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top 200 commentsshow all 249

[–]Sunk 649 points650 points ago

I can understand why the hedgehog feels such animosity toward an inanimate object. Poor little guy just wants to be loved but his prickly exterior denies him the physical affection he craves. The couch represents everything he wishes he could be, soft and comforting and thus becomes an outlet for his frustrations.

[–]ani625 256 points257 points ago

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

[–]suprastang 166 points167 points ago

The Psychology of Hedgehogs By Sunk

[–]Mr_A 102 points103 points ago

I loved that pop-rock album from the '90's

[–]rugratsallthrowedup 26 points27 points ago

Spot on

[–]dyslexicnamerater 12 points13 points ago

10/6

[–]Nictionary 22 points23 points ago

I thought your name said Dyslexic Numerator, but then I realised it didn't and your comment was less funny. But then I realised that since you're dyslexic maybe it was supposed to, but you spelled it wrong, which made it more funny. Then I got tired of thinking about your comment and moved on.

[–]MeowNeko -1 points0 points ago

More like prog rock.

[–]Quintuss 23 points24 points ago

Freud was onto something with the Hedgehog's Dilema.

The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs all seek to become close to one another in order to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp quills. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons they cannot avoid.

The poor little fellas.

[–]grizzlayleslay 46 points47 points ago

Actually he probably likes the smell of the couch and is trying to chew it so he can anoint himself, which involves making spit and throwing the spit on his back by using his tongue.

/owns a hedgehog

/sees these things

/seen some things

[–]Hipashia 11 points12 points ago

That's adorable, and weird.

[–]Talran 13 points14 points ago

They do it with strong citrus fruit too, shit is lols.

[–]shwiggy 7 points8 points ago

Yeah it's pretty funny, my little guy did it with a carrot that he was eating and it turned him orange for a couple of days.

[–]flownmuse 3 points4 points ago

When I saw the pic I figured that was what the hedgehog was trying to do. My female would go crazy over certain types of fabric, and nibble it with the foamy drool at the sides of her mouth! I never got to see her annointing her back, though. :(

[–]internet_sage 1 point2 points ago

My girlfriend's hedgie loves cilantro, tomatoes, and bell peppers. She occasionally looks like she's dressed up for christmas. Red and green streaks all over her. I always do a bit of a double take when I peek in her cage and find that she's got colorful spots and smears.

[–]laddergoat89 57 points58 points ago

My friend just got a pet hedgehog, they are awesome to stroke and cuddle. Just don't go against the 'grain'.

[–]chargerz4life 20 points21 points ago

Yes because thy will bite you if you do!

[–]RockinTheKevbot 24 points25 points ago

hedgehogs rarely bite out of aggression. their defense is their quills so they ball up.

[–]laura117 20 points21 points ago

My little guy rarely balls up and has only bitten a couple times out of aggression. If you impede his burrowing too long he may bite and he's also bitten once when he had something stuck in the fur on his face and I was taking it off. If he bites it's usually to see if you are food lol

[–]a_park_bench 29 points30 points ago

Mine has dried semen on his cheek.

NOTE: the semen is his, not mine.

[–]smotherTheresaa[!] 9 points10 points ago

mine is always licking his dick.

[–]Rockerchick15 8 points9 points ago

Wouldn't you if you could reach it?

[–]smotherTheresaa[!] 3 points4 points ago

of course. It looks like a belly button, but when that little sucker comes out it's like WHOA

[–]a_park_bench 4 points5 points ago

Every time I see it I think of "red rocket, red rocket" from South Park.

[–]sithforeverjedinever 3 points4 points ago

No.

[–]aprofondir 1 point2 points ago

Because he can.

[–]MorningToast 13 points14 points ago

Thank you for clearing that up (Reddit animal abuse crew, stand down)

[–]laddergoat89 3 points4 points ago

You sure it's not from when they spit up food that they like on themselves? (self annointing)

[–]a_park_bench 10 points11 points ago

Yes, I'm sure, because he's had his own semen stuck in his fur before. He likes to start humping while I'm holding him, which is great that he feels that comfortable with me, but disgusting otherwise.

[–]FriendlyBeard 6 points7 points ago

This seems most likely. Freaked me the fuck out the first time I found my hedgie foaming at the mouth.

[–]laddergoat89 1 point2 points ago

...i want a Hedgehog.

[–]FriendlyBeard 3 points4 points ago

They are pretty rad. Layla is still one of the coolest pets I've ever owned. They do each come with their own personality, and sometimes you'll bring home one like mine. She was the most delightful little curmudgeon.

They are nocturnal and if you keep their enclosure in your room make sure you have the most silent running wheel ever. Layla would go on nightly jaunts around the world from about 2am until 5am or so.

They are adorable though.

[–]Ragenori 9 points10 points ago

I've never heard of a pet hedgehog before. How hard do they bite? Do they have fleas like wild hedgehogs?

[–]laura117 10 points11 points ago

It more startles you than hurts you. The only time he hurt me from a bite was the time he had something dried to his fur and I picked it off. I really should have soaked it first but I wasn't thinking so it must have hurt him. Their teeth are super short so it would be damn near impossible for them to break the skin. As for fleas, I'm sure they could get fleas because they have fur but if they don't have fleas when you buy them and you don't have any outdoor pets it would be hard for them to get fleas. On a somewhat related note, about 1/4 of hedgehogs carry salmonella (doesn't hurt them at all but can get us sick) so ALWAYS wash your hands after handling a hedgehog.

[–]daveshow07 5 points6 points ago

it would be damn near impossible for them to break the skin.

My hedgehog has drawn blood from biting me before. He doesn't like having his nails trimmed and he bit me while I was trying to trim them. I've also been chomped on multiple occasions when he misinterpreted my sweaty hands as delicious food.

[–]LemonFrosted 3 points4 points ago

More than once I've pulled my hand back from a hedgie bite only to have a hedgie hanging from my finger. I've got soft hands, so they've drawn blood. Their teeth are short, but they're also sharp, so it's kinda like a pin prick.

Not that it's much to worry about: they can do about as much damage as you'd expect from an animal the size of an orange.

[–]FHatzor 2 points3 points ago

I had a pet hedgehog long ago.

As the poster below me said, they don't bite too hard - it's more scary than painful. Keep in mind, though - these little fuckers are insectivores - when they bite it can be very difficult to get them to let go (without flinging them across the house.)

[–]internet_sage 1 point2 points ago

They also headbutt with their brow quills straight up sometimes. My girlfriend's hedgie is an angry little thing, and after she balls up, she hisses and thrashes to spike whatever is bothering her. She'll half-ball, and headbang to try to get stuff away from her.

The only time she bites in anger is when she's mad about her nails being trimmed. Then some big monster has ahold of her leg, and is preventing her from balling up.

[–]laddergoat89 9 points10 points ago

I stroked against the grain once to see how it felt and he was fine with it.

[–]WhipIash 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, he.

[–]iUsedtoHadHerpes 2 points3 points ago

My female companion expressed a similar sentiment.

[–]Xlider 2 points3 points ago

never mind any of the quills

[–]Sea-Salt 9 points10 points ago

Hedgehog's Dilemma.

[–]phongbong 1 point2 points ago

He's just miss understood, everyone is just jealous cause hedgehogs ARE THE FASTEST THINGS ALIIIIVVVEEE!!

Edit:Spelling.

[–]Sonick06 2 points3 points ago

Hedgehog here, I can confirm we are the fastest things alive

[–]phongbong 5 points6 points ago

So fast that, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME FOR PERIODS!!!!!

[–]peachfuzztesties -1 points0 points ago

Cool

[–]pacfan40 1 point2 points ago

That brought a tear to my eye...

[–]xymurr 78 points79 points ago

Darknesses!

[–]fatbabythompkins 23 points24 points ago

What'd the five fingas say-to-the-face?

[–]chingyduster 19 points20 points ago

SLAP!!

[–]yangar 7 points8 points ago

Cold bloooooded

[–]blueribbonspy 7 points8 points ago

Unity!!

[–]Keplers_Time_Machine 4 points5 points ago

This was long before Wesley Snipes! Back then, we was the blackest hedgehogs on the planet according to Rick James.

[–]stroud 8 points9 points ago

Midnight! Black Magick!!!!

[–]Oed0 17 points18 points ago

twin darknesses, they should have never gave you niggas money!

[–]shankems2000 1 point2 points ago

he looks more like Ashy Larry to me.

[–]tls_unluckyXIII 47 points48 points ago

Buy a new one you rich motha fucka!

[–]pwnstar 5 points6 points ago

he cant be rich, stil has a big ass CRT monitor

[–]IrishHenshin 105 points106 points ago

They should have never given you hedgehogs money!

[–]lbmouse 31 points32 points ago

You don't know how to appreciate shit!... you can get another couch. What am I gonna do about my legs Eddie Murphy?

[–]elitenls 19 points20 points ago

Bitch, show Charlie Murphy your titties!

[–]beefwich 7 points8 points ago

The milk's gone bad!

[–]sp00kyd00m 1 point2 points ago

i was gonna go with "they shoulda never gave you 'chidnas money!"

[–]_atomlib_ 96 points97 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Fuck yo couch 87coms 1197pts 7mos funny
Fuck Yo' Couch! 137coms 1334pts 9mos pics
Nom Noms 6coms 11pts 6mos aww

source: karmadecay

[–]Ihad2saythat 19 points20 points ago

Or more info can be obtained here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog

[–]ani625 49 points50 points ago

Oh sheesh, the same title even.

[–]canitasteyourjuice 27 points28 points ago

Fuk yo repost!

[–]Jmrwacko 1 point2 points ago

Repost for all the karmas!!

[–]readitINreddit 4 points5 points ago

Aaaahhhh, thanks. Now I can move on.

[–]WalrusInATree 0 points1 point ago

What have I birth'd. Oh god.

[–]zoltanps 9 points10 points ago

Such anger, such raw power, a true predator at work! Here we see the hedgehog battle his mortal enemy, the living room couch (Couchis Majoris). Damn nature, you scary!

[–]skiggitybombop 26 points27 points ago

i feel like everyone has hedgehogs these days

[–]shogun95 16 points17 points ago

Everyone just reposts the same pictures of hedgehogs. Over and over again

[–]ani625 24 points25 points ago

Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger.

[–]FaceEmbrace 17 points18 points ago

Mushroom Mushroom

[–]teamspike 13 points14 points ago

A SNAAAAAKE

[–]munchies1122 3 points4 points ago

OH WRETCHED SNAKE!!

[–]elitenls 0 points1 point ago

[–]rabidcorgi 2 points3 points ago

That's not relevant, that's the joke.

[–]elitenls 3 points4 points ago

I would say then, that it is indeed relevant.

[–]the_peach_pit 11 points12 points ago

After having hedgehogs for years and years, I upgraded to guinea pigs recently and am much happier. The hedgies are massive poop machines, hard to socialize, and temperamental to temperatures and 'accidentally' hibernating. Soaking cement-dried shit off of their wheels each morning was not pleasant, but had to be done every day or they'd wear their paws raw & bloody running each night. They are finicky pets. I didn't like having living worms in my fridge, but it was cute to watch them eat. They would froth their venomous spit on their quills and made me very itchy after holding them. Vet care for them is expensive, as well as hard to find. I lost one hedgehog to cancer, one to wobbly hedgehog syndrome, and one to a broken leg.

[–]thattaboychuk 12 points13 points ago

As a man who is about to get his first hedgehog, this does not make me think I'm making the right decision.

[–]laura117 8 points9 points ago

Go to /r/hedgehog and look at some of the resources listed. The sites listed there can give you a good idea of what to expect. It is also super important to meet your hedgie before you buy it because they have big personalities that cannot be trained away. If the hedgie baby is too shy or a little asshole don't get it (unless it's the personality you want it to have forever). Hedgehogs can be hard work but I think they are worth it. Also, you should look into vets before you get one. Few places take hedgehogs. The price of vet visits though isn't much more than a regular vet (at least not where I go), but any vet visit can be expensive.

[–]thattaboychuk 1 point2 points ago

I went and picked one out yesterday and the little guy unrolled immediately and was super friendly. I didn't get him yet but I'll look for a vet before I do anything. Thank you!

[–]RockinTheKevbot 11 points12 points ago

As a hedgehog owner. Its not as bad as has been described above.

[–]the_peach_pit 10 points11 points ago

They are temporary pets for most unprepared owners. Several of my hedgies were rescues by people who took them on not realizing the amount of care they may need. I'd rather people be prepared for them then think they are an exceptionally easy pet to own. All of what I said is true.

[–]raven12456 0 points1 point ago

I had a hedgehog that came from an unprepared home. Sadly they kept him for quite a while so he was extremely difficult to work with. We tried to get him to warm up to us for a while and he would let my wife hold him occasionally but that was about it. He was afraid of people and was scared out of his little mind most the time. We ended up giving him to a "rescue" who could hopefully take care of him better. (Basically a crazy hedgehog lady who knew her stuff and took them in. I mean, she had a hedgehog sweatshirt!)

[–]grizzlayleslay 9 points10 points ago

Hedgehog owner here as well, totally agree. Daily maintenance is no big deal. Cleaning a hedgehog's wheel happens once a day.

You don't see people complaining about taking a dog out multiple times a day to shit in the yard, and seeing that as a deterrent to owning a dog.

If you can't handle caring for an animal once a day, and would rather have a shelf piece to stare at, a hamster or a fish tank will do you fine.

[–]Jmrwacko 4 points5 points ago

Problem is, dogs are much cuter and have more of a personality, plus you don't have to keep them in a cage.

[–]Talran 7 points8 points ago

You're underestimating the amount of personality lil' spike balls can have.

Hell, I have toads with more personality than some dogs. Toads.

[–]beefwich 1 point2 points ago

Toads?

[–]Talran 2 points3 points ago

Like this

I can actually get a shot of mine later if you want.

[–]PoeticalArt 4 points5 points ago

Check out rats!

[–]thattaboychuk 0 points1 point ago

I don't mind rats but I wouldn't want one as a pet.

[–]PoeticalArt 0 points1 point ago

They're amazing. I have six and they're all kind of small dogs. They're lovable, always happy and excited... I love them.

[–]Mustelover 1 point2 points ago

Seriously rats are awesome. Unlike hedgehogs(I think hedgehogs are cool and all, but I wouldn't think they make very good pets, as they are still kind of wild animals) rats are very friendly towards humans, they actually crave human attention, so no running under the couch(though as I can see from one of the comments hedgehogs aren't supposed to be under the couch) or away from you. Also if you get one with a personality you don't like(they have huge personalities, but finding an unfriendly one is still very unlikely) it is very easy to train them to be friendly, it is very easy to train them to do anything, even shake, I don't know if you can train hedgegogs. They also have strong bladders, they can even be litter-box trained.

I am not trying to deter you from getting a hedgehog, as long as you do your work I am sure they can be wonderful pets! I am just saying to anyone who wants a very friendly small pet, that you don't have to work with to make it tame and loving, rats are the way to go!

[–]the_peach_pit 2 points3 points ago

They are not low maintenance animals. But as long as you're able to do the daily care they require, they're not extraordinary difficult to own. Find a vet now, because chances are high you'll need them at some point.

[–]starlinguk 4 points5 points ago

Hedgehogs aren't pets.

[–]shwiggy 1 point2 points ago

When I let my little guy out for his daily run he'd fly around my room while I watched tv. If he was hungry he would run to me for mealworm snacks. Here he is checking his corners if you need some convincing.

[–]Jinxy_Minx 9 points10 points ago

What is wobbly hedgehog syndrome?

[–]scuzzytoast 9 points10 points ago

[–]steviesteveo12 3 points4 points ago

This is what gif was invented for

[–]scuzzytoast 0 points1 point ago

It will never again be quite as relevant as it is in this moment.

[–]steviesteveo12 4 points5 points ago

It sounds like something from a Terry Pratchett book

[–]Ozlin 3 points4 points ago

Sounds timey wimey.

[–]the_peach_pit 3 points4 points ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPkp5Smi9mQ

It's quite sad to watch. They lose motor control basically. Fall all over the place and eventually their legs go lame and they have to be put down. The sweetest hedgie I ever had I lost within a year to WHS :(

[–]beefwich 4 points5 points ago

Welp.. that's a fairly adorable name for an absolutely dreadful disease.

[–]borednow1 2 points3 points ago

Eugh, that's heartbreaking. I'm sorry.

[–]njensen 5 points6 points ago

Wobbly hedgehog syndrome... I'm sorry, that just sounds hilarious.

[–]DiscordantDrone 2 points3 points ago

On the upside, you had hedgehogs.. WITH WHEELS!

[–]From_The_Year_3000 2 points3 points ago

I've had my hedgie for almost 2 years and the wheel only needs washed every few weeks. Even then I just let it soak in the bath with boiling water.

[–]yellow_submarine 4 points5 points ago

As the owner of a hedgehog, they love to cuddle. And as long as they aren't threatened, their quills don't hurt at all. They're quite easy to cuddle.

[–]Montros 0 points1 point ago

Jesus, look at the size of that monitor. What is this, the 2000s!?

[–]LobotomyTH 5 points6 points ago

Actually, yes. This picture is an older than dirt meme called "Hungry Hog says: EAT EAT EAT".

[–]guywithalamename 0 points1 point ago

Insanity Eagle

[–]carsismeZ06 -1 points0 points ago

Rating: 8/10

Notes: Lack of word: "nigga"

[–]WolfGang329 1 point2 points ago

FUCK. YO. COUCH. NIGGA!

[–]zp3wpd 4 points5 points ago

More like "eat yo couch."

[–]SleepCycles -1 points0 points ago

The taxidermist is a very skilled individual.

[–]newfie_boy 1 point2 points ago

That's kinda creepy lookin

[–]readitINreddit 0 points1 point ago

Kinda looks like his teeth are stuck. Umm he actually might need some help.

[–]Trolololivia -1 points0 points ago

Why is his belly not visible? I don't understand.

[–]TheMacallan18 0 points1 point ago

He let the fame get to his head the first time he was featured on the front page. His life slowly went into a downward spiral when he became hooked on heroin. No matter what anyone did, there always seemed to be a needle close by. The featured photo is the first time he tried bath salts.

RIP Mr. Hedgefund.

[–]fuckyourcouchplease -1 points0 points ago

......please.

[–]ThePencilMan 2 points3 points ago

He needs to stop hogging the couch.

[–]Bacoono -1 points0 points ago

Nice computer :3

[–]mattwilliams06 -1 points0 points ago

This couch smells like Dr. Robotnik.

[–]I_am_number_one -1 points0 points ago

I like to imagine that this was going through that hedgehog's head. It would be a shame to break his legs over a misunderstanding but someone's gotta check him

[–]fullofbones 0 points1 point ago

There's a very big difference between "Fuck you, couch!" and "Fuck yo couch."

[–]scPolecat -1 points0 points ago

[–]PimpinPOPTARTZ 1 point2 points ago

Gotta go fast

[–]john_sword 0 points1 point ago

This couch offends me.

[–]Nenik 1 point2 points ago

"Nigga, fuck yo' toe!"

[–]jackieohface 0 points1 point ago

Hedgehogs are strange people.

[–]boobluver 0 points1 point ago

Fuck yeah fuck yo couch

[–]notagain12 0 points1 point ago

That hedgehog looks like he is planning to shred the couch into pieces.

[–]f_yo_couch 0 points1 point ago

I got a SHOW tonight!!!

[–]CaptainWorf 1 point2 points ago

He smells something interesting. Hedgehogs first lick something, then try to gnaw at it, then work up a foam and spread it over their backs. If a hedgehog ever licks you, there's a good chance you're going to get bit by some surprisingly powerful jaws.

[–]untouchable_face -1 points0 points ago

I legit LOL'ed

[–]KKKFC 1 point2 points ago

im getting a hedgehog soon, and this makes me very happy

[–]s00p3r -1 points0 points ago

Holy moly. He looks unhappy. Are they carnivores? I'd never really thought about it.

[–]idecimatebabies69 -1 points0 points ago

Modern war nigro!

[–]Arknell -1 points0 points ago

"I've been kicked out of better houses than this, human!"

[–]turdfurgeson57 -1 points0 points ago

Wild hog

[–]obliviously_evident 1 point2 points ago

Take one more step and I am kicking this Niggah through the window!!

[–]b_deam 0 points1 point ago

I had one of these guys as a pet when i was younger. Fun pets but if you think stepping on a lego is bad, try stepping on a needle from one of these guys.

[–]Yourmyfavoritedeputy 0 points1 point ago

Danny?

[–]ItCanAlwaysGetWorse 1 point2 points ago

[–]eddymurphyscouch 0 points1 point ago

I've taken worst abuse.

[–]Airazz 0 points1 point ago

[–]KimJongCool 0 points1 point ago

Cocaine is a helluva drug

[–]MilhausMN 0 points1 point ago

TIL that I don't want a hedgehog in my house.

[–]AndyWorkHard 0 points1 point ago

they shoulda never gave you hedgehogs money

[–]CatMode 0 points1 point ago

I have a hedgehog and it likes to bite (out of curiosity) and it hurts like shit

[–]frak_your_couch 0 points1 point ago

Finally! A relevant image to comment on.

[–]ilikeapples2 0 points1 point ago

[–]chandria 0 points1 point ago

Feed him already...he is hungry!

[–]iankstarr 0 points1 point ago

Cocaine's a helluva drug.

[–]putsadickonyourface 0 points1 point ago

The source of the reference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcJkhSUSnek

[–]nicknaseef17 0 points1 point ago

Darknesses! Darknesses!

[–]The_Great_Shazaam 0 points1 point ago

I came, I saw, I laughed

[–]bobsagetfullhouse 0 points1 point ago

Someone replace his face with Dave Chappelle as Rick James

[–]Garrickus 0 points1 point ago

Get the fuck off his couches.

[–]adzug 0 points1 point ago

spiny norman... anyone?

[–]meatyjuan 0 points1 point ago

TIL; Mr Tiddlywink that lives down my street could bite my fucking hand off.

[–]Death_in_fire 0 points1 point ago

Who the hell... has a pet hedgehog? And did you just snatch it out of a bush or did you go to an authorized dealer?

[–]kitkatmusic 0 points1 point ago

Totally thought this was a mini hedgehog biting someones finger......I win.

[–]Mariona 0 points1 point ago

OMG... I think that's a turbo button.

[–]Snelsel 0 points1 point ago

Cocai..

edit: too late.

[–]ReginaChogath 0 points1 point ago

Awwww I want one.

[–]tagjim 0 points1 point ago

BUY ANOTHER ONE, YA RICH MOTHA-FUCKA!

[–]DrJezza 0 points1 point ago

Eeeeevil motherfuckers

[–]GrayStudios 1 point2 points ago

The joke, for anyone who didn't know what the title is referencing.

[–]dirtyjersey84 0 points1 point ago

That things teeth make it way less cute...

[–]trampus1 0 points1 point ago

That is one evil looking hedgehog.

[–]Ghandi_was_taken 0 points1 point ago

is that like a mexican chihuahua?

[–]Hello_Badkitty 0 points1 point ago

it's a scratch and sniff! he's just testin it out! :)

[–]88magnum 0 points1 point ago

Until a few seconds ago I thought hedgehogs were cute.

[–]boringbob 0 points1 point ago

I'm Rick James bitch

[–]pyxelfish -1 points0 points ago

[–]deadlybydsgn 0 points1 point ago

The teeth. The teeth get me every time.

[–]EvilHom3r 0 points1 point ago

Buy another one you rich motherfucker.

[–]PrincessKeona 0 points1 point ago

Okay, that image literally made me spit my oatmeal back into the bowl, and drool like a retard. Thanks, OP, thanks.

[–]digbus 0 points1 point ago

Wonder whats on reddit today? oh just reposts..

[–]notarapist72 0 points1 point ago

THEY HAVE TEETH?