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Facebook friend of mine inspected an apartment where the male tenant was recently evicted. This is what she found. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by locutusoftim

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[–]siltfilter 753 points754 points ago

Is he throwing his dildos at the lightswitch to turn it on and off? I guess after some of those it's easiest not to get up and walk to it.

[–]realfinkployd 240 points241 points ago

You drink enough boxes of wine, and that starts to seem like a good idea.

[–]jeffimus_prime 208 points209 points ago

A box of wine and a box of dongs is all some people need in life.

[–]theBMXbandit 61 points62 points ago

This quote needs to be set over some sepia tone landscape photograph like the shit I see on facebook every day.

[–]CrackedPepper86 149 points150 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/QtkVK.jpg

[–]Defenerate 4 points5 points ago

This one is a lot better.

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    [–]etfp 192 points193 points ago

    http://i.imgur.com/qbssw.jpg

    [–]HookahJoe 43 points44 points ago

    Sepia, Damnit! SEPIA!

    [–]igor_mortis 9 points10 points ago

    in his haste to get sweet karma, i think he completely ruined that.

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      [–]washthatbody 13 points14 points ago

      Very good, but the font looks a bit like semen.

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              [–]Ian1732 164 points165 points ago

              Well that's what I do. Is that so unusual?

              [–]Smaktat 157 points158 points ago

              Is it unuuusual! To throw dil-dos at the switch!

              [–]djramrod 106 points107 points ago

              It's amazing how easily my mind read that in Tom Jones' voice (while imagining Carlton Banks dancing)

              [–]TomChesterson 5 points6 points ago

              I think I imagined it wrong because I got the Count from Sesame Street.

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                [–]ClemsonPoker 29 points30 points ago

                A++, would sing along again.

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                  [–]Gella321 20 points21 points ago

                  It's not unusual.

                  [–]motophiliac 33 points34 points ago

                  Fuck off Tom.

                  [–]nametaker 29 points30 points ago

                  To have fun with anyone...

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                      [–]Hater_ 105 points106 points ago

                      He obviously could not pay his rent in dildos which is what the original plan was... So plan B, chuck some dildos at the light.

                      [–]jax9999 137 points138 points ago

                      i think thats santorum all over that light switch...

                      [–]PoptartWithoutIcing 32 points33 points ago

                      I'm at school sitting next to a stranger, laughing my ass off. But not real laughing... like, trying to hold it in, shaking, making wheezing sounds. I really hope he doesn't try to read what I'm dying over.

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                        [–]rsplatpc 1437 points1438 points ago

                        I would like them to open a locker on Storage Wars and find this setup inside.

                        [–]rains1986 1237 points1238 points ago

                        "I got a feeling about that box back there..."

                        opens it up

                        BOX O DILDOS.

                        [–]ringringbananaphone 952 points953 points ago

                        "I think I can get about $500 for this box of used anal beads"

                        [–]assadsucksd 692 points693 points ago

                        "These are Marilyn Monroe's actual dildos"

                        [–]Rory_B_Bellows 727 points728 points ago

                        I don't know a lot about 1960's dildos but let me call a guy who's an expert in this sort of thing.

                        [–]Mrs_Mojo_Rising 285 points286 points ago

                        "So, lay it on me, what are they worth?"

                        [–]Rory_B_Bellows 292 points293 points ago

                        I know the appraiser said $100 each, but that's to the buyer that's willing to pay that. Unfortunately we don't get a lot of people coming in looking for celebrity marital aids, so the best I can do is $4 each.

                        [–]MBuddah 189 points190 points ago

                        "that's a little less than i was hoping to get for them.. do you think you could do $7?"

                        [–]load_more_comets 215 points216 points ago

                        Tell you what, I hate to see a collection like this broken up. I'll meet you half way, five fiddy.

                        [–]FalloutTictacs 135 points136 points ago

                        I"d like $6. It's a really cool collection. You'll never have a collection like this again.

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                          [–]jockoj 91 points92 points ago

                          $4 Each? No thanks, I'll keep them and use them myself.

                          [–]Ihasn 32 points33 points ago

                          Eh thats kinda low. Would you be willing to do $90 each plus store credit?

                          [–]Rory_B_Bellows 37 points38 points ago

                          I can do $5 and trade you some Walter Mondale campaign buttons.

                          [–]Managua_Green 30 points31 points ago

                          WRONG SHOW FUCKERS.

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                            [–]rdssassin 91 points92 points ago

                            Dammit Chumlee

                            [–]Braden22 56 points57 points ago

                            The big black dildos would have been frowned upon in the 1960s, I can only assume it was the 70s and up.

                            [–]romerom 14 points15 points ago

                            the certificate of authenticity is only as good as the person authenticating it. better try and get consensus amongst the community.

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                              [–]heres_one_for_ya 38 points39 points ago

                              Not much of a market for these. I'd have to find just the right buyer. I could give you 20 bucks for the whole box.

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                                [–]NothingsShocking 136 points137 points ago

                                Barry's breakdown :

                                Bought locker for $450

                                Box of anal bead's $500

                                profit : $50

                                "not what I hoped to get for this locker, but I'll take $50 over nothing any day"

                                [–]ajmoneyy 56 points57 points ago

                                Barry drives the strangest shit.

                                [–]SonOfSamJackson 14 points15 points ago

                                He's by far one of my favorite characters on any of those types of shows.

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                                    [–]mi_nombre_es_ricardo 73 points74 points ago

                                    So how much do you think I can get for this box of smelly pearls?

                                    [–]yummyummers 65 points66 points ago

                                    Pawn shop: 2 dollars

                                    At auction: 30-40 dollars

                                    Finding the right buyer at the right time : 50-55 dollars

                                    [–]Oddlibrarian 33 points34 points ago

                                    Never seen anyone walk into the Pawn Stars "Gold and Silver Pawn Shop" show and try to hawk famous dildos, historical dildos, or a large sex toy collection.

                                    Why doesn't someone make -that- pawn show?

                                    [–]Lord_NiteShade 90 points91 points ago

                                    No one really "walks into the Pawn Stars Shop."

                                    If you've been their since the show started, its 85% Pawn Stars gift shop now. The actual show area is very small, and not many people browse it. You also cannot expect to see anyone from the show actually working, if you do make a business transaction its with regular staff (who are far less knowledgeable and do not actually call in expert buddies, they just guestimate worth.) The transactions you see on the show are either totally staged, with the Pawn Star, "customer", and Expert all being notified and organized in advance for the day of the shoot. Or, its a customer with a strange (tv worthy) item, who is asked to come back later in the week for an episode filming.

                                    [–]frickindeal 24 points25 points ago

                                    Agreed with all the rest, but the store is not "85% gift shop now". The shirts and a little bit of other souvenirs are in the center of the aisle near the back of the store. It's probably 15% of the entire store. The place is tiny, but most of it is old-ass jewelry-store display cases (the ones you see Rick standing behind) that say "DO NOT LEAN ON THE GLASS" because they're so fucking old. There's tons of watches, jewelry and shit in those, and then a bunch of the stuff you see on the wall shelves behind Rick and Co. are actually there.

                                    It's still a functioning pawn shop.

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                                              [–]mstrymxer 137 points138 points ago

                                              Thats about a 93 dollar bill there

                                              [–]sczmbz 38 points39 points ago

                                              Thats about a 93 dollar bill there, Brando

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                                                  [–]ImKennedy 99 points100 points ago

                                                  My dad has a strange love for Storage Wars and all the general storage shows. I had never seen it. I walk down one day and decide to watch it with him.

                                                  First door they open, there's a naked guy in a cage.

                                                  I don't really understand the show.

                                                  [–]felltablet 114 points115 points ago

                                                  I'm sure, like all reality shows, it is 100% real and not scripted in anyway.

                                                  [–]healcannon 35 points36 points ago

                                                  Best i can give you is 60%

                                                  [–]Flam5 31 points32 points ago

                                                  The clip (Storage Hunters).

                                                  [–]Norma_Stitz 51 points52 points ago

                                                  storage hunters is trutv's version, 100% scripted, 100% actors

                                                  usually the first season of a reality show is where its at (not trutv or spike), they've been filming for a long ass time already to get real material. once it hits they start scripting until viewership drops off.

                                                  [–]Flam5 12 points13 points ago

                                                  Yuuuuup.

                                                  I admit I watch a lot of these, but once I see really awful scripting, I change the channel. Sometimes the scripting isn't terrible if the characters are people you like being put in some sort of situation. For example, I'll usually bear with most scripting on American Pickers because Mike & Frank seem like good people and it can be entertaining seeing what they get into, even if it's forced. A lot of the entertainment comes from them being so awful at it, it shows they aren't actors. Pawn Stars, on the other hand, I just can't deal with the scripting and usually avoid the show.

                                                  [–]pretentiousRatt 40 points41 points ago

                                                  What's that you got there chumlee? Oh a delicious and affordable breakfast sandwich from Subway? That sandwich chain really is the greatest.

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                                                        [–]DOG_STEVENS 12 points13 points ago

                                                        It's actually kind of fun and one of the better "regular job" reality shows. I find it ten times more entertaining than Pawn Stars or American Pickers.

                                                        Sometimes its nice to take a break from Breaking Bad and history documentaries and just watch grown men fight over old trinkets.

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                                                          [–]Goeagles 216 points217 points ago

                                                          Yuuuuuuup

                                                          [–]angryPenguinator 182 points183 points ago

                                                          Oh please let Dave win that locker. PLEASE.

                                                          [–]duelpear 183 points184 points ago

                                                          And then finally someone can tell him to go fuck himself.

                                                          [–]ajdlala 70 points71 points ago

                                                          Yeeeepppppppp

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                                                            [–]Jazmariah 44 points45 points ago

                                                            Dave's a dick.

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                                                              [–]BrassMann 21 points22 points ago

                                                              Watch it. You could be sued.

                                                              [–]SanchoDeLaRuse 21 points22 points ago

                                                              Nooooooope

                                                              [–]ASmellyFrostTroll 30 points31 points ago

                                                              Chuck Testa

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                                                                [–]HocusThePocus 84 points85 points ago

                                                                That's a 100 dollar bill right there

                                                                [–]justind79 98 points99 points ago

                                                                That's the wow factor

                                                                [–]newtothelyte 28 points29 points ago

                                                                I hate when he says amounts that are not in denominations of actual bills.

                                                                "That's a 70 dollar bill right there." No its not you fucktard.

                                                                [–]McDanksley 6 points7 points ago

                                                                My wife starts going apeshit when Darryl does this, starts throwing shit towards the TV and so on. Makes me laugh my ass off!

                                                                "That's at least a $12 dollar bill right there times there's gotta be at least ten of 'em, right Brando? That makes... like a $180 bill just on dildos"

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                                                                    [–]UnnecessaryPhilology 88 points89 points ago

                                                                    Gonna break character here. I occasionally bid on storage units in my local auctions. One time my friend and I won a unit, a large one, with a number of chests and Duffle bags. This was the first unit we ever won so we were really excited. We hurriedly opened the first bag, hoping to find a Magna Carta or something. Our eyes gleamed in the fluorescent light as we unzipped the glorious bag...

                                                                    Panties. Tons of panties.

                                                                    Second bag. Panties, kinky fur handcuffs, empty purses.

                                                                    Third bag. Porn DVDs. Between 500-1000 porn DVDs. Who the hell pays for porn?

                                                                    The chests contained identifying details and they turned out to be neighbors just a few years older than me. So basically this married couple doxxed themselves and outed their love life: their shit, notes, and other crap told a story of a husband with one helluva high libido. It was pretty much the grossest unit I've ever had to deal with. If you rent a unit, pay yo' bills.

                                                                    [–]tykkor 104 points105 points ago

                                                                    Who the hell pays for porn?

                                                                    Apparently you do.

                                                                    [–]Ziczak 28 points29 points ago

                                                                    PSA: if you have a fetish you're hiding in a storage rental, pay your bills.

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                                                                      [–]Blastmaster29 30 points31 points ago

                                                                      Except the show is scripted and the lockers are all staged. Hate to burst your bubble.

                                                                      [–]ligament 14 points15 points ago

                                                                      Same with Pawn Stars.

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                                                                          [–]sublimeluvinme 845 points846 points ago

                                                                          This guy is the Lance Armstrong of the Tour de Franzia.

                                                                          [–]gthyuh 206 points207 points ago

                                                                          Were the dildos performance-enhancing?

                                                                          [–]HyzerFlip 454 points455 points ago

                                                                          They're actually butt plugs. To slow the massive eruptions of liquid box wine shit.

                                                                          [–]Gnarlltrugg 79 points80 points ago

                                                                          welcome to r/nocontext.

                                                                          [–]DoTheDew 127 points128 points ago

                                                                          if you throw the extra forward slash in there, it provides a link automatically.

                                                                          /r/nocontext

                                                                          [–]Barren23 80 points81 points ago

                                                                          Not to be a jackhole, but that is a forward slash, not a backslash.

                                                                          [–]DoTheDew 244 points245 points ago

                                                                          I edited it about 30 seconds after posting my comment.

                                                                          I get three minutes! Give me my three minutes!

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                                                                                  [–]IIdsandsII 42 points43 points ago

                                                                                  they're replacement bicycle seats.

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                                                                                    [–]deehan26 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                    Can anyone tell what variety of Franzia he's drinking? It looks kind of like the merlot box but for someone like this id expect something more along the lines of sangria or chillable red

                                                                                    [–]sublimeluvinme 136 points137 points ago

                                                                                    In my experience, a white Zinfandel goes great with butt play, no matter from which end you choose to consume it.

                                                                                    [–]deehan26 33 points34 points ago

                                                                                    White Zinfandel takes the cake of Franzia varieties no doubt. With its flavorful, yet not overpowering, sweetness it makes for a chuggable and versatile box wine, far better than franzia's alternate rosé, the sunset blush. This man is clearly drinking some sort of red, my expert guess being the sangria.

                                                                                    [–]futilitarian[!] 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                    I now have you tagged as "goes great with butt play"

                                                                                    [–]ragingnerd 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                    i drink a hell of a lot of the sunset blush...i wonder what the future holds for me

                                                                                    (please no dildo's...please please please)

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                                                                                      [–]archduke_of_awesome 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                      It's definitely chillable red.

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                                                                                          [–]AgnesScottie 86 points87 points ago

                                                                                          "I like my wine like I like my dildos - in copious amounts and in boxes."

                                                                                          [–]RhinestoneMuffintop 368 points369 points ago

                                                                                          I live next door to a cop who always has stacks of empty Franzia boxes outside his apartment door. He also listens to classical music all the time and walks through the halls in his underwear carrying his gun.

                                                                                          The last thing I feel is safe.

                                                                                          [–]tanner4105 91 points92 points ago

                                                                                          Is it Jim Lahey?

                                                                                          [–]free_boosie 32 points33 points ago

                                                                                          shitapillars

                                                                                          [–]DearSergio 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                          Corey and Trevor are the two stupidest fuck-giraffes in the dumb dumb castle.

                                                                                          [–]OdinDog 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                          Randy, hit the shit-switch. It's time to shine a shit-light on this shituation.

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                                                                                            [–]brokengizmo 145 points146 points ago

                                                                                            http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EFPQo_8-KtQ/TtK5ZJS3cgI/AAAAAAAACMo/QUKmeJEc6p4/s1600/boondock4.jpg

                                                                                            [–]monkeychipsx2 43 points44 points ago

                                                                                            There was a FIYAFIGHT!

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                                                                                              [–]zxof 17 points18 points ago

                                                                                              Now you know how the inside of his flat looks like

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                                                                                                [–]raging_asshole 600 points601 points ago

                                                                                                Quite possibly a male cam-show guy.

                                                                                                You guys have probably heard of sites like MFC, where girls basically become internet strippers in exchange for tips. Some of the girls make insane money by doing little more than acting cute and flashing some tits. Other girls go fuckin all-out, with fuck machines and DP shows and extreme gaping and 4-girl-shows and all that.

                                                                                                Well, there is the exact same thing for men, but as you can imagine it's largely for an audience of men; apparently there is not a huge market of women willing to pay money to watch a dude jerk it. (In fact, some of the girls on MFC and similar sites get paid extra to watch dudes jerk it.)

                                                                                                So a lot of the male cam shows end up being pretty graphic self-pegging.

                                                                                                I'd like to imagine that this guy finally made enough money to get his butthole repaired and move to a sunny beach somewhere, looking forward to a life of fruity drinks with umbrellas and no more box wine.

                                                                                                [–]StutteringStanley 112 points113 points ago

                                                                                                Do people who are into this sort of thing care at all about the state of the place at all, or do they not care that the action is taking place on a beach chair with boxes strewn about?

                                                                                                [–]Anomander 250 points251 points ago

                                                                                                So you're watching a steamy cam show of some dude stuffing numerous dildos in his ass, and the fact that he has a few wine boxes strewn about is the bit that kills the mood?

                                                                                                [–]StutteringStanley 122 points123 points ago

                                                                                                idk, I guess if I were paying premium to see this stuff, I'd prefer nice interior decorating. A little effort at least. As it is, it seems like this guy never leaves his room.

                                                                                                [–]givequicheachance 1013 points1014 points ago

                                                                                                What's gayer than watching a man sodomize himself?

                                                                                                Refusing to because his decorating wasn't up to standard.

                                                                                                EDIT: Thanks everyone for making my top rated comment of all time about sodomy and interior design.

                                                                                                [–]gaog 72 points73 points ago

                                                                                                ..yeah and some OK wine at least please

                                                                                                [–]699DREWYEAH 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                                gave quiche a chance, wasn't disappointed

                                                                                                [–]flowithego 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                Bestof worthy.

                                                                                                [–]lazywiteboy 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                                You truly deserve more upvotes for this realization

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                                                                                                      [–]WildKittyv1 56 points57 points ago

                                                                                                      Not shown here so it might not be the case, but it's easy enough to have a small setup off to the side where there's a decent backdrop and things look palatable. I've seen a few of those cam streams where the girl has the setup looking like a normal bedroom and the cam will get jostled, a disobedient wire catches on something, or they simply just zoom out too far and you see the mess that exists just outside the reality they want you to see.

                                                                                                      [–]jmottram08 37 points38 points ago

                                                                                                      I think there is a mess quite within the reality of what they want you to see as well.

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                                                                                                        [–]hooplah 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                        They probably just tidy up whatever's in the field of view on cam. The rest isn't seen so it doesn't matter.

                                                                                                        [–]kent_eh 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                        Just like a real TV studio,actually.

                                                                                                        If you go on a studio tour expecting Hollywood glam everywhere you look, you're gonna have a bad time.

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                                                                                                          [–]pavel_lishin 53 points54 points ago

                                                                                                          I'd like to imagine that this guy finally made enough money

                                                                                                          Well, considering he got evicted, your imagination is probably not too close to reality.

                                                                                                          On the other hand, he didn't bother taking his dildos with him.

                                                                                                          [–]TwistTurtle 22 points23 points ago

                                                                                                          He probably took the good ones with him. Those one are just basic, crappy ones.

                                                                                                          [–]dslyecix 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                          Yeah they are wooden training dildos, similar to how you can get wooden practice swords.

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                                                                                                            [–]Itza420 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                            You can get evicted for things other than skipping rent... You entire apartment smelling like and covered in feces is certainly one of them.

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                                                                                                              [–]nomnomnomohai 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                                              ick yeah. I used to do web-cam shows and i'd say almost half of my clients didn't even want me to do anything...just wanted me to watch them jerk, or watch them peg themselves with strap-ons while I humiliated/talked them through it. I wish I ended up on a beach with fruity umbrella drinks, how sad.

                                                                                                              I do think that he would have tidied up a bit more though. idk. buuuut cam-whore....is my bet. I also bet there is AT LEAST 500$ worth of dildos in that box, and that's low-ballin'

                                                                                                              [–]samsterlicious 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                              gettin paid to watch people jerk off. that doesn't sound that bad

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                                                                                                                  [–]mamahamster 322 points323 points ago

                                                                                                                  Hmm wine, personal sodemy, and what I'm assuming to be shitty fingerprints on the light switch. All in all a pretty nice little place you've hit here.

                                                                                                                  [–]kittenknitten 67 points68 points ago

                                                                                                                  I can't tell if it poopy fingerprints or bloody fingerprints.

                                                                                                                  [–]7719 78 points79 points ago

                                                                                                                  I'm thinking poopy dildo prints

                                                                                                                  [–]monteb 44 points45 points ago

                                                                                                                  Now I have the strangest image in my head of someone always poking stuff with a wobbly poopy dildo.

                                                                                                                  [–]johnyutah 48 points49 points ago

                                                                                                                  Or throwing poopy dildos at light switches, tv, phone from his command center lawnchair.

                                                                                                                  [–]coeal1 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                                                  I don't think they had this sort of thing in mind when they created /r/shittybattlestations.

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                                                                                                                        [–]neightdog 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                                                        Why can't it be both?!

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                                                                                                                          [–]searingsky 80 points81 points ago

                                                                                                                          He's livin the life

                                                                                                                          [–]El_Cabronator 29 points30 points ago

                                                                                                                          The Omega Life.

                                                                                                                          [–]PatSayJack 172 points173 points ago

                                                                                                                          the omegle life

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                                                                                                                            [–]Beasty_Glanglemutton 37 points38 points ago

                                                                                                                            Don't touch anything.

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                                                                                                                              [–]Ye_Olde_Incarnate 99 points100 points ago

                                                                                                                              I like to think his place was spotless before the one final party that got him evicted

                                                                                                                              [–]srd178 41 points42 points ago

                                                                                                                              "I knew I shouldn't have invited those people from the valley I met at the gym."

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                                                                                                                                [–]meg22an 133 points134 points ago

                                                                                                                                "Funny, I always pictured Robert as a Chardonnay kind of guy"

                                                                                                                                [–]ShetlandJames 70 points71 points ago

                                                                                                                                Chardonnay

                                                                                                                                [–]DRICKE 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                                He's definitely crazy, everyone knows Sunset Blush is the best

                                                                                                                                [–]potato413 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                                I prefer the Chillable Red.

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                                                                                                                                  [–]Lillipout 222 points223 points ago

                                                                                                                                  Wine and dildos? Sounds like my kind of party.

                                                                                                                                  [–]Rapistsmurf 112 points113 points ago

                                                                                                                                  My wife said this very same thing to me just the other night.

                                                                                                                                  [–]I_CUM_LIMP 37 points38 points ago

                                                                                                                                  ugh...

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                                                                                                                                    [–]Jesus_Faction 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                                    Not just any wine, box wine!

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                                                                                                                                      [–]KLC1991 74 points75 points ago

                                                                                                                                      "Suck a box of dicks!"

                                                                                                                                      [–]DrBibby 28 points29 points ago

                                                                                                                                      How? I mean I'll do it, but do you want me to suck each one individually or..? The whole box at once? I'm just not sure about the logistics here.

                                                                                                                                      [–]Rangourthaman_ 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                                      Nice try, other account of Louis CK.

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                                                                                                                                          [–]gruntmon 73 points74 points ago

                                                                                                                                          Wow. I bet that guys ass whistles on a windy day.

                                                                                                                                          [–]buttnutela 51 points52 points ago

                                                                                                                                          probably sounds more like blowing into an empty beer bottle

                                                                                                                                          [–]gruntmon 68 points69 points ago

                                                                                                                                          So when he farts it sounds like a Didgeridoo?

                                                                                                                                          [–]trampus1 35 points36 points ago

                                                                                                                                          Poopoozela.

                                                                                                                                          [–]romerom 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                                                                          he has friends into the same shit, each with different size assholes. they can fart the star spangled banner

                                                                                                                                          [–]MNorthey71 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                                          He is the newest member of the Memphis Jug Band

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                                                                                                                                            [–]explainittomeplease 207 points208 points ago

                                                                                                                                            Wine and dildos, sure. Where's the wtf? Looks like heaven to- is that HOME PHONE LINE?? That monster!!!

                                                                                                                                            [–]boomboxdino 71 points72 points ago

                                                                                                                                            My dad recently got a landline after 8 years without one. So far, 100% of calls have been telemarketers. The reason we got rid of our landline in the first place: telemarketers.

                                                                                                                                            [–]sarahoninternet 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                                                                            We got a landline as part of a bundle, it made our cable and internet like 30 dollars cheaper. Personally, I would put the telemarketer estimate at closer to 70%, but still, that's much higher than the 0% I would prefer.

                                                                                                                                            [–]lacheur42 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                                                                            Unplug your phone?

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                                                                                                                                                [–]Garage_Dragon 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                                                                Hey Gallup! I just found another guy with a landline to poll!!!

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                                                                                                                                                  [–]jlbecks 123 points124 points ago

                                                                                                                                                  pretty sure it was this guy http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/upload/233553930645819197_8eFO8KTl_b.jpg

                                                                                                                                                  [–]noob_goldberg 29 points30 points ago

                                                                                                                                                  That's a nice lawn chair. How much do you think they want for it?

                                                                                                                                                  [–]InfiniteLiveZ 18 points19 points ago

                                                                                                                                                  That lawn chair has witnessed unspeakable things...

                                                                                                                                                  [–]Itza420 17 points18 points ago

                                                                                                                                                  Witnessed? Looks like it was the victim of them.

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                                                                                                                                                    [–]Jakabov 28 points29 points ago

                                                                                                                                                    Why does he have so many seemingly identical dildos?

                                                                                                                                                    [–]beltboxington 125 points126 points ago

                                                                                                                                                    Costco family pack?

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                                                                                                                                                      [–]smilles 54 points55 points ago

                                                                                                                                                      I heard, that motherfucker had like, 30 goddam dicks.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]GrrtW 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                                                                      He'll save children. But not the British children.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]ShakeItTilItPees 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                                                      I bet he's got two on the vine.

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                                                                                                                                                        [–]CoogleGhrome 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                                                                                        Where's the Gamecube?

                                                                                                                                                        [–]TurdFurgis0n 18 points19 points ago

                                                                                                                                                        Bro rape HQ

                                                                                                                                                        [–]barkbarkbark 152 points153 points ago

                                                                                                                                                        Ah, violentacrez' house.

                                                                                                                                                        [–]dekigo 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                                                                        http://i.imgur.com/FHNpA.gif

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                                                                                                                                                          [–]MarshMallowButtHole 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                                                                                          nice setup.

                                                                                                                                                          [–]brookz 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                                                                          sweet, free box of dongs

                                                                                                                                                          [–]Kylbsn 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                                                                                          Dildoes. Trust me, it's a word

                                                                                                                                                          [–]Nisas 30 points31 points ago

                                                                                                                                                          "I've never had to pluralize dildo before. I don't know if that's right. It looks like Dil Does. And I hope I never have to again. Like in a deposition or something. 'How many dildos were there?', 'I don't know, but I'm sore and I wanna go home.'" -Dimitri Martin

                                                                                                                                                          [–]Oogly50 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                                                          Why should I trust YOU?

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                                                                                                                                                            [–]circsmonky 29 points30 points ago

                                                                                                                                                            he gets himself drunk so he can sodemize himself?

                                                                                                                                                            [–]HawaiianBrian 50 points51 points ago

                                                                                                                                                            It's more romantic that way.

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                                                                                                                                                              [–]Dissentiate 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                                                                              I got a feeling this is only the tip of the.. uh.. nevermind...

                                                                                                                                                              [–]spartann17 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                                                              I don't know about the rest of you, but i honestly cannot wait to go home tonight and drink a box of franzia and sort through my dildo box and pick out which one i wanna fuck myself with tonight.

                                                                                                                                                              [–]bargle0 45 points46 points ago

                                                                                                                                                              Wine and Dildos.

                                                                                                                                                              Now I've got a name for my band!

                                                                                                                                                              [–]13yearsand4months 22 points23 points ago

                                                                                                                                                              wineanddildos.tumblr.com

                                                                                                                                                              [–]rich97 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                                                                              DAMN IT! I wanted that to be real...

                                                                                                                                                              [–]13yearsand4months 23 points24 points ago

                                                                                                                                                              Relevant XKCD

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                                                                                                                                                                [–]darkly39r 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                Who the hell needs that many dildos. Like seriously.

                                                                                                                                                                [–]Dr_Devious 23 points24 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                Maybe he is a dildologist, and those are a part of a very serious longitudinal case study? Or perhaps a peer review case.

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                                                                                                                                                                  [–]Agent_Zippy 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Get out of my house.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]Jazmariah 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Box of dilldos AND Boxes of wine. Ladies and gentlemen we are dealing with a Classy Fuck.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]tingalor 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  That's probably still only like $40 worth of Franzia.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]CHAAAZZZZ 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  I bet that towel on the lawn chair is super crusty

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]backlit_silhouette 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  The Franzia makes this totally gay.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]mrstrictmachine 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Imagine how much more beautiful this would be with an Instagram filter.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]I_been_had_reddit 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Phew. For a second there I thought I was weird.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]DNAsly 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Maybe the amish had a point... with the shunning and all.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]cementpizza 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  I wonder what WoW guild he runs.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]jccgrad 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Picture of the tenant

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]powercow 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Yeah this is sick, you can get much better chairs than that and for cheap. what is that a lawn chair from the 70s. My god I didnt know people still lived like that.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]westcoastjo 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  suddenly my own problems don't seem so bad. Thanks!

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]bowsersdick 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Box wine enemas are the IN thing in the USA right now.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]saekla 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                  Butt chuggin'!

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                                                                                                                                                                    [–]riteonfukenkaren 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    awww, there's the phone he used to call me <3<3<3

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]aleeds1211 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    mmm fecal light switch, always fun

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]Mickeymousears 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    many people save their wine corks... i guess the box would be the equivalent. Box of cox, not so sure

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]MartinDelgado 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    "Dildos and boxed wine", it writes itself. It sounds like a comeback single for Merl Haggard.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]gotenks1114 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    This is a man with his priorities straight.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]UndeadGringo 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    That's aloooooooooooot of dildoes.

                                                                                                                                                                    [–]Inoimispel 30 points31 points ago

                                                                                                                                                                    I'm trying to picture a very long Alot made of dildos.

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