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top 200 commentsshow all 313

[–]Cralof 363 points364 points ago

is that.. a wank tent?

[–]REDDITvTIDDER 222 points223 points ago

With the Wank Tent, PUBLIC MASTERBATION IS NOW A+ OK

ORDER IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES AND YOU CAN GET TWO WANK TENTS AND WE WILL THROW IN A GARDEN GNOME.

[–]scoyne15 72 points73 points ago

I really, really don't want to know how a garden gnome is used sexually.

[–]chaos92287 131 points132 points ago

[–]scoyne15 221 points222 points ago

First one is pretty much what I expected. Second one filled me with horror before I saw the dwarf with the rounded cap next to her. I realized that no, she had not squatted over and subsequently inserted a pointed lawn gnome cap into her lady parts, but instead was just squatting over a dwarf. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then realized that an image of a woman squatting over a dwarf was causing me to breathe a sigh of relief, and I felt very sad about my life choices that led me to this point.

[–]ComplainsAboutDvotes 58 points59 points ago

...I still haven't gotten below the boobs yet.

[–]scoyne15 22 points23 points ago

That's fair. They are quite nice.

[–]Barbarus623 13 points14 points ago

Surprisingly, actually. The quality of that picture is stunning.

[–]malfilatre 2 points3 points ago

Vit must have a really nice camera.

[–]ashabanapal 16 points17 points ago

Yeah, these aren't some mamby-pamby lawn gnomes. These are parking lot dwarves. They're from the street. They're hard and dangerous. Way sexier.

[–]axowlll 4 points5 points ago

that's reddit for you..

[–]CochMaestro 14 points15 points ago

[–]trav268 38 points39 points ago

[–]scoyne15 25 points26 points ago

...I'll allow it.

[–]SleeteWayne 8 points9 points ago

I'll... fap to it.

[–]mackinoncougars 2 points3 points ago

Is that you in the photo?

[–]DuchySleeps 8 points9 points ago

My girlfriend in her infinite wisdom of dirty talk called my penis a garden gnome in the middle of the act. We both had to pause and laugh at the hilarity of the situation.

[–]szm13 97 points98 points ago

No...its a fap cap.

[–]Creedelback 155 points156 points ago

No... it's a peepee teepee.

[–]jonelson80 73 points74 points ago

No, it's a whack bivouac

[–]CondimentCriminal 83 points84 points ago

No... it's a wedding tackle tabernacle.

[–]jonelson80 85 points86 points ago

No, it's a jack shack.

[–]ZeeHypnotist 65 points66 points ago

No, it's a beat sheet.

[–]blackdutch 78 points79 points ago

No, it's a splooge refuge.

[–]jonelson80 82 points83 points ago

No, it's a woody hoodie.

[–]lexypher 24 points25 points ago

No, it's a penile pavilion.

[–]ihabtom 10 points11 points ago

There was a lot of win here today. Thanks gents.

[–]jonelson80 13 points14 points ago

No, it's a junk trunk.

[–]jonelson80 27 points28 points ago

No, it's a jerk yurt.

[–]russell_m 25 points26 points ago

No, it's a wank tank.

[–]jonelson80 35 points36 points ago

No, it's a jizzum prison.

[–]raging_asshole 23 points24 points ago

If it is, doesn't making it transparent kind of fucking defeat the purpose?

[–]realaudiogasm 30 points31 points ago

Transparent or not, it will be pretty obvious what you're doing with one hand inside of a crotch tent.

[–]scoobysam 22 points23 points ago

I think a 'Wank Wigwam'... has a better sound to it

[–]right_guard_7299 31 points32 points ago

Who needs a cumbox anymore?

[–]jimitonic 5 points6 points ago

If I'm to believe that photo, it's for jerking off in Barnes and Noble?

[–]Ekori 4 points5 points ago

The Tug It Teepee.

[–]0takuSharkGuy 1 point2 points ago

HI BILLY MAYS HERE! WITH, THE WANK TENT!

[–]im_the_guy_who_sucks 3 points4 points ago

A teepee for your peepee.

[–]LadyofDecay 222 points223 points ago

I'm more concerned that he seems to be wearing a 12 year old boy's clothes.

[–]QWOPtain 74 points75 points ago

Seriously. What the fuck is with those shorts

[–]wil 71 points72 points ago

He's a nevernude.

[–]steve-d 35 points36 points ago

There are dozens of us! Dozens!

[–]QWOPtain 11 points12 points ago

I blue myself!

[–]NO_TOUCHING__lol 4 points5 points ago

You should be a guest star on Arrested Development, you'd be fucking awesome.

[–]wil 22 points23 points ago

Yeah that would pretty much make my year.

[–]NO_TOUCHING__lol 2 points3 points ago

Your meema would be so proud.

[–]Wheelchairdawg 37 points38 points ago

Must be a Gator fan.

[–]souldonkey 4 points5 points ago

Got that right.

[–]vyllex 3 points4 points ago

Agreed. They should be on the floor. And that tent should be gone.

[–]Helveticatronic 30 points31 points ago

Wait, you don't put on cut-off jeans and an extra small military sleeveless shirt to jerk off?

[–]girlwhodidyourhair 15 points16 points ago

Gay stereotype. He's dressed as a gay stereotype.

[–]falurian 6 points7 points ago

I was thinking a 12 year old girl's clothes...

[–]Chazzbo 66 points67 points ago

I don't even... you... if... you can still see his junk. ಠ_ಠ

[–]WeirdIdeasCO 12 points13 points ago

I zoomed in to check...you are right.

[–]Barbarus623 15 points16 points ago

For a few bucks extra, you can get the incognito edition.

Faptent Plus™

[–]Ben_Dover_Son 141 points142 points ago

"Oh, you have some kind of tent covering your dick with your hand in it? Well that's perfectly normal!"

[–]Thybro 68 points69 points ago

On meth it is!

[–]do7com 52 points53 points ago

YEA BITCH! DICK TENTS!

[–]chillaxinJ 5 points6 points ago

SCIENCE BITCH!

[–]walshy420 4 points5 points ago

it is here.

[–]walshy420 133 points134 points ago

hm. so you can literally pitch a tent.

[–]DaddyDanceParty 5 points6 points ago

Well I assume it would be pretty hard to pitch one with those shot jorts on.

[–]CarMatRoll 82 points83 points ago

Quick image search to find out if this is real, this is first result:

http://i.imgur.com/d34rL.jpg

Edit: Here is the source http://nchaffin.tumblr.com/post/22396011020/portable-masturbatoriums-collaboration-with-my

[–]weezrsucks 61 points62 points ago

30 year old son who lives at home - mom kept walkin in on him roughin up his suspect, so they sat down and brainstormed a solution. Now, they're millionaires

[–]F-That 32 points33 points ago

they sold 2

[–]shitmyspacebar 68 points69 points ago

Make that 3

[–]onyeasy 25 points26 points ago

For 600k each

[–]jaedalus 10 points11 points ago

In WHAT WAY does this solve the problem?!

[–]weezrsucks 74 points75 points ago

i have to stop thinking about this. Picture this : The guy and his mom are sitting on either ends of the kitchen table with a nice big dinner ready for eatin! The son's one hand has a fork, and the other is in the tent, and he's just wailing on his schlong. jerkin it like theirs a full blown audience cheering him on. However, they're both carrying on a perfectly normal dinner conversation, asking about each others days and such. Mid conversation he stops, and gasps at as sweet release is achieved, and he takes his hand out of the tent and continues on with the conversation. The End

So as long as its made noise-reduction material and machine washable, it still doesnt make any fuckin sense.

[–]ArcticFox147 4 points5 points ago

Just take the upvotes, all the upvotes..

[–]Zelarius 3 points4 points ago

She can more easily avoid seeing his erect penis?

[–]Beachcoma 6 points7 points ago

roughin up his suspect

I have never heard this euphemism for masturbation before. I like it and will start using it.

[–]Sentenced[S] 118 points119 points ago

MASTURBATORIUM?! That's how i'm naming my room from now.

[–]Siouxsie871 18 points19 points ago

[–]ashabanapal 2 points3 points ago

Thanks, I know what I'm doing for the next hour 27. Masturbatory/orium TBD.

[–]Barbarus623 4 points5 points ago

I prefer FAPTENT™

[–]do7com 2 points3 points ago

I prefer my Masturbatory.

[–]Oxxide 23 points24 points ago

WHAT THE FUCK

[–]yuze_ 13 points14 points ago

Liberal arts.

[–]Criks 7 points8 points ago

Modern Liberal Arts.

Handmade.

[–]Ninjatree 6 points7 points ago

Imagine how much people would have payed for Michelangelo's juice in an auction... His yogurt on canvas would have cured cancer.

[–]Coes 24 points25 points ago

Well, he had an arm injury, so he asked his mom to help out.

[–]dracunculus 10 points11 points ago

Oh god. Why did you have to remind me

[–]timemoose 2 points3 points ago

I don't get this reference. Captain me please.

[–]Coes 4 points5 points ago

AMA by a guy who had a sexual relation with his mom. Started by her helping him out masturbating when he had an arm injury.

[–]souldonkey 4 points5 points ago

You don't want to get this reference...

Whelp, fuck. Now I've remembered it and that awkward ass boner is back.

Edit: in before relevant xkcd "ass boner to ass-boner" comic is posted.

[–]phanfare 6 points7 points ago

Now imagine that the original picture is him and his mom took the picture \cringe

[–]AOEUD 56 points57 points ago

A penis shield

Why would it be transparent?

This makes little sense.

[–]trampus1 12 points13 points ago

Because anyone who would consider owning one of these is clearly a complete fucking weirdo who wants people to see. This just makes them have to get closer I guess.

[–]guinness_blaine 4 points5 points ago

After entirely too much consideration, I figure that its main purpose is not keeping people from seeing - it would be pretty obvious what's going on. Instead, it seems like the idea is to reduce cleanup. Everything shoots inside the tent.

[–]bangonthedrums 8 points9 points ago

Actually, I think it's a mosquito net for outdoors fapping

[–]FeatherLeaves 96 points97 points ago

I have that same water bottle. I left it on a windowsill overnight when the window was open once. Now it sits crooked. =(

[–]UpvotesFreely 60 points61 points ago

Seriously? that's what you comment on? The water bottle?

[–]iLuVtiffany 82 points83 points ago

What else is there to comment on? That lovely tent over th... OH DEAR GOD!

[–]teasnorter 8 points9 points ago

It's a metaphor for his crooked dick.

[–]FeatherLeaves 5 points6 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/RUr7W.jpg It froze and the bottom bulged =( Still best water bottle.

[–]trampus1 5 points6 points ago

That bottle looks to be about the same size as the guys dick. I'll bet he's tried.

[–]DrPartyShark 29 points30 points ago

I'm pretty sure this is meant to keep the duvet off your cock when you're watching gentlemens' television on your phone in bed. Saves holding it up with your elbow. This would probably be quite conspicuous in public; when you're usually better off flipping your bone up into your waistband.

Source: Been looking for a device like this to party with my shark.

[–]KungFuHamster 2 points3 points ago

To keep your meat unencumbered, and yet still catch your ejaculate before it gets all over everything. Makes sense to me.

[–]k3ris 15 points16 points ago

Whaa... w-why... I don't even... when would you ever need this?

[–]Sentenced[S] 44 points45 points ago

Dude, meetings at work are so boring sometimes.

[–]enolan211 5 points6 points ago

So when you are pitching a tent you can pitch a tent with some extra space

[–]InsufferableTwat 40 points41 points ago

so this is to keep the flies off your dick when you're pulling the pope's cap off? Some observations:

  1. If it's a hot day at an understaffed morgue, and the flies are troublesome, why not take your business elsewhere?

  2. Put your whole self into a mosquito net. Take your book in with you.

  3. This device will not allow you to operate covertly. It will simply result in you getting a very slightly different nickname.

[–]micahshell 3 points4 points ago

Maybe he's in Africa and those are anti-malaria nets?

[–]Travanoid 8 points9 points ago

I think the most alarming part is the semi transparency of the masturbatorium. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?

[–]CypherKenni 6 points7 points ago

Its called a masturbatorium, losers.

[–]SnapMcCracklin 7 points8 points ago

have you ever needed to masturbate in the middle of a sandstorm? CALL NOW!

[–]magnetpl 2 points3 points ago

actually, yes. yes i have been in that predicament.

[–]magnetpl 7 points8 points ago

i... i think i want to live in a world where it's alright to fap in public as long as you have that tent.

[–]Zermerus 6 points7 points ago

Dick in a bo--tent?

[–]swordinthesound 2 points3 points ago

One: cut a hole in a box, er, tent.

[–]jwaldo 3 points4 points ago

It also keeps your penis sharp with its pyramid magic!

[–]phreshphruit 3 points4 points ago

How would one go about keeping the inside of this clean?

[–]kaiyotic 2 points3 points ago

i'm asuming you can just wash the fabric with normal clothes.

[–]cuddlimaus 10 points11 points ago

well now we know where to go to find Big Chief Standing Dick.

[–]truthjusticeUSAway 6 points7 points ago

There should be a zipper on the hole so it can double as a cock mosquito tent.

[–]CapnCadavers 9 points10 points ago

He's reading "50 Shades of Gay"

[–]keeperofthetrees 0 points1 point ago

What the hell kind of shirt is he wearing?

[–]old_fox 2 points3 points ago

It keeps rain off your junk and stuff, but the real benefit is that it's discreet!

[–]FaultyBasil 3 points4 points ago

Has the meaning of 'pitching a tent' suddenly been redefined?

[–]Squalor- 1 point2 points ago

Maybe when he's masturbating in public, he just wants a little privacy.

[–]HellFire72 0 points1 point ago

He must be reading 50 Shades of Grey.

[–]Thereminz 1 point2 points ago

Penis pyramid... Teeny peepee teepee... Wang wigwam

[–]WolfOnHigh 1 point2 points ago

For those times when you just have to tug it...the Penis Pup Tent, coming soon to a Wal Mart near you, for only 19.99!

[–]Beautifuldays 2 points3 points ago

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!

[–]WolfOnHigh 5 points6 points ago

And it is shipped in a plain brown wrapper that doesn't say Penis Pup Tent on it!

[–]IVIOOBS 0 points1 point ago

He erected that tent. Woah!

[–]BigWigggly 1 point2 points ago

I mean..if you're the kind of guy who wanks under the blankets and shares a roommate but doesn't want the blanket to touch?

[–]cdin0303 1 point2 points ago

mosquito netting is important while masturbating in public

[–]Warkitz 1 point2 points ago

As someone who has been bitten on his cock by a mosquito whilst masturbating, I approve.

[–]2ndaccount6969 1 point2 points ago

I enjoy the premise of this device. As if there was a situation where masturbating would be acceptable, but masturbating with your dick visible wouldn't be.

[–]DollarsThanSense 0 points1 point ago

It helps sharpen his penis.

[–]sPOKoOne 0 points1 point ago

Or writing a paper

[–]Antici_pation 0 points1 point ago

This brings a whole new meaning to the song 'Wig Wam Bam'

[–]dedinthewater 1 point2 points ago

Finally something I can use when I'm watching mothers breast feed in public!

[–]baileyjbarnes 0 points1 point ago

Does anyone else notice that you can see everything inside the wank tent?

[–]VidenTheColdOne 0 points1 point ago

i've heard of a pop tent, guess this is a "pop a boner" tent. Get it? Get it?

[–]aaronschool2 0 points1 point ago

What the hell is this guy wearing?

[–]Squeezymo 0 points1 point ago

How does this in any way help when you're reading a book???

[–]Nyrb 0 points1 point ago

Why... Why is that a thing? There is litterally no scenerio where its apropriate to use that.

[–]webrunner42 0 points1 point ago

D4? More like.. DICK 4.

[–]Armed_To_The_Teets 0 points1 point ago

That no-see-um mesh is can-see-um mesh in this situation

[–]baconrocket 0 points1 point ago

Thank God. I'm tired of all of the mosquito bites I get on my cock when fapping in the jungle.

[–]Marswhalbaconattor 0 points1 point ago

OMG, a fapping teepee!

[–]Hitlur 0 points1 point ago

Bone cone

[–]thiscouldbemassive 0 points1 point ago

The only purpose I can see for this device is if you are afraid you might accidentally glimpse your own penis while wanking. It kind of reminds me of my first apartment. The previous tenant had painted the glass doors of the shower so that when you closed it, the shower became almost pitch dark. Naked bodies are sinful ... or something.

[–]cranberry_sauce 0 points1 point ago

yes but where can I get his tshirt?

[–]olygimp 0 points1 point ago

This explains alot about my plane ride home from Paris last week.

[–]bajanga1 0 points1 point ago

I've been waiting for the new 2013 models to come out. They have a built in Worm Light!

[–]MsDovahkiin -1 points0 points ago

OhGod, I did not see the NSFW tag. Now I'm the weird girl who looks at porn in class.

[–]GFandango 0 points1 point ago

Good luck putting that penis tent away when someone is about to walk in

[–]beeboprobot 0 points1 point ago

What the fuck is that guy wearing?

[–]Rubberduckie198 -1 points0 points ago

That... That is see through fabric.... I saw penis... O.o

[–]ravelle 1 point2 points ago

I feel now obligated to buy my penis a War bonnet.

[–]BowelDisruptors 0 points1 point ago

Have a tepee for your peepee.

[–]Delacrz5 0 points1 point ago

This is how the people of third world countries fap.

[–]iamcq 0 points1 point ago

I'm not sure I understand the purpose of this device. Is this so ppl can masturbate in public without anyone seeing ur junk? Cuz if so, this belongs on r/wtf

[–]Barbarus623 1 point2 points ago

All of my comments in this thread sound like I'm trying to sell this product to people.

Faptent™

[–]Criks 0 points1 point ago

The only barely legit reason would be if it's cold, and you want your hand and dick/balls to stay warm while jacking it.

To be fair, fapping when hand and dick is cold isn't fun.

[–]JAlexander32 0 points1 point ago

And wft is up with those shorts?!

[–]Zetch88 0 points1 point ago

NSFW, really?

[–]MisterBakerton 0 points1 point ago

I'd call it a wig-wank.

[–]woodyscissors 0 points1 point ago

Was he reading 50 shades of gray?

[–]TheTwist 0 points1 point ago

This post is literally right on top of this one. Perfection.

[–]Hail_Aqualung 0 points1 point ago

But does it work for lefties?

[–]hebrewharry 0 points1 point ago

Hey, I'm vote no! But come on people, a 50 shades or grey joke? That's a hard one

[–]kzoodude88 0 points1 point ago

That dude's dick is still showing...

[–]CorneyDK 0 points1 point ago

Is that... The new Captcha?

[–]Jakeonthemoon 0 points1 point ago

Looks like he's... pitching a tent? :D

[–]Bikenutt 1 point2 points ago

Whats worse this stupid invention or the way the guy using it is dressed. This is complete fail.

[–]hellotheir 0 points1 point ago

I hope these catch on as well as the horse masks did. I am awaiting gifs of dudes running around wearing only these.

[–]TimDave 1 point2 points ago

"If you'll please excuse me, I have to... pitch a tent."

[–]Trev0r92 1 point2 points ago

They should sell these with copies of 50 shades of gray.

[–]Entity101 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure the tent is not ment to hide the masturbating going on just prevent you from making a mess all over your book when you finish.

[–]franick1987 0 points1 point ago

Lacks subtlety.

[–]ThisIsTucker 0 points1 point ago

Now you can pitch INTO a tent

[–]cLinC -1 points0 points ago

50 shades of GAY.

[–]bradders1234 0 points1 point ago

perhaps its 50 shades of grey.

[–]golfer_ninja 0 points1 point ago

Who honestly has a dick that large. >:\

I'm not even insecure, I like my penis size, but really? That's like a pygmy baseball bat.

[–]cheezit_the_feds 0 points1 point ago

In my day we just used a sock.

[–]Kevinsimps 0 points1 point ago

I curiously zoomed in and regret it. There's actually a penis there...

[–]Momordicas 0 points1 point ago

Cums with one copy of 50 shades of grey.

[–]Notloc24 0 points1 point ago

A whole new meaning to pitching a tent

[–]Reaper505 1 point2 points ago

The only practical use I see for this is if you're out camping and you dont want mosquitos on your dick

[–]lobstilops 1 point2 points ago

Even more. He's masturbating whilst reading. 50 Shades of Gay?

[–]zahlenz 0 points1 point ago

especially when you're reading a book...lol

[–]crazyjimmy -1 points0 points ago

Because being caught with a tent on your dick is less humiliating than being caught having a good honest wank

[–]Mikulak25 0 points1 point ago

After many uses: Cumbox v2.0

[–]R69L 1 point2 points ago

How many of you clicked the pictured to zoom in JUST to see his penis better...Hmmm, come on admit it.

[–]Franco_DeMayo 0 points1 point ago

"I am Cornholio!!! I require teepee for my peepee!!!!"

[–]LoriStrode 0 points1 point ago

Right because no one will know what you're doing with this tent on your crotch. Pants undone, tent rocking, arm shaking away! Yeah everything's normal here.

[–]WormSmurf 0 points1 point ago

Dat camo shirt...