I wish this was a joke. But when I was but a lad at the tender age of 15, I did some experimenting with my girlfriend at the time. Me being foolish at the time decided we should try anal, she was alright with it, because at 15 it's obviously true love and we were going to get married so she did whatever I asked. Well, so we had anal and it went great, for me, I don't know how she liked it she didn't complain about it afterwards at least. So we decided to do it again, only this time I had the bright idea to "lube" it up, which at the time the only accessible lube was a bottle of water. You can only imagine where this goes. I proceed to insert squirt end of the water bottle into my Gfs ass and squeeze some water into it. Now the amount of water I squeezed I thought was by no means a lot. However, after insertion and a few pumps what happened next I will never forget. A brown ass fountain erupted on me from point blank. A diarrhea consistency like poop began to spray and splatter everywhere. I froze. Unable to comprehend what just happened my mind shut the system down. I stood there naked and stomach down poop stained for a solid minute before I came to my senses. Only then did I realize that this turd squirter had not only blasted me, but my floor, the edge of my bed we were on, and a lovely trail leading to the bathroom. So it may not have been my face, but body will never be clean again.

Tl;Dr. I got shit on during anal.