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top 200 commentsshow all 241

[–]Gorkymalorki 140 points141 points ago

For some reason Elmo is also a Colonel.

[–]Creedelback 100 points101 points ago

In Elmo's world, country run by totalitarian military junta.

[–]techtakular 24 points25 points ago

Seig smile! Or off to the Gulag!

[–]elixalvarez 7 points8 points ago

EEAEEHAHAHAHA

[–]N0V0w3ls 63 points64 points ago

Colonel level 1 it seems. What a noob. I bet he plays recon and snipes from the crane.

[–]Yep_its_A 12 points13 points ago

Bro do you even lift?

[–]treecosy 7 points8 points ago

Brohonestly

[–]OseanStratagy 2 points3 points ago

no :(

[–]ThatGreekGuy -1 points0 points ago

I understand that reference.

[–]Silenced_is_Foo 8 points9 points ago

What am I looking for to see that?

[–]superbadninja 14 points15 points ago

The silver eagle on his chest. It is the Army insignia for Colonel (O-6) which is equivalent to the rank of Captain in the US Navy (also O-6).

[–]arichard2401 8 points9 points ago

It's the insignia for O6 in all services. Colonel in Army, Marines, Air Force; Captain in the navy.

[–]andrewgomez 4 points5 points ago

i got that...

[–]Inamanlyfashion 2 points3 points ago

I was wondering when he made O-6...

[–]tunersharkbitten 1 point2 points ago

or a captain...

[–]museumsarewonderful 213 points214 points ago

"Well, Elmo think that a troop surge would help to provide the time and conditions conducive to reconciliation among political and ethnic factions."

[–]Homepie 170 points171 points ago

28,000! 28,000 troops! Ah ah ah ah!

[–]BromanderData 47 points48 points ago

But who would voice the Count? :(

[–]guineafear 33 points34 points ago

this made me sad...

[–]firecrotch59 0 points1 point ago

Fiber makes Elmo sad.

[–]scriptmonkey420 13 points14 points ago

Karl Rove.

[–]1kingdomheart 4 points5 points ago

Morgan Freeman

[–]Cicero_X -1 points0 points ago

I read 'Coont' :(

[–]SpaceFloow 3 points4 points ago

If you didn't read this in Elmo's voice, you're in trouble..

[–]cpxh 251 points252 points ago

I can picture his cabinet now.

The Count can be Director of Treasury.

Oscar can be the Director of Health and Human Services.

Bert and Ernie could head up the Department of Interior.

[–]Yamizaga 388 points389 points ago

Or it would just be an actual cabinet... following the pentagon logic.

[–]giveitago 202 points203 points ago

He eventually gets impeached for having one nightstand.

[–]Zovistograt 56 points57 points ago

I hope he likes peaches.

[–]runsoutofspace 5 points6 points ago

I'm really glad my office is empty right now.

[–]giveitago 8 points9 points ago

I can't actually take credit. It's an Avenue Q reference.

[–]coleosis1414 1 point2 points ago

The internet is for porn

[–]giveitago 0 points1 point ago

So grab your dick and doubleclick for porn, porn, porn.

[–]Fortehlulz33 1 point2 points ago

Favorite Musical. Until I see the Book of Mormon.

[–]justadude23 0 points1 point ago

Muppet Babies already did that joke.

[–]blh1003 69 points70 points ago

cookie monster for secretary of defense because he literally eats up most of the budget

[–]diamond 15 points16 points ago

Actually, Oscar should be the Ambassador to the UN.

[–]pieguyfry22 4 points5 points ago

He already looks like a muppet.

[–]ENKC 3 points4 points ago

That's the joke.

[–]pieguyfry22 1 point2 points ago

I meant he looks like a muppet, but not like Oscar the Grouch.

I must have typed the rest of the comment in my head. (I'm so brilliant sometimes, I tell you.)

[–]FoodIsProblematic 5 points6 points ago

Can we make Oscar the Grouch the Secretary of Defense? I kinda miss Donald Rumsfeld.

[–]cyclicamp 0 points1 point ago

Unfortunately, none of them will be able to enact any policy due to Grover's Singer Protection Pledge holding all aligned members of congress from singing any new songs.

[–]HaiKarate 462 points463 points ago

"Elmo doesn't fucking care that there are women and children in that village! Elmo needs a drone strike RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!"

[–]Yoyo8 113 points114 points ago

LA LA LALA LA LA LALA, ELMOS WORLD.

diabolical laugh

[–]huntewiden 2 points3 points ago

Elmo loves his nukes and, his warheads too!

[–]farceur318 131 points132 points ago

"Elmo needs oil like cookie monster needs his goddamn cookies!"

[–]EndymionAwake 35 points36 points ago

Oil is a sometimes energy source?

[–]Memmott503 5 points6 points ago

Well depends on how you smoke it

[–]Kavusto 4 points5 points ago

if anyone else has been saying these things in elmo's voice, i just want to say

Titty sprinkles

[–]SirFappleton 7 points8 points ago

This needs to be a thing, right now. It would be far better than Lil' Bush.

[–]bobafoote 39 points40 points ago

One of my many talents is I can talk like ELMO, let me see if I can record and upload this at work.

[–]grape_juice_nigz 29 points30 points ago

[–]Get_Soggy 10 points11 points ago

[–]Comeh 18 points19 points ago

Not sure if this is a talent or a curse...

[–]kenba2099 13 points14 points ago

Can talk like Elmo, not always talks like Elmo.

[–]fallenmonk 5 points6 points ago

And that's why Grover is a terrorist

[–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 4 points5 points ago

Mr. Noodle

[–]mambypambyland -2 points-1 points ago

Since when did Elmo turn into President Obama?

[–]frogmeat 17 points18 points ago

That's President Elbama to you.

[–]WatchYourTone 11 points12 points ago

Elmobama. Dude. It practically put a bow on itself.

[–]frogmeat 0 points1 point ago

But it's too long! Maybe the bow will break up the length. ;)

[–]spiny_dogfish 45 points46 points ago

as a dad forced to watch every minute of sesame street recorded in the past 5 years, i appreciate every trace of wit and humor i can glean from it. this is gold. i especially love jason schwartzman as the crazy host of Cast Iron Cook

[–]Ermagerditsme 4 points5 points ago

Halfgarian Goulash!

[–]spiny_dogfish 3 points4 points ago

i treasure his reactions every time he tastes his Cast Iron Chefs' creations, when he goes orgasmically cross-eyed, oh geez...

[–]Ermagerditsme 3 points4 points ago

I liked the back and forth between his Chefs when the middle one kept dropping stuff in the food. Thank you, Sesame Street, for helping keep us parents sane while watching :)

[–]huxrules 3 points4 points ago

Oh those Noodles sure are great swingers!

[–]Not_Steve 3 points4 points ago

They played that episode yesterday, I racked my brain but could not figure out that it was Jason Schwartzman. Thanks for unintentionally answering a question of which I did not ask you!

[–]midfield_ruffian 2 points3 points ago

Birdwalk Empire made me laugh.

[–]fitzlurker 34 points35 points ago

Holy shit! I saw thus, then looked up at the TV: guess what my daughter is watching right now? President Elmo Rocks!

[–]diabolical-sun 12 points13 points ago

Baader-Meinhof working overtime.

[–]aforsythe 15 points16 points ago

The pentagon is high!

[–]Tokacheif 2 points3 points ago

as fuck!

[–]steezenskis 0 points1 point ago

that pentagon is high a fucking kite!

[–]AbsolutionDouble0 16 points17 points ago

I can imagine the pentagon getting out of line and being escorted off by the letters M and P.

[–]missxjulia 12 points13 points ago

We saw that today too. And he didn't live in the White House, it was The Red House.

[–]zhaoz 22 points23 points ago

PBS is communist, confirmed!

[–]runsoutofspace 8 points9 points ago

Good Guy Romney: thwarting the Soviets once again for liberty and justice.

[–]mehatch 11 points12 points ago

This is exactly why I voted for Triangle Man.

[–]kuar_z 7 points8 points ago

I'm just not sure on his stance regarding the rights of Person Man.

[–]fireduck 5 points6 points ago

Fuck Person Man. He is a cunt.

[–]almeida37 4 points5 points ago

You would be too, living your life in a garbage can.

[–]mehatch 2 points3 points ago

He's either depressed or in a mess, either way, if he doesn't deserve our vote, he at least deserves our compassion.

[–]Owitb 0 points1 point ago

A degraded man, that Person Man is. Who came up with person man!?

[–]SubmergedYak 6 points7 points ago

PARTICLE MAN 2012

[–]mehatch 1 point2 points ago

I just don't think particle man has enough gravity to enact real change.

[–]Owitb 0 points1 point ago

I don't know if he gets wet or if the water gets him instead, but in light of Sandy, I'd like somebody who'd fare well in an emergency situation.

[–]mehatch 0 points1 point ago

We are all agnostic to the water question, but I, too, hope he is ok and can begin rebuilding his life.

[–]FUNKYDISCO 16 points17 points ago

Who was that first lady? She seemed a bit old for Elmo...

[–]Siarles 37 points38 points ago

Pretty sure that's a portrait of George Washington.

[–]FUNKYDISCO 11 points12 points ago

no, the actual episode has a first lady in it.

[–]Siarles 15 points16 points ago

Oh. My bad.

[–]Bickfordbritt333[S] 13 points14 points ago

They had a first, second, and third lady in the episode. The First Lady was obviously Michelle Obama, but red and in puppet form. The second and third appeared to be Hilary Clinton and Laura Bush.

[–]Killfile 10 points11 points ago

Is that a subtle Romney joke?

[–]Bickfordbritt333[S] 6 points7 points ago

I didn't think about it that way, maybe it is..

[–]prettyraddude 0 points1 point ago

Fucking cougar!

[–]KIRBYTIME 21 points22 points ago

I wonder if they also included the guy that Laura Bush killed.

Because Laura Bush killed a guy.

[–]Severok 5 points6 points ago

Elmo legalised polygamy.

[–]slow56k 8 points9 points ago

Math pedantry: it's actually a pentagonal prism.

[–]fireduck 12 points13 points ago

So is the building. Kinda.

[–]slow56k 8 points9 points ago

Oh sonovabitch. Touché

[–]Wallaclg 55 points56 points ago

ha it is funny because if Romney wins there won't be elmo anymore

[–]xthe0wl 28 points29 points ago

The entire morning PBS lineup seemed to be election related. My boys were watching. Today's episode of Daniel the Tiger was all about voting. And there were little mini-skits with kids going with their dad to vote.

[–]_JustinCase 19 points20 points ago

The best childrens programming is also meant for adults.

[–]coleosis1414 3 points4 points ago

I like that they do that. As a kid, I always looked forward to being able to vote when I grew up because of stuff like this.

Aah, to be young and have a blissfully naive outlook on our political system...

[–]vorter 12 points13 points ago

Actually, PBS can function without federal support.

[–]norris528e 24 points25 points ago

Ha. Next thing you'll tell me is that people who feel so strongly about PBS can give money to it .

[–]atafies 7 points8 points ago

I always assumed it was, I had practically memorized the little 'sponsored by viewers like you' spot when watching the shows growing up.

[–]ljthompson87 19 points20 points ago

I know Romney may kill Big Bird but let's face it: We've had four years of Obama and Oscar still lives in a trash can...

[–]a2intl 3 points4 points ago

I read reddit and I approve this message.

[–]iNNeRKaoS 3 points4 points ago

I read reddit and and read it on reddit. Reddit.

[–]weks 1 point2 points ago

Don't worry, Big Bird is safe now.

[–]fearthejaybie 49 points50 points ago

Elmo as president would be less of a puppet than George W.

[–]SubmergedYak 114 points115 points ago

The bravery.

[–]DaftFred1153 25 points26 points ago

If you think that's brave... about a year ago I was at the memorial service for a day care that had a carbon monoxide leak, over 40 toddlers died. I was wearing my /r/atheism[1] tank-top and some flip flops when all of a sudden some mexican guy named Jesus walked in. Well I wasn't gonna put up with this at a memorial service for little kids, so I went ahead and punched him in the face and then made a rage comic about it.

[–]Jmrwacko 21 points22 points ago

Tried way too hard, but I'll give you an upvote for effort.

[–]mtbr311 3 points4 points ago

The Pentagon sure is saucy lookin

[–]grahampositive 3 points4 points ago

I am staying home with my daughter today. I am watching this episode for the fifth time in a row now.

[–]fireduck 1 point2 points ago

I wish I had new episodes. I just have whatever crustations netflix can get me.

[–]a2intl 0 points1 point ago

Why not Zoidberg?

[–]sprkleyes420 1 point2 points ago

I laughed way too hard at this :-)

[–]buttez 3 points4 points ago

Pentagon is still high as balls from all that smoking he did 11 years ago.

[–]Illumipotty 3 points4 points ago

Looks like Colonel Elmo to me...

[–]fohacidal 2 points3 points ago

President Colonel Elmo

[–]Zeriton 8 points9 points ago

[10] Pentagon

[–]Nipplemelter 19 points20 points ago

More like [5] Pentagon.

[–]ENKC 5 points6 points ago

Ah, my sides.

[–]Owitb 0 points1 point ago

facepalm

[–]lanadelstingrey 7 points8 points ago

More like pENTagon amirite

[–]SelectaRx 3 points4 points ago

Good work gentlemen. Go get yourselves a snack.

[–]TheRaven42 3 points4 points ago

This is hilarious.

[–]stellergirl 2 points3 points ago

Can we please get a video of this?

[–]Sprinte 1 point2 points ago

I laughed at this for much longer than I should have.

[–]redditthrowaway5 0 points1 point ago

I woke up today ready to start watching the news and this same episode was being recorded for my niece! I thought about stopping it but I couldn't stop her from learning!

[–]azraeltheone 1 point2 points ago

Thats actually hilarious

[–]bombproof 1 point2 points ago

Yes, this is a threat to democracy.

Better cut it!

[–]LibertyPatriot7 1 point2 points ago

It's like they made a movie out of Obama's handling of Benghazi.

[–]asimovinoff 1 point2 points ago

Elmo is a colonel?!

[–]Canarka 1 point2 points ago

Why does the pentagon look so stoned?

[–]easyeight 0 points1 point ago

Elmo Zumwalt.

[–]darkevilemu 1 point2 points ago

Where is President Elmo's little flag pin? Clearly he is un-American, a communist, and a traitor.

[–]MysterVaper 0 points1 point ago

Pentagon's apparently get really high.

[–]Aeroshock 0 points1 point ago

Pentagonal prism. Pentagon's his father's name.

[–]dafreeboota -1 points0 points ago

why's the pentagon high and i'm not?

[–]AdmiralPierogi 1 point2 points ago

Aww, look at him in his little suit. Adorable.

[–]UltimateWand 0 points1 point ago

The pentagon is so baked.

[–]fnbusch 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit I laughed so hard!

[–]SkiMonkey98 -1 points0 points ago

Making sure Big Bird is eligible for welfare

[–]rgeguypic 0 points1 point ago

That was so stupid, that I actually LOL out loud.

[–]nebbie13 1 point2 points ago

Colonel Elmo, according to the rank on his jacket.

[–]OmEgah15 1 point2 points ago

I'm picturing Kermit the Frog as Anderson Cooper.

[–]Rakonat 0 points1 point ago

So the President is only a Colonel?

[–]WonkyFox 0 points1 point ago

Best leadership the pentagon has recieved since 1942! TY Elmo.

[–]Chase_75 0 points1 point ago

We need a GIF where president Elmo is sitting in a classroom reading to kids, and Big Bird hands him his cellphone...

[–]TeslaBoyGangsta 0 points1 point ago

Fuck Elmo! Grover/Big Bird 2012!

[–]ImaPrincessDamnit 1 point2 points ago

thats funny and cute

[–]btbcorno 2 points3 points ago

If it's money you want, you should know PBS soon won't have any. What elmo possesses is a very particular set of skills. Skills that make elmo a nightmare for shapes like you.

[–]skytiger859 1 point2 points ago

This happened at school today:

Me: Elmo for president!

Friend: Elmo is just a black guy behind a puppet.

Me: isn't that what Obama is?

Laughter was had by all. She's a democrat, and she still wasn't offended. She's cool.

[–]Asanokyo 0 points1 point ago

Damn. I laughed way too much at this.

[–]donttryathomekids 0 points1 point ago

cyclopentane, really.

[–]rebelliousdino 0 points1 point ago

So cute....I miss my childhood.

[–]EvOllj 0 points1 point ago

Elmo could easily get 5%

[–]Freeulster 0 points1 point ago

Elmo call for healthcare system in where everyone is tickled until they admit they're better.... It'll cost 4.5 trillion dollars and all those who dont say theyre better get quarantined. George Soros tell me it ok!

[–]bctattler-is-angry 0 points1 point ago

The sad thing is the fact that i actually watched this earlier today.

[–]Mecharobo 0 points1 point ago

Stop for a second and imagine what this would be like. Awesome, right?

[–]thewonderfulwiz 0 points1 point ago

This post cured my cancer.

[–]badred16 1 point2 points ago

My son went ape shit crazy when I clicked on this. He looked away from sesame street long enough to scream, "ELMO!" and smack my computer. One of the only words he knows so far....

[–]repostr 0 points1 point ago

The Pentagon is so high

[–]IAMnotARook 0 points1 point ago

Ha ha ha the pentagon that's so funny n clever

[–]technosasquatch 0 points1 point ago

goddamn i love seasme street

[–]HiddenQi 0 points1 point ago

This should be under education or politics xD

[–]Ginodon 0 points1 point ago

then elmo spots a quarter...

[–]kingspaz 1 point2 points ago

Elmo would be a bettet president then the teo dumb-fucks running now, Elmo would give us cookies and teach us things. I like Elmo

[–]psykulor 0 points1 point ago

If President Elmo became a regular segment on Sesame Street, I would probably watch it faithfully.

[–]IamlegendAMA 0 points1 point ago

La-la-la-la la-la-la-la, Elmo's world...

[–]hottmama1989 0 points1 point ago

I have a two year old who watches sesame street everyday. This whole episode was hilarious

[–]Miathermopolis 0 points1 point ago

I. Fucking. Love. Sesame. Street.

[–]PatchDawg 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only be who sat there waiting for it to move?

[–]mitarnowski 0 points1 point ago

why are we talking about this when it is elmo?

[–]sweetie_poopsy_pants 0 points1 point ago

yes, this is pentagon.

[–]artuno 1 point2 points ago

"President" Elmo is wearing a Colonel/Captain insignia on his collar.

[–]mambypambyland -1 points0 points ago

The number today is 16 trillion. Say it with me. Six-teen-TRILLION!

[–]pungkerton 0 points1 point ago

Ah! Ah!

[–]pizooozooo 0 points1 point ago

[–]NattyB 1 point2 points ago

nope, that's the united states military symbol for colonel. picture of symbol on a uniform.

[–]pizooozooo 0 points1 point ago

Gotcha

[–]IAMGodAMA 0 points1 point ago

Or, Captain, if you're in the service that doesn't suck.

/jab

[–]ayures 0 points1 point ago

Get back on your boat. [gay joke goes here]