At least all you mofos are making the choice of eating food that gives you the shits....I'm living on campus, so 99% of my diet is food from the dorm cafeteria, the other 1% is coffee.

Salad, Pizza, Sandwich, Burrito, it doesn't matter what you order. It is going to come out as pain. >>This<< is where I am at. Anyone else unfortunate to be in the bathroom is an unintended casualty. The only reason it doesn't keep me up at night is the fact that anyone caught in the crossfire has been there earlier today or will be there in a few hours. The only positive aspect of it really is knowing that everyone else is going through the same stuff. I never had a casual conversation with a girl about wrecking toilets until college; Its not about gender, we are all eating the same garbage, what brings us together is our mutual misery.

But Its beyond the lava squirts, I no longer fear death. For the first time since that week at summer camp, I am making serious efforts in avoiding making any bowel movements until absolutely necessary. The only reason I am so shameless with my pain is because I am pretty sure most of you can relate. You don't have to admit it.....but c'mon. You've been there.

TL;DR: I AM IN COLLEGE, MY DIET IS CONSTANTLY TERRIBLE. MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS HAVE REPEATEDLY REDEFINED WHAT I THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE AS FAR AS PAIN FROM DEFECATING GOES. I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN THERE TOO; THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I HAVE NO SHAME, I WILL SAY WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID.