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944
945

A Real Lesbian... (imgur.com)

submitted ago by SaltyMargarita

all 197 comments
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[–]JackStetzer 236 points237 points ago

Who cooks in a lesbian relation ship?

Neither they both eat out.

[–]Heep_Purple 28 points29 points ago

What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?

See you next month!

[–]ET_The_ExtraTesticle 29 points30 points ago

...still a better love story than Twilight.

[–]vnkid 3 points4 points ago

Every time I read this phrase someone takes an arrow to the knee.

[–]KiisuTheMagnificent 0 points1 point ago

Carmilla just sucked blood from the girls chest area.

[–]gloriously_offtopic 101 points102 points ago

This reminds me of the time I was riding an Amtrak train through Nebraska. It stopped in a small town no larger than a truck stop mall. I was not a paying passenger and my gig was up. I was nearly homeless and needed money. That's when I met Ron and started working construction. He was a bug-eyed and bald brick mason from North Carolina.

Ron was the kind of guy that acted nice to everyone. You know, in that passive-aggressive tactic that works so well? "Hey, can you tell us more about how your car has sick new speakers?" he would say to me with a smirk on his moon of a face. That cheesewheel son of a bitch made it a point to rip on me every chance he got. If I had a banana for lunch he would make some remark about how I was deficient in potassium.

Well, I was hauling bricks from the pile to the masons at work. (If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't be able to make good walls.) As I deposited my load, Ron muttered this sentence to a coworker as I walked away to get more bricks: "Stupid ass punk. I hope he gets run over by the Bobcat later." (The Bobcat is a versatile tractor capable of moving things that you cannot on your own.)

I had enough at this point. I was going to show Ron that he couldn't be a prick and get away with it. When he wasn't looking, I took a dump in his toolbox. Not right on top where he would find it immediately, but in the bottom under the tools not frequently used. He came to work the next day and I was excited to see what he would do about the gift I left him the day prior.

He didn't act any differently at all! I checked his tool box when I got the chance and it was still there. Not to be discouraged, I left him another one. This time it was in his lunch sack that lay next to the toolbox. The only problem was, it was still early morning and cold outside. You could see the steam rising from the butt nugget. I quickly shut his lunchbox and walked off. "Please, God. Don't let him find it before we leave the job site." I prayed.

Lunch time came around and my heart sank. I really should have thought this through and waited until after the midday break. He found the cold turd and flung the bag of nasty as far as he could and ran straight for the bossman. He sucker punched him in the face and they both got into a brawl. It was broken up shortly thereafter and he was fired and arrested. Man, that went better than I thought it would. Hang up old CD's in your garden to scare away the birds picking at your banana peppers.

TL;DR- She was very limber.

[–]pointsoutfittingname 62 points63 points ago

what a fitting username

[–]Keljhan 14 points15 points ago

How many times do you think you could reply to yourself before getting downvoted?

[–]Take_Me_To_Elysium 9 points10 points ago

Look at how long you've been a redditor.

[–]buhy97 6 points7 points ago

This, and it feels weird seeing white reddit..... How long have I been on night mode?

[–]Take_Me_To_Elysium 1 point2 points ago

I've never used night mode, but tried it out once. It completely changes the reddit experience. I just turned it on and am so used to white reddit that it's messing up my mind a little.

[–]buhy97 0 points1 point ago

That's how I was when I first tried it, but it is great for keeping your natural "night vision" late at night, so it just stuck with me.

[–]Xenophyophore 1 point2 points ago

if one adds it up, it is about -1 days.

[–]massrabbler 24 points25 points ago

what a fitting username

[–]PersonalSycophant 12 points13 points ago

You ruined it. Rabble more, dammit.

[–]Haha_MadeYouLook 22 points23 points ago

Is this the right place for novelty accounts?

[–]EvilPresence 9 points10 points ago

I'm going to kill you.

[–]Typical_Redditor_459 7 points8 points ago

Typical...

[–]VladimirStrelok 8 points9 points ago

Lets drink Vodka!

[–]DwellOnIt27 2 points3 points ago

I can't stop dwelling on this thread.

[–]soulBit 2 points3 points ago

I have you tagged as "EVIL GENIUS" now.

[–]ruslakallin 1 point2 points ago

What ?

[–]Tok153 0 points1 point ago

Who are you referring to with this statement, because either way you are correct.

[–]shafafa 3 points4 points ago

Damnit! I'm at work in an inbound call center. I reached the end of this post and started to hold back the laughter as best I could. Literally a second later my phone rings and I have to answer it. I busted out laughing at the caller. It was too much.

[–]Troycar 1 point2 points ago

What am I doing with my life?

[–]veo 2 points3 points ago

I love this novelty account.

[–]PhillupGraves 2 points3 points ago

You are my hero

[–]theshonquita 33 points34 points ago

http://www.reactionface.info/sites/default/files/images/1311948270220.jpg

[–]TjClacher 16 points17 points ago

Wonder if my lesbian friend will find this as funny as I did

[–]Slyfox00 9 points10 points ago

I did.

[–]lildevilin 5 points6 points ago

I sent it to my lesbian friend and she found it hilarious.

[–]PaintEater 3 points4 points ago

I did and we do.

[–]Schneeballschlacht 1 point2 points ago

I sent it to my girlfriend who started shark week today. We both found it funny. Thumbs up from this lesbian couple.

[–]Bradl3s 4 points5 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/cYars.jpg

.... Just sayin.

[–]Ninjan0kah 27 points28 points ago

Having the wierdest boner right now...

[–]burrito_brother 12 points13 points ago

When am I NOT having the weirdest boner...

[–]ThatDoesntEven 36 points37 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/BzBFW.gif

[–]swaggasaurus 16 points17 points ago

I am so confused..

[–]ThatDoesntEven 9 points10 points ago

Good.

[–]two_wheeled_unicycle 10 points11 points ago

BONER'S BACK! BONER'S BACK!

[–]matari 0 points1 point ago

confused? try fapping.

[–]clydefrog811 6 points7 points ago

The Neti pot!

[–]Claypool2112 0 points1 point ago

Why are you actually making me fap to this?

[–]omgimsue -1 points0 points ago

Why the fuck was that link purple for me?

[–]matari 0 points1 point ago

a long-forgotten fapping perhaps?

[–]Milkthistle38 0 points1 point ago

i love watching her soul leave her body as she presses the kettle to her nose.

[–]OmnipotentBagel 0 points1 point ago

Dave Foley really did hit on hard times after Newsradio, didn't he?

[–]this_sort_of_thing 1 point2 points ago

Ah, it's not really weird. Come on, hot lesbians

[–]nermid 22 points23 points ago

I'm surprised that changing the gender of the meme garnered so much attention for you. Cheers.

[–]NatalieTatalie 38 points39 points ago

Nah, a picture of a cute girl will always get upvotes, especially if it's about sex. Of course there's always the exception of if it's a picture a girl posted of herself, then she's an attention whore deserving of scorn.

[–]Evercrimson 3 points4 points ago

Your statement has been vetted for truthiness, and it has been found to be 100% accurate.

[–]eagerpegasus 5 points6 points ago

Seriously. Several people have said that they're absolutely disgusted. Maybe they've never seen/heard of the original joke (with a male)?

[–]nermid 1 point2 points ago

To be fair, there's substantially more blood in this one. Perhaps that's what's getting them?

[–]EpicJ 9 points10 points ago

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you next month

[–]studmuffffffin 3 points4 points ago

You know how some guys can suck their own penises? I wonder if some women can do the same with their parts.

[–]suddenlybats98 0 points1 point ago

look it up.

[–]brajx 0 points1 point ago

Auto...cunnilingus?

[–]deeeznutzz 14 points15 points ago

i wish i could express the look of disgust on my face after looking at this picture

[–]NoseFetish 30 points31 points ago

Here is a picture of 33 days of a period from inside the vagina. The hole you see, that is the external OS of the cervix. All natural born babies pass through it. It's size ranges from that of a pinhead, to dilating up to 10 cm during childbirth.

NSFW/ANATOMY

http://i.imgur.com/XBP5K.jpg

The picture was taken from a website named

http://www.beautifulcervix.com

The Beautiful Cervix Project is a grassroots movement celebrating the beauty and intricacies of women’s bodies and fertility! This website provides accessible information about women’s fertility and menstrual cycles and showcases photographs documenting changes in the cervix and cervical fluid throughout the cycle.

The Beautiful Cervix Project teaches cervical self-exam and fertility awareness as a revolutionary path of promoting respect, confidence, and health. We believe that this form of self-empowerment and education will help contradict shame and misinformation around women’s reproductive health and choices, affecting positive change from the personal to global levels.

[–]DuurtyChemistry 6 points7 points ago

i read the WHOLE thing

[–]theduck11 0 points1 point ago

Damnit, and here I am, fresh out of gold stars =[...

[–]Mad_Madam_Mim 7 points8 points ago

That was really informative! I had always associated the yellow cervical fluid as an indication of infection.

the more you know

[–]NoseFetish 2 points3 points ago

What's interesting is how important cervical mucus is and how it can be used along with the position of the cervix as an indicator of fertility. In latin cervix means "the neck of the womb", and it couldn't be more fitting.

During menstruation the cervix stretches open slightly to allow the endometrium to be shed. This stretching is believed to be part of the cramping pain that many women experience. Evidence for this is given by the fact that some women's cramps subside or disappear after their first vaginal birth because the cervical opening has widened. During childbirth, contractions of the uterus will dilate the cervix up to 10 cm in diameter to allow the child to pass through.

Also, without cervical mucus, sperm wouldn't survive in the vagina.

Cervical Mucus refers to a jelly-ish substance produced by a woman’s body during her monthly cycle. Cervical mucus resembles the white of an egg. Cervical mucus is an important part of conceiving. Cervical mucus helps the sperm to survive once inside a woman’s body, and helps the sperm get to the egg so that the egg can be fertilized.

Cervical mucus protects sperm from the acidic content of the vagina. The acids in the vagina typically will stop sperm from moving an neutralize them. Cervical mucus provides a place for sperm to go where it can be protected from these acids. In addition, cervical mucus will help sperm to travel up the uterus into the fallopian tubes to find an egg. Finally, cervical mucus will often detect sperm that are abnormal and slow them down, keeping them from getting to the egg and causing conception.

These three links will tell you almost everything you want to know about cervical mucus

One

Two

Three

Additionally, here is everything you ever wanted to know about menstrual cramps and what causes them.

http://www.medicinenet.com/menstrual_cramps/article.htm

[–]SinofOmission 5 points6 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/Z7Gpf.gif

[–]Titties 3 points4 points ago

The human body is vile. Thank Xenu for alcohol.

[–]Evercrimson -5 points-4 points ago

Seriously, stfu.

Western society is already imbued with the ideology that the natural female body is dirty, gross, something to be ashamed of, and your word "vile". The natural processes of the female form are downplayed as something disgusting, while equally "gross" processes in the male form are put on a pedestal. Their bodies are far more intricate then ours, but are no less deserving of respect then the male analogue.

[–]quitelikeme 7 points8 points ago

Look, you can shove your PCness up your wazoo.

Above picture certainly does not constitute what the majority regards as "beautiful".

In fact, I'd recommend the follwing. Print out the picture, show it your girl-friends and watch their reaction. Don't mention it's their vagina.

I'm 100% certain you'll get lots and lots of "eeeewwww". And rightfully so.

I also guess equal pictures of my digestive tract would look equally repulsive.

[–]cords55 7 points8 points ago

Alright, let's try this. The human body, with out regard to race, creed, or gender, is pretty fucking gross. Kind of cool in a Dirty Jobs sort of way, but still pretty grody.

[–]lethrowface 1 point2 points ago

human body

OMG SO SEXIST Y U SAYING WOMEN HAVE GROSS BODIES WTF MEN GROSS TOO

Are you retarded?

[–]wineismygod 3 points4 points ago

And where exactly did he/she mention sex? Relax, knight of SRS.

[–]ChristheCunt 1 point2 points ago

There it is. The inspiration I needed to get the fuck off reddit and start work on my essay.

[–]deeeznutzz 0 points1 point ago

i hate you

[–]JpLosman 0 points1 point ago

http://imgur.com/gallery/I8CZK

[–]Titties 4 points5 points ago

Fun fact. That guy is one of the Columbine survivors.

[–]HeyOP 1 point2 points ago

I want to believe you. Make me believe you please.

[–]Mykittyissmart 0 points1 point ago

Someone hasn't yet gotten their red wings!

[–]deeeznutzz 0 points1 point ago

never will.....

[–]weapongod30 3 points4 points ago

Here, let me help you

[–]deeeznutzz 0 points1 point ago

i feel like my mouth was just a tad bit more distorted to the left

[–]Koncur 5 points6 points ago

I've never thought of this before: I wonder if the periods of lesbians sync up with their girlfriends?

[–]_wait_what_now 11 points12 points ago

...yes. yes they do. & not just 1 couple, either. entire lesbian friend circles can sync dangerously close. SO. many. feelings.

[–]tecksbuk 8 points9 points ago

My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 2 years and we still haven't synced up! I think one of us is broken.

[–]_wait_what_now 1 point2 points ago

haha, broken, or blessed? :]

[–]hello_sirs 6 points7 points ago

It is widely disputed if periods sync like that: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=do-women-who-live-together-menstruate-together

[–]ZapActions-dower 4 points5 points ago

Based solely on anecdotal evidence, I can say that periods do end up syncing. Or at least they are some times synchronized for no apparent reason.

[–]wineismygod 0 points1 point ago

Anecdotally, PMS causes massive mood swings. A recent large study at the University of Toronto can't find evidence of it source.

[–]shzftw 2 points3 points ago

oh yes...

[–]noclipn1nja 2 points3 points ago

/r/ttotm enter if you dare

[–]Sinkey07 1 point2 points ago

worst click of my entire existence

[–]noclipn1nja 1 point2 points ago

you were warned

[–]mountaincyclops 1 point2 points ago

You sir issued a dare. I took it in stride, and fapped to that.

[–]TheForceiswithus 3 points4 points ago

There are no words...

[–]MidnightTurdBurglar 31 points32 points ago

Grow a pair, pansy.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Cynikal818 2 points3 points ago

don't stick your tongue in the hole...just hit the clit with a mini-tongue-tornado...preferably in the shower.

my girls always look at me weird when I bring it up. "really?...you're down"...

"yes".

"holy shit, that was awesome"...

aaaaaaaaannnd they love you long time.

[–]bgrugby60 1 point2 points ago

it is the endometrium chunks.

That'll do

[–]mountaincyclops 0 points1 point ago

And start fapping.

[–]TheForceiswithus -3 points-2 points ago

I have quite a magnificent pair, actually. If you'd like you may come over and I'll put them in your mouth; they're like fuzzy Ferrero Rochers...

[–]concordefallacy 4 points5 points ago

Your balls melt if left in the backseat of my car as I grab milk from Publix?

[–]TheForceiswithus 0 points1 point ago

Lol. Perhaps, depending on if the sex is good enough. Though it's been a while since I've done it in the back of car...

[–]UndercoverPotato 0 points1 point ago

Your balls... are fuzzy?

[–]TheForceiswithus 1 point2 points ago

Ever since puberty.

[–]UndercoverPotato 1 point2 points ago

Yeah but "fuzzy" is a bit far isn't it? Are you growing three beards?

[–]virak_john 1 point2 points ago

It's called a scrotee.

[–]code_makes_me_happy 0 points1 point ago

Shortened. :(

[–]capnjack78 1 point2 points ago

Yes there are:

Not funny.

[–]DIP_MY_BALLS_IN_IT 4 points5 points ago

Thanks.

[–]tytotabuki 31 points32 points ago

What about this one?

[–]Cstolworthy 14 points15 points ago

That is... horrifying

[–]cleverlyannoying 11 points12 points ago

Great Odin's raven that's horrific.

[–]Zeppern 1 point2 points ago

Hugin or Munin?

[–]EasyP 1 point2 points ago

Muninn I guess, but I'm not big on the T2 cruisers in general.

[–]Xerazal 3 points4 points ago

Please excuse me while I go tear my eyes out and soak my eyeless pits in rubbing alcohol..

[–]snapperh3ad 0 points1 point ago

I still have the goddamned podboob image stuck in my head. It haunts me.

[–]melance 0 points1 point ago

Oh no, here comes Louie.

[–]kung_fugazi 3 points4 points ago

Real men have their red wings. It's just blood. Don't be such a pussy about it.

[–]a1pha_ 22 points23 points ago

Real men don't let Reddit tell them what real men are.

[–]Rangourthaman_ -3 points-2 points ago

Red wings; check

Golden wings: check

Brown wings: ...well, I guess that one time kinda counts, so yes: Check.

Edit: I'm a merry rainbow bird!

[–]JaxRiens 1 point2 points ago

Green Wings Black Wings

these are the wings that start getting really weird.

[–]Punkmaffles 0 points1 point ago

Golden wings....does that have something to do with pee...

[–]bigdicksidekick 1 point2 points ago

That would imply something horrible for brown wings.

[–]pburn883 0 points1 point ago

that or puss...... lets hope for pee though

[–]zoomish 2 points3 points ago

I do it, and they should as well.

[–]MangledPumpkin -1 points0 points ago

That actually made me laugh out loud.

[–]JonnyPStar 0 points1 point ago

Suddenly I'm hungry.

[–]kelbee -1 points0 points ago

i'll admit it, i totally thought this was funny..what a good lesbian..

[–]skrangle 1 point2 points ago

Urgh...

[–]Gebus 0 points1 point ago

like, ohmygod

[–]Inhumanfrog 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of Thirteen from House. This girl looks a little like her too

[–]Buttwholetroll 5 points6 points ago

Honestly, I'd tap that.

[–]NomDePlumeAussi 0 points1 point ago

There is something seriously wrong with you SaltyMargarita.

[–]creepy_is_what_I_do 1 point2 points ago

Oral sex, parking lot and blood? Reminds me of elementary school.

[–]DoubleSpinalTap 0 points1 point ago

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See ya next month!

[–]bleedscarlet -1 points0 points ago

This might be one of the best things I've seen on Reddit.

[–]WhoLovesLou 0 points1 point ago

I saw so much of this look at a Marilyn Manson concert last week.

Is it a zombie, or are they taking a cue from Type O Negative?

[–]xhaku -1 points0 points ago

Why does this seem so much grosser when it is perceived as period blood? If it was regular blood I'd just be like "oh cool". Period blood "Ew".

[–]jturkish 0 points1 point ago

How do you know the waitress is mad at you when ordering a bloody Mary?

She leaves the string in

[–]VirogenicFawn21 -1 points0 points ago

Except this wasn't funny..

[–]welfaremofo 0 points1 point ago

yikes

[–]remhawk99 0 points1 point ago

Ewwwwww. (Upvote.)

[–]bagzilla 0 points1 point ago

Haha eeeewwww...

[–]MusicMagi 0 points1 point ago

hot

[–]Lilday 0 points1 point ago

...And a real hero.

[–]Mickey_oNeal 1 point2 points ago

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Seriously I prefer eating out over anal.

[–]ViralPoker 0 points1 point ago

My GF is eating a taco and I showed her this while she was chewing. Her comment 'this taco really doesn't taste the same'.

[–]SpaceFloow 0 points1 point ago

That looks surprisingly real. Like she's in shock after a hostage situation went terribly wrong. Scary..

[–]ratzel 0 points1 point ago

Legit made me laugh out loud like reddit rarely does. Bravo, good sir. golf clap

[–]JohnTheLeatherman 0 points1 point ago

I've been all over the internet for years. I like to tell people "Ive seen it all." I've seen the the blue waffle, cumbox, hungry bitches, pain olympics, and many more. This is the first image I've seen that made me gag a bit.

[–]Hougigo -1 points0 points ago

A real lesbian eats DA ASSHOLE on shark week.

[–]BrianGumble 0 points1 point ago

LOL

[–]pandacorn 0 points1 point ago

Kinda related, I've always wanted dress as a Vampire Tampon for Halloween.

[–]Allthatisjay 0 points1 point ago

Even on heavy flow days.. the love keeps flowin'.

[–]Evercrimson 0 points1 point ago

This is what Diva cups are for.

[–]imaami 0 points1 point ago

I've heard that if it's a legitimate lesbian then the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down.

[–]SomethingClepher 0 points1 point ago

I don't understand this picture... How did this happen

[–]vamosj 0 points1 point ago

I just threw up in my mouth....

[–]SocialistBunny 1 point2 points ago

Got the same kinda comments with my costume.

[–]bmward105 0 points1 point ago

Does anyone else have a questionable boner?

[–]mg3729 0 points1 point ago

Bet she never thought that costume would come back to haunt her..

[–]Niall_ 0 points1 point ago

Cue Bruce Campbell

[–]AfroBro 0 points1 point ago

Well... Did not see that coming.

[–]TylerTman -2 points-1 points ago

thats a /r/WTF

nahh its funny in a weird way

[–]Vee_Vee -1 points0 points ago

God this sub sucks dog shit.

[–]yeawhateva14 1 point2 points ago

Through thin flow and thick

[–]melance 0 points1 point ago

Through thick and thin, chunky and smooth.

[–]revkaboose 1 point2 points ago

My legit facial expression when I read the caption: http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web02/2009/8/15/0/do-not-want-13002-1250311752-0.jpg

[–]Desmond___Hume 1 point2 points ago

Stupid.

[–]BrotherDamascus 1 point2 points ago

/r/Iam14andthisisfunny

[–]1millionaccounts -1 points0 points ago

If I had a girlfriend, I would love her every day of the month.

[–]Evercrimson 0 points1 point ago

I have a girlfriend and I do.

Diva cups make this possible.

[–]1millionaccounts 0 points1 point ago

Tampons aren't that bad either.

[–]Evercrimson 0 points1 point ago

My girlfriend hasn't used anything other than Diva Cups since I met her, so I wouldn't know anything about Tampons.

Either way, guys need to get over it. They aren't going to get cooties this late in life.

[–]nbadog -2 points-1 points ago

a real lesbian isn't this hot.

[–]Salty23 1 point2 points ago

Two words

Amber Heard

[–]icky_boo -1 points0 points ago

She's bi.

She recently dumped Johnny Depp after "coming out in 2010"... The girl is confused or sleeping her way to the top of Hollywood. The line starts with me though.

[–]daxinn 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one who thinks she is hot?

[–]Evercrimson 0 points1 point ago

Pretty is the word that came to mind, but yes hot will stand in as well.

[–]monsterflake 0 points1 point ago

appropriate comment count?

[–]foolin -4 points-3 points ago

I had a female who tried to convince me to go downtown when it was that time. I said no way jose, and she proclaimed other dudes did it for her. I informed her to start searching for them then.

[–]EzronKun -4 points-3 points ago

I loled

[–]suddenlybats98 -3 points-2 points ago

of god female ejaculation plus that time of the monthhttp://cheezburger.com/5670894592

[–]Titties 0 points1 point ago

Female ejaculation comes out of the urethra, not the vagina.

[–]menses_is_funny -2 points-1 points ago

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Heheheheheee! LOL! LMFAO!

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