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top 200 commentsshow all 279

[–]smilingonion 885 points886 points ago

You know how to get them to really stop?

Put that sign on their door the day after a night one of them wasn't home

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 475 points476 points ago

Evil Genius!

[–]sunnyflavoratnight 185 points186 points ago

Then the yelling starts.

[–]Voiceoutsideyourbox 102 points103 points ago

Fallowed by even loader make up/brake up sex...

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 164 points165 points ago

*break

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 276 points277 points ago

No, it's a very kinky way of incorporating auto repair into lovemaking.

[–]Neil_Armschlong 146 points147 points ago

The tires don't have a lot of tread left, if you catch my drift.

EDIT: accidental double car pun

[–]Simbrian 24 points25 points ago

Just don't ever try the Tokyo Drift; I was sore for a week after.

[–]bravoredditbravo 2 points3 points ago

That seems like it would be a shift in the wrong direction

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 43 points44 points ago

You never admit puns are an accident.

[–]DasBeerBoot 14 points15 points ago

We're on reddit, there's no need to be ashamed of honesty.

[–]I_missed_that_pun 3 points4 points ago

I was going to try to interpret your pun in concurrence with my novelty account but...I just don't understand...

[–]louster200 7 points8 points ago

Burning rubber.

Literally!

[–]Sylnce 9 points10 points ago

The uncomfortable part is incorporating the fallowing.

[–]CyberneticDickslap 3 points4 points ago

"Driven hard and put away wet"

[–]hbrecht 2 points3 points ago

I started laughing really loud at this... Then I realized I was drunk. Oh hell, have an up vote anyway!!

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 6 points7 points ago

Don't forget to drink a glass of water before bed and goodnight!

[–]Mutericator 2 points3 points ago

And dangerous, too.

[–]Vesper32 1 point2 points ago

Install fog lights.

[–]djdementia 0 points1 point ago

No, that is called "Warm Leatherette".

[–]ratajewie 22 points23 points ago

Out of all the words you could have fixed, you chose brake?

[–]no_no_NO_okay 7 points8 points ago

*followed *louder

[–]special2plumsfor1 4 points5 points ago

Yeah I was surprised at that spelling of followed, too.

[–]Mr_chiMmy 1 point2 points ago

Seems like the spellings of a Swede with dyslexia. That's at least how I'd imagine my brother would spell it back in the day.

[–]Ouaouaron 0 points1 point ago

I feel like there's a possibility that the sentence might actually make sense if you pretend all the misspelled words are actually the words he/she spelled. But I'm too tired to try it myself.

[–]PenisMcGilligan 2 points3 points ago

They are also bringing agriculture into the bedroom. They take every third night off to restore their nutrients.

[–]ThePowerOfBeard 1 point2 points ago

The definition of "fallowed" is "plowed but left unseeded (farmland during growing season)". I think it works pretty well.

[–]kralrick 3 points4 points ago

You're fine with 'fallowed' but not 'brake?'

[–]dick_rickles 18 points19 points ago

I read your sentence correctly, but I feel like you should know that you spelled three words incorrectly.

[–]darkneo86 3 points4 points ago

I'm banking on the commenter not being a native English speaker. I hope.

[–]Yugiah 7 points8 points ago

Brake up? Slow down there man, you might be going a little too fast.

[–]ussr577 2 points3 points ago

Followed by more notes... And more karma.

The possibilities are endless?

[–]ratsinspace 0 points1 point ago

Spelling bee champ 10 years in a row. Btw he repeated year 3 10 times

[–]justinsayin 0 points1 point ago

Fallowed by even loader make up/brake up sex...

So. Many. Spelling. Mistakes.

[–]Buhnanah 0 points1 point ago

Make sure you know that the person in the house is either the boyfriend or girlfriend, or else it won't work.

[–]garbledtutors 31 points32 points ago

I think I would rather hear them having sex then yelling at each other all night, followed possibly by make up sex.

[–]smilingonion 20 points21 points ago

Or a loud bang then sirens

Still problem solved either way

[–]JAfball77 29 points30 points ago

Loud bang then sex then sirens.

[–]Junk_In_My_Bunk 10 points11 points ago

Then sex again.

[–]RoaInverse 0 points1 point ago

hmmm what'shu saaayyy

[–]uptwolait 0 points1 point ago

Twist: Gun shots, she's dead, you continue to hear him having sex.

[–]PriviIzumo 2 points3 points ago

gold.

[–]notjustanymike 3 points4 points ago

This kills the relationship.

[–]vinniedamac 5 points6 points ago

You killed the joke.

[–]Mugros 1 point2 points ago

Add that this time the animal noises were really annoying.

[–]captaintimewaste 120 points121 points ago

did you post it anywhere besides reddit...?

[–]TheWac0Kid 13 points14 points ago

Why would he? It's not like he's paying rent while he lives with his mom and dad.

[–]HmmmNol 153 points154 points ago

I bet 10 bucks this never got put up on their door.....r/KarmaConspiracy/

[–]lord_coppler 69 points70 points ago

As the door, I can confirm this.

[–]ryguydrummerboy 20 points21 points ago

As the door frame, I can confirm, he is the door.

[–]Meditator90 7 points8 points ago

As the wall, I can confirm he's the frame.

[–]my_name_isnt_clever 10 points11 points ago

As the hallway, I can confirm he is the wall.

[–]RiPotato 16 points17 points ago

As a Korean, I can't confirm shit

[–]qqumber 11 points12 points ago

As a North Korean, I can confirm North Korea best Korea.

[–]NewWhirledOrder 6 points7 points ago

Most of these probably don't.

[–]HappensALot 5 points6 points ago

Another 10 says there is no couple to begin with.

[–]Reedfrost 5 points6 points ago

Either that or OP chickened out. :/

[–]sit_down_on_it 168 points169 points ago

That kinda comes across as passive aggressive behaviour more-so than reverse psychology.

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 80 points81 points ago

I was hoping to creep them out. But whatever works.

[–]occasionally 131 points132 points ago

I was hoping to creep them out.

Hand it to them while wearing a bathrobe.

[–]IronLung420 77 points78 points ago

A very small bathrobe....

[–]Beakerbite 46 points47 points ago

Only effective if you have a leopard briefs.

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 112 points113 points ago

Maybe finger my belly button as I present it.

[–]ninjagrover 27 points28 points ago

Maybe you can tenderly cup your crotch in manner that suggest you had been constantly masturbating since last night and had only stopped a few moments before...

[–]Cheese_Bits 11 points12 points ago

Yeah, that will be hard for a redditor...

[–]UsedToBeAPenguin 17 points18 points ago

Heh. Hard.

[–]mbluhm36420 2 points3 points ago

Ya I was gonna say that note would def creep them out and possibly stop being so loud cause they'll be thinking you're listening in on them......masturbating

[–]hypnoguy1 4 points5 points ago

Consider having a milk mustache while you hand it to them.

[–]merikeycookies 10 points11 points ago

and eye contact after you let them read it is paramount.

eye contact and a grin

[–]SkidmarkInMyUndies 5 points6 points ago

Maybe even a hand towel like in Starsky and Hutch.

[–]ivelosteverything 5 points6 points ago

Anyone else think of 30 Rock?

[–]Fallschirmjager 7 points8 points ago

I was thinking these two. (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

[–]mnorri 3 points4 points ago

A well lubricated handshake would be a nice touch.

[–]Close_Your_Eyes 3 points4 points ago

And drinking milk. Make that half and half.

[–]tylerbird 11 points12 points ago

When they are in the middle of having sex start yelling "OH YEAH!" Or "GET SOME!" Or maybe even a "POUND THAT SHIT!"

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 5 points6 points ago

Thats not how I do it!

[–]CoomassieBlue 14 points15 points ago

I creeped my neighbors out by writing them a note that included the line "I now know what each of you sounds like during orgasm". The insulation in my apartment building blows and it sounded like they were making a porno 4 feet above my head.

Haven't had a problem since.

It probably helped that the note also included "please don't hesitate to let me know ASAP if I'm ever making any sort of noise that disturbs you, it's important to me to be a good neighbor". Guilt-tripped them with that one.

[–]trustedsource 5 points6 points ago

Did you actually jerk it, though? If not, hold off on that note for a bit. Y'know, for science.

Sex moans from next door are better than porn.

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 6 points7 points ago

For science. Of course.

[–]come_on_seth 1 point2 points ago

I know, right.-T. Mosbey

[–]bombproof 5 points6 points ago

yeah, how dare they have sex.

[–]chaserblazer -1 points0 points ago

Why do you want to creep them out?

[–]PointingOutAFlaw 0 points1 point ago

Twist - they invite you in for a threesome.

[–]friedrice5005 0 points1 point ago

You live in an apartment, you are going to hear your neighbors. That's just part of the gig unless you're in a high end luxury unit. As long as they're not being excessively loud then I don't see the problem. If you don't want to hear people then try and move into a house.

[–]saintgio3 3 points4 points ago

Really? Seems pretty active aggressive to me.

[–]Kijafa 36 points37 points ago

Just don't be surprised when they're all too happy to oblige.

[–]bikeguy76 25 points26 points ago

You mean when they ask you to join

[–]CarbonComa 7 points8 points ago

That's exactly what I was thinking. I know if it was my boyfriend and I, we'd high five and proceed to put on an awesome show.

[–]SanityInAnarchy 1 point2 points ago

[–]The_Vagina_Whisperer 45 points46 points ago

I'm sorry, but that's actually sarcasm, not reverse psychology. The difference is that in your message, the subtext is understood immediately, but in reverse psychology you conceal your true motive.

[–]brap668 11 points12 points ago

You tell em!

[–]KancerFox 7 points8 points ago

For some reason I'm imagining you whispering this into a vagina, instead of writing on reddit..

[–]deathsmaash 5 points6 points ago

some reason

[–]rabbitambulance 1 point2 points ago

Gee, whatever could it be?

[–]TheBrownie 0 points1 point ago

I think reverse psychology requires the person to be disagreeable and you exploit that by giving the opposite of the action you would like them to do.

[–]SonOfSlam -1 points0 points ago

We know it is sarcasm because OP stated his true intentions. It would be reverse psychology if the person it was intended for read it at face value and stopped their behavior. If they thought the letter was not truthful they would subjectively view it as sarcasm. Depends on how they react to it.

[–]Tumble85 36 points37 points ago

Congratulations, your neighbors now think you are so creepy they probably won't even make eye contact with you!

Way to go!

[–]Thepunk28 26 points27 points ago

Isn't being a shitty, passive-aggressive neighbor awesome!

[–]Tumble85 11 points12 points ago

It would be, but I'm pretty sure he didn't have the courage/suffer from a profound lack of social knowledge to actually put this on their door.

You'd have to be a very, very strange person to put this up on a persons door. Unless you were good friends with them of course.

[–]hikemhigh 9 points10 points ago

How come everyone writes notes to their neighbors who have sex?

[–]Malphos101 6 points7 points ago

I heard you can take a picture you put on the internet and say something happened that didn't. Dunno if that's technologically possible though.

[–]modestmajesty -1 points0 points ago

i heard that its pretty pointless and stupid to call out this quite feasible and not at all shocking tale of giving your neighbor a note complaining of noise as something that has to be made up.

Save your conspiracy theories for something less stupid.

[–]Malphos101 1 point2 points ago

"not when you have lots of close proximity neighbors and your doing it at 1am on a Tuesday. Just saying, keep the loud shit to the weekends or before 11pm and I'm fine. My neighbor across the way is practicing for pornos, and not gonna lie, I'm intimidated by the dude's longevity. But really, at some point I just want to sleep and the notes I've been using don't work. "

I was wondering why you were so defensive. Im sure you totally have a porn star neighbor across the way that keeps you up at night with sounds so loud it goes across the street and two sets of house walls to keep you up at night. There is no possibility you are making up a story to make internet people give you attention. Zero possibility.

[–]VIRGIN_ALARM 114 points115 points ago

**BWOOP BWOOP**

[–]TwentyYearOldVirgin 10 points11 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]enceladus7 3 points4 points ago

Redditor for a year? You need a new account.

[–]Kijafa 20 points21 points ago

Now you are a novelty account I can support. Keep up the good work.

[–]VenetianMask 2 points3 points ago

Remember kids: it's not sexism if you're shaming the sexual history of a male!

[–]thickrickdick 5 points6 points ago

it's not sexism if you're shaming the sexual history of a passive aggressive douchebag who is acting like a big old virgin.

FTFY

[–]ShiaLabooof 9 points10 points ago

Don't trust the guy who's not getting any, in apartment 3B.

[–]w00tkid 7 points8 points ago

These neighbor letters complaining about loud sex are getting old.

[–]poleethman 20 points21 points ago

[–]baby_corn_is_corn 7 points8 points ago

You had better actually live in 1B

[–]Amonette 11 points12 points ago

You could always yell helpful suggestions through the wall...

[–]alanthemanofchicago 19 points20 points ago

TURN IT TO CHANNEL 9

THEY'RE DOING THE BREAST EXAMS.

[–]I_tinerant 7 points8 points ago

"I think she's close to finishing! No, scratch that, that was by tummy grumbling. Carry on."

[–]heracleides -1 points0 points ago

YEAH! PULL THAT BITCH'S HAIR! MAKE HER BEG FOR IT!

[–]DaveD90 27 points28 points ago

sex is supposed to be loud

[–]inuse23 21 points22 points ago

OP is used to the quiet of his fleshlight.

[–]owlseverywhere 0 points1 point ago

[–]modestmajesty 1 point2 points ago

not when you have lots of close proximity neighbors and your doing it at 1am on a Tuesday. Just saying, keep the loud shit to the weekends or before 11pm and I'm fine. My neighbor across the way is practicing for pornos, and not gonna lie, I'm intimidated by the dude's longevity. But really, at some point I just want to sleep and the notes I've been using don't work.

[–]bread_buddy 7 points8 points ago

There's been a lot of posts on reddit lately about people informing neighbors of audible sex. With the exception of it being disruptive to sleep, I really have to wonder why it bothers people that much to actually ask them to stop. My downstairs neighbors last year were always audible through our mutual open windows, but I never had any interest in confronting them about it. I figured I'd let them be exhibitionists a bit, since that's probably what they were going for anyways.

[–]Nebakanezzer 8 points9 points ago

does loud sex actually bother people?

I feel like the people that complain about it are the miserable type that would punch someone they walked by because they were smiling

[–]meepfactory 1 point2 points ago

Sometimes it sounds like that the girl is getting stabbed at 4AM or something. Repeatedly. So, yes.

[–]apollo84 7 points8 points ago

so you wrote this and then threw it away? cool.

[–]fuZZe 1 point2 points ago

This has Bad Luck Brian written all over it.

[–]Ragnalypse 1 point2 points ago

Twist. Guy in 3b is the other noisy neighbor.

[–]kurosevic -1 points0 points ago

shyamalan'd!!

[–]ME_LUV_U_LONG_TYM 3 points4 points ago

The more I see these in reddit, the more I realize that many are fake.

[–]Mang-Oh-Tea 7 points8 points ago

Is this not harassment and or a douchebag move?

[–]CuntMcFuckGiggles 7 points8 points ago

Fake. I can tell by the handwriting that this is fake. Tone of voice, everything.

[–]candydice 6 points7 points ago

i think it's a girl's writing

[–]legsintheair 0 points1 point ago

Me too... I'm a honest to goddess tranny and I WISH my handwriting looked like that. And I TRY...

[–]WorkFriendlyAcct[S] 0 points1 point ago

Voice? What kind of drugs are you on you can hear this?

[–]FinalFate 7 points8 points ago

Woosh.

[–]huo_leifeng 5 points6 points ago

I don't see what fast moving objects have to do with it.

[–]CuntMcFuckGiggles -1 points0 points ago

No, I was being completely serious. I was able to read her mental intentions just by looking at the way she hand-wrote this note. It's clearly obvious to me that she did not mean to give this note to her neighbors and clearly obvious that she just created it to post onto Reddit.

She is karma whoring.

I don't need to explain myself, but if you look at certain letters, you can tell that they were not written with "mental confidence" (and that's for lack of a better or more technical term). In rare cases (sociopaths) the body always tips off the hand of the mind. In this case, the body being her hand writing this note, knowing full well the only reason she created it was to post onto Reddit to karma whore.

I am a lifelong student of the human mind, and I have figured more out about people than most psychiatrists. I just observe and make mental notes, then when I'm out in public and day-to-day life, I experiment with people by acting a certain way or saying certain things and observing how they react. I then take my findings and use them to my best advantage and for future reference when dealing with people when I want them to act a certain way or do what I tell them to without them fully realizing it. Basically, I'm a human manipulator and I'm very good at it.

[–]dancingwell 0 points1 point ago

You're joking right? If you were serious, I'll seriously have to take away that upvote I just gave you.

[–]risp_ftw 1 point2 points ago

I am extremely paranoid about this happening to me. So I always have to stop when my gf gets too loud. She hates it but if rather save the embarrassment.

[–]dancingwell 4 points5 points ago

Happy cake day!

[–]bdams19 2 points3 points ago

"We shouldn't be blocking McLovin's cock we should be guiding it!"

[–]PLUS_SIZED_SLUT 2 points3 points ago

Why have there been like 10 posts of signs people leave for their neighbors for being too loud or having sex too loud? I've been on reddit for a year and a half and never really seen any and then the past few weeks there have been almost a dozen.

EDIT: Wow, that's a nice room for an apartment..

[–]kurosevic 2 points3 points ago

this must have been hilarious until the neighbors boyfriend kicked your ass for writing a creepy letter to his lady. :)

[–]Sur0real 2 points3 points ago

Men can't draw hearts

[–]onemoreape 2 points3 points ago

Not real but at least you're creative!

[–]tf2junky 2 points3 points ago

didn't happen

[–]xxihostile 0 points1 point ago

Note to self: Write note about hypothetically doing something extreme that you don't plan on doing and reap the juicy karma.

Waddup /r/KarmaConspiracy

[–]deck65 0 points1 point ago

I feel your pain. I just worked a double shift and was fucking starving. I just made a giant sandwich and was about to destroy that shit. But now I can hear my roommate and his ugly girlfriend have sex, and I lost my appetite :(

[–]TheNostalgiaBomb 2 points3 points ago

"P.S. I finished the same time you two did. I feel we have a connect now."

[–]nitcanavan 2 points3 points ago

By reverse psychology do you mean you wrote this note, took a picture of it, then threw it away?

[–]necrons_ftw 2 points3 points ago

My solution might help you. Step one: cup your hands against the wall closest to them

Step two: place your mouth in between your hands

Step three: shout "HOO" with as much bass and force as possible without rupturing a lung.

Step four: sit back and enjoy the knowledge that you completely freaked your neighbors out.

Edit: spelling

[–]SlimPikinZ 0 points1 point ago

Note to OP: Get a haircut and get a real job so you can afford to move out of the projects.o

[–]Bailie2 3 points4 points ago

He should have signed this from the apartment on the otherside. Then when there is that akward moment, the "other guy" will be creeped out because he doesn't know why your neighbor is looking at him.

[–]whatthefat 7 points8 points ago

OR you could just get a girlfriend, have your own sex, and stop getting so cranky and passive-aggressive about other people having enjoyable sex lives. But whatever floats your boat.

[–]schmup 2 points3 points ago

OR people could be polite neighbors and fuck at a reasonable volume.

[–]Priff 3 points4 points ago

my neighbour fucks at a reasonable volume... we can only hear her sometimes.... however we can hear her stir her tea, when the spoon hits the side of the cup...

yay for paper thin walls?

[–]f03nix 0 points1 point ago

OR you could just get a girlfriend

Believe me sir, it's hard. I've been trying for about 25 years now ....

[–]jawapride 2 points3 points ago

These types of posts are popping up so frequently now that I believe none of them.

[–]RoadToSerfdom 0 points1 point ago

Or you could just make your own noise while they're going at it, but your noise is just a little bit louder.

[–]ElMauriceChavez 2 points3 points ago

Sure... reverse-psychology you say...

[–]mudmaster 1 point2 points ago

What if they're exhibitionists and they enjoy the thought of you masturbating to the sound of their sex?

[–]brap668 1 point2 points ago

Yeah man..I hope this backfires

[–]DanniBoy-64 1 point2 points ago

I don't think that's reverse psychology, that seems more like sarcasm to me.

[–]Pfundz 0 points1 point ago

pfundz

[–]Punchomatic 1 point2 points ago

There is no way a dude wrote this.

[–]Cdf12345 0 points1 point ago

Reverse psychology doesn't work.

[–]AdamisforEve -1 points0 points ago

Or you can be like This Guy and initiate the Thin Wall Challange and reap youtube views. It ain't karma but it gets the job done. Also watch some of these guys videos he's hilarious.

[–]AdamisforEve 0 points1 point ago

Personal favorite http://youtu.be/Y1zynMm1XH4 "lemon party" (sfw bobbing for lemons) later episodes have harsh consequences for losing the challange.

[–]ItsonFire911 1 point2 points ago

The text on a highdef screen bugged me out :/

[–]cody_au 1 point2 points ago

Is this a big deal? How loud are they and for how long?

I've read of one couple that has been court-ordered to not fuck because they do it so often, for so long, and the both of them literally scream like they're being murdered during it. I can understand that.

But through my bedroom's shared wall I can hear my neighbour humping away once or twice a week in the early hours of the morning or late at night, for a couple minutes each time. I don't want it, but it's not a huge deal.

[–]DrizztDoUrdenZ 1 point2 points ago

Bahahahahahaha awesome.

[–]prototato 0 points1 point ago

Should have pretended to be the neighbors on the other side.

[–]duchovny 1 point2 points ago

No you didn't.

[–]Mcdumbly 0 points1 point ago

awesome.

[–]WorLord 1 point2 points ago

WHY HAVE I NEVER TRIED A CUP BEFORE

[–]luciferase0 0 points1 point ago

That feel when no gf

[–]Oniwabanshu 0 points1 point ago

I can taste the sarcasm from the letter through my PC.

[–]MachoInPoncho 1 point2 points ago

Shuckled. You are now tagged as loveguy 3B

[–]sekoye 1 point2 points ago

Or you could go and find someone to have sex with and make lots of noise yourself, rather than whining about it. Damn construction codes need to have better sound proofing.

[–]irlKryst 0 points1 point ago

challenge accepted.

[–]xsammhooverx 1 point2 points ago

I live in apartment 3B... are you.. my boyfriend?

[–]Whatofitpunk 0 points1 point ago

This shit is getting ridiculous, come on.

[–]RoneOHseven 1 point2 points ago

oh Rossss, you know no one likes you at your apartment complex!

[–]collectdownvotes 1 point2 points ago

you won't send it though

[–]Lord_Smaximus 1 point2 points ago

ZING!

[–]legsintheair 1 point2 points ago

You can be as loud as the hell you want when you're makin' love!

[–]r0bski2 -1 points0 points ago

That is fucking genius.

[–]deathtoboogers -1 points0 points ago

I wish I had done this. I lived in apartment for the first time when I was 15, and woke up one night at 3:00am hearing this girl scream "Stop! Please, Stop!". I jump out of my bed and run to my mom's room to report that I think someone was being raped in the street below. We go back to my room to listen to the noise and see if we should call the cops, only to realize it's my neighbors having loud sex. What made it worse was that their head board on their bed was against the wall we shared, and would make a thumping sound. I'm so glad to be out of an apartment.

[–]tjhubbert 2 points3 points ago

So what happens when they don't fall for your reverse psychology and actually start having louder sex...what then....

[–]Leshow 1 point2 points ago

you're just mad because the only company you had was your hand

[–]webrunner42 1 point2 points ago

What happens if they leave you a note suggesting that they'll do you one better.. "come on over at 7 tonight wink"

[–]I_need_bread 0 points1 point ago

My reply back would read "Dear guy in 3B... You mad bro?"

[–]busbusdriver 0 points1 point ago

"<3 the CREEPY guy in 3B" - FTFY

If you're really going to leave a note, I think the main reason to leave a note rather than talk to them is that they don't have to know who the note is from.

[–]TheWhiteeKnight 0 points1 point ago

Turns out the girlfriend wasn't home, and you just broke up a family.

[–]ith 0 points1 point ago

Reverse Psychology. Suuuuuuure.... Keep tellin' yourself that.

[–]JustChillingReviews 0 points1 point ago

Don't Trust the B in Apartment 3.

[–]zkredux 0 points1 point ago

I'd respond with a note of my own that simply read "Doesn't matter had sex."