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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]brussels4breakfast 633 points634 points ago

She was probably sound asleep with her eyes open.

[–]mikeybender 223 points224 points ago

Then she might look TOO interested

[–]TessHM 28 points29 points ago

I doubt it, I'm over here.

[–]ermagerdpugs 24 points25 points ago

I was just reading C&H before bed last night and thought of this strip when I read your comment. So glad you linked to it, made my night :)

[–]IsAnyoneHungry 35 points36 points ago

I'm an idiot. Clicked the link, read your comment, thought Cyanide and Happiness and wondered why that was relevant.

[–]MlNDBOMB 103 points104 points ago

Gripping her pillow tight!

[–]jonosvision 64 points65 points ago

Exit liiighhtttttttt

[–]ljdmd 56 points57 points ago

...enter night

[–]FarmerTedd 40 points41 points ago

take my handahhh

[–]IHazMagics 35 points36 points ago

Off to never never laaaaannnnnnnndd-ah!

[–]corymartinez 13 points14 points ago

[–]jaroberts24 49 points50 points ago

Downloading this song from Napster RIGHT NOW!

[–]corymartinez 8 points9 points ago

kaZZa pro !!

[–]better_catchphrase 451 points452 points ago

Condi and I used to go to the same church. I only met her once, when I was 17 years old, right after the church's annual "Youth Sunday." I had just given a ~15 minute speech about my time at the church, and she came up afterwards and told me I did a nice job. It was like shaking hands with a bird of prey. She was perfectly polite, and she's surprisingly small and thin in person, but she just radiates intensity. I'm about 6'4, 225 pounds, and I was thoroughly intimidated.

The worst part was, my altogether too tolerant parents had let me deliver this speech with my hair in cornrows (I'm very white). God I felt like a jackass.

[–]JennyBeckman 225 points226 points ago

Please, pretty please post a picture of you in cornrows giving a speech at church. Or doing anything really. I'm imaging a K-Fed/Malcom X hybrid.

[–]J4B3 61 points62 points ago

[–]frank14752 19 points20 points ago

I was hoping you'd link to this.

[–]A-Ron 54 points55 points ago

I'm picturing Kenny Powers.

[–]parkman 7 points8 points ago

You're fuckin' out Condi!

[–]p4nthers11 56 points57 points ago

why was your hair in cornrows?

[–]Laahrik 120 points121 points ago

I thought everyone had a white friend who thought it would be a good idea to put their hair in cornrows for a month in grade school?

[–]MidgetFetish 110 points111 points ago

Friends don't let friends row corn.

[–]Stylux 25 points26 points ago

Jesus, this is awesome.

[–]PestilentMexican 38 points39 points ago

Dear Stylux,

Thanks for letting me know. This is rather amusing.

Love

Jesus

[–]Russlethud 28 points29 points ago

Question: Why did you have corn rows?

[–]better_catchphrase 9 points10 points ago

Well, I had this big goofy afro going at the time, so there wasn't really a "good" option for a hairstyle appropriate for delivering a speech to 1500 elderly Presbyterians. The church was generally pretty conservative, so I thought it would be funny to get up in front of everybody in my nice suit, and tie, and... cornrows. And it was, right up until the handshakes afterwards. Turns out a bunch of pretty important people go to my church, so I ended up shaking hands with not only Condoleezza, but also Bob Dole and John Glenn. Felt preeeeeetty foolish.

[–]TakeMyLast 6 points7 points ago

You aren't OP, but you must deliver.

[–]Buhrdt 1270 points1271 points ago

She's gonna kill you.

[–]Itbelongsinamuseum[S] 1307 points1308 points ago

When saw her eyeing me, I froze and panicked. My first instinct was to look away and not make anymore eye contact. But then my brain kicked in and said, "No one will ever believe this happened if you don't take a picture this instant."

[–]TumbleDryLow 1061 points1062 points ago

You were right to document this. We'll be sure to report this to the police when she sneaks into your home and ends you.

That's a terrifying death stare. Lord have mercy.

[–]CrippleDrifting 513 points514 points ago

I read that as "sneaks into your home and enters you". I was slightly confused

[–]vestigialusername 542 points543 points ago

The nightman cometh

[–]Ulftar 314 points315 points ago

Gotta pay the troll toll to enter that boy's soul.

[–]FarmerTedd 146 points147 points ago

Sounds like you're saying hole..

[–]The_Blackfish_ 63 points64 points ago

Are you chewing gum?

[–]prying_open_my3rdeye 40 points41 points ago

This is the second goddamn troll toll thread today

[–]Non_Entity 33 points34 points ago

I FUCKING LOVE THE NIGHTMAN

[–]Valcen 37 points38 points ago

Dayman (ah-ah-ah) 
Fighter of the Nightman (ah-ah-ah)

[–]HellsNels 6 points7 points ago

He's a master of karate, and FRIENDSHIP! For every-one!

[–]freddytheteddy22 6 points7 points ago

Champion of the sun! (ah-ah-ah)

[–]da_man_made_of_bread 13 points14 points ago

Only the dayman can defeat the nightman.

[–]xhephaestusx 63 points64 points ago

ahhAAHaahhhhhhhAAH!

[–]BANANAHAMMOCK5 49 points50 points ago

This is the second dayman thread I've seen today.

[–]masterchiefwayne 4 points5 points ago

not enough

[–]AzMoo 23 points24 points ago

Either way it should be reported to police.

[–]alaskaman42 61 points62 points ago

That's one of those death stares where your only reaction is to go into self-defense mode and think about how you would strike first, if you had to

[–]CodyModo 27 points28 points ago

So wish I had a gif of a Sherlock Holmes takedown, but I don't. Would've been an excellent opportunity. If SOMEBODY had one.

[–]runplaysleeprun 85 points86 points ago

[–]CodyModo 13 points14 points ago

That was really fast, I'm impressed.

[–]runplaysleeprun 51 points52 points ago

I wish my girlfriend ended that sentence the same way....

[–]i_am_sad 14 points15 points ago

Impressed you could even get it up this time.

[–]tannersnotreal 10 points11 points ago

You mean, "You were right to document this. Whoever makes it into a meme first will have enough karma to last them a life time"?

[–]Ceejae 77 points78 points ago

Why was she death staring you? Were you not allowed to be taking photos?

[–]habitualLineStepper 193 points194 points ago

He was wearing this

[–]Reddevil313 63 points64 points ago

Do you think she was actually staring at you or where you just in her line of sight? I mean, how many people were seated around you and did you do anything to draw her attention?

[–]Itbelongsinamuseum[S] 211 points212 points ago

I've been known to zone out and stare in to space morosely once in a while. She was probably just doing that. I hope. Just in case, I've locked my windows and barricaded my door :P

[–]depixellated 148 points149 points ago

i think her circuits got jammed

[–]trevor 28 points29 points ago

One of the support techs probably accidentally began a defragmentation the night before. Someone always forgets at some point how long those things take.

[–]rocketsurgery 56 points57 points ago

Flush all the rice you have in the house. You don't want to be around when they start to... hatch...

[–]Buhrdt 103 points104 points ago

The scary thing is that there's more than one photo giving you that death stare.

[–]SolidLikeIraq 102 points103 points ago

[–]IamSparticles 36 points37 points ago

Yep. Gonna have nightmares tonight.

[–]Omega_Borealis 23 points24 points ago

the last one should have the caption, "Soon..."

[–]SimpleGeologist 14 points15 points ago

What the hell did she find so damn fascinating about you? Something must have piqued her interest for her to glare at you like that

[–]NADSAQ_Trader 39 points40 points ago

She saw Cloud Atlas.

[–]maruraba 54 points55 points ago

In a way that is not in accordance with the Geneva convention.

[–]Hotwir3 17 points18 points ago

OP had a booger.

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 11 points12 points ago

You better be moist.

[–]awesomereece123 41 points42 points ago

Nope, she's going to kill me. Look at this. It's a sign.

[–]mitigel 1154 points1155 points ago

[–]alfiekong 540 points541 points ago

HOLY FUCK

[–]ChaosFireV 24 points25 points ago

hold me

[–]mysterygoose 7 points8 points ago

That made me unhappy.

[–]Meloku171 69 points70 points ago

ALL HAIL GLORIOUS UNITINU!!!

[–]Rohaq 424 points425 points ago

UNITINU

[–]Zlibservacratican 148 points149 points ago

You in it in you.

[–]TheRealCalypso 133 points134 points ago

Unit in you.

[–]bstampl1 205 points206 points ago

[–]Specken_zee_Doitch 25 points26 points ago

Ok, I lost it with this one.

[–]Everyone_Loves_Ramen 4 points5 points ago

Obviously photoshopped, he's asian.

[–]ilovegingermen 42 points43 points ago

You knittin', you.

[–]martiniman 25 points26 points ago

!UNITINU!

[–]FISHHHHHHHH 76 points77 points ago

[–]ConnivingToad 28 points29 points ago

In all seriousness, how is that already a thing? There were old-ass posts in that subreddit. Is the Condaleeza picture that says "unitinu" old?

[–]sneakay 17 points18 points ago

Considering she was Secretary of State 4 years ago and this pic is even older than that, of course it's old.

[–]Daemon_of_Mail 9 points10 points ago

It was a meme on 4chan for a while. I almost forgot about it.

[–]LukaCola 49 points50 points ago

I'm more interested in the fellow in the back.

He looks like a cartoon character.

[–]McGravin 69 points70 points ago

That appears to be John Bolton, and yes, he is in fact a cartoon character.

[–]anonymoustroll 17 points18 points ago

He pretty much is a cartoon character.

[–]TheOnlyUsernameLeft3 31 points32 points ago

UNITU

[–]ndchristie 148 points149 points ago

*UNITIИU

[–]joshjje 52 points53 points ago

U|\|ITI|/|U

[–]ovenel 22 points23 points ago

UNITIИU

[–]DancingLobsters96 53 points54 points ago

That is fucking terrifying.

[–]colloquy 36 points37 points ago

It is terrifying. I'm actually a little afraid it might give me nightmares.

Off to /r/funny before I hop in bed.

Edit:Well that didn't work - top story was about Simba's dad getting trampled to death.

[–]slid3r 26 points27 points ago

See now to me, she looks pretty balanced in this picture.

[–]RougeRampage 19 points20 points ago

She has the face of a very scary man

[–]derpbynature 23 points24 points ago

UNITINU

[–]JellyTip 10 points11 points ago

Reminds me of a middle aged Indian guy I know...

[–]Godtiermasturbator 11 points12 points ago

Kneel before Zod.

[–]sigaven 6 points7 points ago

Condoleezza Ratched?

[–]flargoo 320 points321 points ago

Do you happen to look like this guy?

[–]Jazzbone 183 points184 points ago

"My black rose in the white house"

Crazy motherfucker.

[–]Always_Stoned_Guy 31 points32 points ago

And look how he ended up.
Moral of the story - Dont fuck with Condy.

[–]darktemplardude 12 points13 points ago

wat

[–]Jazzbone 62 points63 points ago

Gadhafi was super-obsessed with Condoleeza Rice. Like, love poems and songs obsessed.

[–]onfia 9 points10 points ago

That guy was a true character. Too bad he was an evil dictator who met his demise with a knife in the ass.

[–]ProbablyNotLying 63 points64 points ago

Perhaps, just to fuck with her, someone should show up to every event she attends dressed as him.

[–]BrockN 29 points30 points ago

I would totally voluneer for that but altas, I don't have the skin for it

[–]i_am_sad 7 points8 points ago

Someone should ask Carlos Santana, I'm sure he isn't busy.

[–]onfia 6 points7 points ago

[–]treefiddi 8 points9 points ago

The leather look is so in this winter.

[–]ENKC 15 points16 points ago

Perhaps someone really, really shouldn't.

[–]TreesRNoMakeMeDumb 284 points285 points ago

Did you do something? She is looking directly at you in every picture. Rather creepy.

[–]charlie145 190 points191 points ago

I'm going out on a limb here but I think the OP may have selected just the pictures where she is giving him the stinkeye.

[–]Slug-A-Bed 66 points67 points ago

Still, that's four photos. Four of them. I think she just wanted to bone.

[–]zeroesandones 16 points17 points ago

Condi Rice strikes me as the type of lady who would have a rather large penis. Much Like Margaret Thatcher.

[–]FallenKnightGX 72 points73 points ago

Question is:

Why would she be doing that at all at a rally toward him?

Edit / Addition: Especially where she tilts her head kinda as though she's saying "What the fuck do you think YOU'RE doing?".

[–]FridayNightHoops 89 points90 points ago

I believe that if you have to dumbly stand behind some random guy giving a speech you don't give a fuck about, you tend to think about other things / daydream. When you do this, you don't need visual input as everything happens in your head. Consequence: you randomly stare at someone without your brain processing it.

Or she wants to kill him.

[–]labruja 19 points20 points ago

That's not some random guy, that's Jeb Bush and they were campaigning together.

[–]TessHM 31 points32 points ago

Exactly, some random guy.

[–]clemsonfan1 6 points7 points ago

Why would she be doing that at all at a rally toward him?

She's probably just staring off into space and even though she's "looking" right at OP, she's not "seeing" him.

[–]jessicahatesbobby 45 points46 points ago

Damn, she should really work on her default face...

[–]MilwMonstr 161 points162 points ago

[–]check85 395 points396 points ago

That look is where boners go to die.

[–]agentwilsonx 370 points371 points ago

A "Boneryard", if you will.

[–]sake1243 220 points221 points ago

I won't

[–]CmndrSalamander 153 points154 points ago

Not with that attitude.

[–]KingQajar 40 points41 points ago

Muammar Gaddafi would beg to differ.

[–]check85 14 points15 points ago

Muammar Gaddafi has a dead boner.

[–]kibblenbits 5 points6 points ago

It's one of those women binders romeny was talking about!

[–]bstowers 32 points33 points ago

What did you think was going to happen when you showed up in your "No chicks at Augusta" t-shirt?

[–]kellydean1 319 points320 points ago

You should have thrown a shoe at her.

[–]phoenix0r 258 points259 points ago

Who throws a shoe? Honestly...

[–]murf43143 127 points128 points ago

A guy who goes to jail as a murderous sex offender.

[–]Godtiermasturbator 57 points58 points ago

Holy shit How did I miss this news?

[–]lizardlike 24 points25 points ago

Holy shit, Austin Powers came out 15 years ago.

[–]sampurban 19 points20 points ago

holy shit, it came out 7 years after that guy raped a chick and no one knew.

[–]originalusername2 4 points5 points ago

I knew.

[–]sloaninator 4 points5 points ago

I'm really sorry about the rape.

[–]GrandChawhee 6 points7 points ago

You shut your whore mouth!

[–]Tdhutchi 53 points54 points ago

Ha! I get this!

[–]fujiman 18 points19 points ago

Don't forget about the torture.

[–]GloriousNugs 39 points40 points ago

That's terrifying, I'm so sorry

[–]Deeezzz_Nutzz 47 points48 points ago

oh god. please - /r/photoshopbattles

[–]stlcardinal9 76 points77 points ago

[–]ATRAX0R 207 points208 points ago

I totally expected her to just start staring at me at the end of her clapping.

[–]Mad_Sconnie 17 points18 points ago

God, I would have gotten goosebumps.

[–]Vexillae 16 points17 points ago

Yup, she's all happy, and then snap-- death stare.

[–]MidnightRadio86 34 points35 points ago

Me too.

[–]bl4ckb4dg3r5 20 points21 points ago

'Hercules, Hercules!'

I'm so embarrassed right now. .

[–]pillionaire 108 points109 points ago

Wow, Jeb Bush has been eating well apparently.

[–]heretoforthwith 33 points34 points ago

Yeah, I thought it was Christie at first.

[–]TheLounge 34 points35 points ago

Jeb/Christie 2016? That's be a fat ticket

[–]StratJax 49 points50 points ago

WE'LL GET RID OF THE PORK IN WASHINGTON. THEN EAT IT.

[–]ThunderJRodriguez 23 points24 points ago

The gravy train ends HERE! points to mouth

[–]wellkevi01 401 points402 points ago

Not my best work, but someone had to do it.

[–]GetHandsome 42 points43 points ago

Did they?

[–]Shintasama 56 points57 points ago

Why did I have to scroll 80% of the way down to find this? Slackers!

[–]svsvsvs 49 points50 points ago

No. They really didn't.

[–]kharmakazy 33 points34 points ago

[–]ontheturnpike 173 points174 points ago

i think she's just trying her hardest to be enthusiastic about the romney/ryan rally. this is the best she can do.

[–]jxj24 29 points30 points ago

[–]dylanyo 36 points37 points ago

Really needs one of those zoom in face swaps.

[–]findingchemo 152 points153 points ago

I decided to go a slightly different route.

[–]Day5225 13 points14 points ago

Imagine going to the ballot and seeing her. "Who you voting for?"

"Wrong answer"

[–]TessHM 5 points6 points ago

My soul, it feels so...

cold...

[–]USxMARINE 7 points8 points ago

Broward College?

[–]Cadaverlanche 7 points8 points ago

"Do you think this is a fucking game?!"

[–]Rosco_the_Dude 15 points16 points ago

She thought her death stare would repel cameras.

She thought wrong.

[–]Drunk_Don_Draper 20 points21 points ago

Her eyes can't repel cameras of that magnitude!

[–]Homerpaintbucket 13 points14 points ago

Man she looks pissed. I was never a fan of the Bush admin, but I always thought Condi would have been the nicest of them. But man she looks fucking mean in these pics.

[–]LasCaras 5 points6 points ago

Soon.

[–]Helpful_guy[!] 7 points8 points ago

She looks just like Murderface from Metalocalypse.

http://i.imgur.com/BVKOo.jpg

[–]baconmeupscotty 16 points17 points ago

She looks like grumpy cat!

[–]bonedoc59 5 points6 points ago

Probably shouldn't have worn your clansman hat....just saying

[–]Skrubby 5 points6 points ago

Whoa dude, that freaks me out. Bonus points for admitting to go to a Romney rally on Reddit.

[–]AnnoyinImperialGuard 62 points63 points ago

I can't stop laughing

[–]PippyLongSausage 162 points163 points ago

That's great. I'm really happy for you.

[–]depotman 41 points42 points ago

I'm happy for both of you.

[–]I_smell_awesome 67 points68 points ago

I'm pretty indifferent to the whole thing.

[–]Jake_91_420 48 points49 points ago

I'm actually getting pissed off.

[–]Icyballs 9 points10 points ago

This is an emotional rollercoaster.

[–]slid3r 24 points25 points ago

I can't fap to this! >_<

[–]admiralgringo 28 points29 points ago

Well you aren't trying hard enough.

[–]dizzuz 7 points8 points ago

I can ;)

[–]FalconOne 4 points5 points ago

Thats not her death stare, thats her stare of seduction.

Its just been a while for her, thats all.

[–]FF4221 7 points8 points ago

A template.

for shit like this.

*Oh shit, I meant to use this for the middle image.to high for this.

[–]mikeyb89 8 points9 points ago

Maybe she didn't appreciate that you were holding a teddy bear over the camera and speaking to her in a baby voice

[–]fitzlurker 21 points22 points ago

Just me, or does she have 5 o'clock shadow?

[–]raffytraffy 74 points75 points ago

She's black.

[–]ampeed 68 points69 points ago