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1754
1755

No, Consuela. No! (imgur.com)

submitted ago by juspooped

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[–]Jatoau 204 points205 points ago

She plead guilty to attempted burglary? I'm not sure of the penalties in Ohio but surely trespass is more fitting?

[–]IanPR 388 points389 points ago

That bitch stole all of my dust!

[–]lunartree 67 points68 points ago

IT'S MY LINT!

[–]sirralen 7 points8 points ago

God damn Courage was a fucked up cartoon.

That episode was particularly messed up. That doctor fox was crazy!

[–]IronLung420 8 points9 points ago

It all was crazy. Remember "return the slab"

[–]Andi1up 3 points4 points ago

Whats your offer!?

[–]CiF 1 point2 points ago

Couldn't sleep after first seeing this

[–]IronLung420 1 point2 points ago

He seemed allot scarier when I was younger...

[–]Elverlong 1 point2 points ago

When I was younger, I was too busy covering my eyes to know what he looked like.

[–]UncivilPeace 0 points1 point ago

Use it when YOU need it!

[–]TheYetiOverlord 4 points5 points ago

I saw the blue text and was hoping it was the person from courage, was not disappointed

[–]richardgrey 13 points14 points ago

Never get between a well-off white person and their dust.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 29 points30 points ago

It tells me where to put things back.

[–]detsnam 15 points16 points ago

Read this, looked back down at my desk to resume drawing, then proceeded to burst out laughing after about a 10 second delay. That one just needed to gestate a little, have an upvote.

[–]ueptvoovtpeu 7 points8 points ago

I seriously want to fly her out to clean my place. I'd give her 250 for the weekend or even a full day easy. Clearly she is motivated.

[–]stevo1078 9 points10 points ago

My mouth just exploded in a fit of air.

[–]NeonSummer 1 point2 points ago

Saving this comment.

[–]Amandamwestbrook 0 points1 point ago

Oh god that's funny

[–]UnD34d_Do0d 0 points1 point ago

Oh I love me a bit of dust

[–]Mrs_Consuela 1 point2 points ago

No, no.

[–]bejouled 21 points22 points ago

I was thinking breaking and entering... since she didn't actually attempt to burgle the house. :-\

[–]brycedriesenga 10 points11 points ago

When I was younger, I thought the phrase was "breaking an entering" and assumed it meant like, if you broke open the door or something.

[–]tacomanmcjab 5 points6 points ago

It doesn't mean that?

[–]WeLoveKanjimari 2 points3 points ago

If you open an unlocked door and close it as gently as possible it's still breaking and entering.

Legal terminology is pretty stupid.

[–]coltman75 6 points7 points ago

Uh, she did. Burglary is the crime of entering a building with the intent to commit a crime.

[–]Nikedawg 58 points59 points ago

TIL cleaning someone's house is a crime.

[–]Funk_Munki 20 points21 points ago

I'd let her commit a crime in my house as often as she wanted.

[–]gif_only_mode 26 points27 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/q5as2.gif

[–]spiderspit 4 points5 points ago

We'll let you know as soon as we dust this place for fingerprints...

[–]coltman75 5 points6 points ago

I think the crime is breaking into someone's home, going through their things, and leaving a bill (i.e. demanding money)

[–]gif_only_mode 26 points27 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/yjA7z.gif

[–]Funk_Munki 24 points25 points ago

What. The. Fuck.

[–]gif_only_mode 29 points30 points ago

http://i.minus.com/it3lSYu3e6wsW.gif

[–]Jeroknite 5 points6 points ago

I looks like it just vanishes into her vagina.

[–]gif_only_mode 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/NILlv.gif

[–]noumuon 0 points1 point ago

well, now i've seen that.

[–]Numl0k 9 points10 points ago

Holy shit, that's clever.

I wouldn't even be mad if they did that to me. I'd just be impressed. That takes some practice.

[–]Aquard 20 points21 points ago

They've been overeating for years to be able to pull off that heist.

[–]TwatFace92 3 points4 points ago

brilliant

[–]deesnuts[!] 1 point2 points ago

And they would have got away with it too if it wasn't for that darn camera pointed directly at them.

load more comments (1 reply)

    [–]FlatlanderMachine 5 points6 points ago

    Gypsies. Fucking gypsies.

    [–]solarnexus 3 points4 points ago

    ...is how baby gypsies are made?

    [–]Chazzey_dude 2 points3 points ago

    No. Baby gypsies are grown in caravans until they're old enough to steal their first tray of food. If they succeed in the robbery, they are initiated into gypsy-hood. If they aren't, they're crushed into seeds which are used to grow another gypsy.

    [–]cookingrobot 1 point2 points ago

    Well was it burglary or attempted burglary? She did enter the building, so why only an "attempted" charge?

    [–]vintermann 0 points1 point ago

    What if you enter a building with the intent to commit the crime of burglary?

    [–]coltman75 1 point2 points ago

    Then you've successfully entered a building with the intent to enter a building to commit a crime?

    [–]bejouled 0 points1 point ago

    huh. so it is. I always associated it with theft, but you're right.

    [–]coltman75 0 points1 point ago

    Yeah. Most people do, too. And then they get upset when they're charged with burglary and their only defense is "I didn't steal anything."

    [–]LiveThenDie 36 points37 points ago

    She left a bill, meaning she broke in and basically demanded money.

    [–]ColoradoAmendment64 65 points66 points ago

    By that logic, if I shout "Avada Kedavra!" at you then I've committed attempted murder.

    [–]Antabaka 38 points39 points ago

    Think about it. The person whose house was broken into wasn't happy about it, even if the place was more clean. A person breaks into your house, messes with your stuff (for better or worse), completely violates your privacy, then asks for money. They could assume it's a threat.

    [–]ColoradoAmendment64 9 points10 points ago

    I agree that a crime was committed. The crime of trespassing.

    [–]marishtar 3 points4 points ago

    And at least breaking and entering.

    [–]sleeplessone 0 points1 point ago

    Burglary = breaking and entering with the intent to commit a crime. In this case fraud.

    [–]noumuon 0 points1 point ago

    i'm not sure you can even say this is fraud any more than a random homeless person washing your windshield and asking for money at a stoplight is fraud.

    [–]McWut 5 points6 points ago

    It's not burglary because she didn't break in with intent to commit a crime. She broke in with the intent to clean up. No further crimes were committed after the breaking and entering occurred. At the very least she would have had a case if she pleaded not guilty.

    http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/2911.12

    [–]Antabaka 2 points3 points ago

    I'm not sure why she chose to plead guilty on that, I admit. It isn't a stretch to say that what she did in the house was a crime, though.

    [–]caboose4321 10 points11 points ago

    Bad attorney advice I bet.

    [–]bigkr88 3 points4 points ago

    Not knowing the whole situation, and as it was dubbed attempted burglary, I would assume no one on any side wanted to fight the case that much, she probably didn't want to expend the effort, so she was cut a break with a slap on the wrist for pleading guilty and warned that no, it was not OK for her to do that.

    [–]Adamapplejacks 2 points3 points ago

    fuckin plea bargains, man

    [–]BioGenx2b 1 point2 points ago

    Lack of legal knowledge.

    load more comments (9 replies)

      [–]Puphallo 2 points3 points ago

      Not really. Shouting magical spells at people cannot directly kill them, even if you think it does. But demanding money for an unwanted service seems fraudulent, and the argument can be made that the woman broke into the home to attempt this fraud, which may be considered (attempted) burglary.

      [–]steviesteveo12 3 points4 points ago

      It's not fraudulent, it's just unsolicited.

      It's like when someone washes your windshield at a red light.

      [–]Puphallo 1 point2 points ago

      Expecting payment for an unwanted, already provided service seems illegal to me, regardless of service. I believe it's called duress or coercion in English.

      [–]steviesteveo12 2 points3 points ago

      I only said it wasn't fraudulent, although to be fair it's also not duress or coercion. They involve using force or threats or some other pressure to make people do things.

      Edit: For example, it's not illegal for me to expect you to pay me $5 for reading this comment. I just don't have a hope in hell of getting the money. If I threatened to hit you until you paid me and so you paid me, that would probably be duress.

      [–]Puphallo 1 point2 points ago

      The pressure would be the already provided service. They imply that they deserve payment for their service because it's beneficial for you, even if you didn't want it. Of course that's not true, but people don't often realize that in such a moment and are exploited that way.

      Of course, I don't know if the law or a judge would agree with my view, it's just speculation.

      [–]theapeboy 1 point2 points ago

      Or dry humps you on the train and asks for payment.

      [–]steviesteveo12 0 points1 point ago

      That's better than when they pay you, at least.

      [–]steviesteveo12 3 points4 points ago

      By that logic, if I shout "Avada Kedavra!" at you then I've committed attempted murder.

      How reasonable someone finds that depends on how they balance the effectiveness of the murder attempt against the intention behind the murder attempt.

      A real world example is HIV sufferers spitting at people. You near as dammit can't ever catch HIV that way but if they believe they're infecting you it's just lucky for you that they didn't use a more effective method.

      [–]LiveThenDie 0 points1 point ago

      Incorrect. You'd only have succeeded at shouting at your computer.

      [–]boofire -1 points0 points ago

      Burglary is breaking and entering with the intent to commit a felony within. Thus the bill she left, trying to extort money is the felony.

      [–]Jatoau 3 points4 points ago

      Yes but the part that got me was that it was a guilty plea, not a finding of guilt. Why would you plea without trying to go for the lesser charge?

      [–]noumuon 0 points1 point ago

      plea bargain. the DA or whoever was prosecuting probably agreed to something like a continuance without a finding (basically "give us some court fee for the day and don't get in trouble for a bit") if she pleaded guilty. it happens all the time.

      [–]wewd 5 points6 points ago

      Correct. Had she not done so, it would have been breaking and entering and/or trespass at worst. The demand for money elevated the crime to attempted burglary.

      Source: I briefly thought about going to law school at one time.

      [–]pius3nd 8 points9 points ago

      For that to be true, performing an (unwanted) task for someone and then demanding money would have to be a felony. That seems dubious; there's folks at intersections washing your windows, then asking for money all the time.

      [–]h2sbacteria 10 points11 points ago

      So a window washer who cleans your window and asks you to pay them is attempting to rob you? Ultimately, you don't have to pay because you did not agree. But as the law goes if you benefit from someone's actions, you are liable to pay them; however, judges usually will make exceptions if it's socially unwanted. So really her only crime is trespass. If you don't want to pay you don't have to pay.

      [–]derwisch 2 points3 points ago

      So a window washer who cleans your window and asks you to pay them is attempting to rob you?

      "Your windscreen" would be more fitting and yes, there is a slippery slope in aggressive panhandling.

      [–]Funk_Munki 2 points3 points ago

      How briefly?

      [–]wewd 5 points6 points ago

      About 15 minutes, and then I found out how much it was going to cost.

      [–]Dolentrean 5 points6 points ago

      The defense rests. The Source is found to be valid.

      [–]alpharowe3 2 points3 points ago

      Did she demand or ask? Did she use a (?) or a (!) or a (.) on the napkin?

      [–]Soluz -1 points0 points ago

      How can you get punished for demanding money?
      If I say "Give me 50$ dollars, NOW." is that robbery?

      [–]Nemokles 2 points3 points ago

      Retarded attempted robbery. You'll get up to 5 years in a clown school.

      Source: totally a lawyer, bro.

      [–]junkmanuk 0 points1 point ago

      OK.. Ok.. I don't want no trouble - paypal ok?

      [–]issius 0 points1 point ago

      Sounds like mugging to me. You might be shitty at it, but if you were a large man and you were demanding money from a small woman there's easily the implied threat of violence. Same deal here, someone was in your house. The implied threat is that they could come back whenever they wanted.

      [–]Soluz 0 points1 point ago

      Yeah, but can you punish implied violence?

      load more comments (1 reply)

        [–]GnosticGnome 0 points1 point ago

        Would a reasonable person feel threatened by the bill?

        [–]TacoinaToaster 0 points1 point ago

        How else is she meant to buy Lemon Pledge?

        [–]merlinho 7 points8 points ago

        $75 for a couple of hours' cleaning seems like daylight robbery to me.

        [–]selflessGene 3 points4 points ago

        If it was thorough that sounds about right for a major metro area.

        [–]Itza420 4 points5 points ago

        Does noone know what burglary means? Burglary is NOT robbery. Burglary is breaking and entering, which is exactly what this idiot did.

        [–][deleted] ago

        [deleted]

        [–]Itza420 0 points1 point ago

        Was she not trespassing as well?

        [–]siegewolf 3 points4 points ago

        Burglary is entering a private property/residence with the intent to commit a crime.

        [–]musocal 3 points4 points ago

        Fun fact: in the old days, at common law, burglary meant "breaking and entering another's dwelling at night with the intent to commit a felony therein" (felony = murder, larceny, etc.).... so, if she did this during the daytime (which I assume she did), it wouldn't have counted as burglary. Likewise, if her intent wasn't to commit a felony (seems it wasn't), then it wasn't traditional burglary. But Jatoau is right that something like trespass better fits the bill.

        [–]TY-MayIHaveAnother 2 points3 points ago

        Except for the excellent job she did cleaning out the jewelry drawer.

        [–]Gukiguy 1 point2 points ago

        Not forgetting Breaking and Entering.

        [–]mrbangbam 0 points1 point ago

        Unless Ohio has criminal trespass, trespass is only a civil tort

        [–]sleeplessone 0 points1 point ago

        She actually commited burglary. Burlgary is the crime of entering a building as a trespasser, or "breaking and entering" with the intent to commit an offense which can be theft but is not limited to that.

        Trespass would be if she was on their front lawn and asked to leave and didn't.

        load more comments (7 replies)

          [–]gjbloom 64 points65 points ago

          She probably thought it was a logical extension of those guys who try to hustle money for washing your windshield.

          [–]h2sbacteria 14 points15 points ago

          Well isn't it. And if the person didn't want to pay, it's not as if she was extorting them. I mean her only real crime is trespass. The DA convinced her otherwise, she should not have plead guilty.

          [–]ptboi42 5 points6 points ago

          I agree. I would actually be happy if someone did this to me, as long as they didn't steal anything.

          [–]EntForgotHisPassword 10 points11 points ago

          I'd be pretty pissed if someone I didn't know was walking around my appartment, even if they did clean up afterwards...

          [–]SkoobyDoo 2 points3 points ago

          Anything I couldn't find afterwards would be immediately labelled as stolen. Even if it did actually just roll under the couch.

          [–]trekkie_becky 213 points214 points ago

          She left because she needed more lemon Pledge.

          [–]silifoam 105 points106 points ago

          No, You buy...

          [–]gif_only_mode 97 points98 points ago

          http://i.imgur.com/F5x2E.gif

          [–]aspiringvoiceactor 18 points19 points ago

          This took me a second to see him, and that made it all the more hilarious.

          [–]gif_only_mode 82 points83 points ago

          http://i.eho.st/pgroi8ah.gif

          [–]YourUsernameSucks 30 points31 points ago

          Da fuq

          [–]BreSput 30 points31 points ago

          IIRC it's from a russian commercial where the guy goes into something like an insurance agency and says something like "BLAHBLAH I have a legitimate concern" and then everybody gets out of dodge. Then it cuts to something like "Use XZY insurance company, because we won't randomly try to hide when you need us."

          [–]sebzim4500 0 points1 point ago

          I'm pretty sure it was about looking for jobs.

          [–]gif_only_mode 71 points72 points ago

          http://i.imgur.com/Eyl4P.gif

          [–]JayPetey 41 points42 points ago

          Oh Asian Banana Fairy... they told me you weren't real.. but I always believed.

          [–]brycedriesenga 10 points11 points ago

          I think they should run this ad in America, and the success of it would be at least the same, if not higher.

          [–]CodyGriffin 8 points9 points ago

          I am a banana!

          [–]DarknStormies 6 points7 points ago

          Do you have any concerns, vis a vis the size of your spoon?

          [–]Romanator3000 3 points4 points ago

          But...I just...and he just...where did...what?

          [–]gif_only_mode 2 points3 points ago

          http://i.imgur.com/JnCDB.gif

          [–]Romanator3000 1 point2 points ago

          Thank you

          [–]Thepenisgood 0 points1 point ago

          Just leaving a comment here to look at this absoultuely magnificent gif later since I can't save it on my phone.

          load more comments (3 replies)

            [–]piroteknix 2 points3 points ago

            See whom?

            [–]aspiringvoiceactor 0 points1 point ago

            The jack-a-nape

            [–]runnergunner -1 points0 points ago

            Bastard

            [–]SerDelta 11 points12 points ago

            What if I give you the money and then you can go out and buy it?

            [–]silifoam 7 points8 points ago

            No No, You Buy...

            [–]consuela_no_es_here 0 points1 point ago

            o.o how did you know.

            load more comments (2 replies)

              [–]Dem0n5 14 points15 points ago

              Damn, imagine someone breaking in and cleaning out a hoarder's...hoard.

              [–]RachelRTR 8 points9 points ago

              Bill: $3,000.

              [–]canucklehead13 3 points4 points ago

              $30,000

              FTFY

              [–]Brammelam 4 points5 points ago

              And under the ashes they found a note

              "I'm a cleaning lady, I clean houses."

              [–]70000 50 points51 points ago

              How did she get to 53 without being arrested or diagnosed with mental problems

              [–]vnkid 24 points25 points ago

              I feel like there was a great deal less of recognized mental illnesses/diseases/conditions/whatever... 40 years ago as there are today.

              [–]fateswarm 4 points5 points ago

              There's also a lot of common temporary anxiety given fancy names to give purpose to therapy.

              [–]handmethatkitten 6 points7 points ago

              i am not sure that breaking into someone's home and compulsively cleaning their things counts simply as common temporary anxiety.

              [–][deleted] ago

              [deleted]

              [–]handmethatkitten 0 points1 point ago

              whose boy?

              [–]Botkinbote 2 points3 points ago

              Psychiatric problems can often arise perimenopausally.

              [–]_angel 4 points5 points ago

              In an abnormal psychology textbook I read years ago it said roughly 52% of the US population has at least one mental disorder begging the question, "What is normal?"

              Think about it: Roughly 1/2 of the people you interact with everyday has a psychological problem of some sort.

              [–]ohgodwhatthe 2 points3 points ago

              The entire article reads like a description of a manic episode.

              [–]DJSennett 8 points9 points ago

              A home west of Cleveland

              Would that be Joe's house?

              [–]ItsPieTime 1 point2 points ago

              No, Joe's house is across the street.

              [–]pyroz9 26 points27 points ago

              I actually thought of her first

              [–]abovepostisfunnier 16 points17 points ago

              "At Monica's place you can eat cookies over the sink!"

              [–]Ixscoerz 11 points12 points ago

              Good Gal Cleaning Lady is misunderstood.

              On a side note, she shouldn't have left a bill with her phone number on it.

              [–]Krxe 1 point2 points ago

              On another side note, she should also not have broken into someone's home.

              load more comments (11 replies)

                [–]James_Holmes 7 points8 points ago

                Meth.

                [–]TheAtomicPlayboy 12 points13 points ago

                Original

                [–]BalboaBaggins 2 points3 points ago

                The house is even "west of Cleveland"

                [–]badababee 2 points3 points ago

                I bet someone in that house is missing about $1000 in play money. They should also check to see if their doggie is afuera.

                [–]mondaythecat18 2 points3 points ago

                West of Cleveland. Cleveland Brown used to live on the other side of the street from Peter. Peter lived on the side facing the East (towards Cleveland's house), meaning that his house was West of Cleveland. Coincidence?

                [–]patientbearr 4 points5 points ago

                We posted this on my friend's FB wall because he did something similar

                We sublet our (college) house to students taking classes over the summer and they didn't really ever clean it, so he cleaned the whole place and left them a bill, which they obviously didn't pay.

                Obviously they should have cleaned the place up but him leaving the bill was a little unrealistic

                [–]othellothewise 11 points12 points ago

                Don't most sublet agreements require that the place be kept in good condition and cleaned afterwards?

                [–]patientbearr 2 points3 points ago

                Well that's kind of the point, he didn't want to lose his security deposit

                [–]LockeOut 1 point2 points ago

                If I understand you correctly, your friend (who is on the regular house lease) cleaned the mess made by the summer sublet folks in order to keep his security deposit from the landlord.

                I think what the poster above was asking is why didn't you and your housemates charge the subletters themselves a security deposit to be used as a cleaning fee at the end if necessary?

                [–]patientbearr 1 point2 points ago

                They were all friends of ours, and not everyone sublet their room so we'd have to charge that fee individually.

                Probably wasn't handled as well as it could have been.

                [–]bobbybraidy 0 points1 point ago

                I wish someone would break into my place and clean up!

                [–]mastranios 1 point2 points ago

                I can only imagine the look on the owners face when they noticed a break in and they walk in and everything is cleaned.

                [–]dedatos 0 points1 point ago

                Princess Consuela Bananna-Hammock?

                [–]bigchris0852 -1 points0 points ago

                We need more lemon pledge lol

                [–]mikejg823 1 point2 points ago

                Prison industrial complex will take anybody they canz

                [–]thoroughayeweight 0 points1 point ago

                burglary: breaking into a dwelling (some states have an "at night" requirement) with intent to commit a felony therein. Here, the felony would be...??? I guess we don't know her intent.

                [–]MrGear 1 point2 points ago

                Theft of the garbage I would assume.

                [–]thoroughayeweight 1 point2 points ago

                Ah, right. Though if she intended to throw it in their trash bins...hmm

                [–]pancakanator 0 points1 point ago

                No, no. We need more lemon pledge

                [–]_veal_ 0 points1 point ago

                I wonder if that exact excerpt is in lots of newspapers..

                [–]tritter211 0 points1 point ago

                aww. thats so sad.

                [–]LURKM0AR 1 point2 points ago

                Guerrilla marketing gone wrong.

                [–]mezihoth 0 points1 point ago

                reminds me of the movie "looking for a friend for the end of the world"

                [–]spiderspit 0 points1 point ago

                "But Hector you told me to clean the place up!"

                [–]purplesnowman 1 point2 points ago

                Tits

                [–]Sydviciouz 0 points1 point ago

                Heeeh boobies

                [–]spiderspit 0 points1 point ago

                Well, she did clean up the place.

                [–]accountmaderightnow 0 points1 point ago

                Stereotypes stopped being funny as soon as they started being funny

                [–]TheBigYello1isTheSun 0 points1 point ago

                "I stay and I clean?"

                [–]Mentalpopcorn 0 points1 point ago

                My house is a complete mess. If that happened to me I would consider it serendipitous; I wouldn't pay the bill but no way would I call the cops.

                [–]Sydviciouz 0 points1 point ago

                Does anyone hate Consuela as much as I do? Yes, I know she's a cartoon, but I would beat her out of my house with her own broom.

                [–]doot_doot 0 points1 point ago

                Mom?

                [–]allycat1987 0 points1 point ago

                Maybe she needed the money for more lemon Pledge...

                [–]jlwgivesafuk 0 points1 point ago

                This is from Jay Leno, Bitch.

                [–]drstd 0 points1 point ago

                Edit: "No, SUSAN, no."

                [–]iatetwogrilledcheese 0 points1 point ago

                Well if the lady was a hoarder I can see the theft part, she did throw away her "garbage"

                [–]h2odragon00 0 points1 point ago

                if this happens to me, i won't press charges.. as long as she doesn't steal anything..

                [–]watevs44 0 points1 point ago

                This is ridiculous.

                [–]artydecor 0 points1 point ago

                Picture of the suspect:

                ‘Cleaning Fairy’ pleads guilty to charges of attempted burglary in Cuyahoga County

                [–]DRUNK_CYCLIST 0 points1 point ago

                reminds me of that augusten burroughs essay in "magical thinking"

                [–]hiho4444 -1 points0 points ago

                Is this actually true?!

                [–]BaronLaladedo 0 points1 point ago

                Consuela is creepy.

                [–]Aaronmcom 0 points1 point ago

                I clean, i no repair window

                [–]LunchBokth 1 point2 points ago

                Does anyone else think that the "consuela" joke is not funny? my family does hire house cleaners who are from mexico and I've had my world turned upside down when my mother comes to me saying that our house cleaner, Luz, just told her about her husband who just got shot in their hometown (I forget the hometown so sue me). That same day I would have never have guessed that shit was going on in her life. she just went about her business. you never know what someone is going through.

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