this post was submitted on
2,300 points (52% like it)
26,046 up votes 23,746 down votes

funny

subscribe2,710,759 readers

9,642 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]imariaprime 689 points690 points ago

Honestly, I'm just happy other people rage out about laundry interruptions as much as I do. And how dumb do you have to be to pull this kind of shit? You can't "dry and run"; your crap WILL be left in there to be found by your victim.

I kept finding my stuff on top of the dryer in the building I used to live in, but at first I assumed I was taking too long after it finished to take it out. Sucks, but that'd make it my fault, so no foul. So I kept going down earlier and earlier, but still it was taken out. Finally, I went down 5 minutes before it was supposed to be done (as I probably should have been doing in the first place), to find a woman taking my stuff out with time still on the machine. I told her that if I came down and saw my stuff on top of a machine BEFORE it was done running again, I was keeping whatever was in MY dryer.

She tried to report me to the building management. They chewed her out for her trouble.

[–]dylansan 370 points371 points ago

She tried to report me to the building management.

What the hell was she expecting?

[–]imariaprime 348 points349 points ago

To have her sense of entitlement backed up by authority? She was arrogant enough to continuously decide her time and clothing was more valuable than mine... in a way, I'm at least satisfied that she acted consistently.

[–]MamaGrr 99 points100 points ago

For some reason I picture her with curlers in her hair, wearing a muumuu.

[–]rawbamatic 7 points8 points ago

That is a satisfying image.

[–]bright_bright 9 points10 points ago

I had a similar image of a drab looking redneck with root rot.

[–]ThunderPoonSlayer 4 points5 points ago

Carrying a rolling pin for some unknown reason.

[–]spottydodgy 948 points949 points ago

This same thing used to happen to me in the college dorms. Many times I found my clothes soaking wet on top of the dryer with someones clothes inside. I couldn't believe someone could be so selfish. I left a note expressing my feelings about the situation but never knew who it was. So when it happened again I opened the door, peed into the dryer, closed it and let it finish its cycle. Never happened again.

[–]catjuggler 1029 points1030 points ago

I left a note

At this point, it sounds like you're a pushover. But then...

peed into the dryer

yessssss

[–]thebeattakesme 131 points132 points ago

do something reasonable and somewhat passive first before glorious revenge. i like it.

[–]theodrixx 103 points104 points ago

That's probably the best way to handle it. Give them a chance, not necessarily for the sake of giving them a chance, but to make them regret.

"I shoulda stopped after the note. Now there is pee on my clothes."

[–]sam_hammich 79 points80 points ago

My train of thought exactly.

[–]zeppelin0110 76 points77 points ago

Your stream of thought, perhaps?

[–]ninja_at_law 146 points147 points ago

that went from sensitive to crazy fast. are you my ex girlfriend?

[–]bulletinboardbackup 146 points147 points ago

peed into the dryer

Chances are spottydodgy is a dude.

[–]SpacemanCraig 49 points50 points ago

I hope not. Because that would be a sight to see.

[–]arjeezyboom 185 points186 points ago

[–]stferago 75 points76 points ago

I'm not sure what I expected.

[–]AquaticRes 46 points47 points ago

I'll tell you what I wasn't expecting. The concertina.

[–]Nightshade1105 42 points43 points ago

That does it. There's officially an appropriate picture for everything.

[–]VajayjayLeno 8 points9 points ago

Welp. I demand a source for this because I can't even conceive why this picture would exist.

[–]pitchblack2035 238 points239 points ago

Gooood, goooood.... let the urine flow through you...

[–]kyleyankan 73 points74 points ago

No reason to get pissed off

[–]shaggy1265 41 points42 points ago

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

[–]Humble_harpdarp 66 points67 points ago

Imagine how awkward it'd be if someone walked in while you were peeing. That'd be hard to explain.

[–]Bethurz 76 points77 points ago

I dunno, If I walked in on that and they just explained it with "some cunt took my wet clothes out the dryer and put theirs in", I'd tell them to carry on.

[–]grammar_soviet 62 points63 points ago

Act blind...

"I could have sworn this was the men's restroom..."

Then stumble for the door with your hands held out.

[–]Im-in-dublin 13 points14 points ago

But don't put your dick away

[–]bigpresh 33 points34 points ago

I opened the door, peed into the dryer, closed it and let it finish its cycle.

And justice was served. Kudos.

[–]redgroupclan 25 points26 points ago

From this thread, I have learned that when I get into a dorm I'm apparently going to have to sit by the laundry machines on guard duty playing a game while I wait for my clothes to finish.

[–]_kvl_ 1056 points1057 points ago

This happened to me only once. I threw my stuff into the dryer, and then went back to my dorm room to grab one of those anti-static sheet things you throw in to also make the stuff smell like spring mist or whatever. By the time i came back down i actually caught the tail end of someone pulling out my clothes and throwing theirs in. So i just walked up to the guy and asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing. He stammered a bit, and tried to just walk out, but i kept berating him and followed him back to his dorm room calling him an asshole. As soon as i knew what room he was in i reported him to his RA, and he got a second warning which meant any third incident would get him kicked out of the dorm. He apparently got his 3rd strike and the boot from the dorms less than a week later.

Edit time: Alright, i'm gonna clear up some things for people. I was away from the machine for maybe 5 minutes tops, and i started the dryer cycle before i left. So it was running, i didn't just leave my wet clothes in a dryer. I just really wanted a misty morning scented static sheet and realized i had forgotten them in my room. Also, this was in a laundry room with probably twenty or more of each washers and dryers with plenty empty, so it was clear he wasn't taking my machine because there were none available.

[–]crashcrashbenjamin 400 points401 points ago

I had this exact thing happen to me. My machine was paid and there were several other empty machines available. The exchange was basically:

Me: Why are you taking my clothes out of the drier?

Other Resident: I thought they were dry.

Me: Do they feel dry to you?

Other Resident: No.

Me: Then what made you think they were dry?

Other Resident: Uh, I don't know, I guess it was dumb.

Me: Yeah, that's pretty stupid. looks upon empty room of empty machines. I guess you'll have to wait for a machine to free-up.

[–][deleted] 137 points138 points ago

I hate people who lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence of their "crime". What pathetic losers.

[–]arisefairmoon 77 points78 points ago

All of my students. I can't handle it. I teach band, so there's a pretty strict "no eating or drinking during class" rule in place, for obvious reasons. Today a kid unwrapped a candy bar during class, I told him to put it away because we were about to play, and he did, but I knew he'd try to sneak eat it later. I saw him about five minutes later, asked him what he was doing, and he said "I didn't eat it!" With his mouth full. There was something in his mouth and he tried to tell me he wasn't eating anything.

What the hell.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

Don't you have the authority to kick them out of the class for repeatedly violating the rule? At the very least I would be embarrassing him by standing there making him repeat with his mouth full that he did NOT eat anything. Whilst his classmates laughed at him. Then I would demote him to the triangle.

[–]arisefairmoon 26 points27 points ago

No, they're terrible and the kids all thought it was hilarious that he was lying to my face.

And I can't kick him out of class because our school is one year away from being taken over by the state because the kids can't pass the tests... probably because they're little shits and spend all their time in the office or ISS.

[–]krp31489 968 points969 points ago

I've been out of college a few years and have my own apartment and have found the exact opposite has happened to me, I've left laundry in the dryer after it's done and people have folded my clothes and placed them on top of the dryer, one time they put them in my basket folded. Either I have the nicest people in my building or people grow up after college, or I have a serial folder.

[–]hunglow13 153 points154 points ago

I'm betting my money on the last one :D

[–]FishBonePendant 172 points173 points ago

Johnson we've gotten some reports on you folding laundry for other people in violation of your parole. Is this true?

Man your shirt is wrinkled...

reaches for gun Jonhson... calm down Jonhson!

[–]PhytOxRiKER 15 points16 points ago

Johnson stop this madness! Just drop the lint roller and put your hands behind your head.

Your *twitch* shirt is wr-wr-wrinkled *twitch*

Johnson...what are you -- step back Johnson!! Don't make me shoot you goddamnit! *trips while walking backwards* ...No..No!. NOOO!!

*Proceeds to fold the officer's shirt with him still in it, crushing his body completely*

[–]deadplay 12 points13 points ago

That got dark quite quickly.

[–]BlueNoyb 126 points127 points ago

People will move laundry out of the machine at my building but not mid-cycle, and I don't mind. If someone's left there stuff in a machine and the machine's not running, I will movie it and expect and accept if they do the same to mine.

I was actually taking someone else's still wet clothes out of the dryer (after the cycle ended!) last week and he showed up. There were apologies on both sides then we proceeded to have one of those polite arguments over who was going to dry their clothes, each of us insisting the other go first. I won by just leaving. And then I had to slink back and shamefacedly grab my keys.

[–]ExistentLOList 323 points324 points ago

Inb4 Canadian.

[–]09456790478 115 points116 points ago

not all canadian residents are nice, some asshole leaves his pocket trash in the elevator every night

[–]FancySack 252 points253 points ago

This is considered the 7th most heinous crime in Canada.

[–]theeredtelephone 20 points21 points ago

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories... CHING CHING

[–]I_live_in_a_trashcan 13 points14 points ago

In the criminal justice system, littering based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Canada, the dedicated mounties who investigate these vicious crimes are members of an elite poutine squad known as the Special Mounties Unit. These are their stories... EH? EH?

[–]smashoomph 11 points12 points ago

I live in Canada and no one in my building cleans the lint trap when they're done.

[–]TheBigRedSD4 10 points11 points ago

I've considered folding other folk's clothes.. but then I fear that the person will walk back in, and I'll be folding a pair of their underwear, looking like a super fucking creeper. It's way more explainable if I just have a wad of clothes in my hands and I'm placing them on top of the dryer.

[–]Thisnameisverydumb 11 points12 points ago

Yeah I've had someone need to use a washer I guess and I didn't get to my things in time and they put my stuff in the dryer. I was a little freaked out That someone had touched my thingys but at least they didn't leave them there soaked... I did find an extra thong that wasn't mine however... hopefully it was left in the washer and I didn't notice..or maybe it was a warning of some kind.

[–]YMCAle 25 points26 points ago

People out of college are less likely to want to skimp on $1 and steal someone else's dryer. Also folding laundry is fun.

[–]confuseray 28 points29 points ago

HA next you'll tell me ironing is fun.

[–]Morthern 92 points93 points ago

It is if you got one of those with the steam button, you can lift it off the ironing board and push the button, you are a dragon!

[–]anosmic_runner 6 points7 points ago

I am sad that I can give but one upvote to the iron dragon.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]666pool 56 points57 points ago

I would frequently remove clothes that had been "abandoned" in the dryer and put them on top of the dryer. I would always wipe off the top of the dryer first, as to not get the clothes dirty. I don't see how the clothes sitting on top of the dryer getting wrinkled is any different from sitting inside the dryer getting wrinkled, except I'm now free to dry my clothes.

I never folded anything, nor did I feel compelled to.

[–]NeonCookies 60 points61 points ago

I honestly would rather people do this. Strangers folding my laundry feels a little creepy to me.

[–]SwearsHesNotCreepy 14 points15 points ago

Folding laundry is calming.

Who doesn't like the soft caress of a warm stranger's t-shirt?

[–]flipapeno 46 points47 points ago

You know, I'm even okay with people dumping my dry clothes on the dryer, without folding, so long as it's dry. The first time the folding thing happened to me, I'd already been in the Army for 5 years. It was weird.

[–]clandetinej 28 points29 points ago

I'm very okay for them to remove my dry clothes and deposit them in a dump. It was rude of me to occupy a needed dryer.

[–]dukec 24 points25 points ago

As long as your clothes are dry and they don't dump them somewhere dirty, I'm totally fine with it. Honestly I'd find it a bit creepy to have some stranger going through all my clothes and folding them.

[–]asherrd 9 points10 points ago

I don't mind people dumping dry clothes on top of the dryer. They are just sitting in the dryer all piled together anyways. If I come down and all the dryers are full, but there is one or more that are finished drying, I can do one of 3 things.

  1. Wait for the person to come get their laundry so you can move yours in. You may end up waiting a while and even miss your turn. Verdict: bad for person waiting to dry (have to wait and constantly keep checking), neutral for person already in dryer.

  2. Fold the persons laundry for them. I barely fold my own laundry so I'm not folding someone elses. Verdict: Extra hassle for person waiting for laundry, less hassle for the person whos laundry is already dry. That person with the already dried laundry may also be a huge asshole, depending on how long they decided to leave their clothes in there. It's possible the dry cycle just ended, but much more often than not, I see clothes left in dryers for 30+ minutes, ranging up to over a day.

  3. Move their dry laundry on top of the dryer and move mine in to dry. Verdict: Very slight hassle for person waiting for laundry, neutral for person who left dry laundry in the dryer.

[–]TwatFace92 21 points22 points ago

I lived on the LGBT floor (not intentionally) my first year at Uni, and finding your clothes folded and nicely placed to the side was pretty standard. Other floors learnt of this and began to abuse this unheard of hospitality (most other floors were nothing short of OPs). It goes without saying that it did not last long, I guess they got fed up. My clothes were always wrinkly after they stopped because I'm a lazy bastard.

[–]syriquez 174 points175 points ago

I had something similar during my freshman year. Because I was willing to wait, I sat and studied at a table less than 10 feet away while doing my laundry.

About 3 weeks into the semester while I was doing my laundry, this guy came walking in and apparently didn't notice me, because he started looking at the timers on all of the washers and opted to stop mine (most time on it, I guess) and open the lid, ostensibly to steal the 75¢ wash cycle, though he didn't actually get it open more than a crack before I reacted. Took nearly all of my self control to just yell at the guy and not beat the fucking shit out of him for it.

He was kicked out of the college a week later for a different, yet related offense in that he had apparently been stealing girl's underwear over the first month (he came in with a load of laundry during the above incident, since I assume he probably wouldn't have been into my underwear, me being a guy and all)... I like to imagine my complaint about the incident led to him being caught and kicked out. What an idiot.

[–]_KnivesOut 89 points90 points ago

I always studied in the laundry room while doing my wash. The gentle hum of the machines, the fresh smell and lack of people made it a great place to read. Also, you can keep an eye on your clothing. Fuck those inconsiderate people.

[–]arbuthnot-lane 46 points47 points ago

It can be quite relaxing. For a while my washing machine was broken and I had to go to the laundromat in town.
Since I didn't trust my clothes to be safe alone I decided to get high and read a book.
Not ten minutes after, while pleasantly stoned and mostly happy 3 police officers walk in and start looking around.
Scared the shit out of me and my paranoia ran rampant.
I was cornered in a bloody laundromat and the cops were after me.

Luckily they were just there for clothes, and I found out I'm not made out for the thus life.

[–]kim05ab3 103 points104 points ago

I didn't choose the thus life, the thus life chose me.

[–]arbuthnot-lane 8 points9 points ago

Haha. I'm just going to let that stand as is :)

[–]rcinsf 187 points188 points ago

Assholes gonna asshole.

[–]TwistTurtle 129 points130 points ago

I got through three years of uni using shared laundry rooms without anything like the stories in this thread happening to me... I suppose that's what happens when you do your laundry at 2AM on a Monday night.

[–]doomgiver98 34 points35 points ago

That's what I do too! There's nobody there after midnight.

[–]casfacto 1603 points1604 points ago

This happened to me once.

I found my soaking cloths on top of the drier. 12 minutes left to go on the drying cycle. I put my clothes back in, and put theirs in the washer and started it. (thus effectively locking their clothes up for another 34 minute cycle). Some woman that didn't even live in my apartment showed up and asked to get the clothes out of the drier I was sitting on. I opened it to show her my clothes. I told her someone else put her clothes in the washer. She tried to say it was me, and then I pointed out that someone took mine out of the drier... She walked out without another word.

Once my clothes were dry I unplugged the washer with her clothes. I then put her wet clothes on the dirty floor and left. I feel like I won.

[–]dick_tracy1 313 points314 points ago

It's the small victories in life.

[–]MrFidel 81 points82 points ago

She needed her clothes dry fast.

You should have set them on fire.

[–]Neebat 12 points13 points ago

Sadly, they were wet, so they wouldn't burn. Throw them out in the street where it's sunny.

[–]LightningMaiden 14 points15 points ago

This is very thoughtful of you, they will smell fresh as well.

[–]i_m_fury 947 points948 points ago

I would have taken a shit on them as well. And maybe a pee. If she made me real angry, I'd kill her family, put it in chili and feed it to her.

[–]arbuthnot-lane 284 points285 points ago

There's a traditional Serbian insult that goes something like:

"I hope you one day recognise your children in a meat pie."

I guess you must have some Yugoslav in you.

[–]MrBokbagok 175 points176 points ago

The chili reference is from a South Park episode.

[–]kebo99 13 points14 points ago

The savagery of the Balkan Wars makes so much more sense to me now

[–]khanfusion 20 points21 points ago

I can't see Cartman ever using a laundromat. It's what poor people would do.

[–]Chubtoaster 62 points63 points ago

Amazing idea. as long as it isn't a crowded laundromat, take a shit in the dryer and put their clothes in with it. hahaha

[–]Jeff_E_Popp 143 points144 points ago

We had a dryer pooper in the dorm I lived in when I was an undergrad, this is way more heinous than you might think it is.

[–]phongjeezy 315 points316 points ago

As the ex owner of a laundromat, punish the people who remove your clothes, not the machine.

[–]Chubtoaster 114 points115 points ago

What I didn't think was that I'd ever hear the phrase "dryer pooper".

[–]Jeff_E_Popp 82 points83 points ago

We also had a shower pooper, and a towel bin pooper in our work out facility. Lots of serial poopers in Ohio.

[–]IHoldSteady 148 points149 points ago

I did it. I did all the poops.

[–]Dalimey100 38 points39 points ago

Everybody poops! Some just do it in dryers.

[–]yellowpride 47 points48 points ago

Until you realize that you fucked over the innocent laundromat owner by doing so...

[–]atroxodisse 67 points68 points ago

I fucking hate communal laundry facilities. When I finally could afford to live in a place that had washer and dryer in the units I moved the fuck out. People are such assholes. Just basic courtesy like coming down when your laundry is done so someone else can use them to someone literally throwing shit in the washers so that they couldn't be used until maintenance came to clean them(and even then would ever use those washers again knowing what happened in there?) Fuck everything about communal laundry. I had someone toss my clothes on the floor one time. They must have unplugged the washer to get it open because they don't open until they're done. I unplugged that fucker in revenge. No way does that stand.

[–]crlarkin 8 points9 points ago

I actually was the guy who forgot his laundry once and came down, the next day, to find it neatly folded on the counter. Since I've made it even more of a priority to be punctual and do the same for other people.

[–]hafton 45 points46 points ago

I got so sick of the hassle and all the inconsiderate bullshit in college that I stopped using the communal laundry. There was a laundromat not far away that took drop offs. I'd drop off before 9am and pick everything up at 5pm, clean and folded. Sure it cost 10 times more than the machines, but it relieved my life of so much stress. Worth every penny (around $20 each time).

[–]doomgiver98 79 points80 points ago

Just a warning, you don't want to mess with ass holes. Because they're, you know, ass holes.

[–]gnudarve 130 points131 points ago

True assholes only respond to fear and intimidation. The trick is to open with something so fucking whack that they think you are both crazier and more of an asshole then they are. That's when they GTFO.

[–]DrTorpedo 133 points134 points ago

I agree with this. That's why I always store a jar of peanut butter in my trousers near my buttocks. Whenever someone tries to start something with me I reach down my trousers, scoop up some peanut butter and eat it. You can also smear it on your face a little for added effect. They usually back down after that.

[–]fourvalleys 26 points27 points ago

Regardless of the eating, I think if you scooped in your pants and came up with something that even resembled peanut butter I'd be concerned.

I mean, even if I knew it was peanut butter I'd still have to think hard about why it was in your pants.

[–]UndeadBuggalo 47 points48 points ago

I think Nutella would be more convincing. Do you have PB poos regularly?

[–]DrTorpedo 104 points105 points ago

Due to the amount of peanut butter I've been eating it has been coming out looking like peanut butter, yes.

[–]laughs_at_your_fail 70 points71 points ago

Yay for properly handling nasty people! Good on you.

[–]MakeMyTacoPop 52 points53 points ago

I posted this before, but I had an incident of "laundry revenge" also...

I was a lowly Private E-1 in the Army...just got to Germany for my 1st duty assignment. Well, in the barracks there were community washers/dryers and you had to do everything you could to get "dibs" on the single washer on the floor designated for ~ 75 soldiers.

So, I go to the laundry room and to my surprise, the washer is not in use. So, I run the water in the tub, put my soap in, and went back to my room to get my clothes. I figured by putting the soap in and running it, it would be good enough to "secure" the washer for my use and I didn't have to stay there to take ownership of its use at that time.

Well, I get back to the laundry room with my laundry bag and this Specialist E-4 (which I thought was a big deal at the time) was there, and he just closed the lid to the washer, apparently after putting an entire load of his own clothes into MY WASHER with MY SOAP! I tell him, "Hey, I was using that; I put soap in it an everything." And he barks at me, "Well, too bad Private. That's what you get for leaving the washer unattended!", and he stomps out of the laundry room all proud of himself.

I thought about just taking his clothes out and putting mine in, but I came up with something better. I ran to the PX (a supermarket/department store type of business) and bought a gallon of bleach, and dumped the whole damn thing into the washer.

About 30 minutes later, I heard it -- "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAAAAT THE HELLLLL!!!!!!" -- from all the way down the hallway in my room. Seconds later, I hear a huge bang on my door. Of course, I knew who it was; it was the dickhead E-4. He yells at me, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY LAUNDRY?" And I completely play dumb and ask, "What do you mean?" He said, "YOU DUMPED BLEACH IN MY CLOTHES!" So I replied in a completely matter-of-fact tone of voice, "Well, not exactly. I was getting ready to do whites, and I had soap and bleach in the water already, but you put your clothes in, so...."

A look of resignation washed over his face, and he knew he either made a mistake (by putting his clothes into bleach water) or that he couldn't prove a thing, and he just said nothing else and walked away.

Later that evening, I saw all his clothes on a folding table (which he had apparently dried in the dryer) -- 3-4 pairs of BDUs, brown undershirts, grey PT shirts, black wool socks, civilian clothes, ALL COMPLETELY WRECKED! I apparently trashed most of his day-to-day Army uniforms/clothing as well as civvies he had.

I felt bad...for about 2.5 seconds...

TL;DR: I started a washer with soap but no clothes, another guy puts his clothes in, acts like a dick, so I dumped a gallon of bleach in his load of clothes. Everything ruined.

[–]res21171 7 points8 points ago

As a taxpayer, I footed the bill on his wardrobe reissue. And I don't mind it one bit. Well done, soldier.

[–]goldstarwid 5 points6 points ago

That's excellent. Good for you. And fuck him for thinking he's a big deal when he wasn't even an NCO.

[–]IvyMike 104 points105 points ago

The trick is to put up a bunch of these signs early in the year, before there are any actual problems.

[–]Angie1256 434 points435 points ago

Haha someone did this to me when I was in college so I just threw a crayon in with their clothes<3

[–]nixity 364 points365 points ago

Still owning crayons in college FTW.

[–]aesir33 152 points153 points ago

art students!

[–]Elshar 202 points203 points ago

They can afford to do laundry?

[–]comradexkcd 81 points82 points ago

iLaundry, mind you

[–]JTDeuce 50 points51 points ago

Not from what I've smelled.

[–]ANUSBLASTER_MKII 160 points161 points ago

Finally, a use for Rosearts.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ineedtolaugh2 34 points35 points ago

What does that do exactly?

[–]ThunderMethTiger 134 points135 points ago

It melts, and get all over their clothes. All over.

[–]baxar 54 points55 points ago

wouldn't that fuck up the drier for everyone else as well though?

[–]BScatterplot 33 points34 points ago

Yes, it would ruin basically everything- they might as well have burned the clothes or threw them away.

[–]ineedtolaugh2 46 points47 points ago

Oh shit that was a stupid question I somehow thought they meant they put it in the washer.

[–]KailuaGirl 35 points36 points ago

And the dryer...

[–]Zazzerpan 27 points28 points ago

Yeah just throw them into the washer again with copious amounts of bleach. That way you don't fuck over the next person.

[–]theodrixx 14 points15 points ago

But how do you fit the dryer in the washing machine?

[–]homergonerson 9 points10 points ago

With a screwdriver

[–]Zazzerpan 7 points8 points ago

Break it up into pieces then it's kinda like tetris.

[–]RumbutterMcSquash 295 points296 points ago

Can we please make an /r/pettyrevenge, I would read the shit out of that

edit: my story of petty revenge

[–]Azuaron 122 points123 points ago

[–]OneoftheZombies 96 points97 points ago

I'm giving you a faith subscribe. Make it worth my click.

[–]tsaxnrd626 13 points14 points ago

At first I thought you said "Make it worth my dick"...

[–]Reura 7 points8 points ago

I feel like I just got in at the start of something great.

[–]iDoiStuff 19 points20 points ago

there doesn't seem to be anything here

What a pity.

[–]Azuaron 61 points62 points ago

Well, I literally created it just 11 minutes ago.

[–]LawBobLoblaw 50 points51 points ago

Excuses excuses.

[–]jaycrew 33 points34 points ago

Within a week, it'll become an 8th grade creative writing outlet, full of wish fulfillment fantasies.

[–]solsticemoon 37 points38 points ago

I used to live in an apartment where our neighbors were shady as shit. They would loot through everyone's clothes while they were in the dryer to steal random clothing. The only thing I had stolen was my waitressing change purse, but our other neighbors had pretty much all their kid's clothing snatched. Landlords were informed but didn't do a goddamn thing. They also used to steal our mail to sell to pawnshops.

Edit; To clarify, these weren't pressed for luck and downtrodden people. These were entitled, vainglorious people. I shudder just thinking about them.

[–]unknownpoltroon 72 points73 points ago

Call the post office. The mail police DO NOT fuck around.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points ago

Hmmm....a Publisher's Clearing House entry form, a Christmas card from your aunt, and an electric bill....best I can do is 23 cents. But let me call a friend who is an expert on mail.

[–]brulagazer 7 points8 points ago

why would they sell your mail to a pawnshop? desperate times I guess :P

[–]solsticemoon 12 points13 points ago

We run an online business so we receive a lot of packages. The most painful one was my boyfriend's eagerly awaited autographed LP of John Williams original score of Star Wars. Mint condition.

[–]SkepticOwl 35 points36 points ago

My method is to open the dryer door and close it again. When they come back, they'll have sopping wet clothes and won't understand what went wrong. Sometimes I'll go back and check to see if they start it up a second time, and I'll do it again.

$2.50 in quarters down the drain MUhahahahaha

[–]fionacoy 72 points73 points ago

Didn't happen to me, but I witnessed a similar situation. Some girl had her clothes in the dryer, and didn't take them out for nearly an hour after they were done. My dorm rules were that you could take someone's dried clothes out after a reasonable amount of time and put it on the counter to free up dryers that could be used, which someone did. When the girl finally came to get her stuff out of the dryer, she flipped shit that someone moved her clothes and proceeded to take the person's clothes out and throw it on the floor. Although she no longer needed the dryer and there was absolutely no wrong-doing. I hung around until after she stormed out with her laundered clothes and picked everything off the floor, put it back in the dryer, and resumed the person's drying cycle for them. She was way out of line, and the person did not deserve what she did. Bitches be crazy..

[–]Squishpoke 8 points9 points ago

My rule is: moving other people's laundry is okay as long as the dryer/washing cycle is completed, and the clothes are carefully placed on a table and not on the floor.

[–]barkface 46 points47 points ago

My brother told me his laundry story once. He was on the track team in college and they had special track team sweats/clothing etc. exclusively for people on track. One day, he comes back to pick up his dry laundry only to find his track sweatshirt gone. This pisses him off...a lot...and vows to keep a look out for this really dumb thief who decided to steal from a guy who's 6'6" and works out every day. So, about two weeks later he sees this guy walking along with the sweatshirt on. Knows he's not on the track team and walks up to him and says "Give me my sweatshirt...now." The guy looks like he's going to shit himself and starts stammering while taking off the sweatshirt and giving it back. My brother walks off. He's a gentle giant and would never hurt anyone but I can see how he could be really intimidating.

[–]SeanDougherty86 107 points108 points ago

Someone did this to me one time.

I went and took a shit, wrapped it up in toilet paper, and tossed it in the dryer with his laundry

...everyone lost that day

I don't recommend doing what I did

[–]imgonnawin 11 points12 points ago

I just take the clothes out of the dryer, put mine back in, and put theirs in the closest urinal. Less mess.

[–]gunnermcgavin 180 points181 points ago

Last time someone did that, I opened a bottle of spaghetti sauce and threw it in the dryer with their clothes.

[–]TakeyoMedicine 139 points140 points ago

Last time someone stole my dryer, I luckily came down before theirs was done drying, and threw their wet clothes outside into the snow to freeze.

[–]TekkamanEvil 80 points81 points ago

Someone stole your dryer? Some people man.

[–]Arizhel 38 points39 points ago

This actually happened to me. We had a rental house back during the housing boom, in Phoenix, on a busy street in town; it was an older house where the laundry machines were in an outbuilding behind the house, and the door had been left unlocked (you had to use a padlock on it). We were fixing up the house to re-rent it and came back after a day and found the laundry machines missing. They weren't new ones either, they were shitty old ones.

[–]imgonnacallyouretard 35 points36 points ago

Why did you have a bottle of spaghetti sauce with you?

[–]SirNikkolas 101 points102 points ago

You mean you don't carry a bottle of spaghetti sauce around with you at all times?

[–]imgonnacallyouretard 85 points86 points ago

I do, but everyone has their own reasons.

[–]helium_farts 27 points28 points ago

I only carry Grey Poupon.

[–]riggsinator 8 points9 points ago

In the off chance that some rich dude pulls up next to you in a rolls royce trying to eat a sandwich but he mistakenly forgot his grey poupon at home?

You are doing god's work son.

[–]LawBobLoblaw 26 points27 points ago

The funny part is I realized I had the wrong dryer!

[–]_goodtothelastdrop_ 17 points18 points ago

Last time someone stole my spaghetti sauce, I pulled their wet clothes out of the dryer.

[–]hooplah 5 points6 points ago

My dorms had a washer/dryer room in the actual dorm building, so it'd be a two second walk to get some food and go back to the room.

[–]26ozofwhiskey 59 points60 points ago

I just got a raging justice hard-on.

[–]Uvabird 120 points121 points ago

In college, I lived on a quiet "study floor". However, some students were assigned to that floor who had no business being there. For them, university life was the party life and they could care less about learning.

Loud, obnoxious bitches. Fighting, screaming, goofing off, doors slamming. Nobody could get any studying done.

Finals week arrives and these gals are close to flunking out and for once, things go silent at their end of the hall as they attempted to redeem themselves with last minute cramming. The end with the laundry room.

The rest of us had our revenge- we chose to do laundry. Our tennis shoes. All of them. In the dryers. All fucking night long. Right by their doors.

[–]fiffle44 48 points49 points ago

I signed up for a quiet study floor as well. It seemed like everyone on our floor, including me, was the type that had said to themselves, I gotta get serious now, this is college, so for now on I'm going to study hard and straighten up.

Didn't work. Our floor was by far the wildest in the whole dorm.

[–]theodrixx 42 points43 points ago

Maybe it's some clever reverse psychology shit to corral all the morons, and you two just got unlucky.

[–]underdabridge 439 points440 points ago

Well. Someone has a dry sense of humor.

[–]fishmaster2012[S] 145 points146 points ago

That was a horribly good pun.

[–]underdabridge 148 points149 points ago

Welcome to reddit. The place is awash with them.

[–]ShredLox 106 points107 points ago

That's one way to spin it, but I fear you may stain our image.

[–]ShhITOKE 76 points77 points ago

Just soaking in them over here.

[–]Speaking-of-segues 84 points85 points ago

nice. I maytag you as a punderful human being

[–]toxinx 51 points52 points ago

Hopefully no one gets agitated.

[–]ShredLox 67 points68 points ago

I hope not! We wouldn't want to deter gents.

[–]a-dark-passenger 38 points39 points ago

This whole pun thread is wishy washy at best.

[–]Dubzil 40 points41 points ago

And the cycle of puns comes to an end.

[–]sdyawg 40 points41 points ago

Damnit, why do you have to be such a downey?

[–]FlamingJellyfish 42 points43 points ago

Your friend has some nice handwriting.

[–]FormerSperm 8 points9 points ago

My freshman year at the University of Alabama I went to do laundry in my dorm, which houses male athletes and engineering majors (an odd combo to say the least), and I found that the washing machine was done with its cycle but still had clothes in it. So I waited a half hour and came back and saw that it was still full of the same clothes so I took them out, put them into a chair, and put my clothes into the machine. I go back into my room and a few minutes later my roommate comes in and says "Julio is pissed, someone took his clothes out of the washing machine." The Julio he was referring to is Julio Jones and now plays in the NFL. He was yelling "who the fuck did this?!" If he had caught me taking his clothes out, there is no telling what could have happened. Luckily he never found out who did it.

TL;DR took Julio Jones' clothes out of the washer and he mad.

[–]jaxytee 44 points45 points ago

A real G would have taken the clothes out and put them in a washer with bleach. Source: Happened to me. Lesson: Don't fuck with G's.

[–]yabacam 10 points11 points ago

you stole someones dryer and they bleached your clothes? Yikes, did you learn your lesson?

[–]Vanetia 23 points24 points ago

Now he only steals dryers when he needs his whites whiter.

[–]clunkclunk 4 points5 points ago

Came here to find that.

My first apartment after high school, this was the common punishment. If you fucked with someone's laundry, your stuff got put in a washer with enough bleach to burn holes in your clothes. I saw plenty of nice jeans become early 90s acid-wash (though I suppose this was alkaline wash).

I was so mature and grown up with my very first apartment, I'd take my laundry back to my parents house and use their washer and dryer (and laundry soap).

[–]atworkmeir 91 points92 points ago

The funny part is that the individual just forgot to turn on the dryer and some poor sap didn't want to wait any longer for someone to come and claim the wet cloths, so he removed them and used it himself.

[–]RichardBachman 91 points92 points ago

I had someone charge into the laundry room and start accusing me of taking their laundry out. I kindly informed them that I had just paid full price for all 4 loads I had drying and they had the wrong guy.

Don't leave your clothes unattended in a public laundry, trust me.

[–]Jrex13 15 points16 points ago

What the fuck is it with all these people walking away from their laundry?

[–]RatherDashing 45 points46 points ago

i've lived in apartment buildings all my life so i have two pretty good laundry stories:

  • One time I go down every hour and on the 3rd trip (3rd hour) I open up the wash (this building had 1 washer and 1 dryer for the whole building) and move their shit to the dryer. I proceed to wash my clothes. I come back, they didn't come down and pay for the dryer, so I immediately take their shit out of the dryer (still wet) and put it on top of the washer and dry my shit. Come back to my shit half dry all over the floor and their shit in the dryer. I didn't want to start shit so i rewash my shit and then redry my shit and never say a word. She called the landlord and told them I was a perv and going through their laundry. The landlord covering their ass reported it to the police. Fuck that bitch.

  • My new building has 4 washers and dryers (after episode 1, I made sure it was stacked) and i was waiting for a washer that i had no idea how long it had been done but the dryers were open and it was only sheets and towels, i thought nobody would mind if someone touched their sheets and towels, i just put them in the empty dryer and used the washing machine. Turns out to be an angry bro. I work out 5 days a week so I'm by no means scrawny but this guy was just jacked and angry. I thought he was seriously going to start some shit because I put a few towels into the dryer for him.

Fuck public laundry. I'm never touching anyone's shit ever again even if they are being inconsiderate assholes.

[–]pearlhart 27 points28 points ago

It's so odd because IME, the standard rule is if you leave your stuff sitting after a cycle, people can move it. If people are that concerned with people touching or moving their stuff, they should make sure to move their stuff out of a shared, common space so others can use it!

But this is why I love the laundromat. They don't tolerate this stuff at all. And I can do 6 huge loads all at once under 2 hours.

[–]Dubzil 13 points14 points ago

Very wise words. If you are going to leave them unattended, at least stop in and check on them every 5 mins.

[–]laughs_at_your_fail 62 points63 points ago

No, bring a book or your phone or something to occupy your time. People are asshats and just don't care about anyone but themselves, I'm not saying everybody is but the majority now adays are rude unintelligent asswipes of people.

Also, if you get your laundry cycle stolen, don't forget that it is a crime, they are stealing from you.

[–]imgonnacallyouretard 24 points25 points ago

Or just get the workers at the laundromat to do your laundry for you. Where I live, it costs about $2 more than doing it myself, and I don't need to babysit my clothes for 1.5 hours. Also, they fold everything way nicer than I ever could.

[–]kyleyankan 26 points27 points ago

You should be fucking studying anyways college students, fucking watch your goddamn clothes and move them when the goddamn buzzer is done. One chick my freshman year would leave shit in the washer/dryer for hours and hours, and call you a pervert when 8 hours alter you moved her goddamn laundry.

[–]OpenShut 34 points35 points ago

In college we had allocated washing baskets with our room numbers on the base. Well some bastard took mine so I went into the laundry room every time I walked by and checked all the numbers on the base. One day I found mine and waited until the person came to claim it. I closed the door behind him and block his way and but the fear of god in him for being a dick.

[–]Datdus 13 points14 points ago

Washers with locks, we need 'em.

[–]Azuaron 10 points11 points ago

But... everyone would need the keys...

Maybe just like, a place for locks. Like, bring your own lock and clip it on.

[–]Datdus 8 points9 points ago

Maybe make it like swimming pool lockers. Bracelets and everything.

[–]nekowolf 12 points13 points ago

So my brother lived at an apartment complex, and he started noticing that his white and light-colored clothes were getting greyish after washing them. He thought it was just from mixing lights and darks, but later on found out some asshat was washing oily rags in the washing machines. Of course, he didn't wash them in the washing machine near his apartment, but rather went across and used another section's.

[–]toddthefrog 23 points24 points ago

I once found my favorite pair of jeans in someone else's dryer before I had taken mine out of the washer. I removed their clothes from the dryer and relocated them out the exit and into a rain storm and very muddle puddle. I called a few friends down from the apartment and waited around to watch the show. Priceless.

[–]KingBee 35 points36 points ago

You left out the most entertaining details... The self-described 'show'.

[–]haltingpoint 12 points13 points ago

That's because it didn't happen.

[–]redherpbluederp 19 points20 points ago

Yeah, we kind of care more about the reaction. Do tell.

[–]zpkmook 5 points6 points ago

What if they put someone else's clothes in and were messing with them too?

[–]cynicsinthistown 24 points25 points ago

I'm actually guilty of moving someone's laundry that wasn't aware. However, I still don't REALLY believe I was in the wrong..

When I was living in dorms on campus, we had double the number of dryers than we did washers. I brought my laundry down and was desperately in need of a washer. Came to find that only 2 of our washers were actually being used. The rest had completed their cycle, and were just sitting there. Forever. Dat bitch didn't set an alarm to come change her laundry!

So I, in desperate need of a washer, moved this girls clothes into one of the several free dryers, AND PAID FOR HER CLOTHES TO BE DRIED. I then proceeded to leave a note apologizing, and explained that I just really needed a washer. I also explained everything to my RA, who happened to be working the front desk at the time.

Later that evening, I got a knock on my door from my RA. Apparently that girl showed up hours later, and threw a fucking fit that someone dared to touch her things.. started throwing threats around. So basically, my RA was telling me to keep an eye out for some crazed girl that now wanted to kick my ass for attempting to be a decent person.

TL;DR - Attempted to be a good laundry-samaritan. Was rewarded with blood-lust.

[–]Mitnek 31 points32 points ago

maybeshehadcashmere...

[–]cc81 29 points30 points ago

Maybe she had clothes that should not be put in a dryer?

[–]JVNT 16 points17 points ago

I will say, you were nicer about it than most people. You weren't in the wrong but it could have been a case of an attempted good deed turning out to be bad.

Never start a dry cycle for someone else unless they ask you to. The reason I say this is because some people have clothes that can't be dried in a machine and drying them can shrink/damage them in some way. Next time just put them in a dryer and leave a note but don't start it. It might seem like the nice thing to do but you would be pissed too if a piece of clothing you really liked was ruined as a result.

[–]unknownpoltroon 11 points12 points ago

Never put someone elses clothes in the drier, they might not be drier safe. But fuck that bitch anyway. You were in the right.

[–]Ieuan1996 35 points36 points ago

I'm taking it was Brian. Brian fucking loves doing laundry.

[–]akbermo 4 points5 points ago

r/penmanshipporn