This is me

Danzerello · 2012-11-05T21:41:40+00:00

I used to work the morning shift at McDonald's and had a couple elderly regulars who would come alone every morning. I always made it my duty to run out and fill up their coffee and give them a free paper or conversation or some shit like that.

TheNarwhalingBacon · 2012-11-06T00:23:20+00:00

Maybe he's just chillin.

pseudotoast · 2012-11-06T00:32:43+00:00

When I was 17, I was out with my boyfriend at the time and we stopped to eat at a McDonald's. While we were eating, we saw an old man eating by himself. He looked like he was in his late 90s and didn't look like he'd be around much longer. How he managed himself out to McDonald's, I'll never know.

Anyway, he was walking by our table to get some condiments and my bf asked him if he wanted to eat with us. He said "sure", and immediately sat down next to me, abandoning his food and whatever else he had with him. So, my bf starts talking to him, asking about his day and what he used to do for a living and whatnot. We really can't understand what he's saying. He's so old and soft-spoken, but we continued talking to him.

After about 5 minutes, he leans over, completely unexpectedly, and kisses me. On the neck. It wasn't a peck either. It was a slobbery 3-second-long kiss.

I was practically paralyzed with confusion. I didn't know what to do, and neither did my bf. This man is decrepit and has his days numbered. Neither of us were comfortable telling him to fuck off, so we sorta brushed off the fact that my neck had just been molested by the cryptkeeper and continued having a conversation with him. After a while we were both so uncomfortable with what had happened, we started pulling the "Oh my! We had no idea it was so late! Better go!" excuse so that I could go home and bathed myself in scalding water.

Before the man gets up to leave, he leans over and kisses my neck again. This time I pulled away and cut his "moment" short. We got out as fast as we could. Sexy time with my bf was uncomfortable for a few days after that.

And that's the last time I wanted to hug a lonely old man in a restaurant.

*Edited for spelling.

NotSoFancyPants · 2012-11-05T19:17:21+00:00

Don't you just want to eat him up? I bet he tastes like homemade cookies and candy they don't make anymore.

Spiro_Agnew · 2012-11-06T01:43:47+00:00

Old man who eats alone here. If you're not willing to suck my dick, don't patronize me.

procrastablasta · 2012-11-05T23:17:23+00:00

You might be female. If so, you might not understand that being able to eat alone, unmolested, is one of the great perks of being a man.

Ididerus · 2012-11-06T01:44:46+00:00

I need to hurry up and get old. No one seems to notice when I eat alone...

carouselderby · 2012-11-06T03:32:08+00:00

Does no one else find it condescending to call old people "cute?"

thenamesbootsy · 2012-11-06T03:39:42+00:00

I remember one time I was eating dinner at Olive Garden with my family and I looked across the room at a supremely large woman just fucking stuffing her face. I felt really really bad for her all night until I saw her get up and saw she was with a man the whole time who turned out to be blocked from my sight.

EminGH · 2012-11-06T00:39:51+00:00

http://pbs.twimg.com/media/A0r21I6CQAA2Dog.jpg:large

Like that?

Bloviously · 2012-11-06T01:12:22+00:00

Old people are the shit. They give zero fucks all day, every day. Straight fucking thugs in the retirement home.

FlyingFatmanLauncher · 2012-11-06T02:08:17+00:00

Seriously, am I the only one that thinks just because someone is old and eating alone, it doesn't necessarily mean that their lonely? I've eaten loads of times on my own and felt fine. Not sure why getting older will change that, unless I become bad at making new friends.

captainisrael · 2012-11-06T03:13:11+00:00

Uhh nice but where's the funny at exactly?

asimovfan1 · 2012-11-05T19:10:49+00:00

Not a lot of context here. It's hard for me to understand what point you are trying to make.

Do you like to stare awkwardly at old people who eat alone?

GabbiKat · 2012-11-06T01:21:20+00:00

I've helped old men and women with putting groceries in cars before. And once thanked a WWII Vet for serving and it made my GF at the time cry on the way home.

migzors · 2012-11-06T01:40:13+00:00

There's been more than one instance where I wanted to reach out and talk to someone who was elderly and alone. I vividly remember there being an older asian man at Subway eating by himself, I nearly talked myself into asking him if he wanted to join me for lunch, but I couldn't make that connection. Not sure what it is, I just hate to see people alone I suppose.

twoob · 2012-11-05T21:45:51+00:00

I do the same thing and always ask them if they would like to join me, heard many good stories this way. Used to drive my fiancé crazy, but he's accepted it now.

WIDE_OPEN_BEAVERS · 2012-11-06T02:18:32+00:00

I like eating alone.

paranormal_shouting · 2012-11-05T22:41:45+00:00

that old man looks A LOT like Kurt Vonnegut

thelummx · 2012-11-05T23:15:55+00:00

Happened to me while on a date, just about invited the old guy to sit with us

elmarko44 · 2012-11-06T03:13:51+00:00

point?

TreesToMeetYou · 2012-11-06T00:10:41+00:00

I work in a resturaunt and there's this old lady that come in and eats alone every single day. Makes my heart melt.

AvousMC · 2012-11-06T01:54:05+00:00

You are not a stick man.

Blzbba · 2012-11-06T02:01:45+00:00

what's funny about this?

matthewbowers88 · 2012-11-06T02:03:20+00:00

Awesome, upvotes all round. Put your money away this ones on me.

dextromaxhbr · 2012-11-06T02:22:07+00:00

My ex gf.

busybusy · 2012-11-06T02:23:51+00:00

I love old people! They're just so cute.

RzK · 2012-11-06T02:25:14+00:00

Im sure if you ask any married man/old man, they would tell you being alone from an annoying wife is the greatest thing

rooshkers · 2012-11-06T02:29:47+00:00

And this is ALWAYS my boyfriends face...

mltinney · 2012-11-06T02:45:18+00:00

I'm a regular at a coffee shop. Everyday this past summer, I would see this old man reading alone with his '80's bike helmet strapped to his side. I teared up the first time I saw him. After about a month, I saw him one day with this lady that was at least 30 years younger than him. Turns out he's not actually alone, and he has a smokin' hot wife. I don't know which story I liked better.

Dangerus9 · 2012-11-06T03:37:14+00:00

I used to try and get someone to join me and even buy their meal...no takers and expect to be this if I live long enough that is.

Vanoooo · 2012-11-06T03:47:18+00:00

Laughed for a good minute, as I am guilty.

jacksclevername · 2012-11-06T03:58:13+00:00

Maybe he's an asshole.

decenthumanbeing · 2012-11-06T04:02:09+00:00

And me.

impossibru65 · 2012-11-06T04:05:44+00:00

I was actually at McDonald's today, and my friend was looking at pictures of people on Facebook, going "she's hawt" and what-not. I have been raised by my parents to be respectful to and around my elders, so I kind of cringed when the 80 something YO guy next to us sat down as my friend said: "dude, she's got a fucking tight ass."

cedds · 2012-11-06T04:15:16+00:00

Cute old people eating by themselves always makes me cry. Never fails.

TangerineNinja · 2012-11-06T04:24:52+00:00

Soo, you have one boob and one arm?

icehole800 · 2012-11-06T04:25:46+00:00

My sister is the exact same way. I never fully understood it but then again Im a guy.

backgroundmusik · 2012-11-06T04:37:34+00:00

When I worked the late night shift at Waffle House this man would come in every night around 2:30. He had the most awesome stories: like getting kicked out of the Army because some nudes he painted were published in a french magazine, and having to brush his teeth with a stick as a kid because his family was really backwoods.

Bix

anxiouswreck · 2012-11-06T04:48:04+00:00

my mom and I saw an older man eating alone on thanksgiving. We can both relate to this post, as we're both complete pansy's when we see someone eating alone. My mom makes this entire backstory as to why he's at this fancy steakhouse alone on thanksgiving. She goes in to length about how his wife passed away and how it used to be their favorite place to eat. So we're both sitting at our table- eyes watering. Not 10minutes later, an older woman walks up to his table, kisses him and orders her dinner.

thirtythree_fiftytwo · 2012-11-06T04:55:56+00:00

ME TOO! I've been like this since I was a kid. Your photo (especially the eyes) looks just like me, lol.

shythecute1 · 2012-11-06T04:57:00+00:00

Old guys aren't cute. Old people freak me out. They always smell and they're usually rude.

lalondtm · 2012-11-06T04:57:52+00:00

maybe he just likes to eat in peace? I go out to eat all the time when my wife is at work, its nice to get some alone time

xkittybunnyx · 2012-11-06T05:09:57+00:00

When my grandparents were my age they had to flee their country due to a corrupt government. And my grandmas parents were forced to kill themselves :/... how sad of a story.

tjah · 2012-11-06T05:23:27+00:00

Even worse is when they come for heart surgery and have no one to walk next to their stretcher up to the operating room doors the feels

CopJonesStickitup · 2012-11-06T05:41:58+00:00

This is strangely touching, I guess.

Killertofoos · 2012-11-06T05:54:52+00:00

The elderly are nice in small doses. I cook professionally, and cooking for them can be a nightmare. Don't be fooled.....

a-curious · 2012-11-06T01:36:41+00:00

This post has made me unsubscribe from /r/funny. This is fucking terrible.

EliaTheGiraffe · 2012-11-06T01:25:16+00:00

I know /u/RoadToSerfdom was downvoted for saying something similar, but I agree with them--to some extent. I tend to see old people as alien, odd, and unapproachable. This is probably because I pretty much grew up without grandparents almost every elderly person I've known has been unpleasant and shrewd.

Bad_Kylar · 2012-11-06T02:17:14+00:00

As the guy who has worked in retail and fast food/cashier, I am always struck with sympathy for the elderly that work well past what they should be. I went grocery shopping and the sweetest old lady named Barbera at the cash register. It broke my heart to see someone as old as my great-grandmother working when she obviously was supposed to be retired. I put on my biggest smile and told her to have a wonderful day.

RoadToSerfdom · 2012-11-05T23:52:11+00:00

I didn't think cute and old went together - especially describing an old man. Aren't old men nothing but disgusting?

funny

Results of the facebook poll

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

MODERATORS

funny

Results of the facebook poll

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

MODERATORS

you'll need to login or register to do that

create a new account

login