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top 200 commentsshow all 218

[–]sufur_sufur 372 points373 points ago

I mistook the tail for the penis! I was impressed...

[–]Tony_11 158 points159 points ago

Oh, that was a tail?... Doesn't matter, still impressed

[–]yamehameha 38 points39 points ago

She'll never know...

[–]LogicallyFallacious 15 points16 points ago

Watch this video of a turtle cumming and you will understand why he flipped over

[–]peitsad 20 points21 points ago

i'm trying to not let my curiosity get the best of me here...

[–]sneezlehose 18 points19 points ago

Curiosity got the best of me. Now I can cross "turtle penis" off my list of things I never thought I would ever see.

[–]Fat-Panda 9 points10 points ago

I'm probably wrong but isn't that a tortoise? Aren't turtles the ones with the flatter shells and flippers and spend a large portion of their live in the sea??

[–]bippyz 2 points3 points ago

You are not wrong.

[–]Fat-Panda 1 point2 points ago

Yay! First time for everything :D

[–]Homer69 0 points1 point ago

Don't worry I actually read somewhere that this is actually discharge by the tortoise not and orgasm. They are called Urates.

[–]Un1k1ll 9 points10 points ago

As weird as it sounds, that has to be one of the most interesting things I've watched all day.

[–]redlinezo6 6 points7 points ago

I agree, but at the same time, I feel kind of ashamed.

That lady was WAY too in to it too...

[–]Un1k1ll 5 points6 points ago

I think that I might be too if the turtle that I had raised for years suddenly released a giant suction dick.

[–]Rollondger 7 points8 points ago

Jesus, that dick looks like that dino from Jurassic park!

[–]Photoginak 3 points4 points ago

Was that a penis or a cobra projectile vomiting milk...

[–]moderatelybadass 2 points3 points ago

Well, shit... Turns out, I never really had "the strangest erection." I should have known.

[–]FantasmicMurphy 1 point2 points ago

Wha... what the hell was that cat doing at the end of the video!?

[–]mredditer 2 points3 points ago

You sonofa bitch. You made me watch the whole thing.

[–]mispronounced 0 points1 point ago

I kept hearing the sound of horns as its penis.... Opened and closed, whatever that action was. Anyone else experienced that?

[–]TheLeviathong 1 point2 points ago

I love how normal that sentence seems on here.

[–]WeaponsGradeHumanity 0 points1 point ago

What an exhibitionist.

[–]yamehameha 0 points1 point ago

I officially hate turtles now. Looks like alien and predator have new competition.

[–]Khazok 0 points1 point ago

Well that's enough internet for today mindbleach.org

[–]cTrillz 0 points1 point ago

World Star Hip Hop: Videos of ghetto teenagers fighting and turtles orgasming.

[–]this_is_who_I_am 19 points20 points ago

Actually I believe tortoises have the longest penis for their body size, so you'd be right to be impressed by his wang anyway.

[–]gh0stmach1ne 41 points42 points ago

Its actually barnacles, but those barely count as animals.

[–]this_is_who_I_am 24 points25 points ago

but. but. i read it on a trivia card a long time ago and i've been telling people that ever since and i'm not a liar but now i just feel stupid and like i've been deceived and that i've been deceiving people by accident and what if they said what i said and now they've been unintentionally deceiving people too? WHERE WILL IT END??

D E C E P T I O N

I think we can all agree, though, that Paris is the capital of France? Good, so we're back in agreement.

[–]JacobCurry 14 points15 points ago

D I S G R A C E

[–]MsCynical 21 points22 points ago

EVIL AS PLAIN AS THE SCAR ON HIS FACE

[–]TheWorfEffect 6 points7 points ago

Lovely, that song is now repeating in my head.

[–]Blakdragon39 0 points1 point ago

Lion King 2 was the only good Disney sequel.

[–]theodrixx 1 point2 points ago

I don't know why I'm doing this, but Lion King 2 sucked. Go on, watch it again.

[–]JacobCurry 1 point2 points ago

The first Lion King is my favorite movie. The second movie killed me inside because of how terrible it was in comparison to the first move.

[–]From_The_Year_3000 20 points21 points ago

France is bacon.

[–]iEuphoria 6 points7 points ago

Knowledge is Power.

[–]Francis_Milesaway -1 points0 points ago

Whaaat?

[–]gh0stmach1ne 2 points3 points ago

I feel the same way about ANYTHING i learned in middle school. I've gotten to the point where if I'm about to relay any information from that time period, I consider how stupid it sounds first or add "I could be wrong" at the end.

[–]Mulengro 2 points3 points ago

The Nile is the only river to flow north, Columbus was a good guy, etc etc

[–]charlievirgo 0 points1 point ago

I guess that's who you are...

[–]Buttered_Penis 1 point2 points ago

I feel your pain. I read it in an email. The subject was FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: 100 amazing facts.

[–]this_is_who_I_am 1 point2 points ago

ouch, i just got served by Buttered_Penis

[–]Buttered_Penis 0 points1 point ago

Actually barnacles do fall under the animal kingdom.

[–]gh0stmach1ne 0 points1 point ago

like i get that, but if you were to show a barnacle to a child and ask "is that an animal?" they'd probably tell you no. barely animals.

[–]Buttered_Penis 0 points1 point ago

I get that.

[–]SputnikFace 4 points5 points ago

So, turtles are all dicks? you said it.

[–]noob_goldberg 17 points18 points ago

[–]ryrypizza 4 points5 points ago

Thank you for this.

[–]kchubb 0 points1 point ago

Good wangspan.

[–]picbandit 0 points1 point ago

So did he get back up?

[–]philip-fry 90 points91 points ago

I will give the tortoise a 7.8 for the dismount..

[–]BAM225 32 points33 points ago

7.0 not enough smiling

[–]Lord_NiteShade 19 points20 points ago

Given how difficult the routine was, I'm going with an 8.3

[–]G-Rob 10 points11 points ago

Eh.. Tree fiddy.

[–]Rathwood 6 points7 points ago

Go away, monsta!

[–]Chopperguy 146 points147 points ago

Shell shocked

[–]burrito_brother 17 points18 points ago

Turtle power.

[–]Abandcalledmetallica 2 points3 points ago

I like turtles.

Too lazy for link.

[–]papertygur 4 points5 points ago

[–]Irrelevant_pelican 1 point2 points ago

GO GREEN MACHINE!!

[–]eric-tile 0 points1 point ago

Boobular!

[–]bearwithchainsaw 64 points65 points ago

you know these are tortoises fighting, and not having sex, right?

[–]DubiumGuy 15 points16 points ago

Upvote this to the top please. Tortoises fight by trying to flip one another over. The original video is here for proof.

[–]sprucenoose 3 points4 points ago

It so much funnier with the sounds and context. I appreciate the look of imminent defeat while in mid-air.

[–]sprucenoose 2 points3 points ago

I had to look way too far down in the comments for an actual explanation. This makes much more sense.

[–]imthehacker 0 points1 point ago

Exactly, its very obvious because they are both facing each other. The bottom turtle would have to be facing the other way if they were doing it.

[–]N69sZelda -1 points0 points ago

you have never heard of 69..

[–]energyturtle7 4 points5 points ago

Most of us turtles haven't.

[–]Sure_Ill_Batch_That 27 points28 points ago

Rabbits do the same thing. It's quite hilarious, because it's ridiculously fast and then the male just planks on the side.

[–]DarkXlll 0 points1 point ago

I demand you back up your statement in either .gif or video ASAP!

[–]_DangerDuck_ 23 points24 points ago

"Look, no hands!"

[–]bernando2 16 points17 points ago

he's got a divot in his stomach, the imprint of their love

[–]imthehacker 3 points4 points ago

they are fighting, not loving.

[–]jormugandr 0 points1 point ago

He's just like any other man. He sucks in his gut during sex.

[–]creepy_is_what_I_do 136 points137 points ago

Last time I fucked a turtle, I had the same reaction when I was done. Turtle chicks are some freaky bitches.

[–]kjtomcza 44 points45 points ago

Wow, creepy is what you do!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]MrFuckingObservant 2 points3 points ago

No.

[–]yangar 4 points5 points ago

Them snapping ones, freaky deaky in the tiki my friend.

[–]TheDroopy 0 points1 point ago

From her point of view, you were way too fast.

[–]auritus 22 points23 points ago

I'm sure he took it nice and slow..

[–]ProfessorOfDildonics 17 points18 points ago

Aww, the dream angle. Such skill is rarely found in clumsy mammals.

[–]F1ddlesticks 6 points7 points ago

I hope he didn't chafe his pocket tube

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]party_hat_guy 1 point2 points ago

I'm pretty sure he/she was insinuating humans are the clumsy mammals

[–]ProfessorOfDildonics 1 point2 points ago

I was saying the turtles' skills surpassed people's. -_-

[–]toomanypuns 7 points8 points ago

So the key is to go nice and slow.

[–]Rufi0h[S] 37 points38 points ago

[–]Pit_of_Death 20 points21 points ago

I have now watched turtle porn. Another to cross off my life's to-do list.

[–]wharthog3 1 point2 points ago

What else is left?

[–]DarkXlll 0 points1 point ago

Frontpage.

[–]cory906 12 points13 points ago

Cant... Stop... Laughing

[–]somerandomguy1232 8 points9 points ago

I loved how the female had a look of 'hurry the fuck up and cum.'

[–]Skilol 12 points13 points ago

That screaming...so...humanly.

[–]WestheimerRd 9 points10 points ago

I am so freaked out right now, haha.

[–]Fr4t 6 points7 points ago

Good god. His throat.

[–]kucingminunmilo 1 point2 points ago

Looks like a vajayjay. Oh god.

[–]smashez12 1 point2 points ago

thank you for that.

[–]PunchesSandwiches 0 points1 point ago

the female's reaction -- http://i.imgur.com/u151x.jpg

[–]imthehacker 14 points15 points ago

Am I the only one who saw this on the front page yesterday?

http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/12o4w3/i_believe_i_can_fly_i_believe_i_can_touch_the_ah/

And yesterdays version was larger and higher quality. Something like 25% of the shot has been cropped out of this version so its small and shitty.

I've seen re-posts in less than 24 hours, thats just reddit on a normal day. But that re-post making it to the front page, twice in a row, in less than 24 hours? Really?

Also, am I the only who noticed that the bottom turtle is facing the wrong way. That isn't turtle sex, if anything its a BJ. But I'm like 99% sure they are fighting, they fight by flipping each other over.

[–]N69sZelda 2 points3 points ago

the cropping helped with the "joke" they obviously arent having sex in the original but the cropped version makes that harder to see.

[–]imthehacker 2 points3 points ago

good point, thats prolly why they did it.

[–]ReDocter17 1 point2 points ago

I, too, remember this. You are not alone.

Reddit is falling apart day by day.

[–]Eminiel 6 points7 points ago

As I'm watching this, I have Borderlands 2 running in the background. Right as the turtle falls, the sound of Claptrap falling off the cliff in the menu comes out of my speakers. Wonderful timing.

[–]xayzer 8 points9 points ago

Here is what a turtle penis looks like, if anyone is wondering:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37OP7UrMqUk&feature=player_embedded

[–]Reverend_M 5 points6 points ago

Why oh why did I click that. Stupid brain.

[–]Sabird1 2 points3 points ago

Why don't you go ahead and slap a [NSFL] tag on there.

[–]xayzer 0 points1 point ago

It says "Turtle Penis". I think the [NSFL] is rather implied, don't you agree?

[–]sprucenoose -1 points0 points ago

I am not sure there is a reaction gif appropriate for this occasion.

Also, NSFW, though that might be implied when typing "turtle penis".

[–]imthehacker 0 points1 point ago

What if you work at a turtle fertility clinic?

[–]splein23 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of "Tremors"

[–]UberGnar 2 points3 points ago

If that happened in the wild would he ever get back on his feet?

[–]imthehacker 2 points3 points ago

Im pretty sure they can figure it out

[–]wildo421 2 points3 points ago

DM:HS

[–]drnelson88 0 points1 point ago

Now let's see that in slow motion.

[–]I_STAB_HIPSTER_FILTH 0 points1 point ago

Did I just see a turtle's hog?

[–]Seeders 1 point2 points ago

Post-Coitus Tortoise

[–]chadimposter 0 points1 point ago

the dream angle with his pocket tube

[–]lewi212 1 point2 points ago

vinegar strokes

[–]Posz 0 points1 point ago

Out of all the different way's I expected this video to become a gif. I just didn't expect it like this.

[–]sheeplearepeople 0 points1 point ago

I too, catatonically fall on my back after a good dog.

[–]xplodingboy07 0 points1 point ago

Sponsored by Pangolin.

[–]chipsharp0 1 point2 points ago

Related question...how does the turtle get turned back on its feet there?

[–]EclecticEelVoltage 0 points1 point ago

Turtles even fall in slow motion. Fascinating.

[–]LolerCoaster 0 points1 point ago

Now I see why the turtle shell is concave down below. Designed for mounting. Niiice.

[–]cmw72 0 points1 point ago

I didn't know they were stackable!

[–]zhiryst 1 point2 points ago

He literally Superman'd that ho.

[–]swartz77 0 points1 point ago

Guardians of the fifth element

[–]everythingisarepost 0 points1 point ago

Turtles even fall in slow motion.

[–]bligatoryhendrixperm 0 points1 point ago

still counts

[–]fap_ 0 points1 point ago

+1 for Turtle porn... Not enough of it on the internet.

[–]doublechucklehaha 0 points1 point ago

Damn. Turtles are slow even while falling.

[–]FatDIck9 0 points1 point ago

So if this happened in nature, would this have been a death sentence for that turtle? There's no way he could flip himself again

[–]GrnTiger08 0 points1 point ago

His under shell is concaved from being on her so long!

[–]1__618 0 points1 point ago

[–]Itsmrrda 1 point2 points ago

Today is the day my dad died, I desperately needed this laugh. Thank you

[–]Dormeezy 0 points1 point ago

Slow and Steady Eddie

[–]alfalfa1985 0 points1 point ago

It's not hard.

[–]thebanditredpanda 0 points1 point ago

Supahman dat hooooo

[–]t0mn0mn0m 0 points1 point ago

TIL tortoises have curved underbellies for stackable sex

[–]HashRunner 0 points1 point ago

"Supaman dat hoe"

[–]vVvMaze 0 points1 point ago

am i the only one wondering how hes going to get rightside up again?

[–]nutano 1 point2 points ago

Had this happened in a natural environment, that tortoise would have probably never been able to flip back onto its legs and would have died of starvation.

[–]David_Copperfuck 0 points1 point ago

Worth it.

[–]Christy_Rod 1 point2 points ago

They mate for over 2months

[–]ShoMeUrNoobs 0 points1 point ago

Because I'm at work, all you get is a minor chuckle and an upvote.

[–]ImWastingMyTime 0 points1 point ago

Did anyone else hold their breath until he fell?

[–]tothesource 0 points1 point ago

"I must go my people ne" "No we dont"

[–]DubiumGuy 1 point2 points ago

For fucks sake guys. This isn't the result of tortoise sex but rather the result of a fight. I'm disappointed that only ONE person of out 128 commenter's actually understood what's going on in the gif. Here's the original video for proof if you don't believe me.

[–]Priori_Incantatem 0 points1 point ago

Haha, I loves these two turtles. Visit them at least 3 times a month at the Amsterdam zoo :)

[–]shitsgenius 0 points1 point ago

I DONT WANNA SEE NO TORTOISE DICK GTFO

[–]Chazzey_dude -1 points0 points ago

I saw this live... The top one was spitting and groaning... It was not a moment I care to recall.

[–]imthehacker 1 point2 points ago

If you saw this live, you would know they are fighting, not fucking. The bottom one isn't even facing the right way for them to be fucking. They are facing eachother.

[–]Chazzey_dude 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, I was unclear. I have seen this scenario live, but it wasn't this example.

[–]imthehacker 0 points1 point ago

Oh, I see.

So did you see turtle sex, or a turtle fight?

[–]Chazzey_dude 0 points1 point ago

Pretty sure it was sex. I seem to remember a particular member.

[–]mysaadlife 0 points1 point ago

I laughed, but I feel bad for the turtle. That looked like it hurt. :(

[–]KillerMuffin 0 points1 point ago

For a moment i was sure he'd fly away

[–]CoffeeAddict64 0 points1 point ago

I saw dubstep as he fell.

[–]synuclein 0 points1 point ago

tortoise sex is loud.

[–]njuggapweez 0 points1 point ago

Artis!!

[–]Allen547 1 point2 points ago

TIL that this turtle gets more pussy than i do

[–]Swomp 0 points1 point ago

His face is where I lost it.

[–]PrincessSparklyZam 0 points1 point ago

hahahahahahaha turtle (:

[–]InvaderSkoodge 0 points1 point ago

Having witnessed several giant tortoise orgies I can attest to this gif.

[–]IncomingMeat 0 points1 point ago

this probably isn't safe for work if you're a tortoise

[–]gotogoatmeal 0 points1 point ago

I had no idea turtle dick was so big.

[–]craigsproof 0 points1 point ago

Sent this to an ex I'm still friendly with. She sent back, "You look just like that..."

wtf

[–]theBMXbandit 0 points1 point ago

there was . . . a fire fight. . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[–]Blackfire_Zealot 0 points1 point ago

You know where your dick is, don't you big al?

[–]nickipps 0 points1 point ago

This is the single greatest gif I have ever seen

[–]emperor000 0 points1 point ago

This reminds me of my honeymoon. I spent it in Antigua and the resort had a little pen with two tortoises (red-footed tortoises, I think). Every day we would visit them to see what they were up to, and for the first part of the week this pretty much consisted of them sitting still doing nothing. If they were feeling rowdy they munched some lettuce. When we visited them in the middle of the week they coupled and started mating in front of us, over and over. The male would mount and squeak and grunt with each thrust and then the female would walk a few feet and wait for him to come at her again. Eventually they just stuck together and stayed that way until we decided to go and do something else. When we came back by they were in their stone igloo and we didn't see them for the rest of the week. They just stayed in there until the very last day when one of them was outside munching on lettuce.

[–]turtledong 0 points1 point ago

Yep.

[–]queue78 0 points1 point ago

Dat turtle ... tail

[–]iamtherealomri 0 points1 point ago

Not sure if slow motion or if turtles even fall slowly.

[–]lorealm 0 points1 point ago

This is not the whole video.. it was resized and cut out the tortuous underneath. The tortuous underneath was facing towards the standing tortuous and pushed him over backwards

[–]doctorpatches 0 points1 point ago

I guess you could say he -puts on sunglasses- came out of his shell.

[–]mash_sour 1 point2 points ago

I believe I can fly... weeeeeeeeh... thump

[–]Spoogen_1 0 points1 point ago

I laughed out loud at this. And I don't do that often.

[–]TigerWylde -1 points0 points ago

Is it legal to post the same gift again the next day - if you use a different title? technically it's a new joke right..?

or can I kill OP?

[–]NaughtyDreadz 0 points1 point ago

I was expecting a way smaller penis...

good on you turtle. tortoise?

[–]Mktelly29 -2 points-1 points ago

He looks at the camera as if he was asking for help

[–]cruxix -2 points-1 points ago

I know it was awesome because I was there.

[–]sereneMelody -2 points-1 points ago

A planking turtle. Who'd have thought?

[–]BlueSway 0 points1 point ago

That smile on that turtle

[–]SputnikFace 0 points1 point ago

turtle dick envy is real.

[–]kegman83 0 points1 point ago

I REGRET NOTHING!

[–]mfih1989 0 points1 point ago

I was literally laughing out loud watching the video until I heard how loud he hit the ground.

[–]aza9999 0 points1 point ago

I didn't just internet lol at this, I actually did laugh out loud!

[–]badphish94 0 points1 point ago

"Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" clunk

[–]317237Mariel 0 points1 point ago

I just lost it in the middle of the office. Thank you.