKING THIS DOWNVOTE GIF.

[–]downvoteme2neg_inf -1 points0 points ago

HIS STANCE SUCKS

[–]Waffle842 -1 points0 points ago

I was expecting a gif....

[–]LeCaptainCanuck -1 points0 points ago

How do you kill one who has no life ?

[–]DragonTycoon -1 points0 points ago

Nice shot, Governer

[–]TehOrcishHuman -1 points0 points ago

Link where I can get that .GIF without the downvote arrow? I'm lazy

[–]shockzone -1 points0 points ago

The Governor of new

[–]jonnyohio -1 points0 points ago

No wonder only reposts make it to the front page. It's you non-Americans that are at fault! You will rue the day you down voted all those new posts with OC. Now start rueing!

[–]Rasuian 0 points1 point ago

I love these all-around perfect gif captions. Upvote.

[–]shadypizzaguy 0 points1 point ago

I appreciate you waiting until now to post this. Just got caught up yesterday.

[–]Briinkx 1 point2 points ago

Saw this on /r/picrequests yesterday and it still keeps cracking me up.

[–]amsterdamsweet 0 points1 point ago

we dont sleep

[–]dannydale 0 points1 point ago

Guys, I woke up an hour ago and I'm still drunk from last night!

[–]DrMasterBlaster 0 points1 point ago

Engaged!

[–]jdog90000 0 points1 point ago

oh cmon!! no spoiler tag?? goddammit!!

[–]LP700-4 0 points1 point ago

An up vote wasn't enough, I have to acknowledge that this is one of the rare times that I actually laughed out loud at a Reddit post. This was just perfect.

[–]saintjeremy 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes people wonder why I am laughing at my desk, when I show them this they walk away even more confused.

[–]cuppaton 0 points1 point ago

true redditors never sleep...

[–]ticktock44 0 points1 point ago

I loled before I even saw the Gif

[–]rhombus2210 0 points1 point ago

[–]mgill355 0 points1 point ago

Oh god.. this made me laugh so hard.

[–]gloriani 0 points1 point ago

Well, at least its this and not collecting human heads in fishtanks ;)

[–]ZTFS 0 points1 point ago

That episode was just brutal.

[–]anti_taco -1 points0 points ago

At least give credit to the reddit user that made this gif.

[–]BenAdaephonDelat 0 points1 point ago

Uh, spoilers? Great. Now I know which zombie gets hit in the head with a golf ball. Jerk.

[–]DennishIrst 0 points1 point ago

I could watch this all day

[–]jbadsm 0 points1 point ago

Spoiler alerts everywhere.

[–]LimeAided 0 points1 point ago

Actually, it seems like you're spending a good amount of time on photoshop.

[–]HiImTed 0 points1 point ago

what is /r/new and why was it banned?

[–]skinnysky 0 points1 point ago

I love you not americans. :)

[–]tommica 0 points1 point ago

Let me help you with that with this