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top 200 commentsshow all 258

[–]Biggins2010 199 points200 points ago

hahaha. i wish my news feed was as entertaining as your news feed.

[–]AaronM09 22 points23 points ago

Let's trade.

[–]Akriyu 6 points7 points ago

My news feed is only about peoples GF/BF's and the rest is just statuses about how much girls love eachother :(

[–]Biggins2010 6 points7 points ago

Mine is primarily filled with the same two people constantly complaining about everything in their life. I'm just like ''seriously, shut the fuck up already''.

[–]Akriyu 7 points8 points ago

Just troll them eventually they'll stop. I know a girl who posts statuses everyday trying to be philosophic and deep. Something like: "Lifes hard, and even harder if you're stupid"

I usually reply with: Or don't have any arms. She usually just deletes my comment but I just repost it until she deletes it.

[–]Khalexus 2 points3 points ago

The ones who delete your comments are the worst. Such sooks.

[–]Biggins2010 2 points3 points ago

Haha! If that was on my news feed, I would like the shit out of it.

[–]cjackw -2 points-1 points ago

You can just unfriend them or have them not show up on your newsfeed. It really isn't that difficult.

[–]leostotch 3 points4 points ago

But significantly less fun.

[–]revolvingdoor 2 points3 points ago

Mine are just pages I subscribe to :-(

[–]SpectreOfMalta 1 point2 points ago

Mine is filled with a bunch of morons requesting answers on ask.fm

[–]thearrowinurknee 1 point2 points ago

mine is all one direction misused memes and like whores if your into that then would gladly trade

[–]Gfresh404 161 points162 points ago

What kind of douchebag brags on facebook about getting a bj from their girlfriend? - supposedly someone they care about

[–]Smaktat 119 points120 points ago

What kind of a douchebag brags about getting a BJ? 14 year olds.

[–]sugarkid 38 points39 points ago

Or adults with a 14 year old's mentality, which is even worse.

[–]jot8228 3 points4 points ago

What kind of loser lies about getting a BJ? Yep, you guessed it, 14 year olds.

[–]Aoife246 11 points12 points ago

silly little boys who think they're cool because they got a blowjob.

[–]Waffles81 35 points36 points ago

Douchebags that feel the need to have sex in order to feel straight.

"LOOK GUYS, IM STRAIGHT!!"

[–]highruleking 8 points9 points ago

Then they come out at your 10 year high school reunion

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

[–]SirAuron 6 points7 points ago

Yeah, I mean, I was just here getting my dick sucked and was astonished that someone would do that. Stupid autocorrect: I meant duck stuffed.

[–]standingboot9 428 points429 points ago

What a scum bag. Props to dad for saving his daughter from that moron

[–]yellowjelloknap93 457 points458 points ago

Serves him right.

[–]wojx 24 points25 points ago

Hell yeah.

[–]Cynikal818 22 points23 points ago

...for being friends with his SO's parents on Fb.

who the fuck does that? take it for what it is, but helllll no...there is some shit I don't need my SOs parents knowing about me.

shit...I'm not even friends with some family members I have that live in the Bible Belt. I don't need them thinking I'm some spawn of Satan.

[–]SaltyBabe 60 points61 points ago

Either way, if you're mature enough to be having sex hopefully you're mature enough to not post explicit garbage like this. I'd be incredibly offended if my BF was talking about me going down on him in his status updates.

[–]Cynikal818 1 point2 points ago

No no, you're right on that. But I still wouldn't want her parents to see...lets say, me drunk as fuck at a football game or my buddys BBQ or things of that nature.

[–]zgh5002 13 points14 points ago

Probably doesn't even have them friended. He just has shit for privacy settings.

[–]Cynikal818 -4 points-3 points ago

Yeah, I got trolled once and now you can't even find me if you type in my name or email...

which reminds me, I have to go relax that shit right now, a couple lady friends from school wanted to add me

[–]nononao 1 point2 points ago

you realize they are dudes, right

[–]Cynikal818 -1 points0 points ago

huh...

I see how you're trying to make some middle school joke...but it doesn't even make sense...

idk, I shouldn't expect much from /r/facepalm...carry on

[–]byramike 2 points3 points ago

Sometimes people have it set to 'friends of friends' or whatever and it'll come up on their news feeds. All my posts are public so I always get all sorts of strangers commenting, but I don't mind because I'm not an asshole.

[–]mrteapoon 0 points1 point ago

If there is anyone on the face planet that shouldn't see something you want to post, then don't post it.

[–]ChickinSammich 0 points1 point ago

I have my mother-in-law on my FB list and my wife has my father on hers.

But then, we don't post stuff about our sex life on Facebook either.

[–]Cynikal818 0 points1 point ago

No doubt what he did was fucking retarded. I still wouldn't have them on because I still party and make shitty/dirty/rude jokes. My friends laugh at that shit. Parents probably wouldn't. They'd think I'm an asshole...when in all reality I just have a sense of humor about things that they probably wouldn't appreciate.

If, through conversation, I found out that my SOs parents we cool with the jokes and stuff...sure, maybe I'd add them...but I still think it's just unnecessary.

[–]ChickinSammich 0 points1 point ago

Mine are cool with the dirty/raunchy stuff.

[–]Killer_Hammy 83 points84 points ago

Oh man, what an idiot.

[–]15rthughes 66 points67 points ago

What a fucking moron

[–]FinalCaveat 44 points45 points ago

Justice is served for once. People don't realize how much of an impact you can make by posting a status these days.

[–]hung_like_a_hanger 0 points1 point ago

Very true. It's best to think VERY carefully before posting something questionable.

[–]lolz_at_your_cock 70 points71 points ago

This may be the best thing I've seen on this subreddit. good show ol' chap!

[–]wha7thmah 1 point2 points ago

Jolly good showww!!

[–]OnThePlusSide 162 points163 points ago

On the plus side, the girl learned not to suck anyone's dick who has a bigger mouth than she does.

[–]BranVan 35 points36 points ago

[–]iLuVtiffany 29 points30 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/I0O59.gif

Why would you even post that?

[–]ImAmazing 28 points29 points ago

Not that this kid isn't a tool, but I will never understand why some people add their parents on Facebook. I spent most of my teen years trying to ensure my parents had no earthly idea what I was getting up to.

[–]its_raining_resin 18 points19 points ago

My parents made me add them, claiming if I didn't I obviously have "something to hide".

There's a post option that lets you hide posts from specific people, though, so that fixed that.

[–]Zkenny13 5 points6 points ago

It's not just my parents. Now both my grandmothers have one also two of my aunts.

[–]free_dead_puppy 1 point2 points ago

Yep you just have to be smart and cover your tracks.

[–]kajunkennyg 6 points7 points ago

Put parents, family, gf's parents in a group and your buddies in another group. Then when posting this kind of shit, post it to the buddies group only. Sigh....

[–]bunbun22 19 points20 points ago

Or, you know, don't post it at all.

[–]Sharopo 0 points1 point ago

Let alone his girlfriends parents?

[–]1silversword 0 points1 point ago

I added them on FB. Though, I never post anything anything even slightly personal to it.

[–]CaptainJackSparrow23 22 points23 points ago

I have a question. Why do British people put a 'x' at the end of a status or comment?

[–]shredster 21 points22 points ago

x stands for "kiss", kind of. xoxo is "kisses and hugs". ^_^

[–]TheKnightsWhoSay 23 points24 points ago

Huh, i thought 'x' was a universally known symbol for kiss...

[–]Katana622 10 points11 points ago

I thought X was hugs because it kinda looks like crossed arms and O looks like a mouth. :O O:

[–]Goonsta 11 points12 points ago

Or O is hugs because you 'circle' your arms around them, and kissing is X because you pucker your mouth and that's an X somehow.

[–]CobraCommanderp 3 points4 points ago

I've seen XOXO plenty of times. I've recently seen "xxx" from a girl I know. As in "I've missed you too. Lets do dinner soon! XXX". It always seems dirty to me.

[–]Aoife246 11 points12 points ago

when i see xxx i always think of moonshine

[–]Sharopo 9 points10 points ago

I'm pretty sure xxx means something else.

[–]Teiresias666 5 points6 points ago

Vin Diesel?

[–]DestruKaneda 3 points4 points ago

30

[–]Thermodynamicist 2 points3 points ago

I think it's actually not an X but rather Χ, derived from the Chi Rho; Wikipedia would appear to agree with this etymology.

The same logic applies to abbreviating "Christmas" to "X-mas".

[–]SeriousUsername 0 points1 point ago

I've wondered this often...

[–]seriously-akward10 2 points3 points ago

Which is why most of us just put xoxo instead of trying to differentiate. "ahhh just mash em together I cant remember which is which anyway".

[–]nononao 0 points1 point ago

hugs and kisses are to xo/ox as cream and sugar are to single-double/double-single

[–]Sisaac 2 points3 points ago

That looks like CPR.

[–]tjhans 2 points3 points ago

I have never really seen it out of context of oxox or something similar, so assuming I'm not the only one, that is probably what threw them off.

[–]CaptainJackSparrow23 2 points3 points ago

That makes sense. I guess I was just wondering why it is only my British friends do this. I guess a culture thing developed somehow.

[–]flytaggart1 9 points10 points ago

In your defense, British teens are all over the place when they type.

[–]feduplaughs 6 points7 points ago

Slightly related.. All my Russian speaking friends make smiley faces in there comments that look like this )

It took me forever to get it... It was like.. Hi! Whats up? ))

[–]aspmaster 12 points13 points ago

Did they lose their eyes in Siberia or Chernobyl or something? (

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

oh god interpals

[–]chris_bro_chill 10 points11 points ago

I wish more dads acted like this guy. I watch the high school guys I coach blatantly treat girls like crap/like this and the dads just watch it happen to their daughters. Good to see someone manning up and protecting his daughter like a father should.

[–]bokurai 7 points8 points ago

Maybe the fathers of the high school guys (or you, a guy in a position of respect and authority) should tell them it's not okay to treat other people like that, and ensure that the people they're being jerks to realize that they don't have to put up with that type of treatment.

[–]chris_bro_chill 3 points4 points ago

Trust me, I try. I understand that it goes both ways, but I was mostly referring to this situation. As a coach and Young Life leader, it is my job to teach them how to be a man, but after 14-18 years of being like this, some habits are hard to break.

[–]Jon76 11 points12 points ago

I really hope his girlfriend broke up with him because he's an idiot and not because her parents forced her or something like that.

[–]shotglassanhero 9 points10 points ago

I don't think people understand the power of the internet and the ramifications of their output

[–]ExistentLOList 8 points9 points ago

First time I actively hope a post here is real. That guy apparently has no class; he deserves to be embarrassed, called out, and made single.

[–]SnazzyNannersz 6 points7 points ago

You dun goofed... Dun goofed bad...

[–]iama_XXL 2 points3 points ago

I've seen one like this on my FB involving a friends dad's car. But this was far better.

[–]EXV 6 points7 points ago

Now THIS is what /r/facepalm should be all about!!

[–]GNsLifeStories 27 points28 points ago

Why can´t I hold all these WIN´s?

[–]probably_high 48 points49 points ago

Use the key to the right of the semicolon to make the apostrophe. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Their_Police 14 points15 points ago

Or just don't use apostrophes where they don't belong. Whichever.

[–]ChickinSammich 0 points1 point ago

Here comes an s!

[–]GNsLifeStories 1 point2 points ago

German keyboard, mate!

[–]nononao 0 points1 point ago

Dude, you dont even know. Youll never know.

[–]SocialBunny198 15 points16 points ago

Please x post this to r/cringe, they'll love it.

[–]HotDinnerBatman 6 points7 points ago

Singsong

Deseeeerrrved iiiiitttt

[–]redditat-tat 0 points1 point ago

Douche chiiilllllll

[–]disturbedpigeon 8 points9 points ago

Why do people say such stupid shit on facebook? Are people really that desperate for attention and the approval of others?

[–]mik3 14 points15 points ago

yes.

[–]beefJeRKy-LB 4 points5 points ago

This is both a facepalm and a Facebook win. Props.

[–]Android_McDownload 9 points10 points ago

I'll bet the kiss with her parents lasted longer.

[–]lameandgay 2 points3 points ago

Hopefully that was the best bj he ever got

[–]nononao 0 points1 point ago

Probably gonna be the last for awhile, unless he stops adding people to his Facebook.

Un-fucking-likely.

[–]HarryBlessKnapp 1 point2 points ago

I reckon this is bullshit as well, but the Dad mentioning frape isn't really why.

[–]kabiff 2 points3 points ago

Needs to be crossposted to r/cringe...

[–]selflessGene 0 points1 point ago

did he apologize? if he did, post that and comments.

[–]Maximus93 2 points3 points ago

[–]2yysforyou 0 points1 point ago

And Darwin's Natural Selection comes into play. Another retard with no woman. NICE.

[–]dancerjedi 2 points3 points ago

fraped?

[–]ChalakoMassi 3 points4 points ago

I had to google that. It's like when you leave your Facebook signed in and someone posts embarrassing statuses or sends out mails to strangers etc. it's a combination of 'Facebook' and 'rape'.

[–]darkscream 2 points3 points ago

yep, dont use facebook

[–]johnnys-inferno 2 points3 points ago

3 words: serves him right.

[–]Dogvillain 2 points3 points ago

I think i just saw the best facebook moment of my life. Even if it is a fake.

[–]TheYayArea 4 points5 points ago

What an idiot

[–]RepublicofTim 6 points7 points ago

If you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis; if you have a girl, you have to worry about every penis in the world.

[–]too_many_secrets 8 points9 points ago

That's what chainsaws are for.

[–]ordona 2 points3 points ago

I feel like between that comment and your username, there's a story that connects the two.

[–]bokurai 7 points8 points ago

Nonsense, just teach your daughter to watch out for red flags in people, what it means to be in a healthy relationship, and make sure she has a lot of self-respect. She'll be empowered to say no to douchebags and yes to great people.

[–]ChalakoMassi 3 points4 points ago

Sometimes when you are young, your judgement is clouded by peer pressure or gullibility that can only be learnt through bad choices and bitter experiences. During these times it's always good to have your loved ones look out for you.

[–]nononao 0 points1 point ago

Or just be a recluse - worked for me...

[–]bokurai 0 points1 point ago

Having your loved ones gently guide you in the right direction is fine, but I'm just imagining an overly controlling father running off his daughter's boyfriends with a shotgun or something.

[–]whatwereyouthinking 3 points4 points ago

Why is the M in mobile uppercase on the original post, and the others are lower?

[–]Ennil 4 points5 points ago

The "via ..." is user specific. That's why you have people sending messages via their toaster or microwave.

[–]jadefirefly 3 points4 points ago

... I am so going to set mine to show that it's from my toaster.

[–]nononao 0 points1 point ago

... how?

[–]V1bration 2 points3 points ago

Loling at this dumbass.

[–]I_Like_Trains69 0 points1 point ago

apparently 15 minutes plus 19 minutes equals 2 hours

[–]wettam 5 points6 points ago

Well in his defense he could have first seen the 2 hour old status and then 19 minutes later saw the other status. That's how I understood it.

[–]I_Like_Trains69 0 points1 point ago

Fair enough. I guess I'm just an asshole

[–]steelfrog 1 point2 points ago

It's okay, this is Reddit. We're all assholes.

[–]reddog2442 1 point2 points ago

Welp. If you look at the dad's comment, it was posted 34 minutes ago. And then 19 minutes later, the dude posted that he was single. So. 15+19 = 34.

[–]mortimernova 0 points1 point ago

i'm so glad i have a son and not a daughter. i would be doing a whole lot more than banning him from the house and demanding an apology...

[–]JohnAdamZiolkowski 4 points5 points ago

Yay, sexism!

[–]dumkopf604 5 points6 points ago

More like, "Yay, double standard!"

[–]bokurai 7 points8 points ago

Isn't that sexism?

[–]nononao -1 points0 points ago

Not always.

[–]Texasian 1 point2 points ago

His name is Ledge? Who names their kid Ledge?

[–]Shappie 4 points5 points ago

True story time.

My mom used to be a Special Education teacher. Once, she had a kid in her class named Ledge. I thought this was hilarious until she named the rest of the family. All together it's the parents with two normal names that I forget and their darling children, Ledge, Ridge, Koi, and Teak.

Bonus fun fact: The father wanted to name the kids 'Touch' or 'Take' because their last name (which I won't straight up say but you can probably figure out) would make them into sports terms.

Edit: Fuck me I remembered the other names. Buck..and Brick. Yes. Brick.

[–]EvilFuckingSociopath 0 points1 point ago

Not sure if joking but ledge is short for legend.

[–]Texasian 4 points5 points ago

I kinda assumed it was a parent yelling at their kid, since the first and third comments were the same color, and the third one says "us parents"

[–]jadefirefly 3 points4 points ago

Who names their kid Legend?

[–]Eceer704 1 point2 points ago

Twist: he was the moron.

[–]Tonynapalm 1 point2 points ago

what a douche bag -_- smh

[–]antipropeganda 0 points1 point ago

irish too?

[–]bobdylans49thbeard 0 points1 point ago

“...Wasn’t best pleased...”

What?

[–]user_naem 4 points5 points ago

British for "fucking furious"

[–]bobdylans49thbeard 1 point2 points ago

I had no idea.

What else haven't you told me?!

[–]charoh 0 points1 point ago

Nevermind. Saw it!

[–]WestenM 1 point2 points ago

Most of the time the content on this subreddit is pure shit about misinterpreted jokes or things that are entirely humorless. Today, however, was different. Good job on posting something that made me laugh my ass off.

[–]CBruce 0 points1 point ago

"Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof."

[–]Raven_Rise -1 points0 points ago

That's still a complete "win" in my book for the guy.

[–]ewoksandcandycorn 2 points3 points ago

Why? Because he got a blowjob? If getting a blowjob is your idea of a win, you should probably raise your standards a little bit.

[–]Cognitive_Ecologist 0 points1 point ago

DM;GBJ

[–]nononao 2 points3 points ago

That g can go both ways, man.

[–]CoastTrash228 0 points1 point ago

Debatably the most brutal one I've ever read.. My entire body hurts for some reason..

[–]felixnothus 0 points1 point ago

[–]TalonX1982 0 points1 point ago

Oh...that..that was painful to read. How stupid are people? Really, you put that on facebook? That guy is a moron. Wow. Just, wow.

[–]bohemianmichfestie 0 points1 point ago

Justice, nothing more, nothing less.

[–]HarryBlessKnapp 0 points1 point ago

Dad's an idiot as well.

[–]manaphany 0 points1 point ago

If I was that girl, I would be SO MAD that it's not even funny. Heck, I probably would've broken up with him. If I hadn't already died from embarrassment.

[–]alanajane 0 points1 point ago

oh my god!

[–]cwall4995 -1 points0 points ago

I don't even understand the things the "dad" was saying... What's a slag? What does fraped mean? And why would he ever allow him over again even if he did publicly apologize? I mean I can use context clues to understand, but I would think someone's "dad" would use less slang.

[–]Taylor_Kittenface 0 points1 point ago

A slag is a slut. Fraped is when you leave yourself signed into Facebook and someone else posts an embarassing status on your behalf. I guess because kids say stupid things that might not actually be true, Dad is wise enough to understand his daughter might be sexually active, but his problem was with this chap making it public knowledge.

[–]DICKTracey 1 point2 points ago

Okay, that was so stupid of him to post in the first place. But considering he was at a point of no return I would like to think that if I was him at that moment I would have replied to her dad with "Oh you're just jealous that your daughter does things that you wish your wife would do!"

However, I would never get the chance to use that reply because I wouldn't brag about getting a blowjob on facebook.

[–]sycos21 -1 points0 points ago

The moment it says 19 minutes later and you look at the times for one 2 hours ago and 15 minutes ago.... yes that is 19 minutes.

[–]w3rt 0 points1 point ago

Some people have no common sense ...

[–]samitoo 1 point2 points ago

so the dad knew what frape was and not me. I'm such an old man

[–]A_Pissed_Penguin 0 points1 point ago

the guy you coloured grey is also a hypocrite saying 'ledge!' to the status and then saying 'why us parents have facebook'

[–]swuuggle -1 points0 points ago

His daughter is clearly a whore and he clearly is a shitty parent, but then blames it on him.

[–]ohjbird3 1 point2 points ago

How do guys with double digit IQ's keep getting girls?

[–]solitaryman098 13 points14 points ago

You know that statistically half the population has double digit IQ's right?

[–]katacarbix 4 points5 points ago

The change it to

guys with an IQ of a brick

[–]Tehan -1 points0 points ago

IQ is a bell curve so a large chunk of the population will be sitting on exactly 100, and half of that chunk will be below average while still having triple-digit IQs.

So, statistically, slightly under half the population has double-digit IQs.

[–]mik3 4 points5 points ago

they get girls with double digit iqs...

[–]heavyshark 0 points1 point ago

so fake...

[–]psychroclasm -3 points-2 points ago

Damn. One blowjob, and she's a slag?

[–]GJR8 0 points1 point ago

I cant begin to fathom how he thought this was a good idea

[–]belabourer 0 points1 point ago

is "fraped" a thing now?

[–]katacarbix 4 points5 points ago

What does that mean anyways?

[–]L1M3 4 points5 points ago

Facebook raped aka someone jumping on your page and posting an embarrassing status.

[–]IthinktherforeIthink 1 point2 points ago

Facebook rape I'm guessing where someone hijacks your status

[–]PolanetaryForotdds 0 points1 point ago

He was high on frapées?

[–]samu2121 0 points1 point ago

burrrrn

[–]slawre89 -3 points-2 points ago

This was dumb on this guy's part but I don't think she should have broken up with him and her parents shouldn't ban the guy from their house.

By this point the guy should just laugh and call the dad "cocklips" or something, he doesn't have anything else to lose.