top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]nigrodamus7 156 points157 points ago

Get in that ass Larry!

[–]Immynimmy 51 points52 points ago

Throw some snicker wrappers...ball up some newspaper and throw it on the floor. Spray paint some shit: "Larry been here" all that shit!. Then leave his asshole wide open!

[–]goood_one 8 points9 points ago

spit. fuck it

[–]cz03se 60 points61 points ago

You got long ass balls, Larry! Some long ass balls.

[–]LittleCatDog 10 points11 points ago

Long balls Larry!

[–]Brock_Obama 409 points410 points ago

Some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing.

[–]LOVES_TO_POOP[S] 378 points379 points ago

What's in this? Milk and coffee? Who would've ever thought of that? Milk and coffee, milk and coffee!

[–]DoctorJHyde 128 points129 points ago

Come to Rhode Island, we have coffee milk.

[–]carpy22 46 points47 points ago

Fuckin' love Rhode Island cuisine. Bulkie rolls and coffee milk all the way.

[–]JudgeWhoAllowsStuff 80 points81 points ago

DON'T FAHGET YAH STEAMAHS!

[–]Timett_son_of_Timett 50 points51 points ago

ahnd HUAT WEINAHS

[–]jpoRS 27 points28 points ago

Del's.

[–]JungleMeat 22 points23 points ago

Oh lawd, the amount of R'disland in this thread is makin' me homesick.

[–]Cheekiestfellow 7 points8 points ago

Good ole Del's lemonade.

[–]DoctorJHyde 18 points19 points ago

Only in Rhode Island can you turn to your friends at midnight and say "Lets go grab weiners" and it wont get awkward looks from everyone standing around you.

[–]RudeTurnip 38 points39 points ago

Because everyone there is gay, is that the reason?

[–]iUsedtoHadHerpes 13 points14 points ago

TIL Rhode Island is the place to be at midnight.

[–]chantistar 7 points8 points ago

Ya'll are makin me wanna go visit Rhode Island now

[–]wisenheimer 16 points17 points ago

That's Cleveland , not Rhode island.

[–]achievable_chode44 29 points30 points ago

Ah, the good ol' Cleveland Steamer™

[–]soupsoundsgood 9 points10 points ago

"All we're asking you to do.....is drop trou...."

[–]MyUsrNameWasTaken 9 points10 points ago

Read that as Bukakke rolls ಠ_ಠ

[–]stateofmind1994 11 points12 points ago

What's a bukkake roll?

[–]RudeTurnip 12 points13 points ago

It's exactly like Cinnabon.

[–]nealio1000 4 points5 points ago

Plus Geoffs sandwiches and rhode island wieners

[–]BardtheBowman 13 points14 points ago

I wouldn't exactly call coffee milk, Del's lemonade, stuffies, and doughboys "cuisine." I mean, it's technically food, but it's not like we have some storied tradition of notable fare.

[–]LockeOut 9 points10 points ago

Coffee milk, johnny cakes, and unemployment. RHODE ISLAND!

[–]brendo927 2 points3 points ago

And one of the only states where you can still touch the strippers.

[–]instalho 14 points15 points ago

Come to Holland, we have weed in coffeeshops

[–]bearsaremean 2 points3 points ago

That shit so gooooooood, I wish we had it in Oregon

[–]squonge 0 points1 point ago

How the heck is coffee flavoured milk something that is unique to one state!? In Australia you can buy it anywhere.

[–]smeghammer 10 points11 points ago

MILKEN CAWFEE!!?

[–]Calikola 9 points10 points ago

WHAT A DRINK!

[–]wefandangrow 5 points6 points ago

We gotta go there!

[–]Kyle6969 0 points1 point ago

I love Curb Your Enthusiasm and this is the ONE scene I bring up EVERY time when discussing the show. I think it really sums up the point of the show quite nicely.

[–]PineappleBoots 8 points9 points ago

It's called a cup-of-chino, and wait'll you see what it costs!

[–]Shamborsky 20 points21 points ago

[–]sittty 225 points226 points ago

link to scene. warning: may die of laughter.

[–]colucci 234 points235 points ago

What show is this from/

edit - i never asked for this

[–]Supaji 58 points59 points ago

The Walking Dead.

[–]mkr7 52 points53 points ago

Figure it Out

[–]MVolta 31 points32 points ago

wait, are you telling OP to figure it out, so you mean Nikelodeon's late-90s game show Figure it Out?

[–]ishallbecomeabat 386 points387 points ago

X-Files.

[–]Had_To_Switch 52 points53 points ago

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

[–]oxencotten 77 points78 points ago

Breaking bad.

[–]alfis26 154 points155 points ago

Backdoor Sluts 9 - the series

[–]Moinseur_Garnier 30 points31 points ago

Backdoor sluts 9!

[–]Captain_Unremarkable 16 points17 points ago

7 and 8 were the best of the series, IMHO.

[–]PereCallahan 4 points5 points ago

Dude, did you see the remake of 4?

[–]SergeantSmegma 2 points3 points ago

That makes Naughty Nurses 5 look like Crotch Capers 3.

[–]cadrianzen23 77 points78 points ago

The Wire.

[–]sepi35 72 points73 points ago

The Simpsons

[–]TheColostomyBag 121 points122 points ago

Curb Your Judaism

[–]IWantToSayThis 61 points62 points ago

MacGyver.

[–]upvotes__everything 16 points17 points ago

Man vs. Wild

[–]ipslne 69 points70 points ago

Archer

[–]Shudderbird 98 points99 points ago

Enthuse Your Curbiasm.

[–]H3110MyNam31z 29 points30 points ago

Blues Clues.

[–]Revikus 66 points67 points ago

Honey Boo Boo

[–]In_Odd_We_Trust 65 points66 points ago

The Littlest Hobo.

[–]zed_zed_top 9 points10 points ago

There's a voice that keeps on calling Larry.

[–]warped_and_bubbling 65 points66 points ago

Freaks and Geeks

[–]Zeppelanoid 3 points4 points ago

Greatest intro of any show ever.

[–]A_CUNTY_DOG 50 points51 points ago

community

[–]TrepanationBy45 15 points16 points ago

Dinosaurs

[–]stewyman 14 points15 points ago

2 girls 1 cup

[–]MrCheeze 70 points71 points ago

ed sullivan

[–]InvaderPhantom 41 points42 points ago

Death Note.

[–]kramzag 57 points58 points ago

The Pauly D Project

[–]fairlyodd 70 points71 points ago

Kids say the darndest things!

[–]margaman 47 points48 points ago

Teletubbies

[–]Spleen_Muncher 116 points117 points ago

Battlestar Galactica

[–]idrink211 34 points35 points ago

Hitler on Ice

[–]sylvanfletcher 112 points113 points ago

Seinfeld

[–]dusty071 23 points24 points ago

Stargate Atlantis

[–]calmbatman 12 points13 points ago

Lost

[–]Silenced_is_Foo 66 points67 points ago

Voltron

[–]Spleen_Muncher 110 points111 points ago

Arrested Development

[–]SukayMyDickay 22 points23 points ago

Sesame Street.

[–]illmtK 85 points86 points ago

The Sopranos

[–]mangipng 11 points12 points ago

Bold and Beautiful

[–]dblatz 11 points12 points ago

Rugrats

[–]ChocolateLasagna 98 points99 points ago

Game of Thrones.

[–]Spleen_Muncher 91 points92 points ago

Cops

[–]buddhitor 28 points29 points ago

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

[–]JacobJuhl 26 points27 points ago

Southpark

[–]Spleen_Muncher 88 points89 points ago

Friends

[–]BigBadMrBitches 20 points21 points ago

Adventures In Wonderland.

[–]TheOnlyRealSteven 22 points23 points ago

Adventure Time

[–]Darussalaam 18 points19 points ago

Dave Chappelle's Show

[–]Spleen_Muncher 99 points100 points ago

Spongebob Squarepants

[–]crshirley58 27 points28 points ago

Pokemon

[–]RetrospecTuaL 9 points10 points ago

This guy gets it.

[–]xarlev 18 points19 points ago

The walking dead.

[–]rellz 17 points18 points ago

Weeds

[–]TheR3dMenace 19 points20 points ago

Trailer Park Boys

[–]Spleen_Muncher 82 points83 points ago

American Idol

[–]zed_zed_top 95 points96 points ago

Firefly.

[–]Zrk2 22 points23 points ago

Backdoor Sluts 9

[–]mytoeislonger 22 points23 points ago

Seinfeld

[–]whiteboy1190 14 points15 points ago

Lost.

[–]KodlacksBalls 15 points16 points ago

Mythbusters

[–]Rhynocerous 65 points66 points ago

DID YOU FIGURE IT OUT YET

[–]Kreeker 86 points87 points ago

You are severely missing out if you have never seen this show. It's prettayyyyy prettayyyy prettayyy pretty good.

[–]Greykiller 6 points7 points ago

Adam Jensen: The Documentary

[–]Yorpel_Chinderbapple 66 points67 points ago

How I Met Your Mother

[–]mismetti 50 points51 points ago

Disco Ball

[–]bamfsalad 158 points159 points ago

Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[–]BCouto 13 points14 points ago

Because of all the upvotes you're getting, I'm going to assume you're right.

[–]Yreval 54 points55 points ago

X-Files has more upvotes.

[–]angrytortilla 39 points40 points ago

Ooh, sorry. The answer here was "X-Files."

[–]CodeOfKonami 13 points14 points ago

SHIT TYRONE!

GET IT TOGETHER!

[–]Real-Life-Reddit 10 points11 points ago

Coffee shop antics 3.

[–]terriblehuman 10 points11 points ago

Doctor Who

[–]hive_worker 32 points33 points ago

Seinfeld

[–]blu3ninja 27 points28 points ago

disco ball

[–]Dictator4Life 9 points10 points ago

Regular Show

[–]pitchblack2035 14 points15 points ago

sigh upvote upvote upvote

[–]HappyAssassin 60 points61 points ago

Oh my god...his descent into stereotypical Jew at the end killed me.

[–]HittingSmoke 35 points36 points ago

Oh man... I had a bagel with lox (albeit smoked) for the first time a few days ago.

Holy fucking shit them Jews know how to eat a bagel. It was magical.

[–]Brostafarian 21 points22 points ago

I make bagels with prosciutto. It's like a bagel with lox but way more offensive

[–]Moinseur_Garnier 7 points8 points ago

I love how she doesn't like him when he's happy.

[–]HardlyWorkinDBA 19 points20 points ago

and draw a dick in the foam so i can get some karma.

[–]original-finder 616 points617 points ago

[–]alienbrayn 283 points284 points ago

Bots.. Cruise control for karma

[–]myruxx 143 points144 points ago

I THOUGHT THAT WAS CAPS LOCK

[–]ShadowsAmbience 107 points108 points ago

NO, THEY'RE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!!!!11

[–]david-me 78 points79 points ago

[–]iammolotov 53 points54 points ago

MAYBE HE JUST REALLY WANTED THE WARMTH OF A TURTLENECK WITH THE FASHION OF 4 HOLLISTER© POLOS.

Edit: Interestingly, Chrome's spell check suggested I replace Hollister with Cholesterol.

[–]Birdslapper 64 points65 points ago

Holy fuck stop yelling I just woke up

[–]Raziel66 23 points24 points ago

WE CAN'T HELP IT. YOUR MOTHER AND I JUST WANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND YOU ARE PISSING AWAY YOUR DAYS BY SLEEPING ALL THE TIME.

[–]Jimothyscrye 13 points14 points ago

It sure is getting 2008 in here.

[–]llewbop 10 points11 points ago

I thought starting a Tom Cruise control thread was the path to karma

[–]systmh 5 points6 points ago

Wow. People value karma for some inexplicable reason, but would a person value karma accrued vicariously by a bot they programmed? I bet they would. Why?

Psychology is weird.

[–]oscursos 9 points10 points ago

interesting.

[–]iceman21 1 point2 points ago

[–]21007 31 points32 points ago

/r/funny needs more larry david

[–]ryanlindly 12 points13 points ago

I like to order expresso. No one has ever corrected me, but if they did my reply would only be to say, "But, I want it fast."

[–]melodylikemusic 10 points11 points ago

No one has ever corrected me

It's likely no one ever will.

[–]colourmeblue 6 points7 points ago

They will just inwardly cringe and silently hate you.

[–]david-me 58 points59 points ago

I learned "Iced Caffe Mocha" 15 years ago. I've never had anything else.

[–]oli-wan_kenobi 20 points21 points ago

Well luckily it is also the best drink in the history of ever

[–]BelovedApple 4 points5 points ago

Mocha used to be my fave drink but in my town centre they started doing this strange green tea stuff. I had Kiwi flavour with mango (which are in small edible balls that rest at the bottom of the glass that you suck up through a straw and explode in your mouth for after taste). They are amazing, granted I will likely only get them now and again but I enjoy the hell out of them.

[–]talkoBUENO 8 points9 points ago

"bubble tea". Try the Vietnamese coffee flavor.

[–]RocketMan63 7 points8 points ago

They are absolutely amazing and they are often called boba

[–]phasmy 8 points9 points ago

That's kind of cute.

[–]greg19735 2 points3 points ago

if i go to starbucks i like to mix it up and get a iced white mocha. still good. super sweet tho.

[–]agent3613 9 points10 points ago

It's a cafe latte?... What is that... milk? - Milk and coffee! Who would've thought? Milk and coffee! Oh my God. What a drink! It's milk and coffee, mixed together!

[–]awildstanleyappears 68 points69 points ago

[–]RidiculousIncarnate 50 points51 points ago

Before I knew anything about coffee I would phrase my order this way,

"All I want is something with caffeine that tastes the least bit like coffee that you can manage. Chocolate, vanilla, caramel or whatever doesn't really matter, just surprise me."

This got me the least questions and usually the barista's were happy because they could 'experiment' with my drink. Never had a bad result either.

Learned years later while covering shifts in a cafe that was in our store that a favorite past time of many barista's included inventing drinks, that most customers would never see but were for the most part spectacularly delicious.

[–]siegewolf 36 points37 points ago

As an ex barista you were my favorite type of customer. I was known at the places I worked for making some of the best experimentation with the drinks. Me and a coworker made peppermint hot chocolate one time by steeping a ton of peppermint tea and then making normal hot chocolate. It was better than any regular peppermint hot chocolate.

[–]batrug 18 points19 points ago

I am also an ex barista. I don't mean to brag, but I too was very good. I'm the one that used to blend pastries into the fraps.

[–]Yreval 16 points17 points ago

That sounds kinda gross.

[–]melodylikemusic 5 points6 points ago

Is....is that legal?

[–]doctorofphysick 9 points10 points ago

Pretty sure there's a verse in Leviticus prohibiting that on punishment of stoning.

[–]abcdeline 6 points7 points ago

One time I put some Toffee flavoured syrup in the foamer to make the whipped cream (instead of vanilla)

Cthulhu Almighty was it good.

A couple shots of espresso, and a shot of that stuff on top.. mm mm.

[–]heathersak 11 points12 points ago

And a billion calories :(

[–]siegewolf 12 points13 points ago

Each pump is 50 calories. Most drinks had a max of 6 pumps. That doesn't include the milk or the whipped cream. The whipped cream can range from 60 calories if it's rediwhip to over 100 if it's made in store.

[–]HittingSmoke 20 points21 points ago

Waaait a minute. That's nowhere close to a billion...

Something's not adding up here with the math.

[–]greg19735 5 points6 points ago

you're forgetting the cup. the plastic multiplies the calories by 1000000000000 ish.

[–]PotatoPotahto 4 points5 points ago

I don't get how multiplying a positive amount of calories by a trillion gets you a billion. Explain.

[–]RidiculousIncarnate 4 points5 points ago

Yeah... one day out of curiosity we actually looked up all the ingredients in one of their creations.

Suffice it to say we all saw each other at the gym the next day.

The worst offender was a drink we actually served on the menu called a "Javanilla shake". Espresso shots, espresso flavoring, vanilla flavoring and the only 'liquid' component aside from the espresso shots was vanilla ice cream.

Skinniest bastard I ever met who worked at my store drank one or two of these per day. To this day I don't know how he's still walking around.

[–]midnightbean 2 points3 points ago

Yeah this is usually how it is.

Sometimes too Baristas will correct you to make sure you're not getting something other than what you think you are. Cappuccinos are terrible with this because of the gas station cappuccinos. People don't know it's just espresso and pretty frothy milk.

The fits can come from places like Starbucks too because the business model demands structure and often works as an assembly line. It's not nearly as fun unless the manager is away or is an awesome stoner type who could careless about what the horrible out of touch district managers think.

[–]CharlesKB 35 points36 points ago

for anyone that want to ride the karma train and make a [FIXED][FIXED]. in Holland a coffee shop is the place where you legally buy weed.

[–]habaddict1 8 points9 points ago

incidentally, that's actually what I expected to see when I clicked this link. Sadly not. I would ride afformentioned 'karma train', but I can't be arsed.

[–]End3rWi99in 10 points11 points ago

I can agree with Dennis Leary on one thing; I just want a fucking coffee. A medium coffee flavored fucking coffee.

[–]Dickbeard_The_Pirate 5 points6 points ago

As someone who works in a coffee shop, I'm upset that nobody has ever ordered a "Vanilla Bullshit Thing".

[–]juggasaurusrex 9 points10 points ago

Out of all coffee shops I've been to I found that Starbucks was the most confusing in terms of what to order. I never wanted to make a fool of myself so while I am in line, I'll practice what I'll say to the cashier to sound like i know what I"m saying.

[–]midnightbean 3 points4 points ago

I've worked and studied Coffee for years, even worked at Starbucks, and I fear ordering at Starbucks.

The system is kind of designed to make you feel like you don't know squat so you're impressed. Then when you can order there with ease you might start holding your nose high or asking for specifics like temperatures, 2 and 1/3 of a pump, half calf espresso, etc.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

As a barista...I like people like this.

[–]itakeafence 5 points6 points ago

I prefer my bullshit with caramel.

[–]Wolf_SF 4 points5 points ago

i thought he was talking about the weed shops in holland O_O

[–]Volumeknop 3 points4 points ago

This post cannot be understood by Dutch People. Or are we talking blunts?

[–]DiarrheaPocket 2 points3 points ago

I love me some some coffee flavored sugar milk (which is what my coffee ends up becoming when I'm done with it).

[–]PTFOholland 2 points3 points ago

Meanwhile Dutch Redditors are like:
They sell coffee there!?

[–]KungFuHamster 16 points17 points ago

I was in a hospital with my wife early in the morning and I was getting some coffee at one of those tiny coffee shops they have in hospitals -- you know what I mean. I was looking in the display and they had some calorie-laden "breakfast" treats and I didn't know what they were called, so I was all like,

"Give me one of those blueberry-looking things."

"It's called a scone."

"Yeah, one of those."

[–]classy_stegasaurus 17 points18 points ago

Blueberry scones are amazing. Toast one of those bitches up with some butter and tea, baby you got a breakfast going

[–]Pythosblaze 4 points5 points ago

I used to work at a coffee shop, either at the register or taking orders. There was one woman who I saw almost every day who ordered a "grande chocolate raspberry cappuccino, skinny (2% milk), half decaf at 140˚, extra foam, no saucer."

[–]monacelli 1 point2 points ago

She sounds like a cunt.

[–]fezzuk 12 points13 points ago

me: large black coffee please

her: pardon

me: large coffee, no milk please.

her: medio americano ?

me: i guess, just big black coffee right?

her: we dont have grande just medio and small (why they use "small" as apposed to piccolo or similar i have no idea)

me: ok fine the larger one of those two with black coffee in please.

her: Americano?

me: YES OK MEDIO AMERICANO, I WILL USE THAT STUPID WORD. (first thing in the morning, and i would not be so angry if i had had my nice cuppa black coffee)

and this is why i just go to nice old fashioned Italian cafe's for my coffee now instead of american chains because they still understand what a black coffee is. and despite the actual people in the cafe actually being italian (as apposed to Australian exchange students) they don't expect me to pretend to speak it first thing in the morning.

[–]WiglyWorm 27 points28 points ago

Americano is espresso and water. Coffee is coffee.

[–]boredatworkbasically 5 points6 points ago

This is why I order my coffee in ounces. I'll say "give me a 12 oz coffee with room". If they try to pull the bullshit of their special sizes I'll just look them in the eye and repeat "12 oz coffee with room". It works every time.

[–]rollingstonner 3 points4 points ago

Are you in Europe? Just a big ol' cup of black coffee isn't really a thing there, hence mixing espresso + hot water = americano. The American GIs on leave during WWII wanted the same thing as you, giving the popularized concoction its tongue-in-cheek name.

[–]slightlystartled 3 points4 points ago

My favorite Starbucks experience: Back in my early twenties, braided mohawk, leather and chains.

Barrista: What can I get for you?

Me: When the old men in grey suits come in, what do they want?

Barrista(doing an impression of a long-suffering, tired old man in a grey suit): They just want a freaking cup of coffee.

Me: Perfect.

B: Medium?

M: You know it.

[–]Schwarzwind 2 points3 points ago

I was at the pub this last sunday with some friends, we saw a guy that looked exactly like Larry David. I couldn't help myself, started humming the theme song to Curb your Enthusiasm, my friends joined in loud enough that he heard. He was not amused.

[–]son_of_a_gunderson 20 points21 points ago

He was not amused.

It was Larry David.

[–]Lepepino 1 point2 points ago

This is what going to Starbucks with friends is like.

[–]flinteastwood 1 point2 points ago

Man, I hate those vanilla bullshit latte things. I love it when my coffee tastes like dirt. For that reason, I choose a french press.

[–]caitlyntetmeyer 1 point2 points ago

I work at a coffee shop. I would ask him, "The vanilla bullshit latte or the vanilla chai bullshit latte?"

[–]RalphNLD 2 points3 points ago

In Holland a coffee shop has a rather different meaning...

[–]Silver_Drummer 2 points3 points ago

more like gimmy a black coffee and make it blacker then black by putting a shot of espresso in it as well.

[–]hmatmotu 1 point2 points ago

I remember the last time I had vanilla bullshit...the vanilla flavor did not hide at all the fact that I was consuming the fecal matter of a male bovine.