this post was submitted on
1,467 points (62% like it)
3,674 up votes 2,207 down votes

funny

subscribe2,680,353 readers

6,239 users here now

Results of the facebook poll

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 179 comments

[–]TheTruthBeSold 20 points21 points ago

My friend used to work on the production floor of another office so we'd email each other when we were going out to smoke. Since his computer screen was visible to everyone across the room I'd send him emails like:

Head out for a break?

CUNT FUCKER

Except the bottom like would be size 80 and neon pink on a black background and flashing.

[–]duk242 10 points11 points ago

That's like calling him not gay.

[–]BasketofTits 2 points3 points ago

Or he could be talking about fucking your mother.

[–]Dracofav 1 point2 points ago

The office was in West Hollywood.

[–]TassieTiger 280 points281 points ago

David Thorne

Bullshit maker extraordinaire

Faker than a fake hat full of fake things.

What I'm saying is all his bullshit is fake, that's the general gist of it.

[–]brownstoned 109 points110 points ago

So what you're saying is comedians would go and make things up to get people to laugh? That's crazy!

[–]Infantryzone 16 points17 points ago

It makes it less funny when it's obviously fake because it takes you out of the moment.

[–]GokuNoPiccolo 5 points6 points ago

Wait a minute, you mean he really didn't try to pay his bills with spider drawings, pretend he was selling drugs in emails to police, or routinely do things that would get him fired and not get fired?

FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE

Nah I know it's not real, but I just pretend it is real because it's funnier then (which is called a suspension of disbelief).

[–]FascistDonut 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure this is the explanation for religion as well.

[–]Magic1264 18 points19 points ago

Actually, I was in it the whole way. Sometimes, management finds things just as hilarious as their lower employees, but because Simon filed a complaint, actions need to be taken.

Honestly, as long as all of this took place in a short span of time (and not an ongoing level of harassment), I could see a company dishing out a warning instead of a termination.

[–]Who_are_I 5 points6 points ago

Happened to me :-)

I refrained from the dancing though. Just used to keep turning someone's office light off every time he left the room. Poor guy, thought he had a movement sensor in there...

[–]RobotNate 0 points1 point ago

I don't know why you're getting downvoted. This is a rare case of valid sarcasm use on the internet.

[–]timodmo 55 points56 points ago

This level of harassment would most certainly warrant termination.

[–]geak78 10 points11 points ago

I was with him all the way up to tying photos to murder victims.

[–]Chuck_T_Bone -2 points-1 points ago

I concur, that's when this would of been an escorted out of the office by security.

[–]wouldHAVEwouldHAVE 3 points4 points ago

this would of been

[–]tonyvila 2 points3 points ago

If you're a person, I like the cut of your jib. If you're a bot, 0100100100100000011011000110100101101011011001010010000001110100011010000110010100100000011000110111010101110100001000000110111101100110001000000111100101101111011101010111001000100000011010100110100101100010

[–]GreenZanbato 0 points1 point ago

Anyone feel like translating this? I'm curious as to what he said.

[–]scootscoot 2 points3 points ago

You have no idea what I got away with when I was working for "a large online bookseller". What actually got me fired was much tamer than the normal shenanigans. I miss that place. :(

[–]MostExperts 10 points11 points ago

Name your top three, GO!

[–]Sciar 0 points1 point ago

Depends on your office. Some places understand fun vs. harassment. If both parties don't agree they might try to get the guy fucking around to stop with a notice.

I don't think it's real or care for this post, but just saying not everywhere is like "YOU'RE BOTH DICKING AROUND? YOU'RE FIRED!"

[–]hobbsrambo 42 points43 points ago

fake or not it was entertaining to me.

[–]BLVD 6 points7 points ago

I laughed more at the fake letter than I did at your comment, so fuck off.

[–]TassieTiger -1 points0 points ago

Kisses.

[–]dauntlessmath 15 points16 points ago

David Thorne

Although, very few people on the internet seem to realize he makes all of his stuff up. Why so credulous, internet?

[–]iMarmalade 2 points3 points ago

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Thorne_%28writer%29

David Thorne is an Australian humourist, satirist, Internet personality and New York Times best-selling author.[1] His work has been featured on the BBC, the Late Show with David Letterman, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

[–]dauntlessmath -1 points0 points ago

That doesn't mean his "correspondences" are real. The email exchanges he posts are 100% fabricated. He writes all of the letters, to and from himself.

[–]iMarmalade 5 points6 points ago

Wasn't claiming they were, just providing the background that he is a well known satirist.

[–]prodmage 1 point2 points ago

But hilarious!

[–]pulezan 1 point2 points ago

Why do you think everything he writes is fake? I think you at least own an explanation.

[–]7_legged_spider 1 point2 points ago

Any humor is a mixture of reality combined with creatively inspired fiction. I personally believe that the resulting enjoyment from said humor is well worth the cost of admission, (minor suspension of disbelief).

[–]MadManuel 0 points1 point ago

Of course it's fake. No HR person on the world would keep a person around after that level of harassment. There'd be no warning letter. They'd just have security throw his ass out.

[–]OzzymonDios 1 point2 points ago

[–]lawlshane 0 points1 point ago

WOW WHAT A REVELATION

[–]hates_usernames 75 points76 points ago

Most of this guy's recent humour is just haha look at how nasty I am to other people who I think are shitheads. And he milks it for book sales as much as he can, nothing funny about that.

Having said that the missing missy email made me literally weep with laughter.

[–]101112 17 points18 points ago

"I just want it to say Lost".

Closest I've ever come to a spit take.

Edit: s/so/to

[–]marriage_iguana 23 points24 points ago

"MISSING CAT, REWARD: $2000"
"I never said anything about a reward!"
"MISSING CAT, NO REWARD"

[–]hates_usernames 6 points7 points ago

Also, I must admit his latest entry here is quite funny too!

[–]GrimmLynne 1 point2 points ago

Nacho Soup was my favorite...it had me in tears!

[–]bananagrabber83 2 points3 points ago

The funny thing is, in Mexico they have something called Sopa de Tortilla, which is basically 'nacho soup', and it's absolutely fucking exquisite.

[–]iixi 1 point2 points ago

Quick link to a recipe for anyone who was curious like me. Looks delicious.

[–]neuronalapoptosis 0 points1 point ago

Why would anyone talk to this guy let alone live with him... He has offspring?

[–]Alexandur -1 points0 points ago

You know those aren't real correspondences, right?

[–]hates_usernames 2 points3 points ago

Totally, but it's pretty hard to tell. Google around and you'll find that some of the people and business featured are real, unless he's such a troll that he's managed to fool news websites as well. And his real life attitude manages to be even douchier than his imaginary conversations.

[–]BloosCorn 1 point2 points ago

The last line... "Fine. That will have to do," literally had me weeping on the floor. I know it's a sad event and all that, but just imagining the look on peoples faces when they see the "lost cat-in-the-hat" ad was too much to handle.

[–]deez_nuts6067 -1 points0 points ago

That was the funniest shit I've read in a while

[–]PurpleSfinx -4 points-3 points ago

Idiot should've made the seven legged spider and quit while he was ahead.

[–]retard_fish_frog 38 points39 points ago

David Thorne = Jim Halpert Simon Dempsey = Dwight Shrute

[–]Tits_Mc_Gee 0 points1 point ago

Glad I was not the only one thinking this after I read that.

[–]bernando2 16 points17 points ago

"all photos of simon on the wall of your office with pieces of string leading to murder victims are to be removed" - this is probably when things got real

[–]Zai_shanghai 1 point2 points ago

That is awesome. I am now going to bide my time until the perfect opportunity arises for me to do this to someone.

[–]oldfurr 35 points36 points ago

Guy seems to get off on being a douche.

[–]Skilol 8 points9 points ago

Exactly. I really liked the first publications I saw from him, those where he appeared to be pushed around for no reason and verbally defended himself. But soon after that he just seemed to whore for attention more and more, making fun of people that did nothing against him, trying to find problems anywhere, just to have something new to publish.

[–]flying-columns 35 points36 points ago

Naw, he's hilarious, fuck Simon.

[–]ivanmarsh 10 points11 points ago

Yeah... it's fairly clear they would be perfectly justified in simply firing his ass.

[–]hartmanwhistler 5 points6 points ago

Who's to say Simon isn't the douche? For David to go to such great, hilarious lengths must mean that this Simon is a weenie who cannot take a joke. Kudos to David.

[–]oldfurr 11 points12 points ago

Look at some of his other work & make up your own mind, I view it as douchey (if that's even a word).

[–]Who_are_I -1 points0 points ago

Examples man...be specific :-)

Everyone of us hear has that annoying colleague that is a douche. I don't consider getting them back every now and the douchey.

The funny ones her writes / creates tend to be the ones where he is dealing with unreasonable people, such as the guy with halogen spotlights attached to his house etc, sometimes he goes to far but i think that is more for comic effect.

[–]neuronalapoptosis -2 points-1 points ago

I dont know any of the other work and this is extremely douchey. Honestly the pictures of murder victims is grounds for immediate termination. That's just completely unacceptable. So many other things are just so completely out of line in the workplace that one doesn't need context. Even if this was in retaliation for similar offenses this stuff would be unacceptable.

[–]neuronalapoptosis 8 points9 points ago

Even if Simon is a prodigious douche, this is extensively unacceptable in the workplace. Namely, answering the phone, using his email, Calling him and hanging up while at work, and excessive use of insulting nicknames when you've been asked to stop. The pictures of simon with strings to murder victims are actually extremely disturbing harassment. He should be fired on the spot for that. It's tantamount to a death threat. These things all grievously interfere with ones ability to do their job. The reason is because simon has no recourse to deal with him. Dancing silly, fucking with someone's office, little things like that are normal workplace antics because they can be ignored if you need to focus on work.

[–]papercutkid 0 points1 point ago

My goodness, grow a sense of humour.

[–]Xensphere 6 points7 points ago

Although it's probably fake, growing a sense of humor has nothing to do with it. If this actually occurred in a workplace, he would be fired. It's a workplace, not a 5th grade playground.

[–]SamWhite 2 points3 points ago

Who's to say Simon isn't the douche?

Simon doesn't exist.

[–]Wazoople 0 points1 point ago

I see it as a real life Dwight & Jim relationship.

[–]brownstoned 0 points1 point ago

Don't worry I'm sure it's all TRUE...

[–]oldfurr 0 points1 point ago

No doubt.

[–]wichi_man 4 points5 points ago

i love this one

[–]Roth1 1 point2 points ago

This guy is a mad genius.

[–]brownstoned 2 points3 points ago

Ok, you do all realize that this is a bit? As in comedy?

[–]FueledByTesla 6 points7 points ago

You can't really classify David Thorne, but I would like to informally name him as the "Generally Random Master of the Passive Agressive Arts ", as well as least likely to give a shit.

[–]Disgrntld -1 points0 points ago

Simon could still hear the screams even all these years after Ka-san. He prayed his quite office job would drown out the voices in his head like so many North Koreans he drowned in that latrine. It was a struggle every day to maintain a resemblance of sanity, but when he remembered those savages dancing around with the heads of Charlie company; when he remembered the smell of the glue and the sight of the string holding their dead eyes open, denying them eternal rest... Sometimes he wanted to go back.

[–]Arco1338 -1 points0 points ago

You can read the phone number at the bottom of the page. So I called it. It's a law firm in Washington, D.C. But the company directory has no "David Thorne". The letter was hilarious an i was gonna leave a voice mail as such... Kinda sad to find out its a bogus number!!

[–]Magic1264 2 points3 points ago

This is why we can't have nice things.

[–]dudkoV[S] 2 points3 points ago

Went do David's website and first thing I see is this:

http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p2.html

Still curious if this is completely fake or not.

[–]chubs44 2 points3 points ago

TL;DR David = Jim, Simon = Dwight.

[–]manatdesk 0 points1 point ago

FTFY David = Tim, Simon = Gareth stapler

[–]MstrBlonde 2 points3 points ago

David Thorne has been doing this stuff for years. It's all fake, but that should seem obvious after reading even a small part of his website. I know that not everybody knows about every little corner of the Internet, but the cries of outrage over bullying and such are hilarious.

If you are one of those people, do yourself a favor and visit his site at http://www.27bslash6.com/ . You will not be disappointed.

[–]Screaminmidget 3 points4 points ago

"That are permanently attached to simon's desk are to be removed"

How's he supposed to remove them if they're permanent!?

[–]lomo_de_puerco -1 points0 points ago

Thank you for this. I just spent the entirety of my day writing the most laborious review of an academic area study... Somehow, if even for just a moment, i felt like my day wasnt entirely wasted.

[–]Frank30 1 point2 points ago

That man is a visionary.

[–]switch42 -1 points0 points ago

I was awaiting An Office reference, particularly About Jim and Dwight.

[–]IAmAtticus -1 points0 points ago

I would absolutely love to work with you... my god we could mess with each other for ever.

[–]myPuppysCute 0 points1 point ago

my new office hero

[–]timbit1985 -1 points0 points ago

You sound like Jim and Dwight. You MUST put his stationary in Jello. They didn't forbid that!

[–]Wolf5090 -1 points0 points ago

My favorite part is when Simon murdered a guy.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Oh_sup 0 points1 point ago

Speaking from experience?

[–]NISCBTFM -1 points0 points ago

This is what would happen to Jim from the office if the show was real...

[–]D-lusion -1 points0 points ago

Fake or not, I laughed my ass off.

[–]king_hippo77 0 points1 point ago

I've been looking at work all wrong...

[–]ADozenArrows 0 points1 point ago

Jennifer forgot to file these complaints away in the special box.

[–]kailook -1 points0 points ago

[–]Mozno1 -1 points0 points ago

Made me lol, cheers!

[–]checker_t 0 points1 point ago

That is one of the most genuinely hilarious things I've ever read. All hail David Thorne.

[–]gkiltz 1 point2 points ago

David is lucky he wasn't quickly fired, without even being allowed to clean out his desk.

[–]FenrirIII 0 points1 point ago

That does seem like an excessive amount of douchebaggery, one wonders how any work was done. Would have had security show up and escort him out.

[–]BkBryant23 0 points1 point ago

I need to know what company this is and I need to meet david and see some of these pictures and I dont even care if its fake

[–]joe_kickass1 -1 points0 points ago

I feel like Jim from the office has already done all of these things

[–]Nalrod 0 points1 point ago

I guess bullies get past school in life...

[–]EightMile 0 points1 point ago

Jim vs. Dwight? No. David vs. Simon.

[–]dasfunny 0 points1 point ago

TLDR?

[–]dudkoV[S] 1 point2 points ago

David gets written up for pranking a fellow employee. Notice letter outlines some of his pranks. There are debates whether or not this is fake. I myself don't know but it is sure hilarious.

[–]dasfunny 0 points1 point ago

Thank YOU!

[–]Nighthawk6857 -1 points0 points ago

Just switch Simon with Dwight.

[–]7_legged_spider 1 point2 points ago

Some people have no sense of humor.

[–]MellowNatts 0 points1 point ago

Dave is a dick. I'm a little confused why he's getting so many props. Post a video of some kid getting bullied and the Reddit mind-hive will lose it's shit. Dave is probably making coming to work a living hell for Simon, yet everyone is excited to virtually high five him.

[–]Evernoob 1 point2 points ago

If any of this is true it's just workplace bullying someone who is just trying to do his job and likely dreads coming in to work.

[–]Xandier_101 1 point2 points ago

Why is there so much hate for him?

Are you guys still mad about your books? You know that wasn't his fault right?

[–]Thep123 0 points1 point ago

Dear David, keep up the good work ----the 47%

[–]PhilipJS 0 points1 point ago

Fake or not. This made my day!

[–]ThetaGamma2 0 points1 point ago

[–]Buzz3dSaw 0 points1 point ago

This is perhaps the best the thing I've ever read. Nay, it IS the best thing I've ever ride.

[–]mestarvirus 0 points1 point ago

THis mad my day, Dont care if its fake. STill LOLING :)

[–]SwimmerFan 1 point2 points ago

SENOR BOB

[–]aleeds1211 0 points1 point ago

This is the best formal written warning ever! I can just picture the HR Manager laughing while she was writing it. Even if it's fake still very creative and funny.

[–]Ski360spin 1 point2 points ago

The hotdog photo got me.

[–]kevie3drinks 0 points1 point ago

This made me laugh so hard, and then half way through I realized it was fake and it made me a combo of sad/angry.

[–]mattucci76 0 points1 point ago

I wonder if Simon is anything like Dwight Schrute.

[–]Chocolate_Thunder95 0 points1 point ago

Way to ruin the fucking party, Jennifer.

[–]Supermomma 0 points1 point ago

Best thing I've seen all day!

[–]BUFF4LO 0 points1 point ago

Simon/David reddit poll to see who is a douche? is that a function on reddit to make a poll?

[–]fel0ni0usm0nk 1 point2 points ago

The part about the murder string had me laughing so hard it was difficult to properly aim my mouse for an up vote. #firstworldproblems

[–]cold-n-sour -2 points-1 points ago

what an asshole...

[–]Irrelevant_Stats -1 points0 points ago

TIL that David Thorne is an immature douche. Or liar.

[–]thepretty 0 points1 point ago

This is just so good, so perfect that I feel as if I could just leave Reddit now. Nothing can beat this.

[–]BobCratchit666 -3 points-2 points ago

Fucking hilarious.

[–]A3mercury 0 points1 point ago

His entire site are all about confusin and annoying the crap out of people. It's hilarious.

[–]theoreticalmuse -1 points0 points ago

fucking awesome - in tears over here cracking up

[–]cmarshgonzo69 -3 points-2 points ago

thought of jerry from p&r. simon sounds like a little bitch.

[–]neuronalapoptosis -5 points-4 points ago

What should simon do? Throw a blanket party? Slash his tires? Burn down his house? This stuff isn't funny.

[–]cmarshgonzo69 0 points1 point ago

you probably get treated like simon in your workplace. simon should just nut up and accept the hazing.

[–]neuronalapoptosis 0 points1 point ago

One time someone tried to act like this. I pointed out how juvenile his behavior was in a ridiculous fashion. He cried a little. Then he started treating other people like this and he got fired.

There is a difference between antics in the workplace and just being childish.

[–]cmarshgonzo69 -3 points-2 points ago

I totally agree with you, but I think Simon is just as childish by running to HR and snitching. The tone of the letter isn't that serious, Jennifer was probably just getting sick of Simon bitching.

[–]aengles113 -1 points0 points ago

Oh my god, I'm not even high and I actually lol'ed pretty hard

[–]aengles113 0 points1 point ago

Oh yeah I forgot this isn't r/trees

[–]Swagmomma -1 points0 points ago

This was fucking priceless. Congrats - first post on reddit to make me LOL.

[–]sadee 0 points1 point ago

So few people are getting this, but it's a brilliant followup to one of the funniest thing's I've ever read.

[–]yosterstrudle 0 points1 point ago

This is the funniest thing I've ever read. Both me and my wife are crying. You sir are a gentleman and a scholar

[–]franksnb -2 points-1 points ago

if its's real you're a horrible bully

[–]parachutefruits 0 points1 point ago

TL;DR: TL;DR

[–]Tomred27 0 points1 point ago

David sounds like a dick.

[–]ihuha -2 points-1 points ago

stupid bully.

[–]berlinarium -2 points-1 points ago

downvote for mobbing

[–]Eldres -2 points-1 points ago

TL;DR

[–]Robeleader 8 points9 points ago

"Stop being a dick to Simon. Normally we wouldn't get involved, but seriously, it's becoming annoying"

[–]c_bass1969 -4 points-3 points ago

Fake, fake, fake, fake.

[–]TondaleoBreckinridge -3 points-2 points ago

But really, you aren't in a sitcom so stop thinking you're entertaining anyone but yourself. It's not funny, it's not fun.

[–]splice0somatic1 -2 points-1 points ago

well this will sure put a damper on "the office"

[–]kcco -3 points-2 points ago

thats the best thing I've ever seen

[–]Zai_shanghai -1 points0 points ago

Classic David.

[–]Howdy_McGee 0 points1 point ago

TL;DR

[–]joshmayner -2 points-1 points ago

This is one of the funniest posts i have EVER read!

[–]dondox -2 points-1 points ago

Sounds like Simon is a little whiny bitch.

[–]Oh_sup -3 points-2 points ago

Trolling level: Professional.

[–]jrfoster01 -1 points0 points ago

"sending Simon videos of you dancing"

hahaha amazing

Good ol' David Thorne. Comedy gold since the spider with 7 legs emails.

[–]Bonki_ -3 points-2 points ago

You should submit this to http://literaryartifacts.tumblr.com/

[–]Nemus89 -3 points-2 points ago

I want to be your friend

[–]Stijakovic -3 points-2 points ago

David Thorne is hilarious, whether he makes it all up or not.

[–]PliskinCat -2 points-1 points ago

David please frame that and put that on your wall..

You're the hero offices worldwide deserve.

[–]Volden -2 points-1 points ago

[ ] Things that happened

[x] This

[–]PurpleSfinx -3 points-2 points ago

These are so fucking fake. Letters like this don't describe in such detail what the person did. Try harder next time.

[–]bashman-95 6 points7 points ago

it is a comedian who does these as a joke

[–]Surfacetovolume 0 points1 point ago

All the people complaining about this being a lie are starting to remind me of my friend's ex-boyfriend, who was deeply hurt when he realized she had "lied" to him. They were playing poker and she bluffed.

[–]maemtz -5 points-4 points ago

I didn't find this at all funny. If this is even real, I hope David Thorne gets fired for being a fucking kid at work.

[–]spacedude86 -3 points-2 points ago

First thing I thought of when reading this was The Office.

[–]Zai_shanghai -1 points0 points ago

Oh, Dad.

[–]Ato0theJ -4 points-3 points ago

I've dealt with whiners like Simon, it starts out as simple office pranks and when someone gets butt-hurt all of the time someone always singles them out. I for one commend the guy.

[–]Prestonknows -4 points-3 points ago

Yeah I saw this letter online years ago, or at least VERY similar... Fake ass mofo

[–]Polite_Elephant -4 points-3 points ago

[–]Trav_Knows -3 points-2 points ago

why is it that everyone named "Simon" is a bit of a wiener?